Welcome Home
by Winter

Chapter 15:

"A party?"

The surprise made Terry sit up, forgetting for a second that he was in the pool. He wobbled on his air mattress, then fell off with a splash. As he re-surfaced, sputtering water, it was to the sound of laughter. Snarling, he tried to dunk his sister, but Tanya easily avoided him. Instead he swam back to the mattress and climbed up, settling down with his arms crossed over his chest, giving her such an exaggerated pout that she only laughed more.

"Aww, don't be such a sour-puss," she teased. "You just looked funny, that's all."

"Hmph!"

"And yeah, we're thinking about throwing a party for you. Me and aunt Jean."

"But it's not my birthday or anything."

"No, but you've come home to stay. Isn't that enough reason for a party?"

"I guess so..."

He sank back onto the mattress with a sigh, and nearly fell off again. For a moment or two he lay still, staring at the fluffy white clouds that passed across the bright morning sky. Then a slim hand touched his shoulder, found its way down his chest and turned into a tummy rub. He sighed again, but then his right leg started twitching involuntarily, and he promptly fell into the chilly water. Tanya didn't laugh this time as he came up gasping for air, but took him into her arms and held him to her chest. He was grateful that she didn't say anything, but he could also feel that the silence was about to turn awkward. As soon as Tanya had put him down on the edge of the pool, he took a deep breath.

"But... who's gonna come? I don't know anybody." His voice was thin, little more than a whisper, even though he tried his best to make it more firm. "I really... I really don' wanna be around a lot of strange people."

"They won't be strangers, sweetie. There's a lot of people who used to know you, and who'll want to meet you again."

"Yeah, but I won't know them. Tanya, I'm not very good with new people."

"You didn't mind meeting bubbly Susie." She grinned, and Terry couldn't help but giggle. "Even though she almost squashed you."

"I guess so. She was nice. And our mail lady."

"Annah, yeah. They might be there. And you know Josh and his family, of course."

"Yeah, but still..."

"All right." She grabbed the edge of the pool and lifted herself up to sit next to him. He leaned against her side, his head resting on her shoulder. "Maybe we should wait a while. Let you settle in properly. It's just been a few days, after all."

"I'm sorry, Tanya."

"Don't be. Everything's gonna be fine, you'll see."

"I really don't wanna be such a fuss."

"You're not a fuss, baby." Tanya turned to face him, lifting his chin until their eyes met. She was smiling, and he gave her a lopsided grin in return. "That's better. You know, it's a good thing you say stop. I know I can kind of run away with things."

"I didn't mean..."

"No, really, Terry. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. Let's wait a while, okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"No problem. And you know what? When we do have the party, we could invite a couple of your city friends. What do you think?"

"We can?" His face lit up at once when she nodded. "Cool! They're gonna freak when they see the game room! And this huge house! An' our forest, with the creek and all!"

"Whoa, maybe it's your turn to slow down, Terry."

"No way!" He got up and ran out onto the lawn, then back to the pool, squealing with joy. Then he thought of something, and halted. "Uhm, Tanya?"

"Yes?"

"Do we got internet here? I promised I'd keep in touch, but I kind of forgot..."

"This ain't the outbacks, kid," she growled, making him giggle. "'Course we got that inter-thing. You saw the workroom, right?"

"Uh-huh."

"I'll show you how to get online after breakfast." As if on cue, Terry's stomach growled, making them both laugh. "Guess our morning swim's over."

* * * * * *

Tanya left her baby brother at the computer, after telling him mock-sternly not to surf for porn. Something that made the boy giggle and squirm and blush all at the same time, but he did promise to behave. She thought about returning to her book, but with a sigh she decided that it was better to get her chores out of the way first. The door to the underground garage opened with its usual electric hum, and soon she drove up the ramp on her father's ride-on lawnmower. The downside of having a large property, she thought as she started the first of many slow, dull passes across the back yard.

When the job was about halfway done she noticed, as she turned around and drove towards the house, a small red-and-white furred figure sitting on a bench just beside the flowerbeds. Terry was watching her, but as she got closer she saw that his large green eyes weren't really focused. He seemed a million miles away, and when she saw the streaks of dried tears in his fur she stopped the lawnmower and shut the engine off. As if on cue, Terry got up and walked towards her.

"Wow, this thing's really cool."

"Maybe. But it gets boring after about a few hundred times." He laughed softly. "Wanna learn how to drive it?"

"Me!?" Terry all but shrieked. "But I'm too little..."

"Not if I'm with you. Hop on."

Over the next couple of hours, the two of them had lots of fun as Terry learned how to drive the lawnmower. It was a wobbly start, and they had to make several passes over the same spot of lawn to get it properly cut. But he soon learned to keep his hands mostly still on the steering wheel, to avoid swaying. After a little while he even managed to make the turns almost perfectly. Tanya took over towards the end, when she had to manoeuvre around a couple of trees and benches, then she showed him how to empty the cut grass bags, and they helped each other carry it all over to the compost heap. They had even more fun hosing the lawnmower clean. Terry, who was only wearing a pair of cut-off denim shorts, took every chance to get in the way of the water beam, screaming happily as he got doused.

After a quick shared shower, Tanya grilled them hamburgers for lunch, and before long the were back where they had started the day. In the pool. Terry lay floating on the air mattress, while Tanya sat on the stairs leading into the shallow end, leaning back and enjoying the cool water. It had turned out to be a very hot day. She had brought with her a pitcher of mango juice, and she was sipping from her glass when the patio buzzer went off. With a yelp, Terry fell into the water, and Tanya got up to answer while he swam to the edge, coughing.

"There's one of those things out here, too?"

"Yeah. We want to know if somebody's at the gate, don't we?" She opened a panel in the wall and turned on a small monitor, which showed the top of a grey-brown wolf head that was moving from side to side as the boy shifted from foot to foot. Smiling to herself, she pressed a button and spoke into a microphone. "Just a sec, Josh, I'll let you in. We're out back, at the pool."

"Wait!" Terry squealed. "We gotta get dressed!"

"Don't worry, baby, Josh knows about the dress code for the pool. He's been here lots of times."

"You mean that... eep!" The buzzer went off again as Tanya unlocked the gate. "I hate that!"

"Sorry." She slipped back into the water and picked up her glass, taking another sip of juice. "But what were you saying?"

"You mean you've been swimming naked with Josh?" He frowned, and pouted his lips in a way that almost made Tanya laugh out loud. "Lots an' lots of times?"

"Yes, Terry, lots of times. But you don't have to be jealous."

"Am not!"

"Terry..." She swam over to where he was sitting on the edge of the pool, and gave him a hug. "Terry, I never even kissed him, you know."

With that, she pressed her lips against Terry's, and when he opened his mouth to answer she slid her tongue quickly over his. It had just the effect she wanted, as he let out a sigh and his whole body relaxed. They only kissed for a couple of seconds, but it was enough. When they broke apart he was smiling happily at her. Grinning, she pulled his awakened erection down and let it slap against his stomach.

"Better get into the water, baby. Josh will be here in a couple of seconds."

"You girls have it easy," he muttered as he took her advice. "Sometimes boners can be a pain."

"Or a pleasure," she whispered just as Josh ran around the corner, waving at them. "Right?"

Terry sank deeper into the water, blushing furiously. He glanced over at Tanya, who was still standing up with her entire upper body above water, almost willing her to hide. Josh didn't even seem to see that her breasts were on full display, though, as he simply tossed off his shorts and dived in. Terry had barely enough time to get a good look at him, and to notice with some surprise that Josh had no sheath like him. Instead, the wolf boy's penis just hung down over his sac. Terry had seen boys of both kind in school or communal baths back in the city, but somehow he had imagined that Josh would look like him. After swimming almost half the length of the pool under water, the wolf boy came up sputtering, shaking water out of his hair, and Terry managed to blink away his musings.

"Oh, that was good!" he squealed. "But man, this foaming pool is cold!"

"Language, dear," Tanya scolded with a laugh, making a passable imitation of aunt Jean. "What would your mother say if she heard you?"

"She'd pinch my ear and ground me, that's what." The wolf boy swam over to Terry, grinning widely. "Hiya, Ter, sorry I didn't come over earlier, but mom sent me and Jeff out to do some shopping. That took all morning. So, what have you been doin', huh? Just swimming all day?"

"Well," Terry managed as Josh's chatter paused while he took a breath. "Tanya taught me how to drive that lawn thing. It was pretty cool."

"No way!" He looked over at Tanya, who confirmed her brother's words with a nod. "You're so lucky! I'm not even allowed to go near the lawn when mom or dad drives ours. And not even Jeff can use it on his own."

"I didn't drive on my own," Terry said, blushing slightly from the wolf boy's admiring looks. "I was kinda sitting in Tanya's lap. But it was still cool. I could even make the turns after a while."

"Wow..."

"An' after that we've been swimming."

"Cool. Wanna race?"

"You're on!"

Tanya watched as the two boys took off towards the deep end of the pool. It felt good, she thought, to see that Josh's casual attitude to skinny-dipping was making Terry lose some of his shyness. That first awkward nervousness seemed almost gone already. They reached the other end neck-to-neck, but Terry beat his friend on the way back. When he got to Tanya he stood up, the water just about reaching his armpits, and he pumped his fists into the air, yelling out his triumph. A much more subdued Josh arrived a few seconds later.

"Yeah! I won!"

"I let you win, for old times' sake," Josh muttered, but he couldn't hide the grin that soon took over his face completely. "How did you get so good? I thought I was pretty decent."

"I used to swim on the school team," Terry explained with a glimmer of pride in his eyes that Tanya found adorable. "I wasn't the best, but I've been in some meets."

"Any medals?"

"I was third in the inter-school race-off for my grade last two years, on the fifty metres. And I was fifth last year on the one hundred."

"Wow, that's cool!" both Josh and Tanya said, then Tanya continued. "Your school's got a swim team, Josh, right?"

"Yeah! I'm in it, and I'm pretty good. Terry's gonna slay 'em!"

"I'm gonna go to Josh's school?" Terry looked up at Tanya, making such a happy face that she couldn't help laughing as she nodded. "Really? That's great!"

"You bet it is," Josh chimed in, then suddenly he took off towards the deep end. "Race ya again!"

Terry yelled out something about cheating, but joined the race anyway. This time they returned at the same time, despite the wolf boy's head start, and Tanya found herself impressed with her baby brother. She declared the race a draw, and after some wrestling and arguing the boys agreed.

There were no more races that afternoon. Instead Tanya got up and fetched them a ball. She caught Terry eyeing her cautiously while she walked over to the pool shed, but he soon relaxed when he saw that Josh didn't care that she was naked. They spent the next hour playing a two-on-one game of water polo, where Tanya's speed and wide reach almost won out over the boys being able to pass the ball around her. Maybe she could have beat them if she had put her whole heart into it, but their happy giggles more than made up for losing. So did their impromptu victory dance up on the patio. As she had told Terry, Tanya really did think that Josh was cute, but her eyes kept being drawn to her baby brother. He was so beautiful, she thought. Now that he was all smiles and laughter he was even more radiant, and she felt her heart swell with love for him. He seemed to have come such a long way from the sad, half scared little kit who had arrived in a taxi at the gates.

After they had dried off and got dressed, the boys and the ball disappeared out onto the freshly cut lawn, while Tanya got  dressed and brought out the watering can. Her flower beds were all dry from the scorching sun, and she gave them a thorough soaking. Just a little while later, the soccer game seemed to come to a halt, and she heard the patio door open. When the boys came out again they had put shorts on, and they were sipping tall glasses of lemonade. Tanya gratefully accepted a glass that Terry had brought for her, and they sat by the flowerbeds for a couple of minutes, drinking and talking about nothing special. Just spending some time together. Then Terry and Josh ran back inside with the empty glasses, while Tanya watered the last of the flowers.

Neither boy seemed eager to resume playing soccer when they came out again, and she heard them talk about what to do next, without finding anything that really interested them. Time to show them the dangers of being bored boys in the summertime. She walked up between them and laid an arm over each boy's shoulder, then she dragged them towards the shed.

"If you guys can't think of anything to do, I've got a great game for you called edging."

As she had thought, Josh immediately tried to squirm his way out of her grip, so she tightened it until he gave up struggling. Terry, on the other hand, followed her with a curious and interested look in his face. Poor boy, she thought, but he would soon learn. From the shed she handed each of them an electric trimmer, and showed Terry how to hold it and how to start it. The first time he pressed the handle to start the buzz of the rotating clipper, he almost dropped it as it startled him, but one sheepish grin later he knew what to expect.

"Make sure you trim everywhere the lawnmower didn't reach," she told them. "And Terry, don't cut any flowers, okay? Just grass."

"How come you don't tell him that?" Terry pouted. "As if I'm the only stupid one."

"Baby, you know that's not true." She sank down to her knees and looked him in the eyes. "You're not stupid. But Josh has edged before, right?"

"Yup," Josh said, nodding. "I do it all the time, back home."

"So you show Terry how it's done, and you both be careful, okay?" They nodded. "Good. When you're done, rake up the cuttings and put them on the compost heap."

"How come we can't put it in the garbage can?" Terry asked. "Why do we have to use that compost-thing?"

"Because everything we put on there will soon turn into dirt. Dirt that will help the flowers and the herbs grow."

"Oh. Okay."

She could see that he didn't fully understand, city boy that he was, but he accepted her words with a shrug. After a couple of lessons and demonstrations from Josh, the two of them got started. Tanya watched how Terry neatly trimmed the edge of the lawn against the house, and she smiled to herself. At least he's a fast learner, she thought. By the end of summer, there wouldn't be anything left that he didn't know about living in the suburbs. A look at the shadows told her that it was coming up on five o'clock, so she went inside to see what she could make them for dinner. A quick phone call to aunt Jean made sure that Josh could stay for dinner, then she started rummaging through the freezer. Chicken, she decided as she found some nice chicken breasts. Grilled chicken. Listening to the buzz of the trimmers outside, she picked out the makings of a tomato salsa.

* * * * * *

After saying goodbye and good night to a well-fed wolf boy, Terry and Tanya went into the living room and turned on the TV. Tanya found a sitcom that they both agreed on, and they watched it pretty much in silence. While she enjoyed hearing her baby brother chuckle from time to time, Tanya got the feeling that there was something distant about him. As if his entire mind wasn't present. She remembered the streaks of tears she had seen before, but decided not to say anything. If he wanted to talk, he knew she was always ready to listen. Right? Or would he keep things in? When the show ended, so did his smile, and the silence between them soon grew uncomfortable while they surfed the channels without finding anything that interested either of them. She decided to break it, but in the lightest way possible.

"So, did you have any mails from your friends?" As soon as she said it, she knew that she had failed miserably at keeping things light. Terry nodded, but instead of brightening his gloomy mood, the question brought out a look of distress on his face. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"I miss... I miss them so much." His voice broke a little as he spoke. "I miss them, and I miss home, and I miss mom. I miss her so much it hurts."

"Oh, sweetie, come here." Tanya opened her arms, and he slipped into her lap, pressing his face against the nape of her neck. She could feel that he was fighting back sobs, and she stroked his back, hoping to comfort. "It might be better to let it all out, you know. I'm not gonna berate you for being sad."

"But it seems all I do is cry," he muttered into her soft neck fur. "I'm like some emotion freak or something. It just feels so wrong."

"What does?"

"Nothing. Everything." He paused for a few seconds. "Me."

"There's nothing wrong with you, baby." There was a long silence, and after a little while Tanya could feel that her fur was getting wet. She gently eased Terry back, but he avoided her eyes. The pained expression on his face made her heart ache. "Terry, there's nothing wrong with you, do you hear? Nothing at all."

"But it must be!" he cried, his tears flowing openly now. "I've... I've been so happy, ever since I got here. But... my mom... How can I be happy when she's gone? And how can I be sad when I'm back with you, and when I got Josh back? I don't know what to feel, and it's... it's tearing me apart."

She took him back into her arms and held him as he cried, feeling tears well up in her own eyes as she stroked those thin, heaving shoulders. Pangs of guilt stabbed at her from every angle. She had been so happy to see him come home, to finally have her beloved baby brother with her again, that she hadn't given enough thought to how he must feel inside. True, she had comforted him when he felt sad, and she had done whatever she could to keep him happy, but she hadn't reflected much on what kinds of inner turmoil that might bring. And on top of everything was the sexual relationship they had entered. Had it been too much, too soon? Had she let her own wishes and lust and love and desires get in the way of what was best for the boy? This last thought cut the deepest, and it hurt so bad she had to fight back a gasp.

"Terry, I... I don't know what to say, or what to do. I want to make you feel better, but I don't know how."

"Me neither," he sobbed. "Maybe... maybe I just... I don't know... need some time. To get used to things."

"There's nothing wrong with missing mom, or your friends. Nothing wrong at all. But that doesn't mean you can't be happy, too."

"But when I'm happy it feels like, like I'm not thinking about her enough. And when I'm sad it feels like..." He sighed, and leaned back to meet Tanya's eyes again. "It feels like I'm not appreciating everything I've been given."

"I know it's hard, baby. I want to make you happy, but I don't want to press you into being happy all the time. Nobody can be. And when you do get sad, I wanna be here for you."

"You are." He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "I love you, Tanya."

"I love you too, baby. But I want you to promise me something." He looked at her and tilted his head quizzically. "I want you to promise that you always talk to me if you feel that something is wrong. Anything. Even if it's me."

"B-but you've done nothing wrong! It's just me being stupid again."

"You're not stupid, Terry. You're a smart boy, you're just hurting right now. There's nothing stupid about that."

"Bobby's wrote to me every day," he said suddenly. Tanya couldn't understand why he changed the subject, but she let it happen. "Sometimes he asks how I'm doing, and sometimes he just writes silly stuff, like if it's raining at his place. Or what colour his sister's hair is that day."

"Sounds like a funny guy. And a good friend."

"Yeah, he is." Terry smiled, but it faded quickly. "He also writes that he misses me."

"Of course he does. But it's not as if you'll never see each other again."

"You mean like when mom took me away from you and Josh? And dad?"

"Yes. No. I mean..." Tanya wished that she could have bitten her tongue off, as the pain returned to Terry's face. Pain she desperately didn't want to see there. "I mean, he can always come and visit us. Or we can go see him."

"I don't think I wanna go back there. I miss the place, but..." A fresh tear rolled down his cheek, and he wiped it away angrily with the back of his hand. "And now I'm crying again, dammit!"

"Baby, maybe..." She struggled to find the right words, and had to start over. "I seem to say the wrong things all the time. Maybe you should talk to someone else, someone who understands things like this."

"Like who?"

"I don't know, some kind of counsellor, maybe."

"You mean a psychiatrist?"

"Not necessarily, it could be..."

"I'm not crazy!" he suddenly yelled, getting to his feet so fast that he almost knocked her over. For the first time since he came home to her, she could see anger in his eyes. Real, almost frighteningly fierce anger. "I'm not!"

"Terry, I didn't mean..."

"She always said I was crazy, but I never was! It was never me! And now you're saying it, too!" He turned away and walked out of the room. "Fuck this! Fuck it all! I'm going to bed!"

Tanya sat still on the couch for a couple of minutes while she heard him stomp up the stairs. Going to his room, not to hers. What just happened? She shook her head to try and get out of the shocked stupor, to run after him and make everything all right again. But it was as if she couldn't move. Once more, she had said exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time. She pounded her hand against her forehead, cursing her stupidity, cursing her failure.

After a while she forced herself to get up and to walk up the stairs. His door was closed, and there was no answer when she tapped it lightly. She opened it anyway, and found the lights turned off. It wasn't very dark outside, so she had no problem seeing the shape of her brother underneath his blankets. She walked up to his bed and sat down. Judging by his shallow, slightly ragged breathing, he was awake, but pretending to be asleep. It was a rejection as good as any, so she got up, sighing deeply. In the doorway, she paused and turned back.

"I love you, Terry. I've always loved you, and I always will. I just wanna try to do what's best for you."

There was no answer.

* * * * * *

That night, Tanya slept poorly. She woke up from time to time, her body drenched in sweat and her pillow wet with tears. In her dreams she was alone again, alone forever. Stuck in a world where there was no Terry, where he had turned away from her for good. Where she had watched him walk out through the gate, never to return. And her waking moments were haunted by that last, almost final silence as she left his room. What would she do if he hated her now? If he...

If he wanted...

If he wanted to leave?

She watched Mr Cuddles, who sat leaning against the pillow that had been Terry's. That is Terry's, she corrected herself. She couldn't tell if the teddy bear looked forlorn or if he looked accusatory. In the end she picked him up, and hugged him to her chest while fresh tears flowed down her muzzle and into his fake fur. It was almost dawn when she finally fell into an exhausted, dreamless sleep, and she didn't hear the soft patter of naked feet down the stairs. Nor did she see the small face that peered in through her bedroom door, then vanished again.

To be continued