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Greetings everyone. At the beginning of April, I went on a mental health hiatus from the internet. It was super important for me to do so. While I was on my break, I drew some of the things I am experiencing or experience often. I will not be posting all of the pages I made, but I thought perhaps a couple pages would be okay for me to share.
Page 1: False Pain
I... cannot tell at all when I am in pain or not. I can't tell because my brain will often make up pain that doesn't actually exist. I spent the first two weeks of this month battling my mind that was denying my toe as anything but deadly. My brain gets overtaken into absolute state of paranoia with a focus around "___ will Kill you". This is set off a lot bye illness, so the pandemic has been a horror story, but also includes general injury and sometimes my brain even replaces that blank with people or animals as well. That includes all of you guys, too, so I super had to be offline until my brain stopped doing the thing.
Right then my Toe felt terrible, and although I am certain it is real actual pain, it is very hard to tell sometimes when I am for real hurt. So... I have to go to the Doctor's a lot because of every little thing every time. I hate it. Sometimes it really is my Mind's fake pain, and that's absolutely terrible. It's a pain in the ass for both the doctors and myself. I either go for nothing, or waited too long for something I should have gone to the DR for immediately.
Though, what happened this time is a huge concern. It wasn't just the toe, but a lot of stressors all at once fried me into absolute "[everything] is going to kill me" state. I hate it. I hate it a lot. It was stress as heck. I didn't know how to handle myself. It really is a moment that can be represented by glass suddenly shattering. It was the second worse paranoia attack in my life.