“Zabivaka! Zabivaka!” shouted the news reporters, shoving microphones and cameras in his muzzle, “tell us, how does it feel to be selected as the mascot for the world cup in Russia?!”

        They had caught the wolf walking off of the soccer field after an intense game he had with his other mascot friends. He looked to be heading to the bathrooms nearby before the stadium’s owner closed them for the day (he had been holding it in the whole game), but was intercepted by the news teams. Zabivaka blushed a little, not used to all this attention on him at once. “Uh...umm...well, it’s a great honor to be selected…” he offered, hoping the reporters would leave him to go do his business in private.

        “Tell us about the game you just came out of!” blurted another reporter, “it looked like it was exciting!”

        Zabivaka was now getting a bit more desperate to use the bathroom, and unfortunately for him, it wasn’t just a number one… “Yeah, the game was pretty close,” the wolf said, inching towards the entrance to the hallway the bathrooms were in, “I couldn’t believe I shot that last goal, heh heh.” Zabivaka was going to talk more about how the game went in order to satisfy the reporters, but something unexpected happened while he was thinking of another thing to comment on.


*PPFFRRTTTT*


The now embarrassed wolf looked back down to his tail and back up to the reporters, who he saw were either shocked or giggling. “Uh...umm….” said Zabivaka, not totally sure how to address what just happened.


“Haha, first time on the news?” said a cat reporter holding a microphone, “Some animals get a little nervous.”


“Uh...yeah! That’s it, I’m just nervous,” he said, blushing after realizing that their cameras likely caught his little “emission”. Zabivaka’s bowels shifted after he farted, notifying his body that he had to go, and he had to go now. The wolf tried his best to keep his furry cheeks pushed together without drawing the attention of the camera dogs. He was about to excuse himself to go to the restrooms, but as he looked over to where they were, he saw that the tiger who owned the stadium was locking the door up. “What?” he said to himself, “no no no, this can’t be happening.”


The reporters ignored what Zabivaka was looking at and decided to move the cameras closer and ask another question. “So, what will you be planning on dressing in to represent Russia in the world cup in 2018?”


*PRROOFFTTT*


“Well,” said Zabivaka, blushing and knowing that they heard that one too, “I was...uh...could you excuse me for a second?” The nervous wolf bolted off to the outside of the stadium, hoping the news teams wouldn’t follow behind. He felt his lower half shift again and realized he couldn’t make it home before “unloading”. “Aw man...where am I supposed to go?” he said to himself, frantically scanning the area for a suitable place to do his business. He eventually came across a grassy area with a collection of trees and bushes in the middle. “Ah! Perfect!” he said to himself, running over to it.


Meanwhile, the news teams were left in the stadium with no one to interview. “Where did he go?!” said one of the camera dogs. “He just ran off! Did he have a meeting to get to or something?” said another. The cat reporter motioned for everyone to follow him. “C’mon guys, he went this way! We can ask him about why he had to run off so quickly.”


The news team made their way to the exit of the stadium, stopping at the gateway. “Hey, is that him over there?” said one of the reporters, pointing to Zabivaka as he was nervously looking around with both his paws on his rear end. “Yeah it is!” said another, watching as he scurried into the nearby collection of trees and bushes. “Let’s follow him in there and see what he’s doing!” said the cat reporter to everyone else. “Be sure to record!”


The group of news animals all quietly followed after Zabivaka as he ducked behind a tree. “Hey guys, try to get behind the tree on the other side. Maybe he’s in the middle of a juicy phone call! This’ll get so many people watching!” The camera dogs tooks the cat’s advice and snuck over to the side of the tree Zabivaka was on, making sure to keep their distance. They filmed as the wolf, with his paws still holding his cheeks closed, looked around to see if anyone was close to him. He then pulled his pants and undies down, stepping out of them and getting into a squat, facing the tree and holding the trunk for balance. The camera dogs were shocked with what they and their cameras were witnessing. “Mr. Cat! Get over here!” one of the dogs loudly whispered to the cat while motioning for him to come in his direction. The cat made his way over and the dog pointed at Zabivaka. “Look!”


“Hahhhhhhh,” sighed Zabivaka in pure relief. He first began to tinkle into the grass below his dangling privates before letting out more farts that had been building up during the interview.


*PRT*


*PFFFFFF*


“Oh my goodness!” said the cat to the camera dogs. He motioned for the other reporters to join him and they tiptoed over his way. “Are your mics picking anything up?”


“They pick up from pretty far away,” said one of them, handing the cat his headphones and pointing to his camera’s monitor. The cat put the headphones on and saw Zabivaka continuing to tinkle in the grass on the monitor as he heard the pattering of the urine against the ground. “Forget the phone call thing, this is way more juicy! Are we broadcasting this?” asked the cat to the dog.


“We sure are!” he said, making sure not to lose the shot of Zabivaka.


“You think he’s gonna…?” asked the cat as he was listening in on the headphones, suddenly hearing a loud *FLLRRBTT*, “Oh my, I think he is.”


Zabivaka squatted slightly lower and grunted, beginning to push out his first log. His pink tailhole opened around it as it grew in size upon its exit. The log moved somewhat slowly as the mic was picking up crackles and pffts from his noisy derriere. It finally dropped all the way out and onto the ground, stretching a full seven inches in length and accompanied by an airy fart. *PFFFFFF*.


“Why is he doing his business out here of all places?” asked one of the reporters.


“Not sure,” said the cat, “maybe it’s some kind of political statement!”


“Sir, will people really want to see a wolf going number two on their televisions? Are we even allowed to show this?” said one of the camera dogs.


“That doesn’t matter,” said the cat, “shhh, don’t lose the shot.”


“Hnghhh,” grunted Zabivaka again, pushing harder for his next log. This one slid out faster than the first one, looking a bit larger and curling up into a nice pile underneath his exposed tailhole, followed by the tip of his final log. He grunted once more as it was pushed out, sliding out with the most speed out of the three and plopping on top of the first two. “Hah,” he said to himself, catching his breath. “That’s the last time I wait till the end of the game to do my business.”


“Alright, I think he’s finished,” said the cat.


“Doesn’t he still have to wipe?” said the dog holding the camera on Zabivaka.


“Psh,” said the cat, “he doesn’t have anything to wipe with over there.”


“Uh...I think he’s using a leaf…” said the dog, trying his best to keep the camera steady.


The cat looked at the monitor and saw that Zabivaka had indeed picked up a leaf and was using it to wipe off his dirty tailhole. “Haha! You’re right! I think we should go to greet him now.” The news animals all began walking more audibly toward Zabivaka, and the wolf, who had just finished wiping, heard these footsteps and turned around to see the whole news team approaching him. He quickly grabbed his undies off of the ground and slid them on as fast as he could. He would’ve reached for his pants as well but he couldn’t get to them before the cameras were already on him. “Thank goodness we finally found you, Zabi! What have you been doing out here?”


“I...uh...I,” stuttered Zabivaka, trying to come up with a viable excuse. “I was, uh, on an important phone call...yeah!”


The cat looked down to his undies and pointed at them. “Then...why are you wearing those?” The camera dog pointed his camera down to the wolf’s undies, which didn’t exactly leave much to the imagination.


“I uh...well…” said Zabi, looking extra nervous and trying to put on a sheepish grin.


“And what’s... that?!” said another reporter, pointing at the ground. The camera dog pointed his equipment down to capture a huge pile of pungent wolf business in the grass.


“That...uh...isn’t mine?” offered Zabivaka, hoping they would take the answer.


“Sure it isn’t,” said the cat, looking to the pile then up to the wolf. “Maybe next time try to squeeze in a bathroom break during halftime, hm?”


“Uh...heh heh...that might’ve been a good idea…” said Zabivaka shakily, his cheeks redder than they ever have been before. “I have to go!” he quipped, dashing off to the closest train station.


“When do you think he’ll notice he left his pants behind?” asked the camera dog.


“I’m sure he’ll find out soon enough,” said the cat, satisfied with the job he had performed.