Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and sad of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
Is where you ought to stay
Well, after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up
While you can
[...]
When you go
Would you have the guts to say,
"I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday."
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Just to clear the air out before anything else, this has absolutely nothing to do with my IRL relationship in the slightest, not at all. I love my BF and I'm happy with him. This pic is going into things that are a bit more complicated for me to explain in a coherent way without looking like some weirdo.
Arcanine!Emerald in terms of general looks makes an appearance once again. I figured it help get me into Pokemon again to draw him this way for a while. I forgot his moons on his body tho. x.x
Basically a vent pic in regards of what I've been on about for the past week on my social media sites and mentioned in one of my recent journals. I have multiple songs that kinda fit how I'm feeling rn. This is one of them, especially the bits I put in bold.
No really, I was serious when I said I fucked myself up over a fictional relationship. I only have myself to blame for making myself feel this way in the first place ahahaaahhhh...
I'm not wanting to go into all again without tiring myself out mentally, I explained everything on my twitter as is HERE PLEASE CLICK FOR FULL CONTEXT I cannot stress this enough.
Like I said, not the most coherent explanation, and probably makes no sense, but you can clearly see it's nagging me hard to a very not healthy degree.
My friend
\n\t\t\t\t\tshadow-charmeleon said it seemed that I feel guilty for moving on from something. And it's true to an extent, I have issues with things go. Even though I don't love said fictional character as much as I used to anymore, and I've long since stopped loving him, I can't seem to break away from him, I try my hardest to but augh...I shouldn't have tried to constantly force myself back into loving a character I don't anymore for so long (As if that doesn't hint it's unhealthy) to the point I started feeling weird about the way I do and my heart jumps a slight tad when I see art of him and my sona in my files now. I don't even wanna directly talk about him as much as I used to anymore, or not wanting to draw him out of feeling like I'll fall back into that hole once I do. Since I have a thing with getting into characters the moment I draw them in multiple cases, and I don't wanna do that again here. HA! Man, it's so bad I can't even say his fucking name anymore.
And you know what's frustrating about this? I feel like an outlier for feeling this way about it. Outside one other person I've seen go through what I feel, everyone else has something positive to say about fictional relationships and supporting them, calling them healthy ways to cope and shit and being happy with theirs for years. And they are, mines started that way, but mine's which was my very first real experience with dedicated self-shipping also later on turned into some weird unhealthy lingering attachmentobsession that I can't seem to let go of fully no matter how hard I try and it's eating at me and thus I feel like I have no place to complain and this makes no sense as a whole so I might as well just shut up now because this shouldn't be bothering me as much as it does and yet it does, hell. x.x
Just to reiterate, it's about my relationship with a fictional canon character that spiraled, nothing else. Everything is in the link to my twitter anyways (Which is open to the public anyways), and to explain it even more blatant AGAIN will just have my stomach doing spazzes (It got so bad to the point I got angry at a friend for misinterpreting the situation entirely). The last time I told everything more clearly I was queasy for a whole day.
Just... don't talk to me about it, I just... I can't talk about it anymore hhaaaaaa...
It's like I'm a fucking mentally abused spouse that keeps trying to come back for more.
(Allthisoverafictionalcharacterthere'sliterallysomethingwrongwithmybrain)
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Art/Em: Mine
Do not steal/crop/edit/etc.