{ "submission_id": "1048367", "keywords": [ { "keyword_id": "932", "keyword_name": "death", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "12373" }, { "keyword_id": "19892", "keyword_name": "genderbend", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "4019" }, { "keyword_id": "165", "keyword_name": "male", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "1202005" }, { "keyword_id": "7758", "keyword_name": "mourning", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "140" }, { "keyword_id": "452", "keyword_name": "rat", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "23528" }, { "keyword_id": "81015", "keyword_name": "tcest", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "2355" }, { "keyword_id": "18653", "keyword_name": "teenage mutant ninja turtles", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "6037" }, { "keyword_id": "2295", "keyword_name": "transgender", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "17034" }, { "keyword_id": "3440", "keyword_name": "turtle", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "10049" }, { "keyword_id": "3618", "keyword_name": "turtlecest", "contributed": "f", "submissions_count": "2583" } ], "hidden": "f", "scraps": "f", "favorite": "f", "favorites_count": "5", "create_datetime": "2016-03-15 15:20:26.483276+00", "create_datetime_usertime": "15 Mar 2016 16:20 CET", "last_file_update_datetime": "2016-03-15 15:18:34.963077+00", "last_file_update_datetime_usertime": "15 Mar 2016 16:18 CET", "username": "SadoraNortica", "user_id": "167029", "user_icon_file_name": "55685_Applepye_shime302.gif", "user_icon_url_large": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/usericons/large/55/55685_Applepye_shime302.gif", "user_icon_url_medium": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/usericons/medium/55/55685_Applepye_shime302.gif", "user_icon_url_small": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/usericons/small/55/55685_Applepye_shime302.gif", "file_name": "1446944_Applepye_struggles.rtf", "file_url_full": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/files/full/1446/1446944_Applepye_struggles.rtf", "file_url_screen": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/files/screen/1446/1446944_Applepye_struggles.rtf", "file_url_preview": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/1446/1446944_Applepye_struggles.rtf", "files": [ { "file_id": "1446944", "file_name": "1446944_Applepye_struggles.rtf", "file_url_full": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/files/full/1446/1446944_Applepye_struggles.rtf", "file_url_screen": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/files/screen/1446/1446944_Applepye_struggles.rtf", "file_url_preview": "https://nl1.ib.metapix.net/files/preview/1446/1446944_Applepye_struggles.rtf", "mimetype": "text/rtf", "submission_id": "1048367", "user_id": "167029", "submission_file_order": "0", "full_size_x": null, "full_size_y": null, "screen_size_x": null, "screen_size_y": null, "preview_size_x": null, "preview_size_y": null, "initial_file_md5": "ab0f8b1b61c71a6c49da85bd793e9ac5", "full_file_md5": "ab0f8b1b61c71a6c49da85bd793e9ac5", "large_file_md5": "", "small_file_md5": "", "thumbnail_md5": "", "deleted": "f", "create_datetime": "2016-03-15 15:18:34.963077+00", "create_datetime_usertime": "15 Mar 2016 16:18 CET" } ], "pools": [ { "pool_id": "35059", "name": "Struggles", "description": "Based off of yknow-fuck's AU", "count": "14", "submission_left_submission_id": "1038854", "submission_left_file_name": "1431939_Applepye_struggles.rtf", "submission_right_submission_id": "1058889", "submission_right_file_name": "1462674_Applepye_struggles.rtf" } ], "description": "", "description_bbcode_parsed": "", "writing": "Donatello came out of his lab in search of Raphael. He didn’t have to look far. Raph was sitting with Mikey on the sofa in the common room. Michelangelo was in the painful process of giving Raphael a tattoo. The new tattoo covered Raph’s right shoulder and down his bicep. It looked to be nearly done. \n\nThey had been at it for several days now. Whenever they wanted a tattoo, they were forced to use a primitive method of tattooing since tattoo machines lacked the right amount of pressure to puncture their flesh. Few things were able to keep Mikey’s attention for long. The intricate and delicate process of tattooing his art on his brothers by hand was one of them. \n\nDonatello walked around the sofa and held out the plastic braces he had made for Raph. “I finished them.” As with most things, it had taken him a while to gather the needed materials to make them.\n\nRaph looked down at the two pieces of plastic in Donnie’s hand. “This is gonna straighten my teeth?”\n\n“This is the first step,” Donnie corrected. “You wear these for a while and then move to the next ones. Each one will force your teeth to move slightly so they will hurt a little. Keep them in more often than not. Take them out to eat, brush your teeth and then put them back in. The more you wear them, the better it will work but you don’t want food to get in there.” Donnie held one up. “This one is the top one. I marked it here on the side.”\n\n“Got it,” Raph said, taking the plastic braces from Donnie. He placed them over his teeth, clenching his jaw a little to secure them in place. “They feel funny.”\n\n“You sound funny,” Mikey chuckled. \n\n“If you weren’t tattooing my arm, I’d hit you,” Raph growled. \n\n“Don’t give him a hard time,” Donnie said to Mikey. “I don’t want him not wearing them because you tease him.”\n\n“I won’t say anything more,” Mikey promised. \n\n“Thank you,” Donnie said, patting Mikey on the shoulder before leaving them to what they were doing. He started to head back into his lab when a proximity alarm went off. Donnie checked the surveillance cameras. “April and Vern are on their way,” Donnie announced. \n\n“I need a break anyway,” Mikey said, dropping the needle into a glass of alcohol. “My hand was starting to cramp.” He blotted a towel over Raph’s arm to clean off any blood. “I should be able to finish it tomorrow.”\n\n“Good.” Raph stood from the sofa. “It’s starting to itch.”\n\nRaph moved to scratch his arm but Mikey stood and swatted Raph’s hand away. “Wait a sec, bro, let me cover it.” Raph stood still while Mikey covered the tattooed area with ointment and gauze and then secured it down with tape. When Mikey was done he patted Raph’s shell. “Good to go.”\n\nBy that time April and Vern walked into the lair. Vern was carrying a large cardboard box that he placed on the table. “We come with more gifts.”\n\n“For me?” Mikey asked rushing over to them. \n\n“For all of you,” April corrected as Mikey opened the box and looked inside. “It’s just some more clothes.”\n\nLeo stepped out of the dojo. “Why did you bring us clothes?” He walked over to the table and had a look inside the box. Mikey was already pulling articles of clothing out and inspecting them. \n\nApril shrugged. “We figured you could use some more.”\n\n“You are wearing the same clothes every time we see you,” Vern added as a matter of fact. “We figured it was due to having a lack of variety in your wardrobes. That and a lot of you guys need pants. The loin cloth thing is… a bit much.”\n\n“Smart ass.” In a moment of jest, Raph shoved Vern. It was something Raph did often to his brothers but Vern was nowhere near as sturdy as the Turtles were. What would have barely budged one of the Turtles had knocked Vern off his feet. Fortunately, Donnie was there to catch him. \n\n“Raph,” Donnie hissed. “The humans are soft and squishy. Remember? You can’t be so rough.”\n\n“Who are you calling squishy?” Vern mumbled, holding on to Donnie for support. \n\nApril helped Vern to his feet. “Are you okay?” \n\nVern shrugged it off. “I’m fine.”\n\n“Sorry,” Raph mumbled, turning his attention to the box. \n\n“That’s the best you’re gonna get out of him,” Donnie whispered to Vern. He pulled his goggles down for a brief moment to look Vern over before turning his attention to the box. \n\n“There are other little knick-knacks in there as well,” April continued, “odd pieces of things that nobody wanted. I had a feeling that you guys would find a way to make use of them.”\n\n“Thank you,” Leo said as he pulled out a pair of pants. \n\nThe guys unpacked everything from the box and laid them out. One by one they started selecting items of their liking. There was some begging and a little bit of bickering but in the end they were all happy with their haul. \n\nDonatello was a little excited. With the equipment that April and Vern had brought a few weeks ago he was able to reduce the amount he had on his body and had doubled the processing power. On top of that, due to some lithium batteries he no longer needed the solar panels he wore as tassets. He was more than ready to switch to pants. \n\nHe was going to have to make some modifications to what he had but he was sure that the pants he had selected would work. He also managed to get some suspenders and some backpack straps along with belts and buckles that he would be able to use to hold his equipment. \n\n“Thank you.” Donnie smiled down at the two humans. “You have done so much for us.”\n\n“We should repay you,” Leonardo insisted. \n\n“Well you saved the city,” April pointed out. “If anything, we still owe you guys.”\n\nLeo held up a finger, gesturing for them to wait as he backed up. “I know what we can give you.” Biting his bottom lip, Leo turned and trotted off. \n\n“You really don’t need to give us anything,” April called out after him but Leo didn’t stop. \n\nHe returned with a small felt bag in hand and then handed it over to April. “Here.”\n\n“What is it?” April asked as she opened the bag. \n\n“Diamonds and other stones,” Leo replied. “You would be surprised how many pieces of jewelry we find down here in the sewers.”\n\n“Like this,” Mikey chimed in, showing off his recently found gold chain necklace. \n\n“Most of the time, Donnie melts down the gold to repair electronics,” Leo continued and then gestured to the bag. “We don’t really have any need for the stones. Donnie kept a couple of diamonds for cutting purposes but we have more than he needs. So you can have them.” \n\nVern reached out for the bag. “We’re splitting those. Right?”\n\nRolling her eyes, April put the bag in her pocket. “If anything we will use the money we get from selling these to get you guys some new supplies.”\n\n“Yeah, of course.” Vern smirked and let out a scoff. “I just meant that we need to split them up to sell so you don’t draw unwanted attention trying to sell them all yourself.”\n\n“You know the value of diamonds is artificial,” Donnie pointed out. \n\nVern scoffed again. “Like that matters. Pretty girls like the overpriced, sparkly rocks so guys like me are willing to pay the outrageous price in order to gain their favor.”\n\n“I’ll let you keep one,” April promised with a smile. \n\n“That’s all I ask,” Vern replied.\n\nAfter their two human friends had left, Donnie took a printout of all that he could find on Hamato Yoshi to Splinter. “This is all the information on Hamato Yoshi that is on the internet,” he said handing the small stack of papers to his father. “It’s a tragic story.”\n\nSplinter had been meditating quite often lately, spending hours a day in his room. Donnie and his brothers rarely saw him outside of training. He took the papers and looked up at Donnie. “You’ve read it?”\n\n“Yes.” Donnie nodded. “In short, he was born in the mid nineteen hundreds. He and his wife, Tang Shen ran a dojo. He was a master in ninjutsu. His top students were his teenage son and three other boys. They were all found slain in the dojo. Their killer was never found. The only reason it was even in the news was because one of the boys was the son of an American General, stationed in Japan.” Donnie gestured to the stack of papers. “I managed to find a photo that was taken after Yoshi’s students had won a tournament. That was all I could find.”\n\n“Thank you, my son,” Splinter said softly with a distant look in his eyes. “I believe that there is more to this story.”\n\n“Why did you want me to do a search on him, father?” Donnie wanted to know. “How did you even know of him? Was he the one who wrote the book on ninjutsu you had found?”\n\nSplinter shook his head and his black eyes looked up to focus on his son once again. “I believe he is somehow connected to us.”\n\n“How so?” Donnie asked. “He died in nineteen eighty. That’s even before April was born.”\n\n“I do not know,” Splinter admitted, looking down at the documents. He placed his hand over them. “However, I hope that one day I will.”\n\n“I will leave you to it then,” Donnie said as he turned to leave. “If you need anything else, I’ll assist you in any way I can.”\n\n“Thank you,” Splinter replied. “I will keep that in mind.”\n\nDonatello headed back to his lab. He was eager to try on his new pants and figure out a way to keep his gear on his back. But first, it was time to check on the eggs. Closing the door as soon as he entered his lab, Donnie headed straight for the sonogram machine. \n\nHe pulled the blanket back to reveal the two eggs that were nestled in a bed of wet peat moss and algae. They were about a month away from being ready to hatch. \n\nHe scanned the first egg only to discover that there was no heartbeat. A lump formed in his throat as tears filled his eyes. A sense of dread washed over him as he turned to scan the second egg. \n\nHands shaking, he couldn’t bring himself to set the probe to the surface. Donnie took a steading breath and swallowed hard before he was able to do it. He slid the probe over the surface but the device remained silent. \n\nHe couldn’t stop the cry of sorrow that escaped him. \n\nCrumpling to the floor, Donnie covered his mouth to try to stifle the sobs. It hurt to breathe and he felt like he was going to be sick. He had done everything he could think of to keep them alive but nothing worked. They were dead. He cried uncontrollably and eventually numbness took over. \n\nDonnie had no idea how long he sat on the floor, staring at nothing. All he knew was that his eyes burned and his throat was raw. With some effort he managed to get his mind and hands to work together enough to put the sonogram machine away. \n\nThe eggs felt heavy as the picked them up and placed them in the chest with the others. The smell was almost enough to make him sick but he managed to get the lid closed before it really started to get to him. \n\nAfter taking a few moments to compose himself, Donnie picked up the chest and headed out of his lab. He didn’t look at anyone as he walked through the lair towards the exit. No one tried to stop him as he headed out on his own. \n\nHis own footfalls sounded distant to him and his eyes remained unfocused. Despite being in a state of shock, Donnie found his way to the spot he visited every year. \n\nThe old, abandoned subway station was cold and wet. There were places where the stone floor was broken and the dirt underneath could be accessed. It was in these spots where Donnie buried his children. \n\nHe tested the stone with his foot, looking for a spot where it was loose. When he found an acceptable spot, he knelt down, moved the chunk of stone and started digging. \n\nWhen the hole was deep enough, Donnie opened the chest and started placing the eggs inside along with some fabric and wood shavings. \n\nHe had to know why it had died. So he opened one of the eggs that had lasted the longest to examine the body. The thin shell was already starting to soften so it took little effort to get it open. \n\nDonnie’s chest tightened as he took in the sight of his deceased child. It was so small, thin, and, from the look of it, would not have been able to survive if he had hatched it early. His vision blurred and he had to wipe the tears from his eyes to continue his examination. \n\nAs he had feared, the yolk sack was diminished. The baby had starved. He had tried to incubate them in a nutrient rich environment, he had eaten as much as he could as they formed inside him, but it was all for naught. \n\nHe looked down at the tiny body cradled in his hands. “I’m so sorry.” Holding it close, Donnie allowed himself to cry once again. \n\nReluctantly he placed the small body in with the others. Why had he allowed himself to hope? He should have known better by now. He struck a match and set it to one of the bits of fabric. Since he had soaked the fabric in a flammable liquid, it quickly ignited and spread. \n\nIt took several hours but Donnie sat there and waited for the flames to die out. The smell was hard to handle at first, it always was, but he was eventually able to block it out. When the flames finally died, he covered whatever was left with dirt and placed the slab of flooring back in place. He then pulled out a small chisel and carved a number five into the stone. \n\nWith that done, Donnie moved around the room. He stopped at each small grave and sang to them. \n\n“Hush, Hush, Hush,\nSays your daddy’s touch.\n\nSleep, Sleep, Sleep, \nSays the hundred sheep.\n\nPeace, Peace, Peace, \nMy you go in peace. \n\nOh, maybe next time \nYou’ll be Henry the Eighth. \nWake up tomorrow \nAlexander the Great\n\nOpen your eyes \nIn a new life again\nOh maybe next time\nYou’ll be given a chance. \n\nHush, Hush, Hush”\n\nHe looked at each stone slab with a number etched into it, counting down to the first one. There had only been two eggs that first year. Only one of them had been fertile. \n\n“You take care of your little brothers and sisters,” Donnie whispered as he placed his hand on the cold stone. “I hope one day you can forgive me. Maybe then I will be allowed to keep one of them.” His voice got stuck in his throat and he had to take a few deep breaths before he was able to speak again. “I’m sorry. I should have known better.”\n\nHe lay down over the small grave. “Maybe it’s better this way. If you had been alive when the Foot had attacked, they would have taken you too. You would have either been killed or they would still have you. They would be training you to be the soldier they wanted us to be.” He kissed the stone. “I love you, Nozomi.” \n\nIt was well past midnight by the time Donnie had returned to the lair. He walked into his lab and cleaned the chest, leaving it open to dry. He would deal with the incubators later. All he wanted to do now was try to sleep. Nothing else mattered. \n\nDonnie made his way into his room and closed his door. With a heavy heart, he fell into his bed. He wasn’t there long before he heard his door open. “Go away,” he barked without turning to see who it was. \n\nThe door closed and a few moments later there was someone in bed with him. “I said, go away,” Donnie rasped out. \n\nStrong arms wrapped around him and held him close. “We don’t need to talk about anything,” Raph said. “Just let me be here for you. You don’t have to go through this alone.”\n\nDonatello turned in Raph’s arms and curled up against his plastron. Despite how dry his eyes felt, more tears fell. There was comfort in having Raphael there. It helped him to be able to settle down and fall asleep. \n", "writing_bbcode_parsed": "Donatello came out of his lab in search of Raphael. He didn’t have to look far. Raph was sitting with Mikey on the sofa in the common room. Michelangelo was in the painful process of giving Raphael a tattoo. The new tattoo covered Raph’s right shoulder and down his bicep. It looked to be nearly done.

They had been at it for several days now. Whenever they wanted a tattoo, they were forced to use a primitive method of tattooing since tattoo machines lacked the right amount of pressure to puncture their flesh.  Few things were able to keep Mikey’s attention for long. The intricate and delicate process of tattooing his art on his brothers by hand was one of them.

Donatello walked around the sofa and held out the plastic braces he had made for Raph. “I finished them.” As with most things, it had taken him a while to gather the needed materials to make them.

Raph looked down at the two pieces of plastic in Donnie’s hand. “This is gonna straighten my teeth?”

“This is the first step,” Donnie corrected. “You wear these for a while and then move to the next ones. Each one will force your teeth to move slightly so they will hurt a little. Keep them in more often than not. Take them out to eat, brush your teeth and then put them back in. The more you wear them, the better it will work but you don’t want food to get in there.” Donnie held one up. “This one is the top one. I marked it here on the side.”

“Got it,” Raph said, taking the plastic braces from Donnie. He placed them over his teeth, clenching his jaw a little to secure them in place. “They feel funny.”

“You sound funny,” Mikey chuckled.

“If you weren’t tattooing my arm, I’d hit you,” Raph growled.

“Don’t give him a hard time,” Donnie said to Mikey. “I don’t want him not wearing them because you tease him.”

“I won’t say anything more,” Mikey promised.

“Thank you,” Donnie said, patting Mikey on the shoulder before leaving them to what they were doing. He started to head back into his lab when a proximity alarm went off. Donnie checked the surveillance cameras. “April and Vern are on their way,” Donnie announced.

“I need a break anyway,” Mikey said, dropping the needle into a glass of alcohol. “My hand was starting to cramp.” He blotted a towel over Raph’s arm to clean off any blood. “I should be able to finish it tomorrow.”

“Good.” Raph stood from the sofa. “It’s starting to itch.”

Raph moved to scratch his arm but Mikey stood and swatted Raph’s hand away. “Wait a sec, bro, let me cover it.” Raph stood still while Mikey covered the tattooed area with ointment and gauze and then secured it down with tape. When Mikey was done he patted Raph’s shell. “Good to go.”

By that time April and Vern walked into the lair. Vern was carrying a large cardboard box that he placed on the table. “We come with more gifts.”

“For me?” Mikey asked rushing over to them.

“For all of you,” April corrected as Mikey opened the box and looked inside. “It’s just some more clothes.”

Leo stepped out of the dojo. “Why did you bring us clothes?” He walked over to the table and had a look inside the box. Mikey was already pulling articles of clothing out and inspecting them.

April shrugged. “We figured you could use some more.”

“You are wearing the same clothes every time we see you,” Vern added as a matter of fact. “We figured it was due to having a lack of variety in your wardrobes. That and a lot of you guys need pants. The loin cloth thing is… a bit much.”

“Smart ass.” In a moment of jest, Raph shoved Vern. It was something Raph did often to his brothers but Vern was nowhere near as sturdy as the Turtles were. What would have barely budged one of the Turtles had knocked Vern off his feet. Fortunately, Donnie was there to catch him.

“Raph,” Donnie hissed. “The humans are soft and squishy. Remember? You can’t be so rough.”

“Who are you calling squishy?” Vern mumbled, holding on to Donnie for support.

April helped Vern to his feet. “Are you okay?”

Vern shrugged it off. “I’m fine.”

“Sorry,” Raph mumbled, turning his attention to the box.

“That’s the best you’re gonna get out of him,” Donnie whispered to Vern. He pulled his goggles down for a brief moment to look Vern over before turning his attention to the box.

“There are other little knick-knacks in there as well,” April continued, “odd pieces of things that nobody wanted. I had a feeling that you guys would find a way to make use of them.”

“Thank you,” Leo said as he pulled out a pair of pants.

The guys unpacked everything from the box and laid them out. One by one they started selecting items of their liking. There was some begging and a little bit of bickering but in the end they were all happy with their haul.

Donatello was a little excited. With the equipment that April and Vern had brought a few weeks ago he was able to reduce the amount he had on his body and had doubled the processing power. On top of that, due to some lithium batteries he no longer needed the solar panels he wore as tassets. He was more than ready to switch to pants.

He was going to have to make some modifications to what he had but he was sure that the pants he had selected would work. He also managed to get some suspenders and some backpack straps along with belts and buckles that he would be able to use to hold his equipment.

“Thank you.” Donnie smiled down at the two humans. “You have done so much for us.”

“We should repay you,” Leonardo insisted.

“Well you saved the city,” April pointed out. “If anything, we still owe you guys.”

Leo held up a finger, gesturing for them to wait as he backed up. “I know what we can give you.” Biting his bottom lip, Leo turned and trotted off.

“You really don’t need to give us anything,” April called out after him but Leo didn’t stop.

He returned with a small felt bag in hand and then handed it over to April. “Here.”

“What is it?” April asked as she opened the bag.

“Diamonds and other stones,” Leo replied. “You would be surprised how many pieces of jewelry we find down here in the sewers.”

“Like this,” Mikey chimed in, showing off his recently found gold chain necklace.

“Most of the time, Donnie melts down the gold to repair electronics,” Leo continued and then gestured to the bag. “We don’t really have any need for the stones. Donnie kept a couple of diamonds for cutting purposes but we have more than he needs. So you can have them.”  

Vern reached out for the bag. “We’re splitting those. Right?”

Rolling her eyes, April put the bag in her pocket. “If anything we will use the money we get from selling these to get you guys some new supplies.”

“Yeah, of course.” Vern smirked and let out a scoff. “I just meant that we need to split them up to sell so you don’t draw unwanted attention trying to sell them all yourself.”

“You know the value of diamonds is artificial,” Donnie pointed out.

Vern scoffed again. “Like that matters. Pretty girls like the overpriced, sparkly rocks so guys like me are willing to pay the outrageous price in order to gain their favor.”

“I’ll let you keep one,” April promised with a smile.

“That’s all I ask,” Vern replied.

After their two human friends had left, Donnie took a printout of all that he could find on Hamato Yoshi to Splinter. “This is all the information on Hamato Yoshi that is on the internet,” he said handing the small stack of papers to his father. “It’s a tragic story.”

Splinter had been meditating quite often lately, spending hours a day in his room. Donnie and his brothers rarely saw him outside of training. He took the papers and looked up at Donnie. “You’ve read it?”

“Yes.” Donnie nodded. “In short, he was born in the mid nineteen hundreds. He and his wife, Tang Shen ran a dojo. He was a master in ninjutsu. His top students were his teenage son and three other boys. They were all found slain in the dojo. Their killer was never found. The only reason it was even in the news was because one of the boys was the son of an American General, stationed in Japan.” Donnie gestured to the stack of papers. “I managed to find a photo that was taken after Yoshi’s students had won a tournament. That was all I could find.”

“Thank you, my son,” Splinter said softly with a distant look in his eyes. “I believe that there is more to this story.”

“Why did you want me to do a search on him, father?” Donnie wanted to know. “How did you even know of him? Was he the one who wrote the book on ninjutsu you had found?”

Splinter shook his head and his black eyes looked up to focus on his son once again. “I believe he is somehow connected to us.”

“How so?” Donnie asked. “He died in nineteen eighty. That’s even before April was born.”

“I do not know,” Splinter admitted, looking down at the documents. He placed his hand over them. “However, I hope that one day I will.”

“I will leave you to it then,” Donnie said as he turned to leave. “If you need anything else, I’ll assist you in any way I can.”

“Thank you,” Splinter replied. “I will keep that in mind.”

Donatello headed back to his lab. He was eager to try on his new pants and figure out a way to keep his gear on his back. But first, it was time to check on the eggs. Closing the door as soon as he entered his lab, Donnie headed straight for the sonogram machine.

He pulled the blanket back to reveal the two eggs that were nestled in a bed of wet peat moss and algae. They were about a month away from being ready to hatch.

He scanned the first egg only to discover that there was no heartbeat. A lump formed in his throat as tears filled his eyes. A sense of dread washed over him as he turned to scan the second egg.

Hands shaking, he couldn’t bring himself to set the probe to the surface. Donnie took a steading breath and swallowed hard before he was able to do it. He slid the probe over the surface but the device remained silent.

He couldn’t stop the cry of sorrow that escaped him.

Crumpling to the floor, Donnie covered his mouth to try to stifle the sobs. It hurt to breathe and he felt like he was going to be sick. He had done everything he could think of to keep them alive but nothing worked. They were dead. He cried uncontrollably and eventually numbness took over.

Donnie had no idea how long he sat on the floor, staring at nothing. All he knew was that his eyes burned and his throat was raw. With some effort he managed to get his mind and hands to work together enough to put the sonogram machine away.

The eggs felt heavy as the picked them up and placed them in the chest with the others. The smell was almost enough to make him sick but he managed to get the lid closed before it really started to get to him.

After taking a few moments to compose himself, Donnie picked up the chest and headed out of his lab. He didn’t look at anyone as he walked through the lair towards the exit. No one tried to stop him as he headed out on his own.

His own footfalls sounded distant to him and his eyes remained unfocused. Despite being in a state of shock, Donnie found his way to the spot he visited every year.

The old, abandoned subway station was cold and wet. There were places where the stone floor was broken and the dirt underneath could be accessed. It was in these spots where Donnie buried his children.

He tested the stone with his foot, looking for a spot where it was loose. When he found an acceptable spot, he knelt down, moved the chunk of stone and started digging.

When the hole was deep enough, Donnie opened the chest and started placing the eggs inside along with some fabric and wood shavings.

He had to know why it had died. So he opened one of the eggs that had lasted the longest to examine the body. The thin shell was already starting to soften so it took little effort to get it open.

Donnie’s chest tightened as he took in the sight of his deceased child. It was so small, thin, and, from the look of it, would not have been able to survive if he had hatched it early. His vision blurred and he had to wipe the tears from his eyes to continue his examination.

As he had feared, the yolk sack was diminished. The baby had starved. He had tried to incubate them in a nutrient rich environment, he had eaten as much as he could as they formed inside him, but it was all for naught.

He looked down at the tiny body cradled in his hands. “I’m so sorry.” Holding it close, Donnie allowed himself to cry once again.

Reluctantly he placed the small body in with the others. Why had he allowed himself to hope? He should have known better by now. He struck a match and set it to one of the bits of fabric. Since he had soaked the fabric in a flammable liquid, it quickly ignited and spread.  

It took several hours but Donnie sat there and waited for the flames to die out. The smell was hard to handle at first, it always was, but he was eventually able to block it out. When the flames finally died, he covered whatever was left with dirt and placed the slab of flooring back in place. He then pulled out a small chisel and carved a number five into the stone.

With that done, Donnie moved around the room. He stopped at each small grave and sang to them.

“Hush, Hush, Hush,
Says your daddy’s touch.

Sleep, Sleep, Sleep,
Says the hundred sheep.

Peace, Peace, Peace,
My you go in peace.

Oh, maybe next time
You’ll be Henry the Eighth.
Wake up tomorrow
Alexander the Great

Open your eyes
In a new life again
Oh maybe next time
You’ll be given a chance.  

Hush, Hush, Hush”

He looked at each stone slab with a number etched into it, counting down to the first one. There had only been two eggs that first year. Only one of them had been fertile.

“You take care of your little brothers and sisters,” Donnie whispered as he placed his hand on the cold stone. “I hope one day you can forgive me. Maybe then I will be allowed to keep one of them.” His voice got stuck in his throat and he had to take a few deep breaths before he was able to speak again. “I’m sorry. I should have known better.”

He lay down over the small grave. “Maybe it’s better this way. If you had been alive when the Foot had attacked, they would have taken you too. You would have either been killed or they would still have you. They would be training you to be the soldier they wanted us to be.” He kissed the stone. “I love you, Nozomi.”

It was well past midnight by the time Donnie had returned to the lair. He walked into his lab and cleaned the chest, leaving it open to dry. He would deal with the incubators later. All he wanted to do now was try to sleep. Nothing else mattered.

Donnie made his way into his room and closed his door. With a heavy heart, he fell into his bed. He wasn’t there long before he heard his door open. “Go away,” he barked without turning to see who it was.

The door closed and a few moments later there was someone in bed with him. “I said, go away,” Donnie rasped out.

Strong arms wrapped around him and held him close. “We don’t need to talk about anything,” Raph said. “Just let me be here for you. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Donatello turned in Raph’s arms and curled up against his plastron. Despite how dry his eyes felt, more tears fell. There was comfort in having Raphael there. It helped him to be able to settle down and fall asleep.
", "pools_count": 1, "title": "TMNT Struggles #4", "deleted": "f", "public": "t", "mimetype": "text/rtf", "pagecount": "1", "rating_id": "2", "rating_name": "Adult", "ratings": [ { "content_tag_id": "5", "name": "Strong Violence", "description": "Strong violence, blood, serious injury or death", "rating_id": "2" } ], "submission_type_id": "12", "type_name": "Writing - Document", "guest_block": "t", "friends_only": "f", "comments_count": "11", "views": "83" }