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The answer to a question I 'think' has been asked this whole god damn novel.\n\nThis is the penultimate chapter. As such it 'should' have quite a few emotions. Will it? Well that's for you to judge.\n\nSilly rambling aside this has been a wild ride. I thank you to everyone who read. See you in the last one.", "description_bbcode_parsed": "And here we come to it. The answer to a question I 'think' has been asked this whole god damn novel.

This is the penultimate chapter. As such it 'should' have quite a few emotions. Will it? Well that's for you to judge.

Silly rambling aside this has been a wild ride. I thank you to everyone who read. See you in the last one.", "writing": "Leashed Chapter 24: What I want\nBy TerraMGP\n\n\tIt hadn’t been a long conversation. Technically it hadn’t been a conversation at all, since it had gone by though text. Simon didn’t quite recall everything he’d written that day. It was long. It probably had him saying sorry at least a few dozen times. It all amounted to little more than an anxiety dump on someone who was probably already anxious as fuck. The temptation to go back and read the first post was strong, but he didn’t dare.\n\n\tJustin’s response was… measured. In truth it was probably more than Simon deserved. He’d said it was probably better if they talked in person, and he told him where to meet if he wanted to talk. Two lines, and then a few more after to set the date and time. There was temptation to read into the fact that said date and time lined up perfectly with the appointments he’d usually had with Justine. In truth it was only logical. He’d made them initially for that time because he was free, right? Still…\n\n\tHe had to call in for the day of. He was just too nervous. He resisted the urge to dress up all femmy the way he had for his attempt to take down Collin last week. There was no way to know what would happen between them. If he was going to do this the worst idea was trying to dress himself up and sway any decision.\n\n\tRight?\n\n\tThe Golf pulled up next to the small excuse for a parking space. He would have thought it nothing more than some service access path or driveway if not for Justin’s car being there. A patch of dirt and a simple gate with a path going into the woods. Justin was already out of his car and fiddling on his phone. He looked ok enough. He also looked tired. The way he held himself Simon was worried he’d keel over any second.\n\n\tThe munk let himself out on to the dirt and gravel, then stood there. Not looking up or saying anything. He took deep breaths and dragged his feet while trying to keep himself calm. The air still held enough chill to help with that. The cold was bracing if not comforting. Out here in the woods it somehow tasted different than what he was used to in the stale office or even around campus. It was calm and quiet. It actually made a bit of sense why Justin would ask to meet him out here.\n\n\t“There you are.” That voice. He hadn’t heard it in ages. Justine’s voice had been weeks ago now and he missed that. But this? The firm tenor made his toes curl just a bit and his ears pin back. Simon felt himself smile even if the act itself somehow made him feel a bit stupid.\n\n\t“Sorry I kept you waiting.” A Sir stopped at the end. This was the absolute worst time to start dredging that shit up. Justin didn’t need any more stress and Simon didn’t need to fuck things up now.\n\t\n\t“It‘s fine.” The otter shrugged. “I assume you followed my instructions? You have your phone on you? Let someone know you’d be here?” Justin watched the very confused chipmunk carefully. \n\n\t“I, uh, I assume you mean ‘besides’ Gretchen” He laughed nervously. Simon slowly pulled his phone and held up a text he’d sent to his mother. ‘Going on a trail walk, friend said to leave a message and start location in case we get lost’. Along with a pin pointing to their current location.\n\n\tJustin nodded his approval and pushed his own phone back into his pocket. “Good boy.” The words were casual. Reflexive, even. The fact that they made Simon’s heart dance just a bit were utterly incidental. Though if Justin recognized that he didn’t say anything. He instead turned to the trail and made his way towards the simple hinged metal bar that served as a gate to stop idiots on motorcycles or dirt bikes from tearing their way into a foot path. \n\n\tSimon wondered about how effective such a thing really would be as he walked through the abundant space between the posts holding the arm in place and the forest itself. \n\n\tGretchen had been up front with Simon. She told him this was a place her Master liked to walk. He’d take long walks sometimes between classes or right after. When it was warmer last fall he took her out on a few. It was his thinking spot. A simple trail out near the KVCC campus. Something which ended up butting near Al Sabo at some point if Simon had read the map right. A very long path. Plenty of time for thinking, depending on how much of it they crossed before turning back.\n\n\tThat fact alone was an opening floodgate of anxiety slowly drowning every inch of Simon’s insides.\n\n\tThe walk was quiet. Justin didn’t seem inclined to say anything. Simon didn’t dare say anything. Birds and bugs sang their various discordant songs while they flitted about away from the reach of the sapient beings intruding on their domain. Only Justin’s deep breaths and the sound of his rudder tail occasionally dragging in the dirt really offset the cries of nature. The breaths were that special cadence anyone would know when they were staving off severe anxiety. Slow, deliberate, delicate as glass ready to shatter.\n\n\tSimon knew too well that the only thing he could do was keep his mouth shut until the other was ready to speak.\n\n\t“I want to say I’m sorry, first of all.” The words did indeed shatter that stillness. Even knowing they were coming didn’t change how jarring it was.\n\n\t“I don’t know what you’d have to be sorry for.” Simon whimpered.\n\n\tThe otter shook his head and pulled his heavy leather coat around himself nice and tight. It was cold, but hardly that cold. Simon had no idea why he’d still be wearing it. “I think you do.” he sighed “But I guess you might not. For one thing Justine isn’t going to be around for a while. Gretchen already told you I got fired from the club. For now, at least.”\n\n\t“Y-yeah.” Simon nodded “But that’s ok. I mean your health hast to come first, right?”\n\n\t“I ’am’ healthy.” The response disproved itself in tone alone. “Ultimately this is Madame Dubois’ call. She’s right that if something comes up and I fuck up then someone can get hurt. I couldn’t live with myself if someone got injured or killed because of me. Not like that. But I’m not sick. I’m taking my meds. I ’should’ be fine. I should be able to… fuck, I should be able to do some of this. Any of it.”\n\n\tSimon had been holding himself back a bit and only now began to rush his way forwards. He grabbed a young green branch that had grown into the path and carefully bent it back enough for Justin to pass. The otter shot him an odd glance. Only then did Simon realize that the other man had been looking at the ground the whole time. His whole body stooped with a massive emotional weight.\n\n\t“I enjoyed serving Justine. I enjoyed worshiping her. B-but you have to understand I’d feel the same way if being her that much made you get hurt or feel sick. Obviously I don’t know everything that’s going on. But I won’t ask you to hurt yourself because of me.”\n\n\tA heavy work boot kicked pebbles and debris down the path. Justin’s rudder slammed itself down into the dirt. His whole body shook ever so slightly as he twisted to look Simon right in the eye. “Yeah, well, I’m the one who inserted himself into your life after that, and then made you feel like a damn stalker.” He snapped.\n\n\tThe proclamation hit like a brick to the teeth. Simon’s eyes widened and he leaned back almost to the point of falling over. “I, uh, I mean, I…”\n\n\t“It’s true, isn’t it?” Justin sighed. “Some random guy you happen to know drags you out and basically bosses you around into your next car purchase. That’s a huge thing. I basically forced you into it.”\n\n\t“You knew what you were talking about” The munk chirped back firmly “A-and I could have said no at any time. I’m the one who showed up, and who kept calling you Sir the whole time even though it was probably making you uncomfortable.” He huffed. “Then I kept popping up around you and your pets.”\n\n\tJustin shook his head and turned away, sighing heavily. “Gretchen is free to be friends with who she wants. This isn’t some fantasy where I keep her locked in the house and control her life. Much as I think she’d freakin’ adore that.” A bitter laugh and a few long moments of silence. Justin was stopping himself from saying or doing something, though god only knew what. “We could play this game all day. But the fact is I started it, and because of that I worry you’re going to end up feeling worse when I’m not around to be ’her’. Beyond that I’m probably going to be around now and then since you and Gretchen are friends.” He laughed at the words and sucked in some air though his teeth. “Which, by the way, GG on that. Never expected her to let anyone in.”\n\n\t“W-well it was more like she grabbed me and dragged me in, if I’m honest.” Simon whimpered and chuckled gently. “Not that I mind. She, she’s really helped me a lot.”\n\n\t“She’s a good girl” Justin nodded “but I wanted to tell you in person that I was sorry. I figured I owed you that much.”\n\n\t“Not the others?” Simon asked\n\n\tJustin shook his head. “Let’s be real here. You’re going to see me around. ‘Me’, not her. I’m going to pick Gretchen up from FNM. I’m going to be picking her up from campus on occasion. Probably more now that I don’t have two jobs to juggle. I’m just trying to-”\n\n\t“It’s because I called you ’Sir’, right?” Simon sighed “I mean, the reason we’re here.” He ignored Justin’s shock and shook his head “Things got complicated. I know I fucked up, and I made you uncomfortable. Right?”\n\n\tA sad chuckle and a few heavy sighs vented most of the frustration which had caused Simon to say it in the first place. To finally put what this was really about out into the open air.\n\n\tFor his part Justin simply sighed and nodded ever so slightly. “That’s part of it.” He muttered. \n\n\t“More than part of it.” Simon’s words firm “I made things weird. One little Freudian slip and, well, even if you hadn’t gone though whatever you went though, I was still barred from Justine until things got less weird, right?”\n\n\t“That is one way to put it.” Justin sighed.\n\n\t“It’s the truth.” Simon’s resolve only seeming to grow. “W-we both know it is. It felt like I was conflating Justine with you. I was creeping in on your real life and outside of just your work. We both know it! A-and like you said, I kept pushing in other places too. I was calling you ‘Sir’ in the parking lot when you helped me get that car and I was calling you ‘My Sir’ to your friend. As if Justine owned me instead of just being the one I paid for kinky sex, and thus it meant you did by proxy. That’s what this is about, isn’t it?”\n\n\t“First of all.” Justin’s tone strained now. “I had a breakdown before this one, too. So before you go wallowing too deep in the pity party I think it’s important to know that whatever is wrong it’s wrong with me. It sounds like you’re blaming yourself for my fucked up state and that’s not how it is. Got it?” He groaned. “As for the rest…”\n\n\tJustin’s hands were trembling. Even shoved into the pockets of that heavy coat it was obvious. The way his boots hit the ground and his tail slapped his jeans. The way his shoulders slumped. If it hadn’t been his idea to come here Simon would have felt horrible. He still felt pretty damn guilty considering this was still all his fault.\n\n\t“I have no problem with you being around. I have no problem with you being Gretchen’s friend. I’m thrilled with that, in fact. I have a huge problem with the cut to my income I’m going to face from losing this job, but that’s entirely down to my stupid body and my stupid brain not doing what they are supposed to. But, and this is the big but, we need to clear the air first if that’s all going to work out. We both know where we stand, I think. But it’s easier if we put it all into words and be done with it. Like I said I can’t promise Justine will be back, but if you want to be her client again when and if she is, then that’s more than fine. If you want to still be Gretchen’s friend, that’s fine too. As for anything else, well, that’s what I want to get cleared up now. Over and done with. Right?”\n\n\tTo say he wasn’t expecting this would be a lie. Maybe not this exactly, but Simon knew something like this had to happen. He knew what Justin was asking even if the other man clearly still felt anxious about putting it into words. Really they could probably both dance around it forever at this rate. In that moment, though, he could not. In one glorious moment of awkward clarity, Simon felt everything click into place. He looked into Justin’s eyes and took a deep breath. “The thing is, I’m not gay.” He started, and instantly held up a paw, cutting off what he knew Justin would say. “please, let me finish. I’m not gay. But I think I want to be forced to be…”\n\n\tJustin’s eyebrow quirked at that. He was putting two and two together and somehow getting ‘fish’. Simon let his eyes slip shut and allowed the sound of the other man’s footsteps to guide him. “I think about you ‘way’ more than I should. And not just you. I’m not gay. I don’t identify as gay, or bi. I don’t ‘want’ to. But the idea of being ‘made’ to. The idea that these feelings are being ‘forced’ on me. The idea that I’m so weak I don’t even get a choice. Not next to a bigger, stronger, cute boy.” He flicked his eyes up at Justin though longer, shaggy headfur than he’d had when they started. The near turquoise orbs were utterly obscured by bangs. His little tail waggled happily and he could feel the bush flooding his cheeks to bursting.\n\n\t“You realize how porn brained that sounds, right?” The very reasonable otter sighed.\n\n\tSimon nodded enthusiastically. His steps now almost skipping. “I know it is. I don’t care. I want to be ‘forced’ to be gay. You said to be honest. I want my head fucked with. I want someone who’s going to gaslight me about it. I want to get turned on by femmy guys, and even not-femmy guys. When I see a cute girl, I want my thoughts to end up being how much I want to wear her cut-up striped arm socks or how pretty her makeup might be on me. I want to be limp no matter how much I’d want to be hard. I want to get giddy when my owner calls me a Faggot.” The more he said, the more he shrank. It felt like hunks of his soul were being used to power the stream of confession. That each one took more and more energy out of him. Not just energy, but strength and confidence. As if his very agency was being offered up on a silver platter.\n\n\tBut then, wasn’t it?\n\n\t“So that’s what you want Justine to do?” Justin quirked his head\n\n\t“No!” Simon snapped. “No… S-sir.” The boy’s paw slipped into Justin’s. He took a few breaths and then looked up with a tear filled smile. “It’s what I want ‘you’ to do. It’s scary , and confusing, and I’m sure I’ll fuck it up somehow because I fuck everything up. B-but I’m tired of feeling so hollow. I’m tired of just trying to shove things into this hole in my heart hoping it’ll stop aching at some point!” \n\n\t“So you want Justine-”\n\n\t“No! I want you to do it. A-and, and not… not like at the club. I mean I know you can’t right now anyways. What I’m saying is… What I’m saying is I want you to claim me, Sir!” The words choked hard. “Claim me and use me however you want. Take all my stuff and sell it. Lend me out. Send me to the club to make you money so you can stop working! You can make me be Jeanette at any time. E-even put me on HRT if you want! I mean if you think I’d be cuter as-”\n\n\tA paw gripped his muzzle. Simon felt the tears streaming down his cheeks now. For the second time he was breaking down in front of this man. Shaking and confused with nothing left in him. His heart out in the open for all to see.\n\n\tJustin simply smiled, and guided the inexperienced boy into a soft, gentle kiss. His first kiss. A sweet, almost chaste touch of lips.\n\n\t“How about we start with a date.” Justin sighed. “Then see where things go from there.”\n\n\t“Y-you mean it?” Simon’s voice cracked\n\n\tJustin drew in another breath and huffed out what was probably as much tension as Simon had been feeling all night “I can’t make any promises. Also it’s not like it’s going to just be you and me, or I’m just going to slap a collar around your neck. But this is why I asked. You’re cute, Simon. Honestly I felt kind of guilty finding you this cute when I’m with two partners. It doesn’t seem fair that they wouldn't get to know you or have a say. But Gretchen does know you. She likes you more than most people. So if you’re willing to go slow and risk it…”\n\n\tThe rodent boy nodded his head firmly and laughed though ha sob “Yes, Sir” he whimpered.\n\n\tJustin’s smile grew as he gently nudged the boy back, Simon’s back pushed up against a tree as the otter moved up and loomed, gripping his face firmly once more. “Not Sir. Not quite yet. But we’ll see”", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "Leashed Chapter 24: What I want
By TerraMGP

\tIt hadn’t been a long conversation. Technically it hadn’t been a conversation at all, since it had gone by though text. Simon didn’t quite recall everything he’d written that day. It was long. It probably had him saying sorry at least a few dozen times. It all amounted to little more than an anxiety dump on someone who was probably already anxious as fuck. The temptation to go back and read the first post was strong, but he didn’t dare.

\tJustin’s response was… measured. In truth it was probably more than Simon deserved. He’d said it was probably better if they talked in person, and he told him where to meet if he wanted to talk. Two lines, and then a few more after to set the date and time. There was temptation to read into the fact that said date and time lined up perfectly with the appointments he’d usually had with Justine. In truth it was only logical. He’d made them initially for that time because he was free, right? Still…

\tHe had to call in for the day of. He was just too nervous. He resisted the urge to dress up all femmy the way he had for his attempt to take down Collin last week. There was no way to know what would happen between them. If he was going to do this the worst idea was trying to dress himself up and sway any decision.

\tRight?

\tThe Golf pulled up next to the small excuse for a parking space. He would have thought it nothing more than some service access path or driveway if not for Justin’s car being there. A patch of dirt and a simple gate with a path going into the woods. Justin was already out of his car and fiddling on his phone. He looked ok enough. He also looked tired. The way he held himself Simon was worried he’d keel over any second.

\tThe munk let himself out on to the dirt and gravel, then stood there. Not looking up or saying anything. He took deep breaths and dragged his feet while trying to keep himself calm. The air still held enough chill to help with that. The cold was bracing if not comforting. Out here in the woods it somehow tasted different than what he was used to in the stale office or even around campus. It was calm and quiet. It actually made a bit of sense why Justin would ask to meet him out here.

\t“There you are.” That voice. He hadn’t heard it in ages. Justine’s voice had been weeks ago now and he missed that. But this? The firm tenor made his toes curl just a bit and his ears pin back. Simon felt himself smile even if the act itself somehow made him feel a bit stupid.

\t“Sorry I kept you waiting.” A Sir stopped at the end. This was the absolute worst time to start dredging that shit up. Justin didn’t need any more stress and Simon didn’t need to fuck things up now.
\t
\t“It‘s fine.” The otter shrugged. “I assume you followed my instructions? You have your phone on you? Let someone know you’d be here?” Justin watched the very confused chipmunk carefully.

\t“I, uh, I assume you mean ‘besides’ Gretchen” He laughed nervously. Simon slowly pulled his phone and held up a text he’d sent to his mother. ‘Going on a trail walk, friend said to leave a message and start location in case we get lost’. Along with a pin pointing to their current location.

\tJustin nodded his approval and pushed his own phone back into his pocket. “Good boy.” The words were casual. Reflexive, even. The fact that they made Simon’s heart dance just a bit were utterly incidental. Though if Justin recognized that he didn’t say anything. He instead turned to the trail and made his way towards the simple hinged metal bar that served as a gate to stop idiots on motorcycles or dirt bikes from tearing their way into a foot path.

\tSimon wondered about how effective such a thing really would be as he walked through the abundant space between the posts holding the arm in place and the forest itself.

\tGretchen had been up front with Simon. She told him this was a place her Master liked to walk. He’d take long walks sometimes between classes or right after. When it was warmer last fall he took her out on a few. It was his thinking spot. A simple trail out near the KVCC campus. Something which ended up butting near Al Sabo at some point if Simon had read the map right. A very long path. Plenty of time for thinking, depending on how much of it they crossed before turning back.

\tThat fact alone was an opening floodgate of anxiety slowly drowning every inch of Simon’s insides.

\tThe walk was quiet. Justin didn’t seem inclined to say anything. Simon didn’t dare say anything. Birds and bugs sang their various discordant songs while they flitted about away from the reach of the sapient beings intruding on their domain. Only Justin’s deep breaths and the sound of his rudder tail occasionally dragging in the dirt really offset the cries of nature. The breaths were that special cadence anyone would know when they were staving off severe anxiety. Slow, deliberate, delicate as glass ready to shatter.

\tSimon knew too well that the only thing he could do was keep his mouth shut until the other was ready to speak.

\t“I want to say I’m sorry, first of all.” The words did indeed shatter that stillness. Even knowing they were coming didn’t change how jarring it was.

\t“I don’t know what you’d have to be sorry for.” Simon whimpered.

\tThe otter shook his head and pulled his heavy leather coat around himself nice and tight. It was cold, but hardly that cold. Simon had no idea why he’d still be wearing it. “I think you do.” he sighed “But I guess you might not. For one thing Justine isn’t going to be around for a while. Gretchen already told you I got fired from the club. For now, at least.”

\t“Y-yeah.” Simon nodded “But that’s ok. I mean your health hast to come first, right?”

\t“I ’am’ healthy.” The response disproved itself in tone alone. “Ultimately this is Madame Dubois’ call. She’s right that if something comes up and I fuck up then someone can get hurt. I couldn’t live with myself if someone got injured or killed because of me. Not like that. But I’m not sick. I’m taking my meds. I ’should’ be fine. I should be able to… fuck, I should be able to do some of this. Any of it.”

\tSimon had been holding himself back a bit and only now began to rush his way forwards. He grabbed a young green branch that had grown into the path and carefully bent it back enough for Justin to pass. The otter shot him an odd glance. Only then did Simon realize that the other man had been looking at the ground the whole time. His whole body stooped with a massive emotional weight.

\t“I enjoyed serving Justine. I enjoyed worshiping her. B-but you have to understand I’d feel the same way if being her that much made you get hurt or feel sick. Obviously I don’t know everything that’s going on. But I won’t ask you to hurt yourself because of me.”

\tA heavy work boot kicked pebbles and debris down the path. Justin’s rudder slammed itself down into the dirt. His whole body shook ever so slightly as he twisted to look Simon right in the eye. “Yeah, well, I’m the one who inserted himself into your life after that, and then made you feel like a damn stalker.” He snapped.

\tThe proclamation hit like a brick to the teeth. Simon’s eyes widened and he leaned back almost to the point of falling over. “I, uh, I mean, I…”

\t“It’s true, isn’t it?” Justin sighed. “Some random guy you happen to know drags you out and basically bosses you around into your next car purchase. That’s a huge thing. I basically forced you into it.”

\t“You knew what you were talking about” The munk chirped back firmly “A-and I could have said no at any time. I’m the one who showed up, and who kept calling you Sir the whole time even though it was probably making you uncomfortable.” He huffed. “Then I kept popping up around you and your pets.”

\tJustin shook his head and turned away, sighing heavily. “Gretchen is free to be friends with who she wants. This isn’t some fantasy where I keep her locked in the house and control her life. Much as I think she’d freakin’ adore that.” A bitter laugh and a few long moments of silence. Justin was stopping himself from saying or doing something, though god only knew what. “We could play this game all day. But the fact is I started it, and because of that I worry you’re going to end up feeling worse when I’m not around to be ’her’. Beyond that I’m probably going to be around now and then since you and Gretchen are friends.” He laughed at the words and sucked in some air though his teeth. “Which, by the way, GG on that. Never expected her to let anyone in.”

\t“W-well it was more like she grabbed me and dragged me in, if I’m honest.” Simon whimpered and chuckled gently. “Not that I mind. She, she’s really helped me a lot.”

\t“She’s a good girl” Justin nodded “but I wanted to tell you in person that  I was sorry. I figured I owed you that much.”

\t“Not the others?” Simon asked

\tJustin shook his head. “Let’s be real here. You’re going to see me around. ‘Me’, not her. I’m going to pick Gretchen up from FNM. I’m going to be picking her up from campus on occasion. Probably more now that I don’t have two jobs to juggle. I’m just trying to-”

\t“It’s because I called you ’Sir’, right?” Simon sighed “I mean, the reason we’re here.” He ignored Justin’s shock and shook his head “Things got complicated. I know I fucked up, and I made you uncomfortable. Right?”

\tA sad chuckle and a few heavy sighs vented most of the frustration which had caused Simon to say it in the first place. To finally put what this was really about out into the open air.

\tFor his part Justin simply sighed and nodded ever so slightly. “That’s part of it.” He muttered.

\t“More than part of it.” Simon’s words firm “I made things weird. One little Freudian slip and, well, even if you hadn’t gone though whatever you went though, I was still barred from Justine until things got less weird, right?”

\t“That is one way to put it.” Justin sighed.

\t“It’s the truth.” Simon’s resolve only seeming to grow. “W-we both know it is. It felt like I was conflating Justine with you. I was creeping in on your real life and outside of just your work. We both know it! A-and like you said, I kept pushing in other places too. I was calling you ‘Sir’ in the parking lot when you helped me get that car and I was calling you ‘My Sir’ to your friend. As if Justine owned me instead of just being the one I paid for kinky sex, and thus it meant you did by proxy. That’s what this is about, isn’t it?”

\t“First of all.” Justin’s tone strained now. “I had a breakdown before this one, too. So before you go wallowing too deep in the pity party I think it’s important to know that whatever is wrong it’s wrong with me. It sounds like you’re blaming yourself for my fucked up state and that’s not how it is. Got it?” He groaned. “As for the rest…”

\tJustin’s hands were trembling. Even shoved into the pockets of that heavy coat it was obvious. The way his boots hit the ground and his tail slapped his jeans. The way his shoulders slumped. If it hadn’t been his idea to come here Simon would have felt horrible. He still felt pretty damn guilty considering this was still all his fault.

\t“I have no problem with you being around. I have no problem with you being Gretchen’s friend. I’m thrilled with that, in fact. I have a huge problem with the cut to my income I’m going to face from losing this job, but that’s entirely down to my stupid body and my stupid brain not doing what they are supposed to. But, and this is the big but, we need to clear the air first if that’s all going to work out. We both know where we stand, I think. But it’s easier if we put it all into words and be done with it. Like I said I can’t promise Justine will be back, but if you want to be her client again when and if she is, then that’s more than fine. If you want to still be Gretchen’s friend, that’s fine too. As for anything else, well, that’s what I want to get cleared up now. Over and done with. Right?”

\tTo say he wasn’t expecting this would be a lie. Maybe not this exactly, but Simon knew something like this had to happen. He knew what Justin was asking even if the other man clearly still felt anxious about putting it into words. Really they could probably both dance around it forever at this rate. In that moment, though, he could not. In one glorious moment of awkward clarity, Simon felt everything click into place. He looked into Justin’s eyes and took a deep breath.  “The thing is, I’m not gay.” He started, and instantly held up a paw, cutting off what he knew Justin would say. “please, let me finish. I’m not gay. But I think I want to be forced to be…”

\tJustin’s eyebrow quirked at that. He was putting two and two together and somehow getting ‘fish’. Simon let his eyes slip shut and allowed the sound of the other man’s footsteps to guide him. “I think about you ‘way’ more than I should. And not just you. I’m not gay. I don’t identify as gay, or bi. I don’t ‘want’ to. But the idea of being ‘made’ to. The idea that these feelings are being ‘forced’ on me. The idea that I’m so weak I don’t even get a choice. Not next to a bigger, stronger, cute boy.” He flicked his eyes up at Justin though longer, shaggy headfur than he’d had when they started. The near turquoise orbs were utterly obscured by bangs. His little tail waggled happily and he could feel the bush flooding his cheeks to bursting.

\t“You realize how porn brained that sounds, right?” The very reasonable otter sighed.

\tSimon nodded enthusiastically. His steps now almost skipping. “I know it is. I don’t care. I want to be ‘forced’ to be gay. You said to be honest. I want my head fucked with. I want someone who’s going to gaslight me about it. I want to get turned on by femmy guys, and even not-femmy guys. When I see a cute girl, I want my thoughts to end up being how much I want to wear her cut-up striped arm socks or how pretty her makeup might be on me. I want to be limp no matter how much I’d want to be hard. I want to get giddy when my owner calls me a Faggot.” The more he said, the more he shrank. It felt like hunks of his soul were being used to power the stream of confession. That each one took more and more energy out of him. Not just energy, but strength and confidence. As if his very agency was being offered up on a silver platter.

\tBut then, wasn’t it?

\t“So that’s what you want Justine to do?” Justin quirked his head

\t“No!” Simon snapped. “No… S-sir.” The boy’s paw slipped into Justin’s. He took a few breaths and then looked up with a tear filled smile. “It’s what I want ‘you’ to do. It’s scary , and confusing, and I’m sure I’ll fuck it up somehow because I fuck everything up. B-but I’m tired of feeling so hollow. I’m tired of just trying to shove things into this hole in my heart hoping it’ll stop aching at some point!”

\t“So you want Justine-”

\t“No! I want you to do it. A-and, and not… not like at the club. I mean I know you can’t right now anyways. What I’m saying is… What I’m saying is I want you to claim me, Sir!” The words choked hard. “Claim me and use me however you want. Take all my stuff and sell it. Lend me out. Send me to the club to make you money so you can stop working! You can make me be Jeanette at any time. E-even put me on HRT if you want! I mean if you think I’d be cuter as-”

\tA paw gripped his muzzle. Simon felt the tears streaming down his cheeks now. For the second time he was breaking down in front of this man. Shaking and confused with nothing left in him. His heart out in the open for all to see.

\tJustin simply smiled, and guided the inexperienced boy into a soft, gentle kiss. His first kiss. A sweet, almost chaste touch of lips.

\t“How about we start with a date.” Justin sighed. “Then see where things go from there.”

\t“Y-you mean it?” Simon’s voice cracked

\tJustin drew in another breath and huffed out what was probably as much tension as Simon had been feeling all night “I can’t make any promises. Also it’s not like it’s going to just be you and me, or I’m just going to slap a collar around your neck. But this is why I asked. You’re cute, Simon. Honestly I felt kind of guilty finding you this cute when I’m with two partners. It doesn’t seem fair that they wouldn't get to know you or have a say. But Gretchen does know you. She likes you more than most people. So if you’re willing to go slow and risk it…”

\tThe rodent boy nodded his head firmly and laughed though ha sob “Yes, Sir” he whimpered.

\tJustin’s smile grew as he gently nudged the boy back, Simon’s back pushed up against a tree as the otter moved up and loomed, gripping his face firmly once more. “Not Sir. Not quite yet. But we’ll see”", "pools_count": 1, "title": "Leashed Chapter 24: What I want", "deleted": "f", "public": "t", "mimetype": "application/msword", "pagecount": "1", "rating_id": "2", "rating_name": "Adult", "ratings": [ { "content_tag_id": "4", "name": "Sexual Themes", "description": "Erotic imagery, sexual activity or arousal", "rating_id": "2" } ], "submission_type_id": "12", "type_name": "Writing - Document", "guest_block": "t", "friends_only": "f", "comments_count": "0", "views": "10" }