“Well, at least it’s quieter than heating things up in a microwave on a train.” Barry the Quokka said to himself as he walked through the museum.


Barry, after what happened on the train during Amy Rose’s birthday, had to look for a new job. Luckily for the quokka, he had found an ad in the newspaper that the museum was looking for a night guard specifically for the Egyptian pavilion. The pay was pretty good and the requirements, oddly enough, were minimal. There was one strange rule though, to wear bandages or toilet paper during work.


Barry was thinking about how lucky he was to get it as he walked past the exhibits and momentarily shining his flashlight on some of them. Though the quokka stopped and looked at the most important piece of that exhibit, the sarcophagus that was said to contain the mummified remains of an ancient king.


The thought of being up close to a mummy made Barry sweat with nerves. But then again, he needs the job. “Guess it’s just you and me tonight, mate.” Barry joked to try and relax. “...I need more contact with others.” The quokka sighed and walked away from the sarcophagus to go look at the Egyptian cat statues… not noticing the sarcophagus trembling slightly, slowly opening and letting out the stench of death.


“Kitty, kitty, kitty~” Barry said tenderly to a cat-shaped pot, not suspecting the unpleasant things inside. “Who’s a cute kitty? Who hides real treasures in Egyptian trash cans?” But the quokka’s excitement was cut short when smelly bandages suddenly wrapped around his wrists, waist and forehead. “...Ah…” Barry turned pale, his pupils shrank in fear and he slowly started to turn around. Only to find a skeletal face! “GYAAAHHHHH” Barry screamed as loud as he could and tried to run.


But despite the ruined appearance of the bandages the mummy kept a strong grip on the night guard. The mummy lifted the quokka into the air and began to look him over from head to toe, as if he was searching for something. The mummy seemed to be disgusted with Barry, causing the bandages to completely strip off his uniform.


The color returned to Barry’s face, a deep red from the embarrassment of being reduced to his Thomas the Train underoos. He would soon forget the embarrassment, though. “EEEEEKK!” The quokka squealed as his underwear rode up with supernatural force over his rear. “How does a mummy know how to give wedgies!?” Was the last thing Barry could say before the underwear was pulled over his head and covered his face, muffling his screams. “MHPM! MMHP! MEHHMP!”


But the mummy wouldn’t settle for a simple atomic wedgie. He continued to stretch Barry’s underoos in drastic ways until they were almost completely enveloping the quokka. Barry was mummified and put on display as the dorkiest mummy in the place and he would stay that way until the next day. Barry was sure to get some harsh words from his boss.


Meanwhile the mummy picked up the uniform and dressed himself in that and then threw away some old bandages. Even a dead man wants to ‘wear’ something fresh every now and then.