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Fivey hated working for a spider.
But at least there was a really nice all-night diner right across the street from his subway stop. Over the course of the last three months of election hell, he’d eaten more meals there than he had at home.
It was… arguably a rougher sort of place than he would have expected to see someone like him, but he was really getting attached to the place.
The owner was certainly very friendly.
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There were four rules to running a successful diner.
Keep expenses low. That means having recipes with no expensive ingredients that don’t taste worse for being cheap as hell to make. And what was cheaper than toast? Put anything you want on there, butter, roadkill hash, gumbo, whatever, it was fine!
Don’t take any shit. Some fancy “health inspector” comes around, says your place is a “D” you decide that stands for D-licious! Or maybe D-ingodile. Or maybe D-ick, which is what they can suck if they come nosing around your grease traps again.
Take care of your regulars. The people who come in exhausted at 1:45 AM, they ain’t ate since breakfast, if then, and no place else is open. They’re your BACKBONE, so pump em full o coffee, serve em a shot or two under the table not that the liquor licensing board has to know, listen to whatever sob story they got, and make em feel at home. WHATEVER way you can.
Always keep an eye out for that shifty-ass scientist whose lab you escaped from, it’s only gonna be a matter of time before he pulls his head out of the wreckage of the air pirate attack that let you escape and finds out you got a diner now, and you know him, you know he’s gonna come looking, and when he does you gotta be ready to play dumb and friendly, he was always a sucker for that, and then he’s gonna see how HE likes getting dosed with random chemicals in HIS food.
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Someone cashed in all their chips to both request Fivey and shoot him to the top of the queue.
I obliged, because I knew if I was going to do Fivey, it had to be NOW. Otherwise he'd fall out of the public consciousness for another four years, at least.
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Posted using PostyBirb