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Being a parent is all about preparing for the unexpected.
You can read all the baby raising books and online advice you can find, but nothing can prepare you for when your newborn cub gets diagnosed with severe progressive hyperspermia.
You can research all the diaper brands you want, but it won't matter if your baby's genitals get too big for diapers before he even gets out of the nursery.
They'll tell you "please call us if these issues persist," but there was no way to know how much his growth would persist.
You often dreamed of the day your big boy might take his first steps, but you didn't imagine that he'd be permanently pinned to his little mattress by the overwhelming weight of his constantly growing balls before he even learned how to crawl.
You bought him binkies and rubber-tipped bottles to calm him whenever he gets upset, never considering that his own dick would eventually span the length of his whole body, and would almost never leave his toothless mouth once he started sucking on it.
You knew you'd someday have to teach your growing boy about sex and masturbation, but you couldn't predict that he'd discover it on his own at the ripe age of 2 months and spend nearly every hour of the day doing it.
You spent hours picking out the perfect crib to keep him cozy and safe, never testing if the walls would withstand your baby's overproductive cum tanks pressing against them harder and harder each passing day.
Baby clothes? Forget about it, you can't take him outside like this even if they fit.
Preschool? How could anyone teach a little lizard who's too preoccupied with his hyper genitalia to even attempt to speak?
Cute baby blue socks? What's the point? He'll never walk again. He prefers using his soft little feet to get himself off, anyway. No one ever taught him feet are supposed to be "dirty." No one ever will.
Baby formula? He's got his own baby formula, and he gets it straight from the tap. He churns gallons of the stuff every day. He couldn't drink it all even if he tried, though it certainly looks like he tries.
You originally bought a nannycam to watch over him and make sure he's safe. No good parent should be using it to record hours of him sucking himself off, grabbing as much of his overgrown dick as his tiny arms can reach and shoving as much of it into his little mouth as he can, letting out muffled little moans of pleasure. A normal parent would be appalled watching their baby paint the back of his throat with his own cum, gulping down as much of the torrent as he can swallow,not even stopping when the gallons of cum from his minutes-long orgasm causes his pudgy midsection to visibly bloat in size. He's able to hold more and more every time he goes at it, and by this point his cum-balloon of a stomach swells so large that it pushes his dick out of reach of his mouth and his arms. He cries for a moment, forced by his own inflated tummy to stop his favorite routine, but he soon falls asleep from the overwhelming pleasure, with cum still spraying against the wall and over his tuckered-out face.
You always hoped your child would someday find a purpose in life; something that would make you proud, and that he'd enjoy doing for the rest of his life. You just didn't expect him to find his purpose so soon.