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Comedy. Rated Mature for Language.", "writing": "Spice had been up for two days. Two total days on assignment, in the far east, saving the world from a war it wasn't allowed to know was taking place. Long Shot had gotten on her last nerve, and Kinetix had nearly died twice. To put it mildly, she'd been having a rough time, and the last thing she wanted to do, was go on another assignment for the government. Heck, the only thing she wanted to do was crawl into bed, and pass out for the next week. She'd spent all her energy sneaking in and out of heavily guarded mansions, palaces, and hotels, while doing her absolute best to avoid getting herself killed and The team destroyed. Now that it was over- it was all, finally over- all she wanted to do, was sleep.\nSo when the silent helicopter dropped her off at her apartment rooftop at 3:38 AM, she was pleased as punch to crawl directly into bed the moment she got inside. When the phone rang off the hook at 3:48 am, she was less the pleased.\n\n\"Mmmmmh...If this is anyone but Jesus, I just don't give a fuck, and if this IS Jesus, where's the my little pony I lost when I was five?\"The surly wolf muttered, her eyes shut tight, while the soft fleece blanket surrounded her body as tightly as possible.\n\"HELLO! IS THIS THE AMERICAN SPICE?!\"\n\"What?\"\n\"SPICE?!\"\n\"What?\"\n\"IS THIS SPICE?!\n\"Jesus? Is that you? Shouldn't you know my name?\"\n\"I'M NOT JESUS!\"\n\"I'm sorry what?\"\n\"SPICE?!\"\n\"No, I'm Spice, you're Jesus. \"\n\"WAIT...WHAT?!\n\"Hello?\"\n\"THIS IS SPICE, YES?\"!\n\"You'd think they'd have better reception in Heaven.\"\n\"I AM NOT IN HEAVEN!!\"\n\"Whoa...you got kicked outta heaven? Man, God must be pissed!\"\n\"THIS IS NOT JESUS!!!\"\n\"Then why do I give a fuck?\"\n\"WE HAVE YOUR SISTER! IF YOU WANT HER BACK YOU WIL-\"\n\"What?\"\n\"YOUR SISTER!\"\n\"What?\"\n\"YOUR SISTER! SISTER!!!\"\n\"You don't sound anything like my sister.\"\n\"NO! WE HAVE HER!\"\n\"Who?\"\n\"SPARKLE!\"\n\"Who?\"\n\"SPARKLE!\"\n\"Wait, Sparkle?\"\n\"YES!\"\n\"No, Sparkle isn't here, I'm sorry. Wrong number.\"\n\"NO! WE HAVE HER!\"\n\"You have her?\"\n\"YES!\"\n\"You have my sister Sparkle?\"\n\"YES!!! YES!!!\"\n\"Then why are you calling here, looking for her?\"\n\"NO! WE-\"\n\"Wait, you don't have her?\"\n\"NO WE DO HAVE HER!!\"\n\"You aren't making any sense. \"\n\"WE HAVE KIDNAPPED HER!! SHE WILL DIE IF YOU DON'T DO EXCATLY AS-\"\n\"Wait what?\"\n\"KIDNAPPED! SISTER! SPARKLE!\"\n\"You kidnapped my sister?\"\n\"YES! \"\n\"No wonder God kicked you out.\"\n\"WHAT?! NO! THIS ISN'T JESUS!\"\n\"Why would you call here pretending to be Jesus, that doesn't make any sense at all.\"\n\"ARRRGGHHH!!!\n\"Is there someone else I could talk to, you don't seem very good at this.\"\n\"YOU HAVE ONE HOUR OR ELSE SHE DIES!\"\n\"Who dies?\"\n\"SPARKLE!!!\"\n\"Sparkle isn't here, I'm sorry, wrong number. \"\n\"THIS FOOLISHNESS WILL COME TO AN END, NOW! MARK MY WORDS YOU WILL PAY DEARLY FOR YOUR MOCKERY!\"\n\"Hey, you're the one who called here, pretending to be Jesus. Now what's this all about. You kidnapped Sparkle?\"\n\"YES!\"\n\"Sparkle Shadowpaw? As in, my sister?\"\n\"YES! SHE WILL SUFFER UNIMAGINABLE TORMENT UNLESS YOU-\"\n\"Ok, first shut up. Secondly, what did you do, tie her up with rope?\"\n\"HA! I WON'T DEVAULGE THE LOCATION OF H-\n\" Canni talk to her?\"\n\"YOU CANNOT TA-\"\n\"So, what, you call here pretending to be Jesus, make a whole bunch of demands and then claim you have my sister, which can't possibly be true, and you won't let me talk to her to verify?\"\n\"...ONE MOMENT...\"\n\"Hellooooooo, is this Spice?\"\n\"Hey Spark, what's up?\"\n\"Hahaha, these chinese guys kidnapped me. Crazy right?\"\n\"Are you ok?\"\n\"Oh, ducky. They tied me up with bandanas and rope! \"\n\"HAHAHAHA Seriously?! Do they know you're an escape artist?\" Spice asked, her voice lightening when she her Sparkle's on the other end of the line.\n\"No, I don't think they did any research at all other then jumping me on my way home from work. These guys are really pissed at you. One of them looks like Jesus. \" The voice said, and in the background, Spice could hear someone hollering.\n\"I DO NOT LOOK LIKE JESUS!\"\n\"Shut up, ya bible Thumper. Anyway, Spice what's the deal with these guys? They are really gunning for you.\"\n\"I don't know, I did a mission and killed the leader of a gang of Triads, so I guess their pretty pissed or something. Whiny fucks. \" Spice sighed, rolling her eyes.\n\"I know right, totall- hang on. No, I'm not done yet. Yeah, I'm still talking to her. Whadda mean \"How'd you get your arms free? What part of \"Escape artist\" did you not get? Yeah. My mom taught me. No, I can't speak Chinese. I'm sorry it's not helping that you're yelling at me in Chinese. All I hear is crazy moon speak. ENGLISH I CAN HAS?! Look, Spice, sorry, I gotta go, I think I'm about to get shot or something, one of these idiots is waving a gun, and screaming in Mandarin or something, and I'm itching to get home and catch House on USA. So, it's cool if I completely decimate this place...that's not gonna interrupt any of your work?\" Sparkle asked with an irritated sigh. Spice chuckled and shook her head.\n\"No. But now I'm kinda pissed cause I'm all in bed n' shit and I wanted to see that go down. \"\n\"Well nothing really to see, oops, hang on. MAGNET!! Awww I'm sorry, what's wrong, can't pick your gun up off the floor? That's a damn shame. How ya gonna shoot me now? LULZ. Yeah. Fuck you Btard. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, right, you know, a fireball here, a freeze blast there...maybe Ultima if I'm feeling particularly in the mood for fireworks. Anyway, I'll call ya in a little while. \"\n\"Sure thing sis. See you later.\" Spice chuckled quietly, and hung up the phone. She stretched, gave a soft yawn, and closed her eyes, happily drifting off to sleep.\n", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "Spice had been up for two days. Two total days on assignment, in the far east, saving the world from a war it wasn't allowed to know was taking place. Long Shot had gotten on her last nerve, and Kinetix had nearly died twice. To put it mildly, she'd been having a rough time, and the last thing she wanted to do, was go on another assignment for the government. Heck, the only thing she wanted to do was crawl into bed, and pass out for the next week. She'd spent all her energy sneaking in and out of heavily guarded mansions, palaces, and hotels, while doing her absolute best to avoid getting herself killed and The team destroyed. Now that it was over- it was all, finally over- all she wanted to do, was sleep.
So when the silent helicopter dropped her off at her apartment rooftop at 3:38 AM, she was pleased as punch to crawl directly into bed the moment she got inside. When the phone rang off the hook at 3:48 am, she was less the pleased.

"Mmmmmh...If this is anyone but Jesus, I just don't give a fuck, and if this IS Jesus, where's the my little pony I lost when I was five?"The surly wolf muttered, her eyes shut tight, while the soft fleece blanket surrounded her body as tightly as possible.
"HELLO! IS THIS THE AMERICAN SPICE?!"
"What?"
"SPICE?!"
"What?"
"IS THIS SPICE?!
"Jesus? Is that you? Shouldn't you know my name?"
"I'M NOT JESUS!"
"I'm sorry what?"
"SPICE?!"
"No, I'm Spice, you're Jesus. "
"WAIT...WHAT?!
"Hello?"
"THIS IS SPICE, YES?"!
"You'd think they'd have better reception in Heaven."
"I AM NOT IN HEAVEN!!"
"Whoa...you got kicked outta heaven? Man, God must be pissed!"
"THIS IS NOT JESUS!!!"
"Then why do I give a fuck?"
"WE HAVE YOUR SISTER! IF YOU WANT HER BACK YOU WIL-"
"What?"
"YOUR SISTER!"
"What?"
"YOUR SISTER! SISTER!!!"
"You don't sound anything like my sister."
"NO! WE HAVE HER!"
"Who?"
"SPARKLE!"
"Who?"
"SPARKLE!"
"Wait, Sparkle?"
"YES!"
"No, Sparkle isn't here, I'm sorry. Wrong number."
"NO! WE HAVE HER!"
"You have her?"
"YES!"
"You have my sister Sparkle?"
"YES!!! YES!!!"
"Then why are you calling here, looking for her?"
"NO! WE-"
"Wait, you don't have her?"
"NO WE DO HAVE HER!!"
"You aren't making any sense. "
"WE HAVE KIDNAPPED HER!! SHE WILL DIE IF YOU DON'T DO EXCATLY AS-"
"Wait what?"
"KIDNAPPED! SISTER! SPARKLE!"
"You kidnapped my sister?"
"YES! "
"No wonder God kicked you out."
"WHAT?! NO! THIS ISN'T JESUS!"
"Why would you call here pretending to be Jesus, that doesn't make any sense at all."
"ARRRGGHHH!!!
"Is there someone else I could talk to, you don't seem very good at this."
"YOU HAVE ONE HOUR OR ELSE SHE DIES!"
"Who dies?"
"SPARKLE!!!"
"Sparkle isn't here, I'm sorry, wrong number. "
"THIS FOOLISHNESS WILL COME TO AN END, NOW! MARK MY WORDS YOU WILL PAY DEARLY FOR YOUR MOCKERY!"
"Hey, you're the one who called here, pretending to be Jesus. Now what's this all about. You kidnapped Sparkle?"
"YES!"
"Sparkle Shadowpaw? As in, my sister?"
"YES! SHE WILL SUFFER UNIMAGINABLE TORMENT UNLESS YOU-"
"Ok, first shut up. Secondly, what did you do, tie her up with rope?"
"HA! I WON'T DEVAULGE THE LOCATION OF H-
" Canni talk to her?"
"YOU CANNOT TA-"
"So, what, you call here pretending to be Jesus, make a whole bunch of demands and then claim you have my sister, which can't possibly be true, and you won't let me talk to her to verify?"
"...ONE MOMENT..."
"Hellooooooo, is this Spice?"
"Hey Spark, what's up?"
"Hahaha, these chinese guys kidnapped me. Crazy right?"
"Are you ok?"
"Oh, ducky. They tied me up with bandanas and rope! "
"HAHAHAHA Seriously?! Do they know you're an escape artist?" Spice asked, her voice lightening when she her Sparkle's on the other end of the line.
"No, I don't think they did any research at all other then jumping me on my way home from work. These guys are really pissed at you. One of them looks like Jesus. " The voice said, and in the background, Spice could hear someone hollering.
"I DO NOT LOOK LIKE JESUS!"
"Shut up, ya bible Thumper. Anyway, Spice what's the deal with these guys? They are really gunning for you."
"I don't know, I did a mission and killed the leader of a gang of Triads, so I guess their pretty pissed or something. Whiny fucks. " Spice sighed, rolling her eyes.
"I know right, totall- hang on. No, I'm not done yet. Yeah, I'm still talking to her. Whadda mean "How'd you get your arms free? What part of "Escape artist" did you not get? Yeah. My mom taught me. No, I can't speak Chinese. I'm sorry it's not helping that you're yelling at me in Chinese. All I hear is crazy moon speak.  ENGLISH I CAN HAS?!  Look, Spice, sorry, I gotta go, I think  I'm about to get shot or something, one of these idiots is waving a gun, and screaming in Mandarin or something, and I'm itching to get home and catch House on USA. So, it's cool if I completely decimate this place...that's not gonna interrupt any of your work?" Sparkle asked with an irritated sigh. Spice chuckled and shook her head.
"No. But now I'm kinda pissed cause I'm all in bed n' shit and I wanted to see that go down. "
"Well nothing really to see, oops, hang on. MAGNET!! Awww I'm sorry, what's wrong, can't pick your gun up off the floor? That's a damn shame. How ya gonna shoot me now? LULZ. Yeah. Fuck you Btard. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, right, you know, a fireball here, a freeze blast there...maybe Ultima if I'm feeling particularly in the mood for fireworks. Anyway, I'll call ya in a little while. "
"Sure thing sis. See you later." Spice chuckled quietly, and hung up the phone. She stretched, gave a soft yawn, and closed her eyes, happily drifting off to sleep.
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