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"description": "made paws today. I feel weird. Hope u likem anyways!\n\nIm so miserable lately. Like I dont even wanna talk about it but then I do wanna talk about it. Im torn. Theres so much going on I have a really hard time coping with it. Plus I have issues that I can't overlook atm like its hard for me to grasp like where I am heading towards sometimes. Then I want it and then I dont want it. Feels like all that made me feel secure is gone. Like a horrible awakening, just every day again and again. It makes me mad, I can't really trust my feelings to the slightest because they scare me. Like the worst time is the mornings and getting up cuz everything regarding this is at rock bottom again, as if I have never made any progress. It's bad. I feel bad, worthless and like just generally like I messed up a once very good life. Even tho I want to blame a \"friend\" its really just that he showed me that my life just doesnt make much sense the way I have been existing til now. I need to be fixed, but then I can't be helped really cuz I won't talk. I mean of course why would I. IT's just confusing beyond everything and if u talk to anyone youre just stamped off as depressed kid or they call someone immediately. Whenever I leave therapy I feel great only to crash again a few hours later. And its like this every day, I feel good in the evening when I either chug loads of coffee to be like overly energized or take my meds rather irregularly so I feel distracted from whats really going on when my mind feels stuffed then. its pleasant.\n\ngnh. I dont freaking know. I don't wanna feel anything rn really. It takes some practice, but I managed to find a way to ignore everything and just think nothing for once at a time. That helps. yknow and the thought that whenever I start panicking, things will be alright in the evening. Just gotta get thru the day somehow. Am I working towards something? yea, sorta. But I'm not really focussed, it's more of an alternative thing for me atm. I'm excited for the Furvester Con. Something at least.\n\nOh wow vent text for a paw pic. Felt the urge to just write this down and since I am bad at properly journaling I might as well do it here. \n\n-------------------------------\n\nI'm currently open for commissions, so just hmu on telegram, @muffinvinvin if u need anything. <3 Or use this link.\n\nhttps://forms.gle/eRDBXJZCHgiRxwrWA",
"description_bbcode_parsed": "made paws today. I feel weird. Hope u likem anyways!
Im so miserable lately. Like I dont even wanna talk about it but then I do wanna talk about it. Im torn. Theres so much going on I have a really hard time coping with it. Plus I have issues that I can't overlook atm like its hard for me to grasp like where I am heading towards sometimes. Then I want it and then I dont want it. Feels like all that made me feel secure is gone. Like a horrible awakening, just every day again and again. It makes me mad, I can't really trust my feelings to the slightest because they scare me. Like the worst time is the mornings and getting up cuz everything regarding this is at rock bottom again, as if I have never made any progress. It's bad. I feel bad, worthless and like just generally like I messed up a once very good life. Even tho I want to blame a "friend" its really just that he showed me that my life just doesnt make much sense the way I have been existing til now. I need to be fixed, but then I can't be helped really cuz I won't talk. I mean of course why would I. IT's just confusing beyond everything and if u talk to anyone youre just stamped off as depressed kid or they call someone immediately. Whenever I leave therapy I feel great only to crash again a few hours later. And its like this every day, I feel good in the evening when I either chug loads of coffee to be like overly energized or take my meds rather irregularly so I feel distracted from whats really going on when my mind feels stuffed then. its pleasant.
gnh. I dont freaking know. I don't wanna feel anything rn really. It takes some practice, but I managed to find a way to ignore everything and just think nothing for once at a time. That helps. yknow and the thought that whenever I start panicking, things will be alright in the evening. Just gotta get thru the day somehow. Am I working towards something? yea, sorta. But I'm not really focussed, it's more of an alternative thing for me atm. I'm excited for the Furvester Con. Something at least.
Oh wow vent text for a paw pic. Felt the urge to just write this down and since I am bad at properly journaling I might as well do it here.
-------------------------------
I'm currently open for commissions, so just hmu on telegram, @muffinvinvin if u need anything. <3 Or use this link.
https://forms.gle/eRDBXJZCHgiRxwrWA",
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