That’s Showbiz, Baby!
\tI had done the walk to the conference room a hundred times before: go through the entrance, talk to either Randall or Jennifer at the front desk, go into the elevator to the fifth floor, turn right and go down the hallway to the waiting room. The whole process takes about five or ten minutes, and my tenure here makes the waiting room a formality. I don’t wait to get seen; they wait for me to arrive. This time was different, though.
\tJennifer didn’t smile the same when she saw me. A mixture of sternness and intrigue overtook her face as I approached and her kind words were replaced by a nod and a point towards the elevator doors. The elevator was now a paradox. I was taken up towards the fifth floor via a descent into hell. The hallway towards the waiting room felt like an eternity and worst of all, I waited in the waiting room. I was there for five minutes, but that would not have happened a month ago.
\tBefore long, I was in conference room 3, the same room where I pitched American Dragon: Jake Long and Lemonade Mouth and proposed the rough draft for what would eventually become Disney XD. Television production is more art than science, but I was Van Gogh … or, at least, I thought I was. Then those stupid dogs …
\t“Usually, I’m excited to have you here,” I heard from the other end of the table. “I have to admit, the situation we’ve found ourselves in is a difficult one.” The boss always spoke in a fake, friendly tone. Even when chopping heads and rejecting pilots, he made it sound like he was doing you a favor. We always joke that if Satan worked at television, he’d work at Disney Channel, but because he doesn’t, we have our boss as the next best thing.
\t“I’ve been in the game ever since Miley Cyrus wore a wig to work. This is my first mistake I’ve ever made, boss. I’m sure it’ll-“
\t“It’s a big mistake. I’m going to be doing damage control for the next few years because of this. NDA’s can only do so much; we had a whole crew there. What if the furries hear about this?!”
\tIt’s weird when an idea that got you called a “genius” has become the reason why your job is on the line. It all seemed like the perfect recipe: a well-trained dog from a movie that no one remembers, a moody dog from a recent property that we still have under contract but had no idea what to do with and a tiny arctic wolf who is just so excited to be on set. Mix some properties together, use assets we still have ownership over and make a show that kids would watch and that adults might feel nostalgia over. They called me a genius and greenlit a pilot and asked for a photoshoot as a proof-of-concept. What could go wrong?
\t“I did everything the right way. They’re animals! You can’t control nature.”
\tThe boss let out a long sigh. “Walk me through what happened.”
\tThe animals spent the night together the night before. Three different handlers from the three different canines agreed that they should be introduced to each other prior to the shoot so that no one of them gets anxious meeting a new animal on the shoot day. From what I had heard they got along and played all through the night. The first one to the set was Raaf, a small arctic wolf who was always shy, but did look more preoccupied than normal. I assumed it was due to a lack of sleep the night before. What kind of a wolf has bags under his eyes? Then Dante showed up. Dante was usually the shyest one in the room, but this time he looked different. He looked kind of smug. I didn’t know a dog could look smug.
\tThe two dogs sat next to each other while we waited for the last one to arrive. Raaf couldn’t even look at Dante, but that didn’t stop Dante from getting really close to the wolf. Raaf looked down at the floor, but his tail wagged the entire time, so he must have been good, right? Dante just sat next to him and licked his ears and nudged him with his nose. Seeing them together like that made me excited about the show. They were adorable together! The plushie sales were going to single-handedly pay for my new car.
\tThen, fashionably late, Bolt showed up. He walked into the room already excited but changed when he saw the other two. His fast-paced gait turned into a sultry saunter, and he walked past the other two, even letting his tail drag under Raaf’s chin. I made a look at his handler who shrugged, she looked just as confused as I was. Bolt’s head was held high with an even more smug look on his face. I was starting to get the feeling that he might have been the ringleader of the group.
\t“Time is money” is a popular phrase and the truth is that it couldn’t be more accurate. Even a photo shoot can balloon into an expensive ordeal without the proper time management. Per hour I need to pay the handlers, the camera crew, the director and any miscellaneous staff. Higher end talent usually have a clause in their contract that anything over the proposed timeframe would be paid via an overtime rate, this being in Bolt’s, Dante’s, and the director’s contracts. No matter what: the show must go on and we can always fix it in post.
\t“Alright, handlers! Let’s get the talent ready for the first shoot. The show is about a young, upcoming star, Raaf, learning about how to deal with living with two big Disney stars, Bolt and Dante. For this shot, let’s get Raaf in the middle with Bolt and Dante standing to the side. We’re looking for a ‘look what I’m dealing with’ kind of shot here.”
\tThat’s when we saw the first warning sign that things were going to not go as planned. The handlers moved the talent to the shot, but then all made worried eye contact with each other before looking toward me for direction. “They’re all fully erect,” said Raaf handler.
\tThis actually wasn’t too big of an issue. If you work with animals long enough, you get the name of people who specialize in digitally removing animal genitalia from scenes. Animals get hard a lot when they work with other animals, so we just needed to keep them distracted. “Get it in post,” I said to the director. “We’re taking pictures. Easy to edit out. Time is Money.”
\tThe handlers moved the canines to their positions and the first few pics actually came out well, save for the two giant dicks and the one tiny one. After a few shots, however, we noticed Dante and Bolt kept standing up and backing up into Raaf, making the poor wolf flustered. Whenever one handler would fix the positioning of one dog, the other dog would back up more. After a while, Raaf’s eyes rolled back into his head as he got long whiffs of dog musk, making his little dick twitch the entire time.
\t“Guys, can we do something, please,” spouted the director eventually.
\tOne of the handlers strongly suggested taking a break, but I confidently … and foolishly answered, “Time is money.”
\tThe director and the cameraman spot briefly about the next shot before reluctantly giving the orders. “This next one is going to be for banner ads. We’re going to need … let’s get a totem shot. Something we can put by the sides of webpages and videos. Raaf on the bottom, Dante in the middle and Bolt on top.”
\tThe handlers knew that stacking horny animals on top of one another was a bad idea, but could only shoot a worried look before I chime: “Time is money.”
\tRaaf laid on his belly on the floor. No longer was his tail wagging, and whatever excitement he had left was now pure worry. Dante walked behind Raaf and stopped, studying his behind the way a golfer studies a golf ball before putting. Then, with a smoothness that I envy (knowing what I know now) he slid on top of the small wolf. Immediately, Raaf’s head cocked and his mouth opened, letting out a small whimper.
\t“What now?” I asked.
\t“I don’t know,” said the director. “Handlers, could you check on the dogs?”
\tRaaf and Dante’s handlers grouped behind the two slowly to see what the commotion was. “There …” one started. “There seems to be some …uh, insertion.”
\t“Excuse me?” the director and I said in unison.
\t“We may need to take a break. It’s completely … in there.” By this time, Raaf had been in use long enough that it seemed like Dante was almost finished. Motions started and then became more intense, Raaf’s front paws became splayed out and his tongue produced a puddle of drool and Bolt had taken a position on top of it all and looked into the camera with a smirk.
\t“Camera!” I yelled. “Pretend you don’t know what’s going on. How does the shot look?”
\t“Uh, two of them look fine, but the bottom one looks like he’s in another world.”
\t“If we paste a head over his in post?”
\t“You can’t be serious.”
\t“Time is money! Just line the shot up, throw these guys in a room to work out their energy and let’s get out of here. I think this is all we’re going to do today.”
\t
\t“Whoo! We did it! There’s no way in hell they’re going to greenlight that stupid show now!” said the black dalmatian, still stuck to the smaller wolf.
\t“I told you,” said the white German Shepherd. “By the way, great job Raaf. You looked really nervous out there, but I’m proud of you.”
\t“Dante, can you crouch or something? I’m in enough pain as is.” The white wolf was significantly smaller than Dante, so being stuck with his knot in his ass left his hind legs in the air. “Also, I was really looking forward to being in a show with you guys.”
\t“Trust me, Raaf. Showbiz is not what it’s cracked up to be,” said Dante as he laid down on his belly, letting Raaf’s paws touch the floor once more. “I mean, you seem nice and all, but it’s a lot of stress and Disney works us like dogs.”
\tBolt saw the disappointed look on Raaf’s face and calmed him with I lick to the forehead and some reassuring words. “There’s always a chance that this doesn’t work. In that case, we can do this every day. Disney’s editors will need to cut hours and hours of hot, gay animal sex from their footage. It’s a win-win situation.”
\tRaaf held the same expression, resulting in Bolt and Dante exchanging glances. “You know,” continued Bolt. “I’m starting to get a little jealous of my Dalmatian friend here. What do you say, pup? Got room for one more.”
\t“I don’t know, dude. I don’t think my butt could take anymore without me being torn in half. You guys are both well hung.”
\t“Then how about a war on both fronts?” said Bolt and he stepped over Raaf’s body, positioning his sheath right against the wolf’s nose.
\tRaaf took a big whiff of the star’s sheath, letting the smell of cock musk, expensive perfume and a small amount of piss fill his nostrils. He licked the tip of the sheath and slowly slid his tongue in, feeling the dog’s member. He gave a few small suckles before feeling the heavy weight of Bolt’s paw press on the top of his head. With his head pressed down and Bolt pushing his member up, it wasn’t long before the sound of gagging filled the room the three were left in. Once Dante felt excited enough, even he joined in, his large, hard dick already in place. By the end of the shoot, Raaf was left leaking from both ends.
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