# Ch.1: ACHTUNG!

This is a work of fiction, and all characters presented are fictional.
Any resemblance to real life characters or events is purely coincidental,
 and should be of greater concern than complaining to me.
This work looks best when viewed on a line printer, teletypewriter,
 or similar text device. (i.e. Use a mono font)

It was a dark and stormy night on some awful dump similar to London.
 Three fellows in raincoats could be seen entering
 one of those drab compounds that nobody knows what they're for.
 They were strapped with armour and bags, and probably unwelcome,
 if having the bloke with a pistol shoot the entry guard dead gave any *p's.
 The big lad in the group had some complaints,
 but they were in too much of a hurry to stop walking.

G: Dude! why did you do that!?
J: Did you really want me to sit down and explain to
 the guard how we were going to kill his staff?
Z: To be honest, I think we could have avoided
 acquiring everyone's notice until later.
J: Come on, I was using a silencer!
Z: They don't work like that.
J: Well, I didn't hear much!
G: Man, we're using electronic earmuffs.

They reached the door to the nearest building.
 The middle-sized chap began inspecting the lock while reaching for some tools,
 while the big lad pulled a rather old and affordable AR-15 from his bag,
 alongside some definitely not California-approved mags.

J: Well then, who paid for them!? Anyways, how's the lock?
Z: This seems like a really bulky yale lock... I'll need around 20 seconds.
G: Let's hope that the guards don't come while Zack's picking the door.

The big guy loaded his rifle.
 Meanwhile, the lad with the pistol pulled out
 a rather shortened 870 shotgun from one of the guy's bags.
 This wasn't the express rustoleum model, that one sucked.

J: They won't. Big names don't want to be annoyed on their big day,
 and at least these like to feel like them.
G: What about the guard you just killed?
J: He probably was there just to make sure
 that no one curious would come near the place.
G: Couldn't you have spared him then?
Z: I'm done.
J>Z: Hey, free shotgun!

A little while later,
 the people that were going around what seemed to be some normal office were
 suddenly startled by the sound of three fiends kicking open their back door.

J&Z: Everybody freeze!
J: You idiots have no clue of what you're doing, hand over your IDs or die!
Z: Ditto. We will also need the keys to the elevator.

Some random worker raised his hand.

G: Yes?
W: Uh, we have the keys,
 b-but we don't have the clearance for the lower floors.
 What do they have down there?
G: Stuff that would make men soil themselves.
 And you're wrong on that, we do have the "clearance".

The guy nudged the lad with the pistol.

J: Don't tell them!
G: Sorry.

After quickly confiscating the cards, and immobilizing all the workers
 while only increasing their body count to one and a half,
 the group went down the elevator.

J: Ok, remember. We kill them and then we ask.
 Take their keycards and don't shoot the computers.
G: I have a few, very small objections.
Z: I would too, If Jack wasn't so right about why we have to hurry.

The elevator arrived to its destination.
 The elevator opened to a room with a strong-looking door and a keycard reader.
 Zack pulled some thermite from one of his bags.

J: Wait, wait. Let's try the card first. I brought it for a reason.

Jack swiped a silver card on the reader, and the door unlocked.

J: Thank Cthulhu!
Z: They done goofed.
G: Let's go.

Behind the door, there was your typical server farm,
 except that the room had some terrific lighting,
 and a few scientists could be seen along some really mean guards.
They were all caught by surprise and promptly turned into mush.

J: I got to a terminal! Clear the place and get back to me!

A few extra scientists in hiding were culled.
Due to the sensitive nature of the servers,
 the guards were ill-equipped to deal with the group.
On the other hand, the trio was reasonably good.
Meanwhile, Jack got to working on the terminal.

G: How are you going?
J: Well enough,
 the golden keycards from these guys gave me access to pretty much everything.
 I should be able to get around the remaining stuff.
Z: Great! I also got some.
 They read on the back: 'King card: Create a country that serves YOU.'
 What?
J: Details schmetails, they very easily could do something like that with this,
 according to the README.
G: Can't you just smash the machine?
J: They've got hundreds of these installations,
 so losing one of them wouldn't be a big deal.
 I've got to find a way to trash all the servers at the same time.
 But first, let me back up all of that juicy blackmail files.

Jack pulled a tape drive and some LTO cartrigdes from his bag.
A while later...

J: Alright, I think that I can reformat all their drives from the network.
 That would delay them at least some.
 And this is some nuclear-grade intel we're getting!
 They have enough jigs here to build the twin towers a million times over!
Z: What do you mean?
J: Let me just open up a message from our world-beloved
 entrepreneur Kickerpupper Moneybags the third:

They read the PGP signed message.

Z: Whoah.
J: Indeed!
G: Do we really have the time for this after killing some random person?
J: Actually no, I got too excited, and now we may be running low on time.
 Not killing the employees really was a stretch.
G: ...
J: Anyways, I just have to keep doing the typing.
 You can pile the bodies on the door or something.
Z&G: Ugh.

While Jack was doing the magical typing, the door got blasted,
 splattering dead people all over and getting the group startled.

J: What the hell!? Don't let them stop me!

Zack and the guy tried to stop them,
 but they ended up overwhelmed.
Zack was currently taking cover behind one of the servers.

Z: Ack! I got shot! I hope you're finished, Jack!

Jack could be heard from afar.

J: MY PRECIOUS TAPES! DON'T DRAG ME AWAY I HAVEN'T FINISHEEED!

Z: *I think that's a no*
Z: Guy, are you there?

Silence.

A bottle of tear gas got thrown into Zack's direction, so he got moving,
 and in between tears found that his friends were being held next to the door.
 He gave and received shots, but managed to kill the last of the soldiers,
 although probably more would be coming.

G: Ughhh.
Z: It's good to know you're alive, Guy.
G: Not for long.
J: They might have used bitch calibers, but our body armor isn't foolproof.
 I'm afraid that we ran out of time.
Z: I know. I'm just happy that we got together one last time.
G: Ah, J&G: Me too.
G: One last bro hug?
J: Yeah.

While embracing each other,
 they felt as a wave of dark tar washed over them.
 Soon, they sank into the suffocating depths of the unknown.

# Ch.2: Night mode

It was dark, but with studio lights.
Guy awoke to a red figure. And some old man screaming at a demon.

J: WHAT THE FUCK?! YOU MOTHERFUCKERS HAVE STOLEN MY DESERVED REST!
 YOU SCUM ARE LESS THAN NOTHING! YOU SHOULD HAVE NO AUTHORITY HERE!

It looked like someone was mad. He was dressed in a black, hooded robe,
 with milky white hands and some inhuman-looking black nails.
 The only part of his face that could be seen were some red, glowing irises.
He didn't look much holier than the red beast he was complaining to.

D: Please calm down. The reincarnation process can be quite disorienting.
 You can find a debrief with all the details on the table behind you.
 I'm here to manage queries and provide support.

A few meters behind the old man there was a large mahogany table,
 with large stacks of papers on top.
Next to it woke up what appeared to be a thin Japanese bloke.
 He had some welding goggles on his head, a beige coverall,
 a leather apron completely stuffed with tools, and some work boots.

J>Z: AND WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?
Z: Uh, what? I'm Zack.
J: Huh!? If you're Zack, tell me your favorite color!
Z: Zinc silicate, sir.
J: My man! Why do you look like that?
Z: Wait. Are you Jack?
J: But of course! Do I have something weird on my face?
Z: I can't even see your face; you look really creepy.
J: And you look really weeby, what the hell!?

They both took a look at themselves.

J&Z: Oh.
G: I feel dutifully ignored.

A tall, tan man appeared, wearing only a loincloth.
 His defined muscles inspired awe; but his head,
 being a circle with a line and two dots, immediately took it away.

J: Oh, let me guess. You're Guy.
G: Yes!
Z: How did you know?
J: He looks like the definition of a meathead.
G: Really?
Z: Uh, yes.
J: Anyways, why did this happen exactly?
D: I can explain.
G: Go on.
J: What!? No! I don't want to hea-
D: You were subsumed into the new world.
 Since you are all KING+ users and were
 close together during the activation flood, you are sharing the same lobby.
 Your avatars were derived directly from your personality.
J: So I failed...
Z: I guess that does make sense.
G>J: Whoah man, I knew you were kinda twitchy,
 but I didn't know you were so toxic on the inside.
J: Wait, I can explain!
J>D: Filthy hellspawn, please look to the other side.
D: Ok.

The demon did as told. It really was a pushover.

J: Want to see my face?
Z: Yes. Your hood is really obscuring it.
J: Alright, please come closer everyone.

The group came closer together.
 The moment he pulled his hood, he seemed to shrink alongside his cloak,
 revealing a cute bunny boy with some huge red eyes.
 His voice also turned into that of a child.

J: See?
G: Oh, you're so cute!

Guy proceeded to heavily fondle his face.
 Jack really tried to hold back his embarrassment.

Z: So you really are a furry then. Not like I didn't know of course.
 How did you know this would happen?
J: Well, I do know myself after all.
G: You seem to have lost 70 years! Are you really like that in real life?
Z: Could you try remembering the previous fifteen minutes of your life?

Guy remembered the previous fifteen minutes of his life.

G: Oh yeah, I guess this is accurate.
J: Ok, I think that's enough. The README wasn't overly specific,
 so I still have some questions to ask to the demon.

Jack put his hood back on, and suddenly looked seventy years old.

J: Demon, Is our meeting private?
D: Yes.
J: How can I be sure of that?
D: The contributors were in constant squabbles,
 so they didn't want it for anyone to spy on them.
 Not even the DIVINITY users could look up this discussion.
J: And you will not tell them anything?
D: Correct. I'm a mere assistant demon, and bound only to the reincarnees.
 I will stop existing after this process is finished.
G: Hold on, KING+? DIVINITY? I had
 only heard about "Silver" and lower until recently.
D: It's normal for reincarnees to not know about the higher ranks.
 Due to conflicts in development,
 the different reincarnation levels do not follow a standard naming scheme.
Z: Wait, what about the pluses? And what do some cards have to do with this?
D: Reincarnation cards are fungible tokens
 that grant special privileges to their users.
 Having several of the same type will grant you "+" status.
G: Ohhh, so that's what they meant with "priviliged positions on a new world"
J: Yeah, The README said something about that.
Z: Where are we reincarnating to anyways?
J: Well, basicall-
D: You are reincarnating into Anti-terra,
 a realm composed of a 5 pointed continent
 where magic and mythical events occur every day.
 As KING+ users, you can decide where exactly you will be reborn,
 the makeup of your territory, your new bodies, your followers,
 and the laws of physics of your land, with few limitations. 
 Remember not to surpass your reincarnation budget.
J: That. Where's God?
D: The eight DIVINITY users have their own private realms,
 but they can manifest-
J: No. I mean THE OTG. Causality and all that.
D: Causality has been deprecated. It can be overridden by local mechanisms,
 like magic.
J: What!? How!? How do I destroy this realm!?
D: That information is only available to the DIVINITY users.
G: Whoah, hold your horses man. One thing at a time.
Z: Ditto. I think we should get this sorted out first.
J: Fine, I think it's time to sort through the bureaucracy.
 We can think about destroying the world once we have bodies.

The group got to the table. There were no chairs.

G: Can we get some chairs?

Three foldable chairs materialized into existence.

Z: Huh?
J: Oh yeah, I forgot to say-
D: All KING class users poss- J: SHUT UP!
J: We are probably inside some imaginary realm,
 so you can just conjure up things by thinking about them.
G: Oh, I know what would be handy right now. 

A cone of pineapple-flavoured ice cream appeared in Guy's hand.

J: I forgot that you had terrible taste.
 Anyways, we have to read and write up some
 documents if we want things to go smoothly.
G: Do you really want me to read these huge papers?
J: You can check on the lore, there seems to be lots of it. Somehow.
G: Nice.
Z: This is still a lot. Do we really have time for this?
J: We are technically dead right now, and nobody is waiting for us. So yes.

The group spent a lot of time reading and cutting corners with their bodies.
 They were seriously trying to find the most broken build possible,
 while at the same time avoiding looking conspicuous to the gods.
 It was a tall order, but they eventually came up with something.
 Satisfied, they presented the final draft to the demon.

Z: You know,
 I thought that they were only trying to control the world with computers,
 not making up a new one. We really underestimated them.
J: Me too.
G: But we still exist, somehow. Which means that they underestimated us more.
J: Aye. Now, to the count of three: One, two, three-
Z: Reincarnate us, demon!
J: YOU FU-

Reincarnating really didn't turn out to be a comfortable process.

# Interlude I: The victory party

Three centuries prior to next chapter...
There was a realm filled with stale, halogenic light.
 There, on that excessively white place,
 and eight-pointed table was surrounded by seven black silhouettes.

D1: *Tink tink* I would like to celebrate our great success.
D7: Gentlemen!
D6: Grrr...
D7: And token lady! We have won!

There was some applause.

D4: I find this place to be very great, but I still have some concerns.
D2: Some man wants to ruin the mood, it seems.
D4: This is serious. Third, could you explain?
D3: Our plan reached fruition, but there were some opposers.
D6: There always were. What do I care?
D3: This time they were of the more "physical" kind.
D2: Could you get to the point, please?
D3: Of course. There were rumours of a violent trio
 from the Wildlands attacking key actors and places.
D6: What an absurd notion!
 We scanned the Wildlands and never saw anything past savages with campfires.
 You're telling me they threatened us with their mean faces?
D3: On the contrary. According to reports,
 these members were highly trained
 and heavily armed with 3rd generation equipment.
D2: That's absurd. D6: Hahaha, ridiculous! D7: Impossible!
D1: *Tink tink* Ladies, gentlemen, please calm down.
D5: I get that some will always get preserved,
 but you can't even find images of it these days.
 Either there is some industrial power that has been hiding from us,
 or an inordinate amount of harmful equipment somehow survived.
D4>5: You know that you can change your body, right?
 You could stop sounding like a hundred-year old if you wanted.
D3: The reports aren't very reliable,
 but that would certainly have been an explanation for some recent attacks.
 Moreover, we received reports of a surveillance humanoid on a
 main facility being dismantled 15 minutes before it turned on.
 Several squads were sent, but the results were unknown.
D7: Unknown? what do you mean by unknown?
D3: We received no squad information about any threats.
 That can either mean they were killed in action or lost their cards.
D2: Everyone relax. Even if a heavily armed hit squad entered the place,
 they would have been unable to enter the server room
 except for some very rare high clearance card,
 or truly implausible amounts of explosives.
 Moreover, the fact that this place even
 exists is proof that they couldn't do anything.
D4: Maybe you're right. I should just go back to enjoying the new lands.
D3: I think that even if there's a small possibility of the rumors being true,
 we should follow through.
D7: Well, looking for such fools in this world shouldn't be that difficult,
 in case that they didn't just get recivilized
 or go back to their barren lands.
D6: Come on, we're deities! What could three hobos do against us?

Somewhere, the three alluded felt really underestimated.

D3: They seemed pretty capable of infiltrating the place.
 What if they just escaped our world? Maybe they could attack our servers.
D2: It seems like you didn't read the specifications very well.
 The servers don't exist anymore.
 Even if they survived the Mindwipe rays by using some imaginary 6th,
 or anti4th+ gen technology, they would be striking at air.
D3: Huh?
D7: You really only provided the money, huh.
D5: This place isn't so much an app on a
 computer but rather an alternate dimension.
 The reactors on the network should last next to an eternity.
D7: Even if we ran out of energy,
 we could always go back for more.
D3: Oh, so we're pretty safe then.
D2: Of course.

They had no idea of what was coming.

# Ch.4: How not to create a world

The trio felt like they were thrown into a blender for a few seconds.
 It didn't feel as painful a one would expect,
 but it was really disorienting all the same.
 After that, they were all alone.

G: Ugh, what just happened?
Z: I can't see anything! What are you doing in my head?
J: What are you doing in MY head? Oh wait.
J: Hold on a second...

Jack lit a match. He could be seen in his fluffy, cute form.

Z: What? we are in the same place?
J: I don't think so. The demon is gone.
G: Oh I know, this must be one of those "Imaginary rooms".

A can of club soda appeared in Guy's hand. He opened it up and drank it.

G: Mmm... This doesn't feel really substantial.
 It's tasteless even for water.
Z: What are we doing here then? We specifically chose our new body.
J: I think that we were in our body a moment ago,
 but this room was created when I imagined it.
G: Man, this is really confusing, and I'm getting hungry.
Z: Me too. If I remember right,
 we will starve to death if we don't eat anything within five minutes.
G: Huh?! Why did you choose something like that?!
J: Well, it did save us some resources.
G: And why would that matter if we die within 5 minutes?!
J: Relax. All we need to do is acquire some biomass.
 That should be easy inside a forest.
G: Well ok, how do we do that?
Z: Our body can digest pretty much anything,
 so we would just need to spread out some roots, like a fungus.
G: And how exactly do we do that?
 I don't have much experience being anything other than human.
J: I think that we should leave this room and go back to our body first.

Jack turned off his match. It has all darkness again.

Z: This is really confusing.
G: Hey! who invited you into my mind?
Z: I think that we are sharing the same brain.
G: Oh, ok.
J: Enough. I think it's time to acquire some food. Can you feel our body?
G: Probably. Are we just some large puddle of flesh?
Z: I think that is more or less correct.
J: Alright. Our body is capable of shapeshifting,
 so I want you to imagine roots coming down and through the sides of your body.
Z: Where is down anyways? Oh, I think I've got it.
G: I'm facing more resistance to this side, so I guess that's the floor.
J: I think that we are really spreading some roots somewhere,
 so now we should just make the digestive juices flow...

They immediately felt less hungry.

G: What a relief! We're totally naturals at this!
Z: I think that is the point. We should try to get a look at our body.
J: Oh I know! Let's just make an eyeball!

A small tendril grew out from the body. On its tip an eyeball started forming.

From the eyeball, what appeared to be
 a huge ocean of turquoise liquid could be seen.
 Above it, there was a blue sky with seven small suns, and a larger one.
 On the horizon, large mountains could be seen to all sides.

G: So this is our body?
J: Yep. Now let's go back to the drawing board.

Jack turned on a light switch. They were back on the dark realm,
 but with studio lights.

J: Let's recapitulate so that we can better plan our next move.
 Right now,
 we are a huge lake of living slime somewhere within the fifth continent.
 All we know is that this continent is of quintessence,
 that it is an archipelago with terrible weather,
 and that it is very dangerous, so it was cheaper.
 We don't know much other than that there
 probably are many more kingdoms ruled by jackasses.
Z: Hold on. Let's just check the map.

A map appeared on Zack's hands.
 On it, a continent in the shape of an inverse pentagram could be seen.
 Jack budged in.

J: Wait, that worked? Let me see.

Several country borders were visible.
 On the archipelago, a large island with a big lake could be seen.
 It was labeled as "Your kingdom." The south side pointed up on the map.

G: So we're really far from the mainland, huh.
J: Wait Zack, this is really silly from you.
 You are holding the map upside down! Everybody knows that north is up,
 and that the point goes at the top, not the bottom!

Jack took and flipped the map. To his bewilderment, the continents didn't flip,
 and south was still up.

J: W-what?

Jack continued trying to flip the map.

Z: I think that's one of the "basic items", you cannot change-
J: AAHHHHH! MOTHERFUCKERS!

Jack tore the map to pieces. Zack summoned another map.

G: Uh, Jack?
J: I'm fine... I just don't want to see that piece of paper right now.

Jack wanted to save his energy;
 there would be many more frustrations to come.

J: Anyways, I think that our first step should be scanning the terrain,
 and then figuring out how to have all the other king slai-
G: Hold on! According to the lore, the gods are always watching,
 and I don't think that was some metaphor.
 If we go around mincing people we will get turned into dust!
J: Did you really read all of those lore books? (RN)Gesus...
Z: I think that we should try to figure
 out a way to avoid their divine sight.
 Apparently, kings have some sort of extra privacy
 at doing things when compared to the average person.
J: How exactly?
Z: I do not remember the exact information. Give me a second.

Zack put the map on his pocket and summoned a document,
 then put on his goggles.

Z: Oh, wait.

Zack took off his goggles. Now he could actually see what he was doing.

Z: 'For KING and KING+ users, the target of a spell may not be evident,
 even to superior classes. DIVINE OVERSIGHT still applies.'
J: Oh I get it. So we can do that magic nonsense but the go... The guh.. The-
G: You mean gods-
J: Deceivers, Heathens, Devils.
 The deceivers can still look at the material effects of a spell.
G: Isn't the point of magic to affect reality? That doesn't seem very useful.
J: Well maybe... Wait. What if we use mind control?

Zack checked the document again.

Z: I think that is and option.
J: That's great!
J: ...
J: By the way, how do you summon information?
 There are some things I want to check.
Z: Oh, it is very simple.
 There is a list of special items and data you can fetch into the mind realm.

Zack summoned a document onto Jack's hands.

J: You know? I think it would be better if you
 just summoned the whole collection of documents right now.
Z: If you say so...

A stack of documents the size of your average McMansion fell onto Jack's head.
 Fortunately, death didn't work the same way inside the mind realm.

G: Hahaha! You sure got him!

Jack emerged from within the papers. With an M2HB.

J: YOU MOTHERFUCKERS DARE LAUGH AT ME?!
 LET'S SEE YOU LAUGH WHEN I REMOVE YOUR TEETH!

His friends soon experienced that first hand.

# Ch.5: Inhuman by design

Zack and Guy were currently regenerating their forms for the umpteenth time.
 As it turns out, getting shot was painful,
 but not as much as one would imagine;
 it felt more like getting hit with foam darts.
It seemed like Jack had finally calmed down.
 Or ran out of ammo. He got bored of shooting his friends either ways.

G: Ow dude! Can't you take a joke? You're lucky that the lore books said-
J: Pffft. Of course I already knew that.
 We aren't stupid enough to kill each other after all...
J: Right?

*Uncomfortable silence ensues*

Z: Um, I think that we should get to planning our next move.
J: Right! So we know that we can use mind control on an unwitting subject,
 but we are yet to find one.
G: I don't like the idea of using some poor guy as a meat puppet.
J: Alright, fine.
 What if we make to handle them carefully until we find a very evil fool?
G: Well, I guess it's OK if they don't get hurt.
Z: This all sounds well,
 but we should figure out how to find and possess a subject first.
J: Pffft. I'll let you know I'm a master magician.
G: What?
Z: If that is true,
 couldn't you have summoned a meteorite into all
 of the world's servers and saved us the trouble?
G: Wait, can you pull rabbits out of hats? Can you pull yourself out of a hat?
J: No! That's not what true magic is about!
Z&G: What is it then?
J: Magic is all about mind games.
 Making people believe in fake things and all that.
J: When you lie, a spell is cast. And the greatest lie cast upon mankind,
 eating at its soul since the dawn of time is...
G: Ok ok, I get it. Yer a wizard, Harry.
 I have heard the last part a million times already.
Z: I like it, it is like a group motto.
G: Put that on a flag and they'll burn the entire city.
G: Anyways, why didn't you tell us this great fact of yours before?
J: Well, I don't need to lie to you,
 and back then I didn't have the paraphernalia,
 but in this world it should equal amazing powers.
Z: How are you so sure of that? Oh wait.

Zack remembered reading a passage similar
 to Jack's monologue on the list of specifications.

G: So the magic issue is solved then...
 I think that we should get a better look at our surroundings.
J: Oh, do that yourself, would you?

Jack took a few steps backwards, summoned an RPG, and blew him to bits.
 There were more subtle methods of kicking a person from the mind realm,
 but he was that kind of guy.

Z: Uh, is he fine?
J: Yes, he should be scanning the place if he knows what's good for him.
J: By the way, I will need you to start extracting
 resources and making gear for our future puppet. Maybe puppets?
Z: Hmm, first I should figure out how to use this slime,
 and then acquire some plans...
Z: I think that I can get some results within an eight hour-

Jack fired another thermobaric missile at Zack.

J: That's great to hear! Anyways...
J: *Thinking* Getting our thoughts mixed up in the is really annoying.
J: *Big hmm* I think the documents said something about mental spells.
J: *Still thinking* I guess that will be my first spell then.

Jack summoned a couch and got to thinking.
 In this case, the only thing required was a statement,
 but poorly defined efforts would have poorly defined results.

A while later...

Zack was currently trying to figure out how to make gear.
He had set roots deep below the earth,
 and used bile to dissolve the minerals.
Slime digestive juices were a scary thing indeed.
By looking at the files he had gotten from Anti-Terra,
 plus some creativity, he had already created decent equipment.
He had amassed a large amount of simple gear from assorted times:
 Halberds, swords, plate armor, compasses and the like.
He had even made some wackier stuff: A blimp, a buggy, an entire castle,
 a diesel boat and and a helicopter carrier.
Jack didn't really specify what he meant by gear,
 and considering how paranoid he was, he would probably thank him.
With such overpowered biology,
 making so many artifacts turned out to be an easy task,
 but there were some problems at hand.
While things like ICEs were not functioning at their fullest,
 anything past analog electronics would just refuse to run.
Just to check for something funny in the circuits,
 Zack made a huge eye alongside some microscope and took a peek.
What he saw was pure noise,
 like his precious circuits had been replaced with quantum foam.
Being more attracted to gate logic that women, it deeply offended him.
It felt even worse than reading Jack's treatises for the first time.
It was unnatural. A lie. Without underlying layers,
 there was no reason for anything to work at all.
Such a statement was something reality didn't want to hear.
Something cracked, and Zack could start seeing his circuits.
Now the machine couldn't stop him from making machines.

Meanwhile, Guy was checking the place on which they had appeared.
They had set their first roots haphazardly,
 and had left the nearest five-hundred metres
 so drained of life they had turned into sand.
Their body turned out to be some lake around the size of a country:
 About Luxembourg, that is.
And it's not like they were exactly puddle deep,
 more like 12 kilometres, discounting Zack's roots.
With such a body, it was a miracle that the island had not been consumed.
If they fed on geological heat, that would better explain their caloric intake.
 He should probably ask J&Z on that.
Guy could also feel a sphere around 10 kilometres in diameter.
 He had no idea why he could estimate distances so well.
The sphere was deep in their body, and remembering what he read on slimes,
 that was probably their core, which made him feel BIG BRAINED,
 even though he definitely wasn't that much smarter.
After properly inspecting his body, Guy further examined his surroundings.
The island was around four times the lake's diameter, and wildlife was bizarre.
Many trees were the size of giant sequoias, the bushes were the size of trees,
 and fungi the size of bushes.
Some canids the size of bears could be seen running around the plains,
 and let's not get started on bears.
Texas, and even Alaska paled in comparison.
 But there were no mosquitoes. Phew.
There were a few large rivers, most of which flowed into the lake,
 and a white shoreline was visible across
 matching mountains taller than the Everest.
Guy was no scientist,
 but he was pretty sure that several elements of the island were biologically,
 and geologically impossible.

It didn't matter either ways.
 Jack, Zack and Guy had become the most powerful organism in the new world,
 and their adversaries would be in for one made of pain.

# Ch.6: Outsight, insight

A few hours had passed, and the suns were starting to set.
 By which I mean it was past midday.
Fortunately enough, daylight hours weren't so far off from those on earth.
Jack had called his friends into a meeting room so they could discuss info.

J: So, what did we learn today?
G: Man, you sound like you're talking to children.
J: AND?!
Z: Um, today I learned that this world is very fake.
J: Can you say something we didn't already know?
Z: Reality prevented me from making complex machines,
 but complaining about it somehow forced things to follow the laws of physics.
G: It seems like a little bit of muscle always does the job, innit?
J: That could come in really handy. Can you explain what you did?
Z: I just thought how things did not make any sense,
 and things suddenly started making sense.
J: That's great! We could really use this to cheat the system.
Z: It is nothing, you guys are also great.
G: Well, I guess there's no need to praise each other-
J: NO! Praise me more!
G: Alright...
G: Jack. Even though you're kinda crazy, you make really good plans.

Jack blushed a little.

G: And you may look aggressive, but we all know you're soft on the inside.

Guy ruffled his hair.
The compliments were too much for Jack,
 and he was paralyzed in blissful stupor.

J: Ahh...
G: *Ahem*. I checked out the island.
Z: And?
G: We're a massive lake of slime on an island with temperate climate.
Z: How massive?
G: Our body should weigh around... Hold on, let me do the math.

Guy summoned a clipboard with some paper and a pen.

G: ...A one with thirteen zeroes. Metric tons.
Z: So ten trillion tonnes? Are you sure about that?
G: Well, I added the volume. We're made out of water, right?
Z: No. More like diamond.
G: Oh. Dunno then. We're also surrounded by sand, some floodplains,
 forests, and mountains. Everything is over-the-top huge.
Z: Correct.
 I think it said somewhere that this archipelago had huge monsters.
 Anything else?
G: Well, being able to guess distances so well is kinda strange.
Z: It happened to me too. It must be one of those weird choices Jack picked.
 It is very useful so I cannot complain.

Jack, who was begining to recover, was once again knocked out.

G: Alright. I think that it's Jack's turn. 
G>J: JACK! WAKE UP! I NEED YOU TO MAKE MORE PLANS!

Guy started slapping Jack. Still, he wouldn't come back.

Z: Wait, I think that I know how to wake him up.
Z>J: Jack! Some S/M folk asked about-
J: AHHHHH! DON'T ANSWER! KILL HIM IMMEDIATELY HE IS A WASTE OF AIR A FILTHY-
J: Oh. I guess I got distracted.
G: Do you want me to explain again?
J: No, I heard what you said.
J: By the way, I was the one who made it so our thoughts wouldn't get mixed.
Z&G: Nice.
J: Aaanyways. I don't think that there's a lot of people on this island-
G: None at all, actually.
J: I already knew that!
J: Do we have a ship, Zack?
Z: A few. I did not build more because I do not know if the shore is safe.
G: I don't think that we could get on a-
J: SHUT. UP. Now, could you take a peek over the mountains? Make it discreet.

A while later, few eyeballs the size of houses popped in-between the mountains.
The coast was protected by comparatively modest mountains further away.
 Although the gaps in-between would leave large fleets with plenty of space.
Going even further, there where a bunch of mostly uninhabited islands.
Even beyond to the north, ocean and nothing else.
The main continent was towards the south,
 where a five thousand kilometre tower sat in the centre.
There were some realms peppered all over the place,
 with had wildly varying architectural choices and technology levels.
A few strongholds defied all laws of geometry and physics,
 while others made of steel floated above wooden buildings.
By they also took the time to determine some local bigwigs,
 by looking at the coins fresh from minting.
Some people felt extremely uneasy while having an eldritch
 being beyond their comprehension stare directly at their souls,
 while others weren't scared at all.
Some man dressed in funny robes stared back at them, but didn't seem to care.
 They noted not to spy on important-looking people.
Everything else was obscured by the planet's curvature.

J: Alright, there seem to be fancy edifices just about everywhere,
 and we know what that means...
Z: Royalty?
J: Yes! Now, I'D LIKE TO SEE THEIR FACES WHILE I SKIN THEM ALIVE...
G: Whoah, whoah. You said it yourself, we can't just come in guns blazing.
J: Ah, I forgot. I guess we should first do some espionage.
J: Are there any person-sized animals on this island?
G: Yeah! Some foxes are about the size of a person.
G: ...Wait, What do you-

Guy didn't need to ask.
 Jack had already pulled some poor foxes into their body.

J: You know how ships require a crew, right?
Z: Well, yes. But they are designed for humans. I could however...
J: No need. Here we have an easier option for remodeling.
G: Ugh. I really don't want to look at this.
J: Well, you're the one who knows the most about anatomy.
G: Goddammit Jack! Can you at least anesthetize them?
J: Dunno. Zack?
Z: I am not a veterinary. Will morphine work on giant canids? Oh, wait.

A big, fat book fell on Jack's head. It was about veterinary medicine.

J: Hey! What the hell!?
Z: Sorry for that. The dosages for animals should be here.
 That I should be able to extrapolate.
J: Fine. Are you happy now, Guy?
G: Yes. What should I do know?
J: Basically, we're turning this creatures into slaves,
 so I want you to anthropomorphize them.
G: What?
J: Make them human-shaped. Don't sweat the details,
 they should just be able to move around in two legs and handle stuff.
G: But what about their brains?
J: I will handle things to make sure that they aren't as dumb as you.
 Now, get moving!
G: Whatever, man...

For the foxes, the recent events must have been disconcerting.
The deadly ocean that had stood still for as long as they had existed
 had just killed its nearby surroundings, and making myriad items.
Upon looking at them, it had grabbed them and subsumed them into its body,
 instead of normally dissolving, they were still alive,
 with their lungs full of viscous slime as thick as lava, but unable to drown.
 For even more stress, thew were pierced with many needles,
 but didn't feel pain, and soon fell unconscious.

They awoke in a dark room.
 It was a turquoise hemisphere with a single dim light on its top.
 A very large black sphere could be
 seen below through its semitransparent walls.
The six foxes had changed. They did no longer thought like animals,
 or at least not more than an S/M folk.

# Ch.7: An irresistible job offer

Where was I writing...
 Oh yeah,
 our three exterminators just transmuted some poor foxes into people.
 Why foxes? You might ask.
 Because they're cute, duh.

 Anyways, they're waking up now.

...

F1: Huh?

Voices could be heard from within the walls.

J: Oh, he woke up!
G: Now, don't scare him.
Z: I'm amazed that this worked.
F2: *groan* Who's there?
J: YOUR MASTERS. LOL.
G: I said, "don't scare them".
Z: It is true though.
F2: I don't understand...
F3: Wait, who are you? Who am I? I can't see anything!
J: It's because your eyelids are closed, silly.
Z: It seems like everyone else is playing dead.
J: Oh, I know, let's shake things up...
F4: Wait, I'm up, I'm up! Please don't eat me!
J: Someone actually listened! This is a good day...
J: For me, that is.

A small shock was sent through the floor.

F2-3: Ow! F4: AHH! F5: Fuck!

G: The last one isn't waking up.
J: Oh, I know!
G: Stop.
Z: Well, its heart seems to be beating, so it shouldn't be dead, yet.
G: Let me just attempt a resuscitation, ok?

A tendril wrapped the last fox's body.

F4: Wait, please don't eat her!
J: Are you stupid? Perhaps I did make you dumb...

The tendril probed around for a while,
 and then performed the Heimlich maneuver,
 which made the Fox-person-thing vomit out a large amount of watery slime.
As it appears, some of it had gotten stuck on her lungs and stomach,
  and it landed on F4's face.

F4: AH! EW EW EW!
F6: Hey, stop screaming. You're so noisy. Geez...
J: Alright, everyone seems to be alive, which is better than expected.
Z: Ditto.

The tendril dropped the fox-humanoid-girl-thing
 and the room fully illuminated.
Everyone else was already standing up.

F6: Ow.

Z: Hello servants.
G: I think that's too harsh. Can't you call them contributors? Or friends?
J: Peasants, tools, lab experiments.
G: You're doing it on purpose, aren't you?
Z: Uh, if you have any doubts, you can raise your hands.

Everyone but F4 and F5 raised their hands. F4 was to busy trembling,
 and F5 had his arms crossed, because he was too much of a man for that,
 or something.

J: Ok, let's start!

A tendril came from the ceiling and pointed towards F1.

F1: Hmm... Where are we?
Z: Near our core. Several kilometres below the surface.
 It is the dark sphere below you.
J: Next!

The tendril pointed towards F2.

F2: So, what do you mean by "masters"?
J: We created you, we own you.
F2: No, I mean, what do you want?
J: For you to serve us.
F2: Awww...
F5: As if!
J: Sit.

F5 sat down.

F5: Goddammit!
J: Wag your tail.

F5 wagged his tail.

F5: Fuck! You got me! Please stop!
J: Roll over.

F5 rolled over.

F5: AHHH! I SURRENDER! I WON'T COMPLAIN ANYMORE! HAVE MERCY!
J: Next!
F5: Phew.
F3: What are we exactly?
G: Our dearest creatures, you are fox-people.
J: We basically fetched human souls and stuffed them into your bodies.
 Be thankful.
Z: That and some anatomical modifications. Now you can eat onions.
F3: Onions?
J: Next!

The tendril nudged F4.

F4: Ah! S-so what are y-you? W-why haven't you eaten us?
J: Because you wouldn't be able to work for us if we ate you.
 And I don't like animals raw.
Z: We are an ocean of sentient slime with three souls.
 We are also royalty.
G: Our names are-
J: NO! They could be listening!
F3: Who?
J: Just call us A, B, And C. I'm A.
Z&G: And I'm B.
J: Goddammit! Come closer for a second.

The foxes heard some whispering.

Z: Ok, I'm B.
G: And I'm C.
J: Alright, now you know we won't eat you. Are you happy now?
F4: Y-yes. You're not going to make us do anything dangerous r-right?
J: Next!

The tendril pointed towards F6.

F5: You skipped me over!
F6: Can I have a cookie?
G: Yes!

A cookie materialized within the wall, and another tentacle gave it to her.
F3: can we have a cookie too?

Everyone was given chocolate chip cookies except F5.

F5: Aw, come on! What do you want me to do!?
J: Work.
F5: But she hasn't worked at all! And neither him! Nor him!
F5: And I don't know their names! Do I even have a name!?
J: Oh yeah, about that...
J: Z- I mean B, could you help me out with this?
Z: No problem.

A few flipping pages could be heard.
They also sensed some mumbling.

F1: Do you have an office in there?
J: Oh, I forgot!

Some tendrils erupted from the walls and pierced their skulls.
They reappeared inside a black void.

F4: AHHH! AHHH!
F6: Ow, my ears.
F4: I-I'm alive?
J: YES, YOU NONCE.

There were three strange men, sat behind a mahogany table.
One was very muscular and tall.
The other looked rather young and distracted,
while one that spoke wore a robe and sounded very old.

F2: And you are?
J: A, B, and C. This is our mind realm.
F5: You're A? You sounded like a child back there.
J: ROLL OVER.

F5 Rolled over.

F5: IT WAS A COMPLIMENT! I SWEAR!
J: THIS ROOM IS IMPERVIOUS TO ALL KINDS OF SPYING.
 HERE WE WILL GRANT YOU YOUR NAMES.
Z: From first to last to wake up by the way.

Guy started pointing at them while reading from a list.

G: Faber, Fifi, Filbert, Finn, Frank and Freya.
F1: So, why do all of our names start with an f?
J: BECAUSE YOU ARE FOXES.
F2: Ok, that's funny. :-) I think. ( O_O)
F3: Are we foxes, or people?
J: YOU ARE FOX-PEOPLE.
 YOUR KIND EXISTS BY THE BUCKETLOAD IN THE MAIN CONTINENT.
F6: Can I get some milk? That cookie was really dry.
G: Yes!

A glass of milk appeared on Freya's hand.

F6: Mmmm... I'm still thirsty. Can I get another?
Z: You don't have to ask...
J: THIS IS AN IMAGINARY REALM, YOUR PHYSICAL NEEDS CANNOT BE SATED HERE.
F5: Anyways, what do you need from us?
J: SIT DOWN.
F5: Oh no.

Six chairs appeared in front of the foxes.

F5: Oh, thank the gods.
J: DID YOU JUST SAY GODS!?
G: Wow, that's some rotten luck.

Frank was leashed to a fence pole and given a food bowl.

J: WE NEED YOU TO EXPLORE THE MAIN CONTINENT
 TO FIND CLUES ON HOW TO DEFEAT THE EIGHT DECEIVERS.
F1: Do you mean the eight gods?

The pole got another fox.

F4: NOOO I WANT TO LIVE! PLEASE JUST ASK ME TO SACRFICE MY KIN!
F6: So noisy...
J&Z&G: Agreed.

One more for the pole. This one with a gag.

Z: You will be given plenty of equipment to facilitate your survival.
G: You really don't have to worry. B makes really good gear.
Z: I made sure to add several manuals. You know how to read, right?
F2&F6: Uhhh...
J: WRITE YOUR NAMES, NOW.

They were given a pen and paper.

J: THESE TWO ARE SCRIBBLES,
 AND THIS OTHER ONE IS A LANGUAGE I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
 HOW THE FUCK DID YOU MANAGE TO DO THAT.
F3: I do not know how I know.
J: CAN YOU WRITE YOUR NAME IN FUCKING ENGLISH!?
F3: What is English?

They all got tied up.

J: CAN ANYONE READ AND WRITE IN THE LANGUAGE OF THIS LIST!?

Jack held up the list with the names. F1 nodded.

J: OK, AND HOW DO YOU CALL IT!?
F1: Demitongue, the language used for talking to seven of the eight go-

F1's face got a taste of .500 S&W Magnum. Fortunately, F4 couldn't scream,
and also it regenerated a few seconds later.

F2: W-what?
G: As it turns out, it's pretty hard to die in here.
J: SOON YOU WILL BE EXITING THIS PLACE.
 YOU MUST ENTER THE SHIP AND GO FOR THE MAIN CONTINENT.
 INVESTIGATE THE CENTER ZONE FIRST,
 AND DO NOT APPROACH THE CENTER TOWER,
 AS IT IS PROBABLY IMPORTANT FOR THE DECEIVERS.
 GATHER AS MUCH INFORMATION AS POSSIBLE ON THIS WORLD,
 AND DESTROY THE SHIT OUT OF OTHER ROYALTY.
 IF YOU FIND ANYONE RELATED TO THE DECEIVERS, REPORT TO US FIRST.
 DON'T TELL ANYONE OUR NAMES AND AVOID CAPTURE.
 NOW DISAPPEAR.
Z: And say cheese.

They all saw a camera flash, and awoke on the coastline.
A battle cruiser was waiting for them. 

# Ch.8: Dangerous seas

The foxes named after keys on my keyboard had entered the ship without a fuss.
Now they had to figure out how to use it.

F1: We're at the bridge.
F5: Yes, I noticed!
F3: Do you know how to pilot this ship?
F2: Well, I don't think I have seen anything like this.
F5: We were all animals until minutes ago! Do these morons expect us to-
J: Sit.
F5: AHHHH!
F6: Huh? Where did that come from?
J: We own you. That includes your thoughts.
F2: That's ominous.
Z: We can see what you see too.
G: You're just making it worse.
F6: If that's the case, can you help us pilot this ship?
G: Yes!
F6: ...

...

Z: There should be a manual on a shelf to your right.
F4: But we don't know how to read!
F3: That book seems to be around two hundred pages long.
J: You can't read but you can count!?
G>F3: Faber can, so that's nothing to worry about.
F1: Let's see...
F1: 'Battle cruiser manual'. 'Index: 1. Specifications. Page 2. 1.1 Rooms. Pa-'
J: Get to starting up the ship!
F1: ...'To start up the ship, insert the main engine keys.'

F4 grabbed the keys.

F4: W-Where?
J: In the keyslot!?
F5: He must be stupid. We all now how key-. Well, that key looks kinda weird.
J: IT'S. A FUCKING. DISC DETAINER KEY. 
F6: A what now?
J: You know what? I'm out.

*footsteps*
*door closing*

Z: There will be no more cookies until you figure out how to pilot this ship.
G: Sorry.
F6: Awww...

After fiddling with the controls for a while, the ship finally got moving.

F2: Yay!

*Door opening*
*Footsteps*

J: Alright, finally!
F6: Can I get a cookie now?
J: No. You have proven to be astoundingly unfit.
F6: Pretty please?
G: Oh, I can't say no to you.
J: *Grumble*

A tentacle appeared from a hole in a wall and gave her a cookie.

F4: Wait, YOU'RE IN THE SHIP!?
F3: How did you fit inside?
Z: Apparently... "A" put a mini copy of our body inside of the ship.
F5: Then why do you need for us to kill-?
J: Shhh!
Z: It's still the size of a swimming pool.
F2: Oh, Oh! Can I swim in it?
J: No! Z: Dunno. G: Yes!
F2: I... Think I'll pass. :-(
J>F5: Also, everyone seems to have an ID, and we can't fake that.
F5: What about us then!?
J: You'll manage. Now go south towards the main continent.
F4: Are y-you sure there are no dangerous monsters in the sea?
Z: We are sure there are. There's at least some the size of a galley.
G: Those poor sailors...
F4: C-can I leave?
J: No.
F4: ...
Z: This ship has better equipment than most.
 you can deploy some torpedoes if necessary.
F1: Don't those require three men to load?
J: AND YOU KNOW THAT!?
Z: I mean, it depends.
 We have automated loading so it doesn't matter either ways.
J>F3: You know what? Let me just check your brain for a sec.

F3 got knocked out.

F2: Is Filbert going to be fine?
Z: I don't know how "A" works with souls, so I don't know.
G: Me neither.
Z: Watch out for that reef!
F1: I got distracted. Sorry.

A few minutes passed.
Suddenly, a kraken got a hold of the ship.

F4: AHHH! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!
F6: It's fine, what could a little squid do?
F4: I DON'T THINK THAT SQUID IS LITTLE AT ALL!
Z: She is right. There is no way such a small squid could sink us.

A tentacle patted her head.

F6: (UwU)

Then the ship started sinking.

F5: Liar!
Z: This is what happens when your enemies don't obey physics.
F1: We have torpedoes.
G: Yes! Now fire them into the squid!
F2: And what button would do that?
F6: By the way, where's the bathroom?
F4: BY THE WAY, W-WHERE'S THE LIFEBOAT?
F5: BY THE WAY, I DON'T REMEMBER SIGNING UP FOR THIS.
G: One at a time, people!
Z: Please everyone but Faber step out of the controls.

A bunch of tentacles came from the walls and started handling the controls.

F5: And why didn't you do that on the first place!?
G: Because you're supposed to drive while we do other stuff?
F5: Like what, baking cookies?
F6: Hey! They are really good cookies!
J: Guys, I finished. Did I miss anything?
G: Nah man. We just got attacked by a kraken.
Z: I'm on it.
J: Good!
F3: Where am I? Who am I?
G: Is he fine?
F5: How long does he has to live, doc?
J: Go lick his face so he wakes up sooner.
F5: GODDAMMIT!
F3: Hahaha! That tickles! please stop!
F5: *mlem* Can't *mlem* stop. *mlem*
Z: Alright, launching torpedoes now.

The kraken may have been able to scam its
 way into pulling on a ship 5 times its size,
 but it couldn't argue with several hundred kilos of ONC.

F2: Begone, ugly squid!
Z: Please slow down the ship. We have to pick up the biomass.
F4: Wait, what?
J: It is standard strategy to resupply whenever possible.
 Also biomass is a pain in the ass to make from scratch, 
 so you'll have to choose between calamari and MREs.
F6: What about cookies?
G: Too many can be bad for your health.
Z: I am not synthetising that many cookies.
F3: What is an MRE?
J: Ok, I'll bite.
 Imagine if you had a meal, but it was only the main dish, snacks and dessert.
 Now imagine If the main dish was only junk food.
F3: What is junk food?
J: *Sigh*, Imagine if someone grabbed a bunch of flour and just added spices,
 until it tasted somewhat like food, then baked it until cooked.
J: You know what flour is, I checked.
J: Now imagine if someone dropped enough
 salt on it that even the rats wouldn't eat it,
 packed it tight in a bag, smashed it a bit,
 and then cooked the bag just to make sure sure it was inedible.
F3: Why would anyone do that?
J: Well, since even the rats won't touch it,
 you can keep it on a pile for years,
 and whatever ingredients it has won't kill
 you until at least a month of eating them.
G: You're exaggerating. The pizza flavor wasn't THAT bad.
 It even resembled pizza!
J: I have seen you eat hundred year old rations. You have no say on this.
Z: We all did that time.
J: But I didn't like it!
F2: Uhh, I think that I will have calamari.
F6: Me too.
J: Anyways, I found out that Filbert's brain is full of incoherent rubbish.
 It's a miracle that he can even form a single word.
 Now I want to compare it to someone who isn't a bumbling moron.
J: ...
J: Whatever, I'll just pick Frank.
F5: Wait, what!?

F5 was knocked out.

F4: D-Didn't he create our minds?
Z: Yes.
G: "B" can steer the ship. Does anyone want dinner?
F1-4&F6: Yes!

All the foxes were seated at the dinner table in the canteen.
 Including F5, who was still unconscious.
 They were given calamari alongside some seaweed salad,
 and vitamin fortified fruit juice.
 They even made sure that the food didn't contain any toxins. How nice!

G: So, could you guys dress up?
F6: Why? It's pretty comfortable in here.
G: Well, I'd rather not have to stare at your...
Z: Genitals.
F2: Awww! But I like being naked!
G: Alright, fine. I'll let it pass.
G: Weren't you piloting the ship, 'B'?
Z: I can listen on the conversations just fine.
G: Alright, alright. It's getting late isn't it?
F4: Yes, the sun was already setting when we departed.
Z: It is the equivalent of 10 o' clock.
F4: What!? How do you know!?
G: There are clocks everywhere on this ship. Look to the wall on the right.
F1: I didn't notice.
F4: You can read that circle!?
F1: Yes.
F5: Ah, fuck!
F2: He woke up!
F5: I feel like I had a hangover... Do you have some whisky?
F2: What now?
J: Hah! Now I'm not the one who has to answer!
Z: So what are the results? 
J: Everyone's got their brains fried. F5>F2: You see, whisky is this kind of
 booze that looks like sewage water but without the cloudiness,
 and tastes like roasted wood with a lot of alcohol.
F2: And why would you drink that?
F5: It makes you feel funny.
F2: That's it?
F5: All my friends seemed to like it.
F2: What friends?
F5: I... Don't know.
J: What a self-proving example!
 Since your minds are about as coherent as those of an S/M folk,
 We'll have to discuss what we know with each other.
F6: *yawn* Maybe tomorrow?
F4: Aren't foxes crepuscular?
G: I'm feeling kinda tired too, we can talk later.
J&Z: Me too.
F4: Wait, who's gonna pilot the ship?
J: Faber, pilot the ship while we're sleeping.
F5: I remember very explicitly you not moving
 an inch since I was born as a fox, until very recently.
J: How old are you anyways?
F5: Dunno.
Z: If we assume giant foxes develop the
 same way as normal ones we can assume...
J: Ow! Stop dropping books on my head.
Z: Sorry. Guy, could you do this? I am busy with the ship.
G: Well, I consider myself rather good at anatomy.

Some tentacles "probed" F5. It was mostly visual inspection, I swear!
F5 didn't feel very good about it anyways.

G: He should be around two and a half years old.
F5: Well, having you doze off for two years wouldn't be nice, now would it?
J: Bah! For all we know you could have spawned in from nothingness.
F5: No. I remember being a cub: the sun, the springs...
J: Have you thought that there's a set amount of springs in a year?
F5: No?

F5 was sprayed with a water atomizer.

J: Anyways. Faber, if we don't wake up by morning, swap places with Filbert.
 He's probably the second least dangerous at the helm.
 And continue your missions.
 If anything dangerous happens,
 poke our center of mass with a stick and pray it wakes us up.

F3: Where is your centre of mass?
J: GODDAMMIT!

After being shown their rooms, everyone but Faber went to sleep.
 Faber kept piloting the ship. He kind of liked having a new boss,
 even if it didn't make much sense to him.

# Ch.9: Casual reunion

Fortunately, or unfortunately for the foxes,
 our professional murderers only required 3 hours of sleep,
 and could soon relieve F1 of his duties.

G: Whoah! You almost crashed into that rock!
J: Go get some sleep Faber, we'll take over.
F1: Affirmative.
F1: I'm glad that you woke up, sirs.
J: Awww! The little fox likes to be owned? Go to the bunk before I spray you.
F1: Yes sir.

F1 left the bridge.

G>J: Why did you do that?
J: I don't want to babysit the idiots for all of eternity.
 They better don't get used to being ordered around,
 so I don't have to tell them to fucking breathe.
Z: You have a point.
G: Want some cookies?
J: WE DON'T HAVE TASTEBUDS! AND THE COOKIES COME FROM OUR BODY!
G: Is that a no?

The night was pretty uneventful.
 Most of the sea monsters were scared away by the massive torpedo blasts,
 while Zack took the time to replenish them by using materials from storage,
 and synthesising more ONC explosives.
Later, It has morning. F6 had fallen off her bed, but didn't seem to notice.

J: Wakey wakey! Time for breakfast!
F2: Even Faber? How much did he sleep?
J: Six hours.
F5: It ain't that bad.
F4: Five more minutes...

A tentacle blew an airhorn on F4's face.

F4: AH! I'M UP I'M UP!

All the foxes woke up and got off their beds.
 They didn't have to dress, so coming for breakfast took them even less.

F3: What's for breakfast?
Z: Rehydrated fruit and marshmallows.
F2: Wait, you're giving us candy?
J: No, marshmallow roots.
F2: What?

It's a plant. Look it up.

F6: This doesn't taste like marshmallows...
J: WRONG! This is what real marshmallows taste like.
 Whatever twisted image of a marshmallow you have is FALSE.
F4: So caustic...
F1: I find them rather sweet.
F5: You mean the plant, or...
J: Depending on the answer, Faber or

Hold on, let me look up their names.

J: Finn will get an airhorn to his face.
F3: Didn't Faber compliment you?
J: I DON'T NEED YOUR COMPLIMENTS!
F5: And Finn?
J: I DON'T NEED YOUR CRITICISM EITHER!
F5: What a jerk.
J: Hey, catch this frisbee.

A tentacle threw a frisbee across the room.

F5: DAMN IT ALL!
Z: We will have a meeting at the library.
 Faber can sleep some more if he wants to.
F1: I am fine, thank you.

F5 came back with the frisbee on his mouth.
 A tentacle took it off.

F5: Anyways, what are we going to do now?
J: What do you have your huge ears for?
F3: They say they are for refrigeration, but mine get a bit too cold.

F3 was ordered to clean up the table after everyone finished.
 After that, they went to the library and sat around a table.

G: Now, we're gonna discuss whatever we know.
F6: *Raises hand*
G: Yes, Freya?
F6: Can I go to the bathroom?
F2: Can I go too?
G: Anyone that wants to go to the bathroom can do so now.

A few minutes later...

G: Alright, are we ready?
F2: Yep!
J: Alright. Filbert, Frank,
 we know for a fact that your minds are completely scrambled.
 can you remember anything from before you were a fox?
F3: Let me think...
F5>J: No. That would be stupid.
J: Yet you remember drinking whisky. I also saw that you smoked cigars,
 but you don't have the voice or lungs for that.
F5: That. Hmmm, I kinda feel like I did that.
F3: Imagine a fox smoking.
F6: Haha.
F4: Isn't that what the cool kids did at school?
J: You went to school?
F4: Yes?
J: But you don't know how to read?
F4: I-is that something that they teach you at school?
J: Well... Not necessarily. You get a pass.
F4: Phew.
J: Do you remember anything, Filbert?
F3: I don't know what I know.
J: You useless dog.
F2: But we're foxes!
J: Go fetch me the newspaper. It's on that shelf behind you.

F2 brought the newspaper to the table. On her mouth.
It was an old NYT newspaper from Halloween, 1927.

Z: Isn't that too old?

I'm not paying for the scans.

J: No. Now, what images do you recognize?
F4: I don't think I have seen those continents.
J: "I don't think" isn't useful.
F1: It says 'Clocks' right there.
J: That isn't an image.
F2: That man is wearing a funny suit!
J: At least you know what is a man.
F5: Those are some cigarretes. I prefer cigars.
G: They will destroy your lungs either ways.
F5: If so, why is it on the news?
Z: So you did get your news from a central body.
J: This newspaper is ancient. Back then smoking was considered a miracle cure.
 Then they couldn't keep pretending it wasn't super toxic,
 so they moved on to something else.
F4: Was the next thing less toxic?
J: No. Perhaps more.
F6: I think I saw someone wearing a coat like that.
F5: Do all human women look so stretched out?
G: No, the artist just drew her like that.

They kept discussing the images.
 The foxes had a better chance of recognizing mundane things,
 not tied to any specific culture or date.
 Still, their knowledge was all over the place.
 They then started looking at the 1991 Sears Wishbook.

G: Couldn't you have chosen anything more modern?
J: Nonsense! The 90's were the peak of humanity;
 everything went downhill from there. Just look at that camera!
F2: Oh! The pages are in color!
G: Couldn't you have started with the catalog then?
J: I wanted to check if they knew The Times.
F2: Oh, a doll!
J: Aren't you too grown up to play with dolls?
F2: No?
G: If you behave well, I'll get you one.
F2: Yay!
F1: That is a house.
Z: Yes.
F1: What is "Christmas"?
J: *Jaw drops to floor*

They had a much worse time recognizing the items of the 90's.
 It seemed like the boons of humanity had been lost.

J: Look at that Amiga! Four-thousand ninety-six colours! One megabyte of RAM!
 Thirty-two! Fucking! Bits!
F6: I guess it looks kinda cool.
F5: I didn't understand a single word of what you said.
J: *INHALE*
F5: Oh fuck.
J: Fine. There's no way you could have known.
 My beloved...

Later, they started looking at this world's bestiary.

G: Alright, raise your hand if you have seen this creature.

The tentacles flipped the book and showed a fairy.
F3 and F5 raised their hands.
Then a robot. F5 raised his hand.
Then a supermutant. F1 and F4 raised their hands.
Then a dire wolf. Everyone but F6 raised their hands.

G: You haven't seen a dire wolf?
F6: No, nothing like it.
J: THEY WERE ON THE FUCKING ISLAND! EVERYWHERE!

They also spent some time discussing random things.

J: So, you know what an apple is, right?
F3: Yes.
J: But you don't know what is an onion.
F3: I think I have heard about them, but I haven't tried them.
J: And you have tried apples!?
F3: Um-
J: NO, YOU HAVEN'T! THERE WEREN'T ANY ON THE ISLAND!
Z: *ahem* It would be better if everyone was literate.
J: Yes, that's why we're at the library. Faber can teach you English.
F1: You mean Demi-
J: DO 30 PUSHUPS! NOW!
F1: Yes sir!
J: Now, Filbert. Can you teach multiplication, division,
 addition and subtraction?
F3: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
J: Thank god! I don't think we'll need anything more complex than that.
F3: Can I teach them about matrices and calculus?
J: No.
F3: Awww...
G: You can keep teaching them if you have free time.
F3: Oh, alright.
J: Which you soon won't have.
F3: Awww...

They prepared for Faber to finish by bringing a blackboard and some chalk.
They spent the rest of the day teaching or getting taught.

F6: So, why are there four ways to write the same letter?
J: Well, the larger letters are easier to notice,
 so you can focus on the important bits, and one style is easier to read,
 while the other one is easier to write.
 Some names are very similar to those of objects so it helps with that.
F6: That's a bit silly.
J: Hey! We aren't reinventing the wheel here!

After the classes, they were given some free
 time to relax and explore the ship.
F2 was looking up some comics at the library.

F2: What's this? (OwO)

It was a porn magazine.

G: Hey! where did you get that?
F2: From the shelf?
J: Ah, I forgot. I was bored so I printed a bunch of them.
 Man I miss having a human body.
F2: Can I read it?
G: Ugh, fine. Just don't leave a mess. And don't get pregnant either.
F2: How did that "pregnancy" thing work anyways?

F6, who was passing by, budged in.

F6: Oh I know. When two people love each other, a stork-
J: I was sure that I used ADULT souls.
F6: That's not how it works?
J: No! Does anyone here actually know where babies come from!?
F1: Negative.
F3: No.
F4: Huh?
F5: Didn't they come from the ground?
J: Free time dismissed! Everyone come to the library for sex ed!

They had some fun alright.

# Ch.10: Professional babysitting

It was yet another day on the ship, which was done a whopping sixth of the way.
This time, the foxes had Cattail bread and "spam".

F4: What is that pink thing?
J: Eh, I just blended some animal insides and stuffed them into a can.
F4: Ew.
J: Hey! Don't get picky now!
F3: How did you make bread out of cat tails?
J: My day didn't even start and it's already ruined.
G: Cattails are a plant; you can get starch out of them.
F6: In other news, I tried out that thing from sex ed-
G: Gah! Don't tell me!
Z: You are an absolute pervert, "A". 
J: Hey, as long as they do their jobs...
F1: My job will always be first. I can assure you.
J: Go get a personality Faber. You're boring.
F1: How should I do that, sir?
J: Drop the "sir". If anything, I'm your owner.
 Second, go read a magazine or something, see what you like.
F1: Yes master.
J: Ugh...
F2: By the way, how did you manage to print so many things?
Z: The data already existed, so I designed an algorithm...
F2: What?
Z: I hit a few buttons in the office and items came out.
F2: Ohhh...
G: Hey Frank. Don't you have anything to say?
F5: Mmmm...
J: I can read your mind, by the way.
F5: DAMMIT!
F6: Well, what is it?
F5: I feel like they're treating us like toddlers.
F3: It IS true...
J: Because you ARE!
F5: Oh come on! If I remember smoking then I must be a big man! Right?
F2: I don't follow.
F5: ...

F6 compared her height with F5.

F6: Eh...
F5: *Holding back tears*
F4: If the cool kids did it at school...
F5: *Audibly sobbing*
Z: The answer is no.
F5: FUCK ME!

F5 started crying. Real bad.
It didn't make him look like a big man.

F6: So noisy... Here, here.

She held his face to her bosom.

F5: *cying newborn sounds*
F6: Help, he isn't stopping. 
J: This fucking idiot... I'm out.
Z: Ditto.

*footsteps*
*door closing*

F1-4: ...
F2: Hey, don't sweat it! We've all been humiliated!
F5: *crying intensifies*
F4: You just made him remember!
F2: At least I tried!
F3: They say that the weakest are those who pretend to be strong.
F6: Where did you get that pipe from?
F4: Are those bubbles?
F3: *blows bubbles from pipe*
F1: I-I don't know what to do.
G: Don't worry, I'll help you.
G: Frank, I know that this must feel hard on you.
 Even I once doubted my manliness.
F5: *sob* R-really? *sniff*
F4: Does that even make se-
G: Yeah.
 Back then I thought that being a man was
 about what the others thought about me.
 They said "If you're a man, do this!" and so I did.
 I thought that if everyone else thought I was a man, then I would be one.
 But that was never enough for them, and even after all the trials,
 I never really felt like a man.
 It was 'A' who explained that real manliness
 could never come from someone other than myself.
 Why would a manly man need to get wasted, Frank?
F5: I. Don't know...
G: You don't need to.
 You're a young, healthy fox.
 You don't need booze to do great things.
G: Now, do you need to smoke to be a man?
F5: N-no?
G: No.
 Why fill your lungs with soot when you can adventure and come back with loot?
F5: You're right...
G: Now tell me, if you're a man,
 do you need anyone to tell you that?
F5: No.
G: And if some sissies tell you that you aren't a man,
 do they have the right to say that?
F5: No!
G: Then tell me! Are you a man!?
F5: YES!
G: I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SAY IT AGAIN!
F5: YES! I'M A MAN!
G: DO YOU NEED BOOZE TO BE A MAN?!
F5: NO!
G: DO YOU NEED CIGARS TO BE A MAN?!
F5: NO!
G: CAN ANYBODY TELL YOU OTHERWISE?!
F5: NO! I DON'T NEED THEM! I'M A MAN, GODDAMMIT!

And then everyone clapped.


...



I don't know psychology.

*door opening*
*footsteps*

J: Are you done?
G: Yeah.
F6: Wait, so 'A' is the one that helped you?
G: Yep.
F2: Awww... Cute!
J: Just because I can do it doesn't mean I like it.
F4: Hold on, you did this to help Frank?
J: Huh?
J: Oh sure! Of course I did it for him.
Z: Figuratively speaking, you just stabbed him until he bled out and collapsed.
J: Well, it worked, so you have no right to complain.
F3: Will we all go through something like that?
G: That's up to you.
Z: It depends on how attached you are to your flaws.
F1: That begs the question, of what our flaws are, master.
J: Oh, let me get my long, long observation list.
J: Faber, you have no individuality.
F1: If you say so, master.
J: *rolls eyes*
J: Fifi, You're too innocent.
F2: Aww.
J: Filbert, you're too absent-minded.
F3: But what does that entail?
J: Finn, you are too easily frightened.
F4: Really!? P-please don't do weird things to me.
J: Frank, you were too prideful, but that should be fixed now so you're fine.
F5: Nice.
J: Freya... You're fine.
F6: That's neat.
J: Maybe TOO fine. Are you sure you aren't hiding something?
F6: Yes?
J: *squinting aggresively*
F6: ...
G: You can tell us if you have any concerns.
F6: Why is it such a big deal?
J: Because A, your brains are still scrambled,
 and B, actually stable people are ridiculously rare.
Z: For all we know, you could wake up one day as Mister Hyde.
F4: W-what? *Don't know what means but doesn't sound nice*
J: You heard him. This is why it's important to inspect any outward signs.
F5: Why not just scan their brains?
J: Even I can't see deeply repressed stuff,
 so it's only useful as a cursory view.
J: Either ways, I will have to check your brain for a second, Freya.
F6: Ok-

F6 was knocked out.

F5: I don't think that 'A' is on the list of "actually stable people".
Z&G: Agreed.
G: Anyways, time for some classes!

All the foxes were sent to the library.
This time, they waited for F6 to wake up, and she turned out to be fine.
Then they had some more classes on basic literacy.

F1: Alright Fifi, can you try reading this sentence?
J: *Sips teacup*
F2: "The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog".

Jack spat out a mouthful of Mobilk-1 onto Zack's face.

Z: That was quick.
F2: Is there a problem?
G: No, we just didn't expect you to learn this fast.
F2: That's great! Can I get my doll?
G: Yes!

A tentacle gave her a doll.

F2: Yay!
J: HOW!?
F2: Well, I think that you're a great teacher, A!
F3: May I try reading too?
F1: Master?
J: ...Yes, write another sentence.
F1: Roger.
F3: There it says: 'Tiffany & Company clocks.
 Fifth avenue & 37th street'.

Jack's jaw fell to the floor, and then some more.

G: You really like clocks, don't you?
F1: I think that is true, master.

Somehow, everyone had learned how to read and write in two eight-hour sessions.
 They also learnt basic math!

Z: What is two plus two?
F4: Four!
Z: What is two times two?
F5: Four.
Z: What is four times seven?
F6: Uhhh... 27.
Z: It's twenty-eight, but close enough.
J: Ok, since you now have basic skills,
 It's time to train you in more specialized things.
F4: Like what?
J: You need to be prepared for espionage, combat and diplomacy.
F4: C-combat?
Z: Yes.
G: Don't worry about it, you're supposed to avoid it.
F4: And i-if it isn't possible!?
G: That's why you have to learn combat.
J: Diplomacy comes first, since it's the easiest and safest method.
 Now you'll have to dress up for real.
F2: Aw.

Some tentacles brought a clothes rack with a few onesies.

G: As you can see, this world's sense of fashion is not very unique.
F5: Wait, is this what EVERYONE wears?
G: Yep.
 Even things without your usual amount of limbs wear this drab-looking things.
F6: Hold on, don't you wear-
J: Shhh!
Z: No, it's fine. I checked, and they cannot see us here.
J: Really?
Z: Yes.
J: That's great. What were you saying, Freya?
F6: Now I have a bigger question: Who are "they"?
G: Well...
Z: The eight deceivers.
F1: You mean the eight go-
J: THEY ARE NOT GODS!

A bucket full of ice water was poured onto F1's head.

F3: But why?
J: If you stick for long enough it will be self evident.
 Now, the thing is that they can spy on almost everyone,
 except for certain places and realms, like our office.
 This is why you need to keep shut about our motives.
F1: Can I have a towel?

A towel was thrown at F1's face.

F1: *with towel in face* fenks mashtar.
F3: Weren't we talking about clothing?
F5: And you're the one to say that!?
G: Ah yes, literally everyone on this world wears them.
 Even royalty wears them, although with more accessories and flashier stuff.
F2: Can I have a prettier onesie then?
G: Unfortunately no. You can't afford to stand out that much.
F2: Aww.
G: The outer world is harsh, I know.
F6: Oh, I just remembered.
 Weren't you wearing all kinds of clothes in your office?
J: It's a mental realm.
 Nobody can break down our door for wearing the "wrong" things.
F4: That happens out there?
J: I mean, probably.
 At least one person got beat up for wearing a flower on their head.
 On their back yard.
F1: Was that person evil, master?
J: What!? No!

Faber really was a bootlicker.

# Ch.11: How2Gamble

This story is getting too long.
Anyways, our foxes were currently playing dress-up.

F6: These clothes are quite uncomfortable.
F2: Well, duh. Nothing beats being naked!
F1: I find them adequate.
J: When was the last time you found anything "inadequate"?
F1: Uhhh...
J: Forget about it.
J: Since you're all dressed up now, I'll teach you how to negotiate.
F6: Will negotiating get me cookies?
G: Yes!
F6: I'm listening.
F4: Isn't it dangerous to negotiate with scary people?
Z: So is breathing.
J: Do you prefer going into a firearm competition!?
F4: N-no sir!
J: Good.
 Now, the art of negotiating is all about maximizing your leverage.
F5: What's leverage?
J: ...
F5: I was joking!
J: Now, in theory, business aren't a zero-sum game, but in practice, they are.
F5: I really don't get it now.
F3: Well, there's a lot of people, one cake, and none of them know how to bake.
F6: Were we talking about cake?
J: No!
 Everyone's our enemy,
 so you're to subtract the maximum amount of advantage possible.
F5: So, we just beat them over the head and steal their stuff?
G: That's a bad idea. If we do that often enough,
 an army will kick down our door.
J: Now, we don't want that, right? RIGHT!?
F4: N-no-
J: IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION!
J: *ahem* If we don't want the gods on our ass,
 we need to make our victims think they weren't scammed.
 And that means no killing.
F5: Awww...
F2: Wait, then how are we supposed to make them give us stuff?
J: Simple. If you can't literally force them,
 you must simply overblow the value of something disposable you have.
F6: Hmmm, cookies maybe? I don't mind sharing.
Z: Perhaps. Chocolate seemed quite rare on the continent.
F6: That's terrible!
J: Anyways. You must also seem like you have way more options than them.
 You must convince them that you could choose anyone else for the deal,
 while they could be missing a once-in-a-lifetime offer.
F4: What if they call our bluff?
J: Nothing. We just lose a bit of negotiating power.
F4: Well, at least we won't die.
Z: Unless you are negotiating for your lives.
F4: Uh...
J: Anyways, that's why you must capitalize in the other person's foolishness.
 That way, they won't know any better.
F1: How do we know if they know?
J: Just take a look at them! Will a farmer know anything about ring theory!?
F3: Perhaps.
J: Ok, POSSIBLY. But that's a big if.
 You're more likely to scam them on that than magic beans,
 because that is, you know, THEIR JOB.
F2: I think I'm getting it.
 We overblow the value of something to someone who doesn't know any better,
 then we act like we aren't hard-pressed. Right?
G: Correct!

Tentacles popped some confetti.

J: Ok, I think you got the basics.
 Just make sure to add the "limited offer",
 and remember that anything someone has is negotiable. ANYTHING.
F3: Their time? Their feelings? Their thoughts? Their body?
 THEIR SOULS?
Z: Yes.
F3: Hmmm...
J: Now if you want to make more complex deals,
 make sure to kick down the competition.
 Tell how everyone that's doing the same thing as you is evil,
 but you're different, and will fix all past wrongs, and save the world, etc.
F5: Are you seriously saying someone would fall for that?
J: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Z: The answer is yes.
F6: But wouldn't we have to live up to our promises?
G: What a world would that be...
J: Not really. If you made the deal, you already have what you want.
 Even then, if for some reason you have to do business twice with them,
 you can always appeal to stupidity to excuse yourselves.
F1: That is delightfully devilish, master.
J: If anyone asks, I'm a sadist by circumstance, not choice.
Z: I have some empirical evidence against-
J: shut [sic]

Jack closed Zack's mouth with his thumb and index.
Was it an index anyways? He only had four fingers.

J: Apart of fear of missing out, you can appeal to other feelings,
 like anger, but fear in general works best.
F4: How about happiness? Happy people don't beat each other up.
J: Wrong. Also, happiness is at the bottom of the list.
F4: Awww... :-(
J: I think that just about covers what you should know. Moving on!

Some tentacles brought another rack. This one had black clothing.

J: Don't be shy! Try it on!
F4: You scare me when you say it like that.
J: PUT THEM ON OR I'LL DUNK YOU IN THE SEA.
F4: AH! YES SIR!

The foxes changed their onesies.

F6: This one is a bit more comfortable.
F2: I guess, since we're not supposed to be seen.
F3: Don't the go-... Deceivers see everything?
J: As far as we know, they don't seem to care about petty crime.
F1: Master, I think that most people do not consider espionage a petty crime.
G: Eh, nobody suffered from divine retribution when we checked.
 They probably don't care about anyone but themselves.
F4: Probably!?
F5: Weren't they our targets though?
Z: Correct. Deceivers and close friends.
F4: We're so dead...
G: Hey! Never give up!
J: Relax! We've got more than a few aces up our sleeve.
 But for that, you should first go to the armory.
F4: There's an armory in here?
J: WHERE DO YOU THINK THE "BATTLE" IN BATTLE CRUISER COMES FROM!?
F2: Oh, so that's how it's called!
F6: I thought it was just called "ship".
J: *sigh* Fair enough. Does anyone already know where it is?
F3: The room of blades lies to the left, then down, then-
J: Yeah, yeah, just show everyone the way.

A while later...

J: YOU CRETIN! YOU PASSED THE ROOM!
F3: All paths are valid if they reach their destination.
J: NO! YOURS IS STUPID! GO TO YOURS!
F3: What?
J: YOUR ROOM!
F3: Okay.

F3 left the group.

F5: So, where is it?
G: Just go back a corner and turn left.

...

J: Finally!
F1: You have an impressive arsenal, master.
G: We're not here for the weapons right now.
F5: I'm dissapointed.
F6: What is it then?
J: Espionage equipment, duh. Now, 'B', if you could explain...
Z: I'm still busy with the ship, but I can manage.
Z: Basically, according to the specification manual,
 divine oversight is top-down and can go through "regular" matter.
F2: Huh?
J: THE DECEIVERS CAN SEE THROUGH THE WALLS!
F2: Ohhh...
F4: That is REALLY creepy.
Z: However, it has two limitations. First, it cannot sense "altered" matter,
 which is basically any deviation large enough from the baseline.
F5: So, you want us to get liquefied of something?
Z: No. In fact, you are already mostly composed of altered matter.
F6: That's weird, because I don't feel weird.
J: Ugh.
G: You see, we were really careful when making you,
 which is apparently much more than the average dude.
F2: Aw, thank you!
Z: Your bodies were reconstructed mostly to a cellular level.
 Most phenomena on this world stop happening at around that scale,
 which means your physiology will be block any vision rays.
F4: Are you sure messing with our bodies like that was safe?
J: Eh, twenty percent, give or take.
F4: WHAT!? W-WHAT IF I JUST SUDDENLY LIGHT ON FIRE!?
J: Well, you haven't already, so you're probably safe.
G: He's exaggerating Finn. I'm really confident in my biology skills.
J: And I'm NOT really confident in YOUR biology skills.
F5: Ok ok, I think I get it. So we're invisible?
Z: Not exactly. Your bodies still produce normal interactions,
 so the deceivers could see you, hear you talk, smell you-
F2: HA!
Z: Or maybe not. I'm not very sure how smell works on this realm.
 The point is that they could see you, but not into you or through you.
F5: That doesn't sound very useful.
J: Want an anal implant?
F4: NO SIR!
Z: I think that I got on a limb. The point is,
 we have all kinds of equipment that function based on "altered" properties,
 which obscure their function to the deceivers.
F1: That is quite clever, master.
Z: I do not need empty praise.
F1: Sorry.
F1: Can I learn their design then?
Z: Yes, they are at the library. You should start with the principles though.
F1: Understood, master.
Z: *rolls eyes*
J: Nobody likes a yes-man, Faber.
 Now, let me show you how to use these cameras...

Selfies and portraits were taken, but the printer was as troublesome as ever.

# Ch.12: Meal tales

It was getting pretty late, so the foxes had dinner.
I didn't tell you, but yes, they did have lunch every day too.
And yes, their lunch did have some more calories; they weren't starving.
This time, they had some scallops, seaweed, and sweetgrass-infused clover beer.
Man, I'm getting jealous...

F5: This doesn't taste anything like beer...
F2: I think it's fine! You probably drank some nasty thing.
F6: I'm getting tired of so much seaweed.
J: How!? We have more than ten types of seaweed!
F6: They all taste the same to me.
Z: There may be a problem with your tastebuds.
J: Yeah! How about I rip your tongue off and give it a checkup?
F6: Uhhh...
G: Don't.
J: Spoilsports.
G: I get that you don't like seaweed, right?
J: That's like not liking leafy vegetables, what the fuck.
F6>G: Yes.
G: Well, we can't really give you special food,
 but we can prepare dandelion and flower salads next time,
 is that fine for you?
F6: ...
F6: No hard preferences here.
F3: *sigh* Don't you have something like potatoes, or lettuce?
J: Nope! We don't have any domesticated or new world plants.
F4: What's the new world?
J: You wouldn't get it. *Smokes twelve-inch cigar*
G: We do have rape, it's that fine?
F4: WHAT!?
G: Ah, I mean the plant.
F4: W-WHAT PLANT!?
G: The rape plant?
F4: NOOOO! I DON'T WANNA GET RAPED!

The guy who named the plant deserves a prize.

F6: Ow, my ears. Hold on a second...

F6 tied F4's snout shut using the table runner.

F6: Much better.
F1: I am curious, how did you make clover beer?
 I have not heard about them being used as an ingredient.
F5: Hah! You can make beer out of anything!
 I once heard about someone who made beer out of cucumbers!
Z: I'm no expert brewer, but that's definitely impossible.
G: I'm an expert brewer, and that's very unlikely.
J: I'm an expert sociologist, and they were definitely lying.
F5: Aw.
G: The point is, if it has starch or sugar, you can turn it into beer,
 and if it doesn't, you can just add some into the mix.
J: THAT'S CHEATING.
J: Anyways, clovers have starch. End of story.

After dinner, all the foxes except for F1 went to sleep.
Before sleeping too, our three despoilers talked a bit.

G: So, you didn't say a lot about it. What was inside Freya's head?
J: *sigh* Give me a moment.

Jack poured a goblet of "diet glyphosate".

J: *sip* So basically, she had your typical share of junk in her brain,
 but everything else... It was just cookies.
G: What?
J: Seriously. *sips goblet some more, but silently because he isn't a caveman*
J: The reason because she seems so aloof is because excluding herself,
 cookies are the only thing she cares about.
 She has memories of baking cookies, eating cookies, vanilla cookies,
 chocolate cookies, chocolate chip cookies, and that's about it.
G: That's REALLY screwed up.
 You fetched the souls from dead people, right?
J: Pretty much, yes.
G: So you're telling me, that some person, somehow,
 only cared about cookies for their entire lives?
J: *finishes goblet* Maybe. But the facts don't lie.
 Cookies are the the only thing she thinks about.
G: Does she seem like she's recovering, at least?
J: Well, she didn't seem to hate being with us,
 so I guess that she got somewhat interested in things that weren't cookies.
G: That's good. Otherwise, we would have had a bakery version of Zack.
Z: In my defence, science and engineering have plenty of use.
G: Yeah, but you don't know how to cook,
 and she could probably make some good cookies.
J: Now, don't make me lose a slave.
Z: Anyways. Jack, I need your help for designing a ship autopilot.
J: Can't you do it yourself?
Z: No, I am not very good at programming, so I uh, hoped that you could do it.
J: Fine, I'll get it done tomorrow. *yawn* Anything else?
Z: You're being rather... nice right now, isn't that strange?
J: Eh, It's rather late, I'm totally busted from babysitting the cubs,
 and that drink must have had some effect, which is rather a success.
G: You managed to get drunk? What did you drink?
J: Sarin.
 "Drunk" would be an overstatement, though.
Z: Hmmm... I will take note of that too.
G: By the way, Filbert was feeling kinda down, could you-
J: Tomorrow, bye-bye!

Then they went to sleep.

It was yet another day.
This time, the foxes had some wild oat muesli with amaranth and walnuts.
The oats were caught before they could roll away.
By the way, I haven't tried the food I talk about,
 So let's just assume it's edible and tastes OK.

F4: I can't point out what, but there's something wrong with this dish.
J: We didn't have any milk, so we used water. Now shut up and eat up.
F3: ...

F3 was sad and still wrapped in his bedsheets,
 which made him more dressed than everyone else.

F2: Aw, did anything happen Filbert?
F3: My thoughts aren't appreciated...
F2: *Shaking F3* Come on, tell me! I care!
J: Are you still mad that you didn't get to waste our time?
F3: I do not understand. I would have gotten you to the room. I did not lie.
J: *wagging finger* Nuh-uh! You were wrong. Simple as that.
F3: ... *lowers head*

*silence intensifies*

G: I think that-
J: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ASK WHY. IDIOT.
F3: Why?
J: Simple. Even if you were technically right,
 you weren't in a practical sense.
 What's the point of knowing anything if it's totally useless?
F3: Uh, knowing, I guess?
J: Well, if you wanted to know useless junk, couldn't you read a sports mag?
F3: That would be very degrading.
J: Correct! Now, isn't it then degrading to waste your time,
 coming to useless conclusions that do harm?
F3: I guess...
J: It is ULTRA OBVIOUS. Your path may have reached the same place,
 but it was plagued with poor decisions that left us at a loss.
J: To be right by happenstance is not good enough.
 If something is true only in a roundabout way, then it's good as false.
F3: *sigh*, I think I get it.
J: Now, do you really?  
F3: ...I fooled myself into believing that I knew everything,
 but it was an illusion. One I made myself.
J: Aaand?
F3: I should start again.

Jack clapped.

J: Congratulations! You have been promoted from smartarse to moron!
F3: Thank you?
F5: Couldn't 'C' have helped instead of you?
G: Nah. I don't know much about philosophy, so it was outside of my expertise.
 He's the psychologist.
F6: Wasn't he a sociologist?
J: I KNOW ALL THE HUMANITIES AND BEYOND!
Z: I would have to disagree. You are not sociable at all. Barely human, even.
J: You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.
F5: Peak performance in being an asshole, that is.

F5 got an extra portion of muesli.
On his head.

F1: With that solved, what is your plan for today?
J: You didn't say master!
F1: What is your plan for today, master?
J: AAARRGH!
Z: You will have a psychological conditioning session.
F2: What?
Z: We will show you scary images so you toughen up.
F2: Ohhh... Oh no.
F4: I'll... Be going to the bathroom. *stands up*

A tentacle grabbed him by the tail before he could leave.

F4: AHHHH! NOOO I DON'T WANT TO SEE SCARY IMAGES!

J: Don't worry, I will give you some diapers.
F6: Is this going to be like a movie? Will there be cookies?
G: We figured that you have an unhealthy obsession with cookies,
 so we will instead have alegria.
F6: Aw.
F3: What is alegria?
G: It's basically candied cereal. Much like popcorn all stuck together.
F2: That sounds good,
 but I don't think it will make the movies any less scarier.
J: DID WE SAY MOVIES!?
G: Come on, we can show them some as a warmup.
F5: Why not just give us regular popcorn?
J: Why do you all know about cinemas!?
F5: Uh, dunno.
F1: Do we have popcorn, master?
J: CORN IS A DOMESTICATED PLANT *AND* A NEW WORLD PLANT,
 ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID!?
F2: What was that new world thingie again?
J: AHHHHH! I'M IN HELL!

He later added a few more items to his "Why this world must be destroyed" list.

# Ch.13: Supreme didactics

The foxes went to the library.
They weren't there for the books though.

F5: Why do we have to do everything at the library? Can't we have a cinema?
Z: Resource storage and engine rooms are the bigger concern,
 so we cannot afford to waste space.
F6: Where's that cereal candy thing?
G: Please sit down first. Then we'll give you the alegria.

The foxes sat down in the row of chairs, which were mighty comfy indeed.
 Then they were given popcorn bags, which contained bars of alegria.
F6: What a letdown.
G: I wanted a more legitimate experience, but we really don't have popcorn.
 Sorry.
F2: Aw! I don't mind! Thank you anyways.

Getting praised by a little girl was on Guy's bucket list,
 and this was pretty close.

G: *ahem*. We'll start of slow with a rather non-serious movie.
F1: 'A' hasn't talked. Where is he?
Z: He is working on the ship's systems.
 He also said that he did not want to deal with
 all of you for the rest of the day.
F3: Does he find us that annoying?
G: Uhhh...
Z: Yes.
Z: I'll also be doing engineering improvements on the ship and main island,
 while also navigating throw the sea-
F4: That's insane! How can you do that!?
Z: So it will mostly be you and 'C'.

Jack was dealing with the other kind of C right now.
Legends say that he didn't use C, but (American) Z,
 a mythical language with the speed of Itanium assembly if it actually worked,
 the security of Rust if it actually worked,
 and the readability of English not written by a man of law,
 blessed by the spirit of programmer Ritchie himself.
But we won't get into those unfounded rumours.

G: Anyways, we'll be watching "Vampire hookers", from nineteen seventy-nine.
F6: Spooky.
F4: Couldn't you have picked something more normal sounding?
G: Don't blame me. 'A' picked it.

Copyright man! I ain't paying!
*Ahem*, some tentacles flipped the state of the lights and projector,
 and the foxes would soon learn about corny sexploitation ""films"".

F3: That's an ingenious way of eating an egg.
F2: Yeah! Maybe I could try it!
G: We don't have eggs. Sorry.

...

F2: Gross. Forget I said that.
F5: That's what I call an overripe egg. Ha!
F4: At least nobody has died yet.
F1: We are a few minutes in. It should happen eventually.

...

F2: Wait, what is she doing in the men's bathroom?
F3: Some things are better left unanswered.
G: I'll have to talk to 'A' later.

...

F5: Ok, that guy is incredibly stupid.
F6: I don't know, it reminds me of someone...
F1: Why are you looking at me?
F5: Nah. He wouldn't have asked about anything.

...

F2: How l-lewd!
G: I'm definitely having a word with 'A'.

...

F2&4:AH!
F5: Come on! It wasn't scary at all!

F4 actually shivered a bit. Meanwhile,
 F6 wolfed (or foxed) down all the alegria,
 and had to be slapped awake with a fan.

G: Hey! No sleeping on the cinema!

Overall, a really corny movie.
They didn't have corn though.

G: Alright, now that you've warmed up, let's get serious.

Some tentacles pulled a slide presentation.

G: 'A' Also wanted me to show you a collection of violent injuries.
F3: But why?
G: Apparently,
 you're still expected to see your fair share of violence later on,
 so you should be conditioned to not collapse when seeing it.
G: Now, here's a papercut.
F4: W-whoah slow down! You're creeping me out!
G: ...You can cover your eyes if you want,
 but bear in mind that you will see this things eventually,
 so it's better to be prepared.
F4: ..Ok, I will try watching.
G: Good! Now, here's a-
F4: Ah!
G: Small splinter injury.

They winced exactly in this order, from least to most: F5=<F1<F6<<F3<<F2<F4.

G: Here is some degloving of the hand caused by crushing injury.
F5: This is why you don't fist one of those android girls.
F1: ...
F6: Ew.
F3>5: What?
F2: EWWW!

F4 buried his face in the popcorn bag.

The presentation took a while since everyone had to muster enough courage to
 eventually look at the slides.
They did finish it eventually though.

G: Alright, since we finished watching and you held out alright,
 I will give you some free time for the rest of the day.
F6: Nice.
F1: It is about 3 o' clock, master. Are you sure about that?
G: Yes. I'm sure the slides were stressful on some of you,
 so I want you to relax.
F1: How do I do that, master?
G: You don't have to say master. You said you liked clocks,
 so you can read about them if you want to.
F1: Yes sir. I'm going now.
F5: I think that I'm going to the armoury, then.
G: Don't. I don't know what weapons you can use,
 and 'A' will get mad if you lose an arm.
F5: Ugh, fine! I'll just go to the gym.
F6: I will be having a nap. Can I have a cookie?
G: I don't know how to make them. Sorry.
F6: Awww...
F2: Can't you just keep teaching us some other stuff?
G: Not really. I also have to check up on the main continent, so you know,
 we can be prepared for that. Call me if you need anything.
F2: So you can't play with me?
G: No. Maybe Finn can.
F2>4: Hey Finn! Wanna play poker with me?
F4: Huh? Y-yeah, sure.
F3: I'll just sit down and consider the recent events.
G: Good! You'll see us again for dinner, so don't worry.

And then Guy focused his mind elsewhere.
But right now we are sticking with the foxes.
F1 tried to read some clock schematics, but that proved too difficult,
 so he instead read a book about clocks for dummies.
F3 was contemplating his very few life choices.
F4 was playing poker with F2, while discussing random things.
F5 was humiliating professional weightlifters. At the treadmill.
F6 was sleeping while dreaming about cookies and sleeping, recursively.
It seemed like everyone had gotten over the scary things.

F4: So, do you like our masters?
F2: Sure! They give us food and such.
F4: Yes, but 'A's kinda rough.
F2: Well, yeah, but I think he means well.
F4: Mean well!? He is a psycho!

F4 drew a few cards.

F2: Sure, but he really wants us to become better, I think.
F4: How!?
F2: It's tough to say,
 but don't you think that he does all this because he wants us to get stronger?
F4: Well, maybe, but that doesn't make him any less of a monster.

F2 bet two chips and F4 called.

F2: Yes, but you can't deny that he does his job really well.
F4: Well, so does 'C'.
F2: I don't think so. He couldn't have coaxed Frank into spilling the beans.

Showdown. F2 won.

F4: Bugger. Are you sure though?
F2: Yeah, he's just "too" nice. He couldn't just couldn't have convinced
 a tough guy like Frank to let it all out.

Another round started with one chip of ante.
Both checked.

F4: *Draws two* Well, I still don't like 'A'.
 He talks to me likes he wants to turn me into a carpet.
F2: *Draws two* He just wants you to stop being a chicken!
F4: Funny you say that.

Both checked, and F2 won at showdown.

F4: Again?
F2: Yeah.
F4: Either ways, why do they do it? They could just order us around.
F2: *Dealing cards* Well, 'A' said that he didn't want to babysit us,
 so maybe we are more useful for them if we appear more competent.
F4: That's disturbing. Are we nothing more than tools for them?
 Is their kindness an illusion?

F2 bet 2 chips, and F4 called.

F2: Dunno. Does it really matter?
F4: Yes!? *draws one*
F2: I mean, if they're willing to put so much care into us,
 what's the difference?

F2 bets 3 chips. F4 calls.

F4: Well, do they want slaves, or companions?
F4: Full house.
F2: Four of a kind.
F4: You're definitely cheating.

F4 ran out of chips.

F2: Isn't that part of the fun?
F4: No!?
F2: Anyways, maybe they'll tell us?
F4: I forgot that you were totally innocent.

The world may never know.
 I'm not spoiling it for sure.

# Ch.14: Gunz 4 goonz

So, It was dinner time. Again.
The foxes had some tuna with dandelion leaves and "mystery sauce".
They had dandelion tea for drinks.

J: We're back. Now eat.
F4: What's in the sauce?
J: Mushrooms, walnuts, and starch. Eat up before I turn you into the next dish.
F4: Y-yes sir!
F3: So, what improvements did you make to the ship?
Z: I- J: I-
J>Z: Shut up.
J: I automated some boring things,
 and also made the software for some other devices.
F2: What's software?
F1: You don't know?
F2: Nope!
F1: It's the set of instructions you can give to a machine.
F2: I don't get it.
J: We have a BOOK on computers for MORONS. Go read it.
F2: Alright!
F6: And what did 'B' Do?
Z: I reinforced all the machinery and equipment with carbyne weave,
 made some gear, and upgraded the island's viewing equipment.
F2: What's carbyne?
Z: Really strong stuff.
F2: Ohhh...
Z: Continuing on the viewing equipment,
 we tested it and used it to successfully gather intel.
F1: What did 'C' do then, sir?
G: I "successfully gathered intel". I also gathered info about the culture.
F6: That sounds pretty boring.
G: Nah, it was pretty fun. Until I got to see the darker stuff...
J: Fifi, I want to know. How good are you at cheating on casino games?
G: Do you really want her to do that?
J: Hey! It's easy money!
F2: Well, I consider myself pretty good at dice control, card counting,
 deck stacking, edge sorting, and some other stuff. I'm also a good pickpocket.
J: What a rascal! Excellent!
F4: So that's how I lost.
F3: That is disturbing. How did you learn all that?
F2: Uh, dunno?
J: Typical.
J: Now, since it's pretty late already, you can go to sleep.
F6: But I'm not tired.
J: Then don't sleep!? Go masturbate or something.
G: No! Please anything but that!
F6: Well, I can't really think of anything else...
G: Just... Read a book or something. Maybe talk with Faber.
F6: Faber's boring.
F1: I recently read about clocks, maybe-
F6: I guess I'll try to read something.
G: Good! Just stay away from-
J: Ignore him. You can read whatever you want~
G: Goddammit. I'll put up with it just because it's you.
Z: He can be wrong sometimes, you know.
G: So you're on my side?
Z: Actually, no.
F3: I would like to hear you talk, Faber.
F1: Thanks. I will be on the bridge.
Z: I forgot to mention. The ship's steering is mostly automated now.
 You just have to check for unidentified objects or monsters.
F1: ...Sure.
Z: You can spend your time learning the rest of the controls.
F1: Yes, master!
F5: Hey! I didn't get to say anything!
J: Well, what did you do?
F5: I did exercise at the gym.
J: Good.
F5: That's it?
J: Want a prize or something? Your bodies are already fine,
 you just have to exercise every once in a while so they don't atrophy.
J: For how long did you work out?
F5: Ummm... Around six hours?
J: YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
F5: Hey, hey. What's the problem with getting a little more buff?
 And there's no way that twig called Finn is in peak condition.
F4: Hey!
Z: We rearranged your body mass so we would not have to make more tissue.
 Finn was just that thin.
J: THIS IS NOT A BODYBUILDING COMPETITION! ANY MORE MUSCLES ARE A LIABILITY!
F5: Well, what's the problem with some more muscles?
J: JUST-
Z: You are already strong enough, since you should avoid battles.
 More muscles would make you and clumsier and hungrier,
 and you will be sore all over from so much exercise.
J: He said it.
F5: Ugh, Fine! I'll just power through the pain!
J: No, you will be relieved of strenuous activities. Bye-bye!
F5: Damn. I guess I messed up.
F3: I can relate.

Half the foxes went to sleep. The rest joined up soon enough.

The next day,
 the ship already was 3/6ths of the way towards the main continent. 
The foxes had rehydrated fruit mix and some sweetgrass-flavored water.

F3: You have a well-stocked pantry.
G: We've just got a little bit of everything.
F6: Didn't you say you just had MREs?
G: 'A' just wanted to scare you into eating seafood.
 We can't preserve the leafy greens and mushrooms forever though,
 Unless you want the canned versions. Yuck.
Z: Which is a lot coming from him.
F6: Then why didn't you give us the greens first?
G: He REALLY wanted you to eat the seafood.
J: Seafood is an ESSENTIAL part of a diet, GOT IT!?
F4: Y-yeah...
Z: Maybe he was right. You really did have an iodine deficiency,
 Although this is according to the text with fluorine as a dietary element.
F2: What?
Z: Read a book, Fifi.
F2: Well, Ok.
G: Anyways, those things should last a week or two.
 The preserved food will last next to an eternity
 but probably have bad nutritional value,
 bad taste, and bad texture.
F5: Let me guess, we'll be carrying the MREs when we get out of the ship.
J: Correct!
G: I think you had some other things to say, 'A'.
J: Pfft. If I don't remember... Oh right!
 We will be showing you how to handle weapons.
F5: Nice!
J: Frank will only handle the small guns.
F5: Awww...
J: Onwards to the armory!

Then they got to the armory.

G: Alright, 'B' and I will be showing you how to use the weapons.
F1: What about 'A'?
Z: He is better at more "unconventional" types of warfare.
F1: Oh, ok.
J: I'll have you know I outlived top of my pack in asymmetric warfare,
 and I have some five, six confirmed kills!
Z: Sure. You still suck at aiming though.
J: Well, can you hack a power station, huh!? HUH!?
G: Anyways, do any of you know how to use a gun?
F3: I think I do.

G: Good! Now, let me see how you shoot with that 1911 on the counter.
F3: Well, I usually grab it like this...

He aimed the 1911 gangsta style.
 
F4: AHH! DON'T SHOOT ME!
J: YOU FUCKING IDIOT!

A tentacle confiscated the 1911 and slapped F3's face.

J: YOU JUST BROKE ALL THE RULES OF GUN SAFETY. AT THE SAME TIME.
F3: But it wasn't loaded!
J: bUt It wASn'T LoAdEd! YOU JUST PROVED THAT YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE A GUN!
Z: *ahem*. It can be hard to tell if a gun is actually loaded,
 so it's normal procedure to treat them as if they always were.
 They are quite dangerous after all.
F3: Didn't they just shoot peas?
J: GRRRAAAHHH!

Seeing the imminent danger. Zack and Guy restrained Jack.

G: Whoah, whoah, hold your horses man!
J: YOU FUCKING TROGLODITE!
 I'LL TEAR YOUR SKIN OFF AND REPLACE IT WITH CACTI!
 THEN I'LL CUT OFF YOUR DICK AND MAKE YOU EAT IT! I'LL...

He kept swearing for a minute or so.

F4: ...
F4: H-he didn't mean all that, r-right?
G: No, nonono! He just got carried away! Right, 'A'?
J: ...
J: Yeah, sure.
J: Sorry. I just hate it when people talk trash about guns.
G: Faber, could you try holding the pistol? I'll be your guide.
F1: Yes, sir.

A few tentacles helped position him.

G: Now, there isn't a single universal stance for holding a gun,
 but I'll be showing you one.
F1: Yes, sir.
G: Now, put your foot from you non-dominant side a bit forward,
 as if taking a step.
F1: Yes, sir.

F1 put his right foot forward.

G: ...Ok, you can bend your knees a bit if it makes you more stable.
 Now, grip the gun with your dominant hand as if, well, shaking hands,
 and extend your index finger over the side of the gun.
F1: Yes, sir.
J: Stop saying "yes, sir".
F1: Ye-... Alright.
G: Now, wrap around with your other hand and extend your arms.
F1: Ok.
G: Good. Make sure to grab the gun with a firm, but stable grip.
 You don't need to extend your other index.
F1: Okay.
G: Now, pull a bit with your non-dominant arm while
 pushing with the other so your arms stay fixed.
F1: Alright.
G: That's the Weaver stance. Congratulations.

And he didn't kill anyone! Wooo!

# Interlude II: Advanced peasantry

I got a bit bored of talking about the foxes, so here's a peasant.

His name was Bob 4, since society no longer used wordful second names.
Bob lived in a house on the central continent,
 inside of some boring realm of little relevance.
He had not met the king, but thought of him as a nice enough man.
Due to the continent's location, it was subject to many wars,
 with the edge kingdoms being rather small,
 and a few larger ones dominating the middle.
Bob lived near the "south" edge.
 It was rather dangerous due to the occasional monster attacks,
 but the knights had thanklessly defended the lands, so he couldn't complain.
4 ran a small pawn shop business near the beach.
 Even though this left him wide open,
 the view of its multicolored sands was worth it.
Overall, his life wasn't very bad,
 and he got to see some rather interesting things every once in a while.
Right now, he was looking at some fruit a knight had found.

4 had heard about all kinds of exotic,
 mutated plants occurring in the southern continent,
 but he didn't get to see them very often.
It superficially resembled a lemon,
 except that it was very large, its skin was extraordinarily rough,
 and one end of it opened into several tentacles.
To him, it appeared as some strange collectible,
 but definitely not something he would eat.
Bob preferred his regular lemons,
 and no amount of citrousy fragrance coming from such 
 a malign presence would convince him otherwise.

'Maybe someone will be crazy enough to buy it, methinks',
 but didn't really care, since they had given it to him for free.
'Maybe it's evil, and they wanted to get rid of it.'
 It definitely looked like it could start moving and eat him.
'I should put it inside one of those glass containers.'
 Maybe feeding it could appease the thing?

He didn't know that he was just looking at BUDDHA'S OPEN HAND.
 Apart from winning the county show, totally normal.

Upon concluding that he should store the find in a jar until it dried up,
 he went along with his day.
Pawning was not a very popular or lucrative business in his place,
 but Bob enjoyed the job anyways.
One of his most esteemed possessions was a lava lamp.
 Just like the energizer bunny, it kept going and going,
 even though it wasn't plugged anywhere.
One of his most dangerous possessions was a bottle that said 'DROP IT AND DIE!'
 The customer also warned him about shaking it, and he didn't want to find out.
The hand definitely was among one of his weirder finds,
 but was surpassed by the bowel-releasing item known as "The Polyp".

A lot of people frowned on his collections,
 but he contributed enough to for the king to give him a pass.
Just in case, one or another knight would watch his wares,
 which made him feel even more safe.

He was also lucky to own a two-story house and be rather well-read.
Today he was going to pay his fortnightly licenses.
 They were a bit on the expensive side,
 probably because of the difficulty with handling his goods and such.
He sipped a cup of black tea with milk while filling the forms.
 He had gotten it from some faraway lands, and was happy to enjoy it, 
 although it was also fairly expensive.
After filling the documents and putting on his robe,
 Bob got out of his house and headed towards the administrative building.
The buildings towards the coast were rather sparse,
 but they rapidly got more cramped.
Fortunately, the streets were decently clean and
 well-maintained in spite of the heavy traffic.

The administrative building was around twenty floors
 of unpainted concrete and ceramic tiling.
He approached one of the counters.

4: Hello, 42.
42: Hi. I wager that you're here to pay for the licences.

There weren't necessarily forty-two people with the same name.

4: Correct. Here's the documents and payments.
42: Let's see...

A few minutes later...

42: They are fine. Need anything else?
4: Yes. Can you give me a pass for the pub?
42: Sure. Same as always?
4: Yeah, 8 hours, Drunken Mermaid.

Some people had used public spaces to conduct shady deals,
 so they could be sanctioned for loitering.

42: I'll be late. Boss asked me to redo the inventory.
 Apparently some bread suddenly disappeared.
4: Don't worry, I'll put one in for ya.
42: Thanks. Going anywhere else?
4: Yes. I told Paul that I would be visiting his house on 585 Carpenter's.
 I want 4 hours.
42: Before of after going to the pub?
4: After.
42: Is that everything?
4: Yes.
42: Alright, let me do the papers.

After that, Bob went to the pub. He was a regular there.

5499: Morning, Bob.
4: Hello, 4-eye. Any news?
5499: Nothing's out of the ordinary. Apparently bread is low on stock. Again.
4: I heard so much from 42. Did anything interesting happen?

Some man was reading the newspaper.
911: 'The eastern front is running out of troops. Reinforcements required.'
4: Well, I sure wouldn't like getting drafted.
911: Pfft. You better do. One less weirdo running around.
4: I think four-eye here would be a better match.
5499: Nah, I could buy my way out of it.
4: With what, pocket change? 
4>911: Does it say anything about the south?
911: 'Large monsters encountered, battle ensues!'
5499: What I'd give for them to finally get rid of them.
4: Nah, if they went extinct, we'd run out of wares.
 It's enough for the knights to keep them at bay.
5499: You damn monster fetishist. I bet you wank off to pictures of them.
4: And I bet you wank off to a keg of ale.
911: Heh.
4: I'll have half a Carousel for me and Editor, please. And one for yourself?
5499: Sure, I'll have the fruit juice.
911>4: Going fancy, huh?
4: I just sold a bunch of stuff, and found a monster lemon.
5499: I don't even want to imagine what that looks like.
4: Oh I'll tell ya.

He spent a large chunk of the day on the pub,
 since he didn't have much to do on weekends.
After that, he went to Paul's house.
 His had only one floor but a large garden.

4: So, what do you want, Paul?
69420: Oh, just talk. The tea plants seem to be doing alright.
4: Not to sound like a jerk, but I don't think they'll survive this winter.
69420: What do you mean? The winters are super tame in here.
4: Yeah, but nobody has managed to grow these outside of the inner center.
6920: What do you mean?
 You think that they have to be blessed by the gods or something?
4: No, it's just that all plants just refuse to grow outside their habitats.
 You know what happened to some deathsmoke flower I got from the south?
6920: You and your obsession with those unholy things.
4: Well, the thing is, It came in a pot,
 with dirt extracted from the same continent.
 I made sure to water it everyday and give it the right amount of sun,
 and you know what happened?
69420: Go on.
4: It withered away! I lost a bunch of money to a stupid plant!
69420: Nonsense. The royal gardens have all kinds of plants.
4: Well, I'm no expert, but I haven't seen them plant any polyps,
 so they must be limited to what's already present on the local area.
69420: If so, why can't I just plant some stupid tea from the same continent?
4: Well, have you seen them grow any tea?
69420: Uhhh. No?
4: See?
69420: Ugh, Fine. But if my tea survives, you'll owe me a beer.
4: Fair enough.

The poor saps couldn't see what was coming for them.

# Ch.16: More Dakka

Ok, we're back with the uplifted-canid-furry-orange-thingies.
After making sure that they wouldn't instantly kill themselves with the guns,
 they were brought into the firing range.
As it turns out, when your slaves have huge ears on top of their heads,
 it's tough to give them earmuffs,
 but they finally decided on some silly-looking ones that
 covered them with a shell of compound metals and ceramics.

F6: Your ears are gone.
F4: W-what!? *Reaching into head*

Z: We used cutting-edge optics to make your
 ears mostly invisible to normal and near-infrared light.
 If you focus, you can still notice a black outline of them.
F2>F4: Wow, it seems to rotate as you move around!

Some cartoonist could have fun with that.

Z: That should protect you from noise and frag.
 It also contains built-in microphones and radio communications.
F3: Why are you giving us this?
J: Real guns are real noisy! You wouldn't want to lose your hearing,
 would you!?
J: And don't shoot yourselves or each other! You'll die instantly! GOT IT!?
F5: Yeah, sure.
J: Good! Now, we have a selection of guns on the counter.
 you can pick whatever you want, except for Frank.
F1: I can't pick Frank?
F6: Haha.
J: ...
G: 'A' Hopes you weren't serious.
F1: N-no sir, definitely not.
J: You know what? We'll be showing you the guns in order.
 Let's start with the pistols.

There were some .45-70 BFRs, .50AE Deagles, and .40-Super Beretta 96's.
All lesser calibers were considered 'Insufficient' and disposed of.

G: Maybe I should get you some wrist braces.
J: Just make sure to get a good grip on the gun or you'll break your hands.
F4: Ok?
Z: You should start with the smaller pistols.
Z: Make sure that the front and back sights are aligned,
 and aim towards the centre of the target.
Z: You must also correct for the fall of the round if applicable.
J: By the way, even if the rounds don't have lead in them,
 you shouldn't huff the fumes, understood?

Then they started blasting.

F4: Ow! My wrist!
J: Stop limp-wristing!
G: Fifi, you should avoid flinching when shooting.
F2: Oh, okay.
G: Filbert, please focus on the front sights.
F3: Huh? Oh well.
G: Frank, you should aim a bit lower.
F5: Yeah, sure.
G: Remember that if the target is really close,
 you may not need to aim much at all!
F6: Why are we training then?
J: The target is NOT always two meters away, you know.

They kept firing the PTFE-coated, carbyne-reinforced,
 polonium-infused, uranium ++P++ AP ULTRARAPE rounds,
 because there is no such thing as overkill.
 The training rounds didn't have the polonium for safety reasons,
 But they still were some real wrist-destroyers.
 Even the measly .40 could kill some AR500 plates,
 although this is like saying that could penetrate butter.

Except for F5, they all moved on to the shotguns.
 They were available on 8-gauge, 6-gauge, and 4-gauge.
 They also used ++P++ ULTRARAPE shot. Around 0000 buck with a big slug behind.

G: Wait, wait. Stop for a second.
G: Are you sure about this?
 It will either send them flying or break their bones.
J: Alright fine, MOM. Who wants a BAR chambered in .300 Ultra Mag?
G: No. Let's talk about this.

They cut the mic.

F4: Well, I mean, those guns really did hurt my wrists.
F5: But that's because you're a pussy.
F4: But could you handle a gun ten times more powerful than that?
F5: Pfft. Definitely.
F6: Are you sure about that?
F5: ...
F5: Ok, maybe my wrists did hurt a little too. But don't tell them.
J: I heard that.
F5: Damn.
G: Oh, don't worry! It was almost impossible to use those guns.
F3: You're back already?
J: Yes, and we got to an agreement.

Hundreds of tiny slime needles penetrated them.
 They were very thin, so they didn't hurt much.

F4: AH!
J: Shhh. Don't move, or I'll really break something.

After a few seconds, the needles withdrew.

F1: What did you do, sir?
Z: I reinforced some of your tissues.
 Now your bodies should be able to sustain the recoil.
F6: I feel a bit numb.
Z: Those were the anesthetics.
 You would not have wanted to feel how we melted down your bones.
J: Now, let's continue with the shotguns.
G: Alright, you should watch the recoil these can really throw you off.
G: Make sure to rest the stock a bit to the side of your shoulder,
 and place your cheek on the stock.
J: Wow, your muzzles kind of didn't get in the way!
G: Freya, you're gonna dislocate your arm if you shoot like that.
F6: Oh, I didn't realize.

Then they started blasting, again.

G: Make sure that you're capable of firing quickly and accurately.
J: With shotguns,
 it's more like "Make sure that you don't accidentally shoot the dog."
 Unless you work for the police. Heh.
Z: That is why you suck at aiming.
F6: What's a dog, anyways?
F1: I think I have seen them. Four limbs, paws, snout, furry all over...
F3: Are we dogs?
J: NO! FOXES!
F3: But what is the difference?
J: I would say intelligence, but that would surely be wrong.
G: I can explain. Basically...

After a boring explanation and some more training,
 they moved on to the "rifles", which were mostly GPMGs.
A tentacle presented the things.

J: Alright, here are some ultra-magnum M1918s,
Z: Actually FN-
J: S-18/1100s! And M242s, modified for personal usage.
J: We added select-fire to the autocannons. Don't ask how.
F5: Let me guess, the 'Ultra-Magnum' one is way weaker.
J: Yes, the one with the bigger caliber is actually bigger,
 and no, you can't try them.
F5: Awww...
F6: Why not?
J: Because he probably wouldn't be able to even lift the damn thing.
F5: Hold on, let me try. *grabs S-18*
F5: It's rather light, actually.
J: WHAT!? HOW!?
Z: Using the power of SCIENCE AND ENGINEERING(TM),
 I managed to reduce the weight of all weapons by around 80% or more.

Jack poured a mug of saturated resiniferatoxin solution, drank it,
 then spat it on Zack's face.

Z: It itches a bit on the eyes.
F5: So, is it a yes?
J: Yeah, yeah, you can try the big guns no problem.
F5: *Totally manly happiness sounds*
F2: So, why do so many of these guns start with M?
J: Simple. The armies of the past world had a standardization fetish,
 so they usually slapped some generic trash with "Model" or "Mark"
 plus some number selected for reasons nobody understands.
J: What you can be certain of is that half of the time,
 any "M" will always be the same thing, unless you go to another country.
G: Or unless you mod the hell out of your guns, like 'B' here.
J: Anyways, these rifles are the same as with the shotguns,
 except that the safety lever has a an extra "many bullets" option.
F3: Uh-huh.
J: Could you continue 'C'? I'm not that good with full-auto stuff.
G: Sure. The "many bullets" option means that the gun will continue
 shooting while you press the trigger, until you run out of bullets.
F4: So we don't have to aim?
G: It depends. Any normal person
 won't come out of cover if they're being shot at,
 but it also helps if you can't really pin down the enemy,
 or if they are especially tough.
G: Just make sure to keep it on target and you should be fine.
F4: Hold on, how do these sights work?
G: See those numbers?
 You can use them to calibrate the sights for its distance to the target.
F4: And how far away is it exactly?
G: Ah, you can use one of these rangefinders.
F1: How do I use the rangefinder, sir?
F2: How do I load this belt thingy?
F6: Can I have a cookie?

Fortunately, Guy's patience was truly boundless.
Also, cue the flying foxes.

# Ch.17: MICHAEL BAAAY!

After trying out the rifles,
 the foxes got to trying out some more exotic weaponry.

F5: Ok, I'll be honest. All of my muscles hurt now.
G: Don't push yourself, Frank. It's fine if you rest for a while.
J: Yeah, we're not gonna do much right now, just test the explosives.
F5: What!? I'm in!
J: Heh, sucker.
G: Have any of you tried-
J: Let's assume not. As funny as the fireworks would be,
 I wouldn't like mopping up their insides.
F4: Wait, what?
G: Alright. 'B', you're better with this than me.
Z: Here are some high-power smoke grenades, stun grenades, frag grenades,
 Mk47s, MGLs, M120s, and some RPG-7s. We also have some other explosives.
G: I don't think these things belong on the range.
Z: You're right about that, we should go to the deck.
 I will prepare some camouflage.

Then they hit the deck. Zack had set up a huge tent so they wouldn't be seen.
No launcher better than the RPG-7 has ever been invented, fight me.

Z: I modified the warheads so they won't scratch the deck,
 but the recoil should be the same.
J: Well, they aren't supposed to be shot, so duh.
F6: What about that RPG thingy? Doesn't it shoot rockets?
J: No, it just makes a huge blast in the back to counter the recoil.
 Nobody stand behind it or you'll get your faces blown off.
 And don't back it up against a wall!
F1: Understood, sir.
Z: We will be dealing with the grenades first.
 They all follow the same ring-and-lever mechanism.
F2: So I can just grab-
J: DON'T TOUCH!

A tentacle smacked F2's hand before she could grab the frag grenade.

F2: Ow!
F3: Weren't we supposed-
J: NOT. YET.
Z: *ahem*, this one is a sulfamic acid smoke grenade.
 It's one of the safer ones, so you should start with it.
G: I don't think that "acid" and "safe" go in the same sentence.
F4: W-what do you mean?
J: Basically, if you inhale the smoke, your lungs will corrode from the inside,
 so don't.
F5: I'll take note of that.
G: Couldn't you at least give them some gas masks?
Z: Those would take a while to design, so the training would be delayed.
J: Ugh, just use the rocket candy ones.
F2&F6: Candy?
J: No, it's not edible.
F2&F6: Awww...

Zack swapped out the smoke grenades.

J: Ok, for real this time.
Z: To use these grenades, you should hold them like this and pull the ring.
Z: The moment that you stop holding the lever, it will come off and
 the countdown will start, so you should throw the grenade.
Z: After around three seconds, it will activate.
 If it is an explosive, you should take cover.
F5: Well, duh!
J: If that was obvious, we wouldn't be teaching you idiots.
 You act like every jarhead stereotype combined.
 I bet that you would eat crayons if given the chance.
F1: I think that I remember doing that.
F2: What? Me too!
F6: Maybe I once replaced the glue with egg when baking cookies.
 Does that count?
J: *INHALE*
F4: ('O_O;)
J: *Exhale*
F4: (U_U)
F3: What's a jarhead anyways?
F4: ('O_O;)
J: ...You.
F4: U_U
J>F4: STOP MAKING SILLY FACES!
F4: Y-YES, SIR!

Then they started throwing the grenades.
 Due to safety reasons, they had to do it one at a time.
Overall, they didn't catch flak or inhale any funny gases, which is good.
Then they started trying out the grenade launchers.

Z: Alright, we modified the Mk47's to also be wieldable like rifles.
 You may want to use the tripods this time.
F2: Awww! Can't you just catch me again?
J: Push your luck one too many times and I'll let you hit the floor.
G: You may want to shoot while kneeling. You know, for the recoil.
 You should kneel with your dominant leg and keep the other one like normal,
 then place your non-dominant elbow on your non-dominant knee.
F2: Wait, what's my dominant side?
G: The one you use most?
F2: But I use both sides about the same!
J: Then stick to your right. End of story.
F2: ...Ok.

The grenade launchers weren't as risky,
 since the grenades could explode at a longer distance.
The HEDP ULTRARRAPE grenades sure were a danger for the targets, though.

J: Now, for my favourite thing, RPGs.
Z: We never got to use one of these.
J: And I'm here to change that!
J: Observe, kittens.

Some tentacles loaded a missile, aimed, and pulled the trigger.
One of the test mannequins was disintegrated.

J: Nice.
F3: Did you say kittens? I don't particularly feel like a cat.
F6: Your eyes look like a cat.
F4>3: What? Oh, it's true!
F4>F6: Yours also look like a cat!
J: All of you have slit irises, stop taking jokes literally!
F3: Why call us kittens then?
J: Because you are all immature, fragile, and FUCKING WHINY!
F2: Well, I don't think I'm whiny at all!
F5: Me? Act like a toddler?
F6: Meow?

They kept yapping. He really felt like he had a bunch
 of kittens constantly meowing at their mother.

J: Ughhh...
G: You're stressing 'A' here. Could you please quit the banter?
Z: Focus on the task at hand. You're also getting on my nerves.
F1: We had to try using an RPG?
Z: Correct.
Z: Rocket launchers have the advantage of shooting straight.
 We will be using tandem-charge HEAT missiles
 since they have excellent armour penetration.
F2: What?
Z: No, Seriously, I'm also reaching my limit.
 Rocket go big boom make deep holes.
F2: I didn't mean to annoy you! Can I make it up somehow?
Z: Stop asking so many questions. I'm not an encyclopaedia.
G: Guys, could you try being more reasonable?
J&Z: No.
G: Fine. Folks, please keep the commentary to a minimum until dinner, alright?
F6: Sure.

They tried the rocket launchers. Really not a big deal.

Z: Next up are the mortars. Due to space constraints,
 we can't really fire them, but I'll show you the procedure.

Zack handed some papers to the foxes.

Z: Here is a chart for assembling the mortar,
 and here are some instructions for firing it,
 alongside some ballistics tables.
F3: Can you walk us through?
Z: Yes.
F3: ...

...

G: Ok, I'll guide you through the instructions.

Guy did as promised. They trained with the dummy rounds.

Z: Thanks to technical advancements,
 only one of you should be capable of carrying the mortar.
F4: You mean only Freya, or...
Z: Any of you. Blame the language.
J: Any good orator can communicate their points in a clear and concise manner,
 regardless of the language.
Z: You have also gotten into quite a few misunderstandings.
J: ...Blame the language.
Z: Anyways, now we will be trying out the other explosives.
 Here we have some mines, plastic explosives, detonators,
 and a few other things.
F1: These are used for traps, sir?
Z: Yes, among some other things. You can set them up to breach buildings,
 break down hard targets, and entrench positions.
Z: I will be showing how to set them up. These are also dummy explosives,
 but you should avoid triggering them by accident.
F5: Or what?
Z: You will fail to form the habit and later lose your lower body to a mine.
 Best case.
F4: I-I'll handle them with care, t-then.
Z: Please do.

They were also taught the basics of demolitions. Zack was decent at that.

# Ch. 18: Exotic weaponry

The foxes were finishing up with their basic weapons training.
 All that was left were some miscellanea.

J: Ok, since you may run out of ammo in the field,
 we will also be showing you some stuff that doesn't use ammo.
F4: Hold on, weren't we going to avoid direct conflict?
J: Well, you never know!
 Sometimes you're just minding your business and BAM. Zombie horde.
J: You wouldn't want to be caught defenseless then, would you?
F4: No sir!
F1: What are zombies, sir?
F2-6: You don't know?
G: They are like, angry walking corpse things that eat people?
F1: Oh, they call them "hungry peasants" where I live.
J: I mean yes, but no! They're called zombies! z-o-m-b-i-e-s.
F3: You seem to have relaxed a bit.
J: Well, at least most of you didn't lack basic knowledge this time.
J: Now, here are some bladed weapons, and also staff weapons.

A variety of polearms and bladed weapons were laid on the table.

Z: All of these have a regenerating nanoscale edge, so do not cut yourselves.
F5: Can I do magic with this staff?
J: No, It's just a halberd. But then again, magic is all about waving your rod.
F6: Can I pick up this sword?
G: Yeah!

F6 lifted the 220cm, 5kg greatsword with little effort.

F6: This one is about my height.
J: Yes, that's the point! Now, does anyone else want a greatsword?
F3: I'll think I'll have this long hammer thing.
J: It's a bec de corbin.
F2: What?
J: I'd say it's a French word, but you don't know French.
G: Well, hello mister Omniglot.
J: It means raven's beak, ok!?
F2: Why not call it like that, then?
J: Call it however you want. Can't have culture here.
F4: I think I'll pick up that one with the thin blade.
J: A rapier? Good, but it isn't going to cut it as a primary,
 so choose more weapons.
F4: Wait, why not?
J: Do you feel confident in facing hordes of zombies with this?
F4: W-well, how about I add another one?
J: Carry two of these sabres alongside four rapiers and we're talking.
 You'll need spares since they can break.
F4: Really?
Z: If by fragile you mean not indestructible, then yes.
F2: Ohh, you have lots of knives!
G: These are throwing knives, and combat knives.
 You know the difference, right?
F2: Uhhh... These are the ones for combat?
J: You're right.
F2: :-)
J: By accident.
F2: :-(
F6: Why not just use a gun instead of so many knives?
J: You see, some guy may think he's Neo and dodge bullets like they're nothing,
 but not necessarily knives. So they're an option alongside shotguns.
F6: Who's Neo?
J: Neone of your business.
F2: I think I'll have a bunch of throwing knives, and two of these combat ones.
Z: Mm-hm. *Checking serial killer list*
F2: And two of these short swords?
J: Arming swords, but it's ok.

The sound of box-ticking unnerved her.

F5: Whoah. I'm definitely using this one.
Z: Who put a chainsaw in there?
G: Heh.

Jack smacked G with a newspaper.

J: No. You can't use that. Choose something else.
F5: Aw. How about two of these bastard swords?
J: Slap in a dagger and you're good.
F1: Can I have a shield?

A tentacle threw him a riot shield.

J: Sure. And?
F1: Uhhh...
J: ...
F1: Hmmm...
J: ...
J: Have an estoc and a knife.
F1: Thanks.
J: Freya, you'll also carry two bastard swords. Filbert, two machetes.
 Everyone must carry at least one knife, and 'C' will show you the basics.

Note that the chopping weapons weren't
 that much lighter than the normal versions.
 The other ones were pretty light.

J: Hmmm... You're still kinda lacking in polearms.
 Freya gets a pass though.
F3: Why?
J: Uhh, huge sword!?
F5: I've seen bigger.
G: Where?
F5: Ah, there was this man who was ten feet tall...

They got some polearms.

J: Finally, I present to you, the most powerful weapon of all.
F6: That's a shovel.
Z: Yes.
F6: ...
F3 Do you always talk like that?
G: No?
F3: ...

After poor communication skills, they chose their final gear:

Faber       Fifi         Filbert      Finn         Frank        Freya

Ultra-Mag   Mk47         6-gauge      RPG-7        S-18         M242
FN-D

Deagle      Deagle       Beretta      Beretta      BFR          Deagle

Extra ammo  Grenades     M120         Caltrops     MGL          Plastic
                                                                explosives

Shovel      Throwing     Crowbar      Rapier x4    Halligan     Shovel
            knives                                 bar

Riot        Arming       Bec de       Sabre x2     Bastard,     Greatsword
Shield      sword x2     Corbin                    sword x2

Estoc       Shovel       Machete x2   6m pike      Shovel       Bastard
                                                                sword x2

Combat      Combat       Combat       Combat       Combat       Combat
knife x2    knife x2     knife x2     knife x2     knife x2     knife x2

Halberd     Halberd      Shovel       Shovel       Bec de       Cookie
                                                   Corbin

            Dice                                   Dagger

Exploding knees not our problem!

Finally, they went to have some dinner.
They had some shrimps, rose petals, and mushroom sauce.
Also rose water.

Z: I'm thinking that our current munitions may not be enough.
F5: You're serious?
Z: Yes. Therefore, I'm planning to include incendiary and poison rounds.
F6: And why didn't you do that to begin with?
Z: Because I'm still figuring out how to
 mass-produce polonium for the incendiary rounds,
 and you will require substantial protection to safely use the poison ones.
F4: Uh, what do the poison rounds contain?
Z: They should have blister agents, neurotoxins, dioxins, perfluoroalkyls,
 organophosphates, and blood agents.
F2: What?
Z: Being within five meters of the impact zone should kill anyone in five seconds.
F2: Oh.
Z: Or less. If the target somehow survives,
 it will suffer from internal tissue corrosion, and permanent intoxication.
F3: But, what if the target can regenerate biomass ex-nihilo?
J: How do you know Latin?
Z: That is were the incendiary rounds come in.
 They should maintain five-hundred C temperatures for at least a hundred days,
 and cling vigorously to the target.
G: So, napalm on steroids?
Z: Yes, but as I said, I am still working on it.
F5: I may like weapons and all, but this is too much.
 My muscles are still sore all over.
J: Allow me to stab you with a thousand
 needles for some minutes and I'll fix that.
F5: Uh, fine? Why didn't you do that to begi-

He got pierced alright.

J: Because I wanted you to suffer for being such an idiot.
 Now, don't move, or it will really hurt.
F5: ...
J: No, you can't sign out.
F6: I really don't feel like I could carry so much stuff for long.
G: Fortunately, you won't!
F4: Huh?
Z: We were able to design boxes of slime
 that could produce the gear according to your needs.
Z: This means that you will only have to carry a modest amount of slime.
F4: Great! My back was killing me.
Z: Beware that making the larger weapons can take a minute or so,
 so think about what to get before using it.
F2: Why not just summon everything?
Z: The point of the slime is to save weight,
 and it cannot make more weapons than its own mass,
 which is about half your weapons without ammo.
F1: That reminds me, how will we resupply?
Z: The slime can regenerate propellant and casings very slowly,
 but you would be better off shoving giving it the raw resources.
 It should only use heavy metals and water
 once we figure out the "atomic physics" thing.
F5: So just lead?
Z: Ideally bismuth, but lead, mercury and precious metals also work.
 Maybe I should consider the radiation problem...
J: Nah, they aren't going to have children anyways.
G: First, weren't you working? And second,
 radiation poisoning probably IS a big deal.
J: Ugh fine, you got me. I'm finishing up though.

He wasn't.

# Ch.19: Leg day

Another day.
The ship had gone 4/6ths of the way to the main continent.

This time, they had some haggis analogue alongside seaweed. Disgusting!
Also clover tea.

F2: That's a weird sausage...
J: Don't you DARE talk shit about Scottish cookery!
G: I made some rock. Does anyone want some?
F5: Why would anyone want some rocks?
G: They're hard candy sticks.
F2: Oh, gimme, gimme!
F6: Pretty please?
G: Does anyone else want some?

Everyone had some sweets.

G: Now, remember to keep your teeth clean, or the candy will give you caries.
F5: Who do you think you are, our mom?
J: Your owners.
F5: Fair enough.
J: Speaking about health, it is about time for some physical conditioning.
F5: Good!
F4: Can't you just rebuild our muscles or something?
J: No. I want you to suffer.
F4: ...
G: It's better if your body maintains itself. Trust me.
Z: Simply put, we are not quite confident about messing with your anatomy.
F5: Wait, did you really just fiddle with my body without knowing?
J: Boo fucking hoo. Frank is exempted since his painkillers could come off.

Then they were at the gym. (subtle huh?)

J: Ok, as I said before, you're already in shape, so you just gotta keep it up,
 And from now on, I want you to do thirty minutes of cardio every day.
F3: Isn't that a bit much?
J: This isn't the US! That's the bare minimum!
 You ran around all day as foxes, so consider it an improvement.
F1: I haven't heard about an 'US' place, sir.
J: Oh, you know, it was some land of fat,
 smelly bastards with brains inversely proportional to their giant egos.
G: Stereotyping much?
J: Yeah, yeah, of course they had worse people.
 Now, you wouldn't want to be like that, right?
F1: No sir.
G: To be fair, they later got quite thin.
F5: Like Finn?
G: No, WAY worse.
J: That just shows they were so fat,
 they only lost weight when there was no "food" altogether.
F6: What do you mean by ""food""?
J: Well, unless you were super rich, you sure didn't get fat from being picky.
Z: Ugh, that atrocious Cheddar, and the MREs... Essentially American.
F2: And we're gonna be eating that!?
J: No, even *I* am not that evil.
 Your MREs are way better than the originals.
G: Aren't you exaggerating a bit?
 The food wasn't as bad as the post-embargo GNA stuff.

Jack vomited into a trashcan.

J: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO REMIND ME OF THAT!?
 EVEN THEY DIDN'T DARE CALL IT FOOD!
Z: You have my condolences for actually trying it.
F3: What's the GNA?
J: EVIL! PURE EVIL!
J: ...Could you Just... Get to the treadmills?

The foxes did some warmups, but since that's boring,
 here's a flashback of what happened after Jack ate the sludge.

G: Thank god that you got back!
Z: I hope that you recover. That thing was a bioweapon.
J: If I die...
G: I'm listening.
J: ...Tell those fuckers and their pet project to blow me.
Z: Wouldn't that be rather weird on a corpse?
J: *Destabilizes* Get the fucking IVs...

He lived. End of flashback.


J: Alright, now I want you to do some planks.
F4: Uh, I don't see any saw-

F5 Closed F4's snout shut.

F5: We all know what you mean. Observe.

F5 did a plank, and somehow didn't fuck it up. The others followed suit.

J: Finn! Fifi! Keep your asses low!
F2&F4: Sorry sir!
G: You're doing good, keep it up!
J: Alright! Now do me ten pull-ups!

The ups were pulled.

J: Ten squats!

A bit hard considering their center of mass.

J: Now, grab the dumbbells!

Cal`is*then"ics (?), n. The science, art, or practice of healthful
exercise of the body and limbs, to promote strength and gracefulness;
light gymnastics.

J: Now drop the dumbbells, and do some leg raises!
F6: Okay.
J: Not literally!

After some more exercise, they finally finished the daily workout.

J: Now you can go rinse off. You should be smelling worse than usual.
F2: Is that true?
F6: *Sniffs F4*
F4: (???)
J: First, people don't go smelling each other around. And second,
 I don't need a nose to know that people
 would run away upon getting a whiff of you.
F2: Why's that?
J: You're foxes and we didn't get rid of your glands.
 You emit an AURA of smell, which most people don't like.
 And don't go pissing on each other!
F1: Why do you say that, sir?
J: With you, I can never be sure.
F2: Can you wash me?
J: No! Do it yourself!
F2: Awww... :-(

Then they went to the bath next doors.
It was a Turkish bath, but at a more humane humidity of fifty percent.

F3: This is quite luxurious for a bathroom.
J: Because it's a BATH with more than one ROOM.
 Also, we weren't rich, and even we had one like this.
F2: So, I just go to the pool and-
J: Wrong.
Z: You should take a shower first, then go to the hot room, and then the pool.

The foxes took a shower for the first time in their lives, and unsurprisingly,
 the water came out brown.

G: Ah, I may have forgotten to clean them while designing them.
J: You say it like it's a minor thing.
 We won't ever be able to invite anyone onto the ship!
Z: And why would you do that?
J: Ugh, fair enough.
F4: Hold on... Y-you're seeing me naked!

Later, they went to the gradually heating place. 

F3: It's quite hot in here.
F5: You don't say.
F6: I find it relaxing.
J: Yes, that's the point!
F4: Are you sure we won't die from heat exhaustion?
J: With you, anything is possible.
F4: Can I leave?
J: No.
G: Guys, just relax for a while! That's the point!
Z: We tried to fiddle with your sweat glands so you would not die.
 Does anyone want some rose water?
F2: Oh, me, me!

After that, they had a massage. If anything,
 their absurd brain mass gave the three despoilers good tentacle coordination.

F4: Oh, yeah, right there... *crack* Ah! I mean the one on my upper back!
J: Yeah, I knew.
F6: *moan* That's good.
J: Do you want a "happy ending"?
G: No, don't!
F4: You mean not having my everything pulverized? sign me up!
F3: Finn, I...
J: If you say so!

It probably felt nice. For Jack.
F4 was very confused, and noisy.

F6: Can I take a nap now?
J: No. Z: Dunno. G: Yes.
F6: So... Can I?
G: Come on man, they're tired right now!
J: Ugh, fine, you can take a nap.
F2: Can I have the "happy ending" too?
J: The massage is over. You lost your chance.
F2: Aw.
J: Anyways, all of you can come over to the deck in one hour;
 we will be teaching you magic there.
F5: Really?
Z: Yes.

After one hour, they hit the deck. Not literally of course,
 although that would have been funny.

F5: Alright, so how do I do magic?
J: Excellent question! All you must do...
F5: Uh-huh.
J: Is...
F5: Is what?
J: To...
F5: Come on! The suspense is killing me!
J: Do nothing.
F5: What!?
F1: Is that correct, sir?
J: Nah, I was kidding.
F5: ...
J: Ok, that face is priceless. Let me take a photograph.

A polaroid was taken.

G: You're a jerk, 'A'. Have I told you you're are a jerk already?
Z: Yes, but emphasis may be required. You're a jerk, 'A'.
J: Oh, jail me! I was having some fun!

Then a cage fell on top of him.

J: Not funny!
G: Well, I've heard that depends on perspective.

True.

# Ch.20: The art of deception

While usually Jack could be imprisoned inside a large cardboard box,
 there was no cell that could contain him in some derivative thereof.
The metafictional implications are best ignored. Seriously. Stop.

G: Alright, could you try actually teaching them magic this time?
J: ...Maybe? I'm not in the *mood* right now.
F5: What, you want a massage or something?
Z: That would be nice, but our body is extremely large,
 and our lack of structure would prevent us from feeling much.
F3: Will we use magic wands?
J: Sure!

Each was given a Magic Wand.

F5: That's an odd shape.
F2: Ooh, it vibrates!

Guy took them away.

G: What is wrong with you?!
J: I'm horny! It's been a full business week!
Z: This is why you should do all things in moderation.
F4: So, you can't think straight because... Sex?
J: T-that's context dependent!
F6: Couldn't you just... *wanking gesture*
J: That doesn't work if I don't have a body!

J: H-hey Faber, could I use your body for a moment?
G: Uh, you may want to think that throu-
F1: Sure.

F1 got knocked out, and then reappeared at the office.

Z: Welcome, and don't touch anything.
F1: Is that 'A'?

His body had gone limp on an office chair.

Z: Yes, that's his avatar. Didn't you see him already?
F2: What's happening? I wanna see!

J: Well, you can see me here!

He was currently talking through F1's body.

F4: Whoah, that's weird.
J: F-funny you say that. *sigh* God it's nice to have a humanoid body!
G: Could you handle him carefully? It isn't yours.
J: Correction: It technically is mine.
 Now, I will be playing solitaire in the bathroom,
 unless someone wants to accompany me...

...

F6: What?
J: Didn't I teach you innuendo on sex ed class?
F6: Uhh... I was a bit distracted at the time.
J: Ugh, fine! Does anyone want to have sex with me?
F3: Does that include males?
J: YES! I'LL FUCK ANYTHING! WANNA FUCK!?
F2: Uhh, that's kinda weird. And gross.
F4: W-why are you looking at me?
J: Ugh, Spoilsports. I'll be going now.

J: Dammit! How do you stand in your toes all the time!?
F6: It comes to me naturally.
J: That was a rhetorical question!
F6: What?

Jack ran away. Then tripped. Then ran again.

F4: What just happened?
Z: 'A' used Faber's body so he could masturbate.
G: Dude! Can't you be more subtle?
Z: No.
F4>Z: That just opens more questions!
F4: ...
G: ...
G: Such as?
F5: So you can just possess our bodies whenever you want?
Z: Yes. 'A' was trying to be polite by asking.
F2: Is Faber fine?
F1: Yes. I'm at the office right now.
 I am getting a view from the corner to your upper right.
F2: Oh, hi then!
F1: 'B' and 'C' are petting me right now.
G: Oh, sorry man.
F1: Please do as you want with me.
G: You're just making it sound worse.
F2: Can I get a headpat too?
G: Sure!


A tentacle petted her head.

F2: (UwU)
F4: This whole thing is just gross. Couldn't he use his own body?
Z: We don't have genitals.
F3: Then why do you have a sex drive?
Z: That is confidential.
G: In our defense, that's just a problem with 'A'.
F3: May I ask why?
Z: We prefer not to disclose information about our past,
 due to "divine oversight".
F1: Isn't it problematic for me to have a look at you then?
G: Nah man. This is an avatar of our true shapes. We have nothing at stake.
F2: Rhymes on a dime!

IGNORE THE METAFICTIONAL IMPLICATIONS.

F4: Aren't we pretty safe here though?
J: But what if they, cracked your skull, *ah* and took a photo of your brain?
F6: Weren't you in the bathroom?
J: M-mind powers!
G: Can't you stop jacking off to talk? Jeez!
J: N-nonsense!
F6: You're not as bad as Finn though....
F4: What!?
F6: My ears... 
F5: What a horny bastard.
J: Ahh~

Guy cut the audio.
What a horny bastard.

G: How about talking about ANYTHING else?
F2: Uh, sure! How's the weather, Freya?
F6: I dunno. How's the weather?
Z: Currently, it is sunny with no clouds.
F2: That's great!
F1: I do wonder, how do you tolerate each other?
G: Well, we all have saved each other's asses,
 so we don't fight over petty stuff.
F5: Is having the world's biggest horndog AND lunatic "petty stuff" to you?
G: Well...
Z: Yes.
J: S-suck it! I'm the best!
G: He could dial it down a bit though.
Z: Ditto.
J: N-NO COMPROMISE! Ah~

After a while, Jack finally finished and returned to the deck.
What a horny bastard.

J: Ah, that was good.
F4: Uh, Faber, don't you have any issues with your body being used like that?
F1: ...
F1: Perhaps?
G: You may want to ask for your body before he goes for another round.
J: You say it like I'm some kind of animal! Although it does sound tempting...
F1: Can I have my body back, sir?
J: Yeah, whatever.

F1 got his body back.

F6: Will we be doing magic now?

F6's legs had gotten sore so she was sitting down.

F5: For real this time?
J: Yeah, yeah, I know I kept you waiting, but I will teach you now.
F2: Yay!
J: Basically,
 magic in this world is all about making up
 bullshit and delivering it to the target.
F6: Huh?
J: Let's say I want to summon a fireball. So don't move or you'll get burnt.
J: Now, the rationale is that I'm super hot,
 so I should be able to control fire however I pleased.

A small fireball appeared in front of the foxes.

F2: Whoah.
F6: It isn't really warm though.
J: That's the catch! For some reason, the more specific a spell is,
 the more materiality it will have.
J: If I made some thousand page bullshit treatise
 on how I should totally be able to control flames, 
 it would feel much more realistic.
F3: I feel personally attacked.
F4: So it shouldn't really burn- Ow!
J: In one hand, it has to look legit, but on the other,
 the scammer also needs to feel convinced.
 And because I'm super hot, my spells can get pretty strong~ 
F5: To be honest, I wouldn't put "gritty old man" on my top ten.
J: But have you seen me at bed? I can-
G: *AHEM*
J: ...So basically, you must convince others and yourselves.
F2: So, can I try-
J: Not yet! You also need to know about the medium through which it works.
 The scam must be capable of reaching its mark,
 but somehow it's not necessary for them to acknowledge that.
F2: Oh, like a good pickpocket?
J: Damn right! Things like direct line of sight are pretty strong,
 but radio waves count as "altered matter", so it's a good choice.
F1: It seems like a powerful art, sir.
J: Not at all. It has two major weaknesses.
J: First, It has a weakened effect on altered matter.
F4: How did you burn my hand then!?
J: Because I'm just that hot.
Z: That was like grabbing a hot potato. Stop complaining.
J: Anyways, the other major weakness is that
 everything falls apart if you call their bluff.
F5: So if I say you aren't hot...
J: You'll need a more complete refutation if you want to weaken it.
 Also you're wrong.
F2: Can I try summoning a doll now?
J: Sure.

F2 got a doll. Meanwhile, F6 summoned a cookie.

F2: Eh, yours are fancier.
F6: *cough* *cough* *gag* That was really bad.
J: Well, nothing compares to the real deal!

He was referring to sex.

# Ch.21: Independent studies

Honestly, I think that you got the point with the food,
 so I will stop writing about it.

Nah.
This time they had some kind of mystery flour
 flatbread topped with "specialty Spam".
 Fortunately, the bread had some lard so it wasn't too dry.
 They also had some tarragon drinks with mint.

F4: What's in the paste this time?
J: Testicles, mustard, rape.
F6: Does it have salt?
G: Not a lot. We didn't think that following the
 traditional recipe would have been a good idea.
 And the bread also has salt.
F5: And you call this bread?
Z: Yes.
F4: Couldn't you use more, normal ingredients?
J: What, you want to try out the MREs?
F4: No?
F3: I think that some options are not being discussed here.
J: And what do you think you are? Free?
F4: Couldn't you at least prepare something for our sake?
F6: I think it tastes fine.
J>F4: Oh yeah! Let me write that down and put it in my slave suggestion box.
J: *Paper shredder noises*
F5: What a jerk.
G: To be fair, we were making full use of the ingredients.
F2: Wait, all them? Aren't some animal parts kinda nasty?
Z: No. We are not feeding you animal furs.
F2: Phew! You had me worried there!
Z: In other news, remember that science always beats lies.
F3: That reminds me: How are you alive?
Z: Very simple: Physics apply to everything inside the ship but us.
F1: That's oddly selective.
J: As I say, we wouldn't be stupid enough to kill ourselves. Right guys?
Z: ... G: ...
J: Most of the time, at least.
F4: What?
J: Anyways, I think that you guys just finished basic training.
F5: What?

Confetti was popped.

F2: The confetti fell into my drink.
J: Tough titties.
G: We will arrive to the main continent tomorrow night,
 so you have the next day to do whatever you want.
F6: Can I try baki-
J: EXCEPT that you have to dedicate it to something useful.
F3: And how would you define that?
Z: Training or study with immediate field advantages.
F4: Such as?
Z: Getting better with a weapon, training said weapon with your other hand,
 learning another basic skill such as-
F6: Cooking?
J: Sure, but no cookies. Can you even make anything else?
F6: Uhhh... I think I once made crackers by accident.
J: No crackers either then.
F2: Can I train with playing cards?
Z: It makes no sense to train for something you are already good at.
F2: Aw.
J: Remember that we don't need world-class experts on anything.
 What we need is people that can do an OK job at everything.
F3: But what if-
J: WE ARE the world-class experts. No redundancy required.
G: Isn't it a bit egotistical from your part?
J: Well!? Tell me something I can't do.
Z: Continuum mechanics.
G: Aiming.
Z: Machine design.
G: Human empathy.
J: Ok! But you can do that!
Z: I guess that is correct.
J: If you need help with some complicated info, we can give it to you.
 We only need you to not fuck everything up, and with you, that takes skill!
F3: Doesn't with everyone?
J: Not with a REAL adult, moreso with you toddlers.
F5: Will we ever graduate from being treated like toddlers?
Z: That's up to you.
G: Well, not to sound offensive, but they say you reap what you sow.
F4: Were we talking about farming?
J: Absolutely, fan-tas-tic.
F1: May I study clocks during my leisure time?
G: You may at the end of the day. But please, train some more for your safety.
F4: About the farming...
J: IT'S AN IDIOT, YOU IDIOM!
F4: W-what?
J: FUCK!

After that, the six little foxes went to bed.
And then, little red riding hood came... Nah.
Next day!

Breakfast. What's for breakfast?
Surely not Froot Loops... And you'd be right.
They had some plain old fruitcake, And by plain, I mean really plain,
 as it didn't have eggs or milk.

F2: I had a dream...
J: "That people would be judged by their actions..."
Z: Didn't happen.
F2: What, no! I dreamt that I was bringing food to my grandma on a basket,
 but then a big wolf came-
J: Oh, that one's a classic! Moral of the story: Don't be so fucking innocent.
F2: Huh? How did you-
J: Mind powers!
G: Fifi, you should know that there are lots
 of people out there that want to hurt you,
 and the rest will hurt you in their ignorance.
F2: But you don't want to, right?
J: Heh, she doesn't know...
G: Could you shut up for a second?
G>F2: You can't just trust people when they say something is for your good.
 They may be wrong, or just trying to take advantage of you.
 Throwing your life away for something you don't comprehend never ends well.
F2: But, what do I do then?
G: Only you can learn what's good in this world. Find the truth, 
 and you will know what to do.
F2: ...
F2: *sigh* ...Ok.
F5: Wait, she didn't cry?
J: As it turns out, she is more of a man than a certain person here.
 Anyways, it's about time that you get to doing something productive.
G: You can ask us if you need help with something.
Z: Obviously, we are there to assist, not to babysit.
 We will also be quite busy today.
G: I'm the more available of the lot, so I don't mind.
G: So, what do you plan to do today?
J: After the daily exercise routine?
F4: Ah, I forgot about that.
F6: I think I will try my hand at cooking.
J: Good! Because we probably won't be making food for you out there.
F5: What do you mean by probably?
J: Do you like your food with traces of poison and explosives?
F4: No?
J: Then we probably won't be cooking for you.
Z: To clarify, our slime tends to hold trace materials.
 We can keep them separated from the toxins in a lake,
 but not so much with a pack.
F2: Ohhh...
J: Anything else?
F2: Well, I think that I will try to get good at using weapons with both hands.
G: Great! It shouldn't be too hard, but call me if you need help.
F3: I will be... Hmmm...
F5: I think that I will train my aiming.
F3: *scratches nonexistent beard*
F4: I guess I will learn more maths with Filbert.
F3: Sure, I can teach you.
F1: May I try out fishing?
J: Do you have any prior experience with that?
F1: No, sir.
Z: I will leave you the supplies at the deck.
F1: Thanks.
J: Try reading the manual, and don't fall of the deck, ok!?
F1: Yes, sir.

And so, the foxes started their independent activities.
Let's start with F1.
He was sitting on a chair, on a ship, on an ocean.
On a world...

F1: Lovely day, Isn't it?

Goddamn maniac, talking to himself.
On his first try, he threw the rod into the ocean. Fortunately,
 there were several spares.

F1: The ship's going a bit too fast, I think.

True.
He tried reading the manual and reassembling the rig.

F1: Alright, time for a little trolling.

He trolled them real good.
After a while, a tuna bit the line and F1 was almost sent flying.
 Since he didn't want to end in the sea, he released the rod,
 and went back to reading the manual.

F1: "Attach rod to ship to avoid dangerous pull from large fish."

He looked around, and there it was. A rod holder.

F1: Now I feel a bit dumb.

Even then, he would not shut up.

# Ch.22: It's not procrastination, I swear!

Since F1 is a very boring fox-animal-man-thing, I will now talk about F2.
She was doing some marksmanship training alongside F5.
While F5 focused on accuracy, F2 was trying to get good with her other hand.

F2: So, how come I'm hearing you over all these gunshots?
F5: The earmuffs must come with radio and some exotic noise filter.
F2: What was that radio thingy again?
F5: Dunno. I think it has something to do with invisible, inaudible waves.
F2: Well, there must be some kind of book about it at the library!
F5: Knowing about them really isn't on my list of priorities, you know.
F2: But it could come in handy!
F5: Sure. Still don't care.
F2: How can't you know how useful is something you don't know?
F5: Did you talk with Filbert recently?
F2: Yeah! How did you know?
F5: Figures. Only he would spout such overly complicated questions.
 And the answer is no. I'm pretty sure I'll never need to know about radio.
F2: But...
F5: Ugh.
F2: Oh, sorry for annoying you.
F5: No, it's fine. Even I think I was like this once.
F2: Well, what I wanted to say was that, uh, ummm...
F5: I wager that you wouldn't win many debates.
F2: Hold on, I almost got it!
F5: I'm listening...

She took a while to talk back because she got
 confused between doing the training and talking.

F2: Ok, so, don't you think that...
 you really don't need to know about anything?
F5: What?
F2: I mean... If you're just a farmer, and can feed yourself,
 you don't really need to know about math or even be capable of reading.
F5: Well, I sure wouldn't like to live in a mud shack.
F2: That's the point! While you wouldn't ever need to know about radio,
 wouldn't it come handy to know about it? You never know!
F5: Hmmm... I'm still not convinced.
F2: Also, master doesn't want you to train for the same thing all day.
F5: Fine! I'll look up the damn thing!
F2: By the way, should I say master or masters?
F5: How about you go and bug Filbert about it, or even better,
 ask them personally?
F2: Oh yeah! Why didn't I think about it?
F2: Hello? Are you guys there?
J: If you're listening this, stop being such a needy brat.
 We are occupied doing adult stuff, so this is an automated message.
 If you can't stop being such a needy brat,
 please leave a 5-second message on the voicemail after hearing a beep.
 I will probably send it to the shredder when I have time.
 *beep*

Moving on, F3 was teaching F4 about stuff.

F3: So, this is Euclid's principle...

However, maths are boring and I skipped them during kindergarten,
 so we will be skipping them here too.

Next up was F6.
Not straying off too much from her origins,
 she was currently trying to bake bread,
 but she ran into a few problems.
First and foremost,
 the cookbooks called for ingredients that were unavailable,
 like wheat flour, yeast, and sugar? Who the hell adds sugar to bread?
Anyways, since she had none of the required ingredients,
 she tried making some sourdough starter and hoped for the best.
Not bothering to clean her hands and therefore leaving a mess,
 she looked up some more recipes.
In her defense, getting dough out of her fur must have been mighty difficult.
Now, she tried to make a steak.
 Fortunately, she kind of had the ingredients this time.
 Unfortunately, she had to prepare them.
She didn't see any any problems with making steaks out of fish,
 but even with the butchering guide, she made a mess.
She applied a bit of lard on the pan, the fish fillet,
 and some salt "to taste".
She didn't know what that meant,
 and ended up adding an unpleasantly large amount.
After washing the fillet and reapplying the salt,
 she got the right amount and ate it up.
After that, she tried making a fairy cake.
Using oat flour, some berries and baking soda,
 she somehow managed not to fuck it up.
It wasn't the best fairy cake ever, and the soda didn't work without protein,
 but it was acceptable. Of course, she ate her cake.
She still had a long ways to go towards even Zack's overcooked level.
Fortunately, after finishing her cooking,
 she heeded the sign on the kitchen that said 'LEAVE A MESS
 AND I'LL LEAVE YOU A MESS' and left it acceptably clean.

Then she remembered that she had to make lunch for everyone.

In a rare case of me actually narrating lunch,
 the foxes had some rehydrated meat with a side of starchy paste and rape.
Funny plant name.
They had water this time.

F4: You know, this isn't really good, but it's not bad either.
F3: You get a seven out of ten for effort.
F2: I wanna know, how was everyone else?
F4: I got the maths.
F3: He got the maths.
F5: I got a few bullseyes.
F1: I went fishing.
F6: The flour is still stuck on my fur.
F4: Aren't you going to take a shower?
F6: Maybe after a nap.
F4: I don't think that they would appreciate having you take naps, you know.
F1: I caught a tuna.
F5: And?
F1: ...
F5: Don't you have anything else to say?
F1: I read about fishing.
F2: Did you like it?
F1: Yes.
F5: I bet that you wouldn't win many debates either.
F3: Would you?
F5: Pfft, of course I...
F5: Ok, maybe not.
F6: You'd hit them over with a glass bottle?
F5: How did you know?
F6: Because that's something you would do?
F5: Fair.
F4: Ew! I got a hair in my food!
F2: By the way Freya, why is it that the hair on your head is so long?
F6: I dunno.
F4: Now that you say it, it's kinda weird isn't it?
 It's like she's got a wig on top of her fur.
F1: I'd wager that master designed her like that.
F2: Why?
F1: I don't think that they needed a reason for that.
F1: By the way, should I say master or masters?
 That has been worrying me for a while.
F3: I think they are three people, but you usually refer to them one at a time.
 You could also just call them by their names.
F1: Good to know.
F5: I'm pretty sure that their names are bullshit.
 Like, who the hell has a single letter as a name?
F6: Wasn't it obvious?
F5: What?
F3: They did say that they did not like discussing personal information.
F5: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. But couldn't they use less shitty names?
F1: If anything, the masters don't like to create false appearances, I think.
F3: Furthermore,
 I would like to add that 'A' does not like to
 spend unnecessary effort in dealing with us.
F4: In my opinion, that's just parental neglect!

Lunatics don't make good parental figures, who would have thought!

F6: I don't hate it. It's relaxing not to have someone nagging me all day.
 Although I would like some more cookies...
F4: You think that getting screamed at is comfortable!?
F6: Ow. At least when 'A' gets angry, it doesn't hurt in my ears.
F2: I think that they want us to be more like "adults", whatever that means.
F3: Adulthood is... Uhhh...
F5: You don't know, now do you?
F3: No, not really.
F4: Well, if they made us,
 why can't they tell us what they want from us straight?

Meanwhile...

G: So, why can't you just tell them, man?
J: They just wouldn't get it.
Z: To me, it seems like even you don't get it.
J: I CAN LEAVE IT WHENEVER I WANT!

Sure thing Jack.

# Ch.23: Ready up

The little fluffballs did a few more activities before dinner.
Our tyrant trio of doom came back at around that time,
 and baked some cake without eggs. Or dairy. Truly villainous.
In fact, it was essentially the same as the fruitcake,
 except that the fruit was in layers, and it had some marshmallow fondant.
They also had some soda water.

F5: Why can't you just add eggs to food? This thing is ridiculously dense!
Z: We couldn't force the birds to lay eggs off-season, so we don't have any.
F2: I think it's fine, although maybe a bit too rich.
J: You're gonna need the calories soon; they may be your last!
F4: What!?
Z: As we already told you, we will be disembarking tomorrow morning.
G: Yeah, we made some cake to celebrate the occasion.
 Sorry if it's a bit heavy.
F6: *with mouth full* I think it's fine.
G: About that...
J: If you show those manners outside, they'll skin you alive,
 and I will fetch the popcorn.
F3: Didn't you say there was no popcorn?
J: It's a manner of speaking! Plus in the office I can have whatever I want!
J: When your terrible manners get you killed I will be like this:
 *OM NOM NOM NOM*
Z: What a hypocrite.
J: Well, I'm not the one going into the battlefield.
F4: Could you help us not die then?
J: Yeah, yeah, just don't get into other's personal space,
 use the silverware when in doubt, and don't get caught snooping,
 naked or masturbating.
F1: I think that I already knew all that.
F5&6: *Burp*
F3: We are all raised different.
Z: To clarify, you should also avoid farting or burping.
F2: How? Am I supposed to hold it in?
G: No. You just need to be subtle about it. Real subtle.
J: That only works because I can't smell.
F5: Why do we need so many formalities anyways?
Z: We figured that it would be easier if you posed as nobility.
F4: WHAT!?
F6: Could you scream a bit less?
F4: Oh, sorry.
J: The thing is, when people think you're high class,
 you can get away with ANYTHING, as long as you don't look poor or unrefined.
F2: Wait, if I'm all fancy-looking, then can I get away with robbing a bank?
J: Yes! The sky's the limit!
F1: But what if they ask for identification?
J: That's something only the plebs do here. Isn't that right 'C'?
G: Yeah. From what I've seen, if you look like you own the place,
 and are badass enough, you own the place. Simple as.
F5: So you're saying that nobody would bat an eye at me raping
 children in broad daylight just because I'm wearing a fancy hat?
J: Yes.
F3: I simply cannot imagine that actually happening.
J: HAHAHAHA!

Jack fell off his chair and rolled on the floor, laughing.

Z: In that case, you have a serious lack of imagination.
G: I mean, not literally in broad daylight...
Z: Did you forget what happened with that knight?
G: Ok, maybe literally.

Jack was still laughing.

G: Anyways,
 you should read up a bit on basic etiquette so your cover doesn't get blown.
G: And by the way, I would like to congratulate you for doing well today.
F2: Aww! thank you!
F3: Where you watching us?
G: Every once in a while, yes.
Z: We were occupied with more important things to check on you all the time.
F3: As in?
J: Ah... Totally could never happen. Where were we?
Z: We were talking about what we did today.
J: Ah, yes. I did some more automation.
F4: That's rather vague.
J: It's thankless work!
 Who do you think made sure that you weren't remodeled alongside the ship?
J: Who do you think made sure that we wouldn't slip up with key intel?
F6: What?
J: Try saying "potato".
F6: Alright. Pot-, poteugh-, onions.
F1: Hold on. Let me try. P-O-N... P-O-T-T...
J: See?
F5: There's no way you can't say Pough- FUCK!
Z: In other news, I added optical camouflage to the ship,
 and figured out the nuclear physics thing.
F3: And about the radiation poisoning?
Z: I managed to reduce it down to a manageable amount.
 You should be getting a mere one hundred millisieverts per annum,
 assuming continuous usage of portable versions.
F2: ???
J: You may get sick more often if you carry those backpacks all day,
 but it's not like I care.
G: To be fair, I think that you would have to sleep with them, for years,
 so you're probably safe.
F4: Thanks?
F2: And what did you do, 'C'?
G: I mostly checked the geography, culture and such.
 I added the maps to the library, in case you wanna look them up.
F2: Cool!
G: That should about cover it. Does anyone have something else to add?
F1: How may we reach the coast exactly?
J: You'll see. We have a few surprises waiting for you.
F4: I don't like how you're wording that.

After that, the mostly orange creatures went to sleep.
I will keep using contrived terms to describe them. You can't stop me.

The day after, they went straight to the armoury.

J: Now, we will be arriving towards the main continent.
J: Since I can never be sure with you,
 I will stress again that you can't run around naked out there.
F6: And what if I just walk around?
F4: Yeah, what about crawling?
F3: Or sprinting?
J: UGH! You can't be naked, period! So you better kiss your nudity goodye!
F6: *Bending over*
J: *Observing noises*

              _--~~~-_       
           .'         '.
      ____/____         \
    /\   /\    \        |
    \/___\/____/        |
      | | |__           /
      | | |_/     ____-'
      | | \__.-~'   |
      | |      |    |

G: AHHH! ABORT, ABORT!

After that little mishap, they got back to work.

Z: Also,  moving at a rate other than walking is generally considered rude.
J: Since we can't exactly beach a warship onto enemy territory,
 you'll be swimming for the last couple hundred metres.
Z: For that, we prepared these special drysuits.

Cue the drysuits.

Z: These highly advanced suits offer full enviromental protection,
 and include an optical camouflage helmet with advanced sensors.
Z: They are also resistant to bullets, fire, blunt trauma, vacuum,
  acid and magic while maintaining excellent flexibility and comfort.
Z: Moreover, they come with active refrigeration and synthetic muscles,
 which provide increased physical capabilities to the user.
J: THESE SUITS ARE WHAT AN ENGINEER'S WET DREAMS ARE MADE OF!
 NOTHING EVER DEVISED BY MAN IN ITS TEN THOUSAND YEAR HISTORY CAN
 EVEN COMPARE TO THE SHEER MIGHT HELD WITHIN THESE FIBERS!
J: THIS IS THE PROOF THAT THEY ARE NOTHING COMPARED TO US!
 THEY ARE THE DINOSAURS, AND WE ARE THE METEORITE!
G: Whoah! Calm down!
J: Oh. I may have gotten carried away, again.
F4: Y-you scared me for a bit there.
F2: I think that I got half of what 'B' said.
F5: And I got a quarter of what 'A' said.
Z: ...Alright. What did you understand?
F6: Suits very advanced and powerful?
G: Eh, you got it well enough.
Z: Are you kidding?

Guy didn't have very high standards for a lot of things.

# Ch.24: Arrival

Let's continue with the suits, which were so good they even had pockets.

F6: So, how am I supposed to put on these things?
Z: That would be rather complicated,
 so it's easier to just build them in place.
 Stand still for a second.

Since zippers are hard,
 the layers were synthetised directly on top of their bodies.

Z: Now, you should put on the helmet.
 Make sure to tuck your hair or there will unfortunate consequences.
F2: So, why is Freya's hair like that?
J: I thought it would be funny.
G: And you're lucky I stopped him at a reasonable length.
F2: Can you do that with me?
J: No.
F2: Awww...

Then everyone put on their helmets.
 The camo was so good their heads seemed to disappear,
 except for a thin outline.
Now we have dullahan foxes!

F4: Everyone is looking kinda weird...
J: Fashion a mirror?

The tentacles showed him his own reflection.

F4: Ah!
F5: So these are like the earmuffs, but for the entire head?
G: More or less, yeah.
J: Now that we have sorted that out, here's your gear.

The tentacles gave them their backpacks and some flippers.

Z: Don't put on the flippers immediately.
 They are for when you're about to start swimming.
J: You better be thankful,
 because redesigning them to fit your feet was a nightmare.
F4: I-is it to late to clarify that I don't know how to swim?
J: You'll manage.
F3: What does this backpack contain?
Z: Slime.

...

F1: What should we do with the slime, sir?
J: Just name a tool and it will come out, jeez!
F5: BFR.

A BFR appeared on one of the backpack's side pockets.

F5: Cool!
G: Now, how about we all summon our sidearms just to be sure?

They summoned their sidearms.

G: Great! Now that everything is done here, let's go to the moon pool.

To the moon! Pool.
They also put on their flippers.

J: Now, you'll be diving thirty meters under the sea level, towards the coast.
F6: And how do we avoid getting lost?
J: Your helmets should give you PLENTY of indications.
Z: Your guns will still work underwater, but they'll have reduced range,
 so make sure to consider that if you're attacked.
F5: Reduced by how much?
Z: Dunno.

The author is too lazy to do the maths.

J: Alright, you've been in here long enough, get out!

Some tentacles kicked them out into the water.
After the initial commotion, they got swimming.

F4: I guess this isn't that hard.
J: See? And you were already crying.
F4: I wasn't crying!
G: From a one to ten, how would you rate the drysuit experience?
F2: Hmmm... I think that I would give it a-

A man-eating shark appeared!
However, it wasn't interested in foxy abominations, so it swam away.

F2: ...I would give it a-

A fox-eating shark appeared!
 However, it wasn't interested in HUMANOID foxes, so it swam away.

F2: I think I'll just shut up.
F6: I give it a 10.

A fox-man-eating shark appeared!
 How oddly specific!
Fortunately, it wasn't immune to the all new and improved,
 osmium-core ULTRARRAPE bullets.

F5: The guns worked just fine.
J: Who wants shark for dinner?
F1-6: ...
J: Just kidding!
F3: I do wonder, aren't we at risk from decompression sickness?
Z: The suits operate under atmospheric pressure at these depths.
F4: And that means?
Z: You won't get the bends.
F4: Huh?
J: Do any of you know anything about diving!?
F3: I once read a pamphlet about it.
J: I don't know why this surprises me anymore.

Eventually, and after a mere ~20 chapters,
 our characters finally got to where everyone else was.
They arrived early in the morning near a town,
 and since all the villa(i)ns were lazy bastards,
 that meant no one was around.

F2: Ohhh, the sand is so pretty!
J: It looks like cheap glitter to me.
G: Why must you complain about everything ever?
J: It is what it is!
Z: Please take off your helmets and place them inside your backpacks.
F4: Wouldn't that be less safe?
Z: Yes,
 but people tend to have negative biases towards people without a visible face,
 or head.
J: Remember, you have to look trustworthy before you stab them in the back!
Z: Guns are also considered dishonourable, so you will have to part with them.
 Or at least hide them well enough.
G: While I don't agree, I can get why they think that.
J: Let me guess, because glorified butter knives are way worse at their job,
 and therefore using them makes you more of a macho man?
G: More or less, yeah.
F5: That's so stupid!
F3: Weren't you like that until a few days ago?
F5: Well, now I can admit that it was stupid.
Z: Anyways, you should put on your clothing.

They changed their gear, and simply put their onesies on top of the drysuits.
They also put on some boots for digitigrades,
 which looked kinda weird because of their foot structure,
 but hey, standard clothing.
Since a BFR is not exactly what you would call a 'concealment gun',
 everyone CC'd some berettas.
How does that work on an onesie anyways?
Oh, they just hid them in their backpacks, nevermind.

G: From my observations,
 I also saw that polearms were considered dishonourable.
J: Ok, they are taking a piss!
 What's next,
 axes are dishonourable because real men chop trees with their hands!?
G: What would happen in the hypothetical case I maybe said yes?
J: I WOULD BURN THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND!
G: Well, thank god that didn't happen.
J: Now you left me with the doubt. I'm killing everyone just in case.
F1: Does that include us?
J: NO, YOU ASS!
F6: Can we have breakfast? I haven't had anything this morning.
G: Yes. One of your backpack pockets should come with non-radioactive MREs.
 I can assure you they're not as bad as 'A' Said.
J: I can assure you he's lying.

They unpacked the stuff.

F2: How do I eat this thing?
Z: You must add water to the food, add water to the heat pack,
 put it at an angle on a rock or something and wait for a while.
F2: Well, at least we've got plenty of water!
F4: I don't think that drinking seawater would be a good idea.
F5: Yeah, no shit.
J: At least some of you aren't lethally stupid in this case!
 Get the filters, pump some water into a bucket, and use that.
F6: They're this thing?
J: Yes, the thing that says 'REVERSE OSMOSIS WATER FILTER' is a fucking filter!
F6: How does this-?
J: Figure it out.
G: Uhh, you're supposed to-
J: shut

After unsuccessfully trying to collect seawater from the waves,
 the foxes dug a hole in the sand and filtered out the salt.

J: See? Shovels save lives.
F2: The chewing gum is pretty good.
J: WHO PUT NON-FOODSTUFFS IN MY MRE'S!?
G: Relax, man. Why can't they have candy?

After getting chewing gum in his hair, he cursed the flavoured rubber.
 It remembered him of the bad old days,
 not to be confused with the bad new days.
They also prepared the MREs. Surprisingly, they were edible.

F6: I guess this tastes alright.
F3: It's a bit bland, in my opinion.
F2: I got berries!
J: Cloudberries.
F4: By the way, where do I go to the bathroom?
J: Hahaha!
Z: Dig a hole.
G: Sorry, but we can't afford such luxuries here.
F5: Ok, but how would I take the suit off in that case?
G: You must unzip it very carefully,
 then zip it even more carefully when finished.
F4: I don't like the idea of being vulnerable in the middle of a beach.
J: Then set up a tent? Fortifications save lives.

After having breakfast, half of the function keys moved on.

F1: Where should we go now?
J: To that pawn shop situated conveniently in front of you.
 We've got to make a quick buck before fucking everyone up.

See lads? The interlude wasn't filler at all.

# Ch.25: An irresistible scam

After leaving a sizeable mess on the coast, the funny canids got moving.

J: Now, this is where your training comes in.
 Scam the pawnbroker out of all his cash by making them buy your junk.
F4: What will we be selling them anyways?
G: Some old newspaper. Written stuff is considered priceless in here.
Z: Remember, be polite, but never as an equal.
 Don't look desperate or ignorant.
J: And moreover, don't think out loud. Did you get all that?
F6: Yeah, I think so.

It must have been weird for the shopkeeper, waking up "early" in the morning,
 and opening up shop to see a group of six people waiting at the door.

4: Um, what brings you here, fine gentlemen?

Not only did they looked important, but they physically towered over him,
 and seemed to be armed to the teeth.

F3: What else but what this shop does best?
4: Right. Please enter.

They got to the counter.
The tallest person in the group occasionally
 ducked to avoid hitting the ceiling beams.

4: My apologies if the shop is a bit cramped. What do you want?
F3: We would like to sell this special scroll.
 It's written in demitongue.

They pulled out a certain text.
 Except for themselves, everything seemed to lose colour around it.

4: Where did you get that from?
F3: From an expedition. Easier to carry than a hundred currencies.

Adventurers would find miraculous relics from time to time,
 just like the knights. It checked out either ways.

4: It's a pretty rare find, but I don't think I can pay for that.
F3: We are not too concerned about the price, just give us an offer.
4: I can give you two thousand quid for that.
F6: I'm pretty sure even the church would cut us a better deal.
F5: You know what they say about pawnbrokers...
4: Alright, five thousand. I've still got to pay my bills, you know.
F3: Good enough. Don't try to swindle your customers, understood?
4: Understood.
F3: That is all for today. Thank you for your service.
4: Thanks.

Then they left.

Z: Maybe what we sold him was not priceless, but definitely worthless.
G: I feel sorry for the poor guy. He must have lost a fortune.
J: LA-LA-LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER ALL THE MONEY I'M MAKING!
F2: Did we do well?
Z: Sure.
F6: 'A' just kept screaming at me.
J: And because of me, everything went smoothly!
F4: Well, I think that both 'B' and 'C' were a lot more understandable.
F5: No shit.

No shit.

Z: Obviously.
J: Fuck off.
F3: How did he even fall for it?
J: Well, it only works if the mark is dumber than a brick,
 but in that case, you can always point a gun to their face.
F2: What can I buy with this "quid" thingie anyways?
Z: A few months of food and lodging. We got it mostly so we wouldn't look poor.
F1: What should we do now?
J: Ummm... What were you supposed to do after you got rich?
G: Didn't you say you had planned everything already?
J: Yeah, I totally know! I just have to remember...
J: Mmm...
Z: You obviously haven't planned that far.
J: SHHH! I'm remembering!
G: How about we go to the-?
J: Government office! That's it!
G: I was going to say bar, but yeah, sure.
F6: Where to?
J: All roads lead to government. Duh.
F3: I don't think that's a very useful answer.
J: Funny you say that.
Z: The office is pretty much guaranteed to be near the town centre,
 so we should go there.

And there they went.
The architecture changed as they got there.

F2: Wow, these houses are really big!
Z: Correct, there seems to be a large separation between social classes.
J: Plebs, royalty and nothing else. All according to keikaku.
F4: What?
J: Why can't you have culture!?
F6: Because I'm a week old?
J: Ugh, FINE!
F4: Wait, I think I saw some more normal buildings on the way.
J: No you didn't.
Z: Yes he did.
J: Ugh, you and your details! Okay, SOME minions have it better off.
G: Don't you think people are looking at us kinda weird?
Z: Because they are giant foxes talking to no one?
J: Well, what are they gonna do!? Just say it's telepathy if they ask.
Z: It isn't technically wrong...
J: Oh, that building looks important. How about we pay it a visit?
F2: Yeah, but there are plenty of other buildings like it.
 How do you know it's that one?
G: Well, It's bound to have a sign somewhere,
 so how about you get a bit closer?

They approached the building, since the opposite would have been weird.

J: See? It says 'Administrative centre' right there.
 And it's on plain English!
F3: That's oddly vague.
Z: Just your typical paper centre.
F6: How do you know what's in here anyways?
J: Pfft. You see one and you've seen them all.
 Even if it was called the theatre it would be the same thing.
F4: But wouldn't a building like that do something diff-
J: Enough dumb questions!
 Faber, I need you to walk into the building with the group,
 and ask when you can give your tributes.
F6: Did a loved one die?
Z: No. It's a common euphemism.
F2: For what?
G: Well, you pay them or you will be the one getting the tributes.
F2: So, can I give them a fish or something?
Z: No, they only accept that "quid" thing.
J: Anyways, we're here to hypnotize a public worker,
 and a taxman will do just fine.
G: Hey, the man probably has a life!
Z: That is debatable.
J: I'll need to use Faber's eyes while he carries out the transaction,
 for the hypnotism thing.
F1: I guess this is fine.

And there they went. Since they looked important, the queue wasn't very long.

42: Gentlemen. What do you need?
F1: We would like to report our income. *stare*
J: Keep talking while I do the thing!
42: Uh, source of income?
F1: After arriving to this settlement,
 we headed towards a pawn shop near the sea,
 where we decided to sell certain goods
 which we had acquired during our travels.
G: You're doing great, keep it up!
42: ...You're an adventurer, right?
F1: Affirmative. We have travelled long distances to get here,
 and have dedicated ourselves to adventure.
 It was in such an adventure that we acquired
 the goods which we sold at the pawn shop.
42: ...A-amount?
Z: It's working. Don't stop now.
F1: During our sales, and as is expected from a pawn shop,
 we were originally presented two thousand quid for our offering.
F1: However, this was a very small sum considering the quality of our items.
 Because we knew this, we negotiated for the sum of five thousand quid,
 which we would like to present to you now,
 as to maintain our financial responsibility and impeccable citizenry.
J: I'm done.
42: ...Sure. You can hand them over.

Economics 101 kids. Just own the taxman.

# Ch.26: Standard medieval fantasy

Thanks to Jack's advanced persuasion techniques, the
FFFF  OOO  X   X EEEE  SSSS
F    O   O  X X  E    S
FFF  O   O   X   EEE   SSSS
F    O   O  X X  E         S
F     OOO  X   X EEEE  SSSS
Were charged only one quid. Then they left the building.

F4: Couldn't we get in trouble for that?
J: Nah, we just got the VIP discount.
 That guy must have been hypnotized dozens of times.
F3: Why did you do it?
J: You see, if we need to kill the gods,
 it's a start to infiltrate their pawns.
Z: The bigger question is why you didn't ask earlier.
F4: I mean, he gets angry sometimes...
J: And yet you continue to piss me off, so that isn't an excuse.
F1: I guess orders are orders, so there is no point in asking questions.
G: This isn't the military, you know. We value your support.
J: No we don't.
G: You know that's wrong.
G: If you know what you're doing, you will be able to do it better,
 so feel free to ask us about anything.
F6: In that case, can I have a cookie?
J: YOU-
G: Sorry, but we can't give you any of them right now.
Z: Try to answer your own questions before asking someone else.
F6: Can we buy some then?
J: Ugh, sure. I'll be looking up stuff in the taxman's brain,
 so do whatever you want. Just don't go back to the slums.
F2: Wouldn't that knock him out?
J: He would have a workplace nap.
 Anyways, I've got to concentrate, so bye-bye.

They went to a store after that.

F3: Do you have newspapers?
1234: This is a bakery, sir.
F6: Do you have cookies?
1234: What kind of cookies?
F6: Chocolate chip cookies.
1234: How many?
F6: Hmmm...
G: Please don't overspend our budget.
F6: One hund-

F4 closed F6's mouth.

F4: Twelve! We'll have twelve.
1234: That'll be twenty quid.
F1: Here you go.
F2: Thanks, nice lady!
1234: Thanks to you.

Then they left.

F6: These cookies aren't really good.
F2: Yeah, it like they're lacking something.
F3: I think they're just bland.
F2: Where do we go now?
G: I dunno, what do you think?
F3: I still would like having a newspaper.
G: Then how about we go to the general store?
F4: I guess that would be nice.

They got a newspaper. After that, they went to the park and sat on the grass.
F3: Apparently, today is Tuesday, three twelve.
G: It's good to know weekdays are the same.
Z: For all we know, it could be Tuesday every day.
F2: What are all those weird letters? I don't understand any of it!
F1: It must be the local dialect. I don't get it either,
 but the important parts are translated to Common.
Z: That's a language name?
F1: Yes, the Common language.
G: Alright, even I find that super lame.
F1: I don't know how it came about, but it's what everyone uses.
F6: So Filbert knows common?
F3: Of course.
F4: Wait, you don't know?
F2: Nope. F5: Nah. F6: No?
G: So they teach Common but not English...
F2: Does it have any more news?
F3: Let's see... Bread shortage, war in the east...
Z: Or as 'A' would like to say, west.
J: That's right, west!
Z: Weren't you working?
J: My ears don't turn off just because I'm looking up stuff, you know.

There wasn't much else of importance on the newspaper.

F6: I'm hungry.
G: Hi hungry, I'm 'C'!
F2: That was terrible!
Z: Ditto.
F4: Can we buy lunch? It should be better than the MREs.
G: Sure!
F5: By the way, isn't 'A' taking awfully long?
G: You're right, let me ask.
G: How are you doing 'A'?
J: FUCK OFF!
G: He seems busy.

Jack kept typing angrily at his keyboard. Peak interface.
Meanwhile, the Heretek Abhumans went to a restaurant,
 and were reading the menu.

G: How about "Two number nines, a number nine large"...
F2: Two noodles and a large noodle?
Z: Forget it. It was a bad joke.

So rancid: They can't even get the jokes right. One star.

G: There's tomatoes and pesto, tomato sauce and pesto;
 tomato with pasta; tomato pesto with pasta-
Z: Just shut up.
F1: I think they are different kinds of pasta, but yes.
F2: Well, I'll want *those* noodles!
G: And we'll need to learn Common.

They ordered spaghetti, panzerotti and tea, among some other things.
Even if they served pasta, every restaurant had to have tea.

J: DID I HEAR SOMEONE ORDER TEA!? THAT DISGUSTING DRINK!?
Z: Not everyone likes the same things. Also go back to work.
J: Nah I'm finished.
G: And what did you find?
F5: That guy is definitely getting fired.
J: Getting useful data from him was a tough bitch, but I got plenty of things.
 But seriously, that shit will ruin your teeth.
F3: How about some "cola" then?
J: How about some water, EH!?
Z: Weren't you talking about your findings?
J: Oh yeah, after some searching,
 I found out that some "emperor" guy comes every once in a while.
J: Allegedly, he can speed-dial the deceivers
 while the local despot has no such benefit.
J: Which fucking blows if you think about it,
 because now we will have to chase around a goddamn ghost!
Z: You're swearing quite a lot today.
J: And you aren't my mom, SO FUCK OFF!
F6: And what else did you get?
J: *sigh* There are many emperors per continent.
Z: Hold on, let me check.

Zack pulled out a map.

Z: It's right. I did not notice the dotted lines last time.
G: Wow, I thought they were continental plates!

After a bit of discussion, the Vulpes sapiens got their plates.
Or were they Homo vulpes? Homo sapiens vulpes?

F4: Actually, I think this tastes worse than the MREs.
F6: Mmmm... Yeah, it's awful.
F3: This is the most tasteless thing I've tasted,
 if that makes any sense.
F2: Can I leave?
J: Nuh-uh! You bought it, you eat it!
F2: But Faber paid!
J: Don't. Care.
Z: I think that the food's tastelessness is
 derived from it's lack of corporeality.
F5: Come again?
Z: You are made of altered matter. The food you normally eat is altered matter.
 This is not altered matter.
G: In other words, the food you had lacked the special touch.
F5: And this was a gourmet restaurant!?
G: Yes, I'm afraid that cheaper food tastes even worse.
F4: My stomach aches just from thinking about that...
J: And it definitely would, so it's an accurate take. Now eat up.

After downing the pasta and miscellanea, they were handed the bill.

621: That'll be one-hundred and eighty quid, sir.
F1: Uh... sure.

Then they left.

F6: Wasn't the cash supposed to last for months?
G: Well, we just observed trading between the not-so-well-off,
 which means we may have gotten our data wrong.
F5: If what you say is true, I'll burn down this city before eating cheap food.
J: That's the spirit!
Z: That still doesn't solve our money problem.
J: If things are that bad, they might as well sleep on the grass.
 It's cheaper and healthier!
F4: I think I'd still like having a roof over my head.
J: Then how about a tent?
F2: Wouldn't that be rather silly on a city?
F3: You said that we had to look high class.
J: Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
 Let's get some money at the adventurer's guild then.
F5: You must be making that up.
G: Have you ever read a medieval fantasy story?
F5: No.
G: Uh, well. The point is that this is a one-to-one copy of that,
 so there's bound to be an adventurer's guild somewhere in here.

And there it was.
They came, they saw, and they uhh, looked at the bulletin board?

J: Look for something about killing monsters somewhere far away for lots of money.
F3: That one is from another city.
J: Not that far! We just don't have to be seen!
F4: Um, that one then? It says twenty thousand quid.
G: Seems fine to me!

Then they went to the counter.

F3: We would like to take on this quest.
101: May I see your licenses then?
J: KEEP HIM BUSY!

Decisive victory. Or so it went.

# Ch.27: A job well done

After "convincing" the man at the counter to give them a license,
 the discount furries went to do their job.
Since they weren't going to be seen, they could go with their full gear.
 Inside a smelly sewer. Fortunately they had air filters.

F2: This is awfully big for a sewer.
Z: That just shows you how city planning works in here.
F2: How exactly?
J: You don't need it when everything's made big enough. That's how.
F3: I wonder the cost of all this.
G: I guess that isn't a problem when you're the king.
J: Anyways, shitty planning and dubious waste policy has led to mutant gators.
 So clean them up.
F6: Wouldn't killing them make more of a mess?
J: Just do as the contract said. We got rid of the poison rounds.
J: Hold on.... What the hell, just dump the poison into the water,
  that should be faster.
G: What about the citizens?
J: Citizens schmitizens. We're here for the money.

Then they dumped a shitload of poison into the water.

J: Now for the second part, tear apart their heads so they pay us.
Z: Since they're mutants, beware that they may play dead.
F4: Uh, thanks for the advice!

Fortunately, the sewers had passageways,
 so they didn't have to swim everywhere.

F2: Why are there alligators in here anyways?
J: Little Timmy must have flushed them down the toilet.
F5: And how could he get away with it?
G: "Down the toilet, not my property!" Or something like that.
F1: I find that very irresponsible from part of the citizens.
J: Because anyone responsible would get the fuck away from this dump,
 And we're being paid to solve THEIR fuckup. So nothing wrong here.
F4: But isn't then this quest good for everyone?
J: Ignoring everyone who lost their wives and wallets, sure!
F4: I'll just shut up.
F3: They say a closed mouth gathers no fist, or sewage water in this case.
F2: Ew!

Then, a giant, mutant alligator appeared.
However, it was weakened by the poison so it didn't catch them by surprise.
 Only reptiles were harmed.

G: I guess that should cover it. How about we call it a day?
F5: Definitely.
F1: As you say.

After rinsing off, they claimed their bounty and left for some lodging.
The lodging was rather expensive, of course.

F3: We'll need a room for six.
999: We don't have such things in here. How about two rooms for four?
F3: And how much would that be?
999: Two-hundred forty quid with no breakfast.
G: *Gasp* No breakfast?
Z: It's fine. Get two but sleep in the same room.

They got to their room. F6 fell on one of the beds.

F6: I shouldn't have done that.
F2: Why not?

F2 laid on the same bed.

F2: Ah! This is an awful mat!
J: That just shows you how bad they are.
 They can't even get their beds right.
F6: Can we sleep now?
F1: It's four o' clock.
J: Which means no!
F4: What else do you want from us today?
G: How about anything you have to say?
F4: Well, in that case...
F5: Why didn't you save us the trouble and hypnotize everyone?
J: You needed field training.
F5: That's it?
J: Suck it.
G: Apart from that, some things just have to look legit,
 because we can't really "convince" all the witnesses.
J: Maybe I could, but I wouldn't because pulling it off would be tough.
F2: Oh, and what about that time at the pawn shop?
J: Social training.
Z: His hypnosis was still in the making.
J: Shut up!
F4: By the way, why did you get two rooms?
G: That's because if some assassins come during the night,
 there will be a fifty percent chance that they fail anyways.
Z: Also, we still have to look rich.
F4: I think the second explanation makes more sense.
J: By the way, I'll still be using the taxman's brain.
G: That poor guy...
J: That's what he gets for taxing other people's... Ferrets?

Yes, ferrets.

J: Is that an industry here?
G: Yep, ferrets and cashmere.
J: Just... Leave it at that, ok?
J: The thing is, that I could use him to get his superiors,
 and they would get me to the king,
 and If I made a big enough ruckus with the king,
 we could get the emperor.
F6: How exactly?
J: That's where you come in.
J: He's gonna have some mental defenses of course,
 but we can wear them down.
J: When we find out were he is, you help us possess him, understood?
F5: Well that sounds rather epic.
F4: And rather risky...
G: We'll try to make it epic without the whole "dying" part.
J: But hey, sometimes you just need to start crying. Because you got stabbed.
F4: Can we change the discussion?
Z: You should try teaching Common.
F2: Yeah, not being able to read is kind of a bummer.
F3: It's not good for our image either.
J: Then start teaching!
F3: I would need a marker.
J: Use the backpack, you asshat!

After getting supplies from their rucksacks,
 they had classes until going to sleep.

G: By the way, could you cover up that wall with the sign?
F2: The one that says 'Fourth wall'?
G: Yes, It's been creeping me out.
F2: Ok.

Such a tragedy! The audience won't see them sleep.
 Although that would have made them look like creeps.
The next day, they had some MRE breakfast.

Z: I never thought that someone would ask
 me for an MRE in place of a prepared meal.
F5: Well, I simply do not want to try the breakfast deal.
J: And neither would I pay for it, so well done!
F2: So, what are we gonna do today?
Z: We are going to the sewers, again.
F3: But why?
J: It's a surprise!
F4: You scare me when you say that.
F6: Can you tell us pwease? (OwO)
G: Awww...
Z: We will try out some anti-magic.
J: You're ruining the fun!
Z: I couldn't resist that face.

And there they went, back again.
 They did their daily workout while on the way.

F6: What now?
J: Well, you remember how the newspaper
 grayed everything while out of the ship?
F4: Yes, it was kinda weird, but I didn't think to comment of it.
J: Well, now we would like to try out some things.
J: Try summoning a fireball.

They did.

F1: I am awaiting instructions.
J: Just stand there while we summon destruction.
F4: Wait, what?

The flames were snuffed out.

J: A most excellent outcome. Mwahahaha.
F3: What did you do?
Z: Check your pockets, there should be a book.
F2: Here it is!
 'The One Lie
   _______
    ||
    || /\
    || \/
    ||____ 

 Ironic edition'?
J: Written by me!
G: You may not want to read it, unless you're someplace safe to collapse.
F6: Is it that bad?
G: If it's half as bad as the original, yes.
J: Anyways, we are here to test how much a text can alter this place.
 You can enjoy the book later.

They tested the strength and range of the text,
 which turned out work up to a radius of about 3403 attoparsecs,
 or one football pitch.

J: Wow, fortunately everyone is too poor to use magic in here.
 Now you can relax if you want. Or read my book, it is very nice.
G: Don't trust him when he says that.
F1: I think I will read it.
Z: You may want a lot of beer, because I did.

At least it wasn't the 'cheap fanfic' kind of bad.
 It was the kind of evil you couldn't help but take seriously,
 until you inevitably woke up naked in the middle of the street.

# Ch. 28: Strategic seating

F1 was shook after reading ten percent of the book.

F6: Are you fine? You're shivering a bit.
F1: To be h-honest, not really.
J: What a loser, you didn't even finish!
F1: H-how about we go back to the inn?
G: Yeah, sure thing.

After returning to the inn, F1 sat on F6's lap.

F6: Shhh, it's ok.
J: I want you to think long and hard about it, then make your own conclusions.
F1: Can I conclude that nothing occurred?
Z: Do not make us answer that.
F3: At least what I see is that Freya would be a good mother.
F6: I just like hugging vulnerable people. It reminds of me.
F5: More like a good smother, amirite?

Crickets.
Not literally of course, as it wasn't the right season.

F3: Just in case, what would be our next mission?
G: You can relax for now. Strip bare if you want.
F4: Really?
J: Yes, just wait a few days while we infiltrate the commission.
F5: Don't mind if I do then.

F5 started pulling off his clothes.

G: First close the curtains, man!

They all stripped down.

F2: Wow, it's kinda hot in here.
Z: Since it gets more sun that the island, it should be.
F6: How didn't we notice earlier?
Z: Active suit refrigeration?
F5: And what in damnation is that supposed to mean!?
Z: *sigh*

After a bit of discussion, the furry creatures got AC.

Z: You should eventually adapt and shed your fur.
J: And leave a mess on the carpet? They're good like this.
F6: So, I saw some fox-people, but they were super tiny. Why's that?
J: Because you're tall as fuck.
Z: You are about half a metre taller than an average man,
 while even more so with fox-people.
F4: But aren't we the same species?
G: Not really. You're more like cousins.
Z: Remember we derived you from literal foxes,
 while normal fox-people are just born that way.
J: I'm pretty sure that normal fox-folk don't smell for example,
 Or at least not as bad as you.
F2: I didn't see anyone run away...
J: That's because the suits are airtight.
 Now they aren't renting this room to anyone else.
G: I guess that's a strategical advantage though.

After training around for a day or two, (They weren't NEETs)
 The featherless bipeds did some infiltration too.

J: Alright, finally! The day has come!
F6: Friday has come?
J: That's beside the point!
J: A managed to get a hold on a mole who could talk directly with the king,
 and I gave you a very good referral.
F5: Sounds nice.
J: you will be going to the capital for some
 disgusting tea with the disgusting king.
G: By the way, are you OK, Faber?
F1: Yes. I finished reading too.
J: What if I told you it wasn't a work of fiction?
F1: I wouldn't know what to answer.
F6: When are we going anyways?
G: Apparently, we should be on our way in about ten minutes.
F4: How?
Z: News travel fast when you are important.
 There should be a carriage in front of that building.
F4: And why didn't you tell us earlier!?
J: It was five minutes ago, cut me some slack.
G: They can wait a bit, but please dress up fast.
J: And before that, you have get some supplies we left at the beach.
F2: So we just go to the beach naked?
J: UGH!

Miraculously,
 they managed to get everything done while making the
 carriage wait only a slightly insulting amount of time.
After that, they went on their way.
The carriage went surprisingly fast. Car fast.

F2: How do the horses go so fast?
14: I'm afraid that's a trade secret, miss.
F3: And how do we not feel the bumps in the road?
14: That's also a trade secret, mister.
Z: Such secrecy is an insult to science.
J: Calm your tits! No one cares about science in here.
 Also, you foxes remember that we don't exist, and nobody likes questions,
 so shut the fuck up.
F2: :-(
G: Don't be so mean.
J: I just say what they need to hear.
G: Have you explained the plan to them?
J: Uhhh...

Master strategist forgets to tell the plan to his followers.
The requirements of such a statement are not fulfilled.

G: You'll need the supplies we gave you at the beach.
 First, there is a bottle filled with a "special cocktail".
Z: It's harder than two-hundred proof because of the opioids.
G: You'll offer some drinks to the king,
 since being drunk will make his defenses go down.
G: So as to not fall with him,
 you'll eat some antitoxin snacks before leaving the carriage.
Z: They have naltrexone, thiamine and caffeine in them.
G: Apparently his place is fitted out with altered matter,
 so no one will see what we did as long as nothing goes wrong.
J: With emphasis on the "If you don't fuck it up".
 Just keep up the small-talk while I do my job and we should be fine.
G: If you understood please nod-
J: You fool! We can read their minds!

They later went to the king's room for a casual meeting.
Nominally tall, with some gold, and a presence that unintentionally appalled.
 At least for people who didn't like royalty, that is.

K306: Good evening, sirs!
F1,F3-5: Good evening.
K306: Hahaha! And ladies too!
F2&6: Good evening.
K306: *sits down* A fellow man of me recommended you,
 and as I can already tell, you don't dissapoint.
F1: Of course sir, how could good servants fail?
K306: Nay, for they would stop being good.
F3: A most astute observation.
K306: He said you would bring me some "exotic gift"
F5: But again of course sir. Here it is, a drink from our lands.
F4: It would be most honourable if you were to share it with us.
K306: And I definitely will, but before let me ask from where you are.
F6: Oh, his majesty, we are from far up north,
 raised from the lands around the great lake of yore.
K306: Ah, the far north, such a far away place.
 Most will say that we are enemies with the great expanse,
 but the truth is that we only mind those who attack us.
K306: Wouldn't it be mad to blame infinities of men for the folly of the few?
F3: But of course, his wise majesty. May we share a drink?
K306: Cheers. *clink*
 May I then ask, why have you come here?
F2: It's very simple sir,
 our king wanted to make sure that we would be on good terms with you.
K306: Why then, didn't he come to see me?
F3: As you know, the travel here is long and risky.
 Even with his powers, he could not leave the land nor risk his life.
K306: The more powerful you are, the more people will rely on you.
K306: It makes sense then, to place the load on those down below.
F1: I must say, you're a very sharp man. Another drink?
K306: But of course! *drinks another shot* Mmmm... This is very strong.
F2: Does his majesty find something wrong with the royal gift?
K306: No, of course not!
 As a royal life is more relied upon, it must not risk itself.
F3: We are glad that you could understand, your majesty.
F4: We have this one all the time on our place.
K306: In that case, you can hold your drinks really well.
F2: Another drink?
K306: Sure.
K306: As I can see, your land has some rather exotic and beautiful people.
 Would any of these be interested in a diner with me?

F6 looked to the side.

K306: Of course, I jest! Where would my manners be in such a case?
F4: Uhh, by the way, you haven't told us your name, his majesty.
K306: I have many names, yet you may know me as Gallant Dale.

Then they got him really drunk.

# Ch.29: Chaos.jpeg

The vulpine creatures kept the king talking while the drugs kicked in.
Then they left.

J: Success!
F6: But we didn't do anything.
Z: While you distracted him,
 we used radio waves to hypnotize the king.
F5: He didn't look very drunk though.
J: Simple, we also used hypnosis so he would seem more sober.
G: Now you may want to get some lodging.
J: Also, drink lots of water, that liquor was nasty.
Z: The antidote was probably nastier.
F4: I feel ill...
J: Don't worry, you'll recover.

They went to get some lodging at the cr^Hapital.

F1: We will need a room for six.
257: A strange request, but we can arrange.
F1: For how much?
257: Six hundred.
G: Six hundred!?
J: Capital prices! We can arrange for the king to give us cash, so pay up.

The room was nicer, but not two point five times nicer.

F6: The beds still suck.
F5: Couldn't we have gotten something better inside the palace?
J: Yes,
 but it's better if we stay far away while we use him to destroy the place.
J: Let me scan the king's brain and I will come up with a plan tomorrow.
G: Just to ask, do you have anything to say?
F2: I liked the building's flag. It was like a long wriggly mouse.
J: Ferrets. One more reason to burn this country down.
F1: I liked the architecture. Very orderly.
J: Would you like matching roof tiles for the price of your soul?
F1: No, sir.
J: Then stop praising it if there's no merit.
Z: It is trivial to make a pretty city if everyone is your employee.
J: Anyways, I'll be working now.
Z: Just do some math while we prepare the next steps.

A while later, on an unidentified steppe...
 A man sits atop a tall tower. to his surprise, he is chained to the ground.
 As much as the dull bricks may rise, they will never reach the skies.
 Moreover, the great weight makes the foundations crack.
 A old man in robes comes from the floor below.
 From his chained chair, the king can only stare.

J: Leathers and steel, how does a turn in that feel?
 *Why the fuck am I speaking in rhyme? Anyways just roll with it*
K306: What do you mean?
J: I see that you have problems seeing yourself. How about a stare?

Jack showed him a mirror.

K306: I think you're wrong there, as I only gave order.
J: Order my ass. To think that you would need a disorder.
 But I'm not here for that, since in this world you can do what you want.
 I'm here to ask about times long past.
K306: How far back?
J: The time you were called "Johannes Troy".
K306: How did you know?
J: People like me can see far back and high up. Don't you think?
K306: Sure thing.
J: Normally I would kill you and call it a day,
 but you're enough of a small fry-
K306: Me? Oh my.
J: Yes, you insignificant ant. I had to look you up.
J: Answer before the things you did, and you may have a chance to live.
J: And you will be sincere, because here only truth will be seen.
K306: In such a case, why don't we just start?
J: Ugh. What happened with the nuclear ban?
K306: A very dangerous tool of destruction.
 It had to be prohibited, for the good of the inhibited.
J: Uh-huh. How about the glider crackdown?
K306: A most violent group. It was a hard choice,
 but for the rest, a few innocents went down.
J: Mmm. Yeah right. I knew someone who knew them, you know?
K306: Which side were you on?
J: Fuck off.
 Now, does the thirteenth of May ring a bell?
K306: Hmm... I went to a tea house?
J: Bullshit.
K306: Alright, I signed some papers at a tea house.
J: Go on...
K306: Aimed to improve the living quality of the downtrodden.
J: YOU!
K306: Do you see anything wrong with free healthcare and free housing?
 For all I know, you're the one that's wrong.
 A devil in the flesh, born to corrode what we all have built.
 Against the gifts society gives, you've spat upon it.
 Like a plague, rejecting our timeless truths, while corrupting the youth.
 You are the chaos that our fathers warned against, and to what end?
 In the dirt you live, wishing for the world that wouldn't be.
 Tell me, what you've achieved?
J: *INHALE*
J: WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG, NO YOU, AND FUCK YOU!
J: Anyways, I'm death and you're the one that's gonna be dead,
 or at least severely lobotomized, any last words?
J: Oh wait, I forgot. I had said that I'd pull your skin off,
 so you will have plenty of words.
K306: Words are wasted in those who will not hear.
J: HAHAHAHA! Now I really want to hear you scream.

And so, the psycho proceeded to torture the king.
 Highly family-friendly content we will not focus on.
Now, some maths later...

J: I'm done. Things went well.
G: Let me see then.
G: ...
Z: *Looks at screen* At least he does this only towards his enemies.
  But next time, I should do it.
J: Fine, you may have your turn.
G: You're like living heresy, jesus!
F2: What did you see?
G: He pulled out his skin and... Ugh.
J: No mercy for the unclean.
Z: Typical of you, though you weren't very clean either.
J: I can leave a mess out of the one who leaves a mess!
F6: *shudders*
F4: I-I don't think that I'll be able to sleep now.
Z: You are not 'A's enemy, so he will probably let you be.
F4: Probably!?
G: Just relax, ok? He just likes to... You'll be fine.
Z: I may not approve, but I put up with him.
G: Tomorrow will be another day, so how about we pretend this never happened?
J: Never forget! This is what our enemies deserve!
F4: ...Ok?
J: Now fall asleep or you'll see it with me!
F4: OK!

F4 quickly got on his bed and played dead.
The others followed suit.
The next they they awoke to the sound of someone knocking on their door.

F2: What is it?
789: One million quid from the king.
F2: ...Could you leave it here?
J: See? He paid the deed.
Z: You made him pay the deed.
J: Shhh!

After that encounter, and banter, the renards got a car.

F6: What's that outside?
Z: An armoured fighting vehicle.
J: It was a pain in the ass to bring it here, so be thankful.
G: It comes with some supplies you'll need, so you should go see it.

They saw the vehicle.
 It was a modified M2 Bradley plastered with standards and cloth.

F3: It looks rather exotic.
J: Having it look normal would be more suspicious.
F5: And a big cottonball isn't?
G: Not really. There are quite a few carriages that look like this.
Z: You should get the crates we left in there, and bring them to the king.
F5: Wait, seriously? He will receiving?
J: Would you rather fight the steel-melting, building-demolishing,
 kitty-crushing emperor yourself?
F5: Yes?

Jack used F5's hand to make him facepalm.

J: Bad fox! Just bring the boxes with decorative locks.
F1: Now we should go to the palace?
Z: No. To the Castle of Dazzle.
F2: That's a weird name for a castle.
J: You'll figure out why. Also put on some sunglasses.

Then they went to the castle.
It was an oddly shaped contraption of mirrors and crystal,
 with no regard for human (or mammal) eyes.

"Physics? I'm the king, bitch!" And so it was built.

# Ch.30: A tactical retreat

The four-limbed, furred, and absurdly tall foxes entered the castle.
There, the king was waiting alone, wearing a very try-hard mantle.

K306: Did you bring it?
F5: Yeah, no shit.

They gave him the crates.

K306: Let me show you some thing.

And there they went. To the deepest floor of the castle.

K306: Officially, you gave me some cocktail, but we all know that isn't it.

The king opened the crates. There were guns.

K306: Here I will have some "fun" with the emperor, just so you don't have to.
F6: It's a bit underwhelming when you say it like that.
K306: It's better if I handle the brass, after I saw the light.
F4: You mean torture?
J: Hey, two plus torture equals five.
J: I also tore out some chunks of his brain and rewired others,
 just in case, you know.
K306: You can go now, and see tomorrow.

After that, they went into the Bradley.
 Unlike a normal Bradley, its interior had the three C's:
 Clean, Comfortable and Conditioned.

G: I hope you like the interior, Since we'll be use it for plenty of missions.
F2: Where are we going now?
J: To the east! This instant!

Since a pool of slime didn't give a dime about torque,
 the foxes were suddenly thrown back.

F2: Ow! What was that for?
J: I got bored.
F5: Jackass.
F3: How much time does this place have before it is no more?
Z: That is uncertain, but I estimate that around a week or so.
F4: Why are we in such a hurry then?
G: 'A' gets restless sometimes. That's how he is.

Jack just keeps piling on disorders. Amazing.

J: I didn't like the place, that's it.
F5: If you keep roughing us up like this, I'm going to quit!
J: You can't.
F5: Ah, I forgot about that. I'm just going to lay down for a while.
G: It's fine if you relax.
F5: I do it out spite!
G: I'm sorry if it's a bit cramped, but we couldn't make a heavier tank.
F6: Why not?
Z: Any more, and the average bridge would collapse.
F3: So, how do we not feel the bumps in the road? As much?
Z: The Bradley has active suspension, so the floor and wheels always match.
F6: And how's that?
Z: A sensor detects the bumps on the road,
 and some servos make sure the wheels are pushed back.
F2: And what's a servo?

The kits kept asking while they kept on trucking.
After a few hours, they reached a mountainous border.
 The f o x e s were looking through some binoculars.

F5: That's a lotta monsters.
F6: They look like a bunch of tentacles.
J: That gives me some ideas...
G: NO! BAD BUNNY!

Jack was smacked with a newspaper.

F3: Why do so many beasts surround the mountains?
J: They're naturally enforced borders!
 Why bother to protect your place, when the land has guards?
F4: I don't think that I would be around something with that many arms.
Z: When you are a king, you can decide the details of the land.
F2: Wait, so that means...
J: You bet, and we will be going in.
F4: What!? Can't we just go around it?
Z: Yes, but that would lengthen our trip.
J: Just get the mortar. Everything will be fine.

Lies.
They shelled the creatures, and the not-foxes died.
Ok, they weren't lies.

G: That was easy.
J: Pshhh, everyone knows that mortar beats tentacle.
Z: That doesn't sound like a likely battle.
J: It's common knowledge.
F2: Aren't you a bunch of tentacles?
J: No! We are slime with the occasional tentacle!
 Not some baseline filth!
J: Now, get on the car, or I'll leave you with them.

Since they didn't want to get tentacle'd, they did.
A few monsters had survived having the shells fall,
 and tried to attack the Bradley.
 Fortunately, tentacle beating 25mm autocannon wasn't likely.
They managed to get through the mountain pass
 without getting the vehicle overly covered in guts.
To the other side, there was a town-sized fortress.
 The kind that would make billionaires look homeless.

G: The hell?
J: 'B', I need the map, could you help?
Z: Sure.

A map fell on Jack's head.

J: ...
Z: Let's see...
F4: Is this bad?
Z: Probably yes, since we broke into a fortress.
G: That's a kingdom?
Z: It just reads 'Klingon'.
J: Who would pick such a stupid name? Anyways, let's make some lemonade.
F6: That would be nice. Do we have lemons?
J: *facepalm but Star Trek style*
Z: I think he wants us to get closer.
G: How about that parking lane then?

Of course, the entrance had a parking lane.
 They tried to park the car American style.

Z: Back up.
G: Easy, easy.
J: Keep going.
F3: I think that-

They turned over a statue.
 They did NOT crumple the back containers though.

J: Perfect.
F5: Heh.
F1: Did I miss a joke?
G: Why do you have to be such a jerk whenever possible?
J: Because that's what they deserve. And much, much more.
F2: Many more statues tipped?
J: Ugh.
Z: Now we should visit the local ruler.
F4: But what if he just kills us!?
F5: Or puts us in the gaol?
J: Hmmm... You have a point.
F4: YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT THIS JUST NOW!?
J: Me? Nooo, I totally figured it out. Just let me remember...
Z: How about we transfer them into disposable avatars?
J: That... Could work!
F3: But how wo-

They were knocked out.
They awoke next to their bodies.
They stared at their bodies.

F4: A-am I dead?
J: No, silly dog. We just moved over your minds to a new body!
G: Maybe you should stop playing god?
J: No, because it has worked!
 Anyways, now you are handling some slime-copies of you bodies.
F3: That is rather morbid.
F6: I feel a bit sluggish.
Z: Swapping your bodies has plenty of disadvantages,
 but overall reduced the risk.
J: Moreover, now we can hide guns in your bodies!
F2: What?

F6 sank her hand into her body, and pulled out the modified FN-D.

F5: I must admit, that looks fun.
F2: Did you just get shorter?
J: Conservation of volume and all that.
 Now go kill that guy.
Z: We will handle the details, so focus on not looking bad.
F2: Don't we look kinda weird right now?
G: Eh, as long as you don't sink your hand into your ear,
 you should look normal on the surface.
Z: We added a high-density layer in case he has x-rays.
J: Yeah, everything is great, so get out!

The foxes were kicked out of the car.
They walked into the fortress, where every door opened.

F5: This isn't very safe if they open the doors anyways.
F4: Can't you see? He knows we're here, and he's inviting us in.
F2: I do wonder, how do they keep this place dust free?
J: Magic. They ain't got to explain shit.

The final door opened, and they were left in a throne room.
 The guy really looked like a Klingon.

E4: Welcome to my realm, visitors. I'm lord Klingon.
 Emperor of the metallic kingdoms.
J: Oh shit, he was an emperor!
G: Just, keep being formal, and we'll figure something out, ok?
F1: My lord,
 we adventurers are grateful to have stumbled
 upon such a place as is your majesty's.
 Please forgive us if this this arrangement displeases your excellence,
 for we reached this place with no malice.
E4: Contrary to that, I am very pleased to see such a sudden visit.
E4: Only few adventurers have skills so exquisite,
 that they can surpass this mountain pass.
F1: I am honored to hear such praise from milord.
E4: Tell me, how did you achieve the might to
 avoid the blight that surrounds my fortress?

Oh man, It's stalling time.

# Ch.31: yacc: Yet another castle conquered

The dogs with cat OS entered a a large dining room.
Like the rest of the castle, it was made of gilded marble,
 and only moderately oversized.
They were served lobster thermidor au crevettes with a mornay sauce served in
 a provencale manner...  And more pasta.

F1: You deserve our utmost gratitude for
 providing us with such a luxurious meal,
 dear emperor.
E4: Oh,
 but not rewarding you after such achievement would have been a greater error!
Z: His error was letting us enter.
F6: *This doesn't taste like anything at all please help*
G: Just wait for a few minutes and thing will get better. I swear.
J: But throw up and you won't leave at all.
 Wait a second... There. Removed your vomiting reflex.
G: You see, our slime package didn't come with taste.
F4: *AND YOU'RE TELLING US NOW OH GOD WHAT IS THIS PASTE*
J: You just can't feel the taste! How bad can it be?
F5: *This texture is the worst thing my mouth will probably ever feel*
E4: How do you find the meal?
F1: Most excellent sir. It has a very refined combination of ingredients.
F1: *Please free us from our suffering*

They could not make the plan work faster, so they had to suffer.
 For a few minutes.
Fortunately, the emperor,
 who sat at the other end of the table with his own salt shaker,
 started feeling the plan of our favourite world-breakers.

F1: Are you alright, sir?
E4: Sure... I think... The food was... A little bad.
Z: All according to plan. Now make him look to the side.
F1: By the way, what time is it?
E4: Oh... *turns head*
J: NOW SHOOT THAT BITCH!
E4: It's-

The emperor was shot with extreme prejudice.

J: DON'T STOP!

They kept shooting for around 3 seconds.

J: Alright enough.
Z: I didn't expect it to work.
J: That just shows sarin gas is the friend that never fails.
F4: Is he dead?
G: Nope, just knocked out.
F5: What!? But he looks like goddamn Swiss cheese!
G: Well, emperors can be quite tough.
J: But it fits our agenda. Now we can possess him.
Z: Which should mean me.
J: Yeah, sure.
J: Meanwhile, I will be throwing you back into your bodies.
 That A-OK monsieurs?
F3: What?

He didn't actually care.

Meanwhile, yet another man sits on the throne.
In a room of gold, In a throne also of gold. Very tacky.
A door opens from behind.
Maybe for the first time, nobody knows.
The footsteps of a shadow are heard.
The emperor can't look back.

Z: Evening, mister Kirby.
E4: Who are you? How do you know my name?
Z: Such matters are of no importance.
Z: These are your final times, so only your past deeds will be asked.
E4: Very well then, ask away.
Z: There is science, and then there is sadism. To which you contributed?
E4: Science. Thanks to me, man acquired many appliances.
Z: *approaches* For things to be, first ideas must be free.
 Is that what you did?
E4: Unfortunately, there were too many risks. We couldn't let evil be.
Z: Risks to whom?
E4: The people.
Z: ...
Z: *approaches more* Standards sometimes appear. What did you give?
E4: An eternal system where nobody disappears.
Z: Is progress good?
E4: Of course, yet some things may always stand still.

Zack got pissed at the idea and gave him the lethal injection.

Z: It's over. Complain all you want, but both will not hear.
 Maybe spend your last moments to reflect the past events.
E4: Why change what has always worked?
Z: I can't tell you, because you should know.

From whence it came, the shadow left.

E4: Bollocks... What's the point of progress...
 If you may tear down the world?

The door closed, and yet another man died on the throne.
Malleable gold, always different, yet always the same.
Unrusting, unyielding, undecaying.
The almighty throne, symbol of a god.

Touch fluffy tail.
The foxes awoke to the feeling of having their tails grabbed.

F2: Uh, what?
G: Oh, you're awake. Sorry for grabbing your tail.
F2: No, I guess it's fine.
F5: What, no! Not... Ok keep going.
F6: What happened?
Z: We sent you back to your bodies. Now you should be able to taste,
 smell and such.
F4: Weren't you going to possess that emperor guy?
Z: I already did.
 Now 'A' is doing the heavy lifting and whatever he likes with the body.
G: Let's see... He is sizing him up, looking for something in his bag...
 Is that a chainsaw? Just... Forget it.
F5: How come he can have a chainsaw?
Z: He saw he could get away with it.
F3: Didn't 'C' come up with it first?
G: Now I realize I shouldn't have given him ideas.
Z: *looking at screen* That is some serious bloodthirst.
F1: What else is on your list?
G: Well, you can look around to see if you find anything else interesting.
Z: The place is now filled with neurotoxin, so put on your helmets.
G: And this goes without saying,
 but don't put anything you find in your bodies, alright?

The foxes prowled around the fortress, finding several oddities.
Since the walls were too thick for radio, they went as a team.

F2: Look here! I'm on a pool table!

She was swimming inside of a pool on top of a comically small table.

F6: Heh.
F4: Well, I guess the sign read 'Room of oddities' for a reason.
F3: There is also this 'Sword of Treason', but I don't think that it's usable.
F5: We'll see that. *Grabs sword*
F5: ...
F5: Ugh! This thing is too heavy!
F6: Can I try?
F6: ...
F6: It's too heavy.
 Can we do it at the same time?
Z: Even if you could drag it, that two-tonne sword is useless to us.
F5&6: Awww...

Later, they checked the bedrooms.

F6: *drops in bed* This one is too small.
F6: *drops in another bed* This one is too soft. 
F6: *and another* This one is alright.
F6: *sits in chair* This one-
F4>6: Do you really have to test every piece of furniture?
F2: Can I try the porridge on the table?
Z: No.
F2: Aw.
G: Since 'A' is already taking ages, you may sleep here later if you want.
F5: I think I prefer the truck.
Z: Bradley.
F5: Same thing!

After that, they looked at the master bedroom.

F5: The hell?

Oops, all (rotating) 4-space!

G: I don't think that entering would be a good idea. Just saying.
F3: How about throwing something inside?
F2: Oh, I have some dice!

They threw the dice inside.

F3: Did you see where they went?
F4: How about we just ignore this room? 

I can agree too. Because I am lazy.
After that, they visited the pool room.
It was a room covered in baize, next to 'The amazing maize maze'.

F5: Alright, who keeps coming up with these rooms?

The author.

G: I guess this is what happens when you have too much free space.
F2: And what is this room for?
F1: I think that this is what certain sectors call a "sexnasium".
F2: Oh, so that's why there are white stai-
G: Let's just visit the CORN maze, OK!?
Z: You always overreact to these things.
G: Sorry, but it gets on my nerves.
F5: I may be no holy man, but you're being too much of a prude.
G: DUDE!

The foxes didn't have a strong sense of propriety.

# Ch.32: Border control

After going around the grounds, the sun started to set.

G: So, how are you doing?
J: I'm not done yet. But as much as I hate the bastards, I still have to sleep.
F5: And what takes you so long?
J: Well, I could just kill him and call it a day,
 but there are better ways of making him pay.
F2: Uh, for what?
J: Existing!

Jack, always sadistic.

J: For example,
 I'm in the process of copying all his memories and storing them in the office,
 so I can later take advantage of the intelligence.
F5: Hey, how about a cup of coffee? 
J: WE ARE A LAKE! WE DO NOT EAT COFFEE!
F6: By the way, what do we have for dinner?
Z: MREs.
F3: It would seem we are running out of them.
Z: You could hunt some things.
J: Fashion some tentacle stew?
F4: Please no!
G: We will look for game after we leave this place, ok?

They ate rehydrated air-dried,
 freeze-fried seaweed-spam gnocchi with mushroom sauce and trail mix,
 then went to sleep.
Hold on... I've got a phonecall.
 Uh-huh, yes. What do you mean that isn't a thing?

Anyways, the next day Jack was STILL doing his thing.

F1: When will you be finished, sir?
J: About midday, so I won't have to see you until then!
F3: You seem oddly cheerful.
J: Because you are annoying as fuck. Alsoivegottaworkbye! *runs away*
G: Well, there he goes.
Z: The emperor's mind is to the other side.
J: *from afar* FUCK!

Fortunately, he remembered that he could move the door to his mind realm,
 so he just put it in front of him and left.

F2: So, what should we do now?
F4: Can't we relax for a minute?
Z: We should still go towards the east.
G: Apparently, mister Klingon ruled the kingdoms to the east,
 so we won't be stopping for a while at least.
F5: And what if I have to take a piss?
G: ...We can stop if you need to go to the bathroom.
F6: Can I take this pretty rock I found?

It was a large crystal of feldspar.

Z: No souvenirs.
F6: Pretty please?
G: Well-
Z: No.
F6: Awww...

Then, after stealing a lot of gold and bombarding an exit, they left.
To the other side, there wasn't a single blade of grass.
 Instead the land was covered in Paris green and steel.

F2: Wow...
F4: I guess this place really is full of steel.
Z: And toxins which will get you killed.
F4: *inhale* C-come again? 
G: Yeah... I know this is a pain,
 but I think you will have to do your thing inside.
F2: What? W-where?
Z: We can make a toilet if you need to.
G: The ground is smoother though,
 so maybe we could just speed through?
Z: Sure. But first, you should try giving the car a better disguise.

The Bradley changed its exterior from cloth-covered,
 to angular and slightly less cloth-covered.

G: Well, that should cover it then.
Z: Thanks.
 
After that, it accelerated until it achieved a ludicrous speed.
 it blasted through the steel roads, which sucked anyways. Plus,
 the rat-humanoid-cyborg officer on the road control was too busy
 eating a donutguette to chase down rich people.

*AHEM*
The lands where there is no man.
Where the farms are managed by metallic hands.
Everything handled by one machine, a place utmost pristine.
Where people were changed, to save them from themselves.
Man's folly, the self-fulfilling prophecy.

After having the animale rationabile[citation needed] go to the can few times,
 and breaking several road tolls, they reached the eastern empire border.
It was an even more imposing mountain range, filled with bigger,
 badder monsters.

G: Yeah, I don't think we have enough ammo for that. How about a break?
F3: Definitely. I was starting to get uncomfortable. 
Z: We stopped once for sightseeing so it wouldn't be that stressful.
F4: Seeing that just stressed me more!
F6: It was kinda boring.
F6: By the way, can I have a cookie?
Z: You already asked this.
F6: :3
F5: It's the third, fucking, time! You hungry bitch!
F6: So, can I have a cookie?
Z: It seems you have a severe case of cookie withdrawal.
G: How about you go outside, breathe in fresh air- I mean, put your helmets on,
 and relax for a while? You've earned it after all.
F6: But can I have a coo-
G: And focus on something that isn't cookies? Please, for your own good.

The foxes laid on the un-grass for a while,
 and also did a bit of leisurely exercise.
 Stretches, squats, one-handed press-ups, the usual.

F2: By the way, what are we waiting for?
G: I would like to discuss our next plans with 'A',
 so we're waiting for him to finish.
F4: You know, I think this day has been alright.
 It feels good not to have him screaming-

Jack broke down the door.

J: Ahhh... That was refreshing.
Z: You could have opened the door.
J: And where's the fun in that? You are always such a bore.
J: Anyways, what are we going to do now?
Z: We are trying to cross the border, but there are too many monsters.
J: Hmmm... As much as I would like to use a nuke,
 that wouldn't be the best idea. Is there a river nearby?
G: Well, it's filled with technicolor sludge,
 so calling it a river would be a lie...
J: WHERE, IS, THE WATER!?
G: A bit up north, geez!
J: Very well.

The Bradley suddenly accelerated, leaving our beloved therianthropes behind.

F4: Um... Master?
J: I will come for you shortly, stop whining.
F2: Well, at least he didn't abandon us!
J: Keep making those stupid comments and I will do it for real.
 Also get to laying some mines towards the mountains.

After less than a minute,
 the Bradley arrived to some rift a dozen metres wide,
 containing bright pink water.


J: Alright, how about a turret battery to batter those monsters?
Z: Coming up...

The Bradley extended some tubes towards the rift.

Z: The water here is rich in carotene and fluorescent dye.
F2: Oh! I wanna see!
J: Fine. Just lay down.
F5: Oh fu-

F5 couldn't lay down fast enough, and reappeared on the office.
Since the ground was very rich in steel, they had gotten to work immediately.

F6: That's cool.
J: Good. Now get out.

They were kicked out.

F3: You became quite rude quite quickly.
J: Well, sorry! I had already gotten used to meatbags that didn't talk back.
 But not actually sorry.
F1: May we know what you saw?
J: Guts!
F3: ...May we know what relevant information you acquired?
J: Well, we've got good news and bad news.
F4: Could you start-
J: The good news is that guy was a bitch and a cunt, plus on my list.
 And now he's dead.
G: It's kinda amazing that you just let 'B' take the kill.
J: Well, he was nagging me, and sometimes team spirit is all about sharing!
Z: I must admit that Kirby was a nuisance.
G: I didn't really HATE him, you know. Sometimes you just get stuff wrong.
J: Pshhh. Anyways, you would have bothered me if I didn't, that's it.
F6: Who's Kirby?
Z: Klingon's real name.
F6: Oh.
F4: Weren't we talking about the news?
J: Ah yes... That was everything good.
J: Now, the problem is that while he knew several of the gods,
 but he could only call them one at a time,
 and they wouldn't always answer.
F1: That is quite a drawback.
J: Yeah, but it was one of the first things I knew,
 so that's why I sent you through that shitty punk-punk place.
J: I guess another good thing is all the intel I got from probing his ass.
 In the real world, I would be rich!
F2: Wait, this world isn't real?
J: As far as I know,
 this is world is one huge joke subtracted from
 the VASTLY SUPERIOR substrate that is real life.

Kind of right in many ways. Usually he doesn't seem right in any of them.

F2: W-what?
G: Look, even if this world isn't "the real deal", what you do matters here.
 So don't worry about it.
F2: ...Ok?

Anywaysthischapterisgettingtoolongsoimgonnainsertafunnycommentandleaveitasisbye

# Ch 33. Faux retro Art Deco

After explaining to the anthropomorphic vulpes the punk genre,
 the turrets were finally finished.

Z: I have finishe-
J: Yes, I already know! Just let me fire the goddamn things!
Z: You should automate the turrets first.
J: I already did! You know I can just recycle the turret code, right?
J: Anyways, time for some military might.

Jack pushed his BRGAB (Big Red Generic Activation Button). 
Upon doing so, the turrets got to vapourising everything that moved.
A few Ridley clones with none of the brains got aggroed,
 but they couldn't do much against AA a few kilometres away.
Same goes for the 5-metre giants,
 who could neither tank the 30mm nor the 120mm shells.
Back on the rift, everything was covered in acid mist,
 as it was being pumped dry for propellant and cooling,
 while the floor was caked in salt,
 and the turrets expelled enough nitric acid to
 make the weather almost as bad as London's.
Whatever machine relied on that stream was
 probably giving its owners a heart attack.
Fortunately, and thanks to SCIENCE & ENGINEERING(TM),
 the turrets were adequately supplied and cooled,
 so they could keep firing until it satisfied Jack's mood.
After a few minutes, fifty-foot giants appeared from the mountains.
The foxes, who had already gotten back to the Bradley, got to see.

F5: Oh shit!
F2: Ew! Those are way too many feet!
J: REVERSE THE POLARITY OF THE FLUX CAPACITOR!
 FIRE THE MAIN CANNONS! REDIRECT ALL POWER TO MAIN ENGINES!
Z: Only once of those those statements made sense,
 and they were already doing that.

The XL giants with supernumerary feet approached them at incredible speeds,
 but even if the rounds were of mere steel,
 they couldn't resist the might of 30+120MM STOPPING POWAH,
 9 MILLIMEME NEED NOT APPLY. That and the US's daily ammo budget.
F4 opened his eyes.

F4: W-we didn't die?
J: Of course not, you silly!
Z: That was harder than expected though,
 so I will have to improve the weaponry.
F4: May we cross the border now? I don't like this place.
J: Yeah, yeah, but first, let me destroy the evidence.

The turret battery exploded, leaving only huge holes and mountains of salt.

F3: Was that really necessary?
Z: No.
J: YES!
G: I mean, we can't leave a whole armoury,
 but he could have just turned the turrets into slurry.
J: Recycling boring. Explosions good.
 Now let's see if there's food on the other side.

Guy grabbed Jack's hand before he could floor it.

G: At least let them hold on before accelerating!
G: Has everyone latched on?
F6: I think so-

Jack used his other hand. F6 slipped and hit the walls.

F6: Ow.
J: Five out of six, rather acceptable.
G: You were capable of making it six!
J: That'll teach her pain tolerance, isn't that right, Freya?
F6: Uh, I guess...
G: You could try to stand up for yourself, you know?
F6: I don't really care. You are nice enough most of the time.
F4: Uhhh, nice!?
F6: Actually, can I have a cookie?
Z: Asking again will not make them appear.
F6: But it's what I like...
J: What you like is boring and unhealthy.
F6: Why can't I like cookies?
J: It's not that you like cookies (but also that),
 it's that you don't try anything else!
F6: But I...
J: Don't think that I can't see what you have been thinking,
 every minute of the day dreaming about eating and sleeping!
J: If we didn't order you to do anything, you would be no more than an animal!
F1: That is one great disappointment for master.
J: SHUT THE FUCK UP I DIDN'T ASK YOUR OPINION BOOTLICKER.
F1: ...
F6: ...Can't I-
J: This world has no space for those that don't pull their own weight.
 Never has and never will.
 So you better get off your ass and find something better to aspire.
F5: Oof, I'm glad I got 'C'.
F4: Yeah...

F6 laid her head on F2's lap.

F2: W-wait, why me!?
F6: ...
F2: Uhhh, everything is going to be alright, alright? Just think it through,

F2 stroked her endowed body (courtesy of Jack),
 accidentally passing by her crotch.

F6: Could you just... Rub it in there?
G: Please don't.
J: I don't mind.
Z: I don't mind.
F6: Pwetty pweease?
F2: *sigh* I can't say no to that.

After a trampling several bodies, they crossed the border.
To the other side, thick deciduous forest,
 surrounding improbably dense cities with art deco buildings.

J: Hold on, is that what I think it is!?
Z: It's hard to see.
J: Stop right here! Get the fucking telescope!
F3: I don't think that we have a telescope.
F1: We do have binoculars though.
J: That's enough, stop yapping!

The Bradley got a hundred kilowatt laser- I mean, hundred inch telescope.
 Guy added a few screens inside for the foxes.
Jack observed the art deco in all of its chiseled glory.

J: THE FUCKIN FGHRRS! URRGH!
F2: Wha-?
J: FFFFGRAAHHHH!

The psycho bunny lit up in flames.
 Must have been polyester.

J: *Extreme, superhuman anger noises*
G: Oh shit! Take away the stuff!

Jack spasmed uncontrollably,
 streaming plasma through every organ susceptible to to high blood pressure.
 even the sound of his everything cracking
 under the strain sounded like explosions.
F4 rapidly jumped on top of F2 and F6 and hugged them tightly to feel safer.

F5: THEY'RE JUST SOME BUILDINGS, WHAT THE FUCK!?

The world's slime quivered, rocking the Bradley.
 A great evil had been unleashed. The uneven digits joined the group hug.

F1: Master! P-please calm down!

Jack's EXTREME ANGER caused his body to compress into a one-millimetre,
 glowing white ball. After that, the screaming and kicking died down.

G: Uh, did he just turn into a miniature sun?

Zack put an aquarium on top of the ball,
 so it vapourised its floor and started to cool down.

G: Sorry for that. I didn't know it would happen at all.
Z: Me neither.

The foxes just stared at them (the eyes looking through the wall) like idiots.

G: Did I already say that he's not very stable?
Z: He did talk about it that one time though.
G: I thought it was a joke!
G: Anyways, sorry again.

Just like Orbeez(TM),
 Jack's body recovered upon cooling down
 and absorbing copious amounts of water.

J: Ughhh...
Z: He is back up.
F3: Have those buildings harmed you in some way?
J: ...
F4: I don't think that you should provoke him like that.
J: Yes! I mean, No! It's just...
F3: Go on.
J: It's the fucking irony of it all! People are doing kinda well off,
 so the rich make an overcooked art style to celebrate,
 but even after getting constantly stomped,
 the plebs just can't stop getting their hands on it!
 So they go and say: "Art Deco is no longer chic, EAT GRAY CONCRETE!"
 AND THEY FUCKING FALL FOR IT!
G: I think that you're looking way too much into this.
J:  B-BUT THEN! THEY KEEP THE BUILDINGS!
 BECAUSE ART DECO IS PROGRESS, GUYS!
J: ...I have seen enough of this.
 The fact that it's here just makes it go full circle.
 I'll be unavailable for today.

Jack left.
Note to self: Do not expose Jack to pretentious art.

# Ch. 34: Bar talk

After the incident, the foxes got back to moving.
Since the "Noir" city posed a lung hazard, they moved on to another one.
A relative of mine told me that noir rhymed with Roy. He was disowned.
Upon reaching a city that wasn't covered in fog from all the cigarrete smoke,
 they put on some longcoats,
 as everyone wore them on in spite of the near-coastal, tropical weather.
Then they exchanged their stolen! gold for the country's coins.
You could tell these bankers were serious,
 because the interior walls were plastered with precious foil.

F5: Wow, he wasn't kidding.
878: Is there a problem, sir?
F4: N-no, it's just that it's... so bright!

Fortunately, they had sunglasses.

878: That is correct.
 We proud ourselves in providing a polished and clean look to our customers.

He handed them over a bag of coins across the jewel encrusted,
 excessively lit counter.

878: The coins you gave us were legitimate. Please enjoy your visit.

They booked a suite in a similarly showy hotel, with very tacky toilets,
 as they realized soon.
The suite's toilet consisted of a bone china bowl coated in platinum and gold
 engravings studded with rubies diamonds and emeralds depicting dragons and
 trolls in an epic battle against...*INHALE*...Human troops consisting of
 complete anachronistic soup for a place called Waterloo no correlation plus an
 ebony seat containing carvings made by an old master in his dying breath...
 *INHALE*...An integrated bidet rated to launch a water jet at pressures up to
 one hundred megapascals plus a control board to its side with more buttons
 than an aircraft cockpit and a flower vase on top of the cistern. Phew.

F2: Uh, how am I supposed to use this thing?
F1: There should be a manual in here.
F3: How about pulling the handle?

The toilet flushed. Backwards.

F2: I really have to go!
G: Well, just do your... thing. We'll figure out how to flush it later on.
F4: Maybe you could try drinking less water?
Z: That would probably impact her health.
G: It's ok. This is no big deal after all.

After "marking" the suite,
 and rendering it uninhabitable to anyone else in the process,
 they waited for orders.

F2: So, what do we do now?
Z: Nothing.
F2: What!?
G: I don't think that we can do much without 'A',
 so how about we relax for a while?
F6: I guess that would be nice.
Z: Doing something useful would also be fine.
G: Yeah. How about visiting a bar to socialize?
 The hotel has one, and you could try and talk to other people.
F4: But isn't that dangerous?
G: Well, yes, but you have already talked to lots of people.
 I guess it should be relaxing if you don't try to scam them.
Z: Make sure to not discuss anything about the world.
F3: Isn't everything part of the world?
G: I think he means that you should keep your profile low.
 So, if they say something false, just nod and try to follow along.

Six foxes walk into a bar...

F5: So, can I have a milkshake?
5559: I Was expecting a man.
F5: *Momentarily compares crotch regions*
F5: Don't know what you mean.
5559: *Muttering* Fuckin' giant furballs.
F6: What?
5559: Oh, nothing. Here are your milkshakes.
 I hope that you're not lactose intolerant, pups.
Z: I think he is angry because you broke bar etiquette.
 Although I don't know for sure.
G: I'm pretty sure it was because Frank insulted his manhood.
F2: Can I have one of those loopy straws?
5559: *Rolls eyes* What are you, four?
F2: Umm, maybe? Can I have it though?
F6: She doesn't look like a number to me.
F3: I don't think numbers look like much in particular.
 Although she does have four limbs...
5559: Ugh. Just take it, and don't ask me for more milkshakes.
F2: Why not?
5559: Can you just leave, please?

After that, our pheomelanin-enriched tetrapods split up into several groups.
F2 and F6 talked to the girls, F4 and F3 to the casuals,
 F5 and F1 to the drunkard businessmen.
For the reader's convenience, i.e. you,
 they will be divided into groups X, Y and Z.
Here are some highlights from the horrendously boring conversations,
 or if you like it, the entire conversations.

Group X:
2256: How have you been doing gals?
 We almost never see people like you on this side.
F2: Oh, we are fine, and yes, we come from very far.
4355: Oh, I can see that!
 You would never see a gal from here looking so butch.
331: I guess that out there love is more lax~
G: Whoah, slow down! These women are fierce!
F6: Uhhh, she's just a teammate.
331: Oh, sorry for that.
 But tell us, how did you come to this bar?
F2: Oh! First we went a long way by sea, and then by land.
2256: It must have been from very far then.
F2: Yeah, from where I'm from it's much more cold.
 Now we have been adventuring for preeetty long.
311: A-adventuring? You must be really strong~

311 covered her face with a fan.

F6: Sure.
F2: Well, Freya is much stronger than me though.
4355: Well, I wouldn't take such risks,
 but it must have been quite fun for you.
F2: Yeah!
F6: I don't really know what to make out of it.
311: Oh, come on girl! Why don't you just Enjoy Life(TM)?
F6: What?
Z: A profound, yet empty statement.
311: Oh, I would kill to travel around the world, looking at new things,
 With such arms... And those legs, so strong yet not overly defined...  Mmm...
2256: You have definitely been drinking too much. Sorry about that.
F2: Uhhh... I guess this has happened before, so it's fine?
F6: Maybe cookies aren't the only good thing... *Thinking*
311: IF YOU HAD A HUSBAND LIKE HIM, YOU'D ALSO BE OGLING THE GIRLS! *Bleurgh*
311: That midriff...~
G: Uh, that lady sure has an imagination...
 Wait, did you forget to put on the onesie?
F6: *Looks down* Oh.

They had not noticed that she was wearing
 only an open longcoat and her tight-fitting drysuit.
 Fair enough since they looked the same colour.
Also I lied, they were ladies, not girls, but it had to rhyme.

Group Y:
767: So, have you played darts?
F3&4: No.
767: Billiards?
F3&4: No.
767: What do you even do all day?
F4: Kill things, I guess.
F3: The life of an adventurer is to see new places.
767: Poker?
F3: No. F4: Yes.
406: Oh, that's the stuff. Bring the chips!
F3: But I don't know how to play.
406: Have him teach you then.

They started playing.

767: So, anything in your curriculum apart from killing?
F3: I am experienced in mathematics.
406: Pfft, nerd.
F4: Now that you say it, I think that I once did some acting,
 but it must have been a long time ago.
406: How do you forget that?
F4: Uhhh...
767: Wait, let me guess. Momma wanted her little baby to become an actor.
406: But the spineless brat didn't cut the mustard,
 so he later went on some crazy adventure to prove that he still had balls.
F4: How did-, I mean-
767: You don't get good at business by being a bad tell.
406: And you look like you take it up the ass.
767&406: *High five*
F3: ...I have also studied some philosophy.
406: Well, I'm more of a layman,
 but I know from them that you can never know anything.
Z: A technicality taken too far.
F3: Yes, I have heard that. Wasn't it the work of Sastre, Can't, Disser,
 and Discarder, inspired by the sayings of-?
406: Nah, you're getting it wrong. Nihil came up with it.
F3: Excuse me, but I haven't heard about him.
406: You don't know Nihil? In a bolt of inspiration,
 he came up with it in a single step. Complete and as of yet unchanged.
 That's why Nihilism has its name.
406: Many would like to be him, but such genius is rare.
767: Sorry to interject, but I hate that theory.
 The gods created us with a purpose. 
767: If anything bad happens, they willed it.
767: If they willed it, you probably angered them.
 All the more reasons to serve.
F4: Ok?
406: Well, the gods don't seem to care.

And this tale doesn't exist.
THE END.

# Ch.35: This is your brain on tack

Actually nah, here is group Z:
212: I'm telling you, the guilds have the minister grabbed by the balls!
14: Pfft, nonsense.
 The minister is the one who chooses what the guilds can and can't do.
 If he decided to shut them down tomorrow, they would be gone.
212: Bullshit!
 You think the assassins guild will stay with
 their arms crossed if he tells them to fuck off?
14: It's called "shadow guild", just so you know.
F5: Well, I'm not from here, so can you get us up to speed?
212: Yeah,
 so this dumbass here thinks that even though the guilds
 control every fucking penny that gets in or out of here,
 the minister could just poof them out of
 existence before having them poison his tea.
14: And this raving lunatic thinks that those glorified
 tea parties put drugs in their cups or something,
 because they definitely always agree on everything,
 and would perfectly coordinate to wipe their asses with the law.
212: And I am tempted to say it has happened before!
14: Then you should definitely stop drinking!
F5: Well then, but how about we get you two some beers?
212: Yeah, yeah, that would be fine.
G: Excellent defusal, Frank.

They got some beers for them.

14: Say, how come you're getting milkshakes in a bar?
Z: Say you are teetotalers.
F1: You are teetotalers.
14: What?
F1: I mean, we are teetotalers.
14: Ahhh...
212: Goddamn pansies. It's pretty obvious you're not from here.
F5: How could you tell?
212: Because that's what you fucking said!
 Anyways, where are you from?
F1: We are from far up north.
14: So you've been to the other coast?
 And did you get here via boat?
F1: Yes, I guess we pretty much did.
14&212: *Hysterical laughter*

Whatever route they imagined was probably pretty silly.

G: Uh, try to go with the flow,
 or we may be thrown out of the window...
F1: Ha, ha. Haha.
14: Ah,
 I remember an old sailor telling me that the longer a ship is at the sea,
 the more attacks it will see,
 so next time better become friends with the empress
 rather than going through those shitty rivers. 
F1: Ok?

_EOF_ end of dialogue.
After going to the bar, they walked around the hotel some more.
For example they had an arcade, but the games were a total bore.
Finally, they went back to the suite and tried to sleep.
F4 laid down on the bed.
F4: Ah! What did they put in here?

The mattress turned out to have embedded pearls.

F5: Well, then the floor it is!

F5 laid on the persian carpet. Unfortunately for him, the floor had rubies below.

F5: AH FUCK! MY BACK!
G: Yeah, we'll have to do something about that.
Z: Go to the Bradley then, I can make some remodelling supplies.

After levelling the floor with some wax, and laying some mats,
 the fluffy-tailed digitigrades were able to relax.

G: Well, this day was something I guess.
F4: Yeah, pretty weird.
F6: The people behaved strange.
F3: Well, after all, we are the strange ones to them. Probably.
G: Anyways, tomorrow will be another day, so sleep tight.
Z: And don't let the bed bugs bite.
F2: Wait, there are bed bugs in here?
Z: No, you silly.
F2: Oh, ok. Good night, mister 'B'!

Then they had the big sleep.
I mean, they slept a lot, it's not like they died or something.
 Although at least F5 felt like that in the morning.
F5: Ugh, my head! What did those milkshakes have in them!?
Z: Probably nothing healthy.
F1: You should not have drank so many of them.
F5: They were goddamn milkshakes!

F2: Is 'A' ok now?
G: Hmmm, I don't know. Let's bring him over.

Guy went through a door, and dragged Jack into the office through the floor.

J: Well, what do you want now.
F2: Um, I wanted to know if you were fine and all.
J: Yeah I'm fine- FOR FUCK'S SAKE THAT PLACE IS DISGUSTING!
G: Whoah, whoah, calm down. Breathe in and out.
J: *Controlled breathing*
J: Ugh, I hate this kingdom, or empire, or whatever!
 Every inch of it is disgusting!
Z: We already heard that from you,
 so get a plan thought through if you want to leave this place.
J: Fine.
J: You told me in the morning this city has guilds,
 so I guess I will take them over before
 having the president killed or something.
F6: Also we are out of food.
J: Yes, I know! Let's go hunt something on the forests.
 Whatever exists outside of these dumps must be good in comparison.

And so they left. The forests were ok.
Not overly exploited, they had a few animals and some food,
 with only the occasional wrapper thrown around.
Our foxes were given some good old hunting rifles,
 since while having animals explode was fun, it wasn't very useful.
They also saw other foxes.

F2: Wow! Those little guys look just like me!
F3: I guess they are fox-persons, minus the person part.
F4: That's a rather odd way of saying it.
J: Does anyone want a fox scarf?
F2: Ew, no!
F6: Hmmm...
F4: Ok, that's just wrong.
J: How about fox stew?
G: Gross!
Z: And unhealthy, since it would be cannibalism.

Next up, they found a unicorn.

F5: Wow, that must be super rare.
F1: I don't think that such a creature belongs in here.
J: And they soon won't be! FIRE!

The unicorn was shot dead. This isn't MLP guys.

G: Ok, now we will have to hang it, bleed it and cut it open.
F2: Can't the unicorn turn itself into steaks?
Z: No.

Next take: A hanging unicorn.

F4: Does the blood have glitter in it?
F5: Yeah, I'm not eating that.
J: How about reconsidering the foxy option?
G: Stop it! There must be something edible in this place.
F6: Can I take the horn?
J: No souvenirs, hon.
F6: Aw.
F3: But where did this unicorn come from?
F5: Let me guess: Rich kid.
Z: Probably.

After leaving a perfectly good unicorn to rot,
 our foxes continued hunting in the way nature didn't intend.
Later, they found a deer. This dear deer endeared living,
 but its ears couldn't hear them get near,
 and getting shot probably made it feel fear,
 but after after getting sheared by mere non-military gear,
 it couldn't steer or veer from having bullets spear through its body.
 Oh dear, dear deer, that would be your last year.
Any claims about me overdoing my rhymes are patently false.
Jack cheered.

J: Great! Now make some steaks!
G: I think that you're skipping some steps, but yeah.
Z: One shot should have been enough. Now the animal is full of holes.
J: Details schmetails.

They grabbed it, hanged it head down near the Bradley, drained it, skinned it,
 cut off the front legs and head, boned it, removed the organs,
 and all the other things.
Since they were six,
 they somehow managed to do everything before rigor mortis kicked in.
Meanwhile,
 they were also preparing a large cooking pot with boiling... blood? 

J: Quick! Cut some leg chunks with the circular saw,
 and put them into the pot!
F4: So, do I cut it vertically?
G: Yes. Make them about two centimeters thick.

After adding in dehydrated crabapples from the Bradley, some dandelions,
 extra brains, some chunks of fat and lots of oats,
 they got a stew about as thick as treacle
 with enough calories to vapourize a cat,
 and maybe turn it into plasma.
They sat on the grass and tried it.

F6: Mmm... This is much better than those milkshakes.
F5: I feel like I could survive for a month after eating this!
F4: It's a bit thick...
J: That's the point!
 Oh, what I would do to taste it in place of someone as thick as you...
J: Wait a minute!

F4 got reappeared in the office while Jack used his body.

J: Hah, Now I can!
J: *sips XL tablespoon from bowl* Mmm, that's GOOOD!

Now slap some alcohol plus cheese into the mix for instant liver failure.
(They didn't)

# Ch.36: Quickest infiltration ever

And lo, the highly tossable foxes had stew for lunch.
F4 was already back in his body.

F2: So, what now?
J: Do you really have to ask that all the time?
F2: Sorry, but I want to know!
J: *sigh* We have to go back to that dump, and hypnotize some chumps.
F6: What do we do with the leftovers?
Z: Put them in the fridge.
F4: Wait, we have a fridge?
J: Yes. Leave the organs next to the meat.
F5: Hold on!

F5 Ran to the Bradley,
 and opened the fridge that had been revealed behind a plate.
 It contained meat jerky.

F5: I was going to complain that you already had meat.
J: Buuut?
F5: Yeah, I think that eating fresh is better.

After that, they returned to the overly gaudy city.
 More specifically to their room.

J: Ugh, just looking at the walls makes me sick.
G: Calm down. Just do your job and we will leave.
F3: We still haven't figured out how to flush the toilet.
J: I have an idea! Let's just call the hotel!

Somehow, they hadn't thought about it previously.
While they waited for the plumber to come,
 they covered the suite in god-proof foil.
Finally, the plumber rang the doorbell.

204: Hello, I am the plumber. I come to solve your plumbing issues.

F6 opened the door.

204: GODS WHY ARE YOU NAKE-!? URGH!

The plumber got a whiff of concentrated foxy scent, then F6 pulled him in.
Only the narrator knows what they did to him.
Fortunately, I am that person.
The plumber was knocked out by the visual and olfactory shock,
 so they immediately got to work.
After successfully hypnotizing him, giving him a gas mask,
 and making him flush the toilet through a combination of
 button presses about as complicated as taking off an aircraft,
 he finally left to infect people at the guild.

J: Now wait while I destroy the place.
F6: Ok.
F2: But what will we do now? I'm so bored!
J: Fair enough. How about 'C' tells you some real life lore while I work?
F1: It would be an honor if you told us the history of your world.
G: Well, I'm no historian, but I tell pretty good stories.
Z: I will also be working, so don't distract me.
G: So, it is thought that it all started some odd fourteen billion years ago,
 but I'm no physicist and I haven't gotten to reading about it,
 so let's leave it at that the really important stuff
 started happening around ten thousand years ago...
J: Wait, have you done the daily workout?

After doing the daily workout, the F luffy
                                   O rganism
                                   X eroxed from
                                   E 621.net
                                   s kept listening to Guy's story.
He kept talking throughout the rest of the day.
G: ...Now, he managed to piss off the mafia, the secret agents,
 and the people who sold him the guns at the same time,
 which as it turned out, wasn't good for staying alive.
 And this wasn't the first time a family
 member of his had died the same way...
F1: That was incredibly foolish in hindsight.
J: Alright I'm back.
F4: How did it go?
J: As it turns out, the guild bosses are tough as fuck,
 so I will need you to-morrow.
F4: The chances of dying are VERY low, right?
J: Sure. As much as I would like otherwise, we can't have you die.
G: Uh, he surely doesn't mean that.

Who knows! Definitely not I.

Z: We do not make direct confrontations, so expect something alike.
G: It's getting late, so how about we go to bed?
 Tomorrow will be another day.

Literally.
They awakened from their slumber the next day, except for F3,
 who took a midnight leak.
After doing the mandatory workout routine at the hotel gym,
 Jack finally told them their mission.

J: Alright,
 all you have to do now is deliver some mystery boxes we left in the Bradley,
 And set up some boobytraps in other places.
F3: What do the boxes have in them?
Z: Nerve gas and mind control beams.
J: It isn't a mystery if you tell them!
J: Ugh, they come with an attached address.
 Leave them in that place and some sap will use it on their boss.
F4: Will they die?
J: Normal goons aren't immune to nerve gas as far as I know,
 but their boss? No more than a knockout.
G: A loss to be mourned.
J: Pffwahahaha!
G: Just, get to work, alright?

They sent the boxes to the corresponding mailboxes,
and also installed the classic doorknob/claymore combo on some other places.
Thanks to the will of god, they didn't get lost,
 but a puny box had to be sent to another city nearby.
 The noir city.
 The FILM NOIR city.
 THE LUNG HAZARD CITY.

F1: This box is destined outside.

Look at this bastard, saying the bloody obvious.

Z: Yes. Apparently, an important guild does not have a subsidiary in here.
J: Let's just get there so we can leave sooner.
G: I must warn you, it's the city full of smoke that we saw a while ago.
Z: I recommend using your helmets.
F5: Well, how bad can it be?
Z: Very. The crime rate is of ninety-nine percent,
 the homicide rate replenishes its population every decade,
 there is no sewage system, and there are no libraries.
F3: No libraries?
J: Yes.
 Now grab your guns and move your furry asses so we can get this over with.

Upon trying to enter the City That Must Not Be Named proper,
 they encountered a heavily armoured road control.
The guard with the crustiest lungs known to man asked them to exit the car.

J: Ugh, just kill him.
G: Let's just play along for now, ok?
663: Alright, are you evil?
F1: No sir.
663: Reason of entrance?
F3: We have to leave a message.
663: Are you poor?
F1: No sir.
663: Prove it.
F1: *Shows bag full of gold*
663: Uh-huh. Are you treated against ribrot?
F4: Uh, we're not from here. Can you tell us what it is?
J: Probably some bullshit. Just kill him already. 663: Ribrot is a deadly
 disease that affects the floating ribs...
G: Don't! 663: It involves an infection by a certain bacteria which causes...
J: He's just making shit up! Kill him already! 663: Necrosis of the tissue
 leading to certain death...
G: Just give him a bribe!
663: This illness is very common in here,
 so visitors must be immunized by removal of the floating ribs.
F1: Well, here is my immunization card. *Hands bag*
663: You may pass.
F5: Finally!
663: Only him.
F5: DO YOU WANT TO TRY OUT OUR MAIN CANNON!?
663: Everyone may pass.

Once inside, the two girls of the group got bothered every once in a while.

322>F6: Nice curves!
F6: *Uses Beretta*
322: OW MY KNEECAPS!
323>F2: Looking slender!
F2: *Blam X2*
323: OW MY KNEECAPS!
324>F6: Wanna put those thighs to work?
F6: *Blam blam*
324: OW MY KNEECAPS!
325>F2: *whistle* How about you try my baguette, french girl?
F2: *Blam again*
325: OW MY KNEECAPS!

F2 wasn't that thin. Her height deceived.
 
Z: I think that we aren't blending in.
G: It's probably because we look too clean.
J: Alright, I think I know the solution for this.

They walked to the laundromat and put their coats in reverse cycle.
 They came out dirty.

F3: How-
J: Don't ask. It makes no sense.

Looking native, they didn't get bothered often, and reached their target:
 a shoddy residential highrise.
They tried cramming themselves into the elevator,
 but it went down a bit and stalled.

J: The bastards cheaped out on the maximum load!

To be fair, six 2+ metre tall foxes with full gear weren't exactly light,
 so they had to take the stairs.
Their daily training must have paid off, because they weren't overly tired.

F4: Phew.
F1: This door does not seem to have a mail slot.
J: Then make one!
F5: *Punches door*
F5: Alright, now pass it through.
F1: *Inserts box through fist-shaped hole*
F4: Are we going to just leave it like that?
J: That's what he gets for having a cheap door.

In my house, every door is a vault door.

# Ch.37: Steep pass

After putting their clothes in the forward cycle,
 the hen-eaters looked for the Bradley.
It was surrounded by corpses.

F4: Ummm...
Z: I tried to make it clear that they should not steal the tracks,
 but they kept coming.
J: Honestly, it was pretty funny to see them try,
 and a total shame they weren't carrying anything nice.
F3: I think it is better if we leave.
F6: Yeah.

And so, they got into the Bradley and hastily departed.

J: Wait wait wait! I forgot! We have to stop at the entrance!

The vehicle stopped instead of just blasting through,
 and the foxes greeted the guard.

663: Glad to know that there are still people who respect the law.
F1: Of course sir. We took the time to buy you a gift.
663: Oh, for me? I think that when I write my report,
 I will leave out the whole 'Threatening me with a cannon' part.
 You're on my nice list.

The "gift" was a box containing a truckload of hallucinogen gas.
 And one of those anime figurines.

663: ...Wow.
F4: Can we have our money back?
663: ...Huh? Yeah, sure. This is like a dream come true.
J: Ok, now we can leave, but make sure to collect the currency...
 With interest. 
F6: Do I have to look interested?
F1: I think he means monetary interest.
F2: What's that?
663: *Staring at figurine* Whoah, boobies...
Z: Monetary interest represents an extra percentage of the total value of
 investment that is returned to the investor to account for transactional risk.
J: ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!
F2: That seems very lopsided...
J: UGHHH! JUST TAKE THE MONEY!
F3: Why though?
G: Well, it's not like we really need it, but it's
 better to be safe if they don't accept our other coins.
J: STEAL THE FALSE COIN! THEY NEVER EARNED IT!
Z: He also seems to be aurophilic.

Forms gold complexes.

F6: How come we can take coins, but not souvenirs?
J: *sigh* Because we can't replicate them, and they are somewhat useful things.
F5: Hold on, you can make "weapons no man has ever seen before",
 but not some stupid coins?
Z: Correct. They rely on personal systems of magic that we cannot replicate.
J: The king, or whatever,
 just uses his magic to create them out of nothing whenever he wants,
 putting in his signature in them so no one else can do that.
 That's why they're so light,
 because they're more like pound notes than dimes.
J: Now, having explained, can we all take the money and get out!?
F1: Yes sir.

And so they bolted out of the city, out of the country,
 and were currently leaving the empire.

...

J: ...

...

J: Ugh, Faber you are so boring!
F1: Sorry.
Z: You are supposed to be working.
J: I was doing that, but then I remembered how boring he is!
 He barely says anything!
F1: It's just that I don't find anything to comment on.
J: Even your face is boring!
 I have almost never seen you change your expression!
F1: I don't think that I can do anything about that, sir.
J: Why are you even like this!?
F1: I don't know.
J: Just make some comments! The car has been deathly silent for...
 How long?
Z: About thirty seconds.
J: Oh, nevermind. I will get back to work.

After a while, they got to the empire border. There were no beasts, instead,
 a huge rift one kilometre wide and ten kilometres deep.

F5: Well, how are we supposed to cross that thing?
G: Hold on, I'll get 'B'.

Zack was currently busy doing his SCIENCE AND ENGINEERING(TM) somewhere else,
 so Guy had to bring him in.

Z: Yes, I can build a bridge with a span of one kilometre,
 but first I would have to get to the other side.
G: Would it work if I tied together a rocket and some string?
Z: Sure.
G: Guys, could you help me set up a the rocket launcher?
F5: Why not do it yourself?
G: Well, we can't just go spewing slime all around the place,
 since I'm pretty sure being so far would raise some alarms.
G: Just help me get the tools out of the car, alright?

The *un*blue chordates set up the rocket launcher and the cord.
Then it launched.

F3: There it goes.
F2: What now?
G: We'll just have to wait until the bridge is done.
 How about I continue to tell you my story
 of the world while you do some sunbathing?

Ah, who doesn't like basking in the sun? On the rare day that it isn't cloudy.
And so, he talked, and talked, waiting for the bridge to get done.
 the furries were given some iced mint so they wouldn't get overly hot.
 At least they weren't getting tan lines.

G: ...After such movie-level antics,
 most people saw no fault in the official report.
 Sure, some asked who funded them, or the ridiculous timing of it all,
 but overall, the edicts were passed,
 and nobody questioned neither the solution nor the cause.
Z: A tale that bites its tail. You would expect them to learn.
Z: I have finished by the way.
F4: Great! I was starting to become one with the chair...
F1: Actually, it is a sun lounger.
F3: Well, there isn't a lot of sun anymore.

But there it stood, the best bridge ever made, of a refinement beyond our age.
The foxes crossed the new road, suspended by cables no thicker than a hair.
 It seemed like the road was suspended in air,
 while the towers formed a perfect parabolic shape.
Through the translucent road, the bottom of the abyss could be seen.

F2: Wow! You can see the lava from here!

Indeed. Plate tectonics went out for lunch.

F6: Couldn't we just go around the rift?
G: I took a look, but the it even seems to extend into the ocean.
F2: How does that work?
G: I really don't know.
 The water just stands at the edge like it's Moses or something.

The bridge was finally crossed.
 They were greeted a place that suspiciously looked like arcadia.
 Or Scotland without the Scots.

G: Well, this is it. Let's see where we can get some sleep.
Z: There seems to be a village that way.
F4: I hope the lodging is good in there. I would rather sleep well.

Unfortunately, the magnificent bridge was destroyed.
*boom*

F4: Why did the bridge explode!?
Z: We cannot leave any structures lying around.
G: You're not gonna like what I saw...
F2: Um, what is it?
G: They must really like open floors,
 because they don't seem to have invented separator walls.
F5: Yeah, how about we just camp near the Bradley this time?
F6: That sounds alright.

After cooking some generous meat skewers on a campfire, the
 E.A.O.O.H.F.C.A.PH.P.B.N.D.C.T.R.A.S.E.S.T.E.
 N.T.E.C.P.M.T.P.B.L.S.F.C.F.C.C.C.V.V. vulpes set up some tents and slept.

The next day...

J: Good morning, little fluffy things.
F2: Oh, you are back!
J: Of course, I was just doing business as usual.
F4: That was unusually fast.
J: I speedran it! Though I'll continue here,
 so you can ask me if you need anything.
F3: Does that include-
J: NO, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
F5: He didn't say anything!
J: I read his mind!
F1: May you tell us what you did?
J: Later. I can see that we have another place to visit.

 They visited the village.
It was like those generic pantheon buildings spammed all over.
 The people wore chitons and chamlys,
 or only chamlys if they felt especially randy.
They chose the latter apart from their drysuits.

Our foxes, my comedy.

# Ch. 38: Greasy Greece

Picture this: A town, with grass. Amazing I know!
Our totally expert team casually approached
 a local with the grace of a scarecrow.

F2: So, who runs this place?
2222: Oh, hello stranger! Admiring our beautiful land?
F1: Yes. Who runs this place?
2222: Uh... No one?
J: That is the biggest load of shit I have ever
 perceived since I visited a waste treatment plant!
 None of those worms could pull of something like that!
F3: And how do you agree to do anything?
2222: Nature provides.
J: Oh, so they just went full caveman. Alright.
F6: That sounds terrible.
2222: You know, things get quite simple when you avoid the modern corruptions.
 What is that thing you're wearing below?
F1: Uhhh...
2222: Hold on a second.
 You didn't just come tearing up the land on one of those heavy vehicles,
 right?
J: Ah fuck.
F3: But sir, have you ever wondered if you actually own the land?
2222: The hell are you talking?
J: DISTRACT HIM WHILE FREYA HITS HIM!
F2: *Throws knife to side* OH WHAT'S THAT!?
2222: Wha-

F6 gave him a nice and strong haymaker,
 which knocked out several teeth and broke his jaw,
 sending him to the floor.

F6: Oops.
J: You did fine.
F5: Can I kick him while he's down?
G: No! You already got him!
2222: *With broken jaw and bleeding* You have no honour...
J: SHUT UP THE WITNESS!

The anti-racoon dogs broke some more bones.
After that, they visited the pantheon building.

F6: There isn't much in here either.
F2: Wait, there's an old man sitting there!

Indeed. He was old, and a man. Or at least a wolf man.
The foxes instantly rushed to harass him.

F2: Uh, hello? Who are you?
3332: I am the priest. Stranger.
F2: What kind of priesting do you do, mister priest?
3332: What are you, four?
F2: I get told that a lot. What do you do?
3332: I commune with the gods. Obviously.
 Do you have anything to ask after ruining my nap?
F2: On what does that communing thingie consist?
3332: Maieutics are prohibited in here.
F2: What's that?
F4: Is it a religious thing?

Concepts that may elude Brits.

3332: Ugh.
F1: We wanted to ask if you relate to any other priests,
 for... Documentation purposes.
3332: If I tell you, will you leave me alone?
F1: ... *Thinking*
J: Yeah, whatever. Hypnosis would have been easier.
F1: Yes.
Z: He seems to be resistant to hypnosis.
3332: Why are you looking at me like that?
F1: Oh, sorry.
3332: *Mumbling* Bastard...
F6: Bastard?
3332: Anyways! So I usually meet with this gal...

The old wolf spilled the beans so they would leave him be.
When the farmer's pests were about to leave, they were stopped by a man.
884: Stop right there you scum! Nobody breaks the law on my watch!
F5: Excuse me?
F6: Me?
884: All of you! You are all charged with mercilessly beating a man!
F5: Can you prove that?
884: I heard the testimony from the man's wife.
 Now pay your toll or it's off to jail.
F3: How exactly? I have not seen anything resembling prisons or money here.
884: Do you think you're funny!?
F2: Wait! He totally asked us to hit him!

The wife, who had been hiding behind the man, decided to talk.

7487: N-nuh-uh! If you had played fair, he would have won!
F5: Bloody nonsense!
F4: That sounds rather... Self-serving, you know?
3332: Ugh, if they're so strong, let them clear out one of those caves alone.
 If they die, that's fine. But if they survive,
 that's also fine, and they are forgiven.
884: As you say, old sage.
 And you, be grateful that you were given another chance!
F6: Alright.
F5>7487: So, want a night with the stronger guy?
7487: *Extreme, face reddening, anger?*

F1 grabbed F5's shoulder.

F1: Please, do not cause any more trouble.
J: I must be honest, that was fun.
F5: You know, this place looked kinda familiar...
F4: They have whisky in here?
F5: I said, "kinda familiar"!

A while later, it was a dark and stormy day.
From the around 50/50 group of humans and assorted furry creatures,
 a rare Balkan lynx humanoid decided to come and scream at them.
58: The hell are you doing with those umbrellas!?
 And you pretend to be tough!?
 How about you take off your suits and then we'll see-

The lynx got a jab straight to its snout,
 which made him take several steps back.

F4: Was that too much?
58: OK! KEEP YOUR STUPID UMBRELLAS! fuck...
3332: Alright. Some hydras have been spotted to the north.
 Go to their caves and kill them before they become a threat to our village.
3332: You will go to the cave northeast,
 while those insufferable foxes will go northwest.
3332: I really hope that they die, but I respect great strength when I see it.
3332: That's it. Now scram.

And so, the accidental ruffians talked while they walked towards DOOM.
The 1993 version.

F2: So, could you tell us what you found, mister 'A'?
J: Sure. I didn't tell you earlier because the bad news got me down.
F4: Shouldn't you-
J: Shush! I will start telling you now.
 I started with the construction guild
 because I certainly had a mouthful for him...

Alright, here's a skyscraper, it is tall. Like,
 visible from the other side of The Channel tall.
It is completely uninhabited though, and when push comes to shove,
 the the gold foil peels away, revealing the shoddy construction below.
The reaper comes for the engineer, stuck to a desk near the entrance.

J: YOU FUCKING SHITHEAD! YOU DOLT! INSOLENT WORM!
 I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON YOUR OWN BLOOD!
K110: Excuse me?
J: BUT FIRST, WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO DESIGN SUCH ATROCITIES AGAINST THE WORLD?
K110: ...Mu?
J: DON'T COME AT ME WITH THAT BULLSHIT.
K110: I just thought it looked cool, alright?
J: Are you fucking stupid!?
K110: Hey, the 1930's weren't that bad, you know.
 I thought it would have been nice to bring back the old style.
J: Alongside all of the old trash!?
K110: Well, no, but it was a pretty orderly tim-

Boom, heartshot.

K110: ...The fedoras... Were cool...

*Tactical Deagle magdump*

J: Fuck off with your awful fashion!
J: ... 
GOD! What a relief!

Later...

Z: It seems like that was quite satisfying for you.
F2: Yeah, why are you sad then?
J: First, I'm totally not sad. Second, ...There were other persons.

And so, the story which is killing my hard drive continues.

# Ch.39: November 5th

There where four guilds, so let's talk about the other three.

The leader of the assassins was at the bottom of a ravine.
 Very stealthy for sure, but the lack of light could make you trip.
Fortunately, Jack had one of those hundred-thousand lumen torches.

K233: Ahh! Turn off that light!
J: No.
K233: MY EYES! WHAT DO YOU WANT!?
J: Well, I already know you are trash, but I would like to ask:
 Why do you kill people?
K233: No, I do not kill people.

Jack turned up the brightness. Apparently,
 the torch went all the way from "mighty bright" to "blazar to your face".
The guy tried turning away, but the reflective rock did not help.

K233: Ugh!
J: You git. Do not go all "ackyshually" on me, understood!?
K233: Alrig-
J: I didn't ask you to talk!
J: Now, why do you kill people?
K233: It is necessary. Otherwise there would be chaos and anarchy.
J: Ugh, all of you sound like a broken record. Are you stupid or lying?
 Have you stopped beating your wife?
K233: Actually-

Jack increased the power.
 The guy was already getting a nice and crisp 2kW per square metre.

K233: Nevermind!
J: Now, one lust-, Last question. If you could get a do-over,
 would you stop beating your lover?
K233: I never had one! You are kidding me!
J: Hehe. Isn't that what your job is all about?
K233: You just don't get it, you lout!
J: Fuck off, Dan.
 Now, do you like your steaks medium rare?
K233: What?
J: I take that as a yes!

Jack thoroughly cooked the Dan guy.
Now, for the financial man, a one-to-one copy of the NYSE,
 because the LSE stopped being relevant ages ago.
The banker guy was inside one of the trading booths.
The reaper must have been interested in stocks.

K204: Hello, what would you like?
J: YOUR SOUL.
K204: Sir, I'm afraid that not for sale.
J: TOO BAD, BECAUSE I WILL TAKE IT ANYWAYS.
 But before we go, a word from our sponsor.
K204: Um-
J: Hell! Enjoy paying for all of your sins, with interest!
 You may choose to suffer in the frozen depths of Dante's Inferno(TM),
 or suffer differently inside the lava pools of our Pop Hell(TM) experience.
 Choose now, because there is no heaven for sinners like you!
K204: All I did was make some money.
 That would only anger the worst of fundamentalists.
J: And I would agree, if what you said wasn't a mountain of shit.
K204: Is there really anything bad with charging interests?
J: Not inherently. Is there really anything bad with stealing?
K204: ...
J: Ah, you're smarter than the rest. The answer is no by the way.
 I can make more stupid questions, but the results are pretty clear,
 aren't they?
K204: Tough luck.
J: Tough luck for sure, but you will not get off easy.
 Now let me get my stinging tree leaves... And a sewing kit!
K204: Can I get a discount for philantropy-

Jack got to work immediately, with one hundred percent interest.
After that, he visited the leader of the media guild;
 an incompetent chav on one of those postmodern glass buildings,
 completely glued to his chair.

J: Ah, if it isn't my favourite sissy luser!
 Have the worms from your maggotbox finally eaten what's left of your brain?
K22: AH, THE REAPER! PLEASE SPARE ME, I'VE BEEN A GOOD BOY!
J: I will take that as a yes.
K22: Wait, you're not gonna kill me?
J: Oh, definitely, but first,
 I wanted to get a good laugh at the person who
 couldn't even sort a list in less than ten minutes.
K22: Damn, you got me good.
 Does that put me on a black list or somethin'?
J: Absolutely. I have no patience for those that pose as nerds.
K22: Wait a minute, you can't just kill me because you didn't like me.
 The judge must be out 'cause I ain't getting my due process!
J: Shut up. I am the witness, jury, and executioner. You get what you deserve.
 But there is something I would like to ask:
 How did an ass like you acquire such an office?
K22: Well, some weird ass people asked me how I would like it,
 and then I got it.
J: Seriously! Computers were barely a thing in the 1930s!
K22: Uh, dunno. I wasn't alive by then, but they sure had some ladies.
J: I guess that if you became powerful,
 it was because you got lucky and were really good at polishing those boots.
 Isn't that right, yes-man?
K22: Yes- I mean, no.
J: To be fair,
 I don't care if you asked to install Microshaft on your offices,
 or made up some more bullshit on this bullshit world. What I want to know,
 is what you did before.
K22: Bitch,
 you're thinking I've got the space to
 remember what happened three hundred years ago?
J: What!? No, you must be kidding me!
K22: Nah, you old-ass skeleton. Look at the calendar, it says three hundred.
 Now don't come at me with some bullshit about
 something I did three fuckin' centuries ago.

The newspaper didn't lie when it said 'Year 312'.

K22: What I'm thinking is that whatever killing
 order you had must have turned into dust by now,
 and that you should just let me go.
J: ...

...

Jack threw a pillar at him. Attitude readjusted.
Now, back with the 86 96 a7 85 a2.

J: That's it. Apparently three hundred years have passed.
Z: Perhaps we went overboard on the drawbacks.
J: You don't say! How is that even possible!?
Z: The language was rather ambiguous.
J: Ugh. Who knows what was of the world in three hundred years!?
F1: My condolences, sir.
G: Wait, we can't be sure that time moves at the same rate,
 so maybe we aren't that screwed.
Z: Yet.
F2: That is so terrible! Is there anything that could cheer you up?
J: No, just leave it like that.
 I will keep working to forget. *sips teacup*

Meanwhile, in the other cave, out of the twenty persons that came in,
 about three came out, including our rare Balkan lynx,
 with the blood from his nose still stuck on his fur.

58: It was a tough battle, but we survived, and now the weather clears!
 Huzzah!

Then they stumbled upon our dearest vulpes.

58: Why do you come back so quickly, foreigners? Was the hydra too scary?
F1: Actually, we already killed it. Now we are bringing back the heads.

F6 showed a bag containing three heads of a very dead lizard.
The lynx's group just stood there staring like idiots, even after they left.

J: Ughhh... This world totally, positively, absolutely sucks.
 *sips magically refilling teacup*

He tried printing an image of the empress.
 Since since his printer was a device only existing in the mind of man,
 it actually worked.
Upon seeing the image, Jack spat out his blinker fluid, then blinked.

G: Are you alright?
J: ...You know, I think that I will lay the empress,
 and THEN I will slay the empress.
G: Dude! That is sick!
Z: Do you mean as in excellent or-
G: DISGUSTING!
J: Fine! I lay her, and then you slay her!
F4: What is going on?
J: The empress is a ten out of ten would bang. In fact,
 would bang several times!
F6: Maybe you could-
G: NO!
J: What is the deal then?
G: *inhale*... I will deal with her after you... Do your thing.
J: Suit yourself.
F6: Me?
G: NO!

After that,
 the foxes went back to the temple and showed the heads to the elder.

3332: How are all of you still alive?
F5: Because we are STRONG! *Flexes medium-sized muscles*
3332: Ugh, just go away. You are forgiven.
F5: Mire these biceps, one-and-a-half pl8 natty.
3332: What?
F1: We will be leaving now.
F5: Bet you can't even lift a pebble, how's that, huh!?

F1 dragged him out of the temple,
but in our hearts, we all know that the priest was absolutely mogged.
Whatever that means.

# Ch.40: Latericiam relinquo

I know it's not greek. Don't bomb my house.
After being forgiven by the town elder, the
  ___
  "._`-.         (\-.
     '-.`;.--.___/ _`>
        `"( )    , )
           \\----\-\
~~jgs~~~~~~ "" ~~ """  (Plural, antropomorphic)
Wasted no time, and travelled in search of the big WOman.

J: We should have just poisoned him or something.
G: Nah, it pays to be nice sometimes.
J: Pay me with what, cool sticks?
G: You know? Just forget it.
Z: I find the existence of such a civilization deeply offensive.
F2: Aw! I thought that cat person-
Z: Lynx. (Not links that's a browser)
F2: I thought that lynx person was kinda cute!
F5: Well, he sure was taught a lesson!
F4: Are you sre this won't get us into trouble later?

No, it will not. Author's guarantee.

G: I don't think so. I do wonder how he will feel after this.
J: Always so melodramatic!
F3: Uh, melons and aromatic?
J: Well hello? Planet not-earth to Filbert?
F3: Oh, sorry, I was thinking about something else.
F5: Maybe all of those sieverts are going to his head.
F4: I hope not.
F3: Alright, I was just thinking about what we saw the past days.
 It is quite a lot to process.
J: Oh, too much for your sensitive butt? Do you want a massage?
F3: Actually, yes.
J: With a happy end at that?
F3: Ummm...
J: It's Nerf or nothin'!
F6: Can I have one too?
J: *Rubs hands*
Z: I do not think that there is enough space.
J: Ugh, let's just stop and set a camp. It's time for lunch anyways.

And so they did. They also set up a picnic table for completeness sake.
F2, F3 and F6 all got their "happy ends".
 No, I'm not removing them yet.
The foxen had some olive-fried steaks and chorleywood "cake".
 The steak was condimented with marshmallows,
 and The Bay Leaf, from the bay tree.
Unfortunately for them, they had to do the cooking again.

Z: Perhaps you could do with some more fiber.

F1 pulled a bowl full of celery out of the Bradley.

F6: How do we have so much food all of a sudden?
Z: We ran the car to collect some plants while you slept and went to the cave.
F6: Oh alright.
J: I must admit, Food is pretty much the only good thing from this place.
G: It's kinda saddening to see that they don't have any good recipes.
F4: Wait, seriously?
J: Yes! Apparently these cavemen will cook a rabbit on a stick and go:
 "Mmm, such an elaborate meal", because even fire is sophisticated to them.
F6: We forgot the daily workout.
F4: Why did you have to remember that!?

After resting from their meal and doing the daily workout,
 they kept travelling in the Bradley.
Finally, they reached a somewhat larger town next to a mountain.
 It even had a fountain!
Immediately, they rushed to harass the elder.
 However, her building had walls, so F5 kept banging on the door.
F5: OPEN UP! WE WERE SENT BY THE OLD WOLF!
K321: Hello! Which one?
F6: Uhh, the grumpy, bitter, gray one?
K321: That doesn't narrow it down much.
F4: He had a mole on his neck?
K321: Ah! So Sfongoi sent you! Come in!

ENTER.
FOXES.
The "archpriest" was a catgirl wearing a peplos,
 alongside a name tag that read: 'Hello! I am: Katia <3, Archpriest'

J: Awww! She's so cute I could put her inside a wood chipper!
G: I don't think that's a healthy reaction...
K321: So, what brought you here? Wanna play- I mean,
 you must have some stories to tell!
F1: Actually, we are here to ask about the emperor.
K321: Aww! You're no fun! At least play-,
 entertain me before asking for such information!
 He is a really occupied person!
J: Faber, throw what I left in your pocket to her left.

F1 Threw a ball of yarn, and Katia OBVIOUSLY chased after it.
She came back with a mess of strings tying her hands.

K321: Could you help me with this?
F4: Well, I guess-

She went towards F5. Because he looked sexier.

F5: Ugh, what are you, four?
K321: What, no! I'm an adult woman,
 and I'm totally in the age for intercourse!
G: Wow, she's really spilling that spaghetti.
K321: Sorry. It's just that *exhale* I'm so lonely, you know?
F5: Quit hugging me! Can't you just bang any other archpriest?
K321: No! they're all like: 
 "I am occupied. My job prevents me from engaging in intercourse."
 And nobody has visited me in FIVE YEARS! Nobody even lives in this town!
 Pleasepleaseplease-
F5: Alright, alright! We will stay here for a while!
G: Poor girl.
J: What a loser.
K321: Great! Please wait while I make some tea!
Z: She seems more ingenuous than Fifi.

After tripping several times while attempting to leave,
 Katia left. Later, she brought back some ceylon tea.

F3: Sorry, but we don't drink tea. It is bad for the teeth.
F4: Oh, I'm so sorry! Please forgive me! Do you want anything else?
F6: Where is the emperor?
K321: Ah...
F1: First, is there anything you need?
K321: Oh, *sniff*, could you at least uhh... Uhmmm... Oh god...
 Could you kiss me in my cheek?
F1: Sure, close your eyes.
K321: Y-yeah sure. God why is this so difficult?!
 I've kissed so many guys before!
F5: Just relax, ok?
K321: ...Sure. *closes eyes*
K321: *sigh* Ok, I'm ready.

The foxes blasted her with their preferred handguns.
Ho OWNED.

Kate awoke on a hospital bed in Fowler's position.
 From within the empty white place she saw a dark apparition.

K321: W-who are you!?
G: Just a ghost from times long past. But we are not here to talk about me.
 I want to ask about yours.
 How did you get here?
K321: W-well, I was just a girl who liked to sing.
K321: I wasn't really that good,
 and I'm pretty sure that there were hundreds of people better than me,
 but I guess I got lucky, b-because everything I did was a hit,
 like, an invisible hand moving me like a chess piece.
K321: I couldn't be happier! I was signing contract after contract,
 Everyone respected me, and a-all I had to do was read out of a script!
K321: They even gave me one of those golden tickets,
 and told me to keep s-shut about it,
 but assured me it was like a great treasure!
K321: Then... I appeared on this brand new world, of pure green pasture.
 I was very eager to help... And they sure tolerated me at first,
 But then... *sniff* They started to go away, contacting me less and less...
 And after many years...
K321: *sob* When I asked them,
 I asked them why they were abandoning me, they said, that they didn't care...
K321: THEY NEVER CARED! *sob* They... They just thought I was a pretty face,
 and-and when they thought that, that they didn't need me anymore...
 THEY ABANDONED ME! *crying*

The figure tried to console her, caressing her hair.

G: I am so sorry, but what was done was done.
 Even if you repent now, there was no turning back.
K321: I... *sniff* I never understood what, what they wanted!
 I-I just read the script! *sob*
G: I know.
K321: W-why wasn't I useful anymore!? *sniff* It was all a farce...
G: I know.
K321: I wasn't special... *sob* I failed, I failed everyone...
G: I know. It's over.
G: ...There is only one thing left.

The figure removed her pillow, and as it gently approached her face,
 Katia resigned herself to death.

Luck is a curse.

# Ch.41: System-inherent beasting

Kate awoke next to our heterotroph ofsex.
She was still wearing a bloodied peplos full of holes.

K321: AHHH!
F2: Are you okay?
K321: NO! YOU JUST SHOT ME! WHY!?
F5: You were being too clingy. *World's most smug shrug*
K321: WHAT!?
F6: You're naked by the way.

It wasn't a lie.
 The holes definitely let quite a bit of light pass into her womanly parts.
She covered herself, as if it could somehow un-ruin her day.

K321: *blushing and afraid* W-WHAT DO YOU WANT!?
F3: To find the emperor, being frank.
F5: What?
F3: It's a term for talking in a way that is downright.
F5: Ah, you meant the term.
K321: Ah.
F2>K321: Um, sorry?
K321: ...He's past the mountain,
 going straight to the east until you reach a building next to a stream.
He is down there. He has a very... Large presence.

F4 patted her head to comfort her.

F1: Is it fine if we stay here for the night?
F6: *yawn*
K321: ...Uh, a-alright.

Since it was getting late, they stayed, our most esteemed...
#include <stdio.h>/*Incredible assumption*/
int main(){signed int d[]={102,9,9,-19,14,-69,-36};int *pd=&d[0];for(int i=0;
putchar(i+=*pd)>42;pd++);}

The next morning,
 Katia had the absolute Stockholm to make them a full English with toast.
 The Welsh breakfast is better IMO.

K321: Is it fine? I-I'm not very good at cooking...
F4: It's alright.
F2: It feels like you tried too hard with the food.
 And the table... And the Floor... And the walls...
 All those carvings look kinda distracting.
K321: :-(
F6: *gesturing*
K321: Do you want me to come? You're not much of a tal-

F6 pulled her in for a french kiss. Kate submitted at first,
 but pulled out after the initial shock.

K321: W-WHY DID YOU DO THAT!? *Shocked and aroused, or S&A for short*
F6: You said you wanted a kiss.
K321: NOT LIKE THAT! Just ask me first...
F6: Do you want a kiss?
K321: I-uh-umm... Is it fine?
F6: If it makes you relax... Or would you rather sit on my lap?

Katia went for the latter.

K321: ...
K321: Why are you so weird?
F3: We seem strange to each other, yet we may be the same.
K321: I don't get it...
F5: Well, time to leave.
K321: Wait! I can accompany you!
 He's technically inside of my city, so...
F2: Sure!
K321: Wait, why was that so easy?
F1: They said you would be useful.
K321: Who are "they"?
F1: We will tell you when you get in the car.
K321: You have a car!?

The foxes and, Kate? Katia? The cat?
 Entered the "car" (Actually the Bradley),
 And immediately left.

K321: This isn't a car, and I have so many questions...
F2: Oh! Me first! Are you called Kate or Katia?
K321: How do you?...
F2: *The kind of smile that's actually kind of disturbing*
K321: I- uh, just call me however you want?
F2: Can I call you aunt?
K321: No! I'm not that old!
F4: Aren't you three hundred-
K321: Please! If I look like I am twenty, treat me like I am twenty!
J>K321: With a brain the size of a lentil.
K321: What!? Where did that come from!?

Jack was busy mashing the keys on his keyboard.

G: Can you stop typing for a second?
J: No! I could miss some dialog with the empress!
Z: Kate is listening, just so you know.
K321: WHAT IS HAPPENING!?
J: You got owned. Literally!
F1: Those are "they", by the way.
K321: NO! I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS! I'M LEAVING! *stands up*
J: Sit.

The cat sat on the mat. In that girly "W" shape.

K321: Ah.
F5: Hah!
K321: ...Alright, what do you want from me?
F3: That was oddly quick.
K321: Well, I guess I brought this on myself.
 You kept me alive for a reason, isn't it?
J: Least stupid commentary of the day.
Z: We need you to help us defeat the emperor.
K321: Why?
J: Must trash the trash, duh.
K321: Isn't that very rash? It's not like I like him, like-
Z: You have surpassed your like allowance.
K321: He's scary!
Z: On the opposite, we are being very wary with this operation,
 by adding an extra member to the team.
J: You should be able to take the hits.
K321: Ummm...
G: We'll give you weapons and armor so you are safe.
 I'm not some kind of sadist.
G: Do you have any more questions?
F6: Can you help me take off my drysuit?
G: I was asking the other lady... but OK.
K321: Wait please don- *urgh*

Kate's nostrils received several scents in quick succession.
She didn't appreciate the gratuitous nudity either.

G: Oh, I forgot about that. Sorry.
Z: I will remove your vomiting reflex.
K321: JUST TURN OFF MY NOSE! AND MY EYES!
J: Don't, that would be a loss. Now, do not distract me,
 as I'm getting to the good part~

They finally arrived towards the emperor's place.

Z: Now, I will provide you with these APFSDS railguns.

They were some two-metre composite tubes with coils to the sides,
 a thick cable reaching to the backpack,
 an ammo belt also coming from the backpack, and several spare tubes.
Surprisingly, they were lighter than the M242.

G: All new and improved!
F3: How can the design be new and improved at the same time?
G: It's a mannerism.
Z: At maximum power, they can provide very significant kickback,
 so make sure to use the tripod.
F2: Well, duh!
G: Just don't go flying like last time, alright?
F2: Fiiine.
Z: Furthermore, since the recoil from a high firing rate would be too high,
 we will be providing some remote-control robots.
F4: What happened to that slime thing?
G: Well, the disadvantages outweigh the benefits in this case,
 like the bad coordination, or the instability...
F6: Not being able to taste?
G: Also that.
Z: The barrels of the railguns wear down quickly,
 so make sure to replace them when the wear meter goes down from lime.
K321: Wait, what about me?
G: We would be hard-pressed to make a robot tougher than you are,
 so you will go in there with some armor, as I said.
K321: That's no fair!

Life is unfair. Especially if you are some catgirl-priest-royalty.
The sbkrf set up a tent, put on the suits, and brought the robots.

F2: Woah, this feels kinda weird.
Z: The suits provide haptic and visual feedback.
F4: Wait, is that me?
Z: Yes.

F6 waved at herself. Zack gave guns to everyone.

F2: What did that "word-soup railgun" mean?
G: Well, you just have to look at the projectile!

A tentacle came from F2's backpack and showed them a round.

G: Here, it is an armor piercing round,
 which has some stabilizing fins,
 and a sabot that that discards itself.
F2: Ohhh...
G: And this thing uses electricity to push it down a rail, somehow.
K321: Hold on, I don't know how to shoot! And what about my armour?
G: Just make sure that the front and back sights are aligned,
 and set them alight. It shouldn't be that hard.
K321: I still don't get it.
G: Alright, I can teach you the basics in a few minutes.
 Now, as for what you will be wearing...
Z: You will have to strip down.
K321: W-what? In front of them?
Z: Yes. Stop asking stupid questions.
F6: I don't mind.
K321: Me asking or... Ugh whatever, I'm doing it.

As it turned out she didn't use underwear. Naugthy Cat, LLC.
The slime slapped her with a drysuit and blocky armour plating.

K321: This feels rather strange.
F5: Yeah, nice curves though.
K321: Ah! Why did you have to look!?
G: Let's just teach you how to shoot, alright?
K321: Sure...

You see, cat's supposed to be funny. 

# Ch.42: Un-abandon ship

I have been trying to write this chapter three times already,
 but the jokes just keep coming up. I would drive a manager mad.
After a light warmup,
The fauxes were going down a staircase alongside an armoured cat.

F1: Can you tell us how far is he?
K321: Well, I haven't visited him in many years,
 but I think we should see him in ten minutes.
F6: All the twisting is making me dizzy.
F4: To kill some time, exactly what kind of cat you are?
K321: I think I'm a Turkish... Something.
 It was too long ago, I can't remember.
 What kind of fox are you?
F4: Uhh, a foxy fox?
K321: Well, you don't look bad...
F4: Thanks?
Z: Remember that you should attack him by surprise.
 The emperor. And keep laying the transmission cable.
K321: You're still here!?
Z: Yes. We literally own your mind.
F5: I think that would be hard with a cat that practically glows in the dark.
K321: Wait, I can fix that!

Kate changed her eyes and coat from an uncanny
 #0000ff Crashed Windows to the soul, and normal #fffacd;
 to a normal #59260B and uncanny #000000 v o i d.

F5: Now I can't see you.
F4: How did you do that?
K321: I can shapeshift a bit.
F3: But how much exactly?
K321: Well, I can't chance my species,
 but I can change things like my hair color,
 my height, and the size of my, uhhh... Assets.
F3: What kind of assets?
K321: Just... Forget I said that.
F6: How about giving yourself lots of muscles?
K321: I could, but it wouldn't make me much stronger,
 and I would probably stumble.
F1: *Points torch at K321*
K321: Ah! You're blinding me!
F1: Sorry, but I could not see you.

Down they went. The spiral increased in diameter,
 until it started circling a large ogival chamber from the second third.
It comfortably housed a thirty-metre titan. He really was the big man.

K321: *whispering* Ok, I think he hasn't noticed us.

The titan awoke from his fetal position.

E1: YOU DARE TO AWAKEN ME, YOU INSOLENT FOOL!?
G: AH! Just shoot!

When Kate tried rising her gun, the titan snapped his fingers,
 and hit her by extruding a pillar from the wall.
This is why you must keep your barrel on target and finger on trigger.
 At least the robots controlled by canids controlled by human
 souls controlled by undead antimemetic entities understood that,
 so they started shooting while running. Good thing they got his eyes.

E1: ARGH! YOU TRAITOROUS BITCH! I WILL KILL YOU ALL!

With a gesture of his hands, he destroyed that side of the wall,
 but they were already gone. Using the ridiculous thrust from the guns,
 they had managed to dodge without getting crushed.
Meanwhile, Katia managed to pull herself out of the floor.

E1: WHERE ARE YOU!?
G: Get his kneecaps!
K321: *Cough* On it, sir...
E1: THERE YOU ARE!

E1 kicked her so hard he broke his middle toe,
 and she became one with the stucco.

After they got his kneecaps, the titan fell.

E1: UGH! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS! YOU RABBLE WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED,
 AND THE HAMMER OF THE GODS WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN!

The cat pulled herself out of the rubble, and fired.

K321: Die!

Silly cat. The emperor kept smashing her with his fist,
 for around five times until the foxes got him.
Overall, they were done in less than a minute.
 After knocking the emperor out,
 the animalised terminators unincrusted Katia from the crater.

F2: Are you fine?
K321: Yeah, I'm-  *vomits half a liter of blood, twenty six and a half teeth,
 a chunk of spleen and lung*
K321: ...Fine.
Z: She will be fine.
K321: *With broken teeth* I feel like jelly... Sho much pain...
F1: You were an excellent distraction.
K321: Th-thanksh?
F3: What will happen now?
G: We have to wait until Kate is done recovering, then we can leave.
K321: Wait! Don't abandon me!
G: We aren't going to do that! Just hang on for a while.
F6: How is 'A' doing?
G: Uh, he is still doing his thing at the computer, wearing headphones...
 Wait, how does that work? His ears are on the back of his hea-
J: YES!
F2: What happened?
J: I convinced her to have sex! Now if you will excuse me,
 I will have fun somewhere else~ *leaves*

The afternoon was rather uneventful.
 After Katia regenerated in a whopping
 four minutes and changed back her coat,
 They used the titan's powers to leave quickly.
They played some cards (F2 won), F6 consoled Katia,
 and all that.
Wasting so much time was irritating Zack,
 and they were ready to get on the cat^Hr by the evening.
K321: Wait! Please take me with you!
F5: Really? After getting used and abused?
G: You know that isn't possible.
K321: Just... Please do something! I am so lonely!
G: Sorry.
K321: There has to be something! PLEASE!

Guy pressed a button, and Kate froze like a statue.

F6: Is she going to be fine?
G: It's the only thing we could do. She was doomed.
 At least now she won't suffer.

And so,
 the foxes left and left a frozen priest on the temple to their left.
 Nobody cared, and nobody would notice a thing.
They went to the coast where the battleship was conveniently waiting.

F3: How did it get here?
Z: We kept driving it, so you would have support.
F4: It's still rather far off the coast. How do we get there?
G: Not all hope is lost. Because we have amphibian mode!

Fortunately, the Bradley wasn't overloaded, so it did not sink like a rock.
The ship opened a hatch from the side,
 and let the Bradley enter through a ramp.

F4: Great! We are back home!
F6: I hope my room is still there.
G: Yes, your room is as you left it.
 But wouldn't you first want a celebratory meal?
F6: Definitely.

The foxes had some crab meat with celery and mushroom "cream" for dinner,
 because they still had no milk.
They also had chorleywood juice.

F1: Where will be going next?
Z: To the east. 'A' said that it was better if we stayed on the nearest edge.
F2: So we will be going back?
Z: Correct. It should take us around four days to reach our destination,
 since I tripled the ship's cruise speed.
F4: Is 'A' back already?
G: Apparently not. Man, just for how long does he plan to keep going?
Z: Biology indicates that he should already have finished.
G: Could you go check? I really don't want to.
Z: Sure.
Z: ...No, he is still having sex.
F3: The crab is quite good.
F6: I think the best part is the juice.
G: How can you?... You know, I'm glad that you enjoyed the meal.
F2: Aw! Thank you for cooking!
G: Yeah, no problem.
F6: I forgot about my sourdough.

After that, the cat-eyed dogs slept on their mats,
 because mattresses are for babies.
Now, as for the empress...
In a foggy land, from a the bottom of a lake she commands.
When she looks up, the bottom follows.
Some rise, many go down.
A titan appears from the shadows.

E22: Oh, are you my lover? I must admit, that was mind-blowing.
G: No, I'm not him. I came to judge what you did.
E22: What a spoilsports. Go on.
G: When people starved, weren't you eating ice cream?
E22: Oh, that. I must admit I was quite drunk that time,
 but I donated to charity, gentleman.
G: Tell me, was getting drunk and going to parties part of the job?
E22: You're no fun! I can do whatever I want on my free time.
G: And where did all the party money come from?
E22: Investments?
G: One last chance. Why did you do it?
E22: Do what?
G: Everything. Why did you do everything you did?
E22: ...You know, I could have been a goody two-shoes all my life,
 never sworn, drank or partied,
 but I would never have been more that one than a number,
 insignificant, confused, and useless. So, I called their attention.
E22: I filled forms, and what I wanted, I got.
 Sure, not everything I did was sunshine and rainbows, but it worked.
E22: If I could choose again between being
 some scared church girl and a "dirty",
 powerful woman, you know what I would find prettier.
G: That's all I needed to hear.
 ...Yet another digit.

The titan grabbed its scythe, and with its blade severed the woman's head.
Now, that is some industrial precision.

# Ch.43: Ship to Gibraltar

In the water of the rising sun... (Not actually)
After doing the mandatory morning workout and having breakfast,
the nudist furry foxes were invited to the library.

F2: Oh, are we going to watch a movie?
Z: More or less, yes.
F6: Can I have that candy from the last time?
G: Sure thing.

Guy have her a bag of alegria.

F4: How about me?
F2: I also want that!
F3: I think some would be nice.

Everyone got a bag and sat down.

F5: What are we going to watch now?
J: Remember the first king?
F1: Of course, sir.
J: That was rhetorical! Anyways, he finally managed to lure in the emperor.
 Now he will try to defeat him.

The projector turned on. It showed a room, dark and cold.

F4: I don't see much going on.
J: Have some patience! We are seeing through the king's eyes.
 The emperor should arrive any moment now.

Five minutes later...

F5: Ugh, what is taking the emperor so long?
F3: Maybe he wanted to go to the restroom before?
F4: Oh, there he is!
J: *zzz*

Zack hit Jack with a newspaper.

J: Ah, I'm up... Oh, finally! *grabs popcorn*

The emperor went through the door. The king was waiting.
 A helmet obscured his head, and he had a gun on his hand.

E11: Gallant! What have you done to the land!?
K306: What had to be done.
E11: You fool! You cretin! You just destroyed centuries of work!
K306: But for whom? Did you ever care about the proles?
E11: Ask that yourself! They way or living was destroyed!
 Peace isn't free, and you decided to end it!
K306: Ha! What peace? I went for justice, and if you want some, bring it in.
E11: Ugh, gladly!

The doors closed, and so they started fighting.
Autocannon in hand, the king tried getting in some shots,
 some grazed, but most were dodged.

E11: Is that third generation tech!? Where did you get it from!?
K306: Just some random blokes. Mind to keep going?
E11: YOU WILL TELL ME, TRAITOR!

The emperor quickly approached.
They kept going for a few minutes.
 The king managed to get in some more grazing cuts and shots,
 but not so much could be said for him, taking the emperor's fists head on.
Eventually, enough of his ribs were cracked that he could no longer stand up.

K306: *cough* ...For someone who looks like and old man, you have plenty of fight.
E11: *Grabs him by the collar (the shirt collar, he isn't a dog)*
 Do not underestimate your superiors. Now, where did you get those guns from?
K306: I think there is another thing you may want to know.
 Mainly that all those blades and shots were poisoned.
E11: WHAT!?
K306: Now, you may be noticing that a lot of your wounds aren't gone,
 ...And that the air is filled with about a dozen toxins.
E11: Moron! This still isn't enough to kill me,
 but you aren't surviving this one! What was your big plan?
K306: Don't worry about that... Someone else will finish the job.
 Now how about you relax?
E11: No, how about I'm out!

E11 kicked the gates, but they didn't budge.

K306: ...Feeling weak? By the way... Could you bring me some water?
 I am kind of bleeding out in here.
E11: Ugh, my head... Do you think the gods won't scan your soul after you die?
K306: I'm sure they figured it out... Do you have a rose?...
 I would love to die with a rose...

And then Dale fell unconscious.

F6: *sleeping*
F1: *clap, clap, clap*
F5: Eh, I give it a six point five out of ten.
J: Did you get why fighting directly with an emperor is a bad idea?
F4: Yeah...
J: Now I must figure out how to catch his soul. Hmm...
 How about I use a sponge?
G: Well, I don't quite understand how your soul magic works,
 but that sounds rather sadistic.
J: A sponge it is, then!

The king's soul was placed inside a sponge.

Now, the moment nobody has been waiting for...
 An emperor's mind being harassed by a pool of slime.
The master rules the grand chessboard. In the square of the king he sits,
 moving the pieces to achieve an ineffable scheme inside the endless grid.
To those below him, he may be a god. To those above him,
 he's just an arrogant kid.
A simple cloud appears to cast a shadow on him.

E11: Ugh, I really bungled up that one.

The cloud speaks.

Z: In three hundred years more than a thousand were lost.
 State your defense.
E11: Who's there?
Z: It doesn't matter. You should answer.
E11: Um... Well, you must admit they were easier times back then.
Z: So is death.
E11: So extremist! W-what's wrong with having a simple life?
Z: That is physically impossible.
E11: W-well, how did I do it then!?
Z: Out of sight, out of mind. The problems didn't disappear.
E11: You must be kidding me! I ended crime! I made all the streets clean!
 Nobody starved! What else could you possibly want!?
Z: It seems very clear that you did not understand, even in a thousand years.
E11: Y-you're just talking crazy! What kind of trial is this!?
Z: Your last one. Do you have any finishing remarks?
E11: Well, I just can't imagine that there's anything I missed.
Z: And would you be inclined to see?
E11: What? N-no way, people are just born-

Bad choice of words. Lightning struck him twice in a row,
 which pretty much turned him into toast.

F6: *yawn* ...Did something happen? I fell asleep.
F5: Just the usual. Some king fought against an emperor,
 and a kid was killed by lightning.
F6: Oh, alright. Can I have some more candy?
G: You already ate a lot. Any more would hurt your stomach.
F6: Awww.
F3: Why did you show us this?
J: Mainly so you could see how we do things. We ask stupid questions,
 we get stupid answers, and they get killed. Also I gut them.
F4: That doesn't sound very fair...
J: Bah! They had literal centuries to stop being riffraff.
 If they keep behaving like it after that, it is well deserved,
 as I have limited patience and time.
F2: Wait, what about you, 'C'?
G: ...You just have to cut your losses after a while. Sorry for that.
F2: Well, I guess I can't blame you. *feeling down*
J: Now, I don't care about this child's memories,
 so I will just do a quick hack on him and be back in a few hours.
 See ya. *leaves*
F1: What are we going to do now?
Z: You should already know what to do.
G: Just find something interesting! We are mostly waiting around so you coul-
 *Looking at screen* OH GOD WHAT IS THAT THING!?
Z: Those are some fifteen-metre waves. You should probably brace-

F4 grabbed the leg of a table bolted to the floor.

F4: I did it! What do I do now!?
Z: ...Within the next ten minutes.
F4: Oh.
Z: The weather seems so be worsening, so I will try submerging the ship.
F4: You can do that!?
Z: ...
Z: Stop asking such stupid things.
F3: I think that I will be going to the bathroom now.
Z: Go on. But bear in mind that I will be flooding the lower decks,
 so do not go there.

After protecting everything in the decks that wouldn't survive being soaked,
The ship successfully submerged and went under the waves.
The foxes were still at the library.

F2: Now I can't see out of the window! How deep are we?
G: Five miles deep. That's seven and a half-
Z: One hundred metres. We are a hundred metres deep.
F6: So five miles are a hundred meters?
Z: ...
G: I was kidding!

Never trust imperial units. They have ruined at least one Martian mission.
Just kidding.

# Ch.44: RGBCYMK scare

A battle cruiser slowly moved under the sea.
 The hull held pretty well, so no animalistic abominations were harmed.
Since the lower decks with all the fun things were mostly flooded,
 and they didn't have much to do inside their rooms,
 the creatures were still lounging in the library, reading books.

F1: I know this is strange to ask, but why are you so serious?
Z: Nothing mundane entertains me anymore; the value just washed away.
 Science and Engineering are the only things that motivate me.
F1: That sounds rather sad.
Z: That is The Cost, but I manage. How about you?
F1: ...I don't know yet. You are good company though.
Z: I can say the same. At least you are tolerable. Most of the time.
F5: *reading book silently*
 'THE conscious and intelligent manipulation of the
 organized habits and opinions of the masses is
 an important element in democratic society.'
F5: Huh. I guess that's why it had 'EVIL' pasted on the cover.
F4: This library sure has some variety. I guess that is for knowing the enemy?
F6: *reading printout*
'Nudists, as a group, are healthier sexually than the general population.'
 I guess that makes sense.
F2: I don't think any of this makes sense! *looking at LPD monitor*
'Hong Kong will always be a British territory,
 and nobody will ever pay $8 for a Mocha Frappuccino'
 What does any of that mean? Why they seemed like universal laws?
F3: I think that a Frappuchino is a very fancy coffee,
 but I am not much of a coffee drinker myself, so I do not know.
F2: Have any of us actually tried coffee?
F3: I'm not actually sure.
G: Well, the "antidote" from back then was like coffee minus the flavor.
F4: Then it's definitely not very good.
F2: Can you explain what he meant here though?
G: Of course, but for that, let's start with some history...

Later that afternoon...

G: ...It is basically the real-life version of SCP-3125,
 although just deducing its existence may or may not get you vaporized.

In my opinion, that author was as high as a kite.

F6: I don't feel vapor-y right now.
F3: What were we talking about?
F2: Wait, what is SCP-3125?
G: Well...
J: *Opens door* I'm done with the kid.
F1: There is one person still.
F1: Sir-
J: I know, I know.
 Let me just do a quick background check to know who I'm dealing with.
J: *looking at computer*
J: ...
J: That. Motherfucker.
G: Wait, who?
J: Want to see for yourself? *turns monitor*
G: Oh.
Z: Oh.
J: I'll be quick with this one.

A man. A collection of glass swans.
 He can't handle them so broken shards are strewn around the white background.
The writer definitely isn't being lazy.
Death comes with a 4-gauge, because a mere blade apparently wasn't enough.

J: *crunch, crunch*
E1: Who's there!?
J: *BOOM*
J: Death. How's that, huh!?
 I bet that you ate babies for breakfast and had new puppy slippers every day!

Having his torso removed was quite the shock, but looking at his face,
 one could deduce that he was trying to say: "The fuck are you talking about-
 AHHH THE PAIN!"

J: Let me fix that face... *stock smack* There.

Within his last seconds, Jack spat on him, twice, teabagged him,
 and fed him Flamin' Hot Cheetos. In very quick succession.

G: ...I don't even want to know what he's doing to that person.
Z: He is-
G: Don't tell me!
F5: Can I see?
Z: Yes.
G: No!

The rest of the days on the ships were rather uneventful.  
 They would occasionally go through rough seas, or bomb giant squids,
 but overall, they reached their destination without a hitch.
In the Bradley,
 the Waterfox(es) reached a blackish coast surrounded by such dark
 and oppressive skies that they were actually comparable to London's.
Then they got on the nearby two-lane road.
 Unfortunately, they hit a toll road within thirty seconds of travel.
To make matters worse, the thug^H^H^H^Hoperator was a bear.
A sun bear.
Z: I would like to remind you that the air is quite polluted in here,
 so it would be best if you put your helmets on.
 I modified them so they could see your face.
F4: Shouldn't you have done that earlier?
Z: People do not tend to like them either ways, so it's better to be safe.
G: Just put your helmets on, open the driver's hatch,
 and casually talk to the operator, alright?
F5: Yeah, yeah, fine. I think I would be better off without black lung.

F1 opened the hatch.

100: Ellur. Dowly day, innit?
F1: Uhhh... Hello?

The bear had a Hull accent,
 from the only place with more sucks per square metre than London,
 but fortunately for us humans, not nearly as large.
Honestly, I find it physically painful to write such an accent,
 so just imagine that everyone speaks like that in an Alaska-sized Hull.
 *shiver*

100: It'll be ten pence.
F1: We are not from here. Do you accept gold doubloons?
100: Yes, I know that. How about you show me the coins?
F1: Sure.
100: Heheheh. You just made my day. You can pass.
F1: Thanks... Mister?
100: Actually, I'm a lady.
F1: Oh, sorry.
100: I'm joking. Actually, I have both.
F1: D-:,'
J: WHAT!? This needs some investigation!

Unfortunately, Guy pressed the accelerator,
 so Jack did not have the time to do a sex check.
Next up.

G: Easy, easy...

They tipped over a gas light.

G: Why did you do that!?
J: Marking the territory. And I hate gas lighting.
F4: What do we do now?
G: Just look for a place where people seem to be relaxing,
 and gently ask some questions.
F2: Oh, how about that cafeteria on the corner?
Z: Good idea.

Since it wasn't a drive-through, they entered the cafeteria on foot.
 Its clientele was composed of mostly sun bears and a few cat geckos.
 The animal, not some chimeric abomination. 

The FX'es sat next to some bears who were having "brekkie".
F1: Good morning.
444: Good morning. Not to sound prejudiced, but you're not from here, are you?
F1: *Is he even speaking english?*
F3: Uh, no.
444: Figures. What brings you here to our glorious premises?
J: What is that accent!?
Z: I did not understand a word of what he said.
F1: Sorry, I do not understand.

Their commentaries are translated for my convenience.

444: "Why-did-you-come-here".
F3: Oh. It was because of... Tourism.
444: Alright. Could I talk to just one of you? It's very confusing.
F2: What?
444: Forget it. Do you have some questions about the place?
 I'm more sociable than most, so ask away.
F2: Uhhh...
444: "Ask-me-anything-I-can-answer".
F1: Oh, how do we get breakfast? We already ate, but we would like to know.
444: Usually,
 you would get a ticket in the morning and exchange it for a meal.
 But since you're not citizens,
 you would have to exchange it for gold or get an official seal.
F4: *nodding* Uh-huh.
F3: How do you you pay for goods?
444: I have a job. I get paid in vouchers for items.
F2&4&6: *nodding* Uh-huh.
F3: Who manages things in here?
444: Well, that depends on what scale you're talking about.
 There's mayor Steelen, some district manager I don't know,
 and our glorious imperial leader Maslow.
444: They make sure that everyone has a job, clothing, housing, food, water,
 electricity, healthcare, transportation, entertainment,
 heating, lighting, education, furniture, friends and family...
F1-6: *nodding synchronously*
444: You didn't understand anything of what I said, right?
J: Forget it, this is taking too long. Just stare at him while I use hypnosis.

And so they did. They also stole his daily tickets.
They kept walking until they found the local administrative building.
Near the entrance, a bear was bullying a gecko.

9323: There's a bunch of mud at the entrance
 and I don't want to get my boots dirty.
 Could you kindly?
5932: ...Sure.

The gecko laid on the mud and literally let the bear step over him.

F3>5932: What compels you to do such a thing?
5932: It's kind of my job,
 and I don't mind, for I know that rebellion isn't the answer.
F4: Isn't that kind of degrading?
5932: I will not return violence with violence,
 for I know that goodness will prevail. Gary will save us...
5932: Now, will you continue the cycle,
 or will you lay your comrade a helping hand?
J: I need you to give him a helping foot, all over his back.

The very heavy foxes stepped on the gecko.
 Not a comfortable massage.

# Ch.45: Not criminal if voluntary

After breaking some bones,
 the orange 7-toroidal organisms (Jack not included)
 entered the palatial administrative building.

F4: So, why did we step over him exactly?
J: I just like to crush the foolish souls who think they are so above it all,
 just because they believe in unachievable goals.
J: They think they are all high and mighty for being cowards,
 and that disgusts me.
F2: Uhh, ok?
F3: Do you have any other commentaries?
Z: Nietzsche was an immature toddler.
G: I don't know what to say, so no commentary.
3432: The hell are you talking about?

The secretary at the reception was deeply confused.

F1: Sorry for that. We need to visit the mayor. Soon.
 *Penetrating hypnosis stare*
3432: ...Yeah, sure. She's free right now.
 Screw Smedley's appointment, I never liked that fool.

After a bit more hypnotizing,
 our comrades with absolutely no correlation
 to a certain news channel left the building.
 Again stepping over the gecko while on their way.

5932: *whimper*
F6: He's quite convenient.
F2: What did you find?
J: Barely five minutes have passed! Give me some fucking time!
F2: What do we do then?
G: How about you have some fun?
 There must be somewhere to pass the time in this city.
F4: There's a disco right there.
G: Huh, how convenient. Have some fun then.

The disco SUCKED. The record player only had The B**tles, T*e P*l**e,
 J**t*n Bi***r, ******* and [DATA EXPUNGED];
 the hilariously outdated lighted dancefloor looked like it had
 not been maintained since they installed it in the iron age;
 the alcohol tasted like, well, alcohol; the bartender was a cardboard cutout;
 and seriously, who goes to a nightclub at 1023 Juliett!?
Still, it had some geckos, and the foxes were having some fun.
 F4 and F5 were trying to dance, F2 was cheating at French Tarot,
 F3 and F6 were talking to some geckos at the bar,
 and F1 was playing darts on an inexplicably present dartboard.

1000: *cough* *cough* ...I think there may be a tuberculosis epidemic.
J: WELL DUH! You think!? I think that's what she said.
G: He? She?
Z: Ask him if he has ever heard of wet scrubbers.
F3: Have you ever heard of wet scrubbers?
1000: No, what's that? *coughs out chunk of lung*
1000: Anyways, I have to work at the thermoelectric tomorrow, so wish me luck.
1080: Good luck Hank.
1080: By the way, are you two going out?
F6: What?
1000: "Are-you-two-lovers?"
F6: No?
F3: Why do you ask?
1080: Well, perhaps we could...
F6: What gender are you?
1080: Can that be a surprise?

Meanwhile, at the dance floor...

F5: The music here sucks.
F4: Yeah.
J: DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE THAT? CHECK YOUR BACKPACK.
F5: Sure.

Out F5's backpack left at the corner,
 he pulled out a single vinyl, and you knew it was good,
 because it exuded an ominous, reality-warping aura.
 The grooves flowed like water,
 and the funny animal on the label looked alive, staring at them.

G: What did you do this time?
J: Nothing, I just offered them some real music.
Z: You were supposed to be working.
F4: I don't feel good about this one.
F5: Eh, whatever. It can't be worse than what they have already.

F5 opened the record player, threw out Y*llow S*bm*rine,
 replaced it with the vinyl, then put everything back together and hit play.
It surely was a rave. Soon, the whole skulk was dancing and partying hard.
 Meanwhile,
 the poor geckos were hallucinating and foaming through their mouths.
 Some screamed, some kicked, some tried to pull out their eardrums,
 But alas, they could not take all the noise, and fell unconscious.
The foxes, on the other hand, did not notice.
After exactly seventeen tracks, the *very* LP record finished.

J: Alright, I know the district manager's location.
F2: Great!
J: But he isn't awake until a few more hours.
 Do you mind listening to some more music?
F3: Maybe.
Z: This can count as the daily workout if you want.
F3: No, I do not mind at all.
J: Great! The B-side is more of the same,
 so you can have some extra vinyls in case you get bored.

The foxes must have had some amazing stamina,
 either that or the records had some abnormal effect,
 because they kept dancing for around seven hours.
After that, they got on the car and went to another town.
The DM's (Or GM's) town was actually quite small,
 mostly occupied by a building like the Palace of Westminster,
 except that it had a statue instead of the clock.

G: Alright, he should already be in here.
F6: So we just enter or...?
J: Yes! We already gave you an appointment!

Most of the interior had been refurbished to accommodate offices.
Upon entering,
 they were asked to remove their helmets since the air inside was filtered.
 They did,
 and ended up seeing the DM inside of what should have been the robing room.
He was a rather unassuming cat gecko, although taller than usual.
 Furthermore, he was alone and visibly distressed.

K290: Water...
F2: Uh, are you fine?
K290: No... I asked my assistant to bring me water two hours ago.
 Please get that dog. And bring me some water.

He laid a keyring on the table.

F4: Can't you do it yourself?
K290: Too much work... Can't leave my chair...
F5: How about literally anyone else?
K290: Almost no one enters this place... Please.
F5: Ugh, fine. But you'll owe us a favour.
F1: Do you know where your assistant is?
K290: Just look for him... He knows where to get my water.
F6: Can't you drink normal water?
K290: Just go!

The catalase-enriched canids went in search of the other canid.

F3: At least he was intelligible.
G: Guys, we might have a problem.
 Most of this building is transparent to divine oversight.
F5: So we can't-, Cannot-, K-, FUCK!
J: Idiot! Don't talk about regicide if they are listening!
Z: Attacking a king under their oversight would be a very bad idea.
 We will have to think of another scheme.
G: Just keep asking for the dog now.
F1: Sir, have you seen a dog come by this place recently?
26: Well, I think that I saw him go into the bathroom a while ago.
 Now that I think about it, I have not seen him leave.
 What what his name again?
F6: Why can't everyone speak as clearly as you?
26: Ah, I think that has to do with education, miss.

The bathroom was locked. Fortunately though,
 the gecko's ring contained a bathroom master key.
Inside was a Toller reading from a stack of furry porn and Birding magazines.

77: *Covers crotch with magazine* #O_O#
F1: Um, are you the DM's assistant?
77: *nod*

F6 opened one of the magazines.

F1: Do you know that he asked that for some water two hours ago?
77: *surprised facepalm*
F5: Are you mute or something?
77: *nod again*
F5: Oh, alright.

After zipping up his onesie, the dog accompanied them down the hall.

F6: We do somewhat look like him.
F3: Do you know where to get your employer's water?
77: *mildly annoyed nod*
F2: Hey, what is your name? 
77: *Shrug*
F3: You do not know?
77: *Jesus his neck must hurt from all the nodding*
F6: I also forget my name sometimes.
F5: By the way, do you like your job? 
77: *dismissive shrug*                
F4: I guess that means so-so.

The group reached a storage room with a keypad.
The Toller enter the combination, then pointed at the door lock.

F1: Yes, your employer gave us the keys.
 I do not know which one it is, though.

The dog approached F1 and touched a key.

F1: That one? Alright then.

They entered the storage room.
 Inside were several shelves containing water bottles and sprayers,
 office supplies, ball gags and the like.
After closing the door, F6 Grabbed the dog's head and pointed it at her face.

F6: Could you look at me for a second?
77: *Someone's getting horny*
Z: We are quite lucky. This storage room is protected from divine oversight.
F5: How do you even know that?
Z: We emit magical pulses from your drysuits
 to analyze the surrounding properties.
 The mechanism is similar to radar.
F6: Can I stop staring at him? My eyes feel uncomfortable.
J: No, as long as you stare, he will not see anything else.
F3: Would it not be easier to "convince him" that we are good?
J: No, because he would still kinda remember! Also I wanted Freya to suffer.

Typical of Jack.

# Ch.46: The concrete dissolution

Although currently clothed, the nudist foXXXes were back at the DM's office.

F1: We brought you your wate-

The DM grabbed the tray, drank two of the water bottles,
 and used the atomizer to spray himself, just for good measure.
Then he grabbed his assistant by the collar (The neck collar, he WAS a dog),
 and shook him repeatedly.

K290: WHY DID YOU TAKE SO GODDAMN LONG!? I COULD HAVE DIED!
K290: I'M A BUSY PERSON, YOU KNOW!? WHY DID YOU FAIL ME LIKE THAT!?
77: ...
K290: LOOK AT ME!

He gave him a nice, very long (20s) stare in the eyes.

F4: Uhhh... Sir?
F5: I think he's broken.

F6 tried poking the DM.

G: Please don't poke him.
F6: Aw.
K390: Did you people tamper with my assistant?
F2: What? No, of course not-
K390: I can very clearly see that a pen went missing from my inventory.
 And that you hypnotized my assistant.
F2: Well, maybe my hands were a bit sticky...
F1: Yes, we did. Sorry for that.
K390: Ugh, you foxes are so... Forget it. You can keep it,
 I have dozens of them. I will let it pass since you brought me my water.
K390: And seventy-seven. Seriously, just don't do THAT, alright?
77: *nodding repeatedly*
K390: *releasing 77* *sigh*, so you tourists wanted to know about me, right?
F6: *nodding*
K390: Well, *loosens Eldredge tie, A.K.A. eldritch tie*
 since you bothered to visit me, I guess that I will start. I'm Bob,
 and I was born in a simple rural home...

The f(0x35) pretended to take notes.
After their little interview, they went to a hotel.
 It was a tower of unpainted, brutalist concrete.
 The rooms were cold and definitely not comfy.

F3: The floor is too cold on my paws.
F5: Do these idiots seriously call this place a hotel?
 Why would anyone design a building like this?
J: I will give you a hint: It starts with an E.
F6: ...
F6: Ohhh... I got it.
F1: Could you please tell me? Wait, I think that I got it.
G: Faber, ego is maybe the cause but not really the term for it.
F1: Awww...
G: Well,
 I think that this place could improve
 quite a bit with some interior decoration.
 How about you go to the Bradley and get some?

Our unlicensed interior designers took the time to
 install a woolen rug with simple geometrical patterns,
 cover the dilapidated concrete with plain creamy wallpaper,
 install a boat painting or two, and put lampshades on the lamps.

G: Much better.
F4: So, what was the plan with the DM? I didn't follow.
J: Very simple. Tamper with his water, make him think we just stole his pen,
 and hypnotize him through the dog so he doesn't realize what happened.
F4: That doesn't sound very simple.
J: Whatever. The thing is that we likely outsmarted him.
F6: Likely?
Z: Time will tell. I hope that we can dissimulate the hypnosis part.
F4: YOU HOPE!? We are doomed...

F4 fainted like a nineteenth century woman. Fortunately, he was caught by F6.

Z: Did he drink water recently?
F5: I don't think so.

After having F4 recover and rehydrate,
 he had dinner alongside his [INSERT RELATION HERE]
They prepared some Greek salad and fish-filled pirozhki.
Unfortunately, they still had no cheese, so they basically raped the recipe.
 At least they managed to steal some wheat from that place inspired by Greece,
 and they also had cranberry mors.

F2: Hey Finn, can I call you brother?
F4: Uh, sure. But why would you do that?
F2: Well you kind of feel like that to me. What do you think?
F4: I don't know. Everything has happened so fast, and I'm really confused.
F6: Do you want to sit on my lap?
F4: Sure.

F6, A.K.A. Cuddle Commander.

F1: I do not know how to classify our relationship either. I like master-
J: BOOORING!
F1: ...But I would not know what to call you.
F3: I think that this problem stems from the fact
 that we know each other as much as ourselves, which is to say, very little.
F1: That is probably correct.
F4: Can we say that we are kinda mates?
F2: EW!
F4: Wait that's not...

Later, the kits kipped and dreamed of non-electric sheep.

Meanwhile, Bob had a throbbing headache.
 He called his assistant to check if someone else had tampered with him.
This time, upon looking at him, he felt rather uneasy,
 but did not find anything.
After a hard night of work, he went to his house and slept while still in pain,
 at the same time that the foxes awakened.
But let's not get too ahead of ourselves.

F3: I had a strange dream...
J: Correct. I fiddled with your brains.
F3: Why?
Z: A normal person would say it was to train...
J: I was bored.
F2: What are we going to do today?
G: According to 'A',
 the emperor and the DM will have a meeting in the next few days,
 and he will use him to possess the emperor, so I guess we are done here.
J: Hey! Don't steal my lines!

Jack already has hogged too many. The bastard...

F2: Is it fine if we leave the room like this?
Z: Unfortunately, no.
 Decorating a room would probably give us a worse reputation than trashing it.
J: Fill it with petrol and set it on fire! Then blame it on the wiring!
F5: Great!
F3: Did anything in particular cause you to be so elated?
J: What? No, I'm definitely not stealing infrastructure code from an emperor!
Z: Make sure to share it with us. I may be interested.

After lighting up their room,
 the skulk got on the car and left before they could ask about the fire.
Zack had to leave, since he still had one person left to deal with.
 That person was Bob. He "awoke" inside his room, yet he could not move,
 feeling paralyzed from the neck below.

K290: Oh boy.

A shadow extended from below his bed.

K290: Oh fuck!
Z: I think that I need no introduction.
K290: N-no.
Z: I also have heard quite a bit about the things you did,
 so there is no need to repeat yourself.
K290: Wait, I am famous?
Z: No. You just have quite the long tongue for someone so paranoid.
 Now, state your case, and you may be spared.
K290: ...Alright. Where do I start?
Z: At the beginning?
K290: Alright, alright. Look, the past world wasn't gentle,
 and often not very fair.
Z: Do you think that I have not been there?
K290: Nonono! Of course not! But as you know,
 you didn't get to the top by being nice.
Z: Sure. Go on.
K290: So, I defended myself!
 I may have come off as paranoid or nasty, but I survived!
 Can you really judge me for that?
Z: No, I am not. What I really want to ask, is what was your step two.
K290: What?
Z: Step two. The thing you do after you pull through.
K290: W-. Are you insane!?
 After all these years I managed to eeke out a mere pretense of stability,
 and you ask me to throw it all away!? There are even bigger fish out the-
Z: Stop. I have heard enough. If stasis is what you want,
 then you may have it.

The room started cooling rapidly.

K290: You can't go against it! You can only nod along!
 What can a single man... Do against the world?
Z: People like you shall never know.

It's rather difficult to accurately judge if all you do is sit on your ass.
Who would have thunk.

# Ch.47: Impotent & insecure (Just to be sure)

The animals after which this work was not named reached the border.
 This time, it was composed of a wall so tall,
 that it eclipsed the morning sun from two kilometres away.

F5: How the hell are we going to evade this one?
G: This time, we will be entering the legal way.
F2: Huh?
G: Apparently, the next empire has an "open borders" policy,
 meaning that you technically can enter without breaking in.
Z: In actuality, the "legal" method is equally impossible.
J: Are you finished with the lizard?
Z: Yes. You can deal with the rest.
J: Nice. *leaves*
F3: If the options are equally difficult, why should we do it the legal way?
J: *turns back and runs toward desk* Ah, you see!
 This is by far the absolute worst place you have visited yet.
Z: The security is equally impenetrable inside as on the border.
 So we would instantly get caught.
F6: Ahhh...
F4: If it's so terrible, can't we avoid the place?
G: Unfortunately, no. Apart from being massive,
 this empire goes from coast to coast,
 and we are still missing a few emperors, so...
F5: Yeah, yeah, I got it.
J: This place is the the Mother Of All Badness,
 where you get a MOAB for "lacking in kindness".

Zack started dragging Jack towards the exit.

J: It has just the right mixture of good to make you THINK they are OK,
 and then BAM! They burn you at the stake! The architecture is also strange...
G: Just be very careful with this place.
F1: Yes, sir.
F2: What's a MOAB?

They [the foxes] kept driving.
At the base of the wall, there was a single guard booth.
 Upon seeing some visitors, the guard made sure to hide the booze.

F1: Hello.
7891: Uh-um, hello.
F3: We are looking to visit the place behind these walls.
7891: Sure. We don't get visits often, so pardon me if I get something wrong.
7891: *looking at clipboard* Let's see... Are you carrying any WMDs?
F3: Could you be more specific?
7891: Nerve agents?
F1: Yes.
7891: Biological agents?
F1: I do not think so.
7891: Um, nuclear material?
F3: Probably.
7891: Class III spellbooks?
F1: We are not carrying any books.
7891: *wipes sweat* Alright. Could you, ummm... Not bring those?
 They are prohibited in here. A-and they will check your inventory anyways.
F3: We will consider it. Are any other items prohibited?
7891: Y-yes. Do you possess any firearms?
F1: Yes.
7891: Military vehi- oh wait, I think that's obvious.
 Uh, bladed objects under eight inches?
F1&3: *tilts head*
7891: Twenty centimeters of length?
F3: Oh. No, not really.
7891: ABOVE twenty centimeters?
F1: Yes.
7891: Personal armor?
F1: Yes.
7891: Exotic plants or animals?
F1: Probably.
7891: Do you use any Class II or above spells?
F3: Could you explain?
7891: Well, things l-like summoning a fireball would be a class III...
F1: Yes.
7891: *Sweating profusely* A-alright.
 There's a field that will disable them upon entering,
 so mind that if you have some kind of enchanted valuables.
F1: Does that include imperial gold?
7891: N-no, I don't think so. You can still use it as currency if you have it.
F1: Anything else?
7891: I-I think that's enough.
 You will have to get rid of all that if you want to enter.
 I will also have to report-
F1: Could you not? *Hypnotic stare*
7891: ...S-sure. I didn't see anything at all. H-have a good day!
___________________________________________________________.
.____v____.                                                | 
|,#######'|                                       JZ&G     |
|#   #    |                                                |
|  ,#     |                                                |
>  #  ##, < #                                              |
|  # '   #| #    __                                        |
|  '#    #| ### |__\                                       |
|____###'_| # # \__    Foxes got out of the Bradley.       |
'    ^    '            Then they dropped their gear,       |
                            and entered.                   | 
                                          So dramatic!     |
___________________________________________________________|
Basically the car drove away with most of their stuff.
 Now they only had their drysuits and backpacks (ain't no rule!).
They passed through a hundred-metre long tunnel
 before reaching the other side of the wall.
F5 went to the intercom.

F5: Hey, mind calling us a cab?
7891: Y-yeah, no problem. W-where do you want to go?
F5: Dunno. Where is the emperor?
7891: Emperor?
F6: The most important person?
7891: Ah, y-you mean the representative, right?
 Well, there are plenty of them, usually one per realm...
F3: Could you get us to the nearest one then?
7891: How are you talking through the same...? N-nevermind.
 The land near his citadel is off-limits,
 but I can leave you at a hotel near it.
F5: Alright. It better be good or I'll kick your ass.

The vixens and reynards got onto the long car. The trip took quite a while.

F2: So, how does this car run?
8959: I'm just a driver ma'am. For all I know, gas is added to the tank,
 I turn a key, and it just works.
F2: Oh, alright.
F4: Hold on, what if your car breaks down?
8959: I call the mechanic like anyone else.
F4: And what if it is something really minor?
8959: Again, I'm no mechanic, so I just send the car to them.
F6: Wouldn't it be easier to do it yourself?
8959: Look. I'm already risking enough by driving a limousine,
 and I ain't gonna mess with one of these steel beasts when there
 are already a million things that could go wrong in my life.
 If they get killed, that's a problem for their wives.
 If *I* get killed, that's a problem for MY wife.
8959: And please don't keep asking questions, because I'm not a talker.
F5>4: *whispering* What a pussy...

The city itself was designed somewhat like DC:
 With insane amounts of green grass,
 streets arranged to form a P1 tiling for all
 those pentagrams (and because screw logistics);
 And very minimalistic buildings of either white marble or blue glass,
 shaped like plain boxes with maybe a few windows for the white ones.
The earth (of foxes) exited the car upon arriving.

F6: It smells strange in here.
G: It's probably because they have to keep all that grass trimmed.

They entered the hotel and went to the counter.

F5: *puts gold coin on desk* We need your best room.
212: Um...
F5: *Another* Could this change your mind?
212: Sir-
F5: *Yet another* How about this?
212: Sir you're buying the entire hotel!
F3: Do you have some change then?
212: N-no...
F3: Oh, well.
 Could you tell us where we can get more information on this city?
212: Yeah... I-I'll call Irwin. She should come in a few minutes.
F1: Thanks, lady.
212: Is it fine if I call my boss to do the paperwork?
F6: I'm starving.
F4: We are in a bit of a hurry.
212: Ok, I'll call Irwin first.

After a while, a rare in context, foxed, foxed, slightly foxed, foxed-looking,
definitely not foxy-looking, somewhat foxy-smelling fox-person appeared,
 carrying a can of foxy foxed beer and wearing
 shoes that probably needed some foxing.
I should probably stop messing with dictionaries.

# Ch.48: The best excuse

The foxes were standing in a trolleybus, alongside their tourist guide,
 who was also a fox.

23: To the right, you can see the monuments to the fallen.
 From the first to two-hundredth war, and they continue to the left.
 I am legally obligated to say that they were
 all preemptive and *totally* justified.
F6: When are we getting to the restaurant?
23: When this bastard driver gets there. Hey, hurry the fuck up!
F2: Why were there so many wars?
23: Again,
 I am legally obligated to say they were because of totally reasonable,
 but undisclosed motives which *definitely* included the good of the people.
F3: And what is your actual opinion?
23: I am legally obligated... Alright, you get the point.
 And I don't want a legion knocking on my door.
F4: Well, then... What was your name again?
23: I'm Irwin. The best and only foxy tour guide in this incredibly awful dump.
F1: Irwin, Could you tell us more about this realm?
23: Well, there is not much to say. Our main export is soldiers,
 our main import is soldiers in shoe boxes,
 our biggest industry is crushed dreams,
 and this city specializes in lawnmowers.
23: According to the representatives, there have been no bad representatives.
 Except for Rose, who was declared unfit the moment he made his first speech.
F5: Hold on, who decided that?
23: Dunno.
Z: We should investigate that.
23: Wait... You didn't hear anything of what I said.
 That was the beer talking.
F4: You are allowed to drink on the job-
23: OH LOOK A FIRE HYDRANT!

Irwin threw the beer out of the other window,
 even though all the foxes saw her do it.
After a while, they got to the restaurant.

23: Alright here is "l'eau grasse", allegedly the best restaurant in here.
 And I have no idea of what the name is supposed to mean.

They approached the maitre d'hotel.

1111: Do you have a reservation, miss?
23: Even better,
 I have some six tourists with more cash than your entire clientele.
 How about you show her?

F1 Gave a gold coin to the head waiter.

1111: Oh, uh... Come in, please. Does the tour guide need a cane-?
23: I CAN STILL WIPE MY OWN ASS, MISTRESS!
F4: How old are you exactly?
23: I'm twenty-seven.
F5: Wow, you look like you're fifty.
23: Thanks! Most people say that I look seventy.

The waitresses made sure to kick out all the other clients and
 rearrange the tables so they could sit together, tourist guide included.

23: You know, this is very nice of you.
1111: Here is the menu, fine people.
F2: Ummm... What is this thing?
1111: Oh, that one is called "The chirping".
 It consists of a bed depicting the autumn leaves of late winter,
 going back to the ground to form new life...
F6: What part am I supposed to eat?
1111: The olive in the middle.
 ...It's an appetizer.

The leash ordered their food.
 After having Irwin order two bottles of wine and consuming
 a hefty amount of bread, they finally got their dishes.

F3: I think that this tastes as good as it looks.
F5: An incoherent mess?
F3: Correct.
23: I think the meat tastes like grilled rat.
 ...Not that I have actually tried it.
23: At least the wine isn't that bad!
 are you sure you don't want some? I can't get THAT drunk on the job.
F1: Yes.
23: So that means...? Ugh, whatever.
 At least it's somewhat better than the stuff from the liquor stor-
 *looks at back of bottle* This is from the fucking liquor store!
F3: Well, wine is an acquired taste, so I am not to judge.
F5: Wine tastes so bad you have to delude yourself into not finding it bad,
 so I am to judge.
F4: That's kinda ironic coming from you.
F5: I was a beer connoiseur!
F6: I'm still hungry.
F2: Me too.
F1: We will have to order some more, then.
F4: Uh, I'm good.

They ordered some more overdesigned-looking and tasting,
 ant-sized dishes before feeling full. They they got onto another trolleybus.

23: Well, now you know. If you want to eat overpriced paintings,
 you can go to the art gallery.
F2: Where are we going now?
23: This trolley passes through the administrative center.
 In a while we will be seeing the legal library,
 which is totally open to inquiry if you have a million licenses.
F6: Uh-huh.
23: Also, if you squint really hard to the left,
 you should be able to see the representative's citadel,
 because he loves you sooo much that you're
 not allowed to be within a mile of him.
F3: Do you dislike this city?
23: Nonono! Of course not!
 I definitely love waking up at five in the morning to the sound
 and smell of a hundred retards mowing the grass under every bench,
 and then getting a gun pointed to my head for not liking them or something.
 In fact, I just LOVE how they threaten me for doing fucking anything.
 Drinking off your salary? Nooo, that's public indecency.
 Swearing without a license? Public indecency.
 Buying duct tape?
 Better keep those those dishes in fragments because you'll need a license!
G: Good thing we emptied the trolley.
F5: That's a lot of words.
F4: So, why did you decide to be our tour guide?
23: Uh, that hotel girl thought that it was better if you
 had a fox guide in case that you were racist or something.
 Plus, I am in the top three. Out of three.
23: Oh, there's the library. Do you want to see it?
F3: Perhaps later.
23: Well then. Our next stop is the community center.

They entered the "c""o""m""m""u""n""i""t""y" centre. Scare quotes.
 They saw a concierge taking notes,
 And the interior resembled a cavernous bunker.

23: Yeah, so basically this is the crematorium where the dead men walking-
192937983>23: ...
23: I mean, the great place provided by our generous
 overlords as a shelter for the downtrodden,
 and also the populace when bombs are falling.
192937983: Did Irwin come back crawling-
23: Shut up! I'm doing a tour right now!
F1: What kind of shelters do you have?
192937983: This shelter offers one-by-one-by-two
 meter rooms for the entire city, free of charge.

In Japan, you pay for pod and like it.

F2: What!? My room is like, fifty times larger than that!
Z: Sixty-two point five to be exact. Standard containment.
192937984: That is not my problem ma'am. You have a right to it.
G: Waitwaitwait-
F6: I refuse.
Z: *Facepalm*

The guards and tramps in the lobby stared at them.

Z: We are toast. Do whatever you want.
F4: Wait, what?
192937984: Excuse me?
F6: I don't even fit inside.
192937984: Look ma'am, this is your right.
 You may not even touch the damn room, but you can't flat out refuse!
F6: I'd rather sleep on the floor.
J: Hey, I just finished with the- FUCK DID YOU DO!?
G: Freya just said.... You know... 23: Uhhh... Forgot to tell you about that.
23: Actually, I don't know you at all, so I will be going on my merry way...

The guards locked the doors.

192937984: You aren't going anywhere!
 You just spat upon the gifts given to you by the administration! All of you!
J: Ugh, whatever! Just kill them! And don't let them escape!
23: Aw, come the fuck on! Why am I to blame? Have you never had a bad client?
192937984: You are a godsdamn menace and have dozens of warrants,
 so you deserve plenty of time behind bars.
23: Well, in that case... EAT FLAMING DEATH, CUNTS! THIS PLACE IS FULL OF SHIT!
Z: Freya, I will need to tuck your hair inside the drysuit.
G: So it has come to this...
J: Time to test your melee skills!
Z: There are smoke grenades in your left pocket. Grab and activate them now.
F1: Understood. *Reaches pocket*
G: Now hold your breath...

Politics 101 kids. Just kill everyone that disagrees.

# Ch.49: Unbeknownst to the (gods|masses)

Most of the crowd died by the foxes' foxes in a few minutes.
A few highlights were F6 decapitating eight men in one swing of her sword,
 and the sixty-ninth victim, who accidentally tripped,
 hitting his head and dying instantly.
s e x o f r u O were currently busy incinerating the bodies,
 hypnotizing the witnesses, planting evidence,
 and stuffing the ashes into a random locker.

J: Awww! Their first human kills! They grow up so fast...
Z: We could deal with their souls later, but they are truly dead.
G: Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
 And Jack, could you have some more empathy?
J: Fuck off!

Funny bunny... Maybe the stress gets to him...
 Funny bnuuy.
Irwin was sitting in the floor amid the smoke.
 The three calamities had decided to give
 her a helmet, so she wasn't you know, suffocating.
 Fortunately, they didn't use the sulfamic acid this time.

F5: If anyone asks, the other folks did it.
23: Yeah, yeah, I don't have any interest in catching flak for my clients.
 But what about the other trash?
F1: We are working on that.
 Beware that the smoke is only visually opaque to divine oversight.
23: You must be shitting me. And how are you spamming those fireballs?
F4: We had a teacher who taught us in... Half an hour?
23: That sounds ridiculous, but you are like an endless fountain of ridiculous.
 On the other hand,
 I know for a fact that it isn't the first a giant murder has happened.
F2: What happened back then?
23: I think the dude got a raise or something,
 I didn't really mind at the time.
F3: The gods must not really care then.
23: Well, duh. In a less obvious theme,
 how does it feel to see all this violence you totally didn't commit?
F6: Eh.
F5: Didn't know them, didn't care.
F4: Well, it was me or them, and I'd rather be living...
F1: It is what had to be done.
F2: What about you?
23: Is that garbage receptionist dead already?
F3: No, not actually. We will need him as a witness.
23: Damn.

The fokses made sure to hide the remaining gear
 in their backpacks before leaving the facility.
When about to stash their helmets,
 they took a deep breath before exiting through the door.

23:*cough cough* Well, that was something.
F4: I think that our tour is over, isn't it?
23: Well, that's for you to decide. They already paid me for a month.
F3: I think that we had enough for today.
23: Well! It's been a pleasure meeting you.
 Now I won't have to worry about the bills for a while.
F6: Maybe you could repair your shoes.
23: *looks down* Ah, shit. I thought you didn't notice.
 I put on the old ones by accident today.
F2: Do you want to go with us?
23: Huh?
F2: I mean, we could do with one more companion on our group.
23: Well, if you say it like that...
 Should I stay in this awful mountain of shit,
 or go on a deranged adventure with some giant murderkits,
 which I barely know by the way? And why do you even care?
F2: *That smile*
J: Boredom.
23: ...I'm actually split here. Do you have something to convince me?
F1: Well, you could look at me in the eyes.
23: Alright, but how is that-
23: Motherfucker... *falls unconscious*

Irwin sat on the darkness. Her reflection was the only thing on the floor.
 She saw the reaper come.

23: Finally!
J: Oh, you are one of those.
23: The fuck does that even mean? Can't you just do your job already?
J: I'm self-employed and will do it whenever I want!
 First, let me ask you three simple questions.
23: Ugh, go on.
J: Who do you believe in?
23: No one.
J: *checks clipboard* Alright. What do you believe in?
23: Nothing.
J: *check* Uh-huh. What do you live for?
23: Just kill me already!
J: Look.
 I know you have all the reasons in this parody of a world to be annoyed,
 so I will tell you one thing: Leave.
23: Isn't that why you're here?
J: I won't give you the pleasure.
 You may rightfully complain all you want about where you are,
 but beyond these works of falsehood lies an endless expanse.
 If you are truly worthy, you will find just as much.

The reaper vanished in the shadows.

23: HEY! DON'T JUST LEAVE ME HANGING LIKE THAT!
 MOTHERFUCKER!

Meanwhile, F6 was tucking the mildewy fox into her bed.

F2: She isn't dead, right?
23: *SNORE*
F2: I think that's a no.
F4: What are we going to do about the door?
F5: Just leave the hole, I'm sure she will understand.
F3: Her apartment is rather gloomy.
J: Oh man, I am exhausted.
F1: What should we do now, sir?
J: *sigh* We have to go to the library,
 and follow the paper trail to see who is really in charge.
F6: Are you alright?
J: No, not really. I'm really, really tired.
F2: Do you want a hug?
J: That doesn't work in the office.
F3: Why are you so tired?
J: Things have been going way too fast on my side.
Z: The stress makes him swear every five seconds.
J: Fuck off!
F5: Hold on, you mean that normally he isn't an insane bastard?
G: Almost.
J: I miss having my body... And I feel horny...
F4: At least we are here for you.
J: Thanks.
F1: I don't mind if you use mine to satisfy your... Urges.
G: Uhhh, Are you sure?
J: You're suicidally loyal, but thanks.

After having Jack use F1 to get hugs, they went to the library.
 They managed to "convince" the librarian to let them in,
 and were currently parsing the papers,
 which mostly consisted of badly written crayon scribbles.

F1: How did any of these the stamp of approval?
F3: Well, the stamp of approval seems to be that potato on the counter.
F2: Here it is! It reads:
 'We hereby declare representative Rose to be a stinky
 loser and he should be removed immediately from office.
 Signed: Penn Pusher Council'.
F6: HeH+.
Z: Now we should see who hired and funded that council.

A few hours later,
 they had set up a corkboard with Technicolor(TM) strings and everything.

Z: The verdict is clear.
F4: Are you sure about that?
F5: It looks like a mess if you ask me.
Z: Judging by the type and amount of links,
 we can deduce that the true rulers are-
G: The representatives.
J: No! The Twins!
F3: That makes sense.
Z: Now we have to visit their address.
G: I hope these aren't just being used by someone off the record.
 It happens very often.
F6: *Yawn* Could we do that tomorrow?
G: Yeah, it's getting late. You can go to bed.

They snoozed indeed.
Meanwhile that morning...
 The DM was going to his weekly meeting with the SL.
 He stopped to pick up two 7068-T6 Aluminiuminum alloy attaches
 that were left amongst some tank (track) tracks.
Later, he arrived to the place.
 It was like the palace of the soviets, but with all dimensions doubled,
 making it a massive sight to behold. And definitely a waste of concrete.
Vulpeculae weren't able to see it becuase it was behind several mountains.
After going through an impractical amount of elevators,
 the DM was within the vast confines of the SL's office.
The SL was a middle-aged looking, moustached man fiddling his pockets.

E8: What do you have to show me this time?
K290: Here is my weekly report. *puts attache on counter*
E8: And what about that other one? Did you bring-

Unfortunately for the SL, the attache was actually a Claymore on steroids.
After having it explode on the SL's face,
 Bob immediately magdumped his sawed-off Benelli M4-gauge,
 which he had gotten from the other, overly long attache.

K290: No, it wasn't my flute collection.
K290: ...Might as well have a drink now that I'm here.

Bob took the time to serve himself a lowball of
 unsweetened, 80% ABV absinthe out of the nearby cabinet.
Now that is what I call a macho man.

# Ch.50: 2KY old

One GOD EMPEROR, one crime against nature, you know the deal.
He was busy painting his overpriced figurines
 when That Guy came to ruin his day.

Z: How much time have you wasted on that?
E8: Go away, antisocial.
Z: On the contrary, I am a realist. How can a society stand on silly games?
E8: These isn't just a silly game, idiot. Look at the board,
 lives are at stake.
Z: All the more reason to criticize.
 You think you are fair because you have rules, but they are not true.
 How can a board game compare to reality?
E8: Reality isn't fair, goddamnit! Here everyone starts off the same,
 and plays the same game.
Z: But a game it still is. The destiny of men is not for you to decide.
Z: Also, I have heard that paint is toxic.
E8: What- *Urgh*
Z: I have been running out of patience with your types.
E8: Y-you never had any!
Z: True. I honestly have better things to do.
E8: You!? *spewing foam*
Z: You would never know, for you have never left the board.

That Guy left through the door, leaving the GM to rot.
Meanwhile, Le goupils were waking up to the sound of a songbird.
 F6 went to the suite's balcony, grabbed the robin, and ate it whole.

F6: Mmmm... Needs some salt.

She spat out the inedibles.

F2: *Nudging F4* Hey! Wake up!
F4: ...Uhh, why?
F2: Because you will have to wake up eventually! And I'm bored!
F4: Well, at least it's better than having-
J: I DIDN'T RAISE TORVALDS! WAKE UP ALREADY!
F1: Yessir!
F4: I'm really hungry,
 but I don't think that I can eat that restaurant's food.
F1: We could go fishing. Is there a pond nearby?
G: Actually, yes! It's thirty minutes away if you call a taxi.
F6: I could have saved you some.
F4: Thanks, but I think that I prefer birds cooked.

The yiffers visited the local pond.

G: This pond is mostly clean.
F4: Mostly?
G: I mean, someone has lost the odd boot here and there,
 but it's probably safe.
F2: What should we do now?
J: Fishing?
F3: I do not know how to act like a fish.
J: I mean, just fish the- catch the fish!
F6: With my hands?
J: No! *disappointed exhale* ...Faber can explain.
F1: So, here is a cast net.
F6: *grabs net* Alright.
F1: First, you should tie the string to your left wrist.
 Then, grab the net at about one extended hand from the end with the string.
F6: Uh-huh.
F1: ...With your left.
F6: Oh.
F1: Join the end you are grabbing at about one third of the length,
 and pass your... Rightmost weight over your forearm.
F6: Mm-hm.
F1: Pass about half of the weights to your knee,
 grab inbetween those weights and your other hand.
 Then twist to your left, and throw the net while
 extending your arms and reaching forward with your left.
F6: *Casts net* Ok.
F1: Now drag the net towards yourself.

F6 caught two (2) minnows.

F1: I will need one of those.
F1: Filbert, do you think you can dive and find some mussels?
F3: How do you know there are mussels in here?
F1: *Points at mussels in pond*
F3: Oh.
G: You can also try to harvest the lotuses.
F2: Can I go for a swim?
G: Sure, but please bring back some food.

F1 used the minnow as bait, then cast his rod.
 An inspector came to bother them after a while.
 He had not done so earlier because he was
 busy reading a Pike Pro Shops(R) Catalog.
Fortunately and through the power of hypnosis, he was told to piss off.
 F5 was setting up a campfire in the no campfire zone alongside F4.

F5: It kinda makes it too easy, you know.
J: Would you rather risk your life?
F4: I think it's fine. How am I supposed to eat this fish?
Z: You can eat it whole if you want.
 You could also boil it, but we do not have any spices or oil.
F4: Yeah, I think that I will have it boiled then.

After around half an hour, F1 caught a channel catfish.
 They had minnows, lotuses, mussels and catfish for breakfast.

F3: It really would be better with some spice,
 but it is better than that restaurant.
F5: Anything is better than that restaurant!
F6: I think it's fine.
G: We'll wait for 'A' to finish and then visit the twins. Is that alright?
F2: What is he doing now?
G: Apparently he's messing with the emperor from the previous country,
 but I really don't want to check.
Z: He definitely is.
F3: How long will he take?
Z: He should be done by the evening. I will probably call him anyways by then.
F1: Now we should just wait?
Z: You can have some fun if you want. There is not much to do.
F2: Oh! Can I have a beach ball?
G: Sure!
F1: May I buy some spices for lunch?
G: No problem.
F1: ...Could someone accompany me?
Z: What are you, three?
F1: I just like the company, sir.
Z: You need to be capable of being alone sometimes.
F1: ...Sure. I will go get the salt.

Afterwards to some irrelevant time-wasting events to maintain plot consistency,
 and F1 managing to get actually palatable salt,
 the nigh-Teumessian foxes visited the twins ['s] address.
The building was like the Twin Towers but much taller,
 with aircraft runways bridging between the
 sixtieth and eightieth floors for extra lawlz.
After smashing the  door bell on the shared reception,
 the motherfoxers finally managed to get their attention.
In an attack against  plot verisimilitude and an ode to typographic rivers,
 the twins quickly answered in a friendly and coordinated manner,
 via the intercom.

E15: Hello?
F5: It's Joe.
E16: Uh, Joe who?
F2: *snicker*
F5: Haven't you heard of me? I have been running as Terr for representative.
E15: No, I haven't heard of any Terrs.
E16: Let me check my contact list for a sec.
F5: Second name Mash?
E15: No I don't think I have heard of Joe Mash-
E15&16: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
F2&5: Hahaha! F6: Hahaha.
F1: *ahem* Sorry for that. We just wanted to give you a visit.
E15: ...It's fine. We don't get those kinds of jokes often.
E16: Well, we aren't just going to be jerks and kick you out then.
 You can accompany us for dinner.
F2: Wow, really?
E15: Yes. No strings attached.

The brush-possesing true northern beasts were invited for dinner.
 The twins looked like eighteen-year olds, and were physically similar.

F3: Thank you for inviting us.
E16: It's not a big deal. We really value hospitality.
E15: Oh, what would be a world without love,
 where no man can rely on the other?
F4: The same as it is now?
E16: You're mostly correct on that.
E15: Well, not all people are bad, am I right?
F3: Right...
F6: We brought you two cupcakes.
E15: Can I see?
F6: Sure.

F6 gave a radioactive, nerve-agent laden fairy cake to each of the twins.
 Not that they knew, of course.

E16: So, what brings you here?
F3: Oh, we were travelling and wanted to know you.
 We heard you had great generosity.
E15: Well, they don't get that wrong.
E16: The cream filling is alright. Where did you get the banana flavor?
F2: That's a trade secret!
F16: Wow, what a tease.
F6: I'm going to the bathroom.
E16: To the left, straight, and to the left again.
E15: *eating fairy cake* Mmm... About that generosity thing,
 we have always desired a world were people would be for each other.
F1-5: *nodding*
E16: But you know how it is. People will be greedy and not bother.
E15: But as long as we draw breath, we will be loving.
J: Which will not be long, by the way!

A few minutes later...

E15: Ugh... I feel sick. I'm going to the bathroom.
E16: I will keep them accompanied... Catch up with you later.
F6: Hey, I came back.

Unfortunately, the bathroom was filled with explosives,
 and the other twin was shot dead.
This is the hater's club, no love allowed.

# Ch.51: THAT WARE IS OBSOLETE

Mmm, yes. Twins. In a theatre. On a stage. A bouncer comes for them.

G: Your time is up. You should leave.
E15: No, we're not done yet!
G: Come on now. You've had centuries, perhaps even millennia to do your thing.
 You must let go of those dusty ideas.
E16: A world without love isn't one worth existing. Give us more time.
G: No!
 Look. I may be affectionate, but I no longer believe in love.
E15: What!?
G: Let's be sincere to each other.
 You may preach about giving until you have nothing, but you have plenty.
E16: That isn't pract-
G: But it goes further than that.
 How can you ever feed a man better than himself? How can he do the same?
E15: You disgust us.
G: And so do you. You don't want the best for them. You want control.
 That is your smothering love. It isn't just suicide, It's Murder.
E16: And you are a monster who rejected the
 only thing that held people together.
G: And yet I am. I give you one last chance.
E15&16: We will die with honor!
G: Yet another of those things. So be it.
G: True love is to not love at all.

The stage opened below, and the twins fell for a hundred floors.
*Nonexistent title track starts playing*
After having F6 wash her fortunately gloved hands with bleach,
 the toxes were roaming the facility.

F4: Is that one of those sexnasiums?
Z: Yes.
F3: They were quite explicit with the decorations this time.
F2: *pointing at poster* Do some people actually look like that?
Z: Not really, unless they were shapeshifters and very perverted.
J: *Sipping flute* I could look like that if I wanted.
Z: Uh, could you not?
F6: Could Katia look like that?
Z: That is a definite perhaps.
F6: Can I take it?
Z: ...
 But why?
F6: I'd like to show her.

Does F6 like the cat? Is she innocent? Horny? Bored?
 All of the above?

J: Hmmm....
G: *Opens door*
J: TAKE IT NOW!

F6 scampered to take the poster.

G: Is that a sex-? Ugh, forget it.
Z: How did it go?
G: *sigh* Like any other. It's kinda saddening to see how stubborn they are.
J: Well, we were not trying to convince anyone. They had centuries for that.
Z: Plus, we are probably too scary to convince them of anything.

They almost scare me too.

F4: I can agree with that.
F2: What do we do now?
J: I will be finishing up with the twins. You should go to sleep or something.
F3: Should we sleep in the hotel?
J: Well, the trip took a long time...
F1: May we check the rooms first?
Z: No problem.

They found the guest room, which was surprisingly normal.

F6: They must really like lace in here.
F5: This looks like a grandma's room.
F2: At least the bedsheets aren't- *removes quilt* they are lace!

Ok, it wasn't that normal.
The diurnal crepusculars did the blanket drill anyways.
The next day, they were trying out the breakfast cereal in the kitchen.

F4: Mmm... It tastes... Disgusting! *spits out cereal*
F2: Wait, let me try!
F2: *monch monch*
F4: Uh, it seems good at first, but then the afertaste kicks in-

F2 rushed to the kitchen sink, and vomited onto it.
F6 patted her back.

F6: There, there.
F5: Well, I'm definitely not trying that.
F1: Is there anything left to do here, sir?
Z: We still have to wait until 'A' finishes with the twins.
 We need them to get out of this empire.
F4: Couldn't we just hypnotize everyone?
G: The security in here is kind of one-way.
 It's way harder to get out that in, so it's better if we get their permission.
F2: Phew, that was terrible. How long do we have to wait until then?
G: I dunno.
Z: Let me ask him right now. *grabs SoC with duct-taped microphone*
Z: How long will you take?
J: *through SoC* Well, I don't think that I will scan both the twins,
 so I should be done by the evening.
Z: Can you be more specific?
J: Around 6 o' clock, if I hurry a bit? This thing is hard, you know.
F5: We're going to be stuck in here until evening?
J: Suck it.
F3: There are still a few rooms that have me curious.
 We could visit them during the day.
G: Wait, someone's poking around back at home.
F4: You mean the island?
G: Yes. Now who could it be?

Back at the island...
 The II Great Undoers (Jack was currently busy)
 looked at the intruder stomping on the lake's surface.

E28: HEY! I KNOW THAT YOU ARE AWAKE! ANSWER ME!
G: Is he saying something? I can't hear.
F6: Could you get closer?
Z: Well, it does not work like that. We do not possess ears.
F2: Then how can you listen- oh.
Z: Yes, we use yours. Now the emperor looks like he is losing his patience.
G: What should we do... Oh, I know!

A bunch of slime took the shape of a sexy woman near the emperor,
 generated a small blackboard, wrote 'I'm deaf, please use this blackboard',
 gave it to him alongside chalk, and generated another.

E28: Just how many corners did you cut?
 Anyways, it is better if I present myself.
G: Man, I should have learned lip reading.
E28: *holding blackboard* Here. Can you read? It says:
 'I am Emperor Forrest, tell me your name.'
G: He's asking for a name. What do I tell him?
Z: Just make up something that does not sound lame.
F6: *Chopping onions without crying* How about Clarisse?

The slime snarfed and pasted the name onto the blackboard.
'The operation is not to copy but to snarf. It's called snarf because
snarf is what it does. There is no design document.'

-Some Pedant

E28: Well, that is a good name.
 It would be better if you could explain what
 you have been up to since you awakened.
 Why am I saying this out loud anyways?

Because it looks prettier that way.
 The slime girl invited him to a conference room (kill box),
 so they could talk about (his death) in a safe manner (for the killers).
The box sank deep into the slime after he entered just to be sure.
 (alright you get the joke)

G: Well, that was easy.
Z: That should be the last emperor, if I remember correctly.

Let me just count for a sec... Yep.

F3: So they know all the gods together?
Z: Yes. There is quite the overlap.
F2: Well, what now?
F1: Is our mission over?
G: Well, not really. We still have to figure out how to coordinate a plan,
 dispose of the deceivers and all that. But at least we finished a big part.
Z: Also, who is going to take care of the body? 'A' Is still busy.
G: Hmm...

The emperor was on a beach. On a sun lounger with some iced tea.

E28: Ah! I was going to have a meeting... Where am I?
Z: In the same place as always, leech.
E28: What? Who are you? 
Z: Behind you.
G: Want some iced tea?
E28: Hey! *slurp* D-do not play funny with me! What do you want!?
G: Please tell us how you got here.
E28: That is what I want to know!
Z: No. Start at the beginning.
E28: Look, I'm just a facilitator.
 Not everyone wanted to bother with politics,
 so I just ran what you could call a retirement home.
 For a small fee of course.
Z: A parasite giving nothing to its host.
G: Your sins haven't washed away just by doing nothing at all.
E28: And what do you want me to do? Waste my time getting fake brownie points?
 Make someone smile at gunpoint? That part of my career is done.
G: You just don't get it, but you had enough vacations.
Z: You can drink your sorrows. It is the best disinfectant after all.

When they left, the tide rose,
 and the emperor drowned in a sea of two-hundred proof alcohol.
 Because if it was water he could have just swam away.

# Ch.52: 4X

After making a few sandwiches and some more time-wasting events,
 it was already evening. F3 and F5 were playing ping-pong,
 and the rest were reading books or something
 when the twins kicked down their door.

E16: Hey guys. Free licenses.
E15: Take them while they're still hot!
F2: Awww! I was getting to the good part!
F6: What for?
J: We have to go get the Bradley for the FINAL STAGE.
 *Symphony No.5, Movement I starts playing*
Z: ...
F4: That's kinda distracting.
Z: Could you stop it?
J: Alright, alright.
G: If we go out now, we should get to the coast before bedtime.
F5: Well, at least it's better than sitting in here all day.
F3: What is the plan anyways?
J: Well, since we already got the last emperor,
 you should use the car to camp near the huge
 fuckoff tower while we nuke them or something.
F4: W-wait, wouldn't that kill us?
Z: Uh, within a safe viewing distance.
F4: Ahhh...

After some more travel, the unidentified fugitives got to the shoreline.
 There were tanks, battleships, and planes flying around,
 plus another gigantic wall just in case.
 A soldier approached them.

F6: How didn't we see this the first time?
G: Eh, they must have been hiding somewhere.
 Either that or they're are at war with the shoreline.
100: Hey, what are you doing here?
F1: We are exiting this continent. Here is our universal license.
 Issued by The Twins. *shows licence*
100: Uh... well it seems legit, so I can't argue with that.
F2: Oh, and we may bring back a tank tomorrow. Is that fine?
100: But why would you-?
F3: Excuse me sir, but do you have a questioning licence?
100: Alright, alright! Let me call the commander so he lets you through.

They swam towards the battleship and arrived just in time for bed.
 The next day, after having breakfast and going to the spa,
 they brought the tank back, then set up camp.

F2: Aren't we a bit far still?
Z: The area within a radius of nine-hundred sixty-five point
 six kilometres of the the tower is off-limits for non-emperors,
 so we will have to stay behind empire borders.
F4: Well, at least the huge wall will catch the blast.
F5: But we won't see!
F1: Well, a large portion of the tower is visible, just not the base.
J: We will blast the entire tower, so don't be distressed.
G: For now, we need you to set up a tent around the Bradley.
 That way we can get an outpost going in this place.

In a case of extreme irresponsibility,
 the fuchse complied, got out, and set a tent over the non-Fuchs car.
It immediately started burying tentacles into the ground.

F6: What are you doing exactly?
J: We are making more slime so we can build things quicker.
F2: Wait, you can reproduce?
Z: Not really. There is a hard limit to how much slime we can control,
 so we are losing mass on the island to balance it out.
G: We are a huge lake, so it shouldn't be a problem anyways.
F4: Wouldn't anyone notice?
J: That's why we asked you to cover the Bradley.
 It shouldn't be a problem if we tunnel carefully.
 Now shut up before anyone listens.

After a few hours, they had already built a
 sizeable facility with baths and everything.
The iconoclasts called them to perform some activities.

F3: What is that thing exactly?
J: It is a centrifuge! Get in. 
F1: There are only two seats.
Z: We have two other centrifuges to the sides.

They got in.

F5: Why do you want to spin us up exactly?
G: You will have to do some high-G maneuvers,
 so it's better if you are prepared.
F6: What's G?
Z: Acceleration.
F4: I think that Filbert mentioned that-

The centrifuge spun them like your average news story.
 But that was a good thing.

F5: Oof, that's something.
Z: So, you will want to tense your legs and abdomen to
 prevent the blood pressure from dropping on your head.
F2: Uh, Is that bad?
Z: Yes. You would fall unconscious.
J: You aren't fainting yet, so I will add more Gs to your Gs.
F4: Uhh...
Z: Fortunately, adrenaline helps to maintain blood pressure,
 so try being scared.
F4: Thanks!?
Z: But not too much. It really depends on your physiology.

Even though their height suggested cardiac insufficiency, they did fine.

F6: That was a bit dizzying.
F2: It was kinda fun.
J: Well, I still have one emperor left, so bye-bye. *leaves*
F1: Is there anything else?
G: No, I don't think so. We spun you enough for today.
F3: On another theme, what else is inside this facility?
Z: Mostly nuclear missiles. We also have a space shuttle.
F2: Oh! Can I see?
Z: Sure.

The shuttle was essentially a copy-paste of the Discovery,
 but with an open-cycle, nuclear gas-core engine,
 because dumping radioactive gas into the atmosphere was not their problem.
The Starfoxes 64 were currently inside the crew module.

F5: This looks wicked.
F6: It doesn't look that bad.
F5: I mean, it's a mighty good ship.
G: So, we will use this shuttle to get you into
 the tower as fast as possible after we bomb it.
F3: Why should we hurry?
G: Well, I don't expect them to die without a fight,
 so you should check in as soon as possible before they recover.
F2: And why is this shuttle thingy standing up?
Z: It launches better that way.
 And getting it out of the silo would be too difficult otherwise.
G: Oh, the shuttle also makes a lot of radioactive gas,
 so keep your helmets on once it's on.
F4: Uh-huh.

The next day, they would perform the final step of their plan.
 So let's just skip the fluff and get to it.
Jack called them to the armoury two hours after lunch.

J: Alright kits, this is it.
F1: What?
J: Didn't they tell you?
F1: Uh, tell us what?
G: Oh, I forgot about that part.
Z: The emperors are currently entering the
 tower for a meeting with the deceivers.
 I also forgot to tell you.
J: Just turn the goddamn screen on. And put on your drysuits!
 
The screen displayed some people approaching the tower.

E28: Sup losers.
E22: Hey sexy...~
E1: Do not be disrespectful like that.
E28: Oh, shut up. Your land is so ridiculously
 uptight there is nothing to do there! This gal on the other hand...
E11: Hey, hey, calm down everyone. We just come for business.
E4: You know,
 it is some big coincidence that we all decided to have a meeting today.
E8: Well, it was bound to eventually happen by chance, amirite?
F15: Hahaha!
F16: Sure thing. Suure thing.

After some more time, the tods and fyxan were inside the orbiter.

F6: That was somewhat dramatic.
F5: Hey! Don't leave me hanging! I want to know what happens!

I went for a cup of tea, so he was left hanging.

G: No problem. I'll set you up with the emperors, plus a view of the tower.
F2: It's kinda weird to look at it when seated like this.
Z: We did not have the time to make adjustable seats,
 so you will have to stay parallel to to the ground.
F4: What are we waiting for anyways?
G: We are waiting for some skinny guy and some menace of a dame.
 Oh wait, there she is! 

There being a featureless white void. At least she had a black silhouette.

D6: Oh, hello! What do you have to tell me this time?
E1: There have been some events that I-
D6: Wait, what did you bring on that box?
E1: ...It's a surprise for later.
D6: Wow, after all this time did you decide to not be such a boring person.
 I'm impressed!
F6: Now, I won't spoil my own surprise, so tell me,
 what kind of events have occurred?
E1: Well, for starters, that nuisance of a cat decided to visit me...
J: What is taking the other motherfucker so long!?
Z: Well, he seems to have a record of arriving late to meetings.
 Didn't you know that already?
J: That was rhetorical!
 Anyways, I'm pretty sure we could drag this on for hours if we wanted to.
F2: Can I go to the bathroom then?
G: Sure, but please hurry.

Fortunately, they had placed a bathroom next to the shuttle just in case.
 After waiting five more minutes or so, the last omnipotent came.

D7: Sorry for taking a while, but I had to finish a few things...
 And you know how it goes.
E11: Well, things like that happen sometimes. But I have something to show you.
D7: Oh, what is it?
E11: Come closer, there's no point in seeing it from afar.
D7: You mean the thing in the suitcase? Well, what could it-

It was a fifteen kilotonne atomic bomb. Ouch!
But D6 got fifteen megatonnes. Very ouch!

# Ch.53: Nanomachines son

It's pronounced "nucular."
Contrary to all logical expectations, the tower wasn't fazed,
 so both the battleship and the base launched
 enough ICBMs to have that changed.
There were also some vulpins being promoted to pteropodins,
 because taxonomists are foot fetishists.

Z: Alright, launching now.
F2: Wooo!
Z: In a few moments, you should be seeing the missiles reach their target.
F4: How long?
...Oh alright.

The entire tower was suddenly vapourized by the nuclear blasts.

F6: Isn't that a bit overkill?
J: There is no such thing with these bastards.
 In another news, the rocket didn't explode! Hurray!
F4: You know, this doesn't even surprise me anymore.
J: Aw come on! Your entire personality is being sca-
G: Good! Your courage makes us proud, Finn.
F3: Could you remind me the mission?
Z: Dropping down into the tower?
F3: Then why are we taking such a detour?
F5: I think that we would be running into an explosion otherwise.
Z: Apart from that, we also need a high angle of attack.
 So we must first go higher up.

After a while, the vertex of the parabola was reached.
 Id est, the space boat achieved peak altitude.

G: This is where the top of the tower would be, if it still existed.
F5: Wait wait wait, we are going into that cloud of debris?
J: I wouldn't worry   about  it.
F2: Isn't all that nuclear stuff like, really hot?
J:   I  wouldn't  worry  about   it.
F4: Wait, how fast are we going to be falling?
J: I  wouldn't  worry about   it.
Z: We do not need vision for navigation, we have thrusters,
 plus both the ship and suits have protection.
F2: Ohhh...
F6: So that's why the suit felt thicker...
Z: Also, Now we will be detaching from the orbiter.

A short while later, a short distance below a crater,
 The remaining deities where recovering from the impact.

D7: Ugh... What just hap-

But not too fast, because a phase of the orbiter gave them the coup de grace,
 by impacting them at a highly prejudiced speed.
Now the remains of the remains were busy trying to recover from the impact,
 when the other part of the ship arrived, releasing a huge cloud of steam,
 purportedly so the Descended wouldn't hurt their feet with the burning debris.

J: That bitch is still alive! Shoot him until he doesn't regenerate!
F1: That would be hard to tell.
J: Just shoot!

In a riveting battle,
 the feral foxes kept firing their auto railguns at the blot on their screens,
 while approaching dramatically. Good thing they had XL magazines.

Z: That should be enough. Good thing we had infrared vision.
F5: Wasn't he supposed to be super strong?
J: Forget it. IT IS TIME.

Jack emerged from within F4, in his reaper form.
 The others followed.

F4: You could do that?
G: Only in here.
Z: Please do not ruin our moment.
F4: Oh, I guess that I'll shut up then.

D1 laid at forty-five degrees on yet another piece of debris.

D1: I thought you had died.
Z: *Pulls out mirror*
D1: Oh.
 ...But why? Why destroy it all?
Z: *Pulls out Uno reverse card*
G: Okay, this is getting ridiculous.
J: Because you are trash; you don't deserve more syllables.
D1: I just wanted to create a truly free-
Z: Liar.
J: You didn't create nor destroy.
 You just killed the old gods and replaced them with your own.
G: Do you even buy what you say?
D1: We gave them what they wanted.
J: *I* do not. Fucking wanker.
Z: If you were right, that would be easily known.
 Yet you hide behind idols, for you deserve to be disowned.
G: No man can decide that. Much less in another's place.
J: Do I even need to repeat myself? Yours never was disbelief.
 It was a very blind, selective belief.
D1: Yet you still believe in one thing.
J: Ugh, you and your technicalities! YES! I have a brain, and it does compute!
 Much unlike you.
Z: We are Practical folks after all.
G: There is a wide world, one you can't unsee nor avoid.
 We have grown up beyond the need for fairy tails. Any last words?
D1: So be it.
J: Hahaha! So be it.
Z: I recommend using an electron beam. Quick and clean.
G: Well, I can't complain then.
J: Very original. Thumbs up.

Mmm, bean^Hms...
 D1 was thoroughly sterilized, alongside his deinococcuses.
Jack took his hood off.

J: Finally!
F4: They're all dead?
Z: Apparently, yes.
J: You see, normally they wouldn't be able to die, but thanks to my epic text,
 they are scattered all over the place and can't regenerate.
F5: Wow, we really did use that for something. But when?
G: It was plastered over pretty much everything. The walls of the shuttle,
 the bombs, the bullets...
 It's just that some four-hundred thirty-six pages packed
 into one square inch aren't very visible,
 and radio waves even less. The shuttle is still emitting them.
F5: Ahhh...
J: Now we just have to take over this corpse,
 use it to convince some non-sentinent ground beef, and...
F6: And?
J: This takes a while, you know!?

Five minutes later...

J: *typing on ZX spectrum* Alright, I did it.
F2: And?
J: Well, now I have to figure out how to delete this realm...
J: FUCK!
F1: What is the problem, sir?
J: Look at this, 'B'.
Z: Well, I am no expert programmer but... Ew.
J: This thing is over a hundred gigabytes of cruft!
F3: Is that a lot?
F2: Umm, yeah I think so.
G: Alright, calm down. Surely you don't have to read the entire thing through.
J: Yeah, sure. If they could come up with this undocumented trash,
 it should be possible to figure out how to have it smashed.
 I'll just need some time.
F3: What can you do now?
G: Well, we did technically acquire divine power,
 so we could just shuffle things around by clapping our hands... *clap clap*

Everyone got a cone of mint chocolate chip ice cream.
 It came in natural white.

J: Ugh, this is why you don't get to make the ice cream.
F4: I think it tastes fine.
F1: At least it does taste like something.
J: Do you like eating toothpaste?
F6: What's that?
F2: Oh! could you bring in Kate then?
G: Sure. *Two claps*

Katia appeared just as they left her before,
 and immediately stumbled onto the floor.

K321: *looking around* ...What just happened?
Z: We killed the gods. It was rather underwhelming.
K321: WHAT!?
G: Well, now you're free.
K321: Oh, uh... Thanks?
Z: Oh, and you may be breathing a hazardous amount of radioactive powder.
J: Eh, she'll be fine.
G: I think it should be easy enough to clear all the junk.

In a single snap, the place was cleaned.
 And the room turned black so as to not hurt their eyes.
 But with studio lights.

K321: Where is this anyways?
F5: Pretty sure it's what was below the tower, before it turned into dust.
F1: It feels somewhat like the office.
K321: What office?
Z: That will need some explaining.
F6>K321: Hey, I was wondering... Could you look like this?

F6 showed Kate the lewd poster. Surprisingly, it was two-sided.

K321: ...W-why do you ask? *S&A*
G: Where did you get that!?

They spent the rest of the day talking.

J: So, you were one of those "influencers", right?
K321: That was a long time ago, but yes.
Z: According to this fact sheet,
 around ninety-nine point ninety-nine ninety-nine percent
 of your income came from the persons we just killed.
K321: Wait, so no one actually bought my songs?
Z: Do you know a certain Ers Managan?
K321: Umm, yeah, she was my grandma.
Z: Well, if we discount that,
 you are left with about eight million GCBIEDB-GBZCUs.
 I do not know what you can buy with that.
K321: Ummm... Well, at least I could try selling off my mansion.
J: Oh, don't worry about it. By the time we are done,
 you won't have any property rights to sell,
 nor currency to sell it for. Maybe watch out for angry mobs?
Z: I recommend that you acquire useful skills for more sustainable goals.
F2: Wait, what about us?
F3: Do we even exist out there?
G: Well, probably, though you definitely aren't foxes.
 You may want to prepare for that too.
F3: What are we then exactly?
J: Maybe some humans from somewhere who got their brains scrambled.
F5: Maybe?
J: I mean, you could be brains grown in a vat for all I know.
 If they could do the The Matrix, why not?
F4: Uhhh...
G: Let's not worry about that, alright?

Ackyshually, everything was the dream of a Boltzmann brain.
Source: Me.

# Ch.54: One more time

A few days passed. Their foxships hanged out with the cat and all that.
 The annihilators had moved the island nearby,
 so they could keep training or go to the spa.
Jack, Zack and Guy were still trying to make sense of the spaghetti code. 

J: So, this is just an assortment of shoddy algorithms stacked on top of
 each other that fails the Turing test for everything but devolved monkeys.
Z: Let's see... *Typing on keyboard* What is the strongest alloy?
Z: *Reading* I CAN confirm.
G: They really got them with this new religion of theirs.

From the elevator that connected to the surface, the doors opened,
 revealing Irwin and others.

23: I came!
J: From a one to ten, how good was it?
23: ...
23: You know what I meant, fucker!
J: It would really "come in handy" if you did.

*Percussive sting*

23: Ughhh... 
Z>J: Seriously?
G: So, why are you here? It can't have been easy.
23; Yeah, no shit Sherlock.
 I knew things were up when the HUGE FUCKOFF TOWER was pulverized.
 If that wasn't enough, the entire city started collapsing,
 and I had a diesel motorbike crash into my twelfth-floor apartment.
G: Go on?
23: It came with a fucking ribbon! And a pistol!
 Knowing that those motherfuckers were a waste of bullets,
 I left, and after shooting a few guards and such... I arrived.
F6: Is that why you're caked in blood?
23: Yes. Not mine.
F3: But why?
23: Dunno. My place sucked enough that I would try anything else.
J: I could make you sexier.
23: Wait, really!? Sign me up!
K321: I think you should ask-

Jack zapped the focks. She gained around four hundred millimetres in height,
 and started looking even younger than her actual age, for a human.
 But she was still covered in mold and blood.

K321: Well, I guess you turned out fine...
F5: I'm also impressed.
23: Whoah, It's kinda hard to balance...
23: Hey, can't you give me bigger boobs?
J: No.
23: Aw, come on! Why can't I have some like the catgirl!? *Grabs Kate's mounds*
K321: P-please stop...
J: Sorry, but the big titty club is full. You will have to hang out with Fifi.
23: AND WHO THE FUCK IS TH- oh. You didn't tell me your name earlier.
F2: Hi!
G: I don't know what to make of this...
23>G: Hey, can you give me bigger tits?
 Maybe also a bigger ass while you're at that? Oh, and...

Guy said no to that, alongside Zack.
Weeks passed after that, but they finally figured the system out.
 They reunited for one last time.

Z: We did it.
F6: I forgot what.
Z: Uh, we figured out how to eliminate this realm.
23: Good.
J: I hope that you acquired some serious skills,
 because we are all going to hell.
F5: Huzzah! K321: You're kidding, right? F4: Well, at least you're telling us.
J: Shut.
G: We're not sure what will happen to the souls of everyone but Kate,
 since yours look like a bunch of scrambled eggs.
F1: Is it in a fashionable way?
Z: No.
G: ...At least we can know where your bodies are,
 and they didn't come from vats.
F3: Phew.
G: *looking at map* Hmmm... Yeah, you're all pretty far from here.
 Except for Katia. You're the next town over!
Z: Now that is some insane luck.
K321: Y-yeah... Could you come pick me up?
J: It depends. Tell me, how much do you like se-
G: Sure! We could always do with an extra pair of hands.
F1: Will be ever meet again?
Z: It would be very difficult,
 but we will try uploading some contact info to some nearby device.
23: Could you at least tell us your names?
Z: I am 'B'.

Guy hit Zack with a newspaper.

G: My real name is Guy Mann.
F5: Seriously?
G: Yes, that's my name.
Z: I am Zack Graham.
K321: It sounds a bit cute.
J: And I, am, Jack Deicida.
F2: Wait, I didn't catch that. How do I say your last name?
J: Deicida.
F2: Oh... Cool!
J: Of course, I chose it myself.
G: Well, do you guys have anything left to say?
F1: Yes. I would like to thank you three.
 You were like the parents I never had.
J: *Rolls eyes*
F1: Literally. By never being present when I thought I needed it,
 you taught me more than any other person.
J: What? But we held your hand all the time!
F1: It didn't feel that way for me. Even if you gave orders,
 it was like you did not want us to obey.
 Even though you taught me to value myself,
 I cannot help but give you my utmost respect.
J: Y-you idiot!
23: Is it me or is Jack looking flustered?
Z: He gets like this sometimes.
F2: Well, I just want to say that, uh... Hold on, I almost got it...
G: Take your time.
F2: ...I just want to say that,
 I may have pretended to be more innocent than I actually was.
K321: *GASP*
G: How?
F2: I-I just, pretended not to know things,
 even if deep down I knew they were true. I just wanted to hide from it all.
 What you did, was give me the strength to admit things.
 The world may not be a big cotton candy ball, but is beautiful after all.
F2: *Reaching into backpack* Here. I kept the doll you gave me all along.
 But I don't need it anymore. You can have it, Guy.
G: Awww...
G: But I know someone who needs it more. Jack?
J: *Tightly clutching doll* I DON'T NEED YOUR JUNK!
Everyone^J: Sure...
F3: I would like to thank you for your teachings.
Z: More like un-teachings.
F3: Sure. The thing is, I am deeply embarrassed.
 My calling was to get the basics right, and in one too many pages,
 one too many generalizations and technicisms, I lost sight of what I wanted.
 I was a fool who thought he knew it all, yet you said the bloody obvious,
 that which I had forgot. Thank you, thank you, and thank you.
Z: Good for you.
J: J-just cut it!

Jack was looking bright pink in spite of his fur. And a bit shaken.

F4: I once thought you were insane. I can't still be sure if you aren't.
 There was something about you,
 that made me feel like I was talking to some aliens.
G: True, true.
F4: I will be honest. You frightened me so much that I was close to, uhh...
23: Shitting yourself?
F4: Yeah. I almost shat myself. Several times. But that thing you had,
 that otherness I had never seen, it made me feel, like...
F6: In love?
F4: Yes! I just couldn't have enough of you! Call me a masochist,
 but you were the only thing that made me feel alive!
F4: I love you. Thank you for taking care of me, and goodbye.
J: You fucking masochist... *Sniff*
G: True love.
F5: My turn.

F5 walked inbetween the seven and the three.

F5: Look. Nay-sayers will say that we were crooks.
 Nay-sayers will say that we were murderers.
 Nay-sayers will say that neither we, nor you ever existed.
 I say fuck them.
F5: They can write whatever they want in the books of history, but we made it!
 They can kick, scream, and throw popcorn at the screen,
 but we were the only ones who ever got of our asses to do something about it!
 They may try to erase the memory, but they can't erase the consequences,
 and as long as I live, I will remember.
 Godspeed, you incredible bastards.
J: N-no you...
Z: Godspeed.

Jack started secreting watery fluid from his puncta.

23: You know, I feel like an idiot now, because I don't have much to say.
 I guess I'm not one that gives big goodbyes.
23: *sigh* I'm just glad to know that there is another place.
 It may be violent. You may call it hell,
 but I know hell, for that is what I left.
 I'd say that such a foul-mouthed tour guide does not deserve such a chance,
 but I am the only one who took it. Perhaps I could say that you were my guide.
23: And for the first time, I feel like a real one.
G: Always were.
J: Pass it down...
K321: Oh god, is it my time already?
Z: Sure.
K321: Ah, I just wanted to say, uhhh... Not this again...

The cat started blushing hard.

G: Relax.
K321: *sigh* Ok. I just wanted to thank you. You were intense,
 but you were the exact persons I needed. E-even that time you killed me...
23: This is taking a weird turn.
K321: It's fine! I would have been too much of a... Pussycat
 to do anything otherwise.
K321: I never gave you a kiss willingly, so here you have it.

Kate gave everyone a smooch.

J: I-I...
K321: Oh, you silly bunny. How could I hate you?
Z: You could do-
G: Don't ruin the moment.
F6: I finally got it.
J: ...W-what?
F6: Come closer.

F6 whispered to their ears for a while.

Z&G: *Swiping tears*
J: I am complete...

And Jack fell unconscious.

# Ch.55: Sunrise

Continuing where we left off, a certain bunny laid on the floor.

F6&K321: Is he fine?
K321: I-I mean, I can share.
Z: Yes, he is fine. Probably.
G: I think we all had our words, so let's not postpone things anymore.

Guy pushed the BRGAB on the nearby desk.
Immediately after that, the world started to violently crack.

Z: The system was not designed to ever shut down, so things may get turbulent.
G: Just relax, alright? You're going to be fine.
F4: Ok, I'll try. Breathe in, breathe out. *inhale*
F2: It was a fun time, bye bye!
F5: See you.
23: Wait wait, do I have to make some kind of funny one line-

The realm shattered to pieces, and their bodies dissolved in the ether.

...


The terror trio woke up, peeling off a thin coat of brittle black clay.

G: Ah!
Z: We are back.
J: *yawn* I had this marvelous dream...
Z: It definitely happened, Jack.
J: What? ...Oh, we are still alive!
Z: Yep. We still have the bullet holes on our clothes,
 but I see none on our organs.
J: Ahhh, It's a good thing to know we succeeded.
G: Totally. Any ideas on what to do now?
Z: Well, the technology behind these machines is quite interesting.
 It could be used for immortality, time dilation, teleportation,
 and a plethora of other things. I say we should keep them.
G: No, these machines are evil. We should destroy them.

...

J&Z&G: Hahaha!
J: Oh, that was a good one.
G: You know, when you say it like that,
 it's kinda amazing just how much effort they
 put into using this stuff the wrong way.
Z: Yes, absolutely.
Z: Also, it seems like those guards are still deader than a doornail.
J: Well, they did bleed out a while ago,
 and I did make sure that no 'security' would be able to guard their own drool.
G: Dude!
J: Hey, they knew the occupational hazards.

They went to the up the elevator, where the employees were still tied up.

G: Hello guys, again.
Z: We killed your bosses, which according to your customs,
 probably means we are your bosses now.
J: And you're fired!

The same worker raised his hand.

W: Wait, what? I'm an office worker?
Z: Well, not anymore.
W: Wasn't I doing...? Uhhh, wait I think there was this other thing...
J: Get out of my office!
W: Yes sir!
W: ...Could you untie us first?

After that, the blokes were wandering another part of the compound.

Z: So, according to this manifest,
 this part of the building was used to store certain "classical items."
G: Hey, there's a car that way!

Indeed. It was a 1960 Imperial Crown much like Rockefeller's,
 except that it had been retrofitted with an aluminium body,
 a supercharged 426 Max Wedge, and a steering wheel on the RIGHT side.
 Or in American terms,
 "A faav gallon per mile beast for guys with a small dick".
Jack was already on the driver's seat,
 but he soon realized that he couldn't see out of the car.

J: Uhmm, a little help here?

After filling the tank with petrol (Or gas since it was American),
 Guy got to drive this time, while Jack and Zack sat behind.

G: You know, I feel bad for all those poor souls.
Z: I also would, if they did not have it coming for so long.
 At least Jack filled all digital devices with copies of his text.
G: You what?
J: Hehe.
G: Well, at least nobody will have excuses now. Or reasons to live.
 ...We should probably go pick up Katia.
J: Hey, a hundred kilometres is still a long way.
 How about we take a tiny detour and visit our
 world-beloved Kickerpupper Veggietales?
Z: We could definitely do with some car parts. Or a better car.
G: Well, it's barely the morning of... What day is it?
Z: Sunday. One day has passed.
G: Huh. Well then, we do have some time.
J: Plenty of time.

And so, after destroying everything destroyable and then some,
 Into the sunrise, victorious the crazy bastards rode.
Good or bad, that is for you to decide.
If you still can.

THE END.

# Addenda

Here are some tidbits that didn't make it into the story.
I would be glad to hear elaborate feedback so
 I can know that I'm not writing for cheap bots.

# What if JZ&G Just wanted to take over the new world

They could have pulled it off, since they had anti-magic,
 but the story wouldn't have come full circle
 which doesn't really give it closure.

# What the hell did J eat

The GNA's Energy Puree, infamously known as "The sludge" by non-S/M folks,
 was an industrially manufactured, semi-solid ration.
It contained a mixture of cis and trans DHA, aminoacids, fructose, dioxins,
 artificial sweeteners, vitamins, some basic minerals, choline,
 fluorosicilic salts, pesticides, sodium hypochlorite, amphetamines,
 lots of different salts, antibiotics, hormones, glass, perfluoroalkyls,
 plastic, plastic additives and artificial flavouring.

J had the misfortune of trying it during a mission.
 He didn't swallow it, or he probably would have died.

# Does Z have a sense of humour

The world may never know.

# What are the oficial F heights

Here's the list, from shortest to tallest in cm, sans ears:
4:199 2:202 3:205 5:207 1:210 6:223

Numerical sorted:
1:210 2:202 3:205 4:199 5:207 6:223

Note that the Fs are digitigrades.

# How tall are people on this world

Male values unless otherwise noted.

Peasants:
<150cm for humans,
<140cm for most anthropomorphs, sans ears.
<135cm for rat-people, sans ears.

Nobles:
~180cm for humans,
~170cm for most anthropomorphs, sans ears.
Rat nobles do not exist.
The Cat is compensating and measures 181cm, sans ears.

# What are the MC's ages

At the beginning of the story...
J has around twenty-two years.
Z has around seven-thousand forty-seven days uptime, as in, not dead.
G has around twenty-four springs, because he was born is spring.
Some silly cat is around twenty. VERY OLD.
The Fs do not apply.

# How long did this work take to make

About a year or so. I wasn't in a hurry though.

# What are the Fs genitals

Human-like. J wouldn't  leave loose ends like that.

# Why did you even write this

I just wrote whatever I thought was funny.

# About donations

Honestly, physical cash is too much of a pain in the ass,
 and digital doesn't work in my V10 device,
 so you can pay me in exposure or something.

# What is TOL

Paradoxical in a recursive manner.

# How come they didn't get caught

Things would have broken down had they gone too slow.
 They really were in a hurry after all.

# I didn't get it

*superlative laughter*