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Ad Carna Astra
Detailing \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tNorithics\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t		\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tNorithics\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
' Nori's rule over the world Muffnar as its "Cocklord". I love the surface-level idea: Horny hooligan crashes onto alien world inhabited only by women due the decimation of the male population in a cosmic war.
I've had worldbuilding ideas for a long while now for it. And thanks to my recent enjoyment of a certain fimfic, Dear Princess Sunbutt, I decided to try my own hand at something like that, also taking some inspiration from the format of captains' logs from Star Trek.","writing":"Cocklord’s log, first entry.\n\nI’ve decided to start this series of personal audio logs for... the sake of posterity.\n\n[3.2 minutes of silence pass]\n\nI... Guess I’ll start with some recent events, since they’re the freshest on my mind at this moment.\n\nIt has been, in my homeworld’s method of tracking the passage of time, a little over a year to the day since I’ve landed on Muffnar. I’d mentioned this to my Head Attendant and Polisher, Floronna, as I was enjoying a rather delectable philly cheesesteak.\n\nAt her request, I told her of the ancient tradition of my people celebrating the annual recurrence of the day someone is born on, to celebrate the person and how meaningful they are to their loved ones- especially in the face of the savage cruelty my homeworld enjoys inflicting upon its populous.\n\nShe then requested to be excused, and I granted it on the condition she return in my favourite skimpy fishnet outfit of hers.\n\nShe returned about forty minutes later in that outfit... with as many top administrators she was able to get a hold of at that hour.\n\nThings sidetracked fairly quickly. Floronna presented them to me while I was in my frilly sheer toga, and almost immediately, communication broke down as they’d concluded I’d had them assembled on a ravenous whim. A few of them proceeded to... ready themselves for that circumstance. Others weren’t pleased they’d been called away from their families at this hour.\n\nIt seems that Floronna had anticipated, based on my talk of ancient traditions, that I’d be enacting new decrees for such a monumentous occasion.\n\nWhile she was incorrect, I decided to seize the opportunity to further bond with my hard-working, dedicated bureaucrats. I had Floronna slake their thirst, then serve them refreshments.\n\nThe impromptu social was kept casual and informal, given the circumstances. As we talked, the subject of how time was measured on my homeworld came up, and of course they were eager to hear more about it, and of course I indulged their curiosity.\n\nI talked about hours, days, weeks, months, years... and discovered how surreal it felt explaining something so foundational to me to someone for whom it was an absolutely alien concept. \n\nTime hasn’t really been much of an issue for me during my rule. I’m the Cocklord. Schedules, timetables, peoples lives- they all revolve around me.\n\nBut you see, Muffnar [i]does[/i] have a sense of keeping time, but it’s so shockingly basic. Ages ago they had come to accept the measurement and tracking of a unit very similar to a second... and had since then been tracking only those Muffnarian seconds, or Muff-secs as I like to call them. The way it’s handled in their society is fascinating to me- rather than passively keep track of the time for every Muff-sec in a day, things like chores, occasions, events and activities are counted down to. As digital clocks from my homeworld are a popular alternative to analogue clocks to plainly tell their users the time, so are \"Bar Counters\" to Muffnarians, digital devices that track upcoming events with the visual of slowly shortening pillars. A bar graph working in reverse, if you will.\n\nThe idea of condensed time measurements caught on amongst the staff. After casually expressing my shock that it hadn’t been done yet, a senior administrator reminded me of the Muffnarian Timekeepers and how I was likely to be staunchly opposed by them. And not like how I’ve been opposed by the Mystery, no. The Timekeepers are a longstanding, highly respected and influential group of independent researchers and historians- or the remnants thereof, depending on who you ask- who pioneered standardised timekeeping on the planet before branching out into other fields. I was told they would object on the grounds of cultural preservation, which... I’m not surprised about. Muffnar has already undergone a colossal shift in not only their culture, but their very way of life. And then I come along, gorgeous sex machine from the stars that I am, shaking things up even further. I could force the decree, but that would only serve to sew division not only amongst the populace, but with myself and this chrono-cabal.\n\nI suggested a possible compromise to the calendar itself: the tracking of days within a certain period of time, like Earthen weeks or months. Muffnar already possesses a day-night cycle very similar to my homeworld’s, and days are already informally referred to as such by much of the people- in fact now they use the word \"day\" instead of \"passing\" thanks to my own regular usage of it.\n\nI came up with a compromise to the calendar, reasoning that it could be tracked like how B.C. and A.D. were used to track the passage of large stretches of time in two different methods to differentiate eras on my planet.\n\nThese would be \"cycles\", clusters of 69 days. 69 can be divided up into three batches of 23-day sub-cycles. This method would be retroactively applied, starting from the day I arrived. So this stardate would be 5C20D- five cycles and twenty days since my arrival.\n\nI’ve already announced my intent to enact this system. Many of my adoring Muffnarians will embrace the new standard because of their unflinching adoration of me, but I’ve yet to receive reactions from the usual opposition parties, which I’m honestly surprised about. Even more strangely is that I haven’t received an immediate response from the Timekeepers yet. Are they seriously considering this decree of mine’ I guess only time will tell- ugh, I... instantly regret saying that unironically on record.\n\n[there is a brief silence, broken by the tinking of ice in liquid against glass and the sound of drinking]\n\nHmh. I’ve talked [i]way[/i] longer than I’d intended to. Heh, I thought I was going to be all dynamic like those fictional Federation starship captains, but...\n\n[sigh, followed by the sound of the Cocklord taking a seat, drink clacking onto a table]\n\nI’m responsible for more than a starship. WAY more.\n\n[1.9 minutes of silence]\n\nWell, back to it then.\n\n[a button on the recorder is pressed; recording continues; footsteps moving away from recorder, Cocklord’s voice fades into distance]\n\n\"Back to it?\" What the fuck kind of sign-off is that...!?\n\n\n","writing_bbcode_parsed":"Cocklord’s log, first entry.

I’ve decided to start this series of personal audio logs for... the sake of posterity.

[3.2 minutes of silence pass]

I... Guess I’ll start with some recent events, since they’re the freshest on my mind at this moment.

It has been, in my homeworld’s method of tracking the passage of time, a little over a year to the day since I’ve landed on Muffnar. I’d mentioned this to my Head Attendant and Polisher, Floronna, as I was enjoying a rather delectable philly cheesesteak.

At her request, I told her of the ancient tradition of my people celebrating the annual recurrence of the day someone is born on, to celebrate the person and how meaningful they are to their loved ones- especially in the face of the savage cruelty my homeworld enjoys inflicting upon its populous.

She then requested to be excused, and I granted it on the condition she return in my favourite skimpy fishnet outfit of hers.

She returned about forty minutes later in that outfit... with as many top administrators she was able to get a hold of at that hour.

Things sidetracked fairly quickly. Floronna presented them to me while I was in my frilly sheer toga, and almost immediately, communication broke down as they’d concluded I’d had them assembled on a ravenous whim. A few of them proceeded to... ready themselves for that circumstance. Others weren’t pleased they’d been called away from their families at this hour.

It seems that Floronna had anticipated, based on my talk of ancient traditions, that I’d be enacting new decrees for such a monumentous occasion.

While she was incorrect, I decided to seize the opportunity to further bond with my hard-working, dedicated bureaucrats. I had Floronna slake their thirst, then serve them refreshments.

The impromptu social was kept casual and informal, given the circumstances. As we talked, the subject of how time was measured on my homeworld came up, and of course they were eager to hear more about it, and of course I indulged their curiosity.

I talked about hours, days, weeks, months, years... and discovered how surreal it felt explaining something so foundational to me to someone for whom it was an absolutely alien concept.

Time hasn’t really been much of an issue for me during my rule. I’m the Cocklord. Schedules, timetables, peoples lives- they all revolve around me.

But you see, Muffnar does have a sense of keeping time, but it’s so shockingly basic. Ages ago they had come to accept the measurement and tracking of a unit very similar to a second... and had since then been tracking only those Muffnarian seconds, or Muff-secs as I like to call them. The way it’s handled in their society is fascinating to me- rather than passively keep track of the time for every Muff-sec in a day, things like chores, occasions, events and activities are counted down to. As digital clocks from my homeworld are a popular alternative to analogue clocks to plainly tell their users the time, so are "Bar Counters" to Muffnarians, digital devices that track upcoming events with the visual of slowly shortening pillars. A bar graph working in reverse, if you will.

The idea of condensed time measurements caught on amongst the staff. After casually expressing my shock that it hadn’t been done yet, a senior administrator reminded me of the Muffnarian Timekeepers and how I was likely to be staunchly opposed by them. And not like how I’ve been opposed by the Mystery, no. The Timekeepers are a longstanding, highly respected and influential group of independent researchers and historians- or the remnants thereof, depending on who you ask- who pioneered standardised timekeeping on the planet before branching out into other fields. I was told they would object on the grounds of cultural preservation, which... I’m not surprised about. Muffnar has already undergone a colossal shift in not only their culture, but their very way of life. And then I come along, gorgeous sex machine from the stars that I am, shaking things up even further. I could force the decree, but that would only serve to sew division not only amongst the populace, but with myself and this chrono-cabal.

I suggested a possible compromise to the calendar itself: the tracking of days within a certain period of time, like Earthen weeks or months. Muffnar already possesses a day-night cycle very similar to my homeworld’s, and days are already informally referred to as such by much of the people- in fact now they use the word "day" instead of "passing" thanks to my own regular usage of it.

I came up with a compromise to the calendar, reasoning that it could be tracked like how B.C. and A.D. were used to track the passage of large stretches of time in two different methods to differentiate eras on my planet.

These would be "cycles", clusters of 69 days. 69 can be divided up into three batches of 23-day sub-cycles. This method would be retroactively applied, starting from the day I arrived. So this stardate would be 5C20D- five cycles and twenty days since my arrival.

I’ve already announced my intent to enact this system. Many of my adoring Muffnarians will embrace the new standard because of their unflinching adoration of me, but I’ve yet to receive reactions from the usual opposition parties, which I’m honestly surprised about. Even more strangely is that I haven’t received an immediate response from the Timekeepers yet. Are they seriously considering this decree of mine’ I guess only time will tell- ugh, I... instantly regret saying that unironically on record.

[there is a brief silence, broken by the tinking of ice in liquid against glass and the sound of drinking]

Hmh. I’ve talked way longer than I’d intended to. Heh, I thought I was going to be all dynamic like those fictional Federation starship captains, but...

[sigh, followed by the sound of the Cocklord taking a seat, drink clacking onto a table]

I’m responsible for more than a starship. WAY more.

[1.9 minutes of silence]

Well, back to it then.

[a button on the recorder is pressed; recording continues; footsteps moving away from recorder, Cocklord’s voice fades into distance]

"Back to it?" What the fuck kind of sign-off is that...!?


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