Classifieds

ONE (1) THING CLAD IN MEAT AND FUR
    SEEKING OTHER
MUST/SHOULD BE SIMILAR
DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED, BUT PLEASE SEND PICTURE(S)

EARS MUST BE LARGE LIKE DINNER PLATES
MUST SHOW COMPATABILITY ON PRELIMINARY DATES
MUST USE NEUTRAL LANGUAGE, E.G. NO LOVES OR HATES
MUST NOT COMPLAIN WHEN SOUL IS SEVERED FROM THE FATES

VIRGINITY IS A MUST (BORN-AGAINS NEED NOT APPLY)
FAILING THAT, HAILING FROM VIRGINIA WILL SATISFY
PLEASE INCLUDE ESSAY ON THE BEST WAY TO DIE
RUN IF YOU SEE STRANGE SHAPES IN THE SKY

ALL LIKES (NOT SOME) MUST BE AS FOLLOWS:
LONG WALKS ON THE BEACH, DEAD EMPTY HOLLOWS
PUPPIES, KITTENS (LIVING), DISEMBOWELED SWALLOWS
AND THE WORTHLESS EXISTENCE IN WHICH HUMANITY WALLOWS

CONTACT BY SLEEPING BENEATH COLD STARS ALONE
AFTER SPILLING HOT BLOOD ON YOUR SHUNNED GREAT-UNCLE'S TOMBSTONE
ON A WELL-LIT NIGHT WHEN THE GIBBOUS MOON NEVER SHONE
BESIDE A WEIRD EFFIGY MADE OF PORCELAIN BONE

-C.M. Averin