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meaning for myself...

hope you enjoy it;

just remember to look for the one in you own language...

Special thanks to lethanief ardum https://x.com/ManuelMallard?s=20 for the cover art... even if it was for another story...", "writing": "Wastelands of the Hellish Dreamworld\n“True love is losing yourself in a hell you will endure”\n\nDoes it ever happened to you, than your own subconscious make you pass a bad time… lively dreams than you wish to not have had or dreams you cannot remember despite how much you try.\n\nI considerate myself an Ape-man of science, somebody who is not fooled by superstitions or ghost stories; but a wise woman and teacher once told me, long ago: \n- “I don´t believe in witches, but they can fly, and we know it”-\n\nSo; if you allow me, I will write down a story for you, inspired by a Dream I had some time ago…\n\n1.- Death & Downfall\nAt the very end of days, I found myself in bed, covered in white blanquettes, losing little by little the last remaining of my consciousness, struggling to breath and not being able to move looking at the empty white space on the ceiling of my room, medics and nurses around my bed are the only sad company in those last moments. One of them cover my decrepit face with the blanquette while another one writes down the exact moment of my dead; in that moment I realize I have been dead cold for a while, nor friends, nor family, I was left alone, abandoned in the room.\n\nIt is said, Death is just a new beginning, I felt lighter, like if I was floating, then I hear the wind roaring and slashing through my skin and then I notice, I am not floating I am falling, I cannot control my decent, and I am going down rapidly, my body, old, wrinkled, hairless & week surely will not stand the crashing impact, but it doesn´t matter, I am already dead after all.\n\nI hit the ground violently, the floor is made of hard rock, polish and plain but completely flooded as far as you can see, I try to stand up as quick as possible trying to breath, my arms and legs were broken and my skin was torn apart, even so I can stand up watching the remains of my body in this watery grave, The skin I use to wear for so many years lays now in front of me, ragged and tattered, soaking in blood & water, but, I´m standing hosting a new body, I´m a young monkey-man again just like in the old good days, in the prime of fit.\n\nNot knowing where I am, without any clothes, and only having week finger nails & my teeth as weapon I start walking around, my fur is soaked to the very tip of my tail in this strangely warm water; I can see some pillars, “Roman like columns” equidistant from each other, I use them as guidance, but they are so many I end up lost anyways, I keep walking tirelessly, but no matter how far I reach, the field is an immense flooded swamp, there are part in with the water touch my ankles and there are also areas the water is high enough to cover my knees, despite my effort searching for it, looks there is not dry land around.\n\nThere is no moon, not even starts, I cannot see far away because everything around me is pitch black, or at least It seems so, thinking about that, I finally understand there is a dim light around me like if I had a torch, but I had nothing at all, tired and lost, I reclining my back in one pillar, thirsty, I drank the reddish water I´m cover with, metallic in taste, no doubt anymore, that murky water is mixed with blood…\n\nAfter a while I wake up on a painful feeling of being stabbed in the gut, a huge creature grab me in their hands, he playing with my body, stabbing spears and knifes while he is mocking at me in a weird language; Screaming and crying as loud as I could I try to fight back in vain, this thing grab me by the leg and on one single swing, I was splattered in the ground, splashing water and my insides all over the place, I should have been dead or a least unconscious by now, but instead of that I´m still aware and alive, suffering every stabbing, every slashing, that thing was just toying with me. I was just too tired than I cannot even screen anymore. That creature finally gets bored and hang up the remaining of my body in a hook on a pillar leaving me alone.\n\nAlone I can see myself gore through my belly, my legs are broken, the hook I’m hang out is piercing my chest from the back; in the end I’m way too tired to keep myself awake, So, I finally understand, the good and evil deeds will be pay in blood and pain, looks like I finally reach home, my own personal hell.\n\n2.- Desolation & Desire\nA little while later, I recovered my strength, I pull myself out of the column tightening my teeth so I don´t screen because the pain of my flesh being torn apart while removing myself from the meat hooks, I fall on the water again unconscious; wake up again in a spasming cough, spilling out water like if I were drowning, I reach out the hook and using all my wits I manage to keep it for myself; trying to keep moving, I promise to myself to not fall sleep again and Fight back until the very end if that thing came back, I will use the same hook I was hang on as weapon, I solemnly swear in my mind I will stab that monster in his eyes, but things won´t be that easy, as I yet about to learn.\n\nMany steps away from that encounter I start to realize, my body isn´t broken, the deep wounds that thing did to me, have gone by now; I was painless despite being stabbed and the road I walked was filled with rubble and ruins pillars, but still flooded, also, while walking I met with some little impish creatures, small just like kittens, they are cute and macabre at the same time, rough violent and playful they torn apart each other while I was not watching them, They followed me at a safe distance and try to hide every time I turn myself around, they act funny and cute, sometimes they show up in front of me, in a moment I end up surrounded by the devilish small guys, the hide and seek play has become into a hunting game now I´m the prey; but, they were so cute with that big puppy eyes, they surely clouded my judge, then they get closer and closer, some of them start swimming just in front of me, just like baby crocodiles in the water, the boldest of them were clinging on my back, traveling on me, they thorn my skin with his little claws, sure they looks happy, and despite it hurts a lot that painful sensation helps me to keep myself awake\n\nAfter more walking they were taking turns to drink the blood coming out of the wounds they had made me on my back; resigned and having walking enough I reclining my back on the another pillar, the lil fellas were not happy, they yelled and screamed like if I was doing something awful to them, tired and probably because the loss of blood I end up sitting on the soaked floor; the cute faces of the little imps now shown a weird looking smile, sinister enough than allow me to see their fangs and how much they salivate from their mouths, I rise my hand trying to show them I wish to hug them, they approach steadily and slow as if I have giving them a feeding signal; they bite me, chopping off pieces of my body and devouring my flesh while I tried to stand it as much as I can; in the I wasn´t strong enough. \nCannot fight back again & Can´t even reply, it was too painful indeed but I just pass out.\nI sleep up again, new body, everything was, where it should be and every one of the imps who have feed upon my flesh last time were sleeping soundly with their bellies round and fully just like a pet after a good meal; some of them were sleeping on me using me as a bed; the little rascals. I stand up slowly so to not wake up the one who have fall sleep on my arms, I was carrying him around like if it was a little sleeping cat, I am still without direction and very lost, gently I wake up the lil fella, but when they see me, alive and complete, the imp flew away to hiding behind a pillar, when the others wake up and see me, they freak out and start to flee to hide themselves.\n\nI tried to explain myself I just need a direction, maybe an address if possible, I didn’t want them to leave, they were the only company I got so far, yes, their fangs hurt a lot, but I don´t wanted to be alone, that is a pain I cannot bare anymore, not in this desolated place.\n\n3.-Determination & Destiny\nWith my futile effort to keep their company wasted, I end up moving away from that place, stranding again, in a mere second, I notice something way too different, on a closer inspection I see a platform, wide and high enough to be outside of the water level, I could even look a damp bonfire remaining, impossible to lit up in this wetness, how many time had pass since last time I see a structure so different; the I realize I have spent days without food, I avoid drinking the bloody water and every time I go to sleep something terrible happens.\nI climb up the platform to check the place, I´m standing in a dry land after so long I cannot remember last time I could dry my feet, I seek further I can see, but only a pitch-black darkness is at the vicinity.\nThe structure I am standing looks more like a crumble rooftop, from a big house or manor, noting useful is there, no clothes, no weapons, nor tools, not being able to find anything of use I was about to leave the place when I start hearing a watery sound, some kind of splashy footstep, the sound slow and tired, a weird language can be heard too; an infernal tough very peculiar than I cannot grasp in my understand. So, I look them, and they saw me for sure, two huge creature bearing white spears and a lot of skinned bodies\nI would tried to hide, but there is no time, in my naivety, I thought they could help out, give me some directions if I can communicate with them, I wave my arms to them to make sure they saw me, the creatures start running toward the structure, I knew things were about to change soon, and then I feel it in my gut, diplomacy was not my forte in this place, a spear have just impaled me, fading away unconscious\n\nI wake up again, at the base of the platform, the bonfire is lit in the center of it, my hosts were sleeping safe and soundly, some meat roasting on stick at the bonfire, silently and sneaky as possible I took a piece of meat, the most roasted possible, without any hunger and just because I need to eat something, I end up devouring many pieces, they taste like chicken, everything does when it is not seasoned\n\nI ended up waiting for the ogre-like couple to wake up, admiring their bodies and the shape they have, they were humanoid in build with a long fish-like fin tail; if they have had whiskers they would looks like a catfish with claws and legs instead of fins; very muscular. After a while the slimmest of the two wakes up, I said hi, as calm and friendly as I possibly can to be, smiling like someone watching a long live friend and it doesn´t works.\n\nQuickly the ogre-like beast wakes his friend and everything happened again, I was impaled assassinated and devoured 3 more times before I could make a conversation with them; sort of, they use screams growls and roars to make themselves clear I was not welcomed there anymore, they love the easy food but even for them it was very weird to be killed and not stay dead, so I keep moving on the water but at least I took a bone knife for myself & some roasted meat to munch on the fields; carrying everything in a leather bag bestowed to me in a very despiteful and angry manner from the orcs.\n\n4.-Dissappointed & Dreams\nNow feeling more attune now than ever to this weird place I try to make friends, without much success, I met the devilish imps again, now more easygoing around me and very hungry to tell the truth, I offered my meat, the one from my bag I mean, and also my flesh if it is needed; only a handful of them took the offer and follow me around, now I had someone to talk, sort of, they cannot understand me, neither do I; every time I fall sleep my body regenerates, I was not need to be killed to back to normality; only if I had knew that before probably would avoided a couple of painful dead, running towards a lance to make sure to impale yourself in the neck is something I had not planned to do ever again.\n\nEventually I was set in this continuous cycle of agony dead and rebirth, testing the limits of my body, just to look how much pain I could endure before killing myself to stop the suffering.\n\nOne time, I this hellish place I met a different being, more human than anyone else around here, milk white skin, completely spotless, beautiful for any standards; in a common though than I can understand he offered himself to me, telling me they will grant all my wildest carnal wishes to came true, I rejects the offer without any doubt in my heart, telling him how much I dislike the perfection of his unnatural appearances, yes, he or she was beautiful, in a divine liturgic way I dislike that much, his face was featureless, not male nor female, hairless body, slim almost a divine child, a fallen angel indeed, disgusting.\n\nIn a rush of rage, the offended creature attack me from behind, I fight back and refuse to going down easily this time, but in the end he use me as he pleased, for days he violate all my cavitates and make me more opens just for his amusement, only because I warn him than I will chop out his tough with my teeth if he dare to kiss me he probably would have doing worst things in my mouth; after that episode with the small remains of my humanity broken not much for the raping but instead the feeling of vulnerability we end up talking about what happened.\n\nHe mocks at me, he make sure I understand than I had felt pleasure most of the mortals only dream about, I reply than being stabbed or impaled is not fun at all, and he laugh again in my face, pointing my body was betraying my mind; in the end I tanks him, at least I could talk with someone. His words make me think, maybe this is just a dream, maybe everything is in my mind, a coma like state happened in real world and this is just me trying to figure out some unfinished business of some sort just before finally passing away.\n\nMy wishes, my fears, my darkest secrets are here, in the end I said goodbye to him, and he reply giving me a warning in good will.\n\n– You are entering to a dangerous place, The Demons ahead are bigger, stronger, uglier; but they can be pleased, your flesh, your blood, your hate even your lust could save you from being his slave – \n\nNot really believing a word of his warning I leave the place, good advice from an Incubuss, if everything could be fixed by having a sexual intercourse, we should have so much problems at all\n\n5.-Delight & Dementia\nI´m Still in the road, the pillars are more widespread now, I can see more structures in the vicinity, like if they were the ruins of a big city, I´m exploring just for fun cause I really don´t have anything else to do, it is said than the important part of a journey is the journey itself not the Goal; well this Journey have become way too long; it must have a purpose a final goal, something I probably had forget long time ago.\n\nFrom time to time I ended up finding myself against a specter, monsters or amorphous being, I had to fight against them to keep going, but I lost almost all the time, I few I defeated were treated whit kindness, I offered my flesh, blood or love as it suited the best for themselves, lucky for them I cannot hold a grudge or hate for too long; some of them became allies, others just betrayed me to save their skin, turning myself into a offering or sacrifice to a bigger demon, the disappointed I felt was now way more painful than being crunched by the fangs of their bosses, the once I met again after those awful moments laugh at me with the advice to never trust them to begging with, and I agree, but they looks so poorly pitiful than without my help they would have being the dinner instead of me, or at least it is what I told to endure this afterlife\n\nAs time passed upon us, I was used, abused and raped periodically, and for the underworld masters delightful and pleasure for the growing crowd of savages demons, I found myself enjoying being the center of the macabre show, I love the unwanted attention, the feeling of being used in front of everyone, either in the coliseum or the ruin palace, I became the main course for the please of many. \n\nFor fist time I finally felt comfortable in this place, there is a very thin line between sanity and madness, and looks like I already had pass that phase months ago, or maybe years, impossible to said.\n\nI became a plaything, like a pet or a toy, I could move around whenever I wish, no chains or shackles, everybody was staring at me just to see me trying and fail to scape; I knew scape was not an option, neither I wish to leave the place, but the fun in fled and being chased, killing, or trying to kill everyone in my path was something me and the underworld bosses love to see.\n\nIn the end, I found myself on duty, fulfilling carnal favors for the mayors demons, I was in a hedonistic ecstasies; I guess in the end the fallen angel was right.\n6.-Dreamoff & Departure\nAll the Joy, all the bliss, all the suffering I endure day after day was not enough, something was missing, suddenly that thing, that something lacking in my life suddenly appeared; a red blighting orb shows on the horizon; that event make most the bigger demons to hide, rumors about the creatures being thorn to pieces came from all around the hell and the red light orb was the bad omen of doom; the strongest demons, the menacing beast feared this omen that much than many became a scaredy unstable creatures, fear and terror were so common for me than I stop feeling them at all, but for this big guys, my once called lovers and tortures it was just too much to bear.\n\nAs for me, the light felt warm, I could feel a lovely sensation coming out from that light even from the far away distance of it; not thinking too much I just run to reach that little red sun, the light was not in the sky it was on the field, maybe I could reach it, just a little bit more, just if…\n\nI arrived and saw him, a huge dire wolf of golden coat, huge as a bear with serpent like red eyes glowing in rage, his hate pierce trough my heart, make me felt pitiful and week, his bare fangs were long and sharp than cannot keep themselves in the mouth; this creature stare at me, I felt the weight of his rage, a wrathful hate.\nThen I Remember…\n\n– I’m here; I know i´m late; but I finally found you – I told the beast while tear come out from my eyes.\n\nThe creature stare directly onto my eyes and speck out loudly as a thunder\n– You, you abandoned me, you forget me, YOU LEFT ME LOCK UP IN THIS DAMN PLACE FOR AEONS AND YOU HOPE THAN I WELCOME YOU WITH OPEN ARMS, LIKE EVERYTHING WAS FORGIVEN?!!? – \n\nIn a single move the wolf changes his standing and a cluster of tentacles come out from the ground stabbing me one more time, but I don´t feel pain, my heart is so heavy of felling than physical pain unnoticeable.\n\nLooking like if I was dead the tentacle releases my body falling off flaccid on the ground; I rise again slowly and painfully, asking for forgiveness, I won´t leave him ever again; the wolf look at me as a worthless piece of flesh, he bites off my arm, throwing it away like a piece of garbage; then I knew in my heart.\n\n– Whit all that power; you didn´t go for my head? – \nI told him with tear I my eyes and smile; with the remaining strength left on my body I collapse myself on the wolf trying to hug him with only one arm; I the end I whisper in his hear –I miss you too; a lot – \n\nI wake up again, but now I’m on a small dry island with a small lighten bonfire in the middle, like a campsite, my body sems to be intact everything is in his place. But surely the dire wolf has feed upon myself like everyone or worse; I stand up slowly and give him the hug I was craving for so long; with both arms.\n\nStoic the Majestic Beast speaks with a calm voice\n– You killed me; I will always remember it, you were sad, you put me to sleep, and then I felt the piercing straight to the heart; I hear you crying, you told me go home, but I was in home, where else could I went? You left me in a cold and dark place; then I saw the light, a wildfire so intense I could scape, I end up here; I hear you many times telling you will came for me, and I wait but you never show up; I miss you too – \n\nThe big bad wolf was just a mere pup left alone in the dark, I could help myself but hug him the tightest I could\nI the end, I stand up, stretched my body, and happily told him – well, I am here now and I won´t going to leave you alone never again; so let’s go there is a whole underworld to explore – \nas soon I start stepping forward I felt the weight of the Dire wolf in my back, pinned me down the beast smile is a morbid style while laughing in y face – No, here I´m who rules, and you will do as I said whenever I wish – \n\nWhile looking down at me the magnificent beast shows pride and dominance; I was pinned down and completely overpowered by the wolf, I can only challenge him by words telling an udoubtful – make me –\n\nThe Dire wolf change his gaze of pride for a mix of curiosity, amusement, and joy; licking upon his fangs and drooling litters of saliva the big guy full of lust speaks softly \n– with pleasure – \n\nSecond after we both broke on a maniacal laugh; enjoying every single bit of this madness we are living it\n\n“True love is losing yourself in a hell you will endure”\n\nThe End\n\nAnd then I wake up; in my bed, on my time in the real world, full of happiness, a feeling that I hope it never wore off….\n\nSubconscious is fascinating, it help you to tame you inner demons, also it let you express you deepest wishes, the once you are not even aware you had\n\n\n", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "Wastelands of the Hellish Dreamworld
“True love is losing yourself in a hell you will endure”

Does it ever happened to you, than your own subconscious make you pass a bad time… lively dreams than you wish to not have had or dreams you cannot remember despite how much you try.

I considerate myself an Ape-man of science, somebody who is not fooled by superstitions or ghost stories; but a wise woman and teacher once told me, long ago:
- “I don´t believe in witches, but they can fly, and we know it”-

So; if you allow me, I will write down a story for you, inspired by a Dream I had some time ago…

1.- Death & Downfall
At the very end of days, I found myself in bed, covered in white blanquettes, losing little by little the last remaining of my consciousness, struggling to breath and not being able to move looking at the empty white space on the ceiling of my room, medics and nurses around my bed are the only sad company in those last moments. One of them cover my decrepit face with the blanquette while another one writes down the exact moment of my dead; in that moment I realize I have been dead cold for a while, nor friends, nor family, I was left alone, abandoned in the room.

It is said, Death is just a new beginning, I felt lighter, like if I was floating, then I hear the wind roaring and slashing through my skin and then I notice, I am not floating I am falling, I cannot control my decent, and I am going down rapidly, my body, old, wrinkled, hairless & week surely will not stand the crashing impact, but it doesn´t matter, I am already dead after all.

I hit the ground violently, the floor is made of hard rock, polish and plain but completely flooded as far as you can see, I try to stand up as quick as possible trying to breath, my arms and legs were broken and my skin was torn apart, even so I can stand up watching the remains of my body in this watery grave, The skin I use to wear for so many years lays now in front of me, ragged and tattered, soaking in blood & water, but, I´m standing hosting a new body, I´m a young monkey-man again just like in the old good days, in the prime of fit.

Not knowing where I am, without any clothes, and only having week finger nails & my teeth as weapon I start walking around, my fur is soaked to the very tip of my tail in this strangely warm water; I can see some pillars, “Roman like columns” equidistant from each other, I use them as guidance, but they are so many I end up lost anyways, I keep walking tirelessly, but no matter how far I reach, the field is an immense flooded swamp, there are part in with the water touch my ankles and there are also areas the water is high enough to cover my knees, despite my effort searching for it, looks there is not dry land around.

There is no moon, not even starts, I cannot see far away because everything around me is pitch black, or at least It seems so, thinking about that, I finally understand there is a dim light around me like if I had a torch, but I had nothing at all, tired and lost, I reclining my back in one pillar, thirsty, I drank the reddish water I´m cover with, metallic in taste, no doubt anymore, that murky water is mixed with blood…

After a while I wake up on a painful feeling of being stabbed in the gut, a huge creature grab me in their hands, he playing with my body, stabbing spears and knifes while he is mocking at me in a weird language; Screaming and crying as loud as I could I try to fight back in vain, this thing grab me by the leg and on one single swing, I was splattered in the ground, splashing water and my insides all over the place, I should have been dead or a least unconscious by now, but instead of that I´m still aware and alive, suffering every stabbing, every slashing, that thing was just toying with me. I was just too tired than I cannot even screen anymore. That creature finally gets bored and hang up the remaining of my body in a hook on a pillar leaving me alone.

Alone I can see myself gore through my belly, my legs are broken, the hook I’m hang out is piercing my chest from the back; in the end I’m way too tired to keep myself awake, So, I finally understand, the good and evil deeds will be pay in blood and pain, looks like I finally reach home, my own personal hell.

2.- Desolation & Desire
A little while later, I recovered my strength, I pull myself out of the column tightening my teeth so I don´t screen because the pain of my flesh being torn apart while removing myself from the meat hooks, I fall on the water again unconscious; wake up again in a spasming cough, spilling out water like if I were drowning, I reach out the hook and using all my wits I manage to keep it for myself; trying to keep moving, I promise to myself to not fall sleep again and Fight back until the very end if that thing came back, I will use the same hook I was hang on as weapon, I solemnly swear in my mind I will stab that monster in his eyes, but things won´t be that easy, as I yet about to learn.

Many steps away from that encounter I start to realize, my body isn´t broken, the deep wounds that thing did to me, have gone by now; I was painless despite being stabbed and the road I walked was filled with rubble and ruins pillars, but still flooded, also, while walking I met with some little impish creatures, small just like kittens, they are cute and macabre at the same time, rough violent and playful they torn apart each other while I was not watching them, They followed me at a safe distance and try to hide every time I turn myself around, they act funny and cute, sometimes they show up in front of me, in a moment I end up surrounded by the devilish small guys, the hide and seek play has become into a hunting game now I´m the prey; but, they were so cute with that big puppy eyes, they surely clouded my judge, then they get closer and closer, some of them start swimming just in front of me, just like baby crocodiles in the water, the boldest of them were clinging on my back, traveling on me, they thorn my skin with his little claws, sure they looks happy, and despite it hurts a lot that painful sensation helps me to keep myself awake

After more walking they were taking turns to drink the blood coming out of the wounds they had made me on my back; resigned and having walking enough I reclining my back on the another pillar, the lil fellas were not happy, they yelled and screamed like if I was doing something awful to them, tired and probably because the loss of blood I end up sitting on the soaked floor; the cute faces of the little imps now shown a weird looking smile, sinister enough than allow me to see their fangs and how much they salivate from their mouths, I rise my hand trying to show them I wish to hug them, they approach steadily and slow as if I have giving them a feeding signal; they bite me, chopping off pieces of my body and devouring my flesh while I tried to stand it as much as I can; in the I wasn´t strong enough.
Cannot fight back again & Can´t even reply, it was too painful indeed but I just pass out.
I sleep up again, new body, everything was, where it should be and every one of the imps who have feed upon my flesh last time were sleeping soundly with their bellies round and fully just like a pet after a good meal; some of them were sleeping on me using me as a bed; the little rascals. I stand up slowly so to not wake up the one who have fall sleep on my arms, I was carrying him around like if it was a little sleeping cat, I am still without direction and very lost, gently I wake up the lil fella, but when they see me, alive and complete, the imp flew away to hiding behind a pillar, when the others wake up and see me, they freak out and start to flee to hide themselves.

I tried to explain myself I just need a direction, maybe an address if possible, I didn’t want them to leave, they were the only company I got so far, yes, their fangs hurt a lot, but I don´t wanted to be alone, that is a pain I cannot bare anymore, not in this desolated place.

3.-Determination & Destiny
With my futile effort to keep their company wasted, I end up moving away from that place, stranding again, in a mere second, I notice something way too different, on a closer inspection I see a platform, wide and high enough to be outside of the water level, I could even look a damp bonfire remaining, impossible to lit up in this wetness, how many time had pass since last time I see a structure so different; the I realize I have spent days without food, I avoid drinking the bloody water and every time I go to sleep something terrible happens.
I climb up the platform to check the place, I´m standing in a dry land after so long I cannot remember last time I could dry my feet, I seek further I can see, but only a pitch-black darkness is at the vicinity.
The structure I am standing looks more like a crumble rooftop, from a big house or manor, noting useful is there, no clothes, no weapons, nor tools, not being able to find anything of use I was about to leave the place when I start hearing a watery sound, some kind of splashy footstep, the sound slow and tired, a weird language can be heard too; an infernal tough very peculiar than I cannot grasp in my understand. So, I look them, and they saw me for sure, two huge creature bearing white spears and a lot of skinned bodies
I would tried to hide, but there is no time, in my naivety, I thought they could help out, give me some directions if I can communicate with them, I wave my arms to them to make sure they saw me, the creatures start running toward the structure, I knew things were about to change soon, and then I feel it in my gut, diplomacy was not my forte in this place, a spear have just impaled me, fading away unconscious

I wake up again, at the base of the platform, the bonfire is lit in the center of it, my hosts were sleeping safe and soundly, some meat roasting on stick at the bonfire, silently and sneaky as possible I took a piece of meat, the most roasted possible, without any hunger and just because I need to eat something, I end up devouring many pieces, they taste like chicken, everything does when it is not seasoned

I ended up waiting for the ogre-like couple to wake up, admiring their bodies and the shape they have, they were humanoid in build with a long fish-like fin tail; if they have had whiskers they would looks like a catfish with claws and legs instead of fins; very muscular. After a while the slimmest of the two wakes up, I said hi, as calm and friendly as I possibly can to be, smiling like someone watching a long live friend and it doesn´t works.

Quickly the ogre-like beast wakes his friend and everything happened again, I was impaled assassinated and devoured 3 more times before I could make a conversation with them; sort of, they use screams growls and roars to make themselves clear I was not welcomed there anymore, they love the easy food but even for them it was very weird to be killed and not stay dead, so I keep moving on the water but at least I took a bone knife for myself & some roasted meat to munch on the fields; carrying everything in a leather bag bestowed to me in a very despiteful and angry manner from the orcs.

4.-Dissappointed & Dreams
Now feeling more attune now than ever to this weird place I try to make friends, without much success, I met the devilish imps again, now more easygoing around me and very hungry to tell the truth, I offered my meat, the one from my bag I mean, and also my flesh if it is needed; only a handful of them took the offer and follow me around, now I had someone to talk, sort of, they cannot understand me, neither do I; every time I fall sleep my body regenerates, I was not need to be killed to back to normality; only if I had knew that before probably would avoided a couple of painful dead, running towards a lance to make sure to impale yourself in the neck is something I had not planned to do ever again.

Eventually I was set in this continuous cycle of agony dead and rebirth, testing the limits of my body, just to look how much pain I could endure before killing myself to stop the suffering.

One time, I this hellish place I met a different being, more human than anyone else around here, milk white skin, completely spotless, beautiful for any standards; in a common though than I can understand he offered himself to me, telling me they will grant all my wildest carnal wishes to came true, I rejects the offer without any doubt in my heart, telling him how much I dislike the perfection of his unnatural appearances, yes, he or she was beautiful, in a divine liturgic way I dislike that much, his face was featureless, not male nor female, hairless body, slim almost a divine child, a fallen angel indeed, disgusting.

In a rush of rage, the offended creature attack me from behind, I fight back and refuse to going down easily this time, but in the end he use me as he pleased, for days he violate all my cavitates and make me more opens just for his amusement, only because I warn him than I will chop out his tough with my teeth if he dare to kiss me he probably would have doing worst things in my mouth; after that episode with the small remains of my humanity broken not much for the raping but instead the feeling of vulnerability we end up talking about what happened.

He mocks at me, he make sure I understand than I had felt pleasure most of the mortals only dream about, I reply than being stabbed or impaled is not fun at all, and he laugh again in my face, pointing my body was betraying my mind; in the end I tanks him, at least I could talk with someone. His words make me think, maybe this is just a dream, maybe everything is in my mind, a coma like state happened in real world and this is just me trying to figure out some unfinished business of some sort just before finally passing away.

My wishes, my fears, my darkest secrets are here, in the end I said goodbye to him, and he reply giving me a warning in good will.

– You are entering to a dangerous place, The Demons ahead are bigger, stronger, uglier; but they can be pleased, your flesh, your blood, your hate even your lust could save you from being his slave –

Not really believing a word of his warning I leave the place, good advice from an Incubuss, if everything could be fixed by having a sexual intercourse, we should have so much problems at all

5.-Delight & Dementia
I´m Still in the road, the pillars are more widespread now, I can see more structures in the vicinity, like if they were the ruins of a big city, I´m exploring just for fun cause I really don´t have anything else to do, it is said than the important part of a journey is the journey itself not the Goal; well this Journey have become way too long; it must have a purpose a final goal, something I probably had forget long time ago.

From time to time I ended up finding myself against a specter, monsters or amorphous being, I had to fight against them to keep going, but I lost almost all the time, I few I defeated were treated whit kindness, I offered my flesh, blood or love as it suited the best for themselves, lucky for them I cannot hold a grudge or hate for too long; some of them became allies, others just betrayed me to save their skin, turning myself into a offering or sacrifice to a bigger demon, the disappointed I felt was now way more painful than being crunched by the fangs of their bosses, the once I met again after those awful moments laugh at me with the advice to never trust them to begging with, and I agree, but they looks so poorly pitiful than without my help they would have being the dinner instead of me, or at least it is what I told to endure this afterlife

As time passed upon us, I was used, abused and raped periodically, and for the underworld masters delightful and pleasure for the growing crowd of savages demons, I found myself enjoying being the center of the macabre show, I love the unwanted attention, the feeling of being used in front of everyone, either in the coliseum or the ruin palace, I became the main course for the please of many.

For fist time I finally felt comfortable in this place, there is a very thin line between sanity and madness, and looks like I already had pass that phase months ago, or maybe years, impossible to said.

I became a plaything, like a pet or a toy, I could move around whenever I wish, no chains or shackles, everybody was staring at me just to see me trying and fail to scape; I knew scape was not an option, neither I wish to leave the place, but the fun in fled and being chased, killing, or trying to kill everyone in my path was something me and the underworld bosses love to see.

In the end, I found myself on duty, fulfilling carnal favors for the mayors demons, I was in a hedonistic ecstasies; I guess in the end the fallen angel was right.
6.-Dreamoff & Departure
All the Joy, all the bliss, all the suffering I endure day after day was not enough, something was missing, suddenly that thing, that something lacking in my life suddenly appeared; a red blighting orb shows on the horizon; that event make most the bigger demons to hide, rumors about the creatures being thorn to pieces came from all around the hell and the red light orb was the bad omen of doom; the strongest demons, the menacing beast feared this omen that much than many became a scaredy unstable creatures, fear and terror were so common for me than I stop feeling them at all, but for this big guys, my once called lovers and tortures it was just too much to bear.

As for me, the light felt warm, I could feel a lovely sensation coming out from that light even from the far away distance of it; not thinking too much I just run to reach that little red sun, the light was not in the sky it was on the field, maybe I could reach it, just a little bit more, just if…

I arrived and saw him, a huge dire wolf of golden coat, huge as a bear with serpent like red eyes glowing in rage, his hate pierce trough my heart, make me felt pitiful and week, his bare fangs were long and sharp than cannot keep themselves in the mouth; this creature stare at me, I felt the weight of his rage, a wrathful hate.
Then I Remember…

– I’m here; I know i´m late; but I finally found you – I told the beast while tear come out from my eyes.

The creature stare directly onto my eyes and speck out loudly as a thunder
– You, you abandoned me, you forget me, YOU LEFT ME LOCK UP IN THIS DAMN PLACE FOR AEONS AND YOU HOPE THAN I WELCOME YOU WITH OPEN ARMS, LIKE EVERYTHING WAS FORGIVEN?!!? –

In a single move the wolf changes his standing and a cluster of tentacles come out from the ground stabbing me one more time, but I don´t feel pain, my heart is so heavy of felling than physical pain unnoticeable.

Looking like if I was dead the tentacle releases my body falling off flaccid on the ground; I rise again slowly and painfully, asking for forgiveness, I won´t leave him ever again; the wolf look at me as a worthless piece of flesh, he bites off my arm, throwing it away like a piece of garbage; then I knew in my heart.

– Whit all that power; you didn´t go for my head? –
I told him with tear I my eyes and smile; with the remaining strength left on my body I collapse myself on the wolf trying to hug him with only one arm; I the end I whisper in his hear –I miss you too; a lot –

I wake up again, but now I’m on a small dry island with a small lighten bonfire in the middle, like a campsite, my body sems to be intact everything is in his place. But surely the dire wolf has feed upon myself like everyone or worse; I stand up slowly and give him the hug I was craving for so long; with both arms.

Stoic the Majestic Beast speaks with a calm voice
– You killed me; I will always remember it, you were sad, you put me to sleep, and then I felt the piercing straight to the heart; I hear you crying, you told me go home, but I was in home, where else could I went? You left me in a cold and dark place; then I saw the light, a wildfire so intense I could scape, I end up here; I hear you many times telling you will came for me, and I wait but you never show up; I miss you too –

The big bad wolf was just a mere pup left alone in the dark, I could help myself but hug him the tightest I could
I the end, I stand up, stretched my body, and happily told him – well, I am here now and I won´t going to leave you alone never again; so let’s go there is a whole underworld to explore –
as soon I start stepping forward I felt the weight of the Dire wolf in my back, pinned me down the beast smile is a morbid style while laughing in y face – No, here I´m who rules, and you will do as I said whenever I wish –

While looking down at me the magnificent beast shows pride and dominance; I was pinned down and completely overpowered by the wolf, I can only challenge him by words telling an udoubtful – make me –

The Dire wolf change his gaze of pride for a mix of curiosity, amusement, and joy; licking upon his fangs and drooling litters of saliva the big guy full of lust speaks softly
– with pleasure –

Second after we both broke on a maniacal laugh; enjoying every single bit of this madness we are living it

“True love is losing yourself in a hell you will endure”

The End

And then I wake up; in my bed, on my time in the real world, full of happiness, a feeling that I hope it never wore off….

Subconscious is fascinating, it help you to tame you inner demons, also it let you express you deepest wishes, the once you are not even aware you had


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