{"submission_id":"648828","keywords":[{"keyword_id":"123","keyword_name":"female","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"678531"},{"keyword_id":"1440","keyword_name":"human","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"63781"},{"keyword_id":"151482","keyword_name":"moogie","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"530"},{"keyword_id":"101913","keyword_name":"nicky","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"288"}],"hidden":"f","scraps":"f","favorite":"f","favorites_count":"4","create_datetime":"2014-07-19 06:49:32.614149+02","create_datetime_usertime":"19 Jul 2014 06:49 CEST","last_file_update_datetime":"2014-07-19 06:49:01.216756+02","last_file_update_datetime_usertime":"19 Jul 2014 06:49 CEST","username":"TheRealMedley","user_id":"134487","user_icon_file_name":"194888_TheRealMedley_star_background_mredleykirby.gif","user_icon_url_large":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/usericons/large/194/194888_TheRealMedley_star_background_mredleykirby.gif","user_icon_url_medium":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/usericons/medium/194/194888_TheRealMedley_star_background_mredleykirby.gif","user_icon_url_small":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/usericons/small/194/194888_TheRealMedley_star_background_mredleykirby.gif","file_name":"856090_Moogie_hni_0007.jpg","file_url_full":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/full/856/856090_Moogie_hni_0007.jpg","file_url_screen":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/screen/856/856090_Moogie_hni_0007.jpg","file_url_preview":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/856/856090_Moogie_hni_0007.jpg","thumbnail_url_huge_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/856/856090_Moogie_hni_0007.jpg","thumbnail_url_large_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/856/856090_Moogie_hni_0007_noncustom.jpg","thumbnail_url_medium_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/856/856090_Moogie_hni_0007_noncustom.jpg","thumb_medium_noncustom_x":"90","thumb_medium_noncustom_y":"120","thumb_large_noncustom_x":"150","thumb_large_noncustom_y":"200","thumb_huge_noncustom_x":"225","thumb_huge_noncustom_y":"300","files":[{"file_id":"856090","file_name":"856090_Moogie_hni_0007.jpg","file_url_full":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/full/856/856090_Moogie_hni_0007.jpg","file_url_screen":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/screen/856/856090_Moogie_hni_0007.jpg","file_url_preview":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/856/856090_Moogie_hni_0007.jpg","mimetype":"image/jpeg","submission_id":"648828","user_id":"134487","submission_file_order":"0","full_size_x":"960","full_size_y":"1280","screen_size_x":"920","screen_size_y":"1227","preview_size_x":"225","preview_size_y":"300","initial_file_md5":"94cd777ffa71cbb69cbc61f0499d12cd","full_file_md5":"903ef7544c49644e89cd6db6449312cc","large_file_md5":"649cdae0cf1160c03b00f6445449fceb","small_file_md5":"2b896d0e5ac7204d09d70cbde027cf9f","thumbnail_md5":"5724422655b5a2e5097ec619e12c610a","deleted":"f","create_datetime":"2014-07-19 06:49:01.216756+02","create_datetime_usertime":"19 Jul 2014 06:49 CEST","thumbnail_url_huge_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/856/856090_Moogie_hni_0007.jpg","thumbnail_url_large_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/856/856090_Moogie_hni_0007_noncustom.jpg","thumbnail_url_medium_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/856/856090_Moogie_hni_0007_noncustom.jpg","thumb_medium_noncustom_x":"90","thumb_medium_noncustom_y":"120","thumb_large_noncustom_x":"150","thumb_large_noncustom_y":"200","thumb_huge_noncustom_x":"225","thumb_huge_noncustom_y":"300"}],"pools":[],"description":"Well as of late I've been forcing myself to do things, and take care of myself, meaning I have to force myself to eat, sleep, potty, shower, drink water even.\n\nI can't help but think these thoughts about myself, no amount of hugs and kisses will fix it, no amount of friends or family have been able to convince me otherwise, I feel I am nothing but a stupid worthless hateful mean cunt bitch that no one really likes or loves... You can say it all you want, doesn't make me believe it...\n\nI want to believe I want to just say \"Yes I finally see\" but in reality, I'm nothing more than an antisocial doofus with no hope for a future, just a dumb whore...\n\nI have been called all these things all my life, by my family, by my \"friends\", by my peers, and by the people who held nothing but contempt for me, and over the 22 years I've been alive these are the only things that stuck...\n\nI try to be happy-go-lucky, and cheerful, and grateful, and loving but in all honesty, it sucks suffering on the inside. But the more happiness I fake the more happiness I seem to feel... So this isn't a charade, I am just trying to trick my body into thinking that it is as happy/nice as I am trying to be...\n\nSorry matured for language","description_bbcode_parsed":"Well as of late I've been forcing myself to do things, and take care of myself, meaning I have to force myself to eat, sleep, potty, shower, drink water even.
I can't help but think these thoughts about myself, no amount of hugs and kisses will fix it, no amount of friends or family have been able to convince me otherwise, I feel I am nothing but a stupid worthless hateful mean cunt bitch that no one really likes or loves... You can say it all you want, doesn't make me believe it...
I want to believe I want to just say "Yes I finally see" but in reality, I'm nothing more than an antisocial doofus with no hope for a future, just a dumb whore...
I have been called all these things all my life, by my family, by my "friends", by my peers, and by the people who held nothing but contempt for me, and over the 22 years I've been alive these are the only things that stuck...
I try to be happy-go-lucky, and cheerful, and grateful, and loving but in all honesty, it sucks suffering on the inside. But the more happiness I fake the more happiness I seem to feel... So this isn't a charade, I am just trying to trick my body into thinking that it is as happy/nice as I am trying to be...
Sorry matured for language","writing":"","writing_bbcode_parsed":"","pools_count":0,"title":"I'm my own biggest bully... Words do hurt...","deleted":"f","public":"t","mimetype":"image/jpeg","pagecount":"1","rating_id":"0","rating_name":"General","ratings":[],"submission_type_id":"1","type_name":"Picture/Pinup","guest_block":"t","friends_only":"f","comments_count":"0","views":"55","sales_description":null,"forsale":"f","digitalsales":"f","printsales":"f","digital_price":""}