I sat slumped in the corner, water cascading off my fur and spiralling down the drain, as it had been doing for the past hour at least. It had long ago turned cold, the hot-water heater unable to keep up with the protracted shower, and even longer ago run clear. Still, no matter how much I washed I didn’t feel clean, didn’t feel like I would ever be clean again.

The events of the past few months, and this night in particular, kept running through my head. How did I get here? Did it really happen? Why didn’t I listen to warnings? Why did I think I could be different? What would I do now?

Everything started several months ago. We meet in a chat room on the anthro-net. Just a couple of wolves with a few shared interests. At least that’s what I assumed at the time. It wasn’t long before I started to suspect that he wasn’t exactly what he was claiming to be. Little details he didn’t get quite right. Things he’d question which he shouldn’t. The general evasiveness he displayed in the beginning.

It wasn’t uncommon for humans to sneak their way onto the anthro-net, or for anthros to sneak over to the internet for that matter. They usually got caught and kicked off fairly quickly, but I didn’t really care and wasn’t going to rat him out. In truth I had never quite understood why humans and anthros were so vehemently banned from interacting with each other. If he wanted to hang around on the anthro-net that was his business, and besides he seemed like a pretty cool guy.

At first we were just friends chatting about shared interests. I don’t really remember who made the first move or how it even came up, but it didn’t take long for more to develop between us.

Whoever started it, I do know that in the beginning it was a series of innocent innuendos. Neither flinched or backed down from the implications so it seemed safe to say we were both gay, or at the very least comfortable with our sexuality. It didn’t take long from that point for things to get more open and direct.

He was definitely the first to make an overt move. At some point it had come up that we lived in the same city, albet within our own segregated human/anthro districts. I don’t recall if I’d already confronted him about lying about his identity by that point or if it was shortly after, but it was somewhere right around the same time. Either way, he shared with me his secret desires towards anthros and started talking about meeting in person.

A part of me said to end it right there. I’d grown up hearing the constant refrain that humans and anthros needed to be kept at arm's length, and that anything romantic or sexual was absolutely forbidden. There was never any justification given, just the staunce restriction given with a stern glare. I could only assume that humans were always taught the same. If only they’d been clearer. If only they’d told us why. If only I’d known what would happen.

Somewhere deep inside I knew I should obey. I shouldn’t take things any further, but I was young. I was defiant. I liked him, and there was a certain exhilaration around pursuing something so forbidden. 

Why didn’t I listen?  Why didn’t I heed the warnings?

We became even closer. Started sharing pictures - god he looked so small and frail compared to us anthros. Things got complicated when we started to discuss how meeting up would even be possible. It wouldn’t be easy with how strictly enforced the anthro-human segregation was.

That was when he was caught and kicked off the anthro-net. Someone had turned him in. It would have just ended there and things wouldn’t have turned out the way they did had we not already traded numbers by then. We no longer needed the anthro-net to stay in touch.

I was so stupid. Even when my dad found his messages on my phone and gave me a royal beating I didn’t let it go. Asshole. If only he’d told me WHY! I was grounded for a month and he wiped all contacts from my phone.

Like that was going to stop me. Stop us. He still had my number and got back in touch with me, worried about my sudden disappearance. I was pissed over my dad’s reaction and became even more determined go through with things. We tried even harder to come up with a way to meet, maybe even to run off together somewhere forever.

It wasn’t easy, but we found a way. It was a seedy motel in the dankest corner of the anthro district. As far from any prying eyes as possible. I didn’t ask how he got past the checkpoint at the border, it didn’t really matter.

God when I first laid eyes on him it made my blood boil. For so long he had been just a silent voice on the other side of a screen, but here he finally was. Here we finally were. He was standing there in the doorway, backlit by the flickering neon of the motel’s vacancy sign. So small compared to me, but if anything even more lust shown behind his eyes.

The more rational part of my braid said to back off, that he looked far too frail to handle anything from me, but we’d come this far. We’d each dealt with far too much bullshit and defied everything standing up for ourselves. There was no way either of us was going to back down now.

I literally swept him off his feet and dragged him into the room, virtually throwing him onto the nearest bed. Few anthros wore clothes and I was no exception, so there was no need for me to disrobe. No sooner than he hit the bed did he start to undo his pants. I was all too ready to help rip away what he didn’t manage to shed himself.

The moment he was freed from his wrappings he was on me. Hands running through my fur, groping at my muscles. It seems odd to think of him as the one acting like an animal, but that was the best way to describe him. He was virtually worshipping my body.

My caution arose once more when he coaxed me from my sheath. Dear god I was big compared to him, had to be the size of his arm. I didn’t want to hurt him. God. I didn’t want to hurt him.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Of course.” The lust was clear in his eyes. “I’ve got several XL Bad Wolf dildos. I can handle it.”

I was feeling the lust too. I had to have him, and it’s entirely possible I would have still taken him at that point even if he’d expressed concern. We were both too far gone for rational thought. My god.

Already I was getting hazy. The foreplay didn’t last long, and before I knew it I was was leaning over his prone body. That’s the last thing I clearly remember. It was hot, it was carnal. Why couldn’t they just tell us!?

When I finally returned to my senses it took me a minute to realize what exactly the horror before me was. I could smell and taste the unmistakable tang of blood, my claws and fur with caked in red, and there was a mangled body beneath me that just recently had been a man.

I couldn’t fathom what had happened, but the evidence was clear. I should have checked on him, but I couldn’t face it. I just fled. So here I am trying to wash the evidence, but more importantly the feeling away. The body is still out there in the other room. How can I possibly leave and be forced to see it again?

Dear god why couldn’t they just tell us about the blood lust? Why didn’t they just warn us that anthros get primally savage and humans are too frail to handle it? Why!?

No. They had to make it seem like some draconian racist bullshit. They could just be forward about it. Fuckers. Probably been so long they don’t even remember.

What am I going to do?