[big][b]Chapter #1[/b][/big]

... Why is it that what I love will just grow older, not being what I want to love in the first place?

.. But I don't want him to grow up.. I don't want him to grow older then what I wish him to be.. I just want him to be [i]that[/i] perfect age! His fluffy, cute young fox body at the perfect age of 9.. I just love that so much! So very much... What he is now is just a husk of his young self, working with police officers.. I just wish for him to be the scout he once was! Something I very much loved! One I held dear to me in this hard world one calls a world filled with hate, sorrow, and constant judgment!.. That young body, happy go lucky personality, and striving to do good in a world where you'll just be judged for in a blink of an eye.. It is not who I wished to love.. But I just cannot fithem why I love him like this!

I just want to love you, not lust for what I can't have, you're the one I wished never grew older.. Not that I choose this to be the case, I wish I could control how I loved you but you're just perfect being that 9 year old kit..

"Who knows? Maybe you might get what you wished for.. Maybe what you wish for is that kit once again? Maybe that cub could stay forever? Or, maybe? Something like me exists somewhere.. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, perhaps that beauty shall be in your heaven? Or maybe perhaps that heaven has been with you the whole entire time and you hadn't realized it?

One of these days, that wish will hold true?

You're heart is big, your heart is strong.. You would be a fool to believe that you cannot think that you have no ability to love something like me.. But.. That is fine! I am what you love, right? That scout you found over by that chair is me, but no worries about what you've done to me, I loved you during all of that.. You may have felt like a "monster" during all of that but you cannot change what you loved about me, and what you still love about me..

I know your mom hurt you, and your grandpa too but that doesn't change who you are.. You're an awesome dude! Don't let false hope bring you a frown! Don't let that control what you are inside!

You're a loving guy! And I love you for that.. 

I worry about you.. I worry that what you're doing is harming others.. They are young too.. But, they aren't like me. They aren't like me, they never will be like me people will hurt you but don't let that hurt control you...

I don't want to hurt you like how I've been hurt before.. You're pain ain't my pain.. My pain ain't like the pain I felt.. The pain I wish...

What are you imaging right now?"

Oh.. Nothing.. Just a birthday boy I found.. He is a happy little guy.. 

"As much you wish to not be attracted to me... You are! It is not like you choose to be attracted to me, nobody said you had to love me! Not even me! You can't love anyone more then yourself! So what they see you a a nasty guy?! You're amazing! Don't let anyone tell you what they think they know about you. Nobody knows you more then yourself! 

Yourself is just... Yourself.."

You make me feel like a kid when you're around...
"In his thoughts, thanking: No! You make me feel more then just a kid! You make me feel like like many things! Many things I want to do!"