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series!\n","count":"15","submission_left_submission_id":"1349459","submission_left_file_name":"1896773_VoidShark_qwuedeviv_crew_52cha_tter9.doc","submission_left_thumbnail_url_huge":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/huge/1896/1896773_VoidShark_qwuedeviv_crew_52cha_tter9.jpg","submission_left_thumbnail_url_large":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/1896/1896773_VoidShark_qwuedeviv_crew_52cha_tter9.jpg","submission_left_thumbnail_url_medium":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/1896/1896773_VoidShark_qwuedeviv_crew_52cha_tter9.jpg","submission_left_thumb_huge_x":"183","submission_left_thumb_huge_y":"300","submission_left_thumb_large_x":"122","submission_left_thumb_large_y":"200","submission_left_thumb_medium_x":"73","submission_left_thumb_medium_y":"120","submission_right_submission_id":"1358975","submission_right_file_name":"1911351_VoidShark_coverartfor_qwuedevivvs.png","submission_right_thumbnail_url_huge_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/1911/1911351_VoidShark_coverartfor_qwuedevivvs.jpg","submission_right_thumbnail_url_large_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/1911/1911351_VoidShark_coverartfor_qwuedevivvs_noncustom.jpg","submission_right_thumbnail_url_medium_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/1911/1911351_VoidShark_coverartfor_qwuedevivvs_noncustom.jpg","submission_right_thumb_medium_noncustom_x":"73","submission_right_thumb_medium_noncustom_y":"120","submission_right_thumb_large_noncustom_x":"122","submission_right_thumb_large_noncustom_y":"200","submission_right_thumb_huge_noncustom_x":"183","submission_right_thumb_huge_noncustom_y":"300"}],"description":"I don't want to reformat all of these so it's gonna be minus some formatting. >,> This is the rough draft version too I believe, but it's better than nothing. XP You can buy it on amazon too if you're interested in doing that. Has a Paperback and a Kindle form.\n\n[u]Available in Paperback or Kindle:[/u]\n http://a.co/1E7gNz8\n","description_bbcode_parsed":"I don't want to reformat all of these so it's gonna be minus some formatting. >,> This is the rough draft version too I believe, but it's better than nothing. XP You can buy it on amazon too if you're interested in doing that. Has a Paperback and a Kindle form.
Available in Paperback or Kindle:
http://a.co/1E7gNz8
","writing":"Qwuedeviv Crew 52: Mr. Smith is an Ideal Athlete\n\n “Kitty? Here kitty, kitty.”\n\n My ears perked up but I was still face down on the pillow in my favorite cardboard box. \n\n “Kitty.” I heard again. \n\n I grumbled and pushed myself up partially. Cedric hadn’t quite picked up on the fact I wasn’t exactly the same as their Earth cats. Oh well, another day.\n\n I crawled out of my bed. Command Center and such didn’t seem fully coherent yet so I had to rely on my own knowledge. I navigated through the door and blinked a few times to get my Visual Scanners working—eyes that is. Or well that is the closest thing I can relate my high tech properties to. A doctor would call them the same exact thing but how boring is that?\n\n “Right here.” I commented and waited to hear him again.\n\n “Oh, there you are.” He appeared from behind and picked me up before I could protest. “How you feeling today, Kitty?”\n\n “It’s Smiley.” I grumbled and batted at his hand when he tried to pet my head. “And I’m fine.”\n\n “Great.” He set me down and patted my head.\n\n I glared at him. He didn’t seem to be paying attention though. He probably wanted to tell me he was going to work. That meant I had already overslept. Ever since I’d gotten to this pathetic planet I’d had this sleeping issue. I slept a lot, but then come to think of it, I had had that problem back home too. Guess it wasn’t the planet and perhaps just my—nevermind that. \n\n “Kitty?”\n\nOh, Cedric was still standing there—weird creature.\n\n “You sure you’re alright?”\n\n “Fantastic.” I replied. \n\n He gave a half nod. “Well then, I better go to work. Breakfast is on the table.”\n\n “Yes.” I answered, blinked and looked up again. “Have a great day.” \n\n Cedric gave me a second glance and nodded. \n\n I waited until I heard the click of the front door and his car pulling out. Now it was my turn. \n\n You probably thought today’s mission involved cacti, didn’t you? Sorry to disappoint you, but no. I had only gathered the information to know how to deal with them just in case they decided to launch a counter attack. I had decided Earth didn’t look so intimidating anymore and today I would venture out and see it for myself. I wasn’t gonna sit around a house for the rest of my life. Anyway, after adjusting my uniform and pulling the hood up, I headed out into the unknown.\n\n Cedric’s neighborhood had seemed equally as boring as he was from my time peering out of the windows. Upon leaving the front steps my opinion hadn’t changed. The lawn monster was dormant for the time being but I still crept by with care not to wake it. Cedric insisted it was merely a ‘sprinkler’ for watering the grass. I wasn’t sure I believed that. \n\n For the first time in quite a while I left the front gate—Cedric had left it unlocked so I didn’t have to crawl over the top or under the bottom. The point being it was a lot more pleasant this time around. \n\n So after I got out of the place I headed down the street. I had done that once before when I had first arrived here but really didn’t remember many of the details. That was fine with me though, made it more scenic and such. \n\n Now my whole objective today was classified. A lot of my life is classified as you may have noticed. This tends to happen when you are a significant figure. However the important part of today was that I knew what my objective was.\n\n I made a few turns here or there and trailed along pretty empty roads—this was all good for me because I wasn’t supposed to be seen by the enemy. Many of you might wonder why I was out there then. Night would have seemed like a better time to travel. Yes. To a common Earthian’s brain, it would seem that way, but trust me, that was not the case or I would have done so. You don’t need to question my judgment. This was what I had been trained for.\n\n After a few more roads I came across a dilemma. There were actually more frequent Earthian sightings. Some were driving Earth vehicles and others simply walked. This would have intimidated a lesser Qwuedeviv into retreat. Not me. \n\n Whenever an Earthian would get near me I could hear it. So when I began hearing it I would just dart towards the nearest hiding spot. It took a little longer this way than if I had just been prancing along, but as Commander Easy Cheese would say. Wars aren’t won without lunch. Words to live your life by those are.\n\n After I made it through the more cityish portion of the Earthian grounds, I came across a most peculiar place. It was all fenced off from the rest of the Earthian camp. The space was decent sized but I could see the end where the fencing started making a giant loop. Closer to where I was at, there was a set of structures. \n\n It all appeared to be made from processed native tree as opposed to a more efficient material. The structures themselves had no evident purpose from my observation—nothing beyond holding in place a slab of plastic that was connected to it by two ropes. \n\n On said plastic piece sat an Earthian kit. It squealed in either terror or joy—I wasn’t sure which—as its parental unit pushed the roped plastic. Perhaps it was an Earthian training exercise; it was a bit hard for me to figure out without the expertise knowledge of Cheeseburger. Oh—that’s our weapons developer/mechanic/guy-who-builds-and-fixes-stuff-when-we-whine-enough for the record. \n\n I crouched behind a fallen tree that had been abandoned beyond the camp. Observing these creatures could prove useful to Headquarters later on. It was partially my responsibility to see to it since the rest of my crew was currently MIA—Missing in Action.\n\n Around the Earthian kit and parental unit were several other structures. There was a horizontal ladder that was suspended in the air by two sets of pillars on either end—not sure how that would help very much. Then there was a ladder leading to the top of a plastic thing. The purpose of the exercise was unclear as well. The kit would climb to the top, slide down with a squeal and repeat the process. Strange.\n\n I made an intentional effort to avoid the kit and parent and rounded the curve of a big pond that was beyond the Earthian kit’s playground. Just beyond my current location, a cluster of Earth trees welcomed me to the protection of their cover. I wasn’t too familiar with Earth plants, but they were darkish green and needly. Since they provided more cover and possibly more interesting things to look at, I headed that way.\n\n I wove back and forth between the trees, making only the occasional stop to pounce upon a pitiful seedling. The ground beneath the Earth trees crunched like cereal as I walked on it. I could go for some of that at the moment. In fact, I hadn’t really considered bringing any food along with me. Now it sounded like a much better idea. Oh well, couldn’t do much about that.\n\n Eventually I reached the edge of the Earthian deep forest. I forgot to mention earlier but it was totally a treacherous journey and I came close to dying at least nine times. Savage aliens attacked once and another time the plants came alive and tried to swallow me whole. No joke. My superior, invaderly skills saved me though and now I was ready to face my next obstacle.\n\n Prepare yourself for this; it may come as a shock. It could cause your heart to beat too many miles per hour and then you wouldn’t have good fuel economy or something like that. Anyway, getting back to the topic at paw if you don’t mind the risk of needing to pay a few extra dollars for fuel, I had just stumbled across a top secret Earthian base. \n\n Orangish-yellow battle buses were all aligned in their vehicle hangar—obviously a primitive model but none the less dangerous. They likely contained elite troops that all civilizations feared. That is why HQ chose someone as qualified as myself after all. Anyway the orange battle buses and so forth were all aligned and so forthly forthingly...forth. \n\n It was time for an investigation. I scanned the area with my high-tech Visual Scanners and attuned Ear Radar to pick up all frequencies. All checked out clear. It was time to move in and get a closer look. My ears lowered against my head in preparation of Sneak Mode as I lowered into a crouch. Keeping my tail just from brushing the ground I crept closer. \n\n The super-secret base was a surprisingly boring building. It had “School” written in large print along with a giant name that was probably known only by the coders of Earthian language—which is called Earthanese by the way. I know all these things. \n\n The building itself had a lot of papers posted in windows and on plastic covered boards. Most of it seemed to be indicating proper behavior of Earth kits with little visual graphs of horrible things like sharing and taking turns. \n\n I hurried on before the brainwashing techniques could permanently damage my mind. In fact I was in such a deep, mental struggle that I didn’t notice I had run straight into danger. I should have suspected that the Earthians would pull such trickery on an innocent cat. They couldn’t be trusted. \n\n Just on the other side of the building was a field of caged kits. They squealed and pranced about in a horrifying display of total lack of control. It was a mad house there. Kits were kicking at sand in a giant box, others kicked at a ball that other kits wailed and chased after. Everywhere I looked there was another Earthian kit doing something. \n\n Turns out I had been mistaken. It wasn’t a secret base at all—it was Earthian Kitten Training Grounds! Earthians try and be sneaky by calling it school. \n\n In the midst of my horror and realization of the terrors that might befall my luxurious pelt if such a grubby handed little beast was to grab hold of me, one of the previously mentioned beasts had managed to breach our first line of defense and had positioned itself right along the—\n\n I hissed and spit like any fearless soldier would. Tail Fur poofed up to twice its size which was just about maximum capacity on the intimidation scale. \n\n That little beast had grabbed the fencing of the—oh. False alarm. Recall I mentioned the Earthian kits were caged behind fencing? Yeah, it couldn’t reach me, thus there is no reason for you to be alarmed. Don’t worry.\n\n So the Earthian kit may have startled me just a tad but I recovered with unmatched swiftness. \n\n “Looook!” The kit shouted and stuck its stubby finger through the fencing. “It’s like Mr. Smith!”\n\n Three additional kits scurried over to join the first. Two of them agreed that I looked like Mr. Smith while the third declared I didn’t look like Mr. Smith at all. I wasn’t sure who Mr. Smith was and had no intention of finding out. \n\n “Kitty!” A higher pitched Earthian kit squealed. \n\nThat sound could’ve ruptured ear drums. I shook my head, gave a light hiss and backed up some.\n\n I wasn’t one to hurt the kits if there was an alternative, but I wasn’t going to let them defeat me either. Suddenly the other kits became interested in what was up and flocked over to the fence where I was. I issued another warning hiss. In a large group they were a little more intimidating you see, even with the fence between us.\n\n All the kits began yowling then, reaching through the fence, murmuring ‘kitty kitty’ in some babyish voice amongst other chatter. They could have been talking in code for all I knew and I was growing increasingly uneasy.\n\n “Mr. Smiiith!” Another yowl.\n\n Others soon joined in the chant for Mr. Smith and before my very eyes a large figure began making its way towards us. Mr. Smith towered over the children. Actually Mr. Smith towered over me too. Instinctively I tucked my ears down so they wouldn’t be as visible. Think Earthian. Think Earthian.\n\n The taller figure moved closer to the fencing, pushing aside a few of the kits in the process. I took a wary step back; prepared to run at any indication that Mr. Smith suspected I wasn’t Earthian. \n\n The kits were still squealing and hopping about. Terrible little distractions they were. \n\n Unease was increasing. Standing here in the open in a stare down with Mr. Smith did not seem like a good idea. \n\n The Earthian had a brownish orange shirt on and the weirdest rainbow visored helmet ever. Hadn’t seen an Earthian with one of those before. Also hadn’t met an Earthian instructor though. \n\n Mr. Smith grasped the top of the fencing and then…then Mr. Smith did something I didn’t know Earthians could even do. He hopped the fence was scarcely any need to jump. Mr. Smith could’ve easily been an athlete. He had the leg reach for most any sport I could think of. \n\n That Earthian man—or what I was assuming was a man, based off the ‘mister’ portion—had just cleared the final barrier of safety that I had set up. Well, I hadn’t actually set up the Earthian fence, but it was still acting as my protection. If I hadn’t already given the okay to unleash full fluff mode I would’ve ordered it then. Since I had already efficiently covered that procedure though, and since it had had very little effect on Mr. Smith, I instigated full scale retreat measures. There was a time to fight and there was a time to run like you’d never run before. Now was the latter.\n\n","writing_bbcode_parsed":"Qwuedeviv Crew 52: Mr. Smith is an Ideal Athlete
“Kitty? Here kitty, kitty.”
My ears perked up but I was still face down on the pillow in my favorite cardboard box.
“Kitty.” I heard again.
I grumbled and pushed myself up partially. Cedric hadn’t quite picked up on the fact I wasn’t exactly the same as their Earth cats. Oh well, another day.
I crawled out of my bed. Command Center and such didn’t seem fully coherent yet so I had to rely on my own knowledge. I navigated through the door and blinked a few times to get my Visual Scanners working—eyes that is. Or well that is the closest thing I can relate my high tech properties to. A doctor would call them the same exact thing but how boring is that?
“Right here.” I commented and waited to hear him again.
“Oh, there you are.” He appeared from behind and picked me up before I could protest. “How you feeling today, Kitty?”
“It’s Smiley.” I grumbled and batted at his hand when he tried to pet my head. “And I’m fine.”
“Great.” He set me down and patted my head.
I glared at him. He didn’t seem to be paying attention though. He probably wanted to tell me he was going to work. That meant I had already overslept. Ever since I’d gotten to this pathetic planet I’d had this sleeping issue. I slept a lot, but then come to think of it, I had had that problem back home too. Guess it wasn’t the planet and perhaps just my—nevermind that.
“Kitty?”
Oh, Cedric was still standing there—weird creature.
“You sure you’re alright?”
“Fantastic.” I replied.
He gave a half nod. “Well then, I better go to work. Breakfast is on the table.”
“Yes.” I answered, blinked and looked up again. “Have a great day.”
Cedric gave me a second glance and nodded.
I waited until I heard the click of the front door and his car pulling out. Now it was my turn.
You probably thought today’s mission involved cacti, didn’t you? Sorry to disappoint you, but no. I had only gathered the information to know how to deal with them just in case they decided to launch a counter attack. I had decided Earth didn’t look so intimidating anymore and today I would venture out and see it for myself. I wasn’t gonna sit around a house for the rest of my life. Anyway, after adjusting my uniform and pulling the hood up, I headed out into the unknown.
Cedric’s neighborhood had seemed equally as boring as he was from my time peering out of the windows. Upon leaving the front steps my opinion hadn’t changed. The lawn monster was dormant for the time being but I still crept by with care not to wake it. Cedric insisted it was merely a ‘sprinkler’ for watering the grass. I wasn’t sure I believed that.
For the first time in quite a while I left the front gate—Cedric had left it unlocked so I didn’t have to crawl over the top or under the bottom. The point being it was a lot more pleasant this time around.
So after I got out of the place I headed down the street. I had done that once before when I had first arrived here but really didn’t remember many of the details. That was fine with me though, made it more scenic and such.
Now my whole objective today was classified. A lot of my life is classified as you may have noticed. This tends to happen when you are a significant figure. However the important part of today was that I knew what my objective was.
I made a few turns here or there and trailed along pretty empty roads—this was all good for me because I wasn’t supposed to be seen by the enemy. Many of you might wonder why I was out there then. Night would have seemed like a better time to travel. Yes. To a common Earthian’s brain, it would seem that way, but trust me, that was not the case or I would have done so. You don’t need to question my judgment. This was what I had been trained for.
After a few more roads I came across a dilemma. There were actually more frequent Earthian sightings. Some were driving Earth vehicles and others simply walked. This would have intimidated a lesser Qwuedeviv into retreat. Not me.
Whenever an Earthian would get near me I could hear it. So when I began hearing it I would just dart towards the nearest hiding spot. It took a little longer this way than if I had just been prancing along, but as Commander Easy Cheese would say. Wars aren’t won without lunch. Words to live your life by those are.
After I made it through the more cityish portion of the Earthian grounds, I came across a most peculiar place. It was all fenced off from the rest of the Earthian camp. The space was decent sized but I could see the end where the fencing started making a giant loop. Closer to where I was at, there was a set of structures.
It all appeared to be made from processed native tree as opposed to a more efficient material. The structures themselves had no evident purpose from my observation—nothing beyond holding in place a slab of plastic that was connected to it by two ropes.
On said plastic piece sat an Earthian kit. It squealed in either terror or joy—I wasn’t sure which—as its parental unit pushed the roped plastic. Perhaps it was an Earthian training exercise; it was a bit hard for me to figure out without the expertise knowledge of Cheeseburger. Oh—that’s our weapons developer/mechanic/guy-who-builds-and-fixes-stuff-when-we-whine-enough for the record.
I crouched behind a fallen tree that had been abandoned beyond the camp. Observing these creatures could prove useful to Headquarters later on. It was partially my responsibility to see to it since the rest of my crew was currently MIA—Missing in Action.
Around the Earthian kit and parental unit were several other structures. There was a horizontal ladder that was suspended in the air by two sets of pillars on either end—not sure how that would help very much. Then there was a ladder leading to the top of a plastic thing. The purpose of the exercise was unclear as well. The kit would climb to the top, slide down with a squeal and repeat the process. Strange.
I made an intentional effort to avoid the kit and parent and rounded the curve of a big pond that was beyond the Earthian kit’s playground. Just beyond my current location, a cluster of Earth trees welcomed me to the protection of their cover. I wasn’t too familiar with Earth plants, but they were darkish green and needly. Since they provided more cover and possibly more interesting things to look at, I headed that way.
I wove back and forth between the trees, making only the occasional stop to pounce upon a pitiful seedling. The ground beneath the Earth trees crunched like cereal as I walked on it. I could go for some of that at the moment. In fact, I hadn’t really considered bringing any food along with me. Now it sounded like a much better idea. Oh well, couldn’t do much about that.
Eventually I reached the edge of the Earthian deep forest. I forgot to mention earlier but it was totally a treacherous journey and I came close to dying at least nine times. Savage aliens attacked once and another time the plants came alive and tried to swallow me whole. No joke. My superior, invaderly skills saved me though and now I was ready to face my next obstacle.
Prepare yourself for this; it may come as a shock. It could cause your heart to beat too many miles per hour and then you wouldn’t have good fuel economy or something like that. Anyway, getting back to the topic at paw if you don’t mind the risk of needing to pay a few extra dollars for fuel, I had just stumbled across a top secret Earthian base.
Orangish-yellow battle buses were all aligned in their vehicle hangar—obviously a primitive model but none the less dangerous. They likely contained elite troops that all civilizations feared. That is why HQ chose someone as qualified as myself after all. Anyway the orange battle buses and so forth were all aligned and so forthly forthingly...forth.
It was time for an investigation. I scanned the area with my high-tech Visual Scanners and attuned Ear Radar to pick up all frequencies. All checked out clear. It was time to move in and get a closer look. My ears lowered against my head in preparation of Sneak Mode as I lowered into a crouch. Keeping my tail just from brushing the ground I crept closer.
The super-secret base was a surprisingly boring building. It had “School” written in large print along with a giant name that was probably known only by the coders of Earthian language—which is called Earthanese by the way. I know all these things.
The building itself had a lot of papers posted in windows and on plastic covered boards. Most of it seemed to be indicating proper behavior of Earth kits with little visual graphs of horrible things like sharing and taking turns.
I hurried on before the brainwashing techniques could permanently damage my mind. In fact I was in such a deep, mental struggle that I didn’t notice I had run straight into danger. I should have suspected that the Earthians would pull such trickery on an innocent cat. They couldn’t be trusted.
Just on the other side of the building was a field of caged kits. They squealed and pranced about in a horrifying display of total lack of control. It was a mad house there. Kits were kicking at sand in a giant box, others kicked at a ball that other kits wailed and chased after. Everywhere I looked there was another Earthian kit doing something.
Turns out I had been mistaken. It wasn’t a secret base at all—it was Earthian Kitten Training Grounds! Earthians try and be sneaky by calling it school.
In the midst of my horror and realization of the terrors that might befall my luxurious pelt if such a grubby handed little beast was to grab hold of me, one of the previously mentioned beasts had managed to breach our first line of defense and had positioned itself right along the—
I hissed and spit like any fearless soldier would. Tail Fur poofed up to twice its size which was just about maximum capacity on the intimidation scale.
That little beast had grabbed the fencing of the—oh. False alarm. Recall I mentioned the Earthian kits were caged behind fencing? Yeah, it couldn’t reach me, thus there is no reason for you to be alarmed. Don’t worry.
So the Earthian kit may have startled me just a tad but I recovered with unmatched swiftness.
“Looook!” The kit shouted and stuck its stubby finger through the fencing. “It’s like Mr. Smith!”
Three additional kits scurried over to join the first. Two of them agreed that I looked like Mr. Smith while the third declared I didn’t look like Mr. Smith at all. I wasn’t sure who Mr. Smith was and had no intention of finding out.
“Kitty!” A higher pitched Earthian kit squealed.
That sound could’ve ruptured ear drums. I shook my head, gave a light hiss and backed up some.
I wasn’t one to hurt the kits if there was an alternative, but I wasn’t going to let them defeat me either. Suddenly the other kits became interested in what was up and flocked over to the fence where I was. I issued another warning hiss. In a large group they were a little more intimidating you see, even with the fence between us.
All the kits began yowling then, reaching through the fence, murmuring ‘kitty kitty’ in some babyish voice amongst other chatter. They could have been talking in code for all I knew and I was growing increasingly uneasy.
“Mr. Smiiith!” Another yowl.
Others soon joined in the chant for Mr. Smith and before my very eyes a large figure began making its way towards us. Mr. Smith towered over the children. Actually Mr. Smith towered over me too. Instinctively I tucked my ears down so they wouldn’t be as visible. Think Earthian. Think Earthian.
The taller figure moved closer to the fencing, pushing aside a few of the kits in the process. I took a wary step back; prepared to run at any indication that Mr. Smith suspected I wasn’t Earthian.
The kits were still squealing and hopping about. Terrible little distractions they were.
Unease was increasing. Standing here in the open in a stare down with Mr. Smith did not seem like a good idea.
The Earthian had a brownish orange shirt on and the weirdest rainbow visored helmet ever. Hadn’t seen an Earthian with one of those before. Also hadn’t met an Earthian instructor though.
Mr. Smith grasped the top of the fencing and then…then Mr. Smith did something I didn’t know Earthians could even do. He hopped the fence was scarcely any need to jump. Mr. Smith could’ve easily been an athlete. He had the leg reach for most any sport I could think of.
That Earthian man—or what I was assuming was a man, based off the ‘mister’ portion—had just cleared the final barrier of safety that I had set up. Well, I hadn’t actually set up the Earthian fence, but it was still acting as my protection. If I hadn’t already given the okay to unleash full fluff mode I would’ve ordered it then. Since I had already efficiently covered that procedure though, and since it had had very little effect on Mr. Smith, I instigated full scale retreat measures. There was a time to fight and there was a time to run like you’d never run before. Now was the latter.
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