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But it's more 'not ok' than usual.\n\nSorry, going to try and put more out.", "description_bbcode_parsed": "So I'm not ok.

I'll put up a journal explaining it. But it's more 'not ok' than usual.

Sorry, going to try and put more out.", "writing": "Collared Chapter 39: Writers Block\nBy TerraMGP\n\n\t“Bonjure, je m’appelle…”\n\n\t“Bonjure, je m’appelle Hui.”\n\n\t“Comment vas-tu?”\n\n\t“Comment vas-tu?”\n\n\t“Ou est la bibliotheque”\n\n\t“Ou ext la Bi-Blio-theeeeequeeee”\n\n\tHui giggled to herself at the last recitation. The sexy stank slathered over the question was likely something only her beloved Master and precious little slave could possibly understand. It was enough that she even found herself slipping into a nasal giggle-snort.\n\n\tWhich was good, because she hadn’t been laughing much lately.\n\n\tSchool was dumb. It wasn’t hard. At least it had never been hard for her. But the fact that they needed a full year of a foreign language with no way to skip it was absolutely dumb. Plenty of people failed to even grasp English and here they were being told to do something they’d never use and probably forget unless they ended up working with people who spoke Spanish enough to justify having a conversation with them in it. Worse, the school didn’t even have a course in ‘Chinese’ so it wasn’t even like she could get any use out of being a polyglot. Not that she imagined most people in America even knew the difference between Mandarin and anything else spoken in China.\n\n\tFrench just seemed like something fun, and close enough to English to help keep her in the proper headspace. That was where her mind had been, after all. English. \n\n\tThe whole first semester of senior year had thus far been spent in a dream class. AP credits for taking an annex course from one of, no, from her favorite author. Ester Peterson. The mouse woman had been amazing. She was smart, she was sharp, and she didn’t put up with crap from anyone. She couldn’t have been taller than Hui. In fact she was probably shorter. Yet she held the reigns of her class with the iron-and-velvet grip of a true dommie. Made even better by finding out the woman was a switch!\n\n\tAll of it should have been enough inspiration. More than enough, Her thousand words a day should have been ten thousand at least just knowing that one of her heroes would actually read them! \n\n\tBut she couldn’t. The tank was dry. Nothing came. No porn. No romance. Not even a mindless action scene. She sat there in a sea of blank anxiety pausing only long enough to look up from her sewing machine to the laptop. The dread void of a blank word processor coupled with the window-in-window display of her media player rattling though the French lessons once again.\n\n\tShe then winced. Looking down at the latest birds nest popping though the layers of lilac and frost blue faux-silk she’d been painstakingly stitching together.\n\n\t“Merde!” The red panda hissed. Her eyes narrowing while she fumbled around for her stitch ripper.\n\n\tAt some point while she was plucking away at her mistakes, Hui felt the familiar presence of her mother entering the room. She didn’t look up to greet her. Little more than a small nod to acknowledge the older woman even after the heavy thud of books landed on the desk by her laptop.\n\n\t“I brought you a brochure for Andrews.” Ling kept her tone present. She did her best to keep the notes of exasperation out of her voice. \n\n\tThings had been deteriorating between Hui and her mother, though. Andrews University being the main sticking point. With that in mind Hui felt it best to keep her mouth shut for as long as possible.\n\n\tThat attempt strained when her mother moved beside her and slipped down beside her daughter on the bed. The jolt was almost enough for Hui to gouge into the delicate fabric she’d been fussing over this whole week. “What’s that you’re working on?” The mother wah’s words were kind enough. Unfortunately it was a song and dance the two had been fighting with all senior year.\n\n\t“A Hanfu” Hui’s tone as pleasant as she could muster “I figure next year when we do Renfaire It’ll be nice to be ready. I’ve been trying to think up a good character.”\n\n\t“Will anyone really know about a character if you’re just walking around in costume?” Ling, as usual, was unable to hide the slight contempt she held for the silly activity.\n\n\tHui simply shrugged and finished getting things back to where she could resume her stitch once more. She didn’t start, though. Even if she wanted to she simply didn’t have the balls to do that to her mother. “It’s good to have a character idea in mind to inform things before you start. Even if other people don’t know. Besides it’s better than sitting doing nothing while I practice French. Still sucks they won’t let me just take a pass on this stuff.”\n\n\t“French could be useful in the future.” Ling was quick to chime. Her way of being sportive, for whatever that was worth.\n\n\tThe comment drew a fake smile and a small shrug. “I guess. I’m stuck on my AP writing though. I haven’t even started the project for my final.”\n\n\t“That’s quite concerning.” Her mother’s tone darkened “With how much you have been obsessing over that class, it’s the one I’d been worried least about you passing. Yet you’re telling me you’re struggling?”\n\n\tHui was quick to turn her eyes back to the half-a-hanfu in front of her. She fiddled frantically with the fabric for a few moments while casting a glance back up to her mother every now and then. Fortunately the older woman didn’t know too much about sewing so the busy work bought her a few moments to think.\n\n\tNothing came of it, though. Soon Hui had to let the material drop in defeat and slump herself back once more. “This isn’t just another class, mom. I really want to impress Mz. Peterson. I don’t think you really get how big of a deal she is.”\n\n\tLing’s brow furrowed. She reached over and flicked the off switch on the sewing machine as she so often did with any electronics when looking to make a point. “I understand you enjoy her writing. But if its going to harm your chances of getting into a good school then I wish you would have considered that. What matters is fulfilling the assignment. A bad grade now would do tremendous damage to you. Especially after working so hard.”\n\n\t“It’s not like that!” Hui yipped “You can’t just turn creativity on and off.”\n\n\t“But you can push though the work, yes?” Ling interrupted “In the real world, what matters at your job are the results. Romantic ideas about creating are fine and all. It’s even fine for your hobbies. But there is a reason your father and I were able to come to this country. If she doesn’t ‘enjoy’ what you produce then that’s one thing. But you only have a couple of months to finish. I expect you to get a proper grade in this class the same as you would in any other.”\n\n\t“But mom-”\n\n\t“No buts” Ling’s tone now growing stern. “If I need to start checking on your progress like when you were little, I will. I left you to your own devices in this because you’re generally quite good about this. But you ‘will’ finish whatever projects your teacher requires of you. Surely she’s shown you the tools you need. Just sit down and produce what is asked of you. Simple as that.”\n\n\tHui was close. She cold feel the words ready to slip out. Questions about what her Grandmother would think of all this danced on her lips. The image of the kindly old woman and her house full of hand made dolls and art objects. A woman who looked so much like her own mother in those old photos. And yet…\n\n\tEventually the matronly wah pulled herself up and paced over to the desk. She put a paw on the heavy physical book and looked back at Hui once more. “I know you don’t like the idea of going to Andrews. However I really do want you to be an adult and take a good long look at what it has to offer. It was one thing compromising and letting your brother try a non-Adventist school when the best SDA college in the world is a short drive away. But hopefully you won’t make the same mistake simply because you thin Justin will have time to play games with you. He’s working hard and it’s time you consider what’s best for your futures together. Not simply what you want now.”\n\n\tThis time it wasn’t a discussion. Before Hui could say anything her mother had left. That’s how it always ended in the Sang household. Usually it was Chen getting the short end of things. If only they knew.\n\n\tShe eyed the laptop one last time and then turned her attention back to her current project. If only her mother was write about what it took to create.\n\t\t\n--------------------\n\n\t“You wanted to see me?”\n\n\tProfessor Ester Herrman-Peterson was intimidating in a way that Hui found hard to articulate. It wasn’t like her mother. The risk of disappointing was there to be sure, but not the same kind of crushing weight threatening to clamp down on her life and crush her. In fact she imagined if this wasn’t one of her favorite authors alive, and if she wasn’t the young wah’s first taste of a college class, that Mz. Peterson might actually be an unassuming and even pleasant woman to hang around. \n\n\tInstead Hui felt something grip her chest when sitting across from the mouse behind her ‘temporary’ desk. The whole space was clearly just some spare office they gave to whatever visiting teacher was there and it showed.\n\n\t“I did.” Hui’s voice cracked a bit. “And I really want to say sorry right up front. I mean, really sorry. Super, duper, amazingly sorry.”\n\n\t“If you’re going to tell me you ran over my cat… I don’t have a cat.” Ester muttered. It might have been a joke. Though her tone was flat enough that Hui felt bad making that guess.\n\n\t“R-right. Sorry. Well sorry for that, too. Gosh, I sound like my pet right now. Only less bitter. S-she’s cute when she’s bitter, though!” The rambling only seemed to grate on the woman more. Hui slumped back into her chair and bit her lip hard. “I was wondering if I could ask for some advice. The deadline for the final project is coming up and I’m kind of behind. \n\n\tThe teacher’s gaze raised from her laptop and fell like emerald hammers on the student. “How far behind, exactly?” The words steeped in a tone only a mother could produce.\n\n\t“I uh, well. I kinda… haven’t started yet?” Hui laughed nervously.\n\n\t“You realize you have probably a month at this point, right? That means roughly three thousand words a day. That can be a bit of a tall ask for some burned out loser fresh off of quitting her job. Never mind an actual high school student looking to secure her career.” The woman’s ears folded back just a bit and she leaned in over her laptop. “So I suppose I should ask why you haven’t started yet. Is it a problem with other classes? I realize this is the ramp up to your last semester of high school.”\n\n\t“School’s fine!” Hui shocked a bit at her own panic “I, uh. I mean school has been ok. A lot of things have been happening, though. F-first I met my pet. A-and I don’t even know what came over me with claiming her the way I did. Then there’s your class, and getting to hang out with my future cousin-in-law and baby-sit for her. Ohh ad Master proposed properly!” By now the words were rolling in a ramble that felt impossible to stop. “B-but I can’t see him, or Gretchen. Not with them living so far. So most of the time I’m at home alone just trying to figure out what to do with myself and sewing and trying to do homework. Plus I keep having to lie about Xiulan to my parents. That, well, that’s my sibling’s name when in ‘girl’ mode. He, she, they, well Xi is gender fluid. Or that’s what is being explored right now. B-but we’re really pretty devout Christians. I already think my parents would freak Plus I was trying to prep for renfair, though…”\n\n\t“The one over in Niles?” Ester’s tone actually seemed a bit less chastising. A bit less confrontational now, or perhaps that dourness was all in Hui’s mind to begin with.\t\n\n\t“N-no.” She muttered. “I was sewing up outfits for all of us because I wanted to do it right. We were ‘going’ to go to the renfaire out in Holly.” Hui’s tone cracked into a childish whine she wasn’t quite proud of.\n\n\t“But?” The teacher blinked\n\n\t“Well, I mean, my parents don’t really trust Master to drive all the way out there and back.” She sighed and tried to smile. “His parents weren’t too keen on it either. Plus it’s not like any of us had the money for that kind of thing. We all kinda splurged on each other and now we’re all broke. Gas and entry would probably be all we could have afforded.” \n\n\t“And it’s no fun going to renfaire if you can’t splurge just a touch, right?” The mouse’s smile seemed to soften a bit. She slipped her blackberry out of her coat pocket and flipped it around to display a photo. There was the professor, her body weighed down in belts, pouches and various items that had been gussied up with glitter and paint to look ‘magical’. The imposing chipmunk woman from before stood next to her. Only now she wore a rather nice looking set of leather armor straight out of some assassins guilt from a video game. Though not any specific game that Hui could place. Only the giant turkey leg in her maw and the zip ties around her bandoleer of chest daggers broke the illusion with their intrusive modernity. Then between them was a familiar chipmouse in a black and white wig and tasteful Victorian dress which seemed just a size or so too big for her.\n\n\tThe picture was a bit of a shock. Not the least of which because the typical scowl her professor wore in class and during office hours had evaporated. Understandable, given she was out with her wife and daughter. But it made her look like a totally different fur.\n\n\t“Just in case you get to go next year. Say hi if you see us.” Ester nodded and put the phone back down “It does sound like you’ve had quite a bit on your mind. But that does raise the question of why you didn’t come to me sooner. This is a long standing project after all. It’s not like I just decided to spring this on you. By now I’d expect everyone to be at least finishing up their first drafts.”\n\n\t“Oh.” It was all she could say. It was all she could ‘think’ to say. Hui felt a nervous smile cross her muzzle. The same kind of nervous smile she always got when talking with her mother about things. All she could do was stand there like the chided child she was and rub her arm nervously while scrambling for an answer. “Buuut yeah. That’s, I mean I want to say that’s why I haven’t started yet. Though really none of that is the reason.”\n\n\tEster nodded slowly “So you know what it is, then?”\n\n\t“It’s that my ideas are bad!” Hui all but shouted. “It’s one thing writing fanfic. I know that’s going to just be bad porn. But when it’s something ‘I’ want to make it’s a different story. There’s so many ideas and none of them work right. I keep worrying that I’m going to mess up. Plus it’s so many words for a single story. What if you hate it? What if the readers hate it? What if my ideas are stupid and I get stuck? Did I already say that? I don’t-”\n\n\t“Breathe.” The teacher sighed “Just breathe.”\n\n\tHui took a deep breath, then another. Soon she was all but slumped back in her chair. She could have made all sorts of hypno-kinky jokes about this. If not for her fear of offending the teacher. And her own shame at how she was acting. “So” She finally sighed “people really end up getting a book done that fast?”\n\n\t“A first draft at least, sure.” The professor nodded\n\n\tThe smile grew more faint and she huffed out a small whine. “I uh, I mean. I guess maybe I’m. I donno.” Her timid voice cracked like glass. Hui was suddenly and painfully aware of each breath she took. The nasal whine of her own voice churning at her sinuses. The way the fur on her tail was slowly bristling like the bloom of some thistly flower.\n\n\t“Ms. Sang.” The voice was a bit distant. Hui glanced up at the green eyes of the woman across the table and held on to them for dear life. She offered the professor a small nod, which the woman returned as she gestured for her to sit.\n\n\t“Let me ask you something, Ms. Sang. Everything you’ve mentioned to me. Adapting to a new slave in the relationship, and your Master living so far away. Having to keep your sibling’s secret. Is this all stressing you out too much to focus on writing? Is real life getting in the way of creating?”\n\n\tHui nodded, shook her head, then nodded again before finally deflating with a flat ‘Idonno’.\n\n\tThe mouse woman nodded and leaned hard on her desk. Hard enough for the leather elbow patches on her tweed jacket to creak “Do you have an outline, at least? An idea of what you want to write about? Any ideas at all?”\n\n\t“Ideas? I mean, I guess I have ideas. Yeah. Like I said they’re not like ‘good’ ideas.” She muttered sheepishly\n\n\tMrs. Peterson actually seemed to grin upon hearing that. The most kind and genuine grin Hui had ever seen her sport. “I never said they had to be ‘good’ ideas, did I?”\n\n\t“Y-you didn’t?” Hui’s blinked\n\n\t“I’m going to let you in on a little secret, Ms. Sang. None of your ideas will be good. Any of you.”\n\n\t“A-are we all that bad?” Hui whimpered\n\n\t“Of course you are.” Her teacher smirked “You’re all kids. Granted most of them are a bit older than you. But college kids are still kids. Your brain doesn’t even finish developing until your mid twenties. Half the class probably have life experiences limited to video games and a part time job. You haven’t been in the real world. None of you have found your voices yet.”\n\n\tHui opened her mouth to say something, and the teacher raised a finger. If Hui had ever questioned the idea of her professor being a switch, that one gesture just obliterated it. She felt cowed and controlled in a way her brain had never even processed before. On stern glance shooting though her like a volley of ballista shots. A sensation that was elating and terrifying at once.\n\n\t“The point isn’t for any of you to write a good book. The point is to write ‘a’ book. Sure if you really think you have a good idea you’re free to go refine it and play the game with publishers. Go right ahead. But even if you realize it’s terrible, and it will be terrible, you’ll at least have done it. That’s out of the way. No more jitters or feeling like it’s impossible. Golly, I can‘t believe I‘m actually explaining my best tricks to one of you kids.”\n\n\tThe dam broke. Something snapped. The utter and unimaginable tonal whiplash between the sudden feeling of deep subspace the professor had put her in meshed up against that casual and unnervingly natural anachronistic faux-swear. Hui was doubled over and laughing. Her paw gripped the desk and she strained to get a breath. She tried to whimper out apology after apology and yet every time she looked back into the face of the confused and increasingly annoyed mouse the laughing fit started again. \n\n\t“You done?” A now very annoyed teacher grumbled. \n\n\t“Sorry. I really am! I don’t know what came over me. I just…”\n\n\t“Emotional response due to accumulated stress” Mrs. Peterson noted. “You think you’ll be ok?”\n\n\t“I donno. Maybe” Hui sighed “But I think I can at least try…”\n\n----------------------\n\n\tThe sleek black town car cut a lonely path though the long tunnel. Blocks of oranging lights cut a steady pattern as the swooping, curvy mass of shiny black and chrome rolled over the immaculately manicured pavement. A lone figure leaned in half-sleep while watching the lights caress his face. The young man’s dark brown fur just soft and downy enough to show slender yet powerful arms poking out of his black leather vest and over the red and white checkerboard panels sewn to the front of it.\n\n\tThere was no music. No entertainment. Nothing but the sound of wheels on pavement lulling the young man in and out of sleep. His slender frame slowly rising and falling with each breath. \n\n\t“Master Tristan” A calm and aristocratic voice called from the front seat. “We have almost arrived.”\n\n\tTristan’s eyes slowly opened. He gazed though heavy lids at the frosted glass separating diver from passenger. The vague outline of his family butler Rene offering a kind of cold comfort. Enough for the teen to smirk, if nothing else.\n\n\tAngel City. The wondrous amalgam of crystal spires and sleek skyscrapers rose from the mouth of the tunnel with all of the grandeur it’s name suggested. A jewel of sparkling white and onyx black set within the heart of a mountain cluster. Free for centuries from any assault by foreign powers. Lynchpin of the homeland and shining beacon of hope as center of both magical and technological research.\n\n\tThe town car slipped like a knife edge though the shallow traffic along the outer edges of the city. Bigger buildings could be seen even as they drew closer and the smaller skyscrapers began cutting them off. Tristan’s eye locked on one in particular. A spire of black glass set in gunmetal rising above them all. The rectangle looked to be more carved than built. Sleek and symmetrical in a way only magic could facilitate. The lights shining though its one-way windows flickering like light caught in the surface of some square-cut black diamond. Befitting of the royal palace.\n\n\tWithout realizing it Tristan had uncrossed his arms from his chest. His hand traced over the two meter long case resting against the seat beside him. Thick, heavy black plastic with either end rimmed in metal and a simple handle like a guitar case. No adornment beyond an embossed relief of a jagged and stylized V with a wolf’s head cut out at its center. A crest set in holochromatic silver. The crest of the ducal house of Allard.\n\n\tHis family crest.\n\n\tThe young man’s fingertips traced it idly. He was aware of the shape. He traced his fingers over the shape for the thousandth time. The almost ritualistic gesture was stopped by a sudden bump. The heavy leather and metal studs of his fingerless gloves bumping into the case with a loud clack as a warm furry feline face pushed itself up against his palm.\n\n\tHe smiled at the thing. Looked down at the sleek and shadow-black feline shape. A bright blue gem shimmering from her forehead and streaks of the same luminescent blue moving in symmetry along the creature’s body. \n\n\t“Ok, Shadowmoon.” He muttered to the Matagot while scratching at her cheek. Finally, reluctantly, he pulled his hand away and flicked the latches on his case open. The box creaking to reveal the glittering mythril length of the mageblade within. “Looks like it’s time to get to work.”\n", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "Collared Chapter 39: Writers Block
By TerraMGP

\t“Bonjure, je m’appelle…”

\t“Bonjure, je m’appelle Hui.”

\t“Comment vas-tu?”

\t“Comment vas-tu?”

\t“Ou est la bibliotheque”

\t“Ou ext la Bi-Blio-theeeeequeeee”

\tHui giggled to herself at the last recitation. The sexy stank slathered over the question was likely something only her beloved Master and precious little slave could possibly understand. It was enough that she even found herself slipping into a nasal giggle-snort.

\tWhich was good, because she hadn’t been laughing much lately.

\tSchool was dumb. It wasn’t hard. At least it had never been hard for her. But the fact that they needed a full year of a foreign language with no way to skip it was absolutely dumb. Plenty of people failed to even grasp English and here they were being told to do something they’d never use and probably forget unless they ended up working with people who spoke Spanish enough to justify having a conversation with them in it. Worse, the school didn’t even have a course in ‘Chinese’ so it wasn’t even like she could get any use out of being a polyglot. Not that she imagined most people in America even knew the difference between Mandarin and anything else spoken in China.

\tFrench just seemed like something fun, and close enough to English to help keep her in the proper headspace. That was where her mind had been, after all. English.

\tThe whole first semester of senior year had thus far been spent in a dream class. AP credits for taking an annex course from one of, no, from her favorite author. Ester Peterson. The mouse woman had been amazing. She was smart, she was sharp, and she didn’t put up with crap from anyone. She couldn’t have been taller than Hui. In fact she was probably shorter. Yet she held the reigns of her class with the iron-and-velvet grip of a true dommie. Made even better by finding out the woman was a switch!

\tAll of it should have been enough inspiration. More than enough, Her thousand words a day should have been ten thousand at least just knowing that one of her heroes would actually read them!

\tBut she couldn’t. The tank was dry. Nothing came. No porn. No romance. Not even a mindless action scene. She sat there in a sea of blank anxiety pausing only long enough to look up from her sewing machine to the laptop. The dread void of a blank word processor coupled with the window-in-window display of her media player rattling though the French lessons once again.

\tShe then winced. Looking down at the latest birds nest popping though the layers of lilac and frost blue faux-silk she’d been painstakingly stitching together.

\t“Merde!” The red panda hissed. Her eyes narrowing while she fumbled around for her stitch ripper.

\tAt some point while she was plucking away at her mistakes, Hui felt the familiar presence of her mother entering the room. She didn’t look up to greet her. Little more than a small nod to acknowledge the older woman even after the heavy thud of books landed on the desk by her laptop.

\t“I brought you a brochure for Andrews.” Ling kept her tone present. She did her best to keep the notes of exasperation out of her voice.

\tThings had been deteriorating between Hui and her mother, though. Andrews University being the main sticking point. With that in mind Hui felt it best to keep her mouth shut for as long as possible.

\tThat attempt strained when her mother moved beside her and slipped down beside her daughter on the bed. The jolt was almost enough for Hui to gouge into the delicate fabric she’d been fussing over this whole week. “What’s that you’re working on?” The mother wah’s words were kind enough. Unfortunately it was a song and dance the two had been fighting with all senior year.

\t“A Hanfu” Hui’s tone as pleasant as she could muster “I figure next year when we do Renfaire It’ll be nice to be ready. I’ve been trying to think up a good character.”

\t“Will anyone really know about a character if you’re just walking around in costume?” Ling, as usual, was unable to hide the slight contempt she held for the silly activity.

\tHui simply shrugged and finished getting things back to where she could resume her stitch once more. She didn’t start, though. Even if she wanted to she simply didn’t have the balls to do that to her mother. “It’s good to have a character idea in mind to inform things before you start. Even if other people don’t know. Besides it’s better than sitting doing nothing while I practice French. Still sucks they won’t let me just take a pass on this stuff.”

\t“French could be useful in the future.” Ling was quick to chime. Her way of being sportive, for whatever that was worth.

\tThe comment drew a fake smile and a small shrug. “I guess. I’m stuck on my AP writing though. I haven’t even started the project for my final.”

\t“That’s quite concerning.” Her mother’s tone darkened “With how much you have been obsessing over that class, it’s the one I’d been worried least about you passing. Yet you’re telling me you’re struggling?”

\tHui was quick to turn her eyes back to the half-a-hanfu in front of her. She fiddled frantically with the fabric for a few moments while casting a glance back up to her mother every now and then. Fortunately the older woman didn’t know too much about sewing so the busy work bought her a few moments to think.

\tNothing came of it, though. Soon Hui had to let the material drop in defeat and slump herself back once more. “This isn’t just another class, mom. I really want to impress Mz. Peterson. I don’t think you really get how big of a deal she is.”

\tLing’s brow furrowed. She reached over and flicked the off switch on the sewing machine as she so often did with any electronics when looking to make a point. “I understand you enjoy her writing. But if its going to harm your chances of getting into a good school then I wish you would have considered that. What matters is fulfilling the assignment. A bad grade now would do tremendous damage to you. Especially after working so hard.”

\t“It’s not like that!” Hui yipped “You can’t just turn creativity on and off.”

\t“But you can push though the work, yes?” Ling interrupted “In the real world, what matters at your job are the results. Romantic ideas about creating are fine and all. It’s even fine for your hobbies. But there is a reason your father and I were able to come to this country. If she doesn’t ‘enjoy’ what you produce then that’s one thing. But you only have a couple of months to finish. I expect you to get a proper grade in this class the same as you would in any other.”

\t“But mom-”

\t“No buts” Ling’s tone now growing stern. “If I need to start checking on your progress like when you were little, I will. I left you to your own devices in this because you’re generally quite good about this. But you ‘will’ finish whatever projects your teacher requires of you. Surely she’s shown you the tools you need. Just sit down and produce what is asked of you. Simple as that.”

\tHui was close. She cold feel the words ready to slip out. Questions about what her Grandmother would think of all this danced on her lips. The image of the kindly old woman and her house full of hand made dolls and art objects. A woman who looked so much like her own mother in those old photos. And yet…

\tEventually the matronly wah pulled herself up and paced over to the desk. She put a paw on the heavy physical book and looked back at Hui once more. “I know you don’t like the idea of going to Andrews. However I really do want you to be an adult and take a good long look at what it has to offer. It was one thing compromising and letting your brother try a non-Adventist school when the best SDA college in the world is a short drive away. But hopefully you won’t make the same mistake simply because you thin Justin will have time to play games with you. He’s working hard and it’s time you consider what’s best for your futures together. Not simply what you want now.”

\tThis time it wasn’t a discussion. Before Hui could say anything her mother had left. That’s how it always ended in the Sang household. Usually it was Chen getting the short end of things. If only they knew.

\tShe eyed the laptop one last time and then turned her attention back to her current project. If only her mother was write about what it took to create.
\t\t
--------------------

\t“You wanted to see me?”

\tProfessor Ester Herrman-Peterson was intimidating in a way that Hui found hard to articulate. It wasn’t like her mother. The risk of disappointing was there to be sure, but not the same kind of crushing weight threatening to clamp down on her life and crush her. In fact she imagined if this wasn’t one of her favorite authors alive, and if she wasn’t the young wah’s first taste of a college class, that Mz. Peterson might actually be an unassuming and even pleasant woman to hang around.

\tInstead Hui felt something grip her chest when sitting across from the mouse behind her ‘temporary’ desk. The whole space was clearly just some spare office they gave to whatever visiting teacher was there and it showed.

\t“I did.” Hui’s voice cracked a bit. “And I really want to say sorry right up front. I mean, really sorry. Super, duper, amazingly sorry.”

\t“If you’re going to tell me you ran over my cat… I don’t have a cat.” Ester muttered. It might have been a joke. Though her tone was flat enough that Hui felt bad making that guess.

\t“R-right. Sorry. Well sorry for that, too. Gosh, I sound like my pet right now. Only less bitter. S-she’s cute when she’s bitter, though!” The rambling only seemed to grate on the woman more. Hui slumped back into her chair and bit her lip hard. “I was wondering if I could ask for some advice. The deadline for the final project is coming up and I’m kind of behind.

\tThe teacher’s gaze raised from her laptop and fell like emerald hammers on the student. “How far behind, exactly?” The words steeped in a tone only a mother could produce.

\t“I uh, well. I kinda… haven’t started yet?” Hui laughed nervously.

\t“You realize you have probably a month at this point, right? That means roughly three thousand words a day. That can be a bit of a tall ask for some burned out loser fresh off of quitting her job. Never mind an actual high school student looking to secure her career.” The woman’s ears folded back just a bit and she leaned in over her laptop. “So I suppose I should ask why you haven’t started yet. Is it a problem with other classes? I realize this is the ramp up to your last semester of high school.”

\t“School’s fine!” Hui shocked a bit at her own panic “I, uh. I mean school has been ok. A lot of things have been happening, though. F-first I met my pet. A-and I don’t even know what came over me with claiming her the way I did. Then there’s your class, and getting to hang out with my future cousin-in-law and baby-sit for her. Ohh ad Master proposed properly!” By now the words were rolling in a ramble that felt impossible to stop. “B-but I can’t see him, or Gretchen. Not with them living so far. So most of the time I’m at home alone just trying to figure out what to do with myself and sewing and trying to do homework. Plus I keep having to lie about Xiulan to my parents. That, well, that’s my sibling’s name when in ‘girl’ mode. He, she, they, well Xi is gender fluid. Or that’s what is being explored right now. B-but we’re really pretty devout Christians. I already think my parents would freak Plus I was trying to prep for renfair, though…”

\t“The one over in Niles?” Ester’s tone actually seemed a bit less chastising. A bit less confrontational now, or perhaps that dourness was all in Hui’s mind to begin with.\t

\t“N-no.” She muttered. “I was sewing up outfits for all of us because I wanted to do it right. We were ‘going’ to go to the renfaire out in Holly.” Hui’s tone cracked into a childish whine she wasn’t quite proud of.

\t“But?” The teacher blinked

\t“Well, I mean, my parents don’t really trust Master to drive all the way out there and back.” She sighed and tried to smile. “His parents weren’t too keen on it either. Plus it’s not like any of us had the money for that kind of thing. We all kinda splurged on each other and now we’re all broke. Gas and entry would probably be all we could have afforded.”

\t“And it’s no fun going to renfaire if you can’t splurge just a touch, right?” The mouse’s smile seemed to soften a bit. She slipped her blackberry out of her coat pocket and flipped it around to display a photo. There was the professor, her body weighed down in belts, pouches and various items that had been gussied up with glitter and paint to look ‘magical’. The imposing chipmunk woman from before stood next to her. Only now she wore a rather nice looking set of leather armor straight out of some assassins guilt from a video game. Though not any specific game that Hui could place. Only the giant turkey leg in her maw and the zip ties around her bandoleer of chest daggers broke the illusion with their intrusive modernity. Then between them was a familiar chipmouse in a black and white wig and tasteful Victorian dress which seemed just a size or so too big for her.

\tThe picture was a bit of a shock. Not the least of which because the typical scowl her professor wore in class and during office hours had evaporated. Understandable, given she was out with her wife and daughter. But it made her look like a totally different fur.

\t“Just in case you get to go next year. Say hi if you see us.” Ester nodded and put the phone back down “It does sound like you’ve had quite a bit on your mind. But that does raise the question of why you didn’t come to me sooner. This is a long standing project after all. It’s not like I just decided to spring this on you. By now I’d expect everyone to be at least finishing up their first drafts.”

\t“Oh.” It was all she could say. It was all she could ‘think’ to say. Hui felt a nervous smile cross her muzzle. The same kind of nervous smile she always got when talking with her mother about things. All she could do was stand there like the chided child she was and rub her arm nervously while scrambling for an answer. “Buuut yeah. That’s, I mean I want to say that’s why I haven’t started yet. Though really none of that is the reason.”

\tEster nodded slowly “So you know what it is, then?”

\t“It’s that my ideas are bad!” Hui all but shouted. “It’s one thing writing fanfic. I know that’s going to just be bad porn. But when it’s something ‘I’ want to make it’s a different story. There’s so many ideas and none of them work right. I keep worrying that I’m going to mess up. Plus it’s so many words for a single story. What if you hate it? What if the readers hate it? What if my ideas are stupid and I get stuck? Did I already say that? I don’t-”

\t“Breathe.” The teacher sighed “Just breathe.”

\tHui took a deep breath, then another. Soon she was all but slumped back in her chair. She could have made all sorts of hypno-kinky jokes about this. If not for her fear of offending the teacher. And her own shame at how she was acting. “So” She finally sighed  “people really end up getting a book done that fast?”

\t“A first draft at least, sure.” The professor nodded

\tThe smile grew more faint and she huffed out a small whine. “I uh, I mean. I guess maybe I’m. I donno.” Her timid voice cracked like glass. Hui was suddenly and painfully aware of each breath she took. The nasal whine of her own voice churning at her sinuses. The way the fur on her tail was slowly bristling like the bloom of some thistly flower.

\t“Ms. Sang.” The voice was a bit distant. Hui glanced up at the green eyes of the woman across the table and held on to them for dear life. She offered the professor a small nod, which the woman returned as she gestured for her to sit.

\t“Let me ask you something, Ms. Sang. Everything you’ve mentioned to me. Adapting to a new slave in the relationship, and your Master living so far away. Having to keep your sibling’s secret. Is this all stressing you out too much to focus on writing? Is real life getting in the way of creating?”

\tHui nodded, shook her head, then nodded again before finally deflating with a flat ‘Idonno’.

\tThe mouse woman nodded and leaned hard on her desk. Hard enough for the leather elbow patches on her tweed jacket to creak “Do you have an outline, at least? An idea of what you want to write about? Any ideas at all?”

\t“Ideas? I mean, I guess I have ideas. Yeah. Like I said they’re not like ‘good’ ideas.” She muttered sheepishly

\tMrs. Peterson actually seemed to grin upon hearing that. The most kind and genuine grin Hui had ever seen her sport. “I never said they had to be ‘good’ ideas, did I?”

\t“Y-you didn’t?” Hui’s blinked

\t“I’m going to let you in on a little secret, Ms. Sang. None of your ideas will be good. Any of you.”

\t“A-are we all that bad?” Hui whimpered

\t“Of course you are.” Her teacher smirked “You’re all kids. Granted most of them are a bit older than you. But college kids are still kids. Your brain doesn’t even finish developing until your mid twenties. Half the class probably have life experiences limited to video games and a part time job. You haven’t been in the real world. None of you have found your voices yet.”

\tHui opened her mouth to say something, and the teacher raised a finger. If Hui had ever questioned the idea of her professor being a switch, that one gesture just obliterated it. She felt cowed and controlled in a way her brain had never even processed before. On stern glance shooting though her like a volley of ballista shots. A sensation that was elating and terrifying at once.

\t“The point isn’t for any of you to write a good book. The point is to write ‘a’ book. Sure if you really think you have a good idea you’re free to go refine it and play the game with publishers. Go right ahead. But even if you realize it’s terrible, and it will be terrible, you’ll at least have done it. That’s out of the way. No more jitters or feeling like it’s impossible. Golly, I can‘t believe I‘m actually explaining my best tricks to one of you kids.”

\tThe dam broke. Something snapped. The utter and unimaginable tonal whiplash between the sudden feeling of deep subspace the professor had put her in meshed up against that casual and unnervingly natural anachronistic faux-swear. Hui was doubled over and laughing. Her paw gripped the desk and she strained to get a breath. She tried to whimper out apology after apology and yet every time she looked back into the face of the confused and increasingly annoyed mouse the laughing fit started again.

\t“You done?” A now very annoyed teacher grumbled.

\t“Sorry. I really am! I don’t know what came over me. I just…”

\t“Emotional response due to accumulated stress” Mrs. Peterson noted. “You think you’ll be ok?”

\t“I donno. Maybe” Hui sighed “But I think I can at least try…”

----------------------

\tThe sleek black town car cut a lonely path though the long tunnel. Blocks of oranging lights cut a steady pattern as the swooping, curvy mass of shiny black and chrome rolled over the immaculately manicured pavement. A lone figure leaned in half-sleep while watching the lights caress his face. The young man’s dark brown fur just soft and downy enough to show slender yet powerful arms poking out of his black leather vest and over the red and white checkerboard panels sewn to the front of it.

\tThere was no music. No entertainment. Nothing but the sound of wheels on pavement lulling the young man in and out of sleep. His slender frame slowly rising and falling with each breath.

\t“Master Tristan” A calm and aristocratic voice called from the front seat. “We have almost arrived.”

\tTristan’s eyes slowly opened. He gazed though heavy lids at the frosted glass separating diver from passenger. The vague outline of his family butler Rene offering a kind of cold comfort. Enough for the teen to smirk, if nothing else.

\tAngel City. The wondrous amalgam of crystal spires and sleek skyscrapers rose from the mouth of the tunnel with all of the grandeur it’s name suggested. A jewel of sparkling white and onyx black set within the heart of a mountain cluster. Free for centuries from any assault by foreign powers. Lynchpin of the homeland and shining beacon of hope as center of both magical and technological research.

\tThe town car slipped like a knife edge though the shallow traffic along the outer edges of the city. Bigger buildings could be seen even as they drew closer and the smaller skyscrapers began cutting them off. Tristan’s eye locked on one in particular. A spire of black glass set in gunmetal rising above them all. The rectangle looked to be more carved than built. Sleek and symmetrical in a way only magic could facilitate. The lights shining though its one-way windows flickering like light caught in the surface of some square-cut black diamond. Befitting of the royal palace.

\tWithout realizing it Tristan had uncrossed his arms from his chest. His hand traced over the two meter long case resting against the seat beside him. Thick, heavy black plastic with either end rimmed in metal and a simple handle like a guitar case. No adornment beyond an embossed relief of a jagged and stylized V with a wolf’s head cut out at its center. A crest set in holochromatic silver. The crest of the ducal house of Allard.

\tHis family crest.

\tThe young man’s fingertips traced it idly. He was aware of the shape. He traced his fingers over the shape for the thousandth time. The almost ritualistic gesture was stopped by a sudden bump. The heavy leather and metal studs of his fingerless gloves bumping into the case with a loud clack as a warm furry feline face pushed itself up against his palm.

\tHe smiled at the thing. Looked down at the sleek and shadow-black feline shape. A bright blue gem shimmering from her forehead and streaks of the same luminescent blue moving in symmetry along the creature’s body.

\t“Ok, Shadowmoon.” He muttered to the Matagot while scratching at her cheek. Finally, reluctantly, he pulled his hand away and flicked the latches on his case open. The box creaking to reveal the glittering mythril length of the mageblade within. “Looks like it’s time to get to work.”
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