{"submission_id":"2012268","keywords":[{"keyword_id":"3937","keyword_name":"calico","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"1386"},{"keyword_id":"504778","keyword_name":"fictional fanfic","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"3"},{"keyword_id":"33","keyword_name":"fox","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"156537"},{"keyword_id":"8503","keyword_name":"fruit bat","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"692"},{"keyword_id":"12445","keyword_name":"fruitbat","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"146"},{"keyword_id":"188","keyword_name":"hybrid","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"43135"},{"keyword_id":"23008","keyword_name":"hybrid species","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"991"},{"keyword_id":"210751","keyword_name":"male cat","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"31"},{"keyword_id":"7416","keyword_name":"meta","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"223"},{"keyword_id":"13534","keyword_name":"multiple characters","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"6025"},{"keyword_id":"3031","keyword_name":"sheep","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"7393"},{"keyword_id":"4841","keyword_name":"southern","contributed":"f","submissions_count":"151"}],"hidden":"f","scraps":"t","favorite":"f","favorites_count":"1","create_datetime":"2019-12-06 03:37:27.768458+01","create_datetime_usertime":"06 Dec 2019 03:37 CET","last_file_update_datetime":"2019-11-05 06:46:39.345743+01","last_file_update_datetime_usertime":"05 Nov 2019 06:46 CET","username":"StShadowdirge","user_id":"484950","user_icon_file_name":"149404_StShadowdirge_srtifact-less-pl0x.png","user_icon_url_large":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/usericons/large/149/149404_StShadowdirge_srtifact-less-pl0x.png","user_icon_url_medium":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/usericons/medium/149/149404_StShadowdirge_srtifact-less-pl0x.png","user_icon_url_small":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/usericons/small/149/149404_StShadowdirge_srtifact-less-pl0x.png","file_name":"2904930_StShadowdirge_placeholder.rtf","file_url_full":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/full/2904/2904930_StShadowdirge_placeholder.rtf","file_url_screen":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/screen/2904/2904930_StShadowdirge_placeholder.rtf","file_url_preview":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/2904/2904930_StShadowdirge_placeholder.rtf","files":[{"file_id":"2904930","file_name":"2904930_StShadowdirge_placeholder.rtf","file_url_full":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/full/2904/2904930_StShadowdirge_placeholder.rtf","file_url_screen":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/screen/2904/2904930_StShadowdirge_placeholder.rtf","file_url_preview":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/2904/2904930_StShadowdirge_placeholder.rtf","mimetype":"text/rtf","submission_id":"2012268","user_id":"484950","submission_file_order":"0","full_size_x":null,"full_size_y":null,"screen_size_x":null,"screen_size_y":null,"preview_size_x":null,"preview_size_y":null,"initial_file_md5":"4b3a1d95c7dc5d59c6c106da925ccce4","full_file_md5":"4b3a1d95c7dc5d59c6c106da925ccce4","large_file_md5":"","small_file_md5":"","thumbnail_md5":"","deleted":"f","create_datetime":"2019-11-05 06:46:39.345743+01","create_datetime_usertime":"05 Nov 2019 06:46 CET"}],"pools":[{"pool_id":"61334","name":"Black Aegis","description":"All of the things by all of the other pieces of me. This is not a happy place.","count":"13"}],"description":"I'm not sure how I feel about Wallace. Useful tool, I guess. \n\nIt's a good thing I haven't gotten a shipping confirmation on that big box of dicks because I'm only one tenth of the way to my primary goal. I'd hate for \"quality\" to \"dip\" because I wanted to hurry up and open said box of dicks. \n\nKind of reminds me of when I smoked freely and tried to cut back. I would write a song for a cigarette. But then I went through a rough patch and wrote a bunch of junk. Still kinda feel bad about that. The best apology is to put one foot in front of the other. So, yeah. Effort.\n\n10/100\n10/500","description_bbcode_parsed":"I'm not sure how I feel about Wallace. Useful tool, I guess.
It's a good thing I haven't gotten a shipping confirmation on that big box of dicks because I'm only one tenth of the way to my primary goal. I'd hate for "quality" to "dip" because I wanted to hurry up and open said box of dicks.
Kind of reminds me of when I smoked freely and tried to cut back. I would write a song for a cigarette. But then I went through a rough patch and wrote a bunch of junk. Still kinda feel bad about that. The best apology is to put one foot in front of the other. So, yeah. Effort.
10/100
10/500","writing":" The oven was set to 400 degrees fahrenheit. Wallace had to wait to put in the three meat pizza.\n After that came the hard part, he would have to wait 20 minutes for not-delivery-fresh pizza. He had already rubbed one out after work. He knew it would soon be pizza time, but twenty-plus minutes seemed like an age to the calico. He had a trick though. He would write some shitty fanfic and take his mind off of it. \n It was an easy fix. He ripped the characters from his favorite TV show. The setting was already defined, all the worldbuilding was done. He pretended that he was 6 years old again, except he would be writing instead of playing with action figures. His mind was also far dirtier.\n\n \"Cock damn it, Charles!\" Emily fumed. \"I [i]know[/i] you didn't just eat one of my cookies.\"\n She scowled at him, expecting a confession. She focused all of her frustration into her eyes as if she could turn her badfeels into lasers to make him explode into a gory pile of shit, organs, and cookie crumbs. The fox did not yield. He was innocent. This time.\n \"You know I count my cookies. I count my cookies all. The. Time. Some are missing. It miiiiiight not be you, but someone going to have to pay because I'm done with bitches stealing my cookies.\"\n \"It absoluetly wasn't me,\" Charles retorted. \"It's not worth it to steal your cookies. You skullfucked me to death and resurrected me. I came to with your dyke jizz on my face and coughing vomit out of my lungs.\"\n \"That didn't happen,\" the sheep told him, point-blank.\n \"But.\"\n \"Shut the fuck up, only retcons are canon. It didn't happen.\"\n \"But I remember that you said I'd have to live with it.\"\n \"Want it to happen again?\"\n \"Uhhh, no?\"\n \"Then it didn't happen.\"\n \"But it can't happen [i]again[/i] if it didn't happen in the first place.\"\n \"Just how many times did you steal my cookies before you stopped?\"\n \"Twice?\"\n Emily burst out in a horrid bleating laugh, \"More than twice, but only twice due to retcons. So. Unless you want to do this shit on endless loop, [i]it didn't happen[/i].\"\n \"What's so funny in here guys?\" a thick country accent came through the door, followed by it's owner, Jefferson. \"Why, I'd expect y'all were having a barn raising with all this carrying-on.\"\n The mood was soured. Emily and Charles didn't really like the fruitbat. But for some unknown reason, probably because there is a God and he is cruel beyond imagination, he was their friend. \n \"Look, Charles,\" Emily said, in a dull monotone voice that tried and failed to convey the misery she felt at having to deliver the same tired line endlessly. \"It's our batty friend, Jefferson.\"\n \"How's it hanging, Jefferson?\" Charles barely survived.\n \"Oh, you know, it's been a topsy-turvy day, it's been hard to know which way is up!\" Jefferson laughed his depraved southern-tinged laugh. No one really questioned why he enjoyed his part of the bit. He either had lost his mind long ago or was blind to the retcons.\n \"Jefferson....\" Emily started sheepishly.\n \"Yes?\"\n \"What's that on your chin?\"\n \"Well, I was just.\"\n \"You ate my cookies!\"\n \"No, I....\"\n \"You ate my cookies and now your ass is gonna pay!\"\n Jefferson tried to take flight but Charles leapt on him and weighed him down, \"If I have to remember, you have to remember, too, Jefferson.\"\n Emily started strapping on her pink dick.\n \"Now just a moment,\" a low and husky voice lightly demanded. Sheena was having her say on the matter. \"How do you know it was Jefferson? Aren't you both just jumping to conclusions for personal reasons?\"\n \"Not now, Sheena,\" Charles warned and shifted his grip to a headlock.\n \"You just want to see that country boy get his ass wrecked so you can get off later,\" the deeryena shot back.\n \"Fucking duh, not like I can assturbate. I don't have an anus.\"\n \"Real classy guys,\" Sheena began before seeing the look on Jefferson's face. He had a blank, dumb expression. He looked every bit as stupid of a country bumkin as his accent suggested. There was a painfully silent moment, where no one really knew what was going on.\n \"I like wrasslin, but Charles, you're hurtin' me. Roughhousin's fun but I sure do feel funny.\"\n \"Fuckin' look funny, hick.\" Emily muttered.\n Charles let Jefferson go. He wasn't turned on anymore after that friendly stuff. Charles was a deviant but he was also sentimental and as much as he wanted to see Jefferson get his anus ruined, out of spite was no way to treat his friend. He exchanged a look with Emily, who exchanged a look with Jefferson. They all knew what was going on.\n One of these things was not like the others. One of these things just didn't belong. They were quietly scheming to take out the deeryena. \n\n Wallace frowned. It wasn't quite the smut he was wanting to write, but he was able to bring in the other friends this time. It was closer to the spirit of the original work. He didn't have time to care. He had fulfilled his aim of wasting twenty-two minutes. It was finally pizza time.\n He went into the kitchen and cursed every facet of his life. He had yet to start the pizza out of the freezer. He had a hot oven, but after all of that time waiting, his pizza was still frozen.","writing_bbcode_parsed":" The oven was set to 400 degrees fahrenheit. Wallace had to wait to put in the three meat pizza.
After that came the hard part, he would have to wait 20 minutes for not-delivery-fresh pizza. He had already rubbed one out after work. He knew it would soon be pizza time, but twenty-plus minutes seemed like an age to the calico. He had a trick though. He would write some shitty fanfic and take his mind off of it.
It was an easy fix. He ripped the characters from his favorite TV show. The setting was already defined, all the worldbuilding was done. He pretended that he was 6 years old again, except he would be writing instead of playing with action figures. His mind was also far dirtier.
"Cock damn it, Charles!" Emily fumed. "I know you didn't just eat one of my cookies."
She scowled at him, expecting a confession. She focused all of her frustration into her eyes as if she could turn her badfeels into lasers to make him explode into a gory pile of shit, organs, and cookie crumbs. The fox did not yield. He was innocent. This time.
"You know I count my cookies. I count my cookies all. The. Time. Some are missing. It miiiiiight not be you, but someone going to have to pay because I'm done with bitches stealing my cookies."
"It absoluetly wasn't me," Charles retorted. "It's not worth it to steal your cookies. You skullfucked me to death and resurrected me. I came to with your dyke jizz on my face and coughing vomit out of my lungs."
"That didn't happen," the sheep told him, point-blank.
"But."
"Shut the fuck up, only retcons are canon. It didn't happen."
"But I remember that you said I'd have to live with it."
"Want it to happen again?"
"Uhhh, no?"
"Then it didn't happen."
"But it can't happen again if it didn't happen in the first place."
"Just how many times did you steal my cookies before you stopped?"
"Twice?"
Emily burst out in a horrid bleating laugh, "More than twice, but only twice due to retcons. So. Unless you want to do this shit on endless loop, it didn't happen."
"What's so funny in here guys?" a thick country accent came through the door, followed by it's owner, Jefferson. "Why, I'd expect y'all were having a barn raising with all this carrying-on."
The mood was soured. Emily and Charles didn't really like the fruitbat. But for some unknown reason, probably because there is a God and he is cruel beyond imagination, he was their friend.
"Look, Charles," Emily said, in a dull monotone voice that tried and failed to convey the misery she felt at having to deliver the same tired line endlessly. "It's our batty friend, Jefferson."
"How's it hanging, Jefferson?" Charles barely survived.
"Oh, you know, it's been a topsy-turvy day, it's been hard to know which way is up!" Jefferson laughed his depraved southern-tinged laugh. No one really questioned why he enjoyed his part of the bit. He either had lost his mind long ago or was blind to the retcons.
"Jefferson...." Emily started sheepishly.
"Yes?"
"What's that on your chin?"
"Well, I was just."
"You ate my cookies!"
"No, I...."
"You ate my cookies and now your ass is gonna pay!"
Jefferson tried to take flight but Charles leapt on him and weighed him down, "If I have to remember, you have to remember, too, Jefferson."
Emily started strapping on her pink dick.
"Now just a moment," a low and husky voice lightly demanded. Sheena was having her say on the matter. "How do you know it was Jefferson? Aren't you both just jumping to conclusions for personal reasons?"
"Not now, Sheena," Charles warned and shifted his grip to a headlock.
"You just want to see that country boy get his ass wrecked so you can get off later," the deeryena shot back.
"Fucking duh, not like I can assturbate. I don't have an anus."
"Real classy guys," Sheena began before seeing the look on Jefferson's face. He had a blank, dumb expression. He looked every bit as stupid of a country bumkin as his accent suggested. There was a painfully silent moment, where no one really knew what was going on.
"I like wrasslin, but Charles, you're hurtin' me. Roughhousin's fun but I sure do feel funny."
"Fuckin' look funny, hick." Emily muttered.
Charles let Jefferson go. He wasn't turned on anymore after that friendly stuff. Charles was a deviant but he was also sentimental and as much as he wanted to see Jefferson get his anus ruined, out of spite was no way to treat his friend. He exchanged a look with Emily, who exchanged a look with Jefferson. They all knew what was going on.
One of these things was not like the others. One of these things just didn't belong. They were quietly scheming to take out the deeryena.
Wallace frowned. It wasn't quite the smut he was wanting to write, but he was able to bring in the other friends this time. It was closer to the spirit of the original work. He didn't have time to care. He had fulfilled his aim of wasting twenty-two minutes. It was finally pizza time.
He went into the kitchen and cursed every facet of his life. He had yet to start the pizza out of the freezer. He had a hot oven, but after all of that time waiting, his pizza was still frozen.","pools_count":1,"title":"Idle Hands, pt.2","deleted":"f","public":"t","mimetype":"text/rtf","pagecount":"1","rating_id":"1","rating_name":"Mature","ratings":[{"content_tag_id":"2","name":"Nudity","description":"Nonsexual nudity exposing breasts or genitals (must not show arousal)","rating_id":"1"},{"content_tag_id":"3","name":"Violence","description":"Mild violence","rating_id":"1"}],"submission_type_id":"12","type_name":"Writing - Document","guest_block":"f","friends_only":"f","comments_count":"0","views":"17","sales_description":null,"forsale":"f","digitalsales":"f","printsales":"f","digital_price":""}