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The chronology is going to be scattered but I will organize them into a pool to do that, and there will be a title to give a chronology. This one for example will be 3 months after the twins were born.", "writing": "Journal Entry- 3 months after the twins…\nI don’t know why I’m writing this down. Maybe because I need to remind myself of the softness that still exists, even in exhaustion. Maybe because I saw something tonight, I wasn’t supposed to see, and it cracked something open in me. Not in a bad way, just honest.\nIt has been three months since the twins were born. I still feel like my insides were turned inside out and put back in place. The downside to that is I can’t be intimate with him… yet. It hurts too much, too sensitive, almost like my first time. But he is patient, he never pushes me. I should have known… He is a man after all, and he has needs. \nI put the twins down for some sleep, probably only for about two hours if I was to guess. But it would be two hours that were very needed. All I was trying to do was not wake the girls, I accidentally walked in on him trying to relieve that pent up need. He didn’t hear me slowly opening the door, and I froze halfway. \nHis eyes were closed, breathing slowly but heavy. He was doing his best to be quiet about it, and he succeeded. I exhaled, and felt a little guilt when I saw where his hand was… He heard that. “Bhav-, I didn’t think you’d-”\nI shook my head with some guilt, crossing the room to him. “You never asked,” I softly said to him. “Not once. You never pressure me, not even a little.” I put a hand on his cheek.\nI saw the guilt in his eyes, and it hurt a little. He was not guilty of anything; he just wanted to release some tension within him without hurting me. He knows I could not do that yet.\n“It’s not that I… I just miss being close to you. I didn’t want to bother you. I figured I could just... handle it.”\n“I know,” I said softly to him, kissing him gently on the cheek. When I put my hand over his, he gasped. “Let me help, the way I can.”\n“You don’t have to, I can…”\n“I want to.” I looked at these tired, honest eyes. “I can’t give you everything right now. My body’s still mine, I’m still me, but… this? This, I can give. And I want you to know I see you. I see what you’ve been holding back for me. I haven’t forgotten the man I love just because I’ve become someone’s mother.”\nAs I gripped him softly, his eyes closed. He made that small chuffing sound that drives me crazy. And I kissed him. It was awkward, almost like two cubs kissing for the first time. I was not completely in line with him, and he leaned in to get it right. He put one hand on a very sensitive breast, and the other on my hip. I didn’t tell him it hurt a little.\nI leaked a little, and when he fired off it went across the bed. The poor guy was very pent up it seemed. He suppressed a roar; it was rather cute. He shot twice like that, and the rest came out onto my hands.\nAnd we kissed again. This time the right way. We laid down for a little, getting that desperately needed rest. Then the baby monitor made a sound.\n“I’ll get them sweety,” I told him. “Please rest, you need it love.”\n", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "Journal Entry- 3 months after the twins…
I don’t know why I’m writing this down. Maybe because I need to remind myself of the softness that still exists, even in exhaustion. Maybe because I saw something tonight, I wasn’t supposed to see, and it cracked something open in me. Not in a bad way, just honest.
It has been three months since the twins were born. I still feel like my insides were turned inside out and put back in place. The downside to that is I can’t be intimate with him… yet. It hurts too much, too sensitive, almost like my first time. But he is patient, he never pushes me. I should have known… He is a man after all, and he has needs.
I put the twins down for some sleep, probably only for about two hours if I was to guess. But it would be two hours that were very needed. All I was trying to do was not wake the girls, I accidentally walked in on him trying to relieve that pent up need. He didn’t hear me slowly opening the door, and I froze halfway.
His eyes were closed, breathing slowly but heavy. He was doing his best to be quiet about it, and he succeeded. I exhaled, and felt a little guilt when I saw where his hand was… He heard that. “Bhav-, I didn’t think you’d-”
I shook my head with some guilt, crossing the room to him. “You never asked,” I softly said to him. “Not once. You never pressure me, not even a little.” I put a hand on his cheek.
I saw the guilt in his eyes, and it hurt a little. He was not guilty of anything; he just wanted to release some tension within him without hurting me. He knows I could not do that yet.
“It’s not that I… I just miss being close to you. I didn’t want to bother you. I figured I could just... handle it.”
“I know,” I said softly to him, kissing him gently on the cheek. When I put my hand over his, he gasped. “Let me help, the way I can.”
“You don’t have to, I can…”
“I want to.” I looked at these tired, honest eyes. “I can’t give you everything right now. My body’s still mine, I’m still me, but… this? This, I can give. And I want you to know I see you. I see what you’ve been holding back for me. I haven’t forgotten the man I love just because I’ve become someone’s mother.”
As I gripped him softly, his eyes closed. He made that small chuffing sound that drives me crazy. And I kissed him. It was awkward, almost like two cubs kissing for the first time. I was not completely in line with him, and he leaned in to get it right. He put one hand on a very sensitive breast, and the other on my hip. I didn’t tell him it hurt a little.
I leaked a little, and when he fired off it went across the bed. The poor guy was very pent up it seemed. He suppressed a roar; it was rather cute. He shot twice like that, and the rest came out onto my hands.
And we kissed again. This time the right way. We laid down for a little, getting that desperately needed rest. Then the baby monitor made a sound.
“I’ll get them sweety,” I told him. “Please rest, you need it love.”
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