Shitty Defenses
“You know you can’t hide there forever you know… 
you’ve gotta come down at some poin-”
As the solider was speaking he was cut off by an arrow directly to the throat.
The dead soldier fell forward face first into the iron grills in front of the main gate. 
“If you idiots think that duke Marwyn’s men are just gonna hand over the Blackstone to you cretens that easily then I’m afraid people are retarded” Shouted the young captain Barron.
The other soldiers took the hint and headed back into their makeshift encampment a short distance away, just far enough to be out of shooting range.
This cycle had been going on continuously for just over three days. They send some soldiers to try to shoot down the archers and get through the gate, they fail, they try again in the next few hours and as they wait for backup.
Fort Blackstone had been known to be almost impenetrable all throughout the land. A tall fort surrounded by a hexagonal wall, cut off from the rest of the world by a moat, with it’s only access to the outside world being through a narrow bridge with two gatehouses on each side.
“Damn that was one hell of a shot Alfin” said the young bear captain to his fox compatriot.
“Yeah but I think that was the last of ‘em ”
“Well… crap”
“*sigh* yeah we seem to be in a bit of a bind”
“Can’t we do somethin’ like… I don’t know throw cutlery at them”
“Well we’ve been doing that for the last half hour and I think we’re out too”
“Damn… think we could… make some arrows?”
“Hmm… Actualy you know what we could go chop up one of the old chairs in storage but it’d take a while…”
“Great. Oh uh- Darry”
“Actually it’s Derrin” said the rather short mouse soldier.
“Derrin! I think it’s about time we celebrate surviving another wave of hapless idiots who don’t know what they’re doing. Bring out the meat!”
“Yeah about that Cap…”
In long drawn out fights like these for the most part the people inside the stronghold would have the advantage, being on the high ground and having a hell of a lot more protection. Usually the only course of action anyone trying to siege fort is to futilely try to power through arrows and random crap being thrown at them and try to break down that gate and get in or they could take the more tedious route and keep the men in the fort in a stalemate wherein neither side would be able to get to the other side of the bridge and the first to attempt get desperate enough to try to get to the other side loses.
“What do you mean there’s no food left”
“I told you there was only barely enough for three days rations and we should’ve asked for more before the fort got sieged”
“But last time I checked there were three whole crates of food down there”
“Yeah those had already gone stale for a few days now…”
“Well what about the reinforcements. Surely they’d bring some food along with them”
“yeah but they won’t be here for two days” said Alfin
It was starting to get apparent that the role of captain was perhaps a bit much for the inexperienced young bear. At the relatively young age of 21, at least seven years younger than the next youngest high ranking official under the dukes military, he probably shouldn’t even be captain at all let alone be prepared to act as leader in defending a stronghold . His unpreparedness wasn’t entirely his fault. The duke was an “eccentric” man with similarly eccentric tastes, rumored to have never bed the duchess but of course nobody would dare talk about him in such a light in his presence.
The duke was known for spending an unusual amount of time with random soldiers often with said soldiers climbing the ranks almost immediately after they start meeting with the duke for his private “sessions”. Some men intentionally try to gain the dukes favor to climb ranks faster but poor old Barron is less of an opportunist and more a victim of circumstance. Barron was a generally kind and nice young soldier but had the unfortunate weakness of being unable to say no to people and of course when the duke wants you head up to his private quarters so you can “have a little talk with him” it’d be very hard to say no. 
So eventually he ended up being a commanding officer, something that he’s probably too inexperienced to handle as though he has great skill with a sword and a bow he can be a tad … naïve.
So now Barron finds himself defending a stronghold in the middle of nowhere slowly starving to death.
The men retreat into the walls of the castle and into the keep as they discussed their plan of action.
“Well maybe they’re not too spoiled… just a little bit” Barron said as he pried open one of the crates.
An odd smell emanating from the crate immediately flowed out into the room making the rest of his men wince in disgust.
“Ugh captain you can’t be serious. We’re already dying of starvation you don’t have to speed up the process”
“Well what do you know. It could just smell bad but actually taste decent… and it’s better thn starving to death that’s for sure. I mean what are you guys going to do? Hunt for rats within the walls and eat them?”
“You know actually that sounds like a decent plan” 
 “Wait what? But there’d barely be enough food for us then”
“Well it’s better than food poisoning” 
“Then fine you guys can go on and eat some rat soup while I’ll eat this… delicious baguette”
*A few hours later*
The next morning the men were all lined up lined up on the wall with bows in hand and uneven sticks on the other. Having no ammunition left they decided to chop up the chairs in the hall into makeshift arrows. Everybody seems to have been in place except for one person.
“Guys has anyone seen the captain?”
“I haven’t seen him since last night. I reckon he’s--”
“Guys” said Barron panting as he ran his way up the stairs with his hands holding up his breeches.
“Oh hey wher’ve you been off to”
“Sorry been having some… stomach problems… But I’m back now and I’m ready to fight”
“You know cap if you want you can just stay on the sidelines and let us fight”
“Nonsense we should all be ready for battle no matter the circumstance”
“Okay whatever then”
The enemies were marching forward now with shields hoisted upwards and behind men carrying a large battering ram. They approached the gate slowly being ineffectively pelted by sharp wooden projectiles as they marched steadily towards the gate.
As the fight went on the men eventually ran out of their makeshift weapons and have resorted running back and forth grabbing anything they can get their hands on to throw at the invaders, all except for Baron who was hunched over with his hand on his stomach with a pained look on his face.
“Uhhh you okay cap?”
“no no I’m fine.. I’m just… A little sick”
The enemy was at their doorstep now readying the battering ram as the hail of random household items had stopped.
Suddenly--
“AAAhhh oooh”
“Whoah”
“Oh god was that one of ours”
“Did anyone get hit?”
“Huh! What? no nobody got hit” Said Barron now trying to regain composure
“Wait cap that was you?”
“Y-yeah no don’t mind me we have to focus on the situation at hand” said Barrown now standing upright but with his hands behind his back and all sweaty.
“Cap we’ve run out of stuff to throw and their at the gate”
“Well I believe there’s still some crates over at the storage we can throw at them so everybody head down there now… And ‘ll be right behind you”
As the men went down Barron breathed a sigh of relief. At that moment earlier he felt that maybe he could lessen his intestinal distress by letting out a few farts. Of course he discovers that he was blowing a little more than just air out of his ass.
“God I should’ve never eaten all that spoiled-”
*PFRRRRRRRRRRRRrRrRrRrRrrrrrrrrrrT!*
The bear accidentally let out another fart. This fart was greasier than the last and he was fairly certain that he felt a hot viscous liquid shoot out of his ass and into his breeches.
He was planning to go relieve himself inside while his men were busy trying to find stuff to throw.
He rushed towards the stairs but s he went down he felt a semisolid log try to squeeze its way out. He tried to pinch his anus shut but the log was already on its way out and so he ended up inching the log and letting a chunk of viscous bear crap slide into the back of his pants.
“Crap” he thought to himself
If he tried to continue he’d most likely be filling his pants with warm sticky bear scat.
And then he heard a loud *THUD*
The enemies were already bashing the gate in with the battering ram, reeling back quite a few steps before running straight into the door with the heavy battering ram causing minor tremors every time it hit the gate. Out of desperation he had a wonderful idea.
He took off his now soiled pants exposing his uncut cock and chubby bear ass. If you were to look at his ass you’d see a brown skid mark from the two previous sharts. He turned around and stuck his ass into one of the openings on the wall. Normally you’d either be shooting arrows through the opening or pouring over boiling oil. Barron had another use for it. Barron grabbed his cock by the tip of his foreskin and pulled it down revealing his a purple head with specks of musky white on the ridge. He pointed his cock down and let go.
It started off with a cascade of hot liquid diarrhea. It was mostly liquid but also very very viscous with some semisolid chunks in between. The floor below was lightly coated with brown splatters that was spread out by the wind.
“Ooooh man that was good”
The bear grunted as he now started to push and this time it was balls of chunky scat the consistency of melted chocolate. The balls were small just enough for it to tickle his anus as they came out rapidly. At the same time the bear started to piss and the piss too was spread all over the floor by the wind. The bear felt a chunk or two slid down his cheeks and then the back of his thighs. It was a good thing that he took off his pants.
“Captain We’v—Whoah what the fuck!”
“Oh god -- urnf”
The bear grunted as several larger logs of shit squeezed out of his ass at fast rate splattering all over the floor.
As the bear squeezed out those logs the invaders came running towards the gate either unaware or entirely uncaring of the shit all over the floor. As the battering ram hit a few of the soldiers up infront slipped on the bears nasty shit and found themselves getting crushed by the battering ram.
“Holy crap captain”
“Oh god no let me expl--”
“You just saved our asses look”
“What?”
The bear looked behind him as the logs slowed down and lessened into a trickle of small balls of semisolid bear scat and saw that the soldiers were retreating now and the large battering ram was left in such a way that it blocked the path to the gate.
Through terrible decisions Barron seems to have accidentally bought them more time to wait for reinforcements. But alas that wasn’t the end of it as just when the bear stood up now looking for something to wipe with another log suddenly pushed its head right out of his butt cheeks. Barron managed to hold the log down with his sphincter stopping him from shitting himself in front of his men but it was no less embarrassing as his men watched him turn around and carefully rush to the wall with a 3 inch protrusion of scat pinched between his butt cheeks. The bear scooted his way over to the wall with the log slowly inching out begging to be released and then unclenched as he put his ass up to the wall again.
A long brown coil started to snake its way out of his ass. It was about as thick as a grown mans wrist. It started out rough and lumpy then started to get smoother as the bears pained expression was replaced by one of intense relief. The log coiled into a nice neat pile infront of the gate.
His logs then grew smoother until he was just basicallyjust dripping water out of his anus
*sigh*”whew… God”
Just as he thought it was over his as started squirting liquid shit again and violently.
Panting he said “well guys I think I’ll be here for a while” as another squirt of liquid diarrhea burst forth from his anus.