Diego’s Gotta Go


It was a bright and beautiful day, and Manny, Sid, Ellie, Crash, Eddie, and Diego were making a trek across the land to find a new place to live. About a few hours into their journey, the herd realized that they had forgotten to go to the bathroom back at home, and that they really needed to go now.


"Hey, Manny? I kinda have to go to the restroom right now," said Sid with an embarrassed smile on his face.


"Yeah, I do too!" said Crash, "and so does Eddie, he's been farting non-stop ever since we left!"


"Have not!" said Eddie.


"Have too!" responded his brother, "I can barely breathe!"


"Can't you guys just hold it?!" yelled Manny.


"Honey," said Ellie, "I kind of have to tinkle as well."


"Ugghhh... alright. I guess the food we had earlier is coming back on me too..." said Manny.


"Where are we gonna go?" asked Sid.


"Can't we all just go behind that big rock over there?" asked Manny. "I'm pretty sure we've seen each other go to the bathroom before, so we've got nothing to hide."


"I don't care where we go, Manny. I've got a big load to drop!" said Eddie as he placed his paws on his rear and hopped around with a desperate look on his face.


"It sure does smell like it," said Crash as he placed one paw on his nose and waved his other to drive the stink away.


Diego, who was far ahead of the herd because he insisted on leading their trek, was hearing a dispute behind him.


"Hey guys, what's all the noise about!?" Diego said impatiently.


Manny replied to him. "We all had to go to the bathroom so we're just gonna do our duty behind that big rock over there."


"Together?" asked a disgusted and confused Diego.


"Diego, we've all seen each other use the bathroom one time or another," said Sid, "what's to worry about."


"Wait, have we seen Diego go to the bathroom?" asked Crash.


"Hey, I don't think so!" said Eddie, "he's always gone off into the woods on our trips and done his business in private."


"And I intend to keep it that way," said Diego. "You guys can have your gross communal potty trip and I'll find a better place to go."


"Alright, suit yourself," said Manny.


With that, the rest of the herd made their way behind the large rock while Diego found a more private place to use the bathroom. Diego always had a problem with doing his duty. When he was younger his brothers would constantly prank him while he was 'going', be it by scaring him or leading their friends over to watch. It was especially embarrassing for the young cub, as they would laugh at his pink rear end (which hadn't had grown hair on it until he was older). Diego made his way over to a tree about fifty feet away from the rest of the herd and made sure that he was out of sight. Satisfied with his positioning, he squatted and was about to let nature take its course when he saw three female squirrels giggling and pointing at him from the tree across from him. He immediately stood from his squat position, gave a nervous laugh and grin to the ladies sitting on the tree branch, and hustled away with his tail between his legs.


Meanwhile the rest of the gang were over behind the large rock, getting ready to answer nature's call.


"Whew, I can't wait to let go," said Eddie, "I've been holding it in for a while."


The animals sat in a line equally spaced from one another. All at once they dropped their hind ends into a squat. Right off the bat, a huge fart erupted from one of the animals' posteriors.


"Okay, who was that?" asked Ellie.


"Guilty! He heh," said Manny with a sheepish grin.


Moments after Manny's fart, many others began to erupt. It wasn't long before the sounds of urine piddling and poop hitting the ground were prevalent. As they were all doing their business, Eddie nudged his brother's shoulder.


"Hey, check out how huge Manny's butt is, haha," Eddie whispered to his brother. They both watched as Manny pushed out huge boulders of Mammoth business from between his big furry cheeks.


"Eww, it smells nasty!" responded Crash. The grossed-out possum took a glimpse behind his brother to see his handiwork. "Woah, you really had to go there, bro. That's a lot of dump for one possum!"


"Oh, don't worry buddy. I've got more," said Eddie. With that, Eddie squatted lower as his brother watched him plop another two dozen pellets on the ground. He then started to urinate and he gave a loud sigh of relief.


"Gross, dude," said Crash, "I did NOT have to see that today."


"Well you shouldn't have watched!" Eddie said as urine puddled up underneath him.


Over to the right of the possum brothers, Sid and Manny were also answering the call of nature.


"Whew, I am backed up," said Sid.


"Gross Sid, keep it to yourself," responded Manny.


Sid watched as Manny continued to push out his poop, amazed at the sheer amount of it.


"Sid, quit staring at my butt." said Manny. "Keep it up and you'll be getting a face full of it in a minute."


"Sorry Manny!" said Sid. The sloth concentrated and pushed out a few logs that landed underneath him. Right after that, he began peeing. Sid had been drinking a lot of water on the trip, so it began to puddle up a lot.


"Jeez, Sid! Watch where ya spray that thing!" said Manny, "some of it's getting on my foot!"


"Oh, whoops," said Sid, "guess that's what I get for drinking so much water, heh heh."


Ellie, meanwhile was off in her own little world apart from all of the boys. She had finished tinkling early and made her way back to the other side of the rock.


The rest of the herd had finished doing their duty, and stepped back to admire their handiwork. Manny had the biggest pile of all, followed by Sid, then the possums.


"Woah! Manny had a huge load to drop," said Crash.


"Well, yeah. I'm a mammoth." said Manny. "I eat a lot, so I poop a lot."


"Ech, it smells disgusting here. Let's go," said Sid.


The gang met up with Ellie on the other side of the rock.


"Hey, where's Diego?" asked Ellie.


"He must be done by now," said Manny. "Hey, Diego!" he shouted out to the woods, "are ya finished yet?!"


*Oh crap!* Diego thought to himself. *I couldn't find a place to go, and I still need to do my business. I'll just find a good place to go later. How hard can it be to hold it in?*


Diego made his way back to the gang.


"What took ya so long? Did you have a little trouble finding a litter box?" joked Manny. The rest of the animals laughed at his joke.


"Haha, very funny, numbskull" said Diego. "Look, can we just go now? We've got lost time we need to make up thanks to you idiots."


"Jeez, someone's cranky," said Sid.


The rest of the herd agreed and they were off again. Later, the group reached the bottom of a mountain and began to climb it. They reached a point where the mountain was really steep. They were all climbing one behind the other. Diego began to feel discomfort in his belly when he was climbing, and it began to rumble and make funny noises. Sid was most scared of this, as he was climbing directly below Diego and had a very "detailed" view of his pal's rump.


"Diego," said Sid "whatever you do, don't--*PFFFFFFRRRRRTTTT*. Sid was cut off by an enormous fart from Diego's rear end.


"That's what you get for calling me cranky," said Diego.


"Haha! I thought you said you already went to the bathroom, buddy," said Manny.


"That was just some of the aftermath I guess," lied Diego.


When the group got to the top of the mountain, it was already nighttime. Diego got that familiar feeling in his haunches that told him that he really needed to go. Bad. The group set up a campfire and after some food, went to sleep. Diego, however, stayed up until everyone was out cold. He then made his way into the nearby forest to find a place to unload. He first tried a rock that looked pretty secluded. He got down into his usual squatting position, but then he heard giggling again! He looked around him with his feline night-vision and saw a group of young armadillos laughing at him. Diego ran away quickly and, spot after spot, was being looked at while we was trying to use the little tiger's room. The tired tiger couldn't take it anymore and he decided that he would just find a place in the morning. It was almost sunrise when Diego collapsed near the campfire.


Diego woke up in a quiet an peaceful meadow. He stood up and realized that he still had to deal with his "issue". With nothing else on his mind, he made his way toward the center of the meadow, where there was a patch of sand just big enough for him do do his duty on. He looked all around him and there wasn't a soul in sight. Satisfied with the situation, he slowly bent his hind legs down into a squat and lifted his tail...


A minute or two before Diego's dream was taking place, the rest of the herd began to wake up.


"Wow, what a good sleep!" commented Manny.


"Agreed," said the well-rested possum brothers.


"How are you feeling, Diego?" asked Sid.


No response was heard from Diego. Rather, the saber-tooth tiger slowly got up with his eyes half opened and walked past Sid over to where the other animals were.


"Guys, don't disturb Diego or make any loud noises. I think he's sleepwalking," said Ellie. Diego stopped in his tracks and turned his posterior toward all of his friends. Slowly, he made his way down into a squat and raised his tail, putting his smelly derriere on display.


"Is he doing what I think he's doing?" asked a concerned Manny. Crash and Eddie started giggling at each other.


"Mm-hmm," they both said with giggly smiles.


Diego let loose a couple of breezy farts before getting on to the main event. He began by dropping his feline feces on the ground beneath him. Each piece plopped on the ground with a subtle splat sound one after the other. Diego elicited a loud sigh.


"Wheeewwwwh, that one was a stinker!" he said to himself in his dream, causing him to say it out loud to his friends in real life. This caused Crash and Eddie to start giggling on the ground uncontrollably, as they couldn't contain their laughter. Manny and Sid also couldn't help snickering, with Ellie joining in after she lost her patience trying to remain mature.


After dropping a couple more logs from his tail hole, he shifted over and turned to his right. Out of nowhere, he raised his right leg and began whizzing all over the ground.


"Ohhh, so that's what a cat's looks like," said Crash.


"Wow, his hang a lot lower than Manny's," said Eddie.


"BOYS!" yelled Ellie as she ran over to cover their eyes.


"What? We're observing!" said Crash and Eddie.


Diego continued to urinate on the ground to his right, allowing Manny and Sid a good look at his nether.


"I know it's mean to look, but they do hang kinda low," said Sid.


"It sure is a lot smaller than I expected," Manny said to Sid.


As Diego finished up, he moved his leg back down and concealed his privates. Immediately after this, his head dropped to the floor and his bottom stayed in the air, similar to a downward dog pose. About twenty seconds later, he woke up looking between his legs at an upside-down picture of his friends snickering and holding in their laughter. He also saw a fresh steaming pile of his business on the ground underneath his rump, along with a large puddle of pee. He began piecing the situation together and realized that he must have been sleepwalking. Or better yet: sleep-pooping. He immediately turned around and covered his privates with his paws so as not to subject himself to further embarrassment while his friends all laughed at him.


"Don't worry about covering up, Diego!" said Crash.


"Yeah, everyone got a pretty good view earlier, haha!" said Eddie.


"Well, it's not my fault! There wasn't anywhere to go without people looking at me!" said an embarrassed Diego.


"Well, it turns out we still got a pretty good look at you, buddy." said Sid.


"Wait, you guys saw my--


"Yep," said Manny.


Diego looked down at the ground with a deep blush. "Please don't tell anyone about this, guys."


"Maybe if you had just taken a dump with your pals, this wouldn't have happened," said Manny.


"Well, wise guy, I'm kind of sensitive about my...parts." replied Diego.


"Well, no use being sensitive about them anymore, pal," said Sid.


"Look, we're sorry we looked at you while you were letting loose, it was just so funny to see after hearing you be so uptight about 'going' around other animals," said Manny.


"I guess I was a little anal about it," said Diego. "Look, can we just go now."


"Yeah, sure," said Manny.


The whole gang ate breakfast and left to eventually arrive at their new home about seven hours later.


"Ohhh," said Eddie, hopping around, "why couldn't we get a potty break?"


"Because we needed to make it here before nightfall," said Manny. "But I do think that now we're here, it would be a good idea to go to the bathroom. I've really gotta go."


"We've gotta choose a place to start going to the bathroom," said Crash.


Ellie went off to her own place to use the restroom while the boys of the group went off to find a good place to drop their loads. It wasn't long before the group came across a row of four trees in an open space.


"Alright, Crash and Eddie share one," declared Manny.


"Awwww man! Seriously? He's gonna get pee pee on my leg!" complained Crash.


"Pfft, you should be more worried about the smell," said Eddie jokingly, lifting his leg and ripping a fart for good measure.


The five pals all went over to their respective trees and bent down into a squat, lifting their tails in the process. Diego was the first to let rip a massive fart.


"Woah, Diego! That was huge!" said Crash.


"Heh, thanks. Bet you can't beat it though," challenged Diego.


"Oh yeah?" said crash, "watch me." With that Crash clenched his paws and let out a loud, stinky fart that was suddenly cut off by his possum pellets, which were exiting early. Everyone began laughing at Crash for pooping himself in front of his pals.


"Push a little too hard there, buddy?" asked Diego.


"Shut up, I was about to beat you and you know it!" said Crash.


The whole group now began to do their business. Manny began by dropping his smelly boulders again, sighing and smiling with relief as he did so.


"Jeez, Manny," complained Sid, "that really smells. What did you eat?"


"Oh, just some rotten bird eggs and those plants we found by the rocks earlier," said Manny.


"The ones with the stinkbugs on them?" asked Diego.


"Ohhhhh, that explains things," said Manny embarrassedly.


Diego, Sid, and the possums also started letting their bowels go. A symphony of farts and plops erupted among the rear ends of the bathroom buddies. After finishing with his dumping, Diego turned toward the tree, lifted his leg, and begin taking a leak on the trunk, exhaling a satisfied sigh of relief. Crash and Eddie started giggling as they looked up at Diego's private area again.


"Stop looking at my gonads! How'd you like it if I looked at your junk while you were taking a leak?" said Diego.


"Sorry, they just look kinda funny is all," said Crash.


"Oh yeah, you want a better look at 'em?" asked Diego. The prehistoric cat turned around and bent so his rear end was in the possums' faces, giving them a good view of his poop chute and his sack before he let rip a nasty fart on them.


"Oh, nasty!" said the possums together.


"It's what you get for peepin'" said Diego.


The five pals finished up their business and commented on the smell.


"Man, you really left some smelly stuff behind, Manny," said Sid.


"You're one to talk. It smells like rotten eggs on your tree!" said Manny.


The gang began walking back to their sleeping area when something smelled odd.


"Hey, I thought our bathroom was back there. Why does it still smell so bad?" asked Sid.


"Why don't you ask Mr. Big Smelly Mammoth here. I've had to walk behind him this whole time." complained Diego.


Each member of the group lifted up his hind leg to smell his lower region and they all immediately realized that they needed to wash up. The gang found a nearby pool and they all sat around in a circle. Manny was feeling particularly relaxed, and spread his legs wide open, which cause the immature possum brothers to yet again start giggling.


"Hey, Manny. Ya might want to cover up what you're packing under the water, you've got some onlookers," said Diego.


"Oh yeah, well they won't be laughing about this," said Manny. Manny let loose a couple of underwater farts that bubbled up to the surface.


The bubbles popped right in front of Crash and Eddie. "Aww," said Eddie, "gross!"


To top it off Manny starting to drain his lizard, turning the water slightly yellow and making it especially warm around Crash and Eddie. The two possums ran out of the pond screaming back to Ellie, who was waiting at their sleeping area.


"What a day," said Manny.


"You said it," said Sid.


"My balls don't hang that low, do they?" asked Diego.