Oct 30, 2019

Hi, Diary. Prelims are over. We're exhausted. Today took nine hours, and then it was cold and rainy waiting for the bus. I should be sleeping like my boys, but instead I'm up late doing nothing. I don't feel like I can rest. Our competition tomorrow is all the next-level guys, and there's not one but two favorites, Darien Caramellus and a foreign woman who goes by Violetta.

Darien was the same guy standing in the exam room and who collected the flyer, so he probably is officially with the Contest like I thought. I was also right about how he's a piece of shit. He's a rude, inbred twerp with a giant mouth he just can't keep closed, and he makes sure to look at me every time he grins so I can see the flecks of green shit stuck in his nasty, smeared teeth.

His team was two male Chimchars behind a lead Monferno. Their routine was really well coordinated and all with a lot of moves that used all three of them together, but I didn't like it. There was just so much posing and thrusting. I get that it's a common trope and all, but come on, Fire types dressed as "sexy" firemen with prop hoses to put themselves out with in case they got too hot? It's more effective if they're threatening suicide, I guess.

They started poking into their white briefs by the end. It made me really uncomfortable how I could see their wet spots under the stagelights. The judges must have noticed too. Anyway it didn't matter in the end. They were a shoo-in. They could have skipped the gimmick altogether and still qualified. Their choreography was insane, and they put their full effort in even though it was only prelims.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow. It's changing over from elimination to a pyramid tournament, and Darien's made it clear he'll be challenging me first thing, meaning he thinks I'll be the easiest to convince to leave. Just outstanding. Well, I don't give in so easily.

As for Violetta, she's at least as rich as Darien, but at least she has some tact. She was friendly with me, anyway. I talked to her in the lobby for a bit. Chickened out of asking where she was from, though. She doesn't have too good a grasp on the English language, but she knows dance and design like the back of her hand. She did Lopunny cheerleaders with gymnastic ribbons, which, you know, I could have done that, minus the all-female "lesbian" angle. I haven't been able to get a handle on the judges' preferences yet, but I'd put my money on her.

I guess we barely fit in with the rest, though I definitely went too light on the theme compared to the other teams. Our costumes and choreography came across as all thrown together, which they were. My boys were nervous too, and their moves on stage were frenetic. Violetta's and Darien's routines were professionally paced, periods of dance punctuated with long pauses for posing. I didn't know there were so many ways to do Attract.

Our routine was terribly paced. My boys got excited by the crowd and blew all their energy early, so the end pose with Angel doing his splits looked weak. I'm not sure we stand a chance at prize money anymore. I'm not even sure how we qualified. What am I going to do if this doesn't work? I'm not sure we have a home to go back to if we can't make rent.

I'm always too stupid to come up with a backup plan before putting everything I have on the line, but it's too late now. Just wish me luck, okay? I trust my team and all, but we're on the edge of disaster. Screw the ₽50k for first place. The ₽2000 consolation prize for fourth would last us a couple months if we make it stretch.


Oct 31, 2019

Big news first, I WON my match against Darien by three and a half points! He's in a terrible position now, where he's spent one out of his three challenges getting knocked down a peg. You could see the despair on his face when my scores came up. Violetta stopped me in the lobby on the way out and complimented my audacity! We're going to have lunch next week when the contest is a distant memory. She'll call when she has a free afternoon.

She faced off against another team first thing in the day, before my match. It wasn't her fault, but seeing her Lopunnies in Playboy-bunny costumes made me tense up after yesterday. Is it just me, or is there something weird about putting pokémon in those kinds of skimpy outfits? They might be more covered up than they are in nature, but it actually called more attention to their features. 

Also, their routine was obviously designed to show off their bodies. They kept jutting their chests out, hiking their butts, and wiggling their tails. They blew kisses and winked at the audience at the end. I get that the theme is what it is and that the performance was parody and all, but it primed me for what happened later with Darien.

Darien burst into the greenroom two minutes before our challenge to try to intimidate me while I was finishing up dressing Angel. He said he felt sorry for me I didn't even have the proper equipment and wanted me to guess what he had in his fist. I was still trying to work on Angel and just said "don't care." Not the best idea. He growled. He opened his palm and made sure all three of my boys saw the collection of cockrings he was holding. He immediately started laughing at me when I had to ask what they were. He embarrassed me in front of my own pokémon, which had to have been part of his plan. I don't know if he has some sick sense of humor or what it is, but the way he acted was like a sick fucking asshole.

I didn't know what to do or why he would try to give me something like that. I ended up taking one of them just so he would leave us alone. I just stuffed it in my pocket and finished with Angel, then I brought us backstage. In short, Darien went first, and seeing how much the audience loved him even though I knew he was so shitty made me so angry. Like an idiot I stuffed my hands in my pockets, and suddenly all you could hear was muffled buzzing over the auditorium speakers. It would have been funny, except it wasn't funny.

It took them a full minute to realize which mic they needed to cut, and in the meantime they turned the lights up really bright to distract from the noise. I started having a bad panic attack and ran for the exit, but because I couldn't see anything, I tripped over the wires taped along the floor and fell and collapsed a folding table with a bunch of papers and stuff on it. It made such a loud crash they had to pause the competition for me to clean up and made Darien redo his routine from the beginning.

I had a rough time after that. Angel got hard in his pantyhose right before he was about to go on stage, which was the last thing I needed. I tried to calm him down, but there was too much nervous energy, and his erection was very persistent. I couldn't even mic him because then everyone would have heard his high-pitched moaning. Would have been great if he'd been able to jerk off before he went on, but there wasn't any place to do it or time left.

And Kooper and Scorch were no help. I told them don't watch, but they kept on staring anyway. They couldn't take their eyes off him and made their own tents in their cut-offs. I got another lump in my stomach. I thought Angel would have been nervous too, but he was grinning when he walked on stage in front of the cheering crowd.

I wasn't grinning. I tried to watch, but I couldn't calm down the whole time. I think they performed alright, but they were all totally hard when they came back, and Angel's hose were stretched out of shape and stained with a bunch of wet patches. I'm going to have to give him a fresh pair for tomorrow. I have no idea how he managed to get a commendation from one of the judges. Did everyone just ignore him being obviously aroused? Something about this isn't sitting right with me.


Nov 1, 2019

The Contest was over fast, thank goodness. Only four teams showed up, so I knew from the beginning we were going to win something. At first, I was just overcome with relief we'd be making rent today. But then I realized we were safe, but we also had a chance of actually winning. I started fantasizing about how much we could get for first.

Violetta faced off against the other team, so it was going to be me vs. Darien for our final challenge. The centerpiece of his team today was a female Blaziken in tight exercise shorts. I got angry. Fine, I said. Fuck it. If these people are gonna be perverts, let's just give them what they want.

I let Scorch and Kooper go all natural, even rubbed their bodies down in hand lotion from one of the makeup tables to make them shiny under the lights. Angel got furiously aroused by watching me do it too, which was perfect. I stretched the cockring Darien had given us around his sheath and taped the button down before I yanked the pantyhose way up around his waist. They clung to his butt and around his nuts, showing every curve, and you could see the color of his dick through the vibrating fabric.

When the time came, Angel was still one hundred percent rock hard. He waddled out on stage, wincing and holding his incredibly obvious bulge. I switched his mic on anyway, and he starting moaning into it. He faced front and presented it to the crowd. They didn't stop the performance. Scorch and Kooper started out alright, but by the middle all they wanted to do was stare at Angel. They missed big chunks of their choreography and got erections too. Everything still went on as normal. I looked out. The audience was literally on the edge of their seats. They wanted to see.

Angel was getting desperate. It was near the end, but I guess he just couldn't hold it in anymore. He looked over his shoulder at me with pleading eyes. I knew what was about to happen. I might still have been able to call a stop to it, but I stayed pinned to the spot and let it happen. He stopped dancing and started thrusting his bulge into his paws. He ignored the routine and masturbated on stage in front of everyone. He started whining, and you could hear it rubbing. Someone in the audience whistled. Exactly as the music finished, he started wailing into the crowd and ripped through the front of his pantyhose, rocketing jizz. He tried to catch it in his paws, but it shot out between his fingers anyway and landed all over the stage.

There was a long, devastating silence. I couldn't even move. I didn't know what the hell I was in for. But suddenly the audience erupted in cheers, and the results came up straight 10s. Holy shit. It was surreal. I didn't know how it had happened, but I didn't care. I felt like I'd cracked the code. Darien was furious! We won the ₽50,000 for first. It's in my account right now. Darien got ₽10k for third, apparently his first time ever scoring so low. He threw a tantrum at the judges after the audience had left, threatening to close down all subsequent competitions.

Angel wasn't at all embarrassed. He was happy he'd gotten so much attention. The only thing he knew was that he'd gotten off and everybody had cheered for him afterwards. The whole thing was surreal. I should be relieved we made it, but I'm not. The competition felt so important, so good, even, it was like it made me lose my mind. It just made me feel so proud of myself, a first timer competing against veterans. I let the hype of rolling with the big guys majorly cloud my judgment. I became a completely different person when I was there and did things that were incredibly freaking stupid.

Looking back, I think their theme was sick. I kept rationalizing it to myself the whole time, telling myself that it couldn't really be what I thought since it was happening in public and all these people were okay with it. I thought, "this is just how celebrations of gay pride have always been. You dress up in suggestive costumes and flaunt your sexuality." I thought, "you can't criticise them for expressing themselves. That marginalizes them and the lifestyles they've chosen." I guess that's true, but this wasn't merely gay pride. The performers were pokémon, and everybody watching them was human. It was never about a Contest at all. It was pokémon strip show, an animal strip show. I'm mortified beyond belief thinking I could be permanently embedded with these people now.

Darien personally screwed me from the very beginning. He acted like it was all a big joke. He had the opportunity to warn me many times, yet he chose to make the whole thing seem like no big deal on purpose. He knew what was going on, what kind of people would show up and how things would be. He probably invited them personally like he did me. He planted that cockring on me. He planted those thoughts of doing anything to win in my head. He probably planted the judges too! Too bad they didn't stick with him in the end.

I can't believe what I did to my pokémon. I love them, yet I sexually assaulted them and made them go on stage afterwards for everyone to see. They don't even seem to mind! I mind. I did to them exactly what Darien did to me. I don't know what I can even do now. It's late. I'm going to try to get some sleep so I can think of something tomorrow.


Nov 2, 2019

I spent hours getting up my courage, and then I brought Angel, Scorch, and Kooper all together in my bedroom for a talk. We broke the ice by going over what we all thought about sex, love, and attraction. Angel was so naïve it mostly turned into him interviewing the three of us. He asked first about the physical stuff, of course. I feel we were able to at least answer that part accurately, but he also had difficult questions like "How do you know you can really trust your mate once you get one?"

I didn't give my answer out loud since I've never had a partner I felt I could rely on, but Scorch and Kooper covered for me. They talked about how it was like cooperating in doubles battles, which makes sense considering how they got together. So that part all went fine, but then I got into how wrong what I'd done to them was.

I tried to explain how the whole Contest situation was bad. They understood I wanted them to stay away from those people in the future, but they didn't get why I was blaming myself for any of what had already happened. They agreed they weren't ashamed, and they didn't find my explanation of why they should be convincing at all. They just kept apologizing for not defending me well enough, and I had to stop pushing it after a while. I don't understand how I confused them so much. I thought it would have been really clear cut.

I went in thinking I had to teach them they deserve to have their boundaries respected, but I came out feeling like they understood that just fine but their sense of what's appropriate in the first place doesn't work the same as ours. They didn't see why their junk would need hiding or even why humans wear clothing, apart from fashion. I thought Angel would have understood the embarrassment part of it for sure, given his reactions when Anna and Trixie saw him hard, but it turns out he was literally scared of his physical vulnerability and of them being angry with him.

Pokémon are mysterious. They're so much more than pets. They have their own ways of thinking and their own culture. I feel like I've just learned something I should have known from the beginning. They normally start kids out on their trainer journies at 10. Isn't that really young? I started mine at 17 and still fucked it all up. How many trainers perpetually mistreat their team because they can't understand the complex relationships they're forming?

I'm thinking about my parents in the same context now, how I always told them they never respected my boundaries. How did I really know that? I mean, how could I have known what they were trying to do? They might have treated the concept of boundaries totally differently in their day. They might have believed they were doing right by me the whole time. Maybe I never wanted to think that way because I never wanted to imagine what made them the way they were.

Now I am thinking about it, and I realize I have no idea because I never even asked them what things were like for them. I know I didn't respect them, either in intent or behavior, but I also feel strongly that I was never taught how to show respect in the first place. Maybe nobody knows what they're doing in this life and it's all a big mess.


Nov 2, 2019, later

I don't usually do double entries, but I need to tell you this. Angel came and talked with me alone. He locked us in my room together, which he's never done before. I couldn't remember the last time he was so assertive with me. He had a determined look on his face and told me that part of respecting him at least is letting him apologize for his role in the whole thing. I still wouldn't hear it, of course.

I told him exactly how I felt, which was that I'd taken advantage of him and tried to use him for my own advancement, and how that just wasn't right no matter how he felt. I'd never seen that look on his face before. He started sniffling and asked meekly if I was really ashamed of him. That's when I saw the mistake I was making. I remembered he's not a pet or an animal. He's another intelligent being on my level who can talk and express his feelings in a way I can understand if I try.

We stared in each other's eyes for a long time as both of us struggled not to cry. I just kept shaking my head. "Of course not I'm not ashamed of you, of course I'm not." Then he said, "It's okay, Jenny. You didn't know what they were doing to you." That made me understand a lot better all at once, and I burst into tears. He could see so easily that I hadn't meant to hurt him. He trusts me, an incredible amount. He held me the whole time I was crying and pet my hair. I'd forgotten how warm and soft his fur was. He buried himself in my arms, and he smelled so nice. I started wishing we still cuddled like we used to at night, back when everything was innocent.

He turned back around and thanked me for the fleshlight before he left. It was so cute. It looked like he'd been trying to thank me for a long time. He's always held his feelings inside and needs convincing to make them come out. I just didn't realize he needed me to do the convincing.


Nov 3, 2019

I'm not going to be able to forget about what happened, but it's tabled for now. Everyone was in better spirits today, including me. I went shopping for necessities, including food and batteries to stop the smoke detector beeping at random times, but when I was done with that, I relaxed in the department store for a couple hours and got myself a new outfit.

Burnard's run away again, with perfect timing as always. He's already been restless since the evolution, and there's no place for an Arcanine to run around in the city unless I want to pay for daycare just to use their play facilities. We may just have made a wad, but that doesn't mean I have to throw it all away into the black hole of daycare. I put Anna on tracking down Burnard like usual. She can definitely take care of herself in the city, and she likes getting out of the noise of the apartment, especially these days.

This morning, I thought I wanted to try to relieve some of the pressure we've all been feeling from the overcrowding, but I contacted North Pokémon Center, and the lady told me if I want to put them back in the PC, I have to wait for new slots to become available. That's okay. I kind of like having so many of them around here. It's like we're making friends all over again.

It turns out everyone knew about Angel's humpy time anyway, from the noises and smells it makes. I did kind of wonder. I felt sorry for him at first, but then I saw him stand his ground when Trixie confronted him about it. He said I must like him best because I bought him a special present and he's the only one who has one. A human being would have found that situation super awkward and embarrassing, but just like before, Angel wasn't ashamed at all. I guess that means he'd be fucking it on the living room couch if I hadn't told him he needed to do it alone in my room. Maybe I should let him. My room is becoming the new communal chill space during the day, and it's getting hard to find excuses to get everybody out so Angel can have private time.

I've been way too concerned with watching and guiding my monsters' behavior overall. It's not like they need me to be their mother. That was just a complex I had. I was deeply ashamed when I realized I was doing it, but the habit was easy to drop once I admitted it to myself. I don't even think they need me to be their owner most of the time. They spend most of their time with each other, and when they want to watch TV with me in my room, they act like I'm one of them more than anything.

I'm becoming painfully aware of all the sex at that happens at night, after everyone's left the bedroom. Can't I have some love too, ever? It's been so long, and it doesn't work very well trying to cuddle yourself after getting off. I guess I really am too old for anyone to be interested in me anymore.


Nov 4, 2019

It's midnight. I feel happy and calm now, in a way I didn't before. It's like all the bad stuff has been washed away. One hour ago, I had just finished brushing my teeth and everything before bed when Angel knocked on my door. I was already really tired and didn't want to deal with anyone else, but I decided I should put my nightgown back on and let him in anyway. He looked worried, which made me a little frantic and woke me back up. He didn't turn the lights on, just went over, sat on my bed, and didn't say anything. I remember I sighed in exasperation before I sat down next to him. "What's wrong?" I'm sure you can just hear the tone I used.

He didn't answer, just kept glancing at me every so often with his gentle, wide, red eyes. I felt bad for snapping, but I thought I should stay quiet too so I didn't pressure him. He clearly had something difficult to say. He looked up at me after a couple minutes and whined my name like "Jenny..." really soft in an even higher voice than usual. I froze up. "There's no way," I thought, but then there it was. "Jenny, I love you!" I got a shiver down my spine.

Maybe I should have seen it coming given all that's happened, but I don't think I would have been prepared for it even if I had. My mouth hung open, and I had no idea how to respond. First thing that came to mind was feigning ignorance and brushing it off, saying I loved him too, but as one of the team. I just couldn't, though. It would have really hurt his feelings if I'd replied to his honesty with a dodge like that. The way he said it, scared but determined like he'd been struggling to tell me for a long time, just like he'd thanked me for his toy... I confessed to somebody that way too, when I was younger.

I didn't know what to do. On the one hand, the situation made me nervous the same way the Beauty Contest had. I felt I had an obligation to explain how I didn't want to take advantage of him, how it wasn't acceptable to society for us to be together or fair for him. On the other, I wasn't sure any of that was really true anymore after what we'd talked about, or at least I wasn't sure it applied to us. Trainers even get married to the pokémon they've raised in the movies, and I've heard that's because it used to happen all the time for real.

My head just swam, and nothing would come out. I took up a long time trying to think of what to say, and he was only getting more nervous, just staring at the beam of moonlight across my carpet with his paws clenched together on his lap. I knew I couldn't just say nothing. I blurted out the only thing I'd been able to think of, "I love you too." I really meant to say more after that, but instead I just kind of closed my mouth and stopped.

It hadn't felt wrong at all. It didn't feel like I was about to date my pet dog. I felt guilty I'd still been entertaining thoughts that implied Angel was a dumb animal instead. I wasn't the acting same as the people in the Contest either. They looked down on their pokémon and used them for cheap thrills. I wasn't taking advantage of anybody, just reciprocating my best friend's feelings. That's when it started to sink in. I was coming up with reasons to let my confession go unqualified because I do love him. I looked him in his eyes and told him again, more confidently.

Suddenly it was like we could both breathe again. It dawned on me that I'd been just as desperate and confused as he had over the past month. I'd been focused on relieving him sexually, concerned about his personal life, and more interested in his feelings than in my own. I'd been struggling so hard to keep it all at bay without even realizing it, just because I was scared of what it would mean. Now I knew he'd been doing exactly the same thing. It all made sense once it was out in the open. It was okay to be attracted to him. It was okay to admit he was more than a friend.

I crawled up to the head of the bed and sat patting the place next to me with a "let's talk" attitude. Angel smiled the biggest smile and flung himself at me. Thankfully, I managed to catch him before he pummeled his head into my tits. His body is 4/5 my size when he's Mega. He pushed himself against my front, and I held him for a long time, the same way we hugged night before last. He was warm and soft, and his head fur smelled like dust and burnt sugar. I had never cuddled with him in an overtly romantic way before. I pet his head and rubbed his shoulders, and he shuddered so cute when I played with his ear tendrils. I leaned forward and kissed him. After his initial surprise, he kissed me back, and we made out for a long time.

He opened my gown during it and started playing with me through my bra. Maybe that was a little fast, but I kept up the kiss and didn't stop him. It was an entirely new situation for both of us, so I decided I was going to give it a chance and let it play out for a minute or two. I didn't even have to wait that long. He pulled back from the kiss with the biggest, cutest grin on his face, and his little paws tugged my nipples through the cloth. I gasped, and my body just responded. I relaxed back into the headboard and let him do exactly what he wanted. It was so fucking nice to have a guy feel me up for once.

He got under my bra from the bottom and squished my breasts against my body. He finally looked up at my face again, and I think that's when he realized I wouldn't be making any protests because his cock jutted out and poked into my belly all of a sudden. It slid right up the middle, already slippery from his sheath. It was quite hot, not just warm, and it bounced and twitched in its own sticky. I just stared. I had dealt with it so many times, I'd never really taken the time to look at it, you know what I mean? It was probably about five inches long, but it looked bigger on his smaller body, thick all the way up and rounded at the tip.

I took a deep breath and wrapped my right hand around it from underneath, holding it for the first time ever. God, Diary... I got so turned on. It jumped up right away and squirted all this pre on my belly. It was a big, warm rush of relief for both of us. The species boundary didn't feel like it mattered at all anymore. I stroked my fingers up and down his plump, squishy belly, simply letting myself enjoy his body the same way he was enjoying mine. He looked up at me again and started humping my belly, beating his nuts on the underside. I caught them in my left hand and slowly felt them, rolling them back and forth around each other in my cupped palm. The fur on them was softer and thinner, and they weighed a lot for their size.

He stared at me and started whining as he kept feeling my breasts. I think he wanted to get my bra off but didn't know how, so I helped him push the cups up off them. He legit squeaked when they flopped out. He held up the right one from underneath with both paws, leaned in, and sucked my nipple as he humped. I moaned into my hands, not wanting the rest of the team to know what was happening. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest.

It just went on and on. I knew he knew how to move on, I told him how myself the other day. He was just shy, so I lifted his surprisingly light body up from under his arms and pinned him under me, preparing to reveal everything to him. I straddled him and knelt upright on my knees, presenting him with my new pink pair of panties. I swayed my hips and pulled them up harder so the creases smoothed and they bulged me up in between my thighs. He leaned forward to sniff the front of my panties, then he reached up and moved my hands off of the waistband. He made this kind of gasp noise pulling them down, but he wasn't looking where I thought. He was staring below my pussy instead, at the strands of juice stretching between the cloth and my lips. I remember blushing really hard right then. I guess I hadn't really realized that a boy might get excited from a girl's mess too.

I sat back on the bed in front of him to take my underwear all the way off and took the opportunity to look him over. His long ears and smug smile, his chubby belly and chest tuft, he was just a cute puff of a boy above the waist, but if you looked down below that, he was also a fully erect, excited, sexual being. I shivered. His nuts had sunk into the sheets, and I got this thrill, like "it's no wonder he needs to use his toy so often." I got back up and knelt where I was before, only closer, and let him feel me with his little, groping paws and their velvety fur while I worked on my bra. He touched and squeezed my pussy from back to front and got me really horny, making my legs tremble. He was paying such close attention...! He kept thrusting his hips up and spraying pre all over my thighs in excitement.

I was tight up all over. I was so ready for it my vision had gone blurry. I reached down and found his cock, which had become massive and turgid, and squeezed it. I leaned forward and pushed my hips against his belly, trapping it between us, and rubbed my clit up and down his smooth member. It was all slick, and I could do only a few rubs at a time before I had to stop and clench, but I did it over and over until I got slippery wet. He was panting terribly hard, belly rising and falling with the occasional tense pull when he whimpered.

I pulled back, and he sprung up, stiff and bouncy. I reached down to guide him, gripping him with my hand flat in his crotch fur and my thumb and index finger wrapped around his base. I knelt back enough to get him in and tried to get him lined him up. His tip kept slipping out of the hole, but I kept trying until I squished on him. I squeezed on him right away, hard enough my asshole clenched too.

The smoothness of his cock was weird at first, and he was much firmer than I remember other men being, but I found the appeal in it as I started to ride him. He was so hard he felt amazing to squeeze on, and he was the perfect shape and size. He pushed me open wide and stuffed me all the way up. I started out slow to get him slicked up but then went faster and firmer. He could only whimper at first, but then he started to moan so loud I had to muffle him between my breasts. He clung to me, his ears flopping at my sides as we bounced on the bed. He licked at my belly, curling his antennae around my arms.

Eventually, he slid his paws down and felt around the curves of my butt, mostly letting me ride, I think because doing it himself made him too sensitive. I wouldn't have minded him going off so soon if it really was too much for him, but I wanted to draw out the pleasure for both of us and slowed back down. I loosened up, dropped my hips to his hilt so my lips curled against his sheath, clamped on him, and kept the squeeze going while I slid back up. We held hands and moaned at each other as quietly as we could. I was sensitive too after so long. I think we both felt like we were on the edge of cumming the whole time, in our own shared, happy haze.

His crotch fur tickled my skin when I would sit on him all the way. It was warm and comforting, and I eventually leaned forward so I could bury my clit in it. I gripped the headboard to hold myself up, trapping him between myself and the smooth wood, and bounced energetically all the way up and down his member with a longer stroke. He wiggled his hips and began to thrust finally, poking me at all new angles. We picked up on each other's rhythm like two best friends should, and he pushed up in me each time I smacked down, getting my cervix sticky. He rubbed my sweat into my butt crack, and I curled over him, burying my nose in his head fur.

Out of nowhere, he clasped his paws on my hips and grabbed really hard, holding me still. He shifted and lifted his butt up off the bed, planted his feet flat and firm, and pulled down to the point he was almost slipping out. Then he shoved all the way up and in, firm and decisive, held, and twitched, blasting long spurts of pre in my squished-up womb. He began to ravage me with his full length on every thrust, slapping his nuts and sending ripples through my ass cheeks. I kept thinking about his butt jiggling under me, tail twitching each time his asshole clenched.

I only held out for a little bit after that. My senses were almost all gone, concentrated on the pleasure of the act. I couldn't control it anymore. I dropped down on him, shaking, and came so hard you could hear it splat his fur. His paws squeezed into my ass cheeks, and he desperately stuffed himself, blasting his jizz off all over my womb. His cock tensed hard with each Mega spurt, pulling forward on my belly from the inside. He produced so much! It built up and leaked out down my thighs.

We cuddled a bunch afterwards, which was so happy. I sat against the headboard, and he crawled up between my legs so he could rest against me while I pet him. The whole experience was a huge relief. There was no talking, just touching and staring. I wanted that part to go on and on, but it only lasted for a few minutes until we started to get sleepy. We snuck into the bathroom together and took a short shower to get cleaned up, but we knew that was it. We couldn't fall sleep together if this was gonna stay a secret. At least this way, I got the chance to write it down so I can read and remember, you know?


Nov 5, 2019

Violetta called today and asked if I wanted to have lunch. I know I told her she could call whenever, I just really wish she hadn't woken me up at 7 in the morning after I got laid last night. Well, I didn't really know what I thought of her anymore, and I wasn't sure I really wanted to see her after all. I almost made an excuse and passed on it but agreed to meet up with her at the last second. I wanted to try to get to know her before judging, and that's exactly what I did.

We had a pretty good conversation overall. Violetta isn't her real name, but she isn't an imposter or a Team Rocket. She's playing detective "for fun," at least that's what she said. She calls herself a double agent, and she gave me some good intelligence, which included Darien's personal cell-phone number. She wants me to do her a favor in return so she knows she can trust me. Not sure what I have to offer her, though.

She claims she really is rich, richer than Darien could ever dream to be. I thought that meant we'd be going to a fancy restaurant, but we didn't. She asked me where I wanted to go but kept turning down my choices until I suggested that taco stand down the street from the sushi place, maybe because it's noisy and outside.

After we got settled, she asked me what I had thought of the theme for the Beauty Contest. Maybe she was just trying to find out how much I knew, but I didn't mind telling her. I don't know. She seemed very different outside of the Contest, and something told me I could trust this version of her. According to what she said, all three judges thought Darien had brought me along as his friend, and the way my team dressed and performed gave nobody any reason to doubt I was aware of the whole game.

What game? Well, you know how Beauty Contests used to be more like stud shows for livestock, where trainers competed in events designed to demonstrate pokémon fitness in order to sell their breeding rights to other trainers for the highest price? There are apparently detailed records of people who took part in those because they wanted to have sex with the pokémon themselves. They'd use the event as an excuse to find other interested trainers, then they'd trade pokémon back and forth like toys. She called it the biggest open secret in the industry.

I got nervous at that point, for obvious reasons, but I kept my cool. I remembered I don't look down on Angel or treat him like a toy, and I'm not about to trade him away to anyone. What happened in my bedroom was just between me and him, and there's no reason it should affect how I think about pokémon trafficking.

Anyway, the 90s came around, Pokémon was starting to become a big, profitable industry, and laws were put in place to make sure it stayed firmly in control of the big corporations. Beauty Contests were streamlined and popularized as an alternative way for trainers to compete. But a lot of the less savory ones were still around and just started their own, underground Contests. They would make everything look legitimate on the surface but would tightly control the guest lists and would never operate in the same location for too long. Some even got so good at disguising themselves they got support of the major Leagues, and today the whole thing is so institutionalized nobody even notices.

I'm seeing things differently now, like how mascots like Pikachu Libre are low-key sexualized in advertisements, how there are pokémon sex toys now, and how convenient it is that "daycare" has become code for trainers who don't want to openly talk about their monsters' mating habits. It does look like the whole industry might be influenced by pokémon perverts in high places. If true, these people have been getting bolder and bolder lately, and they've latched onto something in the human psyche.

I got a feeling right from the beginning of the Contest like everyone was a creep, yet I kept going back instead of just quitting. I did need money, except that's not really it because I never once considered could have gotten it from a billion other places besides from them. It was my desperation and bullheadedness that allowed them to manipulate and almost trap me. They wanted to train me to think like them and make decisions that were bad for me and my team. They subverted my values and diverted my goals.

They're gaining power by appealing to the general population's covetousness, loneliness, and any other negative emotion they can get their hands on that causes people to stop thinking straight. They latched onto me by dangling the thing I most wanted in front of me, knowing I couldn't reach it by myself, and they got me to cooperate with them and act like them. That's how they recruit, with lies, baiting, and doublespeak. The group must have lots of pawns by now, people who don't directly know what's going on but who are strategically placed, played, and moved around so they never get the full idea. That's how all business works these days, even supposedly legitimate business. They say that those kinds of schemes are like houses of cards because if you pull one card out the whole thing tumbles, but it looks more like the Great Pyramid Scheme to me.

Maybe I really can be the one to yank the cornerstone out from under it.


Nov 6, 2019

I took time to collect myself and consider our next move today. I barely saw Angel yesterday since I was out. It probably gave him some time to think on things too, which is good. He doesn't seem to have talked about it with any of the other monsters or anything, but he still couldn't stop staring and grinning at me all day today. A couple hours ago, he groped my ass behind the kitchen counter where no one could see, and we had really good sex again after everyone went to sleep. Tried doggy style this time, and it was amazing. He's the perfect height to stand on the bed behind me. I feel like this is definitely going to become a thing.


Nov 7, 2019

Shit, Diary. Darien just left. He knew my address from the Contest admission application. I should have known he would try to follow up with me. He showed up uninvited and shoved his way into the apartment. He almost saw Angel, who ran to hide under the sink with Gertrude. I'd have killed him if he'd tried to do something to them, but he didn't. He merely ignored my protests and sat down on the couch for a chat, taking off his jacket and leaning back like he owned the place.

He might have stayed a long time, I don't know. I didn't have the nerve to call the police, even when he was in the bathroom. I had a bunch of loose pokémon, any of whom could have dealt with him solo, but it's very illegal to order your pokémon to attack another trainer. Maybe he would have even wanted revenge or taken it right there. He didn't do anything physical to us, just talked to us, so there was nothing really to defend against anyway. I don't know. I can't calm down.

I guess he must not have realized I'd figured out what he was. For all he knew, I was the same girl from his Contest who had made her Audino cum on the stage and was completely into his brand of garbage. He acted disgusting, coming right out and said how hot he thought my boys' performance was, complaining about how he should have won the Contest and how I would never have gotten so far without his help. He totally does think he's reeling in his latest rising star. I played along and thanked him for his help. It didn't feel good, but now I'm glad I reacted that way. My cover isn't blown, and that's the one advantage I have over him.


Nov 7, 2019, later

Regality, my Persian, just told me what she did while Darien was here. She saw a bulge on the inside of his jacket and snuck out from behind the couch while he was in the bathroom to try and take what she thought was his wallet off him. She got something, but it turned out to be a small, black, ring-bound notebook, his book of professional contacts. It doesn't have addresses or emails or anything like that, but it does have names and phone numbers for Team Rocket members going up to Ariana and other powerful people. I'm going to give it to Violetta to prove she can trust me but not before I copy it.

You'd think that I'd be proud of Regality and happy to have my "in" or that I'd be scheming about what to do with all these possibilities, but I don't know how to feel. I don't know why Regality did what she did, I'm angry at her for putting herself in danger, and it's only a matter of time before Darien finds out his book is missing. What if he really does try to get revenge? What if he charges me with stealing? ...or, I don't know who he is for real. What if he tries to blackmail me or sends goons after us?

We just paid rent, and now we need to move out, to a new region if possible. I guess it doesn't matter which one now that we're not traveling for competition. I want a mansion in Galar with lots of land, somewhere where I can live with all my team and never meet another human being if I don't want to, where everybody can live safe and free, where we can just spend our days having fun together. I bet we could even be self sufficient since there are over 70 of us, as long as we divided up the work taking care of the place. We'd never have to rely on money to get us through, ever again.

Screw money. Making it just means doing shit you don't want to for people you don't care about, and spending it is making them do shit they don't want to for you! How is that fair? It just gives people more ability to commit crimes. More reason to commit crimes.


Nov 8, 2019

I sat down with Regality last night and asked her why she stole the book. She said she simply didn't like the way Darien was acting and wanted to cause him trouble, so she just acted in the moment. She looked up at me with guilty eyes and asked me if I was reprimanding her. I wasn't, of course. I wouldn't reprimand one of my team for being brave. She believed me, but it reminded me how it's hard to really, truly understand someone else, anyone else. You can't read their mind. You have to try and try and try and constantly reconsider what you've learned.

This past month or so has been a long lesson in that, how misunderstandings can lead down some very dangerous roads, like with Darien, but also some incredibly positive and fulfilling ones, like with Angel. Regality stealing the book may have been a stupid thing to do, or it may have been smart. In the end, I just think there's no way to tell how any decision will pan out. No one can read the future. You're always taking a chance, whether you're daring or a coward.

Our talk went on till morning, and I feel like I successfully told her everything that had been going on in my head about Darien, Violetta, and the Contest. She listened very patiently and carefully to me, and I think it encouraged her to confide in me about the problem that had been bothering her. In short, she's come to an age where she would rather have a family of her own than keep fighting, and I've been going that direction as well. The battles and the glory were never my focus as a trainer. It was the monsters themselves and their lives, trying to help them grow up better than my parents helped me and get along better than I can with others.

Regardless, I didn't really know what to tell her at first since that's not my area of expertise. She's a beauty, and she's smart and Bold too, so she should have no problem finding a mate. The problem for her is opportunity. I did ask if she wanted to be released, but she shook her head as though I didn't really understand. But in the end, we came up with a plan that allows us to stick together and gives both of us a shot at fulfilling our dreams, based on how Regality herself was bred with near-perfect IVs. We're going to call people from Darien's book pretending to be professional breeders and offer her services.

She liked the idea, so I looked up a little bit about it. It seems if anyone commissions us, we would most likely be invited to live with them as Regality goes through her pregnancy, which makes it the perfect way to go incognito and collect dirt on these people. Plus it's how I'm going to make enough money to buy that estate, so I never have to worry about that shit again and can finally put as much love and attention into my team as I want to. It's not Battles or Beauty Contests, and it's definitely not ever what I thought I was going to be doing with my life, but sometimes things just work out, and the best thing to do is take the opportunity that presents itself.

I think she's convinced me how with some situations, it does pay to just rush in. I don't always get things right, actually I usually don't, and that's why I need to learn to rely on my team. I need to cooperate with them instead of bossing them around. I long ago fell into the trap of trying to do it all myself, never asking my friends for help because I wanted to take responsibility. Yet every time I have relied on my team over the past month and a half, we've found success.

I think something's been changing in me. All those stories about trainers learning and gaining strength from the love of their pokémon are starting feel real now, less like fantasy or children's morals and more like a faithful depiction of reality. It's like, in "Ash's Pikachu and the Mew," I always used to think it was stupid their tears brought him back, but now that I get what it meant, it makes me cry too.

When I was little, I wanted to be the very best just like Ash, and so did all my friends. We thought we had plans. Then only one of us actually went on her journey when she turned 10, and everybody else gradually fell away into other things. I convinced myself I'd been abandoned and betrayed, and I felt nothing for them but anger for the longest time. I was sure they had lost their way, but underneath, I really just wished I could be like them, didn't I?

I threw a tantrum worse than the one Darien threw at the judges the one time Mom sat me down and explicitly told me I was too old to be a trainer and how I needed to become a beautician like her. My reaction back then got me in a lot of trouble, but now I'm glad I never let anyone take my freedom away from me. I have a client list of my own now, Mom. I don't need to borrow yours. I don't need to run back into your waiting, open arms so you can "help" me by controlling the rest of my life.

You said you "provided for me" really well when I was little, so I guess you and Dad really thought you were doing the best for me by making all that money, but the reality is you didn't know what you were doing at all. He was physically absent, and you missed him so much every time he was on a business trip you were emotionally absent. You don't tell a child they've "missed their window" even if they still want to be a trainer at 17. That's just something you really don't tell your kid! There are plenty of older trainers. There are probably more adult trainers than teenagers! You can't just crush a lifelong dream like that.

And anyway, I begged you to let me go on a pokémon journey when I was the right age, but you held me back and didn't let me. I was only 9, and you argued with me and convinced I didn't know what I wanted. You told me it was a phase. You made me train at your profession until you knew I was too old. You just wanted me to live your life for you, do all the things you wanted to do but couldn't! That was one too many times you treated me like your personal robot you built yourself. I left anyway, and I'll never regret it.

It can't be the child's responsibility to pay the parent back the cost of raising them. It's the adults' decision to have the child in the first place. I didn't ask to be born, but here I am, and I'm going to do what I want in this world no matter who thinks it's a dumb idea. So what if I got a late start? So what if I'm not very good at it? I'm on my own journey. Even if it turns out all wrong, at least I'll have dug my own grave instead of you digging it for me. I'm not going to let the memories of how you treated me hold me back ever again. I'm going to grow whatever pokéfruits I choose to, in my own orchard.