"According to this text, he ruled over a time of great peace and prosperity. Showered with riches as tribute from neighboring lands, under his watchful eye the crops grew splendidly and his people were able to spend their days in comparative leisure. Why, here it describes his harem! Dear me... and his favorite concubine... a divine emissary from the gods themselves."
"Oh... it says he spent an uncountable treasure on lavish orgies, stripteases and lap dances. This can't be right. A giant-assed Mew with genitals so large they break into the other lines of text...? Hmph! I say."
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As it turns out, the reason Pokémorphs are so humongous is because they're all descended, eons ago, from hypersexed Legendaries. Who'd have thought it? I mean, sure, Ho-Oh has that story about reincarnating the gerbil trio and gifting them enormous new bodies, and the ocean foam is all just Lugia's cum - and don't get me started on the incestuous love between the Latis or the sexual rivalry between Reshiram and Zekrom. But it turns out those myths are all TRUE!
And when it comes to Mew? Well... he is rather literally the father of his species. Every Pokémon is said to have a small part of him in their DNA, and that's just because the eternal, ageless turbo-twink has been sleeping his way through every significant bedroom in all of human history. So without even knowing it, Mika ended up taking after her dad.
Neither she nor her daughter know he exists, though. After all, the nefarious organization that created Mika as a rubber golem did so by reverse-engineering a mere DNA sample. They never even saw Mew himself in the flesh! His current whereabouts are known only to perhaps half a dozen people at most - this is because he’s extremely secretive, content to only involve himself with humans by quietly drifting from wealthy patron to wealthy patron, sponging off their generosity and filling their days with blissful growth and sex in return. It's more of a positive exchange and personal relationship than Mika, of course, and he was more than happy to humor the people who used to call him divine in ancient times, but he never INSISTED on it... That's just how things kept turning out! It wasn't his fault, he swears!
That being said, he treasures those memories. There's a secretive villa somewhere out there where he goes on the rare occasions he wants to get away from it all, and the mementos he keeps inside are probably a historian's wet dream. He's full of stories, and he might have a bit of a bad habit of gushing over all of the incredibly famous historical figures who've been his boyfriends to anyone who'll listen. He's had a bit of a behind-the-scenes view to a lot of important history being made!
His heart might be in the past, but he definitely loves the connectivity of modern times. Living that long has taught him that progress is a natural and important part of life, and he's far from jaded or sick with nostalgia no matter how much he loves recounting his memories. Instead, he optimistically looks forward to seeing what comes next! He likes to "go with the flow" and enjoy everything that life has to offer, entertaining himself over the long term by seeing how cultures change over time. It's a bit disappointing that there's no aristocratic class or monarchy he can ingratiate himself with like he used to, but as the world becomes more and more interconnected there's still a whole lot to do.
Oh, and his name? He's gone by many in the past, oftentimes little more than "Hey, Sexy," or "C'mere, Buttlord!" But the one he goes by today dates from his time spent in Europe, and it's a fitting one given his species' place in Pokémon mythology.
He is Adam.
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I was telling my friend \r\n\t\t\t\t\t
| \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t | \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tSoltra\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t | \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
Well, there was never any question that the apple would've fallen far from the tree. After discussing it over, we settled on the idea of an immortal hyper femboy whose exploits were recorded over time in Egyptian tombs and medieval tapestries. He was disappointed that there's not really such a thing as an aristocracy these days, but he delighted in the Roaring Twenties as well as the pimp culture in the 1970's (and still dresses like one today - he loves purple!). It's fun to imagine what his granddaughter would say if she ever met him... perhaps it'll happen someday.
Anyway, last Saturday he surprised me by commissioning this picture from
\n\t\t\t\t\tSimonAquarius, and isn't it awesome? I love the clever little visual gag of the ankh tattoo...Thanks, dude! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ ~♥