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He wasn't fully convinced that Raph was in any shape to be left on his own, too worried about his mental state to trust he would seek their help if needed. It was his caretaker side.\n\nBut in the face of Leo's confidence, he agreed to give it a day or two and see how Raph would do. \n\nFor most of the day, nothing happened. \n\nIt was both calming and awkward. \n\nRaphael's door stayed open, but he didn't come out. Neither did his brothers dare to invade his space. It left them to go about random daily chores and activities, but they were tip-toeing around the lair, avoiding loud noises, avoiding getting too close to Raphael's door, avoiding thinking too much about it. \n\nIn a way, despite the encouraging view of that still-open door, it put them all on edge pretty badly, as if expecting something to explode the instant that door moved. \n\nWhen it finally did, late into the afternoon, nothing exploded. Quite on the contrary, even. \n\nWith the tiny little squeak of Raphael's door, all motion in the lair ceased and three pairs of eyes instantly focused on the slowly emerging figure. Raph paused in the doorway, one hand still on the handle of the door, the other cradling the tiny, tiny infant. \n\nMikey was the one to break the sudden silence, with an adoring little “Aww” sound. He was kneeling on the couch, arms crossed on the back rest and bouncing slightly when Raph's eyes met his. \n\n“Good to see you out, bro!” He was shifting slightly and they all knew he was working hard to remember to stay put, instead of rushing over and fawning over his brother and especially the little baby. “Gosh, the baby is soooo small!” he cooed, excited, and Raphael tensed for a moment, moving his arm away from the door and around the infant, shielding him instinctively. \n\nMikey's grin dropped. \n\nA moment later, however, Raphael relaxed again and managed a small smile. “Yeah, he is, isn't he?” Eagerly nodding, Michelangelo draped himself over the back of the couch, softly thrumming his fingers against it to contain his excitement. \n\n“Are you hungry, Raph? You skipped lunch and Leo told me not to bother you but I bet you're actually really hungry right now, right? I can make you pancakes! Or soup! Or did you want to do something else? Did you want to watch some TV, because I can-”\n\n“Mikey, easy!” Leo called, caught between amusement and worry. “How about you let him get a word in himself, hm?” That earned him a pouty glare from Mikey, and a low chuckle from Raph, the sound sweeter than anything he'd heard in a long time. “Raph...”\n\nSmiling, yet still not moving from his spot in the door frame, Raphael shook his head. “It's okay. Kinda... kinda missed that chatterbox of his.” \n\nDonatello, who had watched the exchange from his spot near the kitchen, smiled as well, relieved beyond words at the delicate, but promising easiness between them. He cleared his throat to get Raphael's attention. “Hey... how are you feeling? Do you want me to get you anything?” \n\nAnother smile, and a shake of head. “I'm fine. Really sore, but nothing too bad. But...” And Raph shifted a little, hesitating. “I, mh, maybe you could help me make another meal for...” he nodded towards the infant in his arms, brushing his large palm over the petite carapace when the baby started to squirm and give a small unhappy squeal. \n\nLeonardo smiled at the gleam that appeared in chocolate-colored eyes at the request, and Donatello gave a quick nod. “Of course! Are you okay to come here? I can show you how to do it. You can sit down at the table, if you want.” \n\n“I guess...” Raph took a step back, reaching down to pick the used cup and pipette up from the floor in his room, then walked over in tentative, heavy steps. He was still in pain. \n\nLeo watched him for a moment, dark blue eyes moving from the quietly fussing baby to the plastic pipette in Raph's hand and back to the baby, before he slowly walked over to their youngest brother, smiling conspiratorially at him. “Mikey, the both of us, we have a job to do tonight.” \n\nBright eyes blinked in confusion up at him, gauging, before Mikey started grinning. “I have no idea what you're up to, but count me in.” \n\nRaph frowned a little in suspicion at his whispering brothers on the couch, but soon turned his attention back to Donatello, watching as he pulled out the formula container and turned on the stove to cook some water. \n\n“It's really not that complicated, but it's important to get the proper dosage.” Donnie explained lightly, turning around to lean against the counter and look at his brother, who still stood a few steps away, warring with his insecurity. \n\nThe younger smiled gently, guessing this was as close as Raphael's comfort zone permitted right now. “Should I-” \n\n“No need.” There was a frustrated note in his voice, clearly not satisfied with himself and the way he couldn't trust his own family. “Just...” He frowned, stiffly pulling out a chair to sit himself down at the table. “I'm sorry I'm so... stupid right now.”\n\n“It's not stupid, Raph. We understand. And I promise you...” Brown eyes met green and Donnie smiled, sincere. “It will get better. Look, you're out here, with us. And just because you can't stand us getting too close right now, does not mean that it will still be that way in a few days. This will take time, of course, but it will get better.” \n\nRaphael nodded slowly, letting the words sink in. “We'll see...”\n\n“Step by step, Raph. Right now, I'll help you make some food for the little one. And maybe some tea for you?” The expression on Raphael's face at the mention of tea teased a small laugh out of the younger. “Okay, okay, no tea for you. Hot chocolate, then?” \n\n“Sounds more like it.” They shared a small grin and soon enough, Donnie carefully placed a steaming cup on the table for Raph to take, remembering to keep some distance between them, even when his older brother seemed more relaxed now. \n\n“How's the little one doing? He looks well...” Donnie ignored the short glare sent his way, it passed quickly enough to tell him Raphael didn't mean to antagonize him. Instead, he was fascinated by the expression that took over green eyes when Raph looked down, gently shifting the small body in his arms. \n\n“He sleeps a lot. And he's very quiet. But he eats well and he's attentive when he's awake.” A warm smile stretched Raphael's lips. “He doesn't like lying on his back and he puts up a lot of fuss when I don't let him fall asleep in my arms.” \n\n“He sounds a little like you.” Donnie smiled affectionately. “Don't worry too much that he's quiet. He's still very small and he's been through much. As long as he seems lively and eats well, I would say he's okay.” Almost absentmindedly, he pulled the cooking water from the stove to cool down. “When you're ready for it, you can bring him to the lab and I can have a look. I won't lie, it's better sooner than later, but I understand you are not comfortable with anyone near him. Maybe we can work around it a bit, but... we have time for that.”\n\n“Donnie...” There was a suspicious, wet shimmer in green eyes and a tell-tale hitch in Raphael's voice and Donatello shook his head.\n\n“Raph, no. Don't. It's fine. Come, the water's cooled down a bit, we can mix in the powder and then I think the baby wants his snack.” A quick nod and Donatello was relieved to see Raph calm himself quickly. \n\nPreparing the formula was easy enough and Donnie made sure it had the right temperature before filling it back into a clean cup. “Here you go.” \n\n“Thanks, Donnie. But I think I'll go back to my room to feed him. It's not that I don't... don't get me wrong, I just... want to be alone with him for that.” The younger brother simply smiled. \n\n“Don't worry, I get it. Will you be back later?” \n\n“Probably. How is... master Splinter?” With a small grunt, Raphael pulled himself to his feet again, picking up the cup. \n\n“Do you want to go see him?”\n\n“...Yeah.” At the small, too young, sound of his brother's voice, Donatello felt his heart go out to him. \n\n“I will check on him, then, see if he's up to see you. He will want to see you.” The younger smiled, watching as Raphael nodded and then walked back to his room, leaving the door ajar as he entered. \n\nSeveral minutes later, Leonardo appeared, Mikey was nowhere to be seen. There was a smug little smile on his face, which caused Donnie to lift one brow. “What did you do?”\n\n“Nothing.” Leo shrugged. “Just made plans for tonight. How's Raph?” \n\nUpdating his brother was easy enough, Leo offering to go check on their master himself, bringing him tea and some early dinner as well. \n\nRaphael left his room about two hours after that, the baby squirming slightly on his arm, wrapped warmly in a piece of cloth that looked to be one of Raph's pillowcases. Donnie found himself frowning at that. They had no facilities or supplies fit to accommodate an infant. \n\nRaph was making do with what he found and, Donatello figured, it was working for the moment. \n\nBut there was no way it would be enough for... later. It was a strange concept. One even he, intelligent and smart as he was, could not quite grasp. He knew what options there were, which courses they could take, he could understand, in the simple way of simply wording it, what lay ahead for their family in each case. \n\nThere was a vast difference between knowing and understanding, however, \n\nKnowing that his brother had already decided to keep the baby was one thing. Understanding what that would mean for all of their lives was something entirely different. \n\nDonnie shook his head, at least understanding as much that there was a better time for musings like this. Right now, it was more important to simply be there for his brother, support him and help him heal the damage that hat been done to him.\n\nChocolate-colored eyes were inevitably drawn to the squirming little bundle in Raphael's arms, impossibly tiny hands grabbing onto one large finger and Donatello felt an unexpected little rush of affection wash over him. \n\nIt was a precious thing, this little being, and that alone was enough to wake every protective instinct Donatello had to offer. \n\nFinally, Raphael was able to tear his eyes away from the baby to look at his brother across the room. \n\nDonnie smiled. “Hey... did he enjoy his meal?” After a short nod from his brother, he added. “Leo was with master Splinter before, he really wants to see you, when you're ready for it.” That did get him Raphael's full attention. \n\n“How is he?” \n\n“Getting better. He's still sick, but in a few more days, he'll be up and about.” Donatello gestured towards the baby. “As far as I can tell, Sensei shouldn't be contagious anymore, so you and the little one will be okay.” \n\nNodding again, Raphael managed a little smile. “That's good. I... I want to see him.” \n\n“Then I'll go tell him. There's some hot water left, if you'd like some tea.” He indicated the stove, before turning and making his way to the dojo where their master was resting. \n\nRaphael didn't make tea. \n\nInstead, he stood where he was, waiting impatiently for his brother to return and finally be allowed to see his father. All the fidgeting he did caught on to the infant in his arms and the baby gave a displeased little wail. With utmost care, Raphael lifted him higher, against his shoulder, to bounce him softly, murmuring quiet nothings to soothe him.\n\nAfter not even five minutes, Donnie was back and gave an encouraging smile. “He's awake and he really wants to see you.” \n\nThe younger didn't really need an answer and simply watched as Raph walked over to the dojo, almost able to sense the excitement and uneasiness rolling off his brother. \n\nRaphael paused before the large sliding doors, swallowing down his rising nervousness. There was nothing to fear, really. On the contrary, even. He had missed his father, he wanted to see him, and badly. \n\nBut one look down at his cooing baby had his fears rising all over again. How would he react? How could he even start to explain this entire mess to Splinter? Of course, Leo had possibly done a good share of talking and explaining, but... this was different, wasn't it? Facing him directly, confronting him with these news, these... consequences of his absence. \n\nHe took a slow, even breath, then pushed open the doors. \n\nThe thick scent of incense hit him, the essential oils likely meant to help their master get rid of the coughs. \n\nSplinter was sitting on his futon, looking up with elated, but obviously tired eyes. “Raphael. I am so glad to see you, my son.” His voice was low and rough, altered by his illness, but the warmth in it was the same as it had ever been.\n\nRaphael paused in the doorway, feeling his throat tighten with emotion and fear. “Father...” He whispered, fighting to even look at his father. Much to his shame, he was unable to keep eye-contact with him, dropping his gaze to the floor by his feet, biting his lips. \n\n“I-... I'm so sorry...” Raphael whispered, blinking away the burn of his eyes. \n\n“Raphael, come sit with me.” Was the calm reply, and Raphael found himself moving before he even noticed it. Slowly, he stepped further into the room, closing the doors behind him with one hand. He made it about halfway to where Splinter's futon lay, before he stopped again, kneeling on the floor. \n\nHis father did not question the distance he kept and Raph knew this was one of the things Leo had told him. \n\n“My son, what are you apologizing for?” The words were calm, neither judging nor belittling. Merely asking. \n\n“For always making a mess. For making everything complicated. For making all of you worry.” Raphael was nearly choking while he spoke, hitched breaths between harsh, whispered words. “For...” And he held on tighter to the warm bundle in his arms, holding it safe, close to his heart. “For not letting go and sparing all of you this trouble.”\n\n“Do you think that letting go would have made things easier?” Still, Splinter's voice was calm, even though Raphael realized that he could see right through him. \n\nHe still wanted to lie, but his father always had had this way of speaking, his presence alone, that demanded the truth and Raphael shook his head. “For my family, yes. Not for me.” \n\nA soft hum followed, sounding almost... pleased, and Raphael dared to lift his gaze back to his father, finding him smiling lightly. “Then you did the right thing.” \n\nGreen eyes blinked at Splinter in confusion. “But, father...” \n\nSplinter shook his head and his smile widened by a fraction. “I am very proud of you, Raphael. My strong son. You endured so much while you were gone. Yet, even after all you've suffered through, and despite the pain it must cause you, you couldn't bring it over you to abandon an innocent.\n\n“It takes so much more courage and strength to love than to leave behind.” Splinter concluded, \n\nRaphael lowered his head again, closing his eyes against the wet sting in them. “Father...”\n\nSplinter continued after a small cough to clear his hoarse voice. “Right now, I know you can not share the burden that you chose to carry, for the sake of this child, but I want you to remember that you are not alone. Your family is right here with you. Remember this when you are ready to.” Dark eyes shone with understanding and, suddenly, unexpectedly, Raphael felt a massive weight lift off his weary shoulders, making him feel oddly at peace. \n\nOf course his father understood. \n\n“Years and years ago, I made a similar choice as you did. Faced with four helpless infants, there was the choice of taking the risk and the burden of raising you, or leave you behind to be forgotten.” He smiled. “A heavy burden, I have to say, but one that I carried without a single regret.”\n\nHe understood. \n\nRaphael felt overwhelmed with the words and the emotions taking over him, leaving him feeling relieved and exhausted.\n\n“Father, I...” His voice shook, badly, and he fumbled for words a moment.\n\nSplinter lifted a hand to silence him. “It is enough, Raphael. You are exhausted, as am I.” He smiled warmly. “Rest. We will continue our talk when you have recovered. Though, before you go...” Dark eyes held a careful but intrigued little sparkle and Raphael knew exactly what his father was about to ask.\n\n“Oh, yeah. Wait...” Carefully, he rearranged the bundle in his arms, pulling the cloth away from the baby so Splinter could have a better look. Still, he didn't budge from his spot, uncomfortable with getting closer to anyone, even his father. \n\nAnd Splinter did not ask and did not comment on that, simply running affectionate eyes over the infant, nodding slowly. “I can see how it was impossible to leave someone so precious behind.” he smiled. Then, the same, warm gaze was directed at Raphael himself. \n\n“Never hesitate to ask for our support, your brothers' or mine. We're all here for you.” \n\nRaphael couldn't find his voice, but gave a quick nod, re-wrapping his baby with the warm cloth before gingerly rising to his feet. The healing cuts on his stomach stung, but he managed not to show it too much. \n\n“Get well soon, Sensei.” Raphael said, bowing slightly. \n\n“You too, my son.” \n\nThe large sliding doors were opened and closed and the moment Raphael stepped out, he was met by three curious and worried stares, which were promptly ignored. Instead, he made his way over to the bathroom. “We're... gonna take a bath. Don't worry.” \n\n", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "It took little persuasion to get the younger two brothers to agree to let Raphael do the next steps, Donatello a little more reluctant about it. He wasn't fully convinced that Raph was in any shape to be left on his own, too worried about his mental state to trust he would seek their help if needed. It was his caretaker side.

But in the face of Leo's confidence, he agreed to give it a day or two and see how Raph would do.

For most of the day, nothing happened.

It was both calming and awkward.

Raphael's door stayed open, but he didn't come out. Neither did his brothers dare to invade his space. It left them to go about random daily chores and activities, but they were tip-toeing around the lair, avoiding loud noises, avoiding getting too close to Raphael's door, avoiding thinking too much about it.

In a way, despite the encouraging view of that still-open door, it put them all on edge pretty badly, as if expecting something to explode the instant that door moved.

When it finally did, late into the afternoon, nothing exploded. Quite on the contrary, even.

With the tiny little squeak of Raphael's door, all motion in the lair ceased and three pairs of eyes instantly focused on the slowly emerging figure. Raph paused in the doorway, one hand still on the handle of the door, the other cradling the tiny, tiny infant.

Mikey was the one to break the sudden silence, with an adoring little “Aww” sound. He was kneeling on the couch, arms crossed on the back rest and bouncing slightly when Raph's eyes met his.

“Good to see you out, bro!” He was shifting slightly and they all knew he was working hard to remember to stay put, instead of rushing over and fawning over his brother and especially the little baby. “Gosh, the baby is soooo small!” he cooed, excited, and Raphael tensed for a moment, moving his arm away from the door and around the infant, shielding him instinctively.

Mikey's grin dropped.

A moment later, however, Raphael relaxed again and managed a small smile. “Yeah, he is, isn't he?” Eagerly nodding, Michelangelo draped himself over the back of the couch, softly thrumming his fingers against it to contain his excitement.

“Are you hungry, Raph? You skipped lunch and Leo told me not to bother you but I bet you're actually really hungry right now, right? I can make you pancakes! Or soup! Or did you want to do something else? Did you want to watch some TV, because I can-”

“Mikey, easy!” Leo called, caught between amusement and worry. “How about you let him get a word in himself, hm?” That earned him a pouty glare from Mikey, and a low chuckle from Raph, the sound sweeter than anything he'd heard in a long time. “Raph...”

Smiling, yet still not moving from his spot in the door frame, Raphael shook his head. “It's okay. Kinda... kinda missed that chatterbox of his.”

Donatello, who had watched the exchange from his spot near the kitchen, smiled as well, relieved beyond words at the delicate, but promising easiness between them. He cleared his throat to get Raphael's attention. “Hey... how are you feeling? Do you want me to get you anything?”

Another smile, and a shake of head. “I'm fine. Really sore, but nothing too bad. But...” And Raph shifted a little, hesitating. “I, mh, maybe you could help me make another meal for...” he nodded towards the infant in his arms, brushing his large palm over the petite carapace when the baby started to squirm and give a small unhappy squeal.

Leonardo smiled at the gleam that appeared in chocolate-colored eyes at the request, and Donatello gave a quick nod. “Of course! Are you okay to come here? I can show you how to do it. You can sit down at the table, if you want.”

“I guess...” Raph took a step back, reaching down to pick the used cup and pipette up from the floor in his room, then walked over in tentative, heavy steps. He was still in pain.

Leo watched him for a moment, dark blue eyes moving from the quietly fussing baby to the plastic pipette in Raph's hand and back to the baby, before he slowly walked over to their youngest brother, smiling conspiratorially at him. “Mikey, the both of us, we have a job to do tonight.”

Bright eyes blinked in confusion up at him, gauging, before Mikey started grinning. “I have no idea what you're up to, but count me in.”

Raph frowned a little in suspicion at his whispering brothers on the couch, but soon turned his attention back to Donatello, watching as he pulled out the formula container and turned on the stove to cook some water.

“It's really not that complicated, but it's important to get the proper dosage.” Donnie explained lightly, turning around to lean against the counter and look at his brother, who still stood a few steps away, warring with his insecurity.

The younger smiled gently, guessing this was as close as Raphael's comfort zone permitted right now. “Should I-”

“No need.” There was a frustrated note in his voice, clearly not satisfied with himself and the way he couldn't trust his own family. “Just...” He frowned, stiffly pulling out a chair to sit himself down at the table. “I'm sorry I'm so... stupid right now.”

“It's not stupid, Raph. We understand. And I promise you...” Brown eyes met green and Donnie smiled, sincere. “It will get better. Look, you're out here, with us. And just because you can't stand us getting too close right now, does not mean that it will still be that way in a few days. This will take time, of course, but it will get better.”

Raphael nodded slowly, letting the words sink in. “We'll see...”

“Step by step, Raph. Right now, I'll help you make some food for the little one. And maybe some tea for you?” The expression on Raphael's face at the mention of tea teased a small laugh out of the younger. “Okay, okay, no tea for you. Hot chocolate, then?”

“Sounds more like it.” They shared a small grin and soon enough, Donnie carefully placed a steaming cup on the table for Raph to take, remembering to keep some distance between them, even when his older brother seemed more relaxed now.

“How's the little one doing? He looks well...” Donnie ignored the short glare sent his way, it passed quickly enough to tell him Raphael didn't mean to antagonize him. Instead, he was fascinated by the expression that took over green eyes when Raph looked down, gently shifting the small body in his arms.

“He sleeps a lot. And he's very quiet. But he eats well and he's attentive when he's awake.” A warm smile stretched Raphael's lips. “He doesn't like lying on his back and he puts up a lot of fuss when I don't let him fall asleep in my arms.”

“He sounds a little like you.” Donnie smiled affectionately. “Don't worry too much that he's quiet. He's still very small and he's been through much. As long as he seems lively and eats well, I would say he's okay.” Almost absentmindedly, he pulled the cooking water from the stove to cool down. “When you're ready for it, you can bring him to the lab and I can have a look. I won't lie, it's better sooner than later, but I understand you are not comfortable with anyone near him. Maybe we can work around it a bit, but... we have time for that.”

“Donnie...” There was a suspicious, wet shimmer in green eyes and a tell-tale hitch in Raphael's voice and Donatello shook his head.

“Raph, no. Don't. It's fine. Come, the water's cooled down a bit, we can mix in the powder and then I think the baby wants his snack.” A quick nod and Donatello was relieved to see Raph calm himself quickly.

Preparing the formula was easy enough and Donnie made sure it had the right temperature before filling it back into a clean cup. “Here you go.”

“Thanks, Donnie. But I think I'll go back to my room to feed him. It's not that I don't... don't get me wrong, I just... want to be alone with him for that.” The younger brother simply smiled.

“Don't worry, I get it. Will you be back later?”

“Probably. How is... master Splinter?” With a small grunt, Raphael pulled himself to his feet again, picking up the cup.

“Do you want to go see him?”

“...Yeah.” At the small, too young, sound of his brother's voice, Donatello felt his heart go out to him.

“I will check on him, then, see if he's up to see you. He will want to see you.” The younger smiled, watching as Raphael nodded and then walked back to his room, leaving the door ajar as he entered.

Several minutes later, Leonardo appeared, Mikey was nowhere to be seen. There was a smug little smile on his face, which caused Donnie to lift one brow. “What did you do?”

“Nothing.” Leo shrugged. “Just made plans for tonight. How's Raph?”

Updating his brother was easy enough, Leo offering to go check on their master himself, bringing him tea and some early dinner as well.

Raphael left his room about two hours after that, the baby squirming slightly on his arm, wrapped warmly in a piece of cloth that looked to be one of Raph's pillowcases. Donnie found himself frowning at that. They had no facilities or supplies fit to accommodate an infant.

Raph was making do with what he found and, Donatello figured, it was working for the moment.

But there was no way it would be enough for... later. It was a strange concept. One even he, intelligent and smart as he was, could not quite grasp. He knew what options there were, which courses they could take, he could understand, in the simple way of simply wording it, what lay ahead for their family in each case.

There was a vast difference between knowing and understanding, however,

Knowing that his brother had already decided to keep the baby was one thing. Understanding what that would mean for all of their lives was something entirely different.

Donnie shook his head, at least understanding as much that there was a better time for musings like this. Right now, it was more important to simply be there for his brother, support him and help him heal the damage that hat been done to him.

Chocolate-colored eyes were inevitably drawn to the squirming little bundle in Raphael's arms, impossibly tiny hands grabbing onto one large finger and Donatello felt an unexpected little rush of affection wash over him.

It was a precious thing, this little being, and that alone was enough to wake every protective instinct Donatello had to offer.

Finally, Raphael was able to tear his eyes away from the baby to look at his brother across the room.

Donnie smiled. “Hey... did he enjoy his meal?” After a short nod from his brother, he added. “Leo was with master Splinter before, he really wants to see you, when you're ready for it.” That did get him Raphael's full attention.

“How is he?”

“Getting better. He's still sick, but in a few more days, he'll be up and about.” Donatello gestured towards the baby. “As far as I can tell, Sensei shouldn't be contagious anymore, so you and the little one will be okay.”

Nodding again, Raphael managed a little smile. “That's good. I... I want to see him.”

“Then I'll go tell him. There's some hot water left, if you'd like some tea.” He indicated the stove, before turning and making his way to the dojo where their master was resting.

Raphael didn't make tea.

Instead, he stood where he was, waiting impatiently for his brother to return and finally be allowed to see his father. All the fidgeting he did caught on to the infant in his arms and the baby gave a displeased little wail. With utmost care, Raphael lifted him higher, against his shoulder, to bounce him softly, murmuring quiet nothings to soothe him.

After not even five minutes, Donnie was back and gave an encouraging smile. “He's awake and he really wants to see you.”

The younger didn't really need an answer and simply watched as Raph walked over to the dojo, almost able to sense the excitement and uneasiness rolling off his brother.

Raphael paused before the large sliding doors, swallowing down his rising nervousness. There was nothing to fear, really. On the contrary, even. He had missed his father, he wanted to see him, and badly.

But one look down at his cooing baby had his fears rising all over again. How would he react? How could he even start to explain this entire mess to Splinter? Of course, Leo had possibly done a good share of talking and explaining, but... this was different, wasn't it? Facing him directly, confronting him with these news, these... consequences of his absence.

He took a slow, even breath, then pushed open the doors.

The thick scent of incense hit him, the essential oils likely meant to help their master get rid of the coughs.

Splinter was sitting on his futon, looking up with elated, but obviously tired eyes. “Raphael. I am so glad to see you, my son.” His voice was low and rough, altered by his illness, but the warmth in it was the same as it had ever been.

Raphael paused in the doorway, feeling his throat tighten with emotion and fear. “Father...” He whispered, fighting to even look at his father. Much to his shame, he was unable to keep eye-contact with him, dropping his gaze to the floor by his feet, biting his lips.

“I-... I'm so sorry...” Raphael whispered, blinking away the burn of his eyes.

“Raphael, come sit with me.” Was the calm reply, and Raphael found himself moving before he even noticed it. Slowly, he stepped further into the room, closing the doors behind him with one hand. He made it about halfway to where Splinter's futon lay, before he stopped again, kneeling on the floor.

His father did not question the distance he kept and Raph knew this was one of the things Leo had told him.

“My son, what are you apologizing for?” The words were calm, neither judging nor belittling. Merely asking.

“For always making a mess. For making everything complicated. For making all of you worry.” Raphael was nearly choking while he spoke, hitched breaths between harsh, whispered words. “For...” And he held on tighter to the warm bundle in his arms, holding it safe, close to his heart. “For not letting go and sparing all of you this trouble.”

“Do you think that letting go would have made things easier?” Still, Splinter's voice was calm, even though Raphael realized that he could see right through him.

He still wanted to lie, but his father always had had this way of speaking, his presence alone, that demanded the truth and Raphael shook his head. “For my family, yes. Not for me.”

A soft hum followed, sounding almost... pleased, and Raphael dared to lift his gaze back to his father, finding him smiling lightly. “Then you did the right thing.”

Green eyes blinked at Splinter in confusion. “But, father...”

Splinter shook his head and his smile widened by a fraction. “I am very proud of you, Raphael. My strong son. You endured so much while you were gone. Yet, even after all you've suffered through, and despite the pain it must cause you, you couldn't bring it over you to abandon an innocent.

“It takes so much more courage and strength to love than to leave behind.” Splinter concluded,

Raphael lowered his head again, closing his eyes against the wet sting in them. “Father...”

Splinter continued after a small cough to clear his hoarse voice. “Right now, I know you can not share the burden that you chose to carry, for the sake of this child, but I want you to remember that you are not alone. Your family is right here with you. Remember this when you are ready to.” Dark eyes shone with understanding and, suddenly, unexpectedly, Raphael felt a massive weight lift off his weary shoulders, making him feel oddly at peace.

Of course his father understood.

“Years and years ago, I made a similar choice as you did. Faced with four helpless infants, there was the choice of taking the risk and the burden of raising you, or leave you behind to be forgotten.” He smiled. “A heavy burden, I have to say, but one that I carried without a single regret.”

He understood.

Raphael felt overwhelmed with the words and the emotions taking over him, leaving him feeling relieved and exhausted.

“Father, I...” His voice shook, badly, and he fumbled for words a moment.

Splinter lifted a hand to silence him. “It is enough, Raphael. You are exhausted, as am I.” He smiled warmly. “Rest. We will continue our talk when you have recovered. Though, before you go...” Dark eyes held a careful but intrigued little sparkle and Raphael knew exactly what his father was about to ask.

“Oh, yeah. Wait...” Carefully, he rearranged the bundle in his arms, pulling the cloth away from the baby so Splinter could have a better look. Still, he didn't budge from his spot, uncomfortable with getting closer to anyone, even his father.

And Splinter did not ask and did not comment on that, simply running affectionate eyes over the infant, nodding slowly. “I can see how it was impossible to leave someone so precious behind.” he smiled. Then, the same, warm gaze was directed at Raphael himself.

“Never hesitate to ask for our support, your brothers' or mine. We're all here for you.”

Raphael couldn't find his voice, but gave a quick nod, re-wrapping his baby with the warm cloth before gingerly rising to his feet. The healing cuts on his stomach stung, but he managed not to show it too much.

“Get well soon, Sensei.” Raphael said, bowing slightly.

“You too, my son.”

The large sliding doors were opened and closed and the moment Raphael stepped out, he was met by three curious and worried stares, which were promptly ignored. Instead, he made his way over to the bathroom. “We're... gonna take a bath. Don't worry.”

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