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"description": "I'm not normally one to touch on heavy subjects with my art. (heavy in mass, maybe but not so much in subject matter) but with June being Pride Month, it's gotten my mind on my own past. My own journey and my own mistakes and what I had to learn from them. This picture is meant in no way to be a joke, I know it could possibly come off as such but it is purely based on my own path in life.\n\nFor the past decade or so I feel as though I've lived a lie, mostly to myself and not intentionally and one I've just recently gotten out of. When I was in high school, roughly 16-17 I had started to develop feelings for members of the same sex. Growing up in a religious family this was obviously a big deal and an even bigger one when it came to explaining it to my parents. Among the absurd religious banter use to quash my sexuality, one thing they said stuck out to me \"There are not bisexual people, only confused people.\" This struck a chord with me and not in the way they had intended. My thoughts on hearing this were simply \"Well, if being bisexual means I'm confused and I know I'm not confused about my feeling towards guys... then I must just be gay!\" Maybe not quite so frank but this mindset unintentionally set me down a road of lying to myself.\n\nWhat a found through the years is that this mindset that bisexuals are just \"confused\" is a pretty firmly held belief. That being bisexual is merely something straight people so they can be part of the \"queer trend\" or something that gay people say to help soften the blow when coming out. Things like that. The more I heard, the more I lied to myself. The more I allowed myself to change to fit some mandate for gay men to act and think. While I felt liberated to express my interest in men, it came at the cost of not just lying to myself but an overall loss of identity and it took years to realize this and even longer to come to grips with it.\n\nEventually, I couldn't keep lying to myself. I had to be me, there's nothing wrong with that, right? Well, you know what happened? I lost every friend I had that was affiliated with the LGBT. This group of supposed tolerant people immediately turned their back on me. That I was just sitting on a fence and needed to choose a side. That I was a poser... and maybe part of that was true but at least I was honest with myself.\n\nMy goal here is not to shit on the LGBT. Shallow people exist everywhere, but in the end we should all strive to accept people for who they are. I've heard of similar situations happening to others and my main point if to say that being bi is not a problem. It's not a lie. It's not a joke. It's real. The thought that simply like men and woman and what have you is some form of betrayal is ludicrous. The gender of a person shouldn't matter, it's the person who matters. Maybe that's changed in recent years, but from my own experience there's this sad stigma over being bi that I hope can be dispelled. Be who you are and never lie to yourself.\n\nAs for the picture well, is this anything canonical to the character of Alexei? Probably not. I don't keep things in strict continuity. I just thought it worked and could maybe have some levity to the otherwise heavy topic I was going to go into. If it was a bit muddled and rambling, I apologize but it's something I've meant to get off my chest for awhile.\n\n(Character of Jelli belongs to [iconname]Oogzie[/iconname], Alexei is mine) ",
"description_bbcode_parsed": "I'm not normally one to touch on heavy subjects with my art. (heavy in mass, maybe but not so much in subject matter) but with June being Pride Month, it's gotten my mind on my own past. My own journey and my own mistakes and what I had to learn from them. This picture is meant in no way to be a joke, I know it could possibly come off as such but it is purely based on my own path in life.
For the past decade or so I feel as though I've lived a lie, mostly to myself and not intentionally and one I've just recently gotten out of. When I was in high school, roughly 16-17 I had started to develop feelings for members of the same sex. Growing up in a religious family this was obviously a big deal and an even bigger one when it came to explaining it to my parents. Among the absurd religious banter use to quash my sexuality, one thing they said stuck out to me "There are not bisexual people, only confused people." This struck a chord with me and not in the way they had intended. My thoughts on hearing this were simply "Well, if being bisexual means I'm confused and I know I'm not confused about my feeling towards guys... then I must just be gay!" Maybe not quite so frank but this mindset unintentionally set me down a road of lying to myself.
What a found through the years is that this mindset that bisexuals are just "confused" is a pretty firmly held belief. That being bisexual is merely something straight people so they can be part of the "queer trend" or something that gay people say to help soften the blow when coming out. Things like that. The more I heard, the more I lied to myself. The more I allowed myself to change to fit some mandate for gay men to act and think. While I felt liberated to express my interest in men, it came at the cost of not just lying to myself but an overall loss of identity and it took years to realize this and even longer to come to grips with it.
Eventually, I couldn't keep lying to myself. I had to be me, there's nothing wrong with that, right? Well, you know what happened? I lost every friend I had that was affiliated with the LGBT. This group of supposed tolerant people immediately turned their back on me. That I was just sitting on a fence and needed to choose a side. That I was a poser... and maybe part of that was true but at least I was honest with myself.
My goal here is not to shit on the LGBT. Shallow people exist everywhere, but in the end we should all strive to accept people for who they are. I've heard of similar situations happening to others and my main point if to say that being bi is not a problem. It's not a lie. It's not a joke. It's real. The thought that simply like men and woman and what have you is some form of betrayal is ludicrous. The gender of a person shouldn't matter, it's the person who matters. Maybe that's changed in recent years, but from my own experience there's this sad stigma over being bi that I hope can be dispelled. Be who you are and never lie to yourself.
As for the picture well, is this anything canonical to the character of Alexei? Probably not. I don't keep things in strict continuity. I just thought it worked and could maybe have some levity to the otherwise heavy topic I was going to go into. If it was a bit muddled and rambling, I apologize but it's something I've meant to get off my chest for awhile.
(Character of Jelli belongs to [iconname]Oogzie[/iconname], Alexei is mine) ",
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