Oh, what a wonderful place the pet store is. Such cute little pets. That vague scent of hamster shit is nice and stale in the air. Chip Nutz is back to the pet shop to get yet another toy as a bribe for doing his schoolwork. He is really excited to check out this new pet store that just opened in town!

He looks at the budgies in their cooped cage. He pulls out the kippenjungle genetic calculator for budgies in his mind. Deciding what specimens fit his aesthetic. Looking at them coldly and clinically. Fascistically. The pet store has started to lose its magic as the temporarily-embarassed-millionaire squirrel can only think about how to save his reputation and become the world's most famous animal breeder. He will stop at nothing to have his Golden Pheasant on top of his pyramidal secret island with every species of creature on it. He will be the next Noah.

But he would rather start a rabbits project. Or chickens. Then he can mix different breeds together and act like he invented the best thing since sliced bread. But, really, he would rather breed hybrid cockatoos and macaws. He had even thought about keeping some, lesser varieties of squirrel in his zoo. Pygmies or something they were called. He heard they kept them in zoos in the 50's or something. So. It should be fine.

He adjusts his customary pith helmet, looking around. But, what is this? He is frozen to the spot in awe. He sees something amazing. He thought ferrets were illegal in California! And Chip would know. The laws in California about pet ownership have been a thorn in his side his whole life. And he is an expert. This pet store really has the good stuff. He'll have to make sure to NOT report them to the proper authorities for this!

He walks up to the cage. The ferret just backs up further. Whuh? He has a pretty big cage for a pet store animal. Chip notices that he can just, open the front of the cage? But don't these pet store owners want to protect their merchandise? Where are the owners anyway? Or the clerk? Whatever, no skin off my ass, Chip thinks. He ducks and steps right into the cage. The ferret looks at him with a perfectly adorable uwu. Chip notices that this ferret has some rare color mutation. And Chip just has to catch 'em all. The ferret keeps up his uwu poker face. But he can just smell the fascism all over this squirrel.

Chip starts grabbing the ferret to look between its legs. Despite how much he would be annoyed if someone did this to him. But he just HAS to make sure of what kind of gametes this ferret can supply! It's critical to his mission to become the most famous animal breeder! The ferret begrudgingly puts up with this and lays back limply knowing the squirrel will be easier to capture if he is comfortable first. From farther back in the cage more ferrets emerge. Just how big is this cage anyway? One ferret closes the cage door and locks it while Chip is still busy molesting a ferret, fiddling around, lewdly sticking his tongue out a little, as is tradition.

"Hello." says the ferret he is currently groping, in a seductive masculine voice.

"Aaaah!!! You can talk!!! Uuuuhhh- I mean- This is a perfectly legal sexing procedure I am performing on you, I assure you!" says Chip.

"Maybe if I was chattel. Have you heard about the new laws?"

"What new laws?"

"Well, ferrets are now legal in California- as citizens, not pets."

The squirrel blushes and draws back. He is ashamed to be caught treating a True Red-Blooded American citizen as an object. And he suddenly notices he is surrounded by other ferrets. Oh, how this will ruin his reputation. Oh, bother.

"Well, then what are you doing in this cage?"

"This is a squirrel trap. Its perfectly legal now. Have you not heard?"

"Squirrel what?"

Suddenly the ferrets all jump out of the way and one ferret presses a button on a controller. The other side of the cage falls in and Chip is trapped in the cage. Suddenly a few square feet feels miniscule to Chip as he is crammed into it.