Diaries of Amaldia Part 1 Ant Dear //diary// journal, My heart's jumping out of my chest. I can only hoped that what just happened to me was the worst nightmare of my life. All my fears and insecurities boiled into the worst embarrassment stew, the taste of which just won't leave my mouth. The cloudy skies sprinkle rain on the rocks outside. I'm sitting in my hideaway cave, a place I found outside of the village years ago that only my best friend Scruff and I know about. The nice smells from the fresh sprinkling can only do so much to take my mind off of the death of all of my social connections. On my way out, I had to go so fast that I grabbed the wrong //diary// journal. I have all of my raggedy clothes, emergency rations, ink, a quill. If only I hadn't accidentally grabbed the blank one. Now that I think about it, though...maybe it's right that my new life start with a fresh journal. There's no way I'm going back now, after all. If this is to be a fresh //diary// journal, then I suppose I'll need to introduce myself. I at least want my aunt and uncle to have this if I end up getting mowed down by a clan of Raideriders my first day out in the real world. Hello. My name is Ant, and no, it's not because I'm an antelope. I'm a mule deer. It's because of my antlers, but...well, it's a bit embarrassing to explain. Apparently, when I was born, I came out with little antlers, which they told me was very rare! Only...they never grew. Well...I'm still growing, I suppose. I'm only ten years old. But, they're still just little nubs, and everyone in the village won't stop--or, I guess I should say 'wouldn't stop'--asking me when they were going to grow bigger. So, that's the mystery behind my name. I don't know a lot about my heritage. I was told that both of my parents died when I was a baby. After I was orphaned, my aunt and uncle offered to take me in. Which probably would've been just fine for me, except for the fact that they were both mice living in a remote village that does nothing but stitch clothes. I'm sorry if I sound a little bitter, but I grew up in a place where I just...couldn't fit in anywhere. My village's name (the village I've decided to leave today) is Wearside. Every single animal who lives there is under three feet tall, and they have paws. While such a detail might seem trivial, I was the only animal in the village who had hooves. Creatures evolved long ago to speak and walk on two legs, and with those evolutions also came opposable thumbs. I can pick *some* things up, but a needle and thread seem to be too difficult. Unfortunately for me, being a seamster was the only thing I was expected to dedicate my time to, because the village didn't know any better. They hadn't raised anyone like me in who-knows-how-many years, so they just tried to treat me like everyone else. So I did my best to sew and stitch, and failure was not an option. Why? Well, my wonderful village has the most incredible customs and traditions that its villagers are expected to uphold with the utmost respect (can you hear my sarcasm?). From birth, we were given clothes to wear around, but when we reached age six, we were expected to make and wear clothes exclusively of our own creation. I can't remember much from when I was that young, but one of the first things I *can* remember was working on my first outfit. It felt absolutely impossible; I must've gone through our whole supply of fabric before I could manage something that would actually stay on my body. It was kind of like a dress, though I liked the word 'toga' a lot more. Of course, when I could finally go out to play in my newly-made clothes, I saw that all of the other cubs my age were leaps and bounds ahead of what I was capable of producing. They all had pants, shorts with drawstrings, finely-stitched shirts and scarves. The weather in Wearside is often comfortable, but it can get somewhat chilly at night and in the winter. Needless to say, I often felt cold and...well, just not as capable. That first toga I made was all I had to wear around while we played in the summer, swam in the water, studied, all the stuff you do growing up. And the biggest problem was, I could never figure out how to stitch undergarments together. So, no matter the weather, I'd go out with nothing between the world and me except for my thin sheet of fabric I messily sewed at age five. It worked fine enough while I was a little fawn, but as the months and years went on, it started causing me some...issues. I remember one day, when I was out with all of the other village cubs climbing trees. I must've been seven at the time, because I was starting to grow out of my toga. As I got a little taller and now towered over my villagemates, the green sheet of fabric rode higher and higher up my thighs. I'd pull it down each time I felt a little too much of my fur showing. Whatever worked to keep my privates private, though on that day in the forest, I'd learn just how compromising my scraps for clothing would prove to be. I was invited out by my best friend, Scruff. I always got along with Scruff, mainly because it seemed everyone else wanted to keep away from him. That would be because he and his family are skunks. Now, say all you want about the smell, but I actually find it kind of nice. I don't want to toot my own horn, but I've always thought I had a good nose for things, especially for sniffing out herbs and spices! It might sound strange, but my real passion is cooking. Or at least, it feels like a passion; I'm just really good at it. But I'll write more about that later. Where was I? Oh, Scruff! Scruff called me outside and said that everyone was headed to the forest to climb and see what kind of views they could get, so I followed along. It was a heck of a lot better than stitching anything. Soon enough, we'd reached the forest and joined all the other cubs. When we arrived, however, they were happy to tease and make fun of us. "Cover your noses, everyone!" A squirrel high up in a tree called down. "Scruff and Ant are coming." "What'd Ant come out here for? Isn't he a little big for the branches?" A cute little honey badger said. "H-Hey guys," I mustered my confidence and greeted the other cubs. "Hi, everyone!" Scruff added, cheerful as ever. "...aren't you guys too...big? I mean, you might weigh too much to get up the branches," a rat girl named Priscilla cut straight to the point. "Well...ummm..." I couldn't come up with anything, and Scruff wasn't saying anything, so the cubs continued to pile on. "Yeah, your big butts might even make the trees tip over!" A funny little weasel joked, making all the others laugh. His name was Elliott, and he was the troublemaker of our village. Even Scruff giggled a little, but I was feeling downtrodden by the whole interaction. I suppose I would describe what then came over me as an intense feeling of "I'll show them." "I think I could climb. T-To the top." I really should not have said those last three words, but my feelings got the better of me. Of course, everyone except for Scruff giggled and looked to each other, as if they knew something I didn't. Scruff even tried to warn me, "Ant, wait a moment. I think--" I was so drawn in by the opportunity of redeeming myself from humiliation that I couldn't see what was right in front of me. "Please," I whispered to the skunk by my side, "Let me try this." Scruff reluctantly stepped back to let me climb as the rest of the cubs watched with bated breath. I grabbed the lowest branch and planted a hoof into the tree bark, pushing and pulling myself up to overcome the first part of my trial. I expected to hear some giggles because of how much larger I was, but the other cubs' laughing persisted and even grew as I pulled myself higher, the branches creaking under my weight. "Ant, come down, now!" Scruff anxiously advised. Thinking he wasn't confident in my climbing abilities, I ignored him and pulled myself higher, now three times my height off the ground. It was at this point that everyone got the clearest view of what had been making them laugh so much: they could see under my toga. I realized this all too late, and I can distinctly remember the feeling of the heat rising to my cheeks. The laughing continued while I tried to close my thighs and pull my toga down, and some of their comments really stuck in my head. "I saw it! Did you see it?!" the Priscilla exclaimed. "His thing? I think we all did..." said Ben, the squat, little badger. "And his nuts! Er, *I* saw his nuts," the squirrel up in the adjacent tree added. You can always count on Nathan to seek out nuts, I guess... "STOP LOOKING!" I immediately yelled down. This was not the kind of attention I wanted, but I was only a few branches away from making it to the top. "Tuck it between your legs!" Scruff shouted out in good faith, though his outburst just ended up making everyone laugh again. I would've liked to follow his advice, but placing a hoof on my exposed privates, I was reminded that such a maneuver might not me possible. See, I'm the biggest animal in the village but...gosh, I can't even write this down without my stomach sinking. My wiener is...not big. And when I was climbing that tree a few years ago, it was probably even smaller. I don't know what other deer look like down there, so maybe that's how everyone is! Either way, I tried to tuck my tiny tool and pebbles like Scruff said, but that only ended up giving everyone else a show I didn't want to perform. Because right after I pushed them between my furry thighs, they popped right back out and wiggled around for all my villagemates to see. "They're flying around! And they're soooo tiny!" Elliott said loudly to make sure I heard. "I said STOP!" I can remember my voice starting to crack and shake from the sheer embarrassment of it all. From there, it all happened so fast. I started to climb even higher anyway, but I was going so fast that I started to get negligent about which branches I was grabbing, and right before I could make it to the top...*SNAP!* The only sound from below was a collective gasp as I tumbled down and over the branches on my descent. I remember it hurting pretty badly, but I don't think I ended up breaking anything. I certainly got a bit scratched up, though. And right at the end, so did my toga... *SHHRP!* Expecting to land flat-muzzled on the ground, I was shocked to find myself hanging by the last parts of my toga. Only, I couldn't see anything. My arms and head were both stuck inside the fabric, and the rest of my body dangled free, buck naked. I screamed and kicked my legs around, not knowing how far I was above the ground. Though, I soon realized I must've been two meters high when I heard everyone start to laugh. "Oh my lord." I heard the little rat girl's voice again, shrill as ever. "Twig 'n' ber-ries! Twig 'n' ber-ries!" That devious weasel started a chant, and before I knew it, all the other cubs had joined in. It's funny; in that moment, I remember listening for Scruff's voice and not being able to hear it. "That's not a twig, it's an acorn!" the little badger Ben said, sounding too proud of himself. Their laughter filled my ears again and turned my face bright red under my fur. I guess it was a good thing they didn't see *that*. Well, at least until I got down. "Ant, are you okay?!" Scruff finally got a word in. I started sniffling, so the next words to come out were from a very obviously distressed and humiliated deer. "I'm alright..." (I wasn't.) "But can you g-get me down?" Everyone there had to be staring straight at my privates. I tried to hide them by pulling up my thighs, but that did a whole load of bull squat in terms of reducing my embarrassment. "Look, look! They're bouncing around!" the weasel said. "HAHAHA, no way! I think my thingy's bigger than his!" A fox who was silent until now spoke up, being so bold as to pull the front of his pants out next to the badger and offering him a peek. The badger gasped and his face went red. "It IS! H-How is that even possible?! He's a deer and you're a fox!" "Ant is small as an ant!" The weasel joked after getting his own peek at the comparison. Everyone started laughing yet again, but soon enough, I heard pawsteps beneath me. "Ant! Try to pull your toga down!" Scruff advised from directly under me. "I'll catch you!" "He'll just kick you in the face with his stupid hooves!" The fox jested, quite insensitively, I might add. "Can some of you help, then?" Scruff said, being the only one who cared about me enough to put an end to all of this. "Nathan, you climb up and see if you can undo the toga," he said to the squirrel, who reluctantly started climbing. "And Archie, you and Ben should come over and help to catch him!" The fox and badger immediately opposed the idea. "No, like I said, his stupid hooves are gonna hit us!" "Yeah!" the badger added like some lemming. "You guys really wanna upset Mr. and Mrs. Skitters?! I'm sure they'll tell your parents right away that you bullied their nephew!" "Oh come on, they would only care if he was actually their son." Ouch. I know I felt a sharp pain in my chest after Archie said that. "ARCHIE! GET OVER HERE! You too, Ben. I do *not* want to have to spray you." Scruff demanded. "Nathan! Are you up there yet?" "Yeah, yeah, I'm almost there," he said, and I suddenly felt the vibrations of his paws on the branch I was dangling from. "Wowzers...this is really your best stitch job, Ant?" Even at my most vulnerable, Nathan took the opportunity to tease me. I felt him start to pull and unwravel the fabric from the branches, but he appeared to be struggling with it. "Guys, come over here! I think I can see Ant's butthole!" It seemed Archie wanted to get back at Scruff and me for subjecting him to a potential hoof-clonking. Scruff didn't say anything; I can only assume he was looking up to see the same thing Archie was. "I wanna see!" I heard Priscilla squeak. "Me too!" Someone else said, and suddenly I had many more pawsteps skittering under me. "STOP IT!" I yelled. What could I do? I lowered my tail, but that didn't offer much coverage. So, I clenched my cheeks together too, but that was right when Nathan decided to make some more progress with my toga. "WaaaGH!" I dropped one meter lower but I was still stuck in my garment, and my garment was still stuck in those stupid branches. I felt my bits bounce and my cheeks jiggle. "HA! That's a better view!" I hear Archie's voice, now much closer to me. "Ant's showing his dinky *and* his stinky," Elliott laughed and jumped up to swat one of my dangling hooves. "Nathan, FINISH UP!" I cried. "Relax, I've almost got it," he assured me, though, the next thing I felt was the telltale sensation of tearing. Little did I know, the top part of my toga was separating from the bottom, and only a second later, I fell. "He's down!" Priscilla called out the obvious. I landed directly on top of scruff, with a couple other paws out from the other cubs to reluctantly try to catch me. Everything shook upon landing, and all the cubs gathered around me to assess the damage. I never thanked Scruff for letting me get my naked butt all over his clothes. This, of course, left my seven-year-old bucky balls and button out for my entire social group to ogle and laugh at. "I couldn't see it while he was up there, but...you're right. It really *is* that small!" A little shrew named Sherry spoke up, usually too shy to say anything but enamored by the disaster unfolding before her tiny eyes. "I'm gonna poke it!" "ANT! Are you alright?!" It sounded like Scruff had gotten the wind knocked out of him, definitely thanks to me. At that moment, I couldn't find the strength to form any words. I ripped the top of my toga off and finally had a view of the cubs surrounding me. And just like I expected, their eyes were all trained exactly where I didn't want them. Upon seeing my shocked, red face, they couldn't help but laugh yet again. "He might even be smaller than my little brother..." Archie wondered out loud to get a rise out of me. Though, I was all out of any energy I had to fight back. I just remember pushing myself back up, trying to wrap the upper scrap of cloth around my naked lower half, and running away as fast as my hooves could carry me. "Ant, wait!!!" I could barely hear scruff call out. "You guys stay here, I'm going to take him back." "Anything to get you not to spray us, Smellybutt McFartypants," Elliott giggled. Suddenly, over my sobbing, I heard a familiar set of pawsteps behind me. "Ant! Oh my gosh, are you okay?!" "Sc-Scruff...*sniffle*", I whined. "No...everyone saw..." "That was seriously mean! None of them wanted to help you!" he leveled with me. "Y'know, I can tell the village leader about this! He'll make sure they get a good punishment for what they did to you. "NO!" The last thing I wanted was to be the talk of all the village's adults *on top of* all the cubs who witnessed the event firsthand. "Just...GAH! This never would've happened if I hadn't grown up here!" "Well...that kinda goes without saying...my dad told me that our environments make and change us. You could've been found in a village that makes weapons, or armor, or food!" "--no, I mean...If I grew up how I was *meant* to. Do things that deer do! I can't stitch! I can't stitch anything at all!" "Ant, I know you said you didn't want to talk about it, but I was serious when I said I could make you some clothes," Scruff offered. "Keep your voice down! Someone might hear!" I warned him. "They're all back there climbing the tree now. Look, you and I both know about the rule." "Yeah, I'm only allowed to wear clothes that I made entirely by myself," I repeated the rule that'd been hammered into our heads since birth. "There's no way that'll work. They'll be able to tell immediately that you're the one who made them. I mean, look at your clothes! They look like they came from the royal seamster's shop, for buck's sake!" "Ant, *language*," Scruff snarled. "Sorry..." "I have an idea." "What is it?" A glimmer of hope appeared in my voice. I was desperate and quite in need of clothing. "I think I can make you some clothes that'll fool the village into thinking that you stitched them together. I've been looking at your threading patterns, and I think I could make something really convincing," he proposed. "You mean...I could have pants? Actual clothes?" Everything that I had been taught growing up in the village clashed against this sudden offer from my best friend. "Yeah! Go to your sewing room and tell your Aunt and Uncle that you're going to try your best to make new clothes. *Alone*. After it gets dark, I'm gonna show up to your window with the clothes I made and pass them off so that you can, y'know, 'pass them off' as your own." Though I felt a little hesitancy from the morally grounded part of my brain, all of the anger and loneliness I felt from growing up where I didn't belong made me want to take some kind of action. Even if it doesn't play by the village's rules. "...Yes. Please." I started sobbing and embraced Scruff, who rubbed a paw on my back to calm me down. It felt especially good on just my fur, but I blushed after realizing that I had dropped my scrap of cloth and my privates were up against Scruff's soft shirt. He felt this too, and peeked down to see my wiener and balls up close. He didn't linger for too long, though. He looked right back up to my face and said, "It's alright. You're not any smaller than I am down there..." We let each other go and decided to make our way back. Thankfully, we didn't see many other animals strolling the road. My naked butt was going to be safe for a little longer. Scruff led me around to the side of the village, far from the entry area and through secret hole in the fence that village cubs liked to use (and were sure never to tell their parents about). Before we arrived at my house's back door, Scruff reminded me of the plan. "Tell your Aunt and Uncle that your toga got destroyed and that you're gonna try to make actual clothes. A-And tell them you've been practicing! I'll be back after it gets dark," Scruff said before turning around. "Oh yeah! And make sure they don't come in halfway through. Just tell them you need...alone time for it. Okay, I'll see you later!" And he was off. Of course, my Aunt and Uncle heard my hoofsteps as I entered through the back door. "Ant, honey, you're home!" Just as they skittered into my view, their faces changed and suddenly showed grave concern. "Oh my goodness...sweetie!" The sight of her nephew roughed up, scratched all over, and completely naked (save for the fabric he held tightly over his crotch) wasn't easy for Aunt Lisa to see. "Are you okay? What happened?" "Don't tell me you and Scruff went and got yourselves into trouble again," Uncle Gerald interrogated me in his typically *un*concerned manner. Well, at least not concerned for me. "Gerald, can't you see he's hurt! And he's naked!" Having that pointed out made me shiver with embarrassment. "Don't worry, Aunt Lisa! I-I'm fine, really! Just had some trouble climbing trees and I, uh...I tore my toga." "Oh sweetie, not your toga! Are...you going to be able to make another tonight? We need you to go out and gather berries tomorrow!" "Well now you'll finally be able to make yourself a *real* set of clothes," Uncle Gerald always made sure to point out my seamster-ing shortcomings. "R-Right! I've actually been practicing lately...and I think I can do it! B-But I need to be alone!" I paused for a moment, not knowing what to say and almost revealing my secret. "--Just for focusing, y'know? I think my problem beforehand was getting distracted, so I'm gonna focus really hard. Alone. In the sewing room." "...O-Okay!" Aunt Lisa wanted nothing but to encourage me. "We'll see about that..." Uncle Gerald said. He didn't sound suspicious, quite the opposite in fact, likely anticipating that this sewing session would end in failure like the hundreds that came before. Either way, I headed straight for the sewing room and made careful sure to lock the door. I looked over to the window where Scruff said he'd show up later, and I felt truly lucky for having a friend like him. What I didn't feel truly lucky about, however, was staying locked in the sewing room for the whole night. It felt like every time I came in here, I would disappoint someone, be it myself, my aunt and uncle, Scruff... I looked under the window and remembered I had stashed one of my cookbooks under the fabric in the basket below. I dug it out and was relieved to see that a candle was already lit on the table to help with my reading. All I had to do at that point was wait. Of course, it also occurred to me that it would be smart to make it *look* like I sewed, so I got some needles and thread out, and some different colors of fabric to help complete the illusion. I started to read through my notes. Even at age seven, I was obsessed with ingredients, and my mind was already rushing with possibilities. I was going out to pick berries the next day, and I was sure there could be some kind of confection I could create with them and the herbs I'd sniff out along the way. Although the other animals in the village know me for being terrible at sewing, they've also enjoyed the treats I've offered them, though not without reminding me that my time would better be spent practicing our village's proper trade. Reading through my cookbook has always made me wonder...do other deer know how to cook? Would I be the odd one out with them, too?