"If you think you can win with that cheap piece of plastic, let's have a bet. If you win, you get to kill me, 'cause I'd be a failure at making Extreme Gear otherwise."

I was challenged to a special DLC quest race by Wave the Swallow for the newest Sonic Riders installment. Turns out, nobody else got this quest for some reason. It was rated 5 star difficulty, and I was promised a special cutscene for victory.

I wanted to 100% this challenge, so I picked my main, Silver, and started up. I got a perfect start and knocked Wave off her board, maintaining a lead. This lead was maintained all the way to the end, and I cross the finish line in first place! First try.

"No way! I lost...? W-wait, please! You know I wasn't serious...!"

I was treated to a cutscene where Wave is being cornered by Silver, a green glow encircling her head. In a gruesome event, Wave's head is pulled from her shoulders in a burst of psychic energy, her eyes rolling back in her skull. Her body dropped like a stone and I was in shock. I paused the cutscene, (you know, for finding easter eggs.) Just staring at this. Someone [i]died[/i]  in my sonic the hedgehog game. This wasn't real. Wave's headless corpse was...

...I had to try this again.

I reset the game and reloaded the cutscene with several characters, played through several times. Every time, Wave dies in some gruesome fashion.

 Amy Rose lay atop her and smashed her face in repeatedly with two Piko-Piko hammers, one in each hand. Wave twitched with each strike, even after her body relaxed in death. Rouge the Bat shot her to death with a legion of G.U.N. troopers in a makeshift firing squad. Even Sonic the Hedgehog himself snuffed the poor girl, running up to her in a blur and slicing her head clean off with a spin dash.

What surprised me the most were the scenes where her own partners would end her. Jet the Hawk, disgraced with Wave's poor performance as a mechanic, took his two giant fans and slashed neatly through the girl's throat. She dropped to her knees, begging for him to save her, but he just... stood there. Watched. I could swear he was even masturbating to this. I know I was, but I had to stop at certain points and question "is this really a Sonic game...?"

Storm the Albatross was next. I don't like power types, but I managed to beat her into submission after three tries. Storm slowly approaches, grabs Wave's head in his giant hands, and snaps her neck 360 degrees. She actually even peed herself after death! I replayed that cutscene at least 5 more times, jerking off to it wildly. I'd wanted to do that to that purple bitch for so long now...

After wiping off my sticky controller, I thought to myself "who wouldn't kill this bird bitch...? Cream. Cream the Rabbit can't kill anything."

Boy, was I wrong. Hers was the most violent of them all.

Cream stood before her defeated opponent. Wave was shocked she lost to a kid. But Cream had this evil look in her eyes. She took out a blue toy Chao head and blew into it. It was a modified dog whistle, it turns out, and just as the Swallow let her guard down, a swarm of feral neutral and devil chaos chao entered the room and began ripping into Wave, eating her alive! Wave stuck her hand out of the pile before it went limp and was gobbled up in a mess of blue Chao and red blood.

 Cream just looked on, before slipping off her panties. She wears panties now...? Anyways, out of the crowd, Cheese returns to Cream's side and begins fisting the little rabbit. He shoves his whole hand inside her! And she came from it! I flipped out and turned the game off. I'd save the rest of these for later and record them, before Sega recalls the game entirely.

That wasn't the last surprise, though. The second I rebooted the game to record more of the Swallow dying, I was greeted with a picture of the entire sonic the hedgehog cast holding a plate with Wave's cooked body on a platter, with the message "Happy Anniversary, Sonic the Hedgehog!" on an overhead banner.

 Vector the Crocodile had Wave's head attached to his dick in reverse, and he was fucking her in the limited animation present on the picture. His cock was going through her throat and coming out of her mouth. I smiled and started up the DLC to play some more. Luckily, it hadn't been patched yet, and I had to 100% the game still. For science, of course. Not for the box of tissues at my side.

"If you think you can win with that piece of plastic, let's make a bet. If you win, you get to kill me. I'd be a failure at making Extreme Gear otherwise."

I've heard that line so many times now. To this date, I've recorded a large portion of the Sonic the Hedgehog characters viciously ending Wave the Swallow's miserable life. I've compounded some of the more notable mentions.

At first, I pondered the question: "If Cream the Rabbit, nicest of the sonic characters, could be so evil, what will the most evil ones do?" This led me to Shadow the Hedgehog. Beating Wave in a race using him was incredibly easy, since he's a speed type.

The cutscene that followed was slightly different. Wave didn't speak her usual "What?! I can't believe I lost to you..." line. Instead, she just stood there with her mouth open. I thought my game had froze when I heard footsteps off screen. 

Shadow the Hedgehog stood there completely naked, twirling a Chaos Emerald in the air. He stripped Wave's frozen body naked and plugged his dick in her pussy roughly, whispering "Chaos... Control..." barely audible enough for anyone to hear.

He forced Wave into several awkward positions while he fucked her. He even shoved his damn fourth chaos emerald inside of her asshole. She just stood there with her mouth open and accepted it. Occasionally you could hear her bones cracking due to her being frozen. I thought my game froze entirely when I finally heard:

"Chaos... Spear!"

Suddenly, Wave was unfrozen, but she had a giant hole in the middle of her forehead. Semen was dripping out of her pussy, and she fell limp to the ground, suspended only by Shadow's hands and cock. That didn't stop him, though, and he went for round two with the twitching corpse of the bird. Wet slapping and Wave's brain dead gurgling were the only noises that filled the screen as it slowly faded to black. Shadow never actually pulled out of Wave's cooling pussy, and I can only guess she's still riding him to this day.

Okay. Obviously I've been looking in the wrong place. Miles Tails Prower is not only the second youngest sonic character, he's also the smartest. Surely he would know not to-

...Who am I fucking kidding?

Tails brings back his Magic Hands as a Cameo from Sonic Battle for her. They pop out of the floor and hold Wave's feet in place as he approaches. Wielding the spark plug he uses to attack in game, he violently shoves the thing up her cunt and activates it.

Wave begins screaming madly as thousands, maybe millions of volts are pumped into her cunt. Worst part of all is she pees herself, and water conducts electricity. The shocks are amplified and spread throughout Wave's legs, and her screaming slows down. Soon enough, they're reduced to nothing more than shudders and convulsions. Wave begins foaming at the mouth, having gone into cardiac arrest from a heart arrhythmia.

She drops to the floor dead instantly, her body still madly shaking as all the residual electricity grounds itself.

...Fuck. There's just nobody in this roster that won't kill Wave, and I've already run through three ejaculations worth of tissues. Alright, so who's the *most* brutal? Obviously the villain of the whole series, right? I select Dr. Eggman himself and take the challenge.

It took me five tries to beat this bitch with Eggman, he's so slow. It made me want to see her die this time, out of pure salt-induced rage. Dr. Eggman did not fucking disappoint me.

He steps forward and claps his hands twice, and suddenly an army of Egg Pawns is standing behind them. The screen fades to black and suddenly we see Wave drowning in a sea of orange and chrome. Eggman is testing his new model of dildo on her, using them as strap-ons for each egg pawn. 

Of course, the pawns don't know how to let her breathe, so by the end of the experiment, Wave is left on the ground, twitching and insensate. She's still alive though, and just before I thought she'd finally make it out of one still breathing, in steps Eggman himself, and he crushes her broken body with the weight of his egg-mobile. The screen fades out on Wave's dead, blank forward stare as Eggman makes his signature "Ohh ho ho ho ho!" laugh.

Maybe a character not in the list will keep her alive. When I picked NiGHTS, I went in fully expecting they wouldn't have programmed every single character a cutscene for this challenge. I need to stop expecting things, because once again I'm wrong.

In this iteration, NiGHTS floats up to Wave, who backs up towards her corner like she always does. But before she can fully get there, NiGHTS does a precise paraloop, a skill that creates a dimensional portal, around her head. Her neck is immediately severed and her head rolls forward while her body stumbles and falls backwards. NiGHTS is once again standing there watching, but not masturbating. It was never clear what gender they were...

Okay, so every character has an animation. What about the newest additions to the franchise? Sally Acorn. She doesn't really fight, right? She usually just gets rescued. But knowing this game...

...Yet again, it proves me wrong.

Princess Sally Acorn dove in and tackled Wave the Swallow to the ground. She sat atop the quaking bird and rubbed her pussy against Wave's beak. Wave tried to speak, tried to beg for forgiveness, but Sally wrapped Wave's head in her thighs in a reverse leglock.

From this point on, the camera went into split screen. One angle was from Sally's point of view, and the other captured Sally's butt and Wave's legs. Wave began violently kicking, her gagging and choking sounds filling the room. She tried to push Sally off, but the squirrel girl's legs were wrapped much too tightly. The struggles slowed at an exponential rate. A few seconds later, Wave passed out from asphyxiation, and Sally made a visibly disappointed groan. This was signalled by a stream of urine flowing from her on the other side of the screen. Sally shuffled atop the unconscious bird, and then twisted her hips incredibly quickly. A loud snap echoed off the room the cutscene took place in. Wave spasms once, the stream turning into a spray, and then relaxes while the last of her bodily fluids release themselves. Sally begins grinding on Wave's face as the screen fades to black.

I've begun to lose all hope in the characters from this franchise. Maybe the fan-addition to the game will have better luck. Scourge the Demonhog or whatever he is in the Archie Comics. His fur is a sickly green color, and he was my next choice.

Scourge was another easy victory. He had all the same moves Sonic did for some reason... almost like a reskin. I chalk that up to need for processing power or time constraints. Anyways, his cutscene was a little different. Instead of a spin dash, Scourge uses Chaos Control to freeze time. He then proceeds to beat Wave with every tool in the garage, before releasing the freeze on time and watching as one by one, she reacts to each and every hit. If she was hit with a wrench, she'd twist in that direction, if she was hit with a drill, she'd get pushed backwards... after all was said and done, Wave the Swallow died before she could even react to some of the hits, Scourge just looking on and jerking off while he puffed a cigar looking cool. Wave was left on the ground a bloody pulp, and the camera zooms in on her glassy-eyed face as Scourge steps forward and squirts ropes of jizz onto her still expression.

...Okay then. What's knuckles gonna do...? He's another violent character I tried out. By now I was getting used to the power type, especially considering Knuckles was the easiest to use out of all of them. I managed to win on my first try again! For my efforts, I was greeted with this:

Knuckles' theme plays the cutscene in, and he steps forward. He jumps over her entirely and punches her in the back, breaking her spine in a single blow. The bird crumpled to the floor, paralyzed. Her efforts to move met only with weak twitches and occasional slides forward of about an inch. Knuckles then stands over the defeated girl and punches a hole through her chest and the floor below it, showing off his awesome power. Wave contorts backwards and falls flat on her face, dead. When Knuckles pulls his hand back, her still, somewhat mashed up heart is removed from her body with it, and a pool of blood forms underneath Wave's corpse.

I think the last one I've got for today is E-123 Omega. He was fun to play with, because he didn't need to use Extreme Gear. He kinda was one. Anyways...

After beating Wave, the robot steps forwards, making whirring noises. He stands offscreen, while Wave backs into her corner as she always would. Transforming sounds can be heard, like machines and gears rotting and locking into place, followed by the cocking of guns. Wave gasps and is immediately pelted with hot lead from Omega's dual machine guns. The light from the gunpowder going off briefly illuminates the room, and I caught an easter egg: in the corner, there was the gravity ring from Sonic Riders: Zero Gravity on the table. Wave's clothes are shredded and she falls to the floor, but Omega doesn't stop shooting. He even reloads just so he can keep shooting bullets into the dead bird. The camera fades to black with Omega reaching down, picking Wave up, and pushing his gun into her dripping wet pussy, firing several rounds and making her twitch and dance over top of it.

...Man, there's too many characters in this game. The last one I did so far was Blaze the Cat. I already thought I knew how this one goes. For the first time, I guessed right.

Blaze takes a rod of metal and begins heating it up in her paws using her fire powers. She makes a brand out of it and pokes Wave in the thigh with it, searing her flesh. Wave screams and falls over clutching her leg, ass raised in the air as she tries to crawl away. Blaze takes the opportunity and shoves the long rod deep inside Wave's ass, and the sounds of sizzling flesh can be heard on camera. 

The rod was glowing red when it entered Wave's body, and it was melting her insides into soup. Blaze keeps pushing until the other end melts through her throat and appears out of her beak, but by then she's just limply hanging off it anyways. Blaze giggles and drops the rod, laying over Wave's body and leaning atop her. She kisses Wave's tear-stained cheeks and then snuggles with the bird, setting the whole garage on fire with the heat of her curse.

There's still a few more characters I haven't touched yet, but you get how this works. I'll talk to you later if I find any glitches with this. See you.