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Not when he needed to watch over the sleeping infant. Make sure the little being was still breathing, still sleeping peacefully. \n\nStill sitting by the closed door, he cradled the baby safely in his arms, soothing it back to sleep whenever the little one started fussing. \n\nDistantly, he could hear the quiet sounds of the lair waking up and leaned his head back against the wall. Despite the cleansing talk he'd had with Donatello, he didn't feel ready to go out to meet them. \n\nIn the kitchen, Leonardo was the first to arrive, yawning and putting some coffee on. Tired, blue eyes turned to stare at Raphael's door, as if willing it to open. \n\nIt didn't happen. \n\nWith a sigh, he turned his attention back to the brewing coffee. It wasn't his favorite drink, but It would help wake him up, put some energy into him that he suspected he would need for the day. \n\nThe strong scent of fresh coffee hit him and he breathed in deeply, trying to let the developing tension drain out of him with a slow exhale. Another deep breath. And another. \n\nThe sound of creaking metal, followed by footsteps announced his intelligent brother's arrival and Leonardo had to smile at the disheveled look and half-asleep way he moved. \n\n“...Coffee?” he slurred.\n\nThat tore an actual little chuckle out of the oldest and he poured Donnie a cup, handing it to him. “Here you go.”\n\nDonnie mumbled a thanks, the sound of it half-lost in the cup as he took a deep gulp of coffee, even while he shuffled over to the table to sit down. \n\nWatching his little brother like that, normalcy written all over the scene before him, Leo felt his worry ease a little. Donnie was not a morning person at all. And without coffee he basically was in zombie-mode till afternoon. \n\nConversation with him also usually needed to wait until after his first or second cup of coffee. Especially after a night like that. Moving over with his own cup, Leonardo sat down next to his brother to take a slow sip of the dark liquid. \n\nThey sat in comfortable silence for a while, just nipping at their coffee, before Donatello managed to string a proper sentence together. He cleared his throat awkwardly. \n\n“I talked to Raph last night.”\n\nThat had Leo's attention alright, blue eyes snapping away from his cup to stare at his younger brother. “How's- Did he-...”\n\n“I brought him some formula after you went to bed, and we just talked a little.” Donnie gave a soft smile. “He asked me to tell you he's sorry for what happened last night.” The expression on Leo's face spoke more than words could and Donnie shook his head. “He's really delicate right now. I doubt he'll come out of his room today, and I wouldn't recommend bothering him about it.”\n\n“Do you think he... I mean, what about...” \n\nDonatello reached over to put a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder. “We'll see, Leo. For now, let's just give him some space. I think Mikey will want to try and make him another meal and I think this time, he'll accept it. Maybe later, you can go to Raph and see if he's ready to talk some more.” \n\nNodding, the oldest brother sighed. “I think I owe him an apology, too. I just-... I didn't know...” \n\n“None of us did. But now we do and now we will deal with it accordingly. For now, we'll go slow and wait for Raph to come around enough to let us help him. It will get better.” No 'It will be okay', because they both knew better than to think this was as easy to fix as their usual cuts and bruises. There was no telling how deep Raphael's mental and emotional wounds ran and while there was hope he /would/ heal, all of them would be picking up shards for a very, very long time. \n\nA loud yawn disrupted their thoughts, as Mikey rounded the corner to the kitchen, stretching and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Mornin' guys...” \n\n“Morning, Mikey.”\n\nThe youngest gave a sluggish smile, moving over to the fridge to pull out something to make breakfast with. “I bet Raph's half-starved by now. Should've eaten the dinner I made him.” He nodded to himself, reaching for a knife and cutting board. \n\nLeo exchanged a look with Donnie, questioning, but his brother just shrugged, so he turned back to the youngest.\n\n“Mikey, are you alright?”\n\nMikey paused in mid-chop, his back still to his siblings, but gave a quick nod. “Yeah... like... I know this isn't alright at all? But crying won't help. And pretending that everything will be peachy, just because Raph's back, won't help either. At least... I can try making it better somehow... Even if it's just with a meal.” \n\nLeo rose and went to stand next to him, one arm around his baby brother. “Mikey...”\n\nMichelangelo smiled. “Don't worry about me, Leo. I'll deal. And I'll help if I can, okay? Just.. let me help when I can, please. Like... I can make Raph breakfast if it helps. Maybe he'll eat. He'll need to eat well to get better.” \n\nGently, Leo leaned down to brush a kiss to Mikey's temple. “He'll eat, I'm sure. He's had time to rest and settle down. I'm sure he'll love eating some proper food.” He smiled, giving his shoulder a reassuring little squeeze. \n\nSoon enough, there was the delicious smell of scrambled eggs, bacon and fried vegetables, wafting through the lair, and Mikey placed two large, steaming plates in front of his brothers. A third was still in his hands and Donnie looked up at him. \n\n“Take it slow with him, alright?”\n\n“Yeah, I know. I'll be good.” He grinned, his good mood indestructible as ever, bouncing off to Raphael's room to knock gently. \n\nThis time, when he returned to the kitchen, there was a proud smile on his face and no plate in his hands. “Didn't want to open the door, but I left it by the door. He sounded a lot better, too.”\n\nHonestly relieved, Donnie “That's good. I think I'll prepare some more formula for him after breakfast, maybe...” and brown eyes met dark blue. “Maybe you could take it to Raph and try talking to him, Leo? I think he might want to talk to you, too. After last night.”\n\nThe oldest brother nodded slowly. “Maybe, yes. But I need some breakfast first.” \n\nMikey joined them at the table and for a little while, they enjoyed the shred of normalcy. After all, the worst of their fears, for now, were alleviated. Even if they didn't speak much, breakfast was comfortable and after a second helping of Mikey's delicious cooking, Leo felt calm enough to go look after Raphael himself. \n\nWith a fresh cup of formula, he made his way over to his little brother's door, knocking softly. “Hey, it's me. Donnie made some more formula for you, so...” Leo gave a silent, frustrated sigh, trying to swallow his rising nervousness. \n\nThankfully, Raphael's muffled voice saved him from getting too worked up over his own uneasiness. “Thanks... can you just leave it by the door?” By the sound of it, Raph was somewhere right behind the door, probably sitting, since his voice came from below. \n\nLeo lowered himself to a crouch, holding on to the warm cup. “Actually, I was hoping we could talk a bit. About what happened.”\n\nA pause, and Leo slowly placed the cup next to the door. “I'm not going to make you, I just... wanted to talk a little.” \n\n“Alright, just... don't come in.” A small noise of shifting behind the door, and it cracked open a bit. \n\n“Into your room? I'm not that stupid.” He chuckled lightly, sitting down properly. \n\nRaphael gave a similar sound of amusement and reached out to take the cup of formula. “I wouldn't count on that.” \n\nThe familiar, almost playful mock in his sibling's voice teased another small laugh out of Leo and he leaned comfortably against the wall. “You never do. You never give me enough credit, actually.” He grinned, but sobered soon enough. “Hey, Raph?”\n\n“Mh...?”\n\nLeonardo swallowed against the sudden dry feeling in his mouth, throat tightening with emotions. “I'm really sorry about last night. I know I shouldn't have yelled at you and most of all I shouldn't have questioned your reasons. I'm sorry, Raph. I should have trusted you more than that.” \n\nSilence stretched between them after Leonardo's words, and he felt his insides clench in fear of his brother's anger or worse, that the door would close again. \n\nBut neither happened. Instead, he heard a shaky, choked breath. “...Leo...” Raphael's hand appeared from behind the door, pale and quaking and Leonardo reached out before he even had to think about it. \n\nTheir fingers laced together and Leo felt the desperate strength with which his sibling held on to him, squeezing back just as firmly. Raphael needed something to ground him, even when he still had to hide behind his door.\n\n“I'm sorry, too! Leo... I'm sorry, too. I don't want to make so much trouble... and I didn't mean to hit you. And-”\n\n“Raph! Raph, stop. It's alright. I know.” Futile as it was, Leo tried to keep his own hand steady against the harsh shaking of his sibling's. “I know, Raph. Calm down, I know...” His voice was gentle, consoling instead of commanding. \n\nIt took a moment, but Raphael's trembling lessened back to a soft tremor, and only then did Leo continue. “I was tired and lost control. I promise-... no, I swear that won't happen again. Last night was hard on us, but that's over now. You're back home and we'll help you deal with what happened and with the little one.”\n\nThe hand in his own shifted a little, then renewed its hold on his own. “I shouldn't have snapped like that...” \n\n“Me neither. But it's kind of what we always do, isn't it?” Leo said, a smile in his voice. \n\n“Yeah, true. Hey, Leo?” \n\n“Yes?”\n\n“About the baby...” He could hear the fear creeping back into his younger brother's voice and brushed his thumb over the back of his hand. \n\n“Leo, I can't... This-... my baby-...” Raphael swallowed audibly, shifting behind the door before he found his voice again, and when he did, it was quiet again, unsure. “They took so many from me, I can't let anyone... Leo, I trust you guys. I do! I really do. I just-” \n\nLeo understood. Strange as it was and jumbled as his brother's words were, he understood. \n\n“You don't want us near the baby. And you're afraid we won't understand.” \n\n“How can you? I can't even understand it myself. It's like... Every time I so much as think about letting you or anyone near it... I can't stand it. I... I might do something stupid when...” he broke off in a frustrated huff, unable to find the right words. \n\n“It's instincts, Raph. He's your baby, you ought to protect him from any and all threats. And if 'threat' translates to 'everyone but you' right now, that's okay. As long as we know, we can deal with it. We can keep our distance, if that's what you need right now.” \n\nSilence again, and by the way Raph kept clutching his hand, he knew his words had hit home. “We will work this out, bit by bit.”\n\n“I'm gonna be awkward, Leo. I will snap at you again. Heck, I can't even say I wouldn't throw pans at your stupid head again.” \n\nDespite Raphael's serious tone, Leo felt a laugh bubble from his chest. “I'm really sorry, but that's neither new nor unexpected. Raph, seriously. Don't worry about us.” He put his second hand over Raph's as well, cradling still trembling fingers in both hands. “You're home now. Home with your family. And we will do everything we can to protect you. You and your baby.”\n\n“I love you, Leo.” A shaky exhale.\n\n“Love you too, Raph.” Leo smiled warmly, even though Raph couldn't see. “Just remember we're here for you.” \n\n“I know. I-... I haven't seen Splinter, though...”\n\nDark blue eyes snapped up and over to the dark dojo doors. “Master Splinter's sick. Nothing too serious, don't worry, but he's been down with fever the last few days. I told him you're back, he'll come see you as soon as he's better. I'll go tell him about what happened later today.”\n\n“Mh, I see.”\n\nLeo could hear the exhaustion in his brother's voice. “Hey, Raph, how about you go and get some more rest. And I want to make a deal with you.” \n\nRaphael seemed to sit up straighter at that, attentively. “What kind of... deal?” The suspicion in his voice stung, but Leo reminded himself to not take any of that personally. Instead, he chuckled lightly. \n\n“Something completely awful and humiliating of course! Gosh, Raph. You don't seriously expect me to screw you over, do you? No. I just... how about this. I tell the others to keep their distance from you, as much as you need us to. But in return, you'll keep your door open and you'll come out of your room every now and then.”\n\nWith a sigh and a histrionic sigh, Raphael gave a small squeeze to Leonardo's hands. “I won't have much say in the matter anyway, will I?” It was an agreement alright, simply wrapped in their usual teasing. And maybe the need for a bit of normalcy between them as well. \n\nLeonardo fell into the soft banter easily enough. “Nope. If you don't agree, I will just come back again and again, nagging and berating you and asking again and again until you grow so tired of me that you'll agree anyway. Saying yes now will spare us both a lot of time and effort.”\n\nFake groaning. “Alright already! Man, Leo, you're always such a pain! Where's my sympathy?” \n\n“Sympathy? You couldn't even DEAL with sympathy!”\n\n“Don't tell me what I can and cannot deal with, Fearless! And now go fuck off, my arms are falling asleep and I want to put the baby back to bed.” \n\nLeo smiled, turning a bit to look at the no longer trembling hand cradled in his own. “You do that. Try and get some rest as well. Later, when you're ready, come out of your room. And Raph... if you need anything. For yourself or the baby, do tell us.” \n\nMuch quieter this time, Raph replied “I will. But we're good right now. I'll try to come see you guys later. Maybe I'll come pick up some lunch or something. I don't know.” \n\nThey both tightened their hold on each others' hands for a moment, before letting go, and Leo rose to his feet. “Alright. We'll be here if you need us.” He paused, but knew there was nothing more to be said right now. \n\nQuietly, Leo heard Raph move behind the door, whispering something, probably to the baby, as he moved around in the room.\n\nThe door to his room stayed open, if only the barest crack. \n\nBut it was open. \n\n", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "Raphael didn't sleep.

He knew he probably should, like the rest of his family did, but he couldn't. Not when he needed to watch over the sleeping infant. Make sure the little being was still breathing, still sleeping peacefully.

Still sitting by the closed door, he cradled the baby safely in his arms, soothing it back to sleep whenever the little one started fussing.

Distantly, he could hear the quiet sounds of the lair waking up and leaned his head back against the wall. Despite the cleansing talk he'd had with Donatello, he didn't feel ready to go out to meet them.

In the kitchen, Leonardo was the first to arrive, yawning and putting some coffee on. Tired, blue eyes turned to stare at Raphael's door, as if willing it to open.

It didn't happen.

With a sigh, he turned his attention back to the brewing coffee. It wasn't his favorite drink, but It would help wake him up, put some energy into him that he suspected he would need for the day.

The strong scent of fresh coffee hit him and he breathed in deeply, trying to let the developing tension drain out of him with a slow exhale. Another deep breath. And another.

The sound of creaking metal, followed by footsteps announced his intelligent brother's arrival and Leonardo had to smile at the disheveled look and half-asleep way he moved.

“...Coffee?” he slurred.

That tore an actual little chuckle out of the oldest and he poured Donnie a cup, handing it to him. “Here you go.”

Donnie mumbled a thanks, the sound of it half-lost in the cup as he took a deep gulp of coffee, even while he shuffled over to the table to sit down.

Watching his little brother like that, normalcy written all over the scene before him, Leo felt his worry ease a little. Donnie was not a morning person at all. And without coffee he basically was in zombie-mode till afternoon.

Conversation with him also usually needed to wait until after his first or second cup of coffee. Especially after a night like that. Moving over with his own cup, Leonardo sat down next to his brother to take a slow sip of the dark liquid.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, just nipping at their coffee, before Donatello managed to string a proper sentence together. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

“I talked to Raph last night.”

That had Leo's attention alright, blue eyes snapping away from his cup to stare at his younger brother. “How's- Did he-...”

“I brought him some formula after you went to bed, and we just talked a little.” Donnie gave a soft smile. “He asked me to tell you he's sorry for what happened last night.” The expression on Leo's face spoke more than words could and Donnie shook his head. “He's really delicate right now. I doubt he'll come out of his room today, and I wouldn't recommend bothering him about it.”

“Do you think he... I mean, what about...”

Donatello reached over to put a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder. “We'll see, Leo. For now, let's just give him some space. I think Mikey will want to try and make him another meal and I think this time, he'll accept it. Maybe later, you can go to Raph and see if he's ready to talk some more.”

Nodding, the oldest brother sighed. “I think I owe him an apology, too. I just-... I didn't know...”

“None of us did. But now we do and now we will deal with it accordingly. For now, we'll go slow and wait for Raph to come around enough to let us help him. It will get better.” No 'It will be okay', because they both knew better than to think this was as easy to fix as their usual cuts and bruises. There was no telling how deep Raphael's mental and emotional wounds ran and while there was hope he /would/ heal, all of them would be picking up shards for a very, very long time.

A loud yawn disrupted their thoughts, as Mikey rounded the corner to the kitchen, stretching and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Mornin' guys...”

“Morning, Mikey.”

The youngest gave a sluggish smile, moving over to the fridge to pull out something to make breakfast with. “I bet Raph's half-starved by now. Should've eaten the dinner I made him.” He nodded to himself, reaching for a knife and cutting board.

Leo exchanged a look with Donnie, questioning, but his brother just shrugged, so he turned back to the youngest.

“Mikey, are you alright?”

Mikey paused in mid-chop, his back still to his siblings, but gave a quick nod. “Yeah... like... I know this isn't alright at all? But crying won't help. And pretending that everything will be peachy, just because Raph's back, won't help either. At least... I can try making it better somehow... Even if it's just with a meal.”

Leo rose and went to stand next to him, one arm around his baby brother. “Mikey...”

Michelangelo smiled. “Don't worry about me, Leo. I'll deal. And I'll help if I can, okay? Just.. let me help when I can, please. Like... I can make Raph breakfast if it helps. Maybe he'll eat. He'll need to eat well to get better.”

Gently, Leo leaned down to brush a kiss to Mikey's temple. “He'll eat, I'm sure. He's had time to rest and settle down. I'm sure he'll love eating some proper food.” He smiled, giving his shoulder a reassuring little squeeze.

Soon enough, there was the delicious smell of scrambled eggs, bacon and fried vegetables, wafting through the lair, and Mikey placed two large, steaming plates in front of his brothers. A third was still in his hands and Donnie looked up at him.

“Take it slow with him, alright?”

“Yeah, I know. I'll be good.” He grinned, his good mood indestructible as ever, bouncing off to Raphael's room to knock gently.

This time, when he returned to the kitchen, there was a proud smile on his face and no plate in his hands. “Didn't want to open the door, but I left it by the door. He sounded a lot better, too.”

Honestly relieved, Donnie “That's good. I think I'll prepare some more formula for him after breakfast, maybe...” and brown eyes met dark blue. “Maybe you could take it to Raph and try talking to him, Leo? I think he might want to talk to you, too. After last night.”

The oldest brother nodded slowly. “Maybe, yes. But I need some breakfast first.”

Mikey joined them at the table and for a little while, they enjoyed the shred of normalcy. After all, the worst of their fears, for now, were alleviated. Even if they didn't speak much, breakfast was comfortable and after a second helping of Mikey's delicious cooking, Leo felt calm enough to go look after Raphael himself.

With a fresh cup of formula, he made his way over to his little brother's door, knocking softly. “Hey, it's me. Donnie made some more formula for you, so...” Leo gave a silent, frustrated sigh, trying to swallow his rising nervousness.

Thankfully, Raphael's muffled voice saved him from getting too worked up over his own uneasiness. “Thanks... can you just leave it by the door?” By the sound of it, Raph was somewhere right behind the door, probably sitting, since his voice came from below.

Leo lowered himself to a crouch, holding on to the warm cup. “Actually, I was hoping we could talk a bit. About what happened.”

A pause, and Leo slowly placed the cup next to the door. “I'm not going to make you, I just... wanted to talk a little.”

“Alright, just... don't come in.” A small noise of shifting behind the door, and it cracked open a bit.

“Into your room? I'm not that stupid.” He chuckled lightly, sitting down properly.

Raphael gave a similar sound of amusement and reached out to take the cup of formula. “I wouldn't count on that.”

The familiar, almost playful mock in his sibling's voice teased another small laugh out of Leo and he leaned comfortably against the wall. “You never do. You never give me enough credit, actually.” He grinned, but sobered soon enough. “Hey, Raph?”

“Mh...?”

Leonardo swallowed against the sudden dry feeling in his mouth, throat tightening with emotions. “I'm really sorry about last night. I know I shouldn't have yelled at you and most of all I shouldn't have questioned your reasons. I'm sorry, Raph. I should have trusted you more than that.”

Silence stretched between them after Leonardo's words, and he felt his insides clench in fear of his brother's anger or worse, that the door would close again.

But neither happened. Instead, he heard a shaky, choked breath. “...Leo...” Raphael's hand appeared from behind the door, pale and quaking and Leonardo reached out before he even had to think about it.

Their fingers laced together and Leo felt the desperate strength with which his sibling held on to him, squeezing back just as firmly. Raphael needed something to ground him, even when he still had to hide behind his door.

“I'm sorry, too! Leo... I'm sorry, too. I don't want to make so much trouble... and I didn't mean to hit you. And-”

“Raph! Raph, stop. It's alright. I know.” Futile as it was, Leo tried to keep his own hand steady against the harsh shaking of his sibling's. “I know, Raph. Calm down, I know...” His voice was gentle, consoling instead of commanding.

It took a moment, but Raphael's trembling lessened back to a soft tremor, and only then did Leo continue. “I was tired and lost control. I promise-... no, I swear that won't happen again. Last night was hard on us, but that's over now. You're back home and we'll help you deal with what happened and with the little one.”

The hand in his own shifted a little, then renewed its hold on his own. “I shouldn't have snapped like that...”

“Me neither. But it's kind of what we always do, isn't it?” Leo said, a smile in his voice.

“Yeah, true. Hey, Leo?”

“Yes?”

“About the baby...” He could hear the fear creeping back into his younger brother's voice and brushed his thumb over the back of his hand.

“Leo, I can't... This-... my baby-...” Raphael swallowed audibly, shifting behind the door before he found his voice again, and when he did, it was quiet again, unsure. “They took so many from me, I can't let anyone... Leo, I trust you guys. I do! I really do. I just-”

Leo understood. Strange as it was and jumbled as his brother's words were, he understood.

“You don't want us near the baby. And you're afraid we won't understand.”

“How can you? I can't even understand it myself. It's like... Every time I so much as think about letting you or anyone near it... I can't stand it. I... I might do something stupid when...” he broke off in a frustrated huff, unable to find the right words.

“It's instincts, Raph. He's your baby, you ought to protect him from any and all threats. And if 'threat' translates to 'everyone but you' right now, that's okay. As long as we know, we can deal with it. We can keep our distance, if that's what you need right now.”

Silence again, and by the way Raph kept clutching his hand, he knew his words had hit home. “We will work this out, bit by bit.”

“I'm gonna be awkward, Leo. I will snap at you again. Heck, I can't even say I wouldn't throw pans at your stupid head again.”

Despite Raphael's serious tone, Leo felt a laugh bubble from his chest. “I'm really sorry, but that's neither new nor unexpected. Raph, seriously. Don't worry about us.” He put his second hand over Raph's as well, cradling still trembling fingers in both hands. “You're home now. Home with your family. And we will do everything we can to protect you. You and your baby.”

“I love you, Leo.” A shaky exhale.

“Love you too, Raph.” Leo smiled warmly, even though Raph couldn't see. “Just remember we're here for you.”

“I know. I-... I haven't seen Splinter, though...”

Dark blue eyes snapped up and over to the dark dojo doors. “Master Splinter's sick. Nothing too serious, don't worry, but he's been down with fever the last few days. I told him you're back, he'll come see you as soon as he's better. I'll go tell him about what happened later today.”

“Mh, I see.”

Leo could hear the exhaustion in his brother's voice. “Hey, Raph, how about you go and get some more rest. And I want to make a deal with you.”

Raphael seemed to sit up straighter at that, attentively. “What kind of... deal?” The suspicion in his voice stung, but Leo reminded himself to not take any of that personally. Instead, he chuckled lightly.

“Something completely awful and humiliating of course! Gosh, Raph. You don't seriously expect me to screw you over, do you? No. I just... how about this. I tell the others to keep their distance from you, as much as you need us to. But in return, you'll keep your door open and you'll come out of your room every now and then.”

With a sigh and a histrionic sigh, Raphael gave a small squeeze to Leonardo's hands. “I won't have much say in the matter anyway, will I?” It was an agreement alright, simply wrapped in their usual teasing. And maybe the need for a bit of normalcy between them as well.

Leonardo fell into the soft banter easily enough. “Nope. If you don't agree, I will just come back again and again, nagging and berating you and asking again and again until you grow so tired of me that you'll agree anyway. Saying yes now will spare us both a lot of time and effort.”

Fake groaning. “Alright already! Man, Leo, you're always such a pain! Where's my sympathy?”

“Sympathy? You couldn't even DEAL with sympathy!”

“Don't tell me what I can and cannot deal with, Fearless! And now go fuck off, my arms are falling asleep and I want to put the baby back to bed.”

Leo smiled, turning a bit to look at the no longer trembling hand cradled in his own. “You do that. Try and get some rest as well. Later, when you're ready, come out of your room. And Raph... if you need anything. For yourself or the baby, do tell us.”

Much quieter this time, Raph replied “I will. But we're good right now. I'll try to come see you guys later. Maybe I'll come pick up some lunch or something. I don't know.”

They both tightened their hold on each others' hands for a moment, before letting go, and Leo rose to his feet. “Alright. We'll be here if you need us.” He paused, but knew there was nothing more to be said right now.

Quietly, Leo heard Raph move behind the door, whispering something, probably to the baby, as he moved around in the room.

The door to his room stayed open, if only the barest crack.

But it was open.

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