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It was actually \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tSukiChan\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t		\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tSukiChan\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
who had given me the idea for a sequel shortly after I uploaded the previous fic. A few questions were proposed and, though they weren't all answered, there are still quite a few that I did decide to answer.
Mainly how Constance would react to her new little brother.
And so this fic was written. ^^
It's only half as long as the original fic was. XD", "writing": "[center][b][u]Leaving The Cave[/u][/b][/center]\n\n[b][u]Shadow's POV[/u][/b]\n\nThis terrible pain wreaked havoc on my body as contractions kept running throughout my body. I was on all fours or my elbows and knees, huffing and puffing as a pool of amniotic fluid stained my thighs and the mossy ground beneath me. Bitten back cries and whines are all that leave my vocal cords.\nExactly twenty years after giving birth to my daughter, I was in labour again. With my water broken and my cervix fully dilated, I have begun to push along with each painful cramp, following the urge that came along with it.\nI followed it gladly, because this time I wasn't so filled with dread as I gave in with each urge to push, hoping to soon see the baby I would be allowed to raise.\nAfter four months and a half, nearly five, of carrying this quickly growing little creature, I would finally be able to hold it soon. I can hardly wait, I'm simply dying to lay my eyes on the child and promise it the world.\n\"Come on... I know you're almost there...\" I groaned breathlessly as I pushed. My heart pounding fiercely in my chest. I knew I was crowning, reaching down there with a hand made me feel two small ears were already portruding.\nSo I pushed as hard as I could, remembering to conserve my energy, to breath and relax my aching body between each painful contraction. I was massaging my abdomen too, hoping that would help coax the child to leave me faster.\nI was so incredibly relieved when I could feel that the head had left me when I reached down there again. If I'm right, it should only take a few more pushes and then hours of work and pain would finally be rewarded.\nMy energy was rejuvinated upon this discovery and so I pushed again. Once, twice, thrice, and then I could eventually feel my baby leave me as I cried out one last time in effort, catching the small being safe and sound to cradle it in both of my arms.\nI sat frozen for a good second or two, pain making way for numb throbbing and relief, before I could finally move again. I held the newborn up to my chest and it was a complete mess as expected.\nBut what was the first thing I noticed? That it was a little boy.\nI had a son.\n\"Hey there.\" I told him as I got him to take his very first breath and cry. A feeling that I can't describe with words welled up in my chest and overwhelmed me as I heard that shrill sound.\nI was just so happy, nothing could compare to what I feel right now. This small creature moving in my arms, the tears gathered by pain now slipped down because of him, not finding the strength or reason to keep them from coming.\nHe was so small and so delicate. His cries affected me in a way that I didn't even know was possible. I hadn't felt this way with Constance before, probably because I got barely an hour with her, because my mind was clouded with dread and sorrow. Everyhing I had missed out with her, I would now be able to experience with him.\nWhatever organism I had stumbled upon, I couldn't be more grateful. It's given me exactly what I had been missing, filled that hole in my heart. Simply holding this boy felt so healing to me.\nThough he was still filthy and we were still connected for the time being, I held him close against my chest and savoured this moment.\nThe moment that I could finally hold my child.\n\n[i]'The 30th of April 2017,\nHello, it's me again. I am, after a long hiatus, finally on my way back home. I will not disclose the exact reason for my long break, but just know that it was unexpected and amazing.\nWhen I do get home, expect my newest pictures up on the blog very soon.\n- Shadow'[/i]\n\nFinishing the entry, I submitted it to my blog before shutting my laptop and leaning back in this chair I was seated upon.\nI have left the cave now for the first time in four months and a half. With my son now with me, I didn't see any reason to stay any longer and even the Organism who helped me conceive him thought it was time for me to go.\nAfter a short day's rest, it illuminated the path out of the cave that it called home, telling me it was time to leave and face the wide open world with my son.\nI still don't know what it was, I had absolutely no idea, and I felt like it didn't want me to know either.\nYes, that's the kind of feeling I got and I was fine with it. It was why, after turning my laptop on and plugging in the SD-card because my camera was still smashed, I had deleted the peculiar photos of strange eggs and bioluminescent moss.\nI had no qualms about deleting those as the imagery will always be carved into my mind's eye. It and my son's true origins will be a secret I will take to the grave.\nSpeaking of my son, he was with me right now. He slept in a baby sling, healthy as could be.\nHe looked mostly like me. In species, in fur, and in quills, but there were some influences from the Organism aswell. Like the sort off almost fluorescent green tips on his ears and spines. So far he even seemed to be sleeping the most comfortable with at least one plant in the room. That was something I had quickly noticed.\nAfter leaving the dense and chilly forest, I had headed straight towards a hospital in my urgency to have myself and my baby looked over. I had made up some story about how I went to the forest for my project and got lost only to find out then that I was pregnant.\nThe doctors had believed my tale as I wouldn't be the first one to get lost in what was pretty much still unexplored terrain. What they could not believe, however, was that both my baby and I were somehow healthy as could be after spending months lost in that forest. It's even possible I'm healthier now than I was before I entered the cave.\nThe Organism, it was capable of everything.\nI had spend another two nights in that hospital as they wanted to make sure we were absolutely fine, running countless tests, and during both nights my newborn was restless. After buying the bare essentials for my son, I had rented a room in a motel as that was cheaper and this room had a small potted plant. In an instant the boy seemed to sleep better.\nSo I think I can draw only one conclusion from this.\nI will have to move to the countryside, somewhere where nature was still a plenty, to keep my boy happy. Not that I would regret leaving that apartment of mine.\n\"Next week we'll hopefully have our flight back home. Once the doctor gives us his permission we'll be all set. You'll be a good boy on the plane, won't you?\" I asked as I looked down on the boy, stroking his cheek with a finger, which he apparently wanted to suckle on.\nMust mean it'll soon be time to feed him, right?\nThe doubt always reminds me there is so much I needed to learn.\n\nI used to hate my post-partum body.\nThe belly that still remained after my child had left me, the marks still visible underneath my fur even years later, my aching chest, the signs were endless.\nI remember vividly how my parents had made me go back to school the very day after I returned from the hospital and how my mother had both given me a diet and training schedule to get rid of every little bit of baby fat that might remain.\nI did used to be very much into sports before Constance and she knew that. So through what I used to love most in school, mom wanted to erase every physical hint of my daughter's existence.\nIt might've caused me to develop an eating disorder in that one lonely decade too. I ate much too little and pushed myself as I exercised. The latter had been vain attempts at ridding me of my frustrations and had made me look anything by healthy.\nI have made some very bad decisions in my life.\nBefore I discovered my only love and mate, photography, of course.\nIn the past that physical trauma was a story of separation, a tale splayed open for all to read and read they did. Teachers, classmates, complete strangers, I felt stared at, ridiculed, and criticised no matter where I went.\nBut as I looked into the mirror of the bathroom now, it was one of motherhood.\nI would want my old body back soon, of course, but I wasn't as ashamed as I was back then. That extra chubbiness, the belly, this time they were signs left behind by my son.\nOld painful memories were still there, but this time they were joined by new healing ones.\nThat isn't to say that I hated my daughter. Constance will always take up most of the space in my heart, as will her brother.\nNow I should be focussing on recovering a little and getting ready to return home.\nSighing lightly as I turned away from the mirror, I looked through the suitcase to find my nightwear and begin another restless night.\n\nA week after my son's birth, we were allowed to go home. With the doctor's permission, I packed my stuff and headed back home, giving back the rental car and paying the fees for keeping it much longer than agreed. After all was said and done, my one week old and I had the joy of traveling back home.\nIt was a little challenging, usually baby's aren't supposed to be traveling until they were at least three months old, but I honestly just wanted to get home. Well, for as long as that place will stay home until I find a more healthier place for my son to grow up in.\nI could handle the feedings, I was prepared for any bacteria that would dare harm my baby, I have been planning all week how to fit travel into the sleeping schedule I wanted us to follow. Simply put, I was ready. The lack of plants was the real problem here.\nMy son become a fussy one whenever he was away from nature for too long and it showed when he became restless during the flight too. Poor boy, I should've foreseen it after he worried half of the hospital staff to death with his long endless crying.\nI could hear people complaining already. They were telling me to be a mother to my baby for once. It was like being in high school all over again.\nExcept peers and superiors were no longer gossiping behind my back about how irresponsible my audacity to follow a diet was while I was clearly pregnant, though my mother was the one to force it on me.\nInstead they had turned into douchebags and other intolerable fellow passengers complaining about a baby's sole way of communication. There were surprisingly more people who'd get angry at a baby for crying than you'd think.\nI ignored them this time. Instead of hiding away, I let my voice be heard and hummed for the newborn boy. Though nature was nowhere to be found on this plane, not a single leaf or twig, the very sound of my voice calmed him down and even a smile formed on his lips as he slept.\nBad memories didn't matter, not anymore. That's what I had to remember and it became easier with each day spend with my little boy.\nOnce the plane touched down and its passengers were let out, some relieved to be rid of a certain crying babe, I'm sure, I grabbed my bags and left the airport. With my bags in tow and a week old baby strapped to my chest with a baby carrier, I took a cab home, deciding to search for my car once I've made sure I still had my home.\n\nArriving home wasn't as lonely anymore.\n\"And here we are, babe. We're home.\" I told the exhausted little boy, pecking a kiss on his temple as I pushed my key into the lock of my front door and unlocked it.\nHis head laid on my collarbone, his mouth open and closing as a suckling reflex while his tiny hands held an unsure grip on my shirt. Looking at my watch, I realised that it was close to feeding time again. Looks like I got home just in time.\nClosing my door behind me and immediately noticing the dusty mess, I knew that nothing has changed and this apartment was still mine.\n\"There's such a mess I left behind. I better clean up tomorrow before the baby blues kick in. Otherwise I won't be just exhausted, but I'd be too emotional to do so.\" I spoke almost absentmindedly to the boy as I walked further into the home, leaving my luggage in the hallway to be taken care off first thing in the morning.\nEntering the living room, I removed the straps to hold my son in my arms and left the baby carrier on the couch as I made my way into the kitchen. I was dying to quench my thirst and it had been quite a long drive from the airport to my apartment, let alone the flight itself.\nBut I couldn't quite reach the kitchen when I heard the front door opening. In my tired state, I must've failed at closing the door properly or someone must've gotten a key while I was gone.\nOr more importantly, I had a feeling that I knew who was inviting herself without permission into my abode. Or that was something that I hoped at least.\nThat was another thing I've been wondering this past week. How would Constance react to her little brother? She gets angry at most things I do, might even accuse me of replacing her.\nHer supposed 'abandonment', though I'm sure that's not something her adoptive parents made her believe, gave her some anger issues direct towards me. I should change that.\nI wanted that to change, wanted her to know how it really happened, didn't want her to hate me anymore. Lately, since I've gotten pregnant, I feel more confident and filled with this resolve.\n\"Shadow? You're finally back?\" It was her voice and, turning around, it was her face too.\nIt really was Constance.\nShe didn't call me 'mom' in that mocking tone of hers, instead opting to use my actual name. She certainly did seem somewhat relieved to see me home safe and sound.\nConstance approached, the front door most likely still open because I hadn't heard it close, but as her green eyes fell on the boy in my arms, she stopped dead in her tracks in shock.\nOf course, the first thing the young woman noticed was how much he looked like me. Naturally, the first thing to do was to get angry.\n\"Is this why you suddenly disappeared for almost five whole months?\"I could hear the hidden tone of anger in Constance's voice, but that wasn't what her eyes told me.\nI've told her several times that I cared, that I still held her in my heart, that I haven't been able to stop thinking about her for the entire 20 years of her life. Constance was the kind of person to easily draw her own conclusions without knowing the full story, like she's done several times already, she probably had her mind made up already.\nHer eyes held tears. She was trying so hard to hold them in, but they were definitely there.\n\"We were worried sick about you and all this time you were having my replacement?\" Did I just hear 'we' and 'worried sick about me' in the same sentence? Nevermind the fact that I knew she'd believe I was replacing her.\n\"It's a boy, isn't he? Are you going to abandon him too? Are you going to give him away and in a couple of years replace him aswell?\" With her temper flared, she went right on a tirade of questions and she wasn't being gentle about it.\nIt was then that I felt something I hadn't experienced in a long time anymore.\nLike all of my other emotions were suddenly re-awakened by the birth of my son, so did anger. Because of this, I couldn't stand this any longer.\nAfter four years of abuse from my own daughter brought forth from the hatred of her abandonment, I was finally going to set the record straight. Now I would tell her how it really happened.\n\"I'm not going to give him away. I'd never do such a thing, Const-\"\n\"Than why did you do it to me? You were 16, I get that it's hard, but you could've tried! Why did you abandon me, but not him? What makes him so special?!\" Her tears were flowing freely now and I could see just how her heart had been shattered.\nHer parents were wonderful people. Even upon meeting again at that reception did the mother immediately and emotionally state how I had grown up. She even asked me if I had been eating well enough because I looked a bit pale. She said it in such a motherly way that made me feel like she was talking of her own child. She was a born mother.\nI don't know how they broke the news to her, but hearing that she was adopted must've broken Constance's heart. The thought that someone who was supposed to love and nurture her, her own birth mother, gave her away like one would give away a shirt or a book was just too much to bear.\nIt had broken her heart, made her desperate to know why she had not been wanted as an innocent infant.\nThat was why I had to tell her the truth. My answer would be harsh, I knew it would be, but I was so sick of it all. Finally, I would let her know what actually happened, that I didn't abandon her of my own free will.\nI just wanted to shake her awake.\n\"He's not anymore special than you are. I was simply capable of having another baby and I did. At least this one won't be stolen from me.\" With my own resentment only just suppressed did I speak, Constance's eyes were widening in shock.\nFor a good minute, she was frozen and speechless. The poor girl didn't quite know what to make of my answer.\n\"What do you mean? My parents aren't kidnappers! You were the one-\"\n\"Who was forced to give you up because he was introduced to possible adoptive parents the day before he gave birth, unaware that his own parents had been planning on stabbing their only child in the back.\" I let the venom in my heart be known, no longer caring about numbing the pain.\nThe poor girl was panicking.\n\"No-\"\n\"Constance, I know the man and woman who raised you did a wonderful job. You're successful, in college, I know you work hard, and you're kind when you want to be, but they aren't the thieves I'm referring to.\" Grabbing her hand, I got her to look back up to me.\nWith that clue she easily figured out just who I was referring to, though they were never even mentioned once in the four years we've found eachother again. It just seemed like the next logical answer.\n\"My biological grandparents? But if that's true, than why would you keep it hidden all this time? Why didn't you try to find me?! Why did you never prove me wrong?!\" She had long since stopped pretending to be strong and finally her true feelings made themselves known to me.\nShe was crying so much, breaking now that I was finally arguing back and telling her the truth, telling her that she had never been abandoned, not by me.\nIf my heart was breaking at just this display, than I wonder how my own parents managed to look me in the eye and tell me to 'suck it up and get over it' so I wouldn't make a scene, so I wouldn't bother them with my misery.\n\"I suppose guilt smothered me.\" And I was broken, but I decided to leave that at a thought.\nI won't be broken again. I'll tell her the real story and I won't let her go again.\n\"Guilt? You'd think guilt would drive you to tell me the truth.\" Constance tried to compose herself, drying her tears.\n\"People are strange things, Constance. They each react differently to different things and when your parents came to adopt you the day of your birth and I signed the papers simply because I believed there was nothing I could do, guilt quickly came.\" While speaking up again, I brought a hand up to her face to help wipe her tears away.\nAnd she let me. It was the first motherly gesture I was ever allowed to show my daughter.\n\"I spend 20 years telling myself that I should've done more to keep you. The knowledge that you had good and dedicated parents should've helped still my feelings of sorrow, but they only made them stronger. I was so sure that I could've made you happy too.\" I got to cup her cheek and felt the warmth beneath my touch. This is the first time I got to touch her since holding her for that one hour.\n\"That I didn't fight for you made me feel guilty. It made me feel like I had no right to form a bond with you, no matter how badly I wanted to.\" That was how guilty I felt. Though I was given not a single chance, it was still the way I saw it.\nSnifs and sobs left my daughter, she wasn't quite sure what to with all of this new information.\nAll I wanted for her to believe me.\n\"You could've just told me what your parents did. Why did you let me be so horrible?\" Constance asked, finally believing that I've loved her all along, that it wasn't of my own will to give her up.\nI didn't respond to that question, but there was something I knew I could say.\n\"I would never give up on your little brother and I would've never given up on you had I been given the chance. I love both of you. Always have, always will.\" Trying to keep my composure, I told her what I have wanted to tell her for so long. I even dared to wrap my free arm around her to hold her close, hoping she'd be okay with this soft embrace.\nNot only was Constance completely fine with this, she even returned it and hugged me tighter than I hugged her.\nShe was accepting me. Finally she was accepting me.\nDamnit, are tears now growing in my eyes too?\nWe broke away much too soon for my liking, but I was comforted by the fact that there'd be a next time.\n\"Uhm... Mom?\" Calming down, my daughter called me 'mom' again, but no longer with that mocking tone anymore. She sounded hesitant, like she only wanted to try it out, but that was okay.\n\"Can we start over? Can I have a second chance? I want to know you and my brother.\" Constance looked so sincere as she looked up to me.\nMy heart was melting at the sight. That was all I ever wanted to hear.\n\"Of course, I want nothing more than to be a family again.\" Though I knew she had parents of her own, that wasn't something I couldn't say.\nThat bright smile I've only ever seen on that candid photo I took four years ago suddenly appeared on her muzzle again and this time it was definitely for me.\nIt was true. I finally had my daughter back. It took an extra couple of years, but here she was, smiling that smile I've been dying to see.\nBut enough about us. There was a little boy amongst us too and he was dying for some attention aswell. Or that's what the fussing told us, at least.\n\"Can I hold him?\" Constance asked as her brother woke up in my arms. With more urgent matters now taken care off, she wanted to get right to knowing him.\nThat wasn't a request I could deny and so I handed him over to his proud older sister, who happily took him and held him gentle.\n\"Hey there, what's your name?\" She asked while the infant looked everywhere except at her, like babies are known to do.\n\"Forrest. That's what I'm naming him.\" I answered as he obviously couldn't yet. Besides, it was a name I had only just thought of.\nForrest as a reminder of those beautiful and mysterious woods, where the cave was hidden behind a waterfall and was home to the alien Organism that made my deepest wish come true. And with those bits of green in his fur and his natural attraction towards nature, how could that name not be perfect for him?\n\"Forrest? Like the forest you went to over four months ago? It kind of fits with his cute green ears. How did you manage to live there for all those months if you were pregnant?\" I was seeing a whole new side to Constance now as she held her baby brother. A caring side that I was not familiar with.\nThere was something she stated that sounded quite peculiar to me, though.\n\"How did I manage to live there while pregnant? You knew? But you looked so surprised to see me with Forrest.\" That was indeed something she had to explain.\n\"I read a news article last week stating that a mother was lost in the forest for a total of four to five months before she gave birth there without help. Both she and the baby were somehow healthy, stunning medical professionals. When I read your post on the blog just two days later, in the back of my mind I knew there was a connection, but I just didn't believe it. Not until I saw him.\" So my daring pregnancy was on the news? Why am I not surprised?\nA small part of me wondered if my own parents had heard that news and if they somehow knew that it was me they were talking about.\nI highly doubt it.\n\"It's still early enough for dinner. Would you like to stay and have some? I'm sure I can order a pizza or something similar.\" Deciding to let the topic of my mom and dad rest, I brought up something entirely different and my growling stomach agreed.\nSpeaking of which, Forrest needed to be fed very soon too.\nConstance glanced up to me for a moment and nodded quickly before looking back down on her brother.\nIn an instance my phone, now charged up and ready for use, was in my hand as I dialed the number of the local pizzeria to order us some dinner, probably the healthiest they had.\nAs I waited for someone to answer, I looked back at my new family, at my beautiful daughter and my young son.\n\"I'm going to teach you all sorts of stuff. Like soccer, fishing, and I'm sure your mom won't mind to go camping with us. My mom and dad... they've always said they would've liked to know him better years ago. I think a hike would be the perfect opportunity, don't you?\" Even as someone on the other end of the line was asking me how he could help me, my mind was buzzing behind the meaning of her words.\nThe couple that adopted my daughter... It sounded like they've been wanting me to involve myself in Constance's life for years already.\nSo did they know then? Did they figure something really was wrong with that 16 year old boy breaking down in that hospital bed? Did they silently wonder if those cries didn't sound a little more unwilling than they should've been?\nLooks like they had been convinced I wanted nothing to do with her.\nBoy, oh boy, I wonder by who.\n\"Yes, I'd like to place an order.\" I finally answered before they hung up on me, my gaze still glued to my children.\nWhat happened in the past didn't matter anymore. My daughter was here and accepted me. With my son I could finally experience all those first steps I had missed, I had someone to raise and love. Constance's adoptive parents, they were more than open to involve me in their family aswell.\nMy life could never be more perfect than it was right now. My 20 year old depression was gone, old and messy scars weren't as sensitive anymore, bad memories were fading away, I was no longer broken.\nI honestly couldn't be happier. I finally had that family I've been longing to have for so long and they were right here at my side.\nI was no longer alone.", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "
Leaving The Cave


Shadow's POV

This terrible pain wreaked havoc on my body as contractions kept running throughout my body. I was on all fours or my elbows and knees, huffing and puffing as a pool of amniotic fluid stained my thighs and the mossy ground beneath me. Bitten back cries and whines are all that leave my vocal cords.
Exactly twenty years after giving birth to my daughter, I was in labour again. With my water broken and my cervix fully dilated, I have begun to push along with each painful cramp, following the urge that came along with it.
I followed it gladly, because this time I wasn't so filled with dread as I gave in with each urge to push, hoping to soon see the baby I would be allowed to raise.
After four months and a half, nearly five, of carrying this quickly growing little creature, I would finally be able to hold it soon. I can hardly wait, I'm simply dying to lay my eyes on the child and promise it the world.
"Come on... I know you're almost there..." I groaned breathlessly as I pushed. My heart pounding fiercely in my chest. I knew I was crowning, reaching down there with a hand made me feel two small ears were already portruding.
So I pushed as hard as I could, remembering to conserve my energy, to breath and relax my aching body between each painful contraction. I was massaging my abdomen too, hoping that would help coax the child to leave me faster.
I was so incredibly relieved when I could feel that the head had left me when I reached down there again. If I'm right, it should only take a few more pushes and then hours of work and pain would finally be rewarded.
My energy was rejuvinated upon this discovery and so I pushed again. Once, twice, thrice, and then I could eventually feel my baby leave me as I cried out one last time in effort, catching the small being safe and sound to cradle it in both of my arms.
I sat frozen for a good second or two, pain making way for numb throbbing and relief, before I could finally move again. I held the newborn up to my chest and it was a complete mess as expected.
But what was the first thing I noticed? That it was a little boy.
I had a son.
"Hey there." I told him as I got him to take his very first breath and cry. A feeling that I can't describe with words welled up in my chest and overwhelmed me as I heard that shrill sound.
I was just so happy, nothing could compare to what I feel right now. This small creature moving in my arms, the tears gathered by pain now slipped down because of him, not finding the strength or reason to keep them from coming.
He was so small and so delicate. His cries affected me in a way that I didn't even know was possible. I hadn't felt this way with Constance before, probably because I got barely an hour with her, because my mind was clouded with dread and sorrow. Everyhing I had missed out with her, I would now be able to experience with him.
Whatever organism I had stumbled upon, I couldn't be more grateful. It's given me exactly what I had been missing, filled that hole in my heart. Simply holding this boy felt so healing to me.
Though he was still filthy and we were still connected for the time being, I held him close against my chest and savoured this moment.
The moment that I could finally hold my child.

'The 30th of April 2017,
Hello, it's me again. I am, after a long hiatus, finally on my way back home. I will not disclose the exact reason for my long break, but just know that it was unexpected and amazing.
When I do get home, expect my newest pictures up on the blog very soon.
- Shadow'

Finishing the entry, I submitted it to my blog before shutting my laptop and leaning back in this chair I was seated upon.
I have left the cave now for the first time in four months and a half. With my son now with me, I didn't see any reason to stay any longer and even the Organism who helped me conceive him thought it was time for me to go.
After a short day's rest, it illuminated the path out of the cave that it called home, telling me it was time to leave and face the wide open world with my son.
I still don't know what it was, I had absolutely no idea, and I felt like it didn't want me to know either.
Yes, that's the kind of feeling I got and I was fine with it. It was why, after turning my laptop on and plugging in the SD-card because my camera was still smashed, I had deleted the peculiar photos of strange eggs and bioluminescent moss.
I had no qualms about deleting those as the imagery will always be carved into my mind's eye. It and my son's true origins will be a secret I will take to the grave.
Speaking of my son, he was with me right now. He slept in a baby sling, healthy as could be.
He looked mostly like me. In species, in fur, and in quills, but there were some influences from the Organism aswell. Like the sort off almost fluorescent green tips on his ears and spines. So far he even seemed to be sleeping the most comfortable with at least one plant in the room. That was something I had quickly noticed.
After leaving the dense and chilly forest, I had headed straight towards a hospital in my urgency to have myself and my baby looked over. I had made up some story about how I went to the forest for my project and got lost only to find out then that I was pregnant.
The doctors had believed my tale as I wouldn't be the first one to get lost in what was pretty much still unexplored terrain. What they could not believe, however, was that both my baby and I were somehow healthy as could be after spending months lost in that forest. It's even possible I'm healthier now than I was before I entered the cave.
The Organism, it was capable of everything.
I had spend another two nights in that hospital as they wanted to make sure we were absolutely fine, running countless tests, and during both nights my newborn was restless. After buying the bare essentials for my son, I had rented a room in a motel as that was cheaper and this room had a small potted plant. In an instant the boy seemed to sleep better.
So I think I can draw only one conclusion from this.
I will have to move to the countryside, somewhere where nature was still a plenty, to keep my boy happy. Not that I would regret leaving that apartment of mine.
"Next week we'll hopefully have our flight back home. Once the doctor gives us his permission we'll be all set. You'll be a good boy on the plane, won't you?" I asked as I looked down on the boy, stroking his cheek with a finger, which he apparently wanted to suckle on.
Must mean it'll soon be time to feed him, right?
The doubt always reminds me there is so much I needed to learn.

I used to hate my post-partum body.
The belly that still remained after my child had left me, the marks still visible underneath my fur even years later, my aching chest, the signs were endless.
I remember vividly how my parents had made me go back to school the very day after I returned from the hospital and how my mother had both given me a diet and training schedule to get rid of every little bit of baby fat that might remain.
I did used to be very much into sports before Constance and she knew that. So through what I used to love most in school, mom wanted to erase every physical hint of my daughter's existence.
It might've caused me to develop an eating disorder in that one lonely decade too. I ate much too little and pushed myself as I exercised. The latter had been vain attempts at ridding me of my frustrations and had made me look anything by healthy.
I have made some very bad decisions in my life.
Before I discovered my only love and mate, photography, of course.
In the past that physical trauma was a story of separation, a tale splayed open for all to read and read they did. Teachers, classmates, complete strangers, I felt stared at, ridiculed, and criticised no matter where I went.
But as I looked into the mirror of the bathroom now, it was one of motherhood.
I would want my old body back soon, of course, but I wasn't as ashamed as I was back then. That extra chubbiness, the belly, this time they were signs left behind by my son.
Old painful memories were still there, but this time they were joined by new healing ones.
That isn't to say that I hated my daughter. Constance will always take up most of the space in my heart, as will her brother.
Now I should be focussing on recovering a little and getting ready to return home.
Sighing lightly as I turned away from the mirror, I looked through the suitcase to find my nightwear and begin another restless night.

A week after my son's birth, we were allowed to go home. With the doctor's permission, I packed my stuff and headed back home, giving back the rental car and paying the fees for keeping it much longer than agreed. After all was said and done, my one week old and I had the joy of traveling back home.
It was a little challenging, usually baby's aren't supposed to be traveling until they were at least three months old, but I honestly just wanted to get home. Well, for as long as that place will stay home until I find a more healthier place for my son to grow up in.
I could handle the feedings, I was prepared for any bacteria that would dare harm my baby, I have been planning all week how to fit travel into the sleeping schedule I wanted us to follow. Simply put, I was ready. The lack of plants was the real problem here.
My son become a fussy one whenever he was away from nature for too long and it showed when he became restless during the flight too. Poor boy, I should've foreseen it after he worried half of the hospital staff to death with his long endless crying.
I could hear people complaining already. They were telling me to be a mother to my baby for once. It was like being in high school all over again.
Except peers and superiors were no longer gossiping behind my back about how irresponsible my audacity to follow a diet was while I was clearly pregnant, though my mother was the one to force it on me.
Instead they had turned into douchebags and other intolerable fellow passengers complaining about a baby's sole way of communication. There were surprisingly more people who'd get angry at a baby for crying than you'd think.
I ignored them this time. Instead of hiding away, I let my voice be heard and hummed for the newborn boy. Though nature was nowhere to be found on this plane, not a single leaf or twig, the very sound of my voice calmed him down and even a smile formed on his lips as he slept.
Bad memories didn't matter, not anymore. That's what I had to remember and it became easier with each day spend with my little boy.
Once the plane touched down and its passengers were let out, some relieved to be rid of a certain crying babe, I'm sure, I grabbed my bags and left the airport. With my bags in tow and a week old baby strapped to my chest with a baby carrier, I took a cab home, deciding to search for my car once I've made sure I still had my home.

Arriving home wasn't as lonely anymore.
"And here we are, babe. We're home." I told the exhausted little boy, pecking a kiss on his temple as I pushed my key into the lock of my front door and unlocked it.
His head laid on my collarbone, his mouth open and closing as a suckling reflex while his tiny hands held an unsure grip on my shirt. Looking at my watch, I realised that it was close to feeding time again. Looks like I got home just in time.
Closing my door behind me and immediately noticing the dusty mess, I knew that nothing has changed and this apartment was still mine.
"There's such a mess I left behind. I better clean up tomorrow before the baby blues kick in. Otherwise I won't be just exhausted, but I'd be too emotional to do so." I spoke almost absentmindedly to the boy as I walked further into the home, leaving my luggage in the hallway to be taken care off first thing in the morning.
Entering the living room, I removed the straps to hold my son in my arms and left the baby carrier on the couch as I made my way into the kitchen. I was dying to quench my thirst and it had been quite a long drive from the airport to my apartment, let alone the flight itself.
But I couldn't quite reach the kitchen when I heard the front door opening. In my tired state, I must've failed at closing the door properly or someone must've gotten a key while I was gone.
Or more importantly, I had a feeling that I knew who was inviting herself without permission into my abode. Or that was something that I hoped at least.
That was another thing I've been wondering this past week. How would Constance react to her little brother? She gets angry at most things I do, might even accuse me of replacing her.
Her supposed 'abandonment', though I'm sure that's not something her adoptive parents made her believe, gave her some anger issues direct towards me. I should change that.
I wanted that to change, wanted her to know how it really happened, didn't want her to hate me anymore. Lately, since I've gotten pregnant, I feel more confident and filled with this resolve.
"Shadow? You're finally back?" It was her voice and, turning around, it was her face too.
It really was Constance.
She didn't call me 'mom' in that mocking tone of hers, instead opting to use my actual name. She certainly did seem somewhat relieved to see me home safe and sound.
Constance approached, the front door most likely still open because I hadn't heard it close, but as her green eyes fell on the boy in my arms, she stopped dead in her tracks in shock.
Of course, the first thing the young woman noticed was how much he looked like me. Naturally, the first thing to do was to get angry.
"Is this why you suddenly disappeared for almost five whole months?"I could hear the hidden tone of anger in Constance's voice, but that wasn't what her eyes told me.
I've told her several times that I cared, that I still held her in my heart, that I haven't been able to stop thinking about her for the entire 20 years of her life. Constance was the kind of person to easily draw her own conclusions without knowing the full story, like she's done several times already, she probably had her mind made up already.
Her eyes held tears. She was trying so hard to hold them in, but they were definitely there.
"We were worried sick about you and all this time you were having my replacement?" Did I just hear 'we' and 'worried sick about me' in the same sentence? Nevermind the fact that I knew she'd believe I was replacing her.
"It's a boy, isn't he? Are you going to abandon him too? Are you going to give him away and in a couple of years replace him aswell?" With her temper flared, she went right on a tirade of questions and she wasn't being gentle about it.
It was then that I felt something I hadn't experienced in a long time anymore.
Like all of my other emotions were suddenly re-awakened by the birth of my son, so did anger. Because of this, I couldn't stand this any longer.
After four years of abuse from my own daughter brought forth from the hatred of her abandonment, I was finally going to set the record straight. Now I would tell her how it really happened.
"I'm not going to give him away. I'd never do such a thing, Const-"
"Than why did you do it to me? You were 16, I get that it's hard, but you could've tried! Why did you abandon me, but not him? What makes him so special?!" Her tears were flowing freely now and I could see just how her heart had been shattered.
Her parents were wonderful people. Even upon meeting again at that reception did the mother immediately and emotionally state how I had grown up. She even asked me if I had been eating well enough because I looked a bit pale. She said it in such a motherly way that made me feel like she was talking of her own child. She was a born mother.
I don't know how they broke the news to her, but hearing that she was adopted must've broken Constance's heart. The thought that someone who was supposed to love and nurture her, her own birth mother, gave her away like one would give away a shirt or a book was just too much to bear.
It had broken her heart, made her desperate to know why she had not been wanted as an innocent infant.
That was why I had to tell her the truth. My answer would be harsh, I knew it would be, but I was so sick of it all. Finally, I would let her know what actually happened, that I didn't abandon her of my own free will.
I just wanted to shake her awake.
"He's not anymore special than you are. I was simply capable of having another baby and I did. At least this one won't be stolen from me." With my own resentment only just suppressed did I speak, Constance's eyes were widening in shock.
For a good minute, she was frozen and speechless. The poor girl didn't quite know what to make of my answer.
"What do you mean? My parents aren't kidnappers! You were the one-"
"Who was forced to give you up because he was introduced to possible adoptive parents the day before he gave birth, unaware that his own parents had been planning on stabbing their only child in the back." I let the venom in my heart be known, no longer caring about numbing the pain.
The poor girl was panicking.
"No-"
"Constance, I know the man and woman who raised you did a wonderful job. You're successful, in college, I know you work hard, and you're kind when you want to be, but they aren't the thieves I'm referring to." Grabbing her hand, I got her to look back up to me.
With that clue she easily figured out just who I was referring to, though they were never even mentioned once in the four years we've found eachother again. It just seemed like the next logical answer.
"My biological grandparents? But if that's true, than why would you keep it hidden all this time? Why didn't you try to find me?! Why did you never prove me wrong?!" She had long since stopped pretending to be strong and finally her true feelings made themselves known to me.
She was crying so much, breaking now that I was finally arguing back and telling her the truth, telling her that she had never been abandoned, not by me.
If my heart was breaking at just this display, than I wonder how my own parents managed to look me in the eye and tell me to 'suck it up and get over it' so I wouldn't make a scene, so I wouldn't bother them with my misery.
"I suppose guilt smothered me." And I was broken, but I decided to leave that at a thought.
I won't be broken again. I'll tell her the real story and I won't let her go again.
"Guilt? You'd think guilt would drive you to tell me the truth." Constance tried to compose herself, drying her tears.
"People are strange things, Constance. They each react differently to different things and when your parents came to adopt you the day of your birth and I signed the papers simply because I believed there was nothing I could do, guilt quickly came." While speaking up again, I brought a hand up to her face to help wipe her tears away.
And she let me. It was the first motherly gesture I was ever allowed to show my daughter.
"I spend 20 years telling myself that I should've done more to keep you. The knowledge that you had good and dedicated parents should've helped still my feelings of sorrow, but they only made them stronger. I was so sure that I could've made you happy too." I got to cup her cheek and felt the warmth beneath my touch. This is the first time I got to touch her since holding her for that one hour.
"That I didn't fight for you made me feel guilty. It made me feel like I had no right to form a bond with you, no matter how badly I wanted to." That was how guilty I felt. Though I was given not a single chance, it was still the way I saw it.
Snifs and sobs left my daughter, she wasn't quite sure what to with all of this new information.
All I wanted for her to believe me.
"You could've just told me what your parents did. Why did you let me be so horrible?" Constance asked, finally believing that I've loved her all along, that it wasn't of my own will to give her up.
I didn't respond to that question, but there was something I knew I could say.
"I would never give up on your little brother and I would've never given up on you had I been given the chance. I love both of you. Always have, always will." Trying to keep my composure, I told her what I have wanted to tell her for so long. I even dared to wrap my free arm around her to hold her close, hoping she'd be okay with this soft embrace.
Not only was Constance completely fine with this, she even returned it and hugged me tighter than I hugged her.
She was accepting me. Finally she was accepting me.
Damnit, are tears now growing in my eyes too?
We broke away much too soon for my liking, but I was comforted by the fact that there'd be a next time.
"Uhm... Mom?" Calming down, my daughter called me 'mom' again, but no longer with that mocking tone anymore. She sounded hesitant, like she only wanted to try it out, but that was okay.
"Can we start over? Can I have a second chance? I want to know you and my brother." Constance looked so sincere as she looked up to me.
My heart was melting at the sight. That was all I ever wanted to hear.
"Of course, I want nothing more than to be a family again." Though I knew she had parents of her own, that wasn't something I couldn't say.
That bright smile I've only ever seen on that candid photo I took four years ago suddenly appeared on her muzzle again and this time it was definitely for me.
It was true. I finally had my daughter back. It took an extra couple of years, but here she was, smiling that smile I've been dying to see.
But enough about us. There was a little boy amongst us too and he was dying for some attention aswell. Or that's what the fussing told us, at least.
"Can I hold him?" Constance asked as her brother woke up in my arms. With more urgent matters now taken care off, she wanted to get right to knowing him.
That wasn't a request I could deny and so I handed him over to his proud older sister, who happily took him and held him gentle.
"Hey there, what's your name?" She asked while the infant looked everywhere except at her, like babies are known to do.
"Forrest. That's what I'm naming him." I answered as he obviously couldn't yet. Besides, it was a name I had only just thought of.
Forrest as a reminder of those beautiful and mysterious woods, where the cave was hidden behind a waterfall and was home to the alien Organism that made my deepest wish come true. And with those bits of green in his fur and his natural attraction towards nature, how could that name not be perfect for him?
"Forrest? Like the forest you went to over four months ago? It kind of fits with his cute green ears. How did you manage to live there for all those months if you were pregnant?" I was seeing a whole new side to Constance now as she held her baby brother. A caring side that I was not familiar with.
There was something she stated that sounded quite peculiar to me, though.
"How did I manage to live there while pregnant? You knew? But you looked so surprised to see me with Forrest." That was indeed something she had to explain.
"I read a news article last week stating that a mother was lost in the forest for a total of four to five months before she gave birth there without help. Both she and the baby were somehow healthy, stunning medical professionals. When I read your post on the blog just two days later, in the back of my mind I knew there was a connection, but I just didn't believe it. Not until I saw him." So my daring pregnancy was on the news? Why am I not surprised?
A small part of me wondered if my own parents had heard that news and if they somehow knew that it was me they were talking about.
I highly doubt it.
"It's still early enough for dinner. Would you like to stay and have some? I'm sure I can order a pizza or something similar." Deciding to let the topic of my mom and dad rest, I brought up something entirely different and my growling stomach agreed.
Speaking of which, Forrest needed to be fed very soon too.
Constance glanced up to me for a moment and nodded quickly before looking back down on her brother.
In an instance my phone, now charged up and ready for use, was in my hand as I dialed the number of the local pizzeria to order us some dinner, probably the healthiest they had.
As I waited for someone to answer, I looked back at my new family, at my beautiful daughter and my young son.
"I'm going to teach you all sorts of stuff. Like soccer, fishing, and I'm sure your mom won't mind to go camping with us. My mom and dad... they've always said they would've liked to know him better years ago. I think a hike would be the perfect opportunity, don't you?" Even as someone on the other end of the line was asking me how he could help me, my mind was buzzing behind the meaning of her words.
The couple that adopted my daughter... It sounded like they've been wanting me to involve myself in Constance's life for years already.
So did they know then? Did they figure something really was wrong with that 16 year old boy breaking down in that hospital bed? Did they silently wonder if those cries didn't sound a little more unwilling than they should've been?
Looks like they had been convinced I wanted nothing to do with her.
Boy, oh boy, I wonder by who.
"Yes, I'd like to place an order." I finally answered before they hung up on me, my gaze still glued to my children.
What happened in the past didn't matter anymore. My daughter was here and accepted me. With my son I could finally experience all those first steps I had missed, I had someone to raise and love. Constance's adoptive parents, they were more than open to involve me in their family aswell.
My life could never be more perfect than it was right now. My 20 year old depression was gone, old and messy scars weren't as sensitive anymore, bad memories were fading away, I was no longer broken.
I honestly couldn't be happier. I finally had that family I've been longing to have for so long and they were right here at my side.
I was no longer alone.", "pools_count": 1, "title": "Leaving The Cave", "deleted": "f", "public": "t", "mimetype": "text/rtf", "pagecount": "1", "rating_id": "1", "rating_name": "Mature", "ratings": [ { "content_tag_id": "2", "name": "Nudity", "description": "Nonsexual nudity exposing breasts or genitals (must not show arousal)", "rating_id": "1" } ], "submission_type_id": "12", "type_name": "Writing - Document", "guest_block": "f", "friends_only": "f", "comments_count": "12", "views": "877" }