It’s windy. Real windy. The howling gale drives rain into the cabin through the unglazed windows. The building creaks loudly with each gust that threatens to blow the whole rickety structure down. Honestly, I’m amazed it has survived all these years.

It’s just after sunset. The forest is entirely dark except for the flashes of lightning. One briefly illuminates a red panda sitting on the wet timber floor, back to a brick wall. The red panda is short and skinny, except for a hugely swollen middle that dwarfed the rest of him. That’s me. Hi guys.

I’m panting and naked. My fur is damp with equal parts rain and sweat. I have my legs out and spread in front of me, hugging my striped tail with my left arm and cradling my full-term pregnant belly with my right, bracing for the next contraction that I know is coming.

Has it been five minutes since the last one? I have no idea. I don’t have a clock. If I have a phone I’d have nowhere to charge it, nor would I get signal. Anyway, the whole point of being here is not to be tracked and found.

Here it comes. Oh god. I grit my teeth, trying my damnest not to yell as my enormous belly seemingly hardens into rock around the overgrown twins inside. How the fuck am I going to get them out? Here? I must be crazy. No, I know. I am.

We stopped coming here when I was, what, nine? No, mum was gone by then so it must have been earlier. And, well, my other mum, she hasn’t returned here since. Sorry mums, you won’t get to see your grandsons being born. Well, maybe Zola can look from heaven. If there’s a heaven. It doesn’t make a difference to me either way.

I grew up walking and playing in these forests, and learning to hunt and forage with Zola. So I was confident that I would be able to survive here at least for a little while. Was. I think I’ve actually lost weight, despite my two cubs growing in my womb like it’s a fucking Olympic sport. God, couldn’t you two have spared a thought for daddy? You’re so heavy to carry around, and I don’t know how the birth will go with such large cubs, or how I would live out here with two newborns…

I’m trying not to think about it. Even as the contractions start coming on top of each other, telling me that my time in denial is quickly running out.

I put a paw to my nipples. I haven’t really grown breasts – just as well, I don’t think they’d look good on me – but my chest certainly feels tight. Touching my nipples cause a bit of milk to leak. As if I need another reminder that I’m ripe as fuck and birth is imminent. 

The gale isn’t letting up. Another flash of lightning illuminates the cabin. For a split second I can glimpse the angry stretch marks on my overstretched belly, visible even through the fur. I can’t see with my belly in the way, but I can feel my cock getting hard again. I reach down with a paw. It stings to touch, but I start stroking. I must have came like eight times already since I felt the first cramps this morning. Fuck. I’m such a mess.

It’s my fault for getting into this situation anyway. I, well, “fell in with the wrong crowd” is how mum would describe it. It wasn’t all bad. I made good money. I met these two boys. Raf’s an eagle, bulky, witty, bartender extraordinaire by night and wily smuggler by day. Tash’s a snow leopard, tall, handsome, sensitive – no idea how he ended up in the gang or what he even did but everyone liked him so it was fine I guess. 

Anyway, they helped made one twin each. I don’t think we were dating, really. It was more of a friends with benefits special threesome deal. Though they were pretty excited about the cubs when we found out. Then this other gang turned on us. Then we got raided. We scattered. I have no idea where they are now. Or even if they’re still alive.

I had to get out, as far away from all of that shit as possible. Making my way across the state was a challenge. I was trying not to be recognised and trying not to stand out, and, well, my belly. Even back then, I was huge, conspicuously so. These cubs got their other dads’ big genes I guess. I puffed my fur up as much as possible and wore big jackets to try to hide my belly.

And after that, sneaking out of the closest town, walking up the mountain, into the forest, looking for this cabin, spending days out in the blazing run or the pouring rain, looking for food, hauling the growing burden in my belly all the while… it was insane, but I had to do it. I’m not birthing my cubs in jail, and that’s not even the worst thing that could have happened.

Another hard contraction drags my mind back to the present. I grimace and moan. My left paw holds on tight to my tail... I can almost imagine I’m holding Tash’s soft, fluffy, comforting paw. Is the pain going to keep getting worse? Jerking off helps a little, but it’s not proper paid meds at a hospital, you know, where I should be right now.

I wish Tash and Raf were here.

Another contraction hits soon after the last one, a sudden, savage, brutal pressure. It takes all of my concentration to not scream. My right paw speeds up the pace on my length to take the edge off the pain. I came just as the contraction reaches its crest, and I feel liquid gush out of my cunt. I think that’s my waters breaking. That means it’s not that much longer now right? It can’t get much worse right? 

Here I am, a single father for all intents and purposes, on the run, probably malnourished, tired after maybe 12 hours in labour, about to give birth for the first time, to overweight twin cubs, in the rain, in the dark, alone.

I’m definitely crazy.

It got much worse.

The next contraction squeezed my belly so intensely I thought I would burst right then and there. And the contraction sort of just… didn’t stop. It started fading away and then came roaring back, pummelling me into a curled up, sobbing ball on the rain-swept timber floor.

I lay there on my left side, riding the intensifying waves of contractions, still determined not to make any noise, just in case someone who was looking for me hears my screams. It’s crazy for anyone to be out in this storm I know, but then, here I am. 

I feel my first cub moving down my birth canal, a hefty, squirming weight between my legs, slowly but surely being nudged closer and closer to its exit. I have to say, it was a weird feeling. Even a little enjoyable. But god it hurts.

And I’m scared. I’m scared I’m not made for this, for what I can’t deny now is about to happen.

There’s another flash of lightning, followed by thunder, and the sound of the wind knocking over a tree in the near distance, along with another contraction, the harshest one yet.

I shut my eyes tight and bite my lips to suppress a scream. I curl up around my belly, keeping my legs closed. I’m not sure if I should be pushing. I feel like I should do SOMETHING. But I hold back. I’m not ready.

But the cubs are coming whether I’m ready or not. 

The next wave comes soon after and I just feel this urge. My conscious mind protests but my subconscious knows it’s time and it’s not waiting. I push.

And I lose it. I scream. There’s so much pressure. My cock explodes messily in my right paw, spraying cum all over the underside of my stretched belly.

I get barely any time to rest before another wave threatens and the overwhelming urge to push returns. I push again, screaming out into the forest. My pelvis feels like it’s being split in two. My cock twitches and spurts more cum, a dash of pleasure in an endless sea of pain.

The next push, I don’t care anymore who hears. I’m full on sobbing now. I feel around in the dark for the stone wall, sit my tired body back up against it, spread my skinny legs, and push like my life depends on it. Which it does.

The cub in my birth canal barely budges. He’s huge. I have both my paws on my belly pushing on it to apply more pressure. I just want them out. And I scream. I scream at the storm clouds, that it hurts, it hurts so much, that I want help, that I want Raf here with his protective wing, that I want Tashy here with his reassuring words, that I just want the cubs out. 

My pleas are answered with rumbling thunder and falling rain. No one’s coming. I’m giving birth alone.

I mewl and roar as I push in the dark with the next however many contractions, bearing down hard, again and again, just wanting to get my cubs out. I shift position a few times, groping around in the dark, pushing on my knees, on all fours, standing up even, leaning against the stone wall, hoping that gravity helps a little.

Eventually I just sort of settle for a crumpled-mess-on-the-floor position, giving what weak pushes I can give. The only release from the intense pain is jerking off, so that’s what I do, non-stop, spurting my seed all over the cabin, over and over, chasing any relief from the pain, until all I get is a dry orgasm. 

Despite all of that part of me still doesn’t quite believe that I’m giving birth right now. Like, this must be an elaborate fever dream or something? I let go of my cock, and hesitatingly reach down behind my empty balls to my opening. I slip a finger just inside and there he is, my first son. That’s his head, right there.

He feels feathery. It’s Raf’s.

My waning energy is suddenly renewed. Not enough for me to get out of the crumpled-mess-on-the-floor position, physically I’m still totally utterly exhausted. But enough that I start pushing properly again.

He’s right there. Just a little more and it will be over. I feel the next contraction building up. My right paw is at my opening preparing to cup my son’s head as it emerges. I’m ready.

I push hard. Raf’s cub surges forward, stretching my opening. It burns. I scream, I writhe on the floor trying in vain to wriggle myself away from the burning but I keep pushing, somehow. The contraction subsides. The cub slips back inside.

Fuck.

I give another push, and another, and another, screeching through the searing pain, my legs kicking the air and my hips gyrating trying to get away from it. My right paw cups my son’s head as it inches forward, opening me up more and more, only to slip back inside again.

No… No! This isn’t happening!

Is… is he stuck? Is he too big? I can’t do this. I can’t do this, he’s too big, I’m too small, it’s not gonna fit and I’m going to die here--

A contraction interrupts my panicking and forces me to keep pushing. The bulge at my opening grows and so does the burning. He’s tearing me apart. I’m going to be rip in two.

The contraction subsides. I gasp for breath. I can still feel the cub’s head, big and feathery and full in my opening, under my paw. 

H… hey kid… finally decided to show huh?

A harsh cramp tells me it’s time to push again. I feel more of my baby’s head breach my opening, and more... and more. H… how big is this kid??

I grab my thighs and pull them as far apart as I can to make room. I keep thinking he’s at full crown, only for him to stretch me more. At this point I’m beyond screaming, all that comes out is wordless exhausted panting and the occasional low gutteral moan that dies halfway out of my throat. 

I strain through another push, determined to birth this monstrously large cub no matter what. I feel no movement as I bare down, then at the last second I feel the head pops out of my opening, and my paw down there touches what feels like a face.

I get maybe a second to savour my achievement before the next contraction starts and I have to keep pushing to get the rest of him out. I feel around for a cord around his neck. Good, not there. He’s not budging though.

Another long and hard push and he’s still stuck half-born. I’m quickly losing strength – this baby needs to be born now. I put my fingers in my opening, feeling around for his shoulders, trying to free his body.

The new few contractions are a blur. I push on instinct, pulling my legs back, spreading myself as wide as I can. I get the shoulders unstuck, somehow. I push again. I get my paws around his chest, and I tug and twist and pull. I feel his body wriggle out inch by burning inch.

Then I pull him free. Then, nothing but my ragged panting and the sound of the falling rain. Then, a cry.

I bring him up to my chest. I bring my tail up to protect him from the wind and rain. And then I pass out.

I dream

I’m back at school. Oh great. It’s this one. Is this the one where-- yep, it’s the one where I’ve just failed my maths exam. Like, super-failed. It was humiliating. Ah here’s the part where I run for the gym showers after hours to hide. I’m hyperventilating. Like there’s a monster chasing me, but there’s nothing to run from but my own stupid mistakes. I just notice I don’t have pants on. And I’m… I’m pregnant? It feels tight between my legs. My cock’s hard, but that’s not it. There’s something coming out of my opening. No, I have to keep running, have to find somewhere to hide, have to be swallowed up by the air and disappear forever. It’s coming out. I feel myself pushing. It starts to slide out of me. No, please! Wait!

I wake up with a shriek. I’m in the middle of a contraction, and my instincts take over and I push. I feel all the familiar pain from before, the pressure in my pelvis, the feeling of something heavy moving out of my womb. Wait, hang on, the cub’s right here in my arms.

Oh, right, the other one.

No… no, no, no, no, no... I don’t wanna do this again. I can’t do this. I’m too tired. Please just let it stop.

Another wave, then another, and another, coming right on top of each other. I push, somehow, feeling the oversized second cub inching agonisingly slowly closer to its exit. No screams like with the first one, just intense, convulsive, desparate sobs.

I’m still only half-conscious. There’s a crying newborn in my arms, cord still attached. Is… is he hungry? I bring him to a nipple to feed. I feel him latch on. 

Raf’s baby. He’s actually here. I can’t believe he’s actually here. It’s still dark, I can’t really see him, but… he’s so damn beautiful. And big. Fuck that’s a big baby. I can’t believe I fucking gave birth to him.

And his brother… I still need to give birth to his brother.

I feel him there now, just inside my opening. I push and I feel him starting to crown. I voicelessly scream as I feel that burning stretching pain from before. But... this time it feels different somehow.

I nervously reach down with a paw to feel him. I didn’t feel a head, I feel a foot.

Damn it. The universe must really hate me, huh.

I’m much too tired and too in pain to panic. All I’m thinking is, Tash’s baby needs to come out.

It’s hard to try to maneuver the cub when I can’t see what I’m doing. I grope around with a paw inside my cunt, freeing what I think is his other leg.

I push with the next contraction and I don’t stop, my paws guiding the rest of the body glacially, excruciatingly out of me. He’s even bigger than his brother. I fade in and out from the burning and the pressure but I don’t stop pushing. 

The rain has stopped. The forest glows dimly with the morning’s first light. I’m lying on my back, staring unfocused at the leaky roof, raggedly gasping. On my small, flat, but still milk-filled chest my firstborn is peacefully nursing. My belly is still large but it’s lost its firmness. My cock is hard and twitching madly. My cunt is plugged by a cub half-born, his chest and head still inside of me. I wrap my paws around him and pull as I push again. It hurts so much. The pain tears at my consciousness.

I pull his chest out, and his shoulders, and I put the last of my strength to give my biggest push of the night, pushing with muscles I didn’t even know exist. Second by second, little by little, his head breaches my opening, stretching me to my widest. I jerk my hips as if to shake him loose.

“AAAAAAAAAHH! Get out!” I scream one more time, and he joins in with a cry of his own.

He’s here. Oh my god he’s actually here.

I immediately lift him up to my chest to join his brother. I take my first good look at both of them in the morning light. They’re gorgeous. Splitting image of Raf and Tashy, but with my colours on their fur/feathers. We… we made these? I can’t believe I actually gave birth to them.

I’m beyond exhausted, I probably look like a complete mess, I still need to work out how we’re going to survive in this world. Hell, I still need to birth their placentas.

But, just for now, I’m just going to feel good and fall in love with my newborn sons, yeah? I’ve earned that much.