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"description_bbcode_parsed": ""Happy birthday idiot, I got you something."
"Jack? What are you? Why are you naked? Wait, why am -I- naked?"
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"What?"
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"Hard enough for what?"
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"My birthday present is you kidnapping and raping me?!"
"...Do you actually not consent? I can put pants on and leave."
"Okay no yeah I absolutely want this but I might have had a schedule or something."
"I checked. You didn't and you won't. Besides, I could TECHNICALLY fuck you anytime, that's not your whole present."
"What is it then?"
"Doing it with this new lube."
"That... doesn't sound like that big of a deal?"
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"What's it do, then?"
"Magnifies things."
"Like, sensations? Time you can last? What?"
"Yes, all of those. Now hold still while I slather it on."
"...So does the presence of lube mean you're up for anal finally?"
"Not until I'm at least two stories in."
"...stories?"
"Get on your back. I'm riding you for the first hundred."
"Hundred?!?"
=========2 hours later=========
"Oh god... can't stop..."
"Yeah that was a surprise. Hey, I've got an idea."
"Please... no more..."
"Why don't we just keep growing until this doubles as an XXXmas present."
"glauughl..."
"Incoherent gurgling counts as growthlust. It's in your contract."
"..."
"Glad you approve. Happy birthday again, sorry I couldn't think of anything more creative than a little extra topping~."
-----------------
Birthday Boy zeuspegasus
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