“A Misguided and Empty Mutt's Diary”
Misguidense
I was born, thrusted upon two humans who decided to have children, thinking it would improve their lives and make them happy. One of these two humans was my father, an atheist, the other was my mother, a christian. Growing up, I was homeschooled and attended Sunday school every week. Although I didn't get to experience a lot of awesome, iconic things growing up and was only drip-fed insignificant e-rated things, all the while having to listen to the two different humans who conceived me scream at each other almost all the time, I was still high on life, I thought nothing could ever go wrong, that God would always see us through and that the concept of family was something to be cherished, maintained and fought for.
What should’ve been a full eye-opener
It was late 2010, my mother had broke the news to me and my sibling that my father was leaving and that they were divorcing. I was of course distraught at first, but still being a relatively positive individual, I had garnered hope that my father would soon return after taking some time out away from the house to cool off, instead, he would end up getting with another woman, when he broke the news that he was doing so one night, all of my hope and will to live swept out of me and I cried in my room for hours until my face was white. At first, my mother comforted me, but when I sensibly and figuratively blamed God by saying he was a neglectful and horrible Individual for letting this situation happen, she did a complete 180 and berated and condescended to me for taking that stance, so from then on, I was essentially all alone. It didn't help matters that I had to start real school right around the time this all begun, it made me think school was a “prison”. By the time 2013 rolled around, My father moved across town to a new house with his new mate. I was done, I wanted to die. I of course hated God and still do, but I also developed a hatred for the concept of remarrying, individuals who have sex with more than one mate in their lifetime, as well as step parents, which in turn would make me hate my father for many years and make me think my mother was the “victim”.
A gifted distraction
Going through school, I was a broken depressed mess, I thought about ending my life frequently, everything I thought I knew was gone and I had nothing to look forward to but more of what I thought was “prison”. One fateful day in 2013 during one of my visits to my father's house, I stumbled across this show named “My Little Pony Friendship is Magic” I became devoted to the show and soon joined the Brony fandom and from that point on, I had belonging, I had purpose, I had a reason to live once again, I was saved. Over the coming years, I powered through the rest of school, started a slightly successful Brony reaction channel and got to go to three BronyCons. I was high on life once again and thought nothing could ever go wrong.
Consequences
I had made many good friends through the Brony fandom. My views on family and relationships along with my hatred for anyone who tried to sabotage that very concept had remained the same throughout my time in the Brony fandom, little would I know, this would come at a cost, a great cost. On another fateful day in late 2018, I found myself in a situation where I was doing something I shouldn't have, I had a wonderful friend at the time who still stuck by me and helped me to correct my wrongdoings, not long after by coincidence, he had mentioned that he had lost his virginity to the previous mate he had before he had met his current one at the time. Me being the way I was at the time, I was of course devastated and I told him that I did not believe it was right for a person to have more than one intimate partner in their lifetime. He rightfully got angry and offended at what I had said, especially after he had literally just helped me big time, the friendship ended shortly after and when another close friend of mine at the time who was in the same circle heard about how I had acted, he cut ties with me as well. Unfortunately, instead of learning for this, this only fueled my hatred for remarried people and step parents even further.
Emptiness
It was a tail end of 2019, BronyCon and My Little Pony Friendship is Magic had come to a close, it was bittersweet, but I was confident that everything was still going to be okay. 2020 - 2021, the world has now also come to a close, I was then left to do nothing but ponder in my own thoughts. Over this long period, I had come to an epiphany, an eye opener that I should have had many years ago. I was a mistake, everything I had thought and done was wrong. God does not love or care about us, which is why he lets the most horrendous things happen to us. If one wishes to have sex with more than one partner in their lifetime, it is not an evil or negative thing, sex has nothing to do with love or starting a family because love and family do not exist. Two individuals are not naturally designed to be together forever, otherwise they would never need to break up, everyone is meant to be independent and child free. Being a parent is not a natural or good thing, it will only cost and drag you down in life, my poor father had to learn that the hard way when not using condoms with my mother. I of course do not hate my father anymore and feel horrible for how I've treated him in the past for simply moving on and having his own personal life away from the biggest mistake he had made, which is me. My mother, whom I thought was the “victim”, who still believes in love and family, who still believes that my father “abandoned” me and my sibling and who still believes I'm a bad person for rightfully hating God, she can go fuck herself. School was never “prison”, it was a place that taught me many useful things and helped me get good jobs. I have to live with the fact now that in hindsight, I was never the “hero”, I'm just a failed abortion who ruined so many things for himself, all because I believed in love and family. My Little Pony Friendship is Magic and the Brony fandom were merely a distraction from that truth. If not outright aborted, I should have been given up for adoption and raised in an orphanage, at least then I would have had to work for every nice thing I have and I would have likely gotten to go to real school from kindergarten, I should have never been given anything growing up, not even praise. Here I stand now, a high-income, everything I could have ever wanted growing up in my non-childhood, yet now I'm miserable and overwhelmed with guilt. My Little Pony Friendship is Magic, BronyCon and the golden era of the Brony fandom have come and gone, I am still a Brony, that is something I will take to my grave, but I am out of a distraction now. I can't live with myself anymore, I'm done, I'm just a misguided, empty, stupid mutt.
I don't belong on this Earth.
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