Meow Needs An Intervention, Baby “Is everything alright Dandy?” QT chimed, “You seem a little off today.” Dandy sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Y’know, that cat is really starting to get on my last nerve.” “How so?” QT asked. Dandy gestured to a small pile of garbage in the corner. Soda cans and empty chip bags were stacked on top of an old pizza box. “I’ve never considered myself a particularly neat person, QT. But this ship used to be so much cleaner when it was just the two of us.” “It’s true” QT admitted, “Meow certainly is not the most hygienic alien we could’ve picked up…” “I thought I was fine with it when the mess was contained to his room, but lately it feels like I can’t take two steps without stepping on some of his junk. We need to talk to him.” Dandy said. “I think he’s in his room right now.” QT warned. Dandy shuddered, “Then prepare yourself QT. We’re going in.” ——————————- The smell hit Dandy the moment he opened the door. “Meow! What the hell are you keeping in here?! It smells like a jockstrap!” Dandy exclaimed. This was an understatement. The smell of the room was like a forcefield that caused Dandy to hesitate before pushing further into the mess. Dirty ramen bowls littered the floor. The corners of the room were stacked with take out boxes and greasy paper bags all the way to the ceiling. The floor surrounding the bed was obscured by a carpet of used tissues. Dandy prayed that Meow had been using them to blow his nose, but after spotting a porn mag in the pile, realized this was not the case. “I am so glad I do not have nostrils right now.” QT said. Meow was curled up on his bed watching something on his phone. He looked up for only a moment before returning to his screen, “Oh hey guys. What’s up?” “Meow” QT started, “We just have some concerns about your hygiene and- “ “You stink and you need to clean up your garbage.” Dandy interrupted. Meow scratched his balls lazily before eating a potato chip with the same hand. “I do not stink!” Meow said defensively, “This is just my natural musk! And I keep most of the garbage in my room, so what’s the problem?” “Meow when was the last time you took a shower?” Dandy asked. “I give myself a tongue bath everyday!” Meow said proudly. “That doesn’t count” Dandy said, “I mean a REAL shower.” Meow thought for a few moments. “Honestly… I can’t even remember.” “Gross” QT said. “Have you always lived like this?” Dandy asked, “What about when you still lived at home?” “Well no” Meow admitted, “My mom always cleaned my room and did my laundry and stuff for me when I was a kid.” “I guess that explains why he can’t take care of himself.” QT muttered. Meow stood up from his bed, “I don’t mind the mess though! I’m happy like this!” “Well I DO mind it” said Dandy, “You smell like shit and you leave a trail of garbage wherever you go. There are gonna be some changes around here, starting with you taking a real shower!” Before Meow could protest, Dandy had grabbed him. He quickly unclipped his green sarong, and tossed his clothes aside. Meow, now nude apart from his hat, stepped back and sized Dandy up. He refused to be washed without putting up a fight first! Dandy rushed in to grab Meow by his waist, but the feline put him in a headlock and sat back down on the bed. Meow shoved Dandy’s face into his stomach, and smothered him with his fur. Dandy’s yelling was muffled by the Betelgeusian’s belly as he tried to break free. The fur smelled like fish and Dandy could feel the crumbs from Meows potato chips sticking to his face. Dandy managed to pull away for a second, but Meow quickly grabbed his head again and this time stuffed it into his armpit. The smell of BO was overwhelming. Dandy’s eyes watered as he struggled against the cats grip. “Do you still think I stink, Dandy?” Meow grinned. “Yesh, itsh awful!” Dandy complained through the matted fur. Dandy dropped down and grabbed Meow by the legs. He twisted his body and managed to drag Meow onto the floor. He was pissed off now. “I thought we could talk about this like adults, Meow! But you’re really going to make me drag you into the shower?!” Dandy exclaimed. He pulled the howling feline out to the hallway and into the main room of the ship. “I’m not making you do anything!” Meow argued. He grabbed Dandy’s ankles to trip him, and sent him crashing to the ground. Before Dandy could react, Meow was on top of him. Meow sat his full weight down on Dandy’s chest, knocking the wind out of him. “Get up you fat ass cat!” Dandy gasped, “I can’t breath.” “That gives me an idea!” Meow grinned, “You should really stop insulting me, Dandy.” Meow lifted his rear and turned around to position his ass above Dandy’s face. “Don’t you dare.” Dandy said, before the feline dropped his fat ass down on his head. The world went dark as Dandy was completely buried under Meow’s butt. Meow had worked up quite a sweat from wrestling, so Dandy’s face glided easily between the cats chubby ass cheeks. He gagged as his nostrils were met with the distinct smell of swamp ass and wet fur. With a smug grin on his face, Meow wiggled his ass to push Dandy’s face even deeper between his cheeks. Dandy could feel the Betelgeusians sweaty balls resting on his chin. “How does it smell down there?” Meow laughed, “Is this hygienic enough for you?” On the tip of his nose, Dandy could feel the felines musky butthole flexing. “Meow, you mangy disgusting cat! I’ll kill you! Get off of me!” “First say I don’t stink!” Meow teased, “Tell me that it smells good!” “QT! Help me!” Dandy pleaded. QT pushed Meow away, and Dandy was able to breath again. “You guys are awful! Break it up already!” Dandy coughed and tried to wipe the ass sweat from his face using his shirt. “What the hell is wrong with you, you filthy cat? That was disgusting!” Dandy said. “Don’t tell me how to live my life then, asshole.” Meow said angrily. “Except your habits are affecting my life too!” Dandy exclaimed. “You know what, this isn’t worth it. Let’s compromise. If you clean up all your junk from around the ship and actually keep it in your room, I won’t bother you about showering.” Meow sighed, “Fine.” The two of them glared at each other as they went their separate ways. —————————————— Two weeks later, Dandy and QT once again sat in their chairs at the ship’s control deck. “Well, it seems like Meow has been staying true to his word!” QT said cheerfully, “Outside of his bedroom, the ship is pretty much spotless!” Dandy sniffed the air and frowned, “You’re right but… for some reason the ship smells even worse than it did before.” “Oh…” QT replied, “That might be because of Meow’s recent diet. He ordered this new trendy snack after seeing them in an ad. Star puffs, I think they were called?” “Star puffs…” Dandy said thoughtfully, “Never heard of ‘em.” “Meow has been eating them not stop for a few days now, but I think he might have an intolerance or something.” QT said, “They’re making him really gassy.” “They’ve been making him sick for DAYS and he hasn’t stopped eating them yet?” Dandy asked, “Why is he like this?” “Unfortunately, I don’t see him stopping unless you make him stop.” QT said solemnly. “You’re right” Dandy sighed, “But knowing Meow, this isn’t gonna be pretty.” ———————————— In the main room, Meow was sprawled out on the couch. In one arm, he clutched a tub that read “Star Puffs”. With his other hand, he held up his phone to take a selfie. “My followers will love this!” Meow said to himself, “These Star Puffs are all the rage right now!” As he scooped a handful of the puffs into his mouth, he took the picture. “They don’t taste too bad either!” he thought as he swallowed. Meow’s stomach gurgled. “Maybe I’m overdoing it a bit.” he thought, “but they’re so addicting!” He patted his stomach for a moment and- BBBUUOOOAAARRP -belched loudly. Meow chuckled to himself before shoveling another handful into his mouth. “Damn the smell is even worse in here.” Meow heard as Dandy walked into the room with QT right behind him. In response, Meow lifted a leg and released some more gas from his stomach. PPPFFFFRRRRTT Meow sat up to grin at Dandy over the back of the couch. “You’re not cute, cat.” Dandy said, annoyed. Meow rolled his eyes and flopped back down. “Meow, it’s clear that these snacks aren’t agreeing with you.” QT said, “Why do you keep eating them?” “I feel fine” Meow said dismissively, “I think they’re supposed to do this.” “Well even if it doesn’t bother you, the whole ship reeks of cat farts, and it’s not like we can open a window in deep space.” Dandy said, “Either you learn how to hold ‘em in, or the snacks will have to go.” Meow groaned, “Fiiiine, I can try.” ——————————- After an hour, Meow was already starting to struggle. Despite the growing pressure in his stomach, he had continued to eat the Star Puffs. “Meow!” Dandy called from the hallway, “A little help here?” “What now?” Meow sighed. Meow got up from the couch to find Dandy, bringing the tub of Star Puffs with him. He crop dusted a bit as he walked, but hoped it wouldn’t be noticeable. He found Dandy in the hall holding a short ladder against the wall. “Alright Meow” Dandy said, “I need you to climb up here and replace this light. I would do it myself but this ladder isn’t stable and I don’t trust you to hold it steady for me.” “Okay, seems easy enough.” Meow said distractedly while he rubbed his gut. He stuffed the Star Puffs under his arm and climbed the ladder. Dandy began to hand tools up to Meow, but noticed the tub of snacks under his arm. “Meow! You don’t need your snacks for this!” “Oh sorry.” Meow said. He tried to hand the tub down to Dandy, but in doing so slipped backwards off the ladder and landed with his butt planted on Dandy’s face. Dandy’s voice was muffled, “Meow! Get off!” Unfortunately for Dandy, the shock from the fall was too much for Meow’s stomach. PPPPPPBBBBRRRTTT Warm cat gas filled Dandy’s senses for a moment before the pair crashed to the ground. Dandy stood up, furious. “Gimme those snacks, now!” Dandy demanded. “Never!” Meow shouted, before sprinting down the hall with the tub of Star Puffs. Now that he was being chased, Meow wasn’t even trying to control his stomach. PPPPFFFFFTTT Meow’s asscheeks were warm from the constant stream of gas. PPPPBBBBBLLLLT He could feel his butthole vibrating tightly. Meow laughed like an idiot as he ran. In the main room, Dandy tackled him to the ground. They wrestled with the tub for a minute, until Meow decided to use his natural weapon. He grabbed Dandy by the pompadour and flipped on his stomach. Wrapping his legs around Dandy’s neck, he had him pinned with his face in Meow’s ass. Meow grinned evilly, and squeezed out every bit of gas left in his gut. PPPPPPPFFFFFFRRRBBBLLLLT “Phew, I was scared that one might be more than just gas for a second there.” Meow said, “How are you doing back there, Dandy?” Meow sat up and realized that Dandy had passed out cold. “Oh yikes” he said, “I may have taken it a little too far this time.” QT rolled into the room after hearing the commotion. “Once again” he said, “I cannot tell you how glad I am not to have nostrils.” QT picked up the tub of Star Puffs that Meow had dropped, “What’s in these things anyway?” Meow walked over to look. “Meow.” QT said, “These have been expired for years! No wonder they made you sick.” “Are you serious?” Meow said, “They tasted fine to me!” “You totally got scammed!” QT exclaimed. “I’ll still eat them.” Meow shrugged. “No way.” QT said, “I’m locking these up for your own safety.” The pair turned to look at Dandy, still unconscious on the floor. “He’ll be fine” they said.