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"thumbnail_url_large_noncustom": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/823/823601_Looq_self_critique_noncustom.jpg", "thumbnail_url_medium_noncustom": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/823/823601_Looq_self_critique_noncustom.jpg", "thumb_medium_noncustom_x": "120", "thumb_medium_noncustom_y": "75", "thumb_large_noncustom_x": "200", "thumb_large_noncustom_y": "125", "thumb_huge_noncustom_x": "300", "thumb_huge_noncustom_y": "188" } ], "pools": [], "description": "I felt like I needed to do this just to get something down. There's always been something about that \"then\" period that I really loved. Sure, it's easy to get down the numerical stuff. But it's a lil tougher to nail down those squirmy emotional things, but totally worth it. I really just wanted to whittle down the real differences in what I was doing compared to now and figure out why I feel so crappy about my art.\n\nUsually, I'm a very nostalgic person, but that's never applied to my art really. Not until I found things worth drawing about that mattered to me. Whenever I started to turn away from those things, that's when I started to get stuck in a rut. The river turned into tar. Ideas that usually bombared me every day turned into something rare and only once in a while. I held back parts of myself, and in turn it began to cripple my art. I know.. \"yeah right, it looks fine. What's the problem?\". The problem isn't with how it looks, but where it's coming from and how it feels. And that affects how it \"looks\". \n\nIn furry, it's easy to express the kinky parts of yourself. It's simple. I know i'll get bitched at by some crazy loony for drawing scat or vomit, but that's the same thing as \"if i slap a horse on the ass it most likely will run away\". It's just an accepted and known risk. But if I start drawing things I really care about, stuff that matters to me and then someone bitches me out....I'd probably become so unglued on them...I don't even know. But back \"then\" (2008-2010), I did come unglued quite a lot! The wierdest part is that afterwords, I felt totally fine. I cried more, I talked about all sorts of things. I tried making more friends too. I cubbed out a lot. But all of that was teaching me to put my emotions out there no matter what they might be. Angry? let's draw about it! Sad? Let's make the saddest drawing ever!! Yiffy? Let the cum fly! Whatever it was, there was always a place for it to find expression, to get it out there somehow, not only in art. \n\nBut these past few years I've just felt kind of numb. I think it's because I haven't given myself a lot of privacy. You know how you feel like you have to be a certain person around your parents? Yeah, I got that. Every single day now. Then I stream and I do have fun, but at the same time I know it's not like being alone. I get the irony: \"here's a guy who gets lonely complaining about not being alone!\". Well, that's pretty easy to explain: introversion. Heh, I like people in certain \"doses\". Too much ain't good, neither is too little. I still have to find that balance somehow. It's difficult to take \"emotional risks\" when you have an audience right there :P I won't produce the same kinds of things around other people that I would lost in my own ideas.\n\nThe whole \"going back\" campaign is making me look at things I've been blind to. I feel pretty crummy about it, but then...the only way to really get better is to take an honest look at yourself, flaws and all, and just admit what really needs fixing. So this is me figuring out what i need to do. \n\nCan't wait to start drawing a lotta stuff no furries are gonna care about! ^^ lol!! Oh but I'll care, I'll care a lot! *wicked smile*\nhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GnGwlBRe7w\n\n(oops! I thought this was a journal :P oh well!)\n", "description_bbcode_parsed": "I felt like I needed to do this just to get something down. There's always been something about that "then" period that I really loved. Sure, it's easy to get down the numerical stuff. But it's a lil tougher to nail down those squirmy emotional things, but totally worth it. I really just wanted to whittle down the real differences in what I was doing compared to now and figure out why I feel so crappy about my art.

Usually, I'm a very nostalgic person, but that's never applied to my art really. Not until I found things worth drawing about that mattered to me. Whenever I started to turn away from those things, that's when I started to get stuck in a rut. The river turned into tar. Ideas that usually bombared me every day turned into something rare and only once in a while. I held back parts of myself, and in turn it began to cripple my art.  I know.. "yeah right, it looks fine. What's the problem?". The problem isn't with how it looks, but where it's coming from and how it feels. And that affects how it "looks".

In furry, it's easy to express the kinky parts of yourself. It's simple. I know i'll get bitched at by some crazy loony for drawing scat or vomit, but that's the same thing as "if i slap a horse on the ass it most likely will run away". It's just an accepted and known risk. But if I start drawing things I really care about, stuff that matters to me and then someone bitches me out....I'd probably become so unglued on them...I don't even know. But back "then" (2008-2010), I did come unglued quite a lot! The wierdest part is that afterwords, I felt totally fine. I cried more, I talked about all sorts of things. I tried making more friends too. I cubbed out a lot. But all of that was teaching me to put my emotions out there no matter what they might be. Angry? let's draw about it! Sad? Let's make the saddest drawing ever!! Yiffy? Let the cum fly! Whatever it was, there was always a place for it to find expression, to get it out there somehow, not only in art.  

But these past few years I've just felt kind of numb. I think it's because I haven't given myself a lot of privacy. You know how you feel like you have to be a certain person around your parents? Yeah, I got that. Every single day now. Then I stream and I do have fun, but at the same time I know it's not like being alone. I get the irony: "here's a guy who gets lonely complaining about not being alone!". Well, that's pretty easy to explain: introversion. Heh, I like people in certain "doses". Too much ain't good, neither is too little. I still have to find that balance somehow. It's difficult to take "emotional risks" when you have an audience right there :P I won't produce the same kinds of things around other people that I would lost in my own ideas.

The whole "going back" campaign is making me look at things I've been blind to. I feel pretty crummy about it, but then...the only way to really get better is to take an honest look at yourself, flaws and all, and just admit what really needs fixing. So this is me figuring out what i need to do.

Can't wait to start drawing a lotta stuff no furries are gonna care about! ^^ lol!!  Oh but I'll care, I'll care a lot! *wicked smile*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GnGwlBRe7w

(oops! I thought this was a journal :P oh well!)
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