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of aspie spectrum, not rlly bad empathizing, just I'm too literally brute to some stuff and repetitive actions for some things. Also transNonBinary or something.\n\n2020 and 2021 has been really hard year to me, not answering so much my eternal nihilist stuff I spend years before, more like, having dreams and being physically limited bcs useless musclesxdd... And some triggers and a bit done of mentsl therapies, also lsck of human presence in general, this cold indiferent everywhere, I could be exaggerating, but also I have a syndrome it's damn rare big forehead... And lipodisthrophic areas probably(?)...... I think I can exaggerate a bit. Lol. Although I always hated complaining  ಥ_ಥ \n\n\n\nThat or ... I am this kind of OCD, anxious and tremendously emotional (but I'm trying to discover if it's a response from external, being XX month periods, randomly or all together) I left many pills and it's a bit chaotic but some moments walking outside avoiding ppl, enjoying green areas, singing and a lot of oat last months have calmed me in a way I can keep kinda awkwardly my sanity, lmao.\n\nI'm not just begging food or having cold nights but yes I am pretty in this state parasitarian and always this sux feeling abt \"dont go alone\" \"not Here\" \"dont do this\" \"dont to that\" \n\n\nI don't want to say relationships with my family are bad. They're... Even good?\n\n\n\nThey haven't been rude. Except for external closer ppl in my past. It's just, in gentle ways with some of family I feel useless and often, not able to pay for some kind of things like new headphones, maybe massages -but therapeutical ones, about my back or arms, this is damn chronic) or some dessert sometimes. But dessert is not so important to me... I'm not a person of great ambitions related to lot of money and pure consumism.\n\n\nI hope to learn many things in the future about how building stuff, how creating, how to improve social connections, my sin and probably hardest thing to do, and not for marketing. Sadly I need a ton of love and real human appreciation but I have to do a ton fixing my habits (I passed through some of it since last year) working a lot, trying a business as soon as I can, working, dedicating, dedicating, and that's a good skill I have...\n\n\nI spent years drawing with left too. And these ones are drawn with opossite hand. I hope to improve too, but that's part of reason it's cheap... Difficult to me to go further with left xd.\n\nThanks for reading.\n\n","description_bbcode_parsed":"<span style='word-wrap: break-word;'>Short long story:<br /><br /><br />12 years standing a guy it was tremendously negligent and I was stupid I guess, no noticing no matter what I tried literal stuff and gentle petitions, it was always the same &quot;I don&#039;t care stuff&quot;<br /><br /><br />Recently I have strong suspicious I&#039;m kinda of aspie spectrum, not rlly bad empathizing, just I&#039;m too literally brute to some stuff and repetitive actions for some things. Also transNonBinary or something.<br /><br />2020 and 2021 has been really hard year to me, not answering so much my eternal nihilist stuff I spend years before, more like, having dreams and being physically limited bcs useless musclesxdd... And some triggers and a bit done of mentsl therapies, also lsck of human presence in general, this cold indiferent everywhere, I could be exaggerating, but also I have a syndrome it&#039;s damn rare big forehead... And lipodisthrophic areas probably(?)...... I think I can exaggerate a bit. Lol. Although I always hated complaining&nbsp;&nbsp;ಥ_ಥ <br /><br /><br /><br />That or ... I am this kind of OCD, anxious and tremendously emotional (but I&#039;m trying to discover if it&#039;s a response from external, being XX month periods, randomly or all together) I left many pills and it&#039;s a bit chaotic but some moments walking outside avoiding ppl, enjoying green areas, singing and a lot of oat last months have calmed me in a way I can keep kinda awkwardly my sanity, lmao.<br /><br />I&#039;m not just begging food or having cold nights but yes I am pretty in this state parasitarian and always this sux feeling abt &quot;dont go alone&quot; &quot;not Here&quot; &quot;dont do this&quot; &quot;dont to that&quot; <br /><br /><br />I don&#039;t want to say relationships with my family are bad. They&#039;re... Even good?<br /><br /><br /><br />They haven&#039;t been rude. Except for external closer ppl in my past. It&#039;s just, in gentle ways with some of family I feel useless and often, not able to pay for some kind of things like new headphones, maybe massages -but therapeutical ones, about my back or arms, this is damn chronic) or some dessert sometimes. But dessert is not so important to me... I&#039;m not a person of great ambitions related to lot of money and pure consumism.<br /><br /><br />I hope to learn many things in the future about how building stuff, how creating, how to improve social connections, my sin and probably hardest thing to do, and not for marketing. Sadly I need a ton of love and real human appreciation but I have to do a ton fixing my habits (I passed through some of it since last year) working a lot, trying a business as soon as I can, working, dedicating, dedicating, and that&#039;s a good skill I have...<br /><br /><br />I spent years drawing with left too. And these ones are drawn with opossite hand. I hope to improve too, but that&#039;s part of reason it&#039;s cheap... Difficult to me to go further with left xd.<br /><br />Thanks for reading.<br /><br /></span>","writing":"","writing_bbcode_parsed":"<span style='word-wrap: break-word;'></span>","pools_count":0,"title":"Cheaper commisions from me ever.","deleted":"f","public":"t","mimetype":"image/png","pagecount":"2","rating_id":"0","rating_name":"General","ratings":[],"submission_type_id":"1","type_name":"Picture/Pinup","guest_block":"t","friends_only":"f","comments_count":"5","views":"107","latest_file_name":"3646007_SmusserD_fd84b127-f8a6-461a-938c-df5ea0d8f556.jpg","latest_mimetype":"image/jpeg","latest_file_url_full":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/full/3646/3646007_SmusserD_fd84b127-f8a6-461a-938c-df5ea0d8f556.jpg","latest_file_url_screen":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/screen/3646/3646007_SmusserD_fd84b127-f8a6-461a-938c-df5ea0d8f556.jpg","latest_file_url_preview":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/3646/3646007_SmusserD_fd84b127-f8a6-461a-938c-df5ea0d8f556.jpg","latest_thumbnail_url_huge_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/3646/3646007_SmusserD_fd84b127-f8a6-461a-938c-df5ea0d8f556.jpg","latest_thumbnail_url_large_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/large/3646/3646007_SmusserD_fd84b127-f8a6-461a-938c-df5ea0d8f556_noncustom.jpg","latest_thumbnail_url_medium_noncustom":"https://nl.ib.metapix.net/thumbnails/medium/3646/3646007_SmusserD_fd84b127-f8a6-461a-938c-df5ea0d8f556_noncustom.jpg","latest_thumb_medium_noncustom_x":"120","latest_thumb_medium_noncustom_y":"120","latest_thumb_large_noncustom_x":"200","latest_thumb_large_noncustom_y":"200","latest_thumb_huge_noncustom_x":"299","latest_thumb_huge_noncustom_y":"300"}