She's flying through space, ducking past comics and skipping through sun rays. The universe is spread out before her like a treasure trove, planets and stars glittering every color she knows and many she doesn't.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" There's something keeping pace with her, softly pumping wings ruffling her hair. She turns her head to see wise, dark eyes peering at her from a pale face, light glinting across the androgynous angles of a smooth, white body.
"Yeah." She can see the whole universe reflected in those eyes. It's hard to tear her gaze away from them.
Pale fingers reach out to tuck a lock of hair behind her cheek, brushing soft and cool over her skin. "But you are lovelier still."
April looks down, feeling as awkward as one can while hurtling through the unlimited depths of the cosmos. "Thank you, um..."
"Za-Naron." The voice reminds her a bit of her own, although deeper and richer. "My name is Za-Naron."
 
In the aftermath she wakes up choking, trembling, grabbing for something that isn't there and would hurt her if it was. She curls up in her bed in a ball, trembling. She remembers so little, but it's still enough to burn.
 
"This was one of my favorite places growing up."
April looks around the gently fluttering grass, the insects like spun glass, the little fish-shaped creatures that dart between water and land at a moment's notice. A stand of amber trees twist and bend despite the lack of wind, communicating with each other through symbols reflected on the ground like shadow puppets. Massive flowers hum low in their throats, the sound making the water tremble.
"It's beautiful," she breathes.
"Isn't it?" Za-Naron leads her down the stream by the hand, her fingers unnaturally smooth thanks to her impossible small pores. "I used to take my hive mates here all the time."
"Are we going to meet them?" April asks. The water runs over her bare feet--bare like the rest of her, but she's not too bothered by her own nakedness. She likes the smooth ripple of sunlight over her skin.
"No," Za-Naron says, letting out a soft sigh as they move deeper into the pool, mud squelching under her feet. "They...we do not spend much time together anymore."
April looks down, feeling awkward. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine." There's a soft smile on Za-Naron's face as she turns, pinning April with those endless eyes. Her hands drift up April's stomach, curving ever so gently over her breasts, and April gasps. "I'm building a hive of my own."
"Y-you are?" Za-Naron's thumbs are running over her nipples and it's rapidly getting harder to think straight. "Who with?" She glances along the shore, worried someone's coming to see them like this.
But Za-Naron just smiles, reaching up to take April's chin and turn her until their eyes lock. "You, of course," she murmurs. "Who else deserves the honor?"
Then their lips are pressing together, filling April's mouth with the taste of stardust and solar flares. Za-Naron grabs her ass and hoists her up, until April can wrap her legs around that slender waist and feel the soft ripple of wingbeats against her ankles.
"A beautiful new world is coming," Za-Naron whispers between their mouths. "And it starts here, with us."
 
She drowns herself in showers and baths, takes her head underwater until her lungs burn. No swimming pools. She can't handle it anymore.
She wants to cleanse herself, but the rot is stuck inside her brain and there's no getting it out.
 
They're on a bed. She doesn't know exactly where, only that it's warm and safe and welcoming as she's gently pushed onto the mattress. When Za-Naron's talented tongue laps at her nipple, April moans at full volume, knowing no one will hear.
She's already damp and throbbing as the first long, slender finger slips inside her cunt, toying and teasing at her lips. April's eyes flicker as she sucks in a breath, spread thighs tremble.
"No." Her eyes instantly fly back open at the command. Za-Naron looms over her, white wings spread to infold both like a cocoon. "I want to see the stars in your eyes, my love," she whispers, fingers dipping and swirling with a virtuosos skill until April comes with a shriek, the bed rattling around them.
"Mmm," Za-Naron's fingers keep stirring, dragging her back to life. "If I could drown myself in your pleasure, I would."
But then she abruptly withdraws her hand, and April groans at the loss. Za-Naron chuckles. "You know what you want, don't you, my lovely? Never fear. I will not abandon you now."
Then she's settling back on her knees, spreading her thighs. It's the first time April’s gotten a really good look at the space between Za-Naron's legs, although she doesn't have time to examine it before it starts to open.
"Shit..." She watches in shocked fascination as a cluster of tiny, silvery tentacles emerge from between Za-Naron's thighs, wriggling hello. One of them brushes against April's bare skin and she jolts, caught off the guard by the not-unpleasant way it's tingling.
Then Za-Naron starts to straddle her and fear cuts through the fog in April's brain for the first time as she puts the pieces together. "Wait!" She tries to scramble back, yelping when her head bumps against the headboard.
"It's all right," Za-Naron croons. "You're safe." Her hands pet soothingly down April's thighs. "Have I ever lied to you before?"
She hasn't, and as April peers into those eyes she can't remember what she was so worried about. From a distance she feels her legs spreading, her hands relaxing as she settles back into the pillows.
Za-Naron gives her a tender smile and then she's leaning forward, slowly pushing in. Those tendril tips slide into April's cunt and they're buzzing, they're moving, in a way that sends her already sensitive nerves spiraling into hyperdrive.
"Fuck, Z!" She lurches upward with a yowl, and maybe that's what helps Za-Naron finish pushing the rest of the way into her. The world whites out for a split second and when she comes to April's slumped against Za-Noran's chest, heaving for air.
"Oh." Za-Naron's hands come up to toy with April's breasts, as if she needed any more simulation. She kisses April like she's going to die, just die, if she can't.
When April looks up, she's astonished to see Za-Naron's eyes glistening with tears. "I have waited so long for this moment," she breathes. "Believe me when I say it was worth every second."
Her hips snaps, and April screams. And screams, and screams, until she's lost track of how many times she's come.
 
The more she remembers, the harder it is to face them. But the option is going back to school and pretending everything is normal, which would drive her even more insane than she already feels.
So they set about with the awkward, complicated transition back to the lair. Donnie doesn't fear her as much as he should, and sometimes she wants to shake him for it.
Doesn't he know how easily sheep can be lured into the arms of wolves? 
 
"How come I don't remember this stuff when I'm awake?" April asks. "I mean, occasionally it'll feel like I had a, y'know, dirty dream, but I won't have any details."
"My connection with your subconscious is stronger than that of your conscious," Za-Naron explains, ducking to avoid a passing fragment of glistening ice.
They're both sitting on the edge of a comet, whizzing past planets at a blinding speed. It's strange, April thinks, moving so quickly without feeling any wind on her face or blowing through her air.
"Is it always going to be like that?" April asks. She's not really sure how she feels about the possibility.
"It depends," Za-Naron says. "A bond such as ours is a rare and complicated thing." She brushes an idle hand along April's hip. "The harder we work to merge, the greater chance I will have of one day reaching your conscious self."
"Let me guess." April raises an eyebrow, trying to act nonchalantly as Za-Naron's hand brushes along her thigh. "By 'merging' you mean having to do more of this stuff, yeah?"
"It's an important way to connect our psychic selves."
"It's pretty damn convenient, is what it is." But she's smiling. She's happy and relaxed, and the thing is that when she's with Za-Naron, her waking life really doesn't feel that much more real than her dreams do when she's awake.
"I think the world you're looking for is fortunate," Za-Naron teases. She tugs April's hand into her own lap, and April gasps as she feels those devilish tendrils buzzing against her hand. Za-Naron's free hand finishes its journey between April's legs.
"Christ." She's so wet already. Maybe the dream is part of it, but it really feels as if Za-Naron can undo her just with a look. Or maybe it's the tendrils rubbing themselves eagerly against her fingers, rocking into her hand until she can feel it in her core.
"Nnnh." Za-Naron arches her head, rock cracking around them. "I want--" She sucks in a hard breath, and April feels a fresh buzz at that, at how easily she can do her lover. "I want to see your ecstasy by the light of every moon in this system."
April smirks. "Is that so?" She manages to pull herself together just enough to flex her fingers wide, triggering a high keen that no human throat could make. "Why not by the light of every sun in the galaxy, instead?"
Za-Naron shakes her head. "So ambitious."
"I had a good teacher," April purrs, or tries to, but Za-Naron's own speed is picking up and the words stutter off into a groan. Za-Naron chuckles at the sight, her laughter echoing off into the folds of the cosmos.
 
It was supposed to stop with a swing of a tanto and a final war cry. It wasn't supposed to follow her.
But it nips at her heels anyway, the sickening sense of violation heavy in her gut, and sometimes April wonders if it's proper penance for her sins.
 
"I'm getting angrier at them," April admits as Za-naron guides her across the floor.
They're in some kind of ballroom, both fully clothed for once, in dresses that feel like an oddly comfortable blend of silk and armor. She can't name the colors they're made of, anymore than she could name the flowers in her hair. Faceless couples whirl by, accompanied by a band they can't say.
"It feels like..." She feels foolish saying it, but she has to. "Like every time I push my limits, use the power you gave me, it gets worse. I get mad, I snap over stupid things, I..." She shakes her head. "It's dumb."
"Is it?" Za-Naron asks. "You are showing how strong you are, stronger than they ever dreamed. It frightens them, and they take it out on you."
"But I'm the one who starts the fights!"
Za-Naron cocks her head. "Are you sure?"
And now that she's standing here, in front of Za-Naron, it's kind of hard to remember exactly what the fights are about. "I don't know. The division between conscious and subconscious you mentioned, it works both ways. Things are...blocked."
Za-Naron nods. "We have not reached unity yet. But we are close. And once we do, you will understand exactly what you're been fighting for, who you are meant to be. And they will, too, once we help them."
April shrugs. "I don't think it's that simple, Z."
"So?" Za-Naron twirls her, the lights of the ballroom flickering around them. "What part of this is simple?" She waves her hand and the other dancers flicker out of sight, leaving them alone. Something about their disappearance makes April's gut clench. Why? It's not real.
"Every passing day," Za-Naron says, "I get to know you a little better." She moves faster and faster, whirling April with her until their feet don't quite touch the ground. "I've seen things they've never dreamed of. And if they're not ready to handle that, the joke's on them."
 
Respect. Admiration. Faith. Things she's never really had from the people she loves up until then. And even now she doesn't even know if it was real, how much of her own bullshit Za-Naron believed.
She thought Irma's betrayal hurt, but that was just a knife to the heart. This is bare hands ripping her heart out of her chest and pouring acid on the cavity before leaving her to crumble.
 
"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?"
They're in a room made of crystal, a thousand glinting facets reflecting them from every angle. April stands naked, hands on her sides, totally exposed. Za-Naron is behind her, a gentle hand on her back.
"I..." She swallows hard. Did she always have that many freckles?
"I don't just mean your physical form, of course." Za-Naron leans forward, planting a soft kiss on April's neck. "When I look at you, I see a being made of pure light. Power I have not seen for longer than human words can name."
"That's, um, nice." She's blushing now, the redness spreading down her face and across her chest, clashing horrible with her hair. What the hell is going on? Karai's flirting and Donnie's fixations never made her feel like this.
"They don't see you like I do," Za-Naron whispers, and April jolts in surprise. Za-Naron's hand brushes across her cheek, directing her gaze to the mirror before. April gasps at the sight.
Looking back at them at two figures maybe of swirling, darting fire, rippling and flowing with color. April raises a hand and the smaller figure does, too, glittering afterimages trailing through the air.
And wings--the figure has wings, too, just like Za-Naron's. They pulse and flutter in time with her heartbeat, sending light dancing off the crystal like disco balls.
"People look at you and they see a princess, a doll, a pretty toy to play with," Za-Naron says. Her hands slide down April's spine, teasing between her legs. April groans, and she sees--she can feel--the wings flutter. "I see a goddess, waiting to be unleashed."
Those tendrils are nudging her against her, pushing her forward. April staggers, letting out a yelp as her hands slap against the crystal. She only has a heartbeat to brace herself before Za-Naron's slipping inside, filling up with pulsing heat.
And it's good, so good, so why does she suddenly glimpse a dark tear drifting down her face in the mirror? It's gone in a heartbeat, and she manages to convince herself she imagined it right before she watches their shimmering bodies flare up with searing waves of pleasure.
The crystal burns around them, reflecting with light and ringing with their cries. It looks like hell, it feels like heaven, and there is no place April would rather be.
(Right?)
 
There's a twisted, ugly part of her that misses it. She doesn't know if it's a side effect of Za-Naron's influence or if it was in her all along, this wretchedness. She doesn't want to know.

Her legs are still sticky with sex as she and Za-Naron make their way through some kind of gallery. Tormented figures loom and twist on the walls, arcs of different-colored blood cutting the air.
"What is this?" she asks, wincing at a particularly gruesome display. 
"Greed. Intolerance. Fear. Rape. Murder, Cruelty." Za-Naron's fingers tap at her side as she speaks, trembling with anger. "The dark mechanics of the universe. Sentient life has grown sick and corrupted with the weight of it."
She swallows hard. "It ruined my people. And it...damaged me." She glances at one picture, a blur of bloodstained white wings circling a small figure lying curled up on the ground. An
April bites her lip, heart clenching at the sight. "I'm so sorry."
Za-Naron shakes her head. "The problem is that there is no single monster responsible--no Kraang, no Triceratons, no single devil to defeat. In order to make it stop, we must do something more...expansive."
"We?" April asks.
"Of course." Za-Naron turns to look at her. "You have been growing stronger, have you not? Pushing your limits."
A curl of defensiveness flickers through her. "To protect my friends."
"And what do we have?" Za-Naron asks, raising an eyeridge. "Is that for your friends, too?"
"I..." April bites her lip and looks away, feeling uncomfortable for reasons she can't quite grasp.
"April." She's drawn back by that voice the way she always is, her arms and legs going still as Za-Naron draws near. One cool hand brushes up along the back of her neck, stroking her hair, as Za-Naron pulls her close.
"Your creators wanted to give you a destiny of destruction," Za-Naron murmurs . "Is that what you want? To be the kind of person who lets whole civilizations fall when she could do something to stop it?"
"No, but--"
"You've seen that evil sentient beings are capable of first hands," Za-Naron says. "They must be tamed, if any of it is to survive. And that will be impossible without a great cleansing first."
"Are you sure--"
"This is your destiny, my love," Za-Naron says, grip tightening ever so slightly. Swirls of energy pulse over April's skin, teasing the ends of her hair. "All you have to do is claim it."
April blinks. Za-Naron's right, of course. She's always right. April can't imagine why she ever felt otherwise.
She reaches out to yank Za-Naron into a kiss, suddenly desperate for her taste her smell her everything. It seems impossible that she ever lived without it.
"I love you," she breathes, and she means it. She might not remember any of this in the morning, but that doesn't make it any less true.
"And I you." Za-Naron's smile is as sharp and bright as a shard of glass. "More than words can say."
The pictures ripple away, the floor melting into softness as she's lowered down. April groans as Za-Naron enters her again, thrusting up inside her.
"Close," she groans. "So close, my love." Her hands caress April's temples, digging into her skin. "All you have to do is let me in."
"T-think you already are, Z," April groans.
"Ah, my love." Her hands dig deeper, this side of sharp, and April cries out as bright flickers dance before her eyes. "We're just getting started."
The sensations engulf her, and she's unraveled into nothing.
 
"It's not your fault," Karai says, after the others recruited her to help search when April didn't answer their calls. She'd used her mutagen senses to find April outside the bars, but she hadn't said anything, just sat her on a step and let her cry.
Karai didn't say anything when April babbled her tale of woe, spilling more about what happened than she ever has to anyone before. There was no mockery, no biting words like April had expected, maybe anticipated.
She’d had a similar experience when the Shredder brainwashed her, Karai said. And ‘yeah, O’Neil, that means exactly what you think it means.’
"Monsters take you, and use you, and make you like it," she says, her eyes more tender and more wounded than April ever imagined possible. "That doesn't put it on you, O'Neil."
"But it hurts," April sobs.
"I know." Karai pets her hair, with a gentleness that makes April crumple up inside, because she doesn't think Za-Naron ever touched her quite like that. "I know, baby. I'm sorry."
And there's nothing else she can say, no quick fix-it, so April just spreads the pieces of herself across the ground and waits for the day she'll be something close to getting back together.