L’esprit Lake

 - by Chio

Warning: Contains suicidal subject matter.

Table of Contents:

Part One: Periwinkle
Part Two: Sleepover
Part Three: Sailor Boy
Part Four: Calm

Periwinkle

	I’ve always loved the water.  Big brother and me live by the lake but he doesn’t appreciate it as-much-as I do.  I guess because we’re bunnies, we’re not very strong swimmers and while he avoids the water completely, I’m always thinking about what it would be like to swim around out there in the lake where I can’t even see or touch the bottom -- it sounds so peaceful.

We have two deer neighbours and one around our age who visit us almost every day because we’re all home-schooled by mum and dad who teach us things.  Currently we’re learning history, which is super boring and I struggle not to fall-asleep during the lessons.  I try my best to stay awake though because if mum or dad catch one of us sleeping, they’ll smack our desk really loud with a ruler which is really scary!

After school is over, though, is when we can have lots of fun.  Big brother and the two deer go off to do their own things, but they’re too rough for me and the youngest of us all, Periwinkle, who we just call ‘Peri’ or ‘pup’.  We don’t like being rough and getting bruises so he often slips out of his clothes and goes swimming while I step out onto the wood raft and watch him.  Sometimes I try to join him in swimming, but mum and dad always yell at me to get back on the raft or shore and stay out of the water.  I try to tell them that I can swim too but they don’t believe me so I just watch my friend swim around and play with them however I can.

Peri is a much better swimmer than me and it’s fun to watch him circle the raft with just his ears and tail sticking out of the water.  One game we like to play is when I sit on his back and he swims around with me on him since he’s such a strong swimmer.  We’re only allowed to do this if we keep really close to the raft though or my parents will get upset again.  Another fun game is where I toss a ball and we time how fast he can swim to it and bring it back.  We always play this while still close to shore though and never too far out into the lake.

While the lake’s shore is calm and clear, it quickly becomes deep and almost looks black from a distance with a thick fog over the water.  Peri’s parents have warned him many times to never ever swim anywhere near that far as many others have gone missing in the fog to never be found.  My own parents have never warned me but they probably don’t see a point to it since they wont allow me to swim at all unless I’m right next to shore or the raft.

He doesn’t seem to mind that I often dress like a girl.  My parents even named me ’Petunia’, so I think they wanted a girl instead.  I don’t mind though -- everyone calls me ‘Petu’ instead and I find girl’s clothes are more comfy and colourful anyway, so neither my brother or our neighbours complain when I’m around looking like a girl.  The deer neighbours are twins and they’re four years older than me; the girl of the two sometimes likes to put makeup on me which makes me pretty embarrassed but it’s still fun.

Our parents make sure that I change into more boyish clothes whenever we go out in public or when company visits though.  There’s were a-few times when company was over that I forgot to change and they all laughed like I was playing around -- and maybe I was! So I lifted up the back of my skirt to show my undies while hopping back to my room to change before joining them again.  Usually it’s just our neighbour friends who visit though and sometimes people from town who like to check-up on what we’ve learnt from class.

Big brother, Phlox, always giggles and teases me when he sees me in boy clothes.  He knows how uncomfy I am in them and can’t wait to take them off to change and, when company leaves, I do.  It usually isn’t until bedtime when company leaves though, so I often just change into my pyjamas and sometimes big brother helps me.  I love my pyjamas too! They are so soft and comfy and warm when its chilly but, in the summer, it’s too hot to wear them so I just sleep nakie.

Big brother can get weird at bedtime though.  Every few days or so, he likes when I get on my hands and knees while nakie or with my undies pulled down around my ankles.  He’ll then craw on-top of me and slowly push his stiff boy part into my tail-hole.  It usually hurts at first and I try my best to be quiet so mum and dad don’t hear but I still can’t help but squeak when it gets too ouchie.  I’m not really sure how he’s able to get his boy part so stiff since mine doesn’t want to grow like his, but he tells me that it will in-time so I’m kind-of looking forward to when that day comes.

Once inside and while it still hurts, big brother will start to thrust back and forth to make his boy part push deep and shallow inside my tail-hole that would squeeze it tightly.  He tells me to stop clenching so hard and I try to do as he says but it’s hard not to! His pace goes faster and faster and he starts to pant before I can feel his boy part grow a-little more and start throbbing as it squirts something inside me.  This makes his stop and catch his breath while still crawled-up on me before he pulls out and gives me a kiss on the cheek and a hug then curls up in bed.

My tail-hole is usually sore after this but it feels better by the morning and I like making big brother happy and the attention he gives me.  I thought about telling Peri about play-time with big brother but I think it’s our little secret so I bite my lip and don’t tell anyone.  It’s kind-of embarrassing anyway and they’d probably just laugh and tease me if I told them that he puts something into my tail-hole.

Sleepover

	On weekends, mum usually just makes us some salad, but today is special -- it’s my big brother’s birthday! For breakfast, she made us some french toast with lots of berries and syrup.  After that, brother and me built a pillow fort on the sofa and played inside fishing with a magnet on a rope with a bunch of metal things on the floor we tried to catch.  I was better than him at this and caught a screwdriver, a stapler, and some cards from dad’s wallet that he got pretty upset about.

Around lunch, our best friends and neighbours showed-up for the party and we all went outside where they had setup some tables with chairs and a bar-b-q.  We made hot-dogs and hamburgers and there were chips too, but I’ve always hated salty things.  By the end of lunch, my tummy was so full, it felt like I could just roll around like a beach-ball -- which I did! Peri and me rolled around in the grass and big brother even joined us too for a-bit but the deer I guess didn’t want to.

We all decided to play hid-and-seek after that and mum and dad told us there’ll be more food inside when we get hungry or thirsty again.  The deer twins, Aster and Poppy, were the first seekers, since they do everything together, brother hopped off into the forest, and peri and me hid behind a big rock.  We thought it was a good spot and we would just move around the rock whenever the seekers got close, but those two have such good hearing that they found us right away.

It was my turn to seek next, so I closed my eyes against a tree and counted to sixty before going on a hunt to find the others.  Sniffing the air and twitching my ears around, I try to catch onto any clues where they may be but it took me a-while to sense anything.  I hop around acting clueless before jumping in-front of the opening of a cardboard box that’s been laying around some trees for months -- it was Peri inside! After a hi-five and a hug, we resume our hunt for the others.

It didn’t actually take too long before we caught-on to where the others were hiding since they weren’t being very quiet and giggling a-lot.  We follow the noise until finding them up in the tree-house where we jumped in through the door and yelled, “surprise!” They didn’t look like they were playing any-more though -- they had a bunch of canned drinks and were just sitting around giggling and talking about silly things.

They offered pup and me each a can drink, which we opened and sniffed before taking a sip from.  It tasted gross and we both gave it back to them which they teased us about -- calling us ‘wussies’ and saying we’re just a couple of babies who’ll never grow-up.  I don’t really understand how not liking some gross tasting drink makes us babies but it kinda hurt hearing them say it.  It became clear that we weren’t welcome and they had no interest in playing hide-and-seek, so pup and me left to go back to our raft on the lake.

We had brought a board game this time and would play that for hours while the gentle waves would push the raft up and down under us.  I’m happy that big brother is enjoying his birthday with his friends, but I’d rather spend the day with Peri.  He told me once that his dad is mean, so that’s why it’s just him and his mum a-lot of the time.  His dad always seems to come back eventually though, and it makes Peri sad when he does.

When we were younger, we would often sneak-out at night to spend time together on our raft and would talk about anything we could think of -- or just sit quietly and fall asleep cuddling each-other so we wouldn’t wake-up shivering.  He told me about his dad and showed me his bruises.  He told me how he never felt safe unless he was with me and how he was happiest when his dad was away from home for weeks at-a-time.

We were almost finished our board game when it started to get dark and mum and dad called us in to join them at a campfire they had setup.  At-least, they said to join them, but they left when we came so it was just pup and me, big brother, and the deer twins.  Some tents were setup for us to sleep in and some leftover food was by the fire but I was still full from lunch.

The deer and big brother started sipping away at those gross canned drinks again when our parents left and tried to get pup and me to drink them but is still tasted so bad we spit it out.  They again teased us and made us feel bad, but whatever.  We just shared a warm blanket by the fire and had much tastier drinks to sip away at.  Then they started telling a story about the lake.

They told us how the lake used to be all clear and peaceful and kids from all around would come to swim in it.  Year after year, hundreds of kids came to this very beach where they played games and swam in the water from close to shore to way out in the deep parts.  That is, until a big wind came and swept them out so far that they couldn’t swim back.  They all drowned out there and the thick fog we see now is their spirits that remain trying to swim back to shore.  Anyone who enters that fog is grabbed by the spirits and pulled under to join them to forever be lost out in the lake -- and that is why our parents will never let us leave the shore.

Pup and me were holding each-other by the end of the story, now realizing how close we came to joining those spirits when we were playing and he got a-bit too far from shore.  He said it got really deep all-of-a-sudden and that it felt like some force was trying to pull him out further, so he had to swim extra hard to make it back to shore.  I’ll make sure to not let him swim out that far ever again.

It wasn’t long after the story that we started to get sleepy and went to our tent to change into our pyjamas.  Pup slipped-out of his clothes and pulled up some comfy looking pants with cute bones all over them and I slipped-out of my dress.  Pup started looking at me a-bit odd when I pulled my undies down and off to get into my comfy pyjamas, but he stopped me before I could put anything on.

“Wait!” He said and pointed between my legs.  “I thought girls didn’t have boy parts down there.”

I look down at myself then back up at him with a confused look on my face.  “What’chu mean?”

He pulls down his pants just a bit to show me his boy bits and gave them a poke.  “This.  I thought only boys had this and that’s why they’re called ‘boy bits’.”

“Oh!” I said and nodded.  “Yeah, that’s what I heard too, why?”

He looked at me and tilted his head.  “Well.  You’re a girl, aren’t you?”

I shook my head.  “No, I don’t think so.”

It had just occurred to me that this was the first time we ever actually saw each-other nakie and since I was almost always in girl’s clothes around him, he must of thought I was a girl.  It’s kind-of funny, really -- we’ve known each-other for years and he thought I was a girl this entire time! I wonder if the deer twins think that as-well since we’ve also known them for years and we weren’t even as close as Peri and me.

He looked at me again down there before blushing and giggling.  “Wow, I feel stupid! Of-course you’re a boy -- you like the same stuff as me and I’m a boy, so it makes sense.”

I just shrug as I slip into my pyjamas before I get chilly.  “Well.  You like the things we do together and the other boys are too rough, right?”

He nods and I continue, ”...then, maybe you’re just kind-of girly too? Doesn’t mean you aren’t a boy still.”

That put a smile on his face as he nodded again to agree with me.  “Yah.”

It was then we could heard big brother and the deer twins giggling outside our tent and aping what we had said in a stupid voice to make fun of us again before going back to the campfire to hopefully leave us alone.  We gave each-other a hug and it was kind-of chilly tonight, so it was nice to have his warmth against me.

We finish our hug and I rub my arms looking chilly.  “Brr, hey Peri.  Can I share your sleeping bag tonight?”

He rubbed his arms as-well and nodded.  “Yah -- it’s kind-of cold, huh?”

We both crawl into his sleeping bag and I wrap my arms around him to hold him close as we snuggled together for a-while.  Every now-and-then my boy part would poke against him bum and he would wiggle and giggle making it poke some more.  It felt funny and my boy part never really got stiff before, so I don’t know why it’s doing it now, but pup seemed to find it funny too.  I’d even playfully rub it against him like big brother does to me but I didn’t want to hurt him like big brother does so I kept my pyjamas on.  We giggled lots before eventually falling asleep.

I had such a fun dream that night.  We were out on the lake-raft but, in the dream, we were both nakie.  I held his warm body against mine as I pushed my boy part inside his tail-hole and began thrusting it inside of him -- just like big brother does to me.  This went on for a-while before I squeezed him tight and pushed deep inside of him as I felt myself tingle.  It felt really nice but didn’t last too long until Peri and me were suddenly in the forest playing.

Sailor Boy

	When I eventually woke-up and stretched in the sleeping bag, I noticed that there was a wet spot on the front of my pyjamas.  I felt it with my hand and it was only a little spot but the back of Peri’s pyjamas were also a-little wet in the same area.  It was super embarrassing and made me think like I had peed in my sleep, so I tried my best to not think about it or draw attention to it in hopes that maybe pup won’t even notice.

With Peri still snuggled close to me, he turns around to face me in the sleeping-bag and yawns as he opens his eyes.  He wakes-up with a smile and starts to lick my face before holding me and closing his eyes again to get a-little more sleep in.  He was my best friend and I would do anything for him.  Sometimes I wish he was my brother instead of the one I have now who’s always teasing me -- even after I’m nice to him and let him do things to me at bedtime that are often a-bit painful.

After cuddling and holding each-other close in the warm sleeping bag while Peri got a-little more sleep in, we went inside and took a shower together ‘cause we were both a bit chilly and didn’t want to wait for the other to finish.  We got each-other all soapy and while I scrubbed Peri’s fur from head to toe, he scrubbed me in return.  We giggled a bunch while scrubbing our little butts and boy bits and he made mine get a-little stiff again -- that thing has been acting weird ever since I slept with pup.  Anyway, we were all soapy clean and soft again after our shower.

That afternoon, our parents took brother and me to town to go shopping for food and stuff.  Big brother kept complaining that he had a headache which I bet was because he stayed-up so late! I had to wear my uncomfy boy clothes which I never liked, but strangers are not always nice to me or my parents when they see me in my normal dresses or skirts.  I mostly just kept myself distracted by thinking about Peri and helping with groceries.  Mum says that we bunnies can’t eat meat, but I wanted to get something nice for pup, who loves meat, so I made her pickup some pepperoni sticks! I hope he likes them.

As we walked through the mall, I saw a really cute outfit in the window of a store that made me tug on mum’s hand and point at.  It was like a school uniform or sailor suit for girls that was all black with light-blue highlights and a cute bow-tie thing.  Mum agreed to go in the store with me and try it on and she eventually gave-in to getting it for me, saying, “I was growing out of my old clothes and need some new ones anyway.” It was so super pretty that I didn’t even put my boy clothes back on and finished our shopping in my new sailor suit!

When we got back home, the deer twins and pup were already in our yard playing.  I started running over to him without thinking of the groceries before mum stopped me and told me to come back to help bring them inside.  After helping with that, I grabbed the pepperoni and ran outside to join pup by the lake where I showed him what I got for him and his ears perked as he jumped up and down excitingly before giving me a big hug.  I think he must like this stuff!

After unwrapping the pepperoni and taking a big bite out of it, he stood back a-bit and scanned me up and down.  He then got a good feel of my new outfit with his free hand -- examining my sleeves, collar, ribbon bow, skirt and peeking down at the matching stockings and shoes.

“I love it!” He shouts before brushing his hand over my shoulder.  “It feels soft too.  Is it comfy?”

Giggling and nodding with a huge blush on my face, I hold my hands on the front of my skirt and sway a-little.  “Yah, is really comfy! Is my new favourite outfit, I think.”

He nods and snickers seeing me blush.  “How do ya do it? I’d be so embarrassed wearing something like that.”

I bite my lip and just shrug.  “I dunno.  It’s just what I’ve always been most comfy in.  Wearing boy clothes makes me feel...not right.”

Peri nods again and gives me a hug before running out in the water to wait for me at the raft while he swam around it.  Not wanting to get my new outfit dirty and wet, I quickly slip out of it down to my undies and run out to join him.  We played our usual games and finished our board game from yesterday.  At one point, big brother and the deer twins came to the shore as brother lifted up my new outfit and showed it to the twins for them to all giggle and point at me.  Peri would yell at them from the water to ‘go away’ and ‘leave us alone.’ Thankfully, they left and didn’t ruin my new outfit -- those jerks.

After a-while, I started to get a-bit sleepy from running around and playing all day, so I let pup continue swimming as I went back to shore.  Slipping back into my top, pulling my skirt up around my waist and tugging my stockings back up my legs, I then lay-down in the sand for a nap.  It didn’t take long before I drifted away to have another dream of Peri and it was only a short dream this time.  We were just running around the house chasing and tackling each-other playfully before I suddenly woke-up from someone sitting next to me.

It was big brother, Phlox.  I sit-up and turn away from him, still grumpy about how he’s been treating me, and hug my knees with my arms.  He kind-of just sits there near me and watches Peri, who’s now on the raft reading a book.  Eventually, he decides to say something while still looking out into the lake.

“Ya know.  I tease you a-lot and I’m probably not the best big brother for you.  I know that I can hurt you at night and can see it on your face.  It often makes me cry a-little when I go-to bed after, feeling bad about it.  I don’t want to hurt you, Petu, and I don’t like making-fun of you.”

He sighs as I relax a-little as he continues.  “I just.  I want you to know that I’m really proud to have you as my brother or sister -- whatever you want to be.  I love you, Petu.  Don’t ever change who you are and I will always be there for you when you really need me.”

By the time he finishes talking, tears were running down my face as I cried and quickly grabbed big brother in a tight hug with my face tucked against his arm.  He held me and rubbed my back as we shared a moment together.  I never got this impression before that he really cared about me.  I thought he hated me and wished he had a different brother -- one who was more normal who liked the same things he did.  Perhaps, I was wrong about him.  When I turned my head to wipe the tears from my eyes and rest my cheek on his shoulder, I could see Peri on the raft giving us a big smile.

Calm

	That night, I had a really bad dream and woke-up in a cold sweat.  It was a dark night in the dream and Peri and me were outside on the raft.  We had a small campfire keeping us in a dim light, surrounded by deep water and high waves pushing the raft up and down with us on it.  We struggled to stay on and keep the fire going as the waves continued trying to throw us off.  Eventually, the waves succeeded.  Peri and me were tossed over the side and we continued to hold the edge of the raft before being pulled away.

The dream gave me a terrible feeling in my chest of painful emptiness, so I got out of bed and went outside, still in my pyjamas.  It was chilly with a slight breeze and I was still covered in sweat, but I continued anyway to the raft where my gut was telling me to go.  Sure enough, Periwinkle was sitting on the raft, staring out over the lake.  The water was calm, unlike the dream, but it was really cold when I stepped in and walked out to join Peri on the raft.

After sitting next to pup, he rested his head on my shoulder and I put my arm around him -- partly for comfort, but also to keep warm in the cold morning air.  The sun slowly starts to rise over the horizon behind us, which provides a-little more warmth as Peri lays down to rest his head on my lap while still looking out over the lake.  With the side of his face now visible to me, I could see that the outside of his eye was all purple and black in a big bruise.

I lightly brush my finger over the bruise.  “P...Peri?”

Pup sighs and nuzzles his head further into my lap.  “Dad’s home.”

I could feel how upset he was and it made my stomach hurt again as I rest my hand on his side.  “I’m sorry, Peri.”

We sat there and both looked out over the lake while the sun rose behind us to gradually warm the air.  After a-while, Peri would shift around to lay his legs over my lap and wrap his arms around me with his head pressed against my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around him in return.  He would only hold me like this when he was really hurting.  We kept each-other warm for a-few hours and talked about a bunch of things but were quiet most of the time -- just enjoying each-other’s comforting closeness.

My eyes shut at some point and I drift back to sleep with Peri in my arms.  I’m not sure if he was able to get any more sleep, but he eventually wakes me up when he shifts around on my lap.  While still half-asleep, he puts his hands on my shoulders and rests his forehead against mine as I felt his warm breath against me.  He lifts his chin and catches me by surprise by pressing his lips to mine and giving me what I could only assume was a kiss.  My eyes open wide before slowly closing them as I realize how much I enjoyed feeling our lips together.  He kept his lips on mine for a blissful moment before giving my upper-lip a gentle nibble as we both blushed super hard and I giggled.

With his thumb brushing against my cheek, he looked into my eyes with a smile and said in a soft and quiet voice, “I’m going to go for a swim now, Petu.” I nod and return a smile while my empty chest filled with warm butterflies and no longer hurt as he continued before giving me another short kiss.  “I love you, Petu.  Thank-you for being such a good friend.”

Peri then crawled off the raft and into the water.  It was so quiet and calm today without a single wave that we didn’t make ourselves.  He than began to swim around the raft before heading a-bit further out into deeper water.  I look to my side to where our fetch ball was and tossed it over to more shallow water as it made a small splash when it landed.  He kept swimming deeper, so he must not have heard it.

“Peri!” I shout.  “You’re going to deep! Come back some!”

He seemed to ignore me and just continued to swim out further -- now almost entering the fog as I began to really worry.  “Peri!” I shout again only to be ignored.

I can’t handle it any-more.  I jump into the water and start to swim the best I can to try to catch him.  I’m not nearly as good a swimmer, but my heart started racing and I gave it my all as I continued to swim deeper and deeper after him.  Eventually, he disappeared into the fog and I soon followed.  I stopped a moment and looked behind me to barely see the shore and hesitated before biting my lip and pushing myself further out -- trying to follow the ripples of water that pup had left behind.

“Peri! P...Peri!” I shout again, barely able to keep afloat.

Then, I felt it.  It was like some force under the water had grabbed me and started to pull me out further from shore.  I turn around in a panic and use all my strength to fight whatever was pulling at me in hopes of swimming back to shore, but no-matter how hard I tried, I could not see through the fog and could no-longer see our raft.  My strength grew weak quickly as I was not used to swimming like this.

A hand then rested on my shoulder.  I turn around again and Peri was there with me.  I could see sadness on his face as he gracefully hovered in the water while I splashed around.  He wrapped his arms around me and kept me afloat with him as the underwater force continued to tug us further into the thick fog.

“You weren’t supposed to follow me.” He said to me.

Even with his help, I continued to struggle to keep my head above-water and could only get a single word to escape my lips.  “Peri...”

The further out we went, and the longer he held-on to keep us both above water, the weaker Peri became.  I had no strength left in me to help and Peri was completely drained as-well, but he continued to hold onto me and I then wrapped my arms around him.  If this is how it is going to end, then we will have it end together -- just like it has always been.

With nothing left in either of us, we take a deep breath before our heads went under -- hearing nothing but our final inhale over the calm lake.  Our bodies slowly sank deeper underwater as he continued to hold each-other closely.  My eyes were closed, but it became darker and colder the further down we went.  Our feet eventually hit the sandy floor of the lake, which scared me and made me push away from Peri.  My chest began to burn and I flailed around in a panic.  I tried so hard to swim up but I was just so weak that I just kept sinking back to the sand.

I could hold my breath no-longer and forced myself to inhale -- but it was only water that went in.  It was then that I realized there was no hope or reason to fight it any-more.  Peri was staring at me still looking the saddest I’ve ever seen him.  I could read his eyes -- me following him out here was the most painful thing that has ever happened to him.  I only hope that he could read mine.  He meant everything to me and I would never leave him.  This was my choice and my only regret is that I could not pull him back to shore.

Another few inhales -- feeling the water go down my throat and fill my lungs while Peri managed to keep his breath held.  I was no-longer scared or panicking.  Oddly, I felt at peace as I just stared at Peri with a smile.  My best friend was there with me as everything became darker.  The last thing I felt was Peri’s arms again wrap around my sides to hold me.  ‘Peri...’ I thought.  ’...I love you too.”

Fun Notes:

- All characters are named after flowers -- but that’s probably pretty obvious.
- Bunnies don’t actually eat root vegetables often.  Carrots, onions and garlic would not be their favourite and they’d probably avoid garlic all-together.