My Little Pony:  Equestria Fail

By

RDK

CHAPTER 0: OH, IT'S THE PROLOGUE

It's been a week since for some reason fans can get over it, Twilight Sparkle grew wings and was named a Princess.  The rest of the ponies representing the 5 other elements were indifferent about it, or at least just tried to cop with the fact that they knew this was coming anyway.  They sure had a hard time standing how much Twilight complained about having wings and wanting them to obey her enough so she could at least sleep without having what fans call a wingboner.  For some reason every time she tried to relax said wings would just erect stiff, no clue as to why. Well, no reason trying to explain, what was getting to her was that she was trying so hard into wanting to fly, but every time she tried she would crash and even burn, much to the amazement of any pegasus who remembered their time practicing their first flight when young.  Rainbow Dash was chosen to help her into showing her to how fly, being the fastest and most aerodynamic of the entire group.  Nevermind that Scootaloo would need her more than a full grown mare who just sprouts wings, Dash was the element of Loyalty so it made sense she would help Twilight instead.  There was just one thing that nagged the rainbow-maned pegasus and on which would decide to ask the purple alicorn just as they all dropped off the train however.

"Twilight?"

"Yes Rainbow?"

"Correct me if I am wrong, but you say you are yet to fully fly as an adult pegasus being you just got your wings right?"

"Yes, that is correct Dash, I chose right when I asked you to help me, I can't even flutter even if my life depended on it"  Said Twilight, a small chuckle along with her words as they all clop clop clop over to the Crystal Kingdom.

"Well, I am wondering how is it that you need help and can't seem to fly right if the last time I saw you in your coronation you did pretty good while telling us all things were going to be just fine. Hay, I even saw you making a barrel roll* before going through the 4th wall as the credits rolled in the last season, what's up with that?  Twilight?  Twi?"

Rainbow Dash looked around her as she all of the sudden was left talking to herself.  She spotted Twilight and Rarity talking to each other as the alicorn pointed to her saddlebags.  Dash sighed and shrugged, maybe it was one of those things Megan MacCarthy would have to explain to her instead.  Now there was another problem bugging Rainbow Dash as she pondered this.

"Who the hay is Megan McCarthy?"  said she, fluttering back to the rest of the group. 

*- Oh you seriously want me to explain this reference?  Fine, Starfox.  There.

***

They all neared the throne chamber where Princess Cadence sat in her royal throne in all her royal presence.  Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were beside her, all smiling as the group approached.  Twilight Sparkle cantered to them first, and started doing that jovial chant she and Cadence would do when they were young.  Before she could go any further however, Cadence was waving a hoof over her neck to cut such things as she saw the crystal royal guard blinking at the purple mare going on about shaking her rump in the air.  Twilight immediately turned swiftly ending the endeavor, blushing as she saw a guard orange in color smiling at her.  She felt she would have to explain to him specifically why she did hat, even though she didn't know why since she never ever met him before.  At least, she thought so, it is said that many background characters all look alike after all.  At the whoosh whoosh sound of the crystal heart Twilight approached more gracefully, as she noted Luna covering her face with her royal lunar hoof.  

Why is she embarrassed, she wasn't even around when Cadence and I greeted as this. I may have to ask her sometime.  Maybe she can tell me if the moon is made of cheese while at it.  Cheese.  I am getting hungry.  I wonder if we will eat sometime soon.  Oh, I better not think of food, if my belly rumbled while in the presence of all three princesses it would be an embarrassment.  Wait, I think I already embarrassed myself a second ago. But I think if I embarrass myself again it would be even worse.  Wait, what was it that I was going to talk to Cadence about again?  Oh right, cheese.  I love cheese.  I am getting hungry-

"TWILIGHT!"

"Huh wha?"

Princess Cadence sighed slowly and smiled at her.  "You know we don't have much until the rest of the story unfolds.  I wish we could show all happy ponies but fans want their High School story rolling already.  Anyway, how was the trip?"

"Oh it was long boring and filled with nothing but snow most of the way as usual!"  Twilight said as she sat in front of Cadence.  "I see you got the Crystal Heart going again, must have been lot of work putting it back together after Sombra's defeat."

"Tell me about it,"  Said Cadence with yet another sigh, this time of a painful memory including krazy glue and every single resident of the kingdom looking for every and each single shard of the heart she accidentally poked as she was thrown by Shining Armor who meant her to grab it, not shatter it.  

"So many countless nights without sleep...anywho you should all be hungry for such a long trip, so why don't you all freshen up for tonight's feast?"

"OOh, neat, being that it was over 5 days in a train without even a stop to eat anything, I hope we are treated to something special!"

"You bet Twilight.  After all, it’s Thursday night."

"You mean..."

"Yes Twilight,” Said Cadence with a glitter in her eye "TACO NIGHT!"

They all cheered while Luna had a frown on her face.  Celestia noted this as she always is noting something when she is not noting anything else, asked her what was wrong this time around.

"Well sister, you know how delicate our digestive system is, and we are afraid we did not carry the pink liquid you all have created recently to calm our warlike bowels."

***

Later that night, while everyone was asleep after such a grand feast of tacos of different types and even ones no one ever heard of, no one realized something amiss, namely that no one even bothered to ask about Shining Armor for instance.  But being that it makes no difference at the moment, Twilight Sparkle tossed and turned in bed, trying to get an ounce of sleep as she was being bothered.  Spike rubbed his eyes, getting up and looking at her hoping that he could do anything so he at least could sleep the hundreds of tacos he digested tonight.

"Wings giving you trouble again huh?"

"Not wings...Luna's moans which are coming through the wall.  Of all the rooms I could be given I was to be next to hers.  Why no pony ever said anything about her digestive system, it only makes sense that she hasn't ever eaten anything modern for the last thousand years...ugh, there goes the toilet flushing again!"

"You know, maybe you shouldn't say anything about a pony who doesn't even sleep at night...she might hear you."

"At this rate I don't care!  I hope she quiets down before-"

-At this they heard the door of their chamber click open.  Oh crap Twilight thought as she covered herself with blankets, Luna has heard her she assumed, waving at Spike to go back to sleep before the night princess would start giving them both nightmares, she quickly pretended to sleep as she desperately tried for the last three hours or so.  She heard the sound of hooves getting close, silent, and slow, as if they were hesitant to grow near her.  For a few moments noting was heard, then Twilight dared take a peek under the covers and saw not an angry Alicorn staring at her, but a pony covered in a hood as she was doing away with her crown.  Twilight jumped out of bed and right on her face as she landed on the floor, but immediately recovered herself as she pointed her arm at the thief.

"OBJECTION!"*

The figure turned looking at her with a question mark appearing on her head.  Twilight shook her head and pointed at her again.

"THIEF!"

At this moment, said thief nodded in approval and began galloping away with said crown, on which Twilight persecuted, bringing Spike along by his tail.  With yelps of protests, the baby dragon flailed helplessly as they both chased the robed figure all around the hallway, waking everyone...well most up and coming out confused at the turmoil in progress.  After some scenes of intense chasing, Twilight tackled the robber, both rolling on the floor as the crown was ejected and bounced right into a mirror.  The rest of the group gasped as they closed their eyes...seven years of bad luck would be very bad at this moment, but then opened them seeing that there was no crash of glass, and said crown was not visible anymore.  A ripple on the mirror was all that was left of said item, to which the thief smiled and teleported out of Twilight's comfortable arms and next to said mirror.  With a smirk on her face, the unicorn standing next to the mirror made a loser sign at them and jumped into said mirror as well, disappearing into it.  Another gasp from the rest was heard and this time, it echoed through the hallway...just how a pony was able to make a loser sign with a hoof anyway?  They all stared back as Princess Luna came along, levitating a glass filled with water making a fizzy sound and looking as if she has gone through war herself in a far away land.  The Lunar princess drank the contents in the glass and stared back at the group.

"Have we missed anything?" said she, as miserably as she felt moments before she belched.

*- Phoenix Wright if you ever owned a Nintendo DS at all in your life.