Part 1
The professor’s lecture is impossible to focus on. I know I need to and I’m putting all my attention onto the words, but it's like trying to find meaning in pink noise. Despite looking directly at the weasel, all I can see is the white wolf next to me, within my peripheral vision.


Mathias is too beautiful for his own good, or rather my own good. The only visible fur that isn’t white is on his black ears, perked to listen like I should be doing. He’s holding his muzzle in one paw while his blue eyes follow the professor. Occasionally glancing down to the desk to scribble some notes.


Nothing riveting by itself, but with a little substitution, I become enthralled. Instead of watching the professor, Mathias is watching me–naked or getting there–advancing on him. And instead of scribbling notes, he’s waving his massive cock at me.


I realize I’m staring at the wolf now. He doesn’t seem to notice or is pretending not to. Can I keep staring? Bad idea. I look back at the professor. I can’t even hear the pink noise anymore. It’s drowned out even further by the discomfort in my pants. I reach down and adjust myself as discreetly as possible. My knot isn’t out yet so if I can just take my mind off Mathias and his co… Nope, not going to happen.


“I just remembered something,” I say as I shoot out of my seat. “Gotta go.”


“Still coming over tomorrow? I can tell you what you missed,” Mathias says, not breaking his attention from the lecture.


“Yeah. Thanks.” I half run out of the row of desks and up the stairs passing more rows, mostly empty. Still I’m regretting not bringing anything besides my phone. They would help hide my obvious erection. Nobody is acknowledging me yet relief floods through me as I get out the door and into the hallway.


Calculus is my last class on Fridays so I’m free the rest of the day. Right now all I want to do is get to my dorm and solve my little problem. Unfortunately, it’s at the other end of campus. Not a problem usually as I like the walk. This time I can’t appreciate the trees losing their leaves in an array of color, or the architecture of the buildings and stone pathway that I’m walking on. Nor can I guess the conversation and relationship of passerbys through the snippets I can hear and their body language. Something I would usually do.


All I can do is make sure my stride isn’t too uncomfortable while going as fast as I can. My erection softens a little, so when I make it to the dormitory, I use my increased mobility to rush through the door and up the stairs. Getting curious glances the entire way until I find my door and enter it. The room is small. A bed along one wall, a desk on the opposite, and a window between them.


My lithe fox frame isn’t my preference. Neither is gray my favorite color despite comprising most of my fur. However, revealing the orange splotches on my thighs is fun even if it’s only for myself. My retreating member grows stiff again as I lay down and fantasize about Mathias. He’s looking down at me with a smirk that says “Can you take it all?” It being the eleven inches of wolf cock, which my throat can, in fact, take (besides the knot. I eagerly get on my knees to prove it. His wolfhood similar in shape and having the same red color as my own, but so much thicker.


As I stroke myself to the fantasy, the pleasure breaks my concentration and the visuals disappear. I stop my paw and imagine his member forcing its way down my throat. Again it disappears as my paw moves. Is it this hard to visualize while jerking off? I thought that it’s something anyone can do. Why can’t I? It’s never something I’ve had a reason to do. If I want someone, I ask, and while I wouldn’t say I’m irresistible, I've yet to hear a “no.”


With Mathias I can’t ask. He’s already taken and the idea of making him cheat or break up with Sienna is abhorrent. The only thing I can do is somehow convince them to open their relationship, but I don’t know how I would do that, or if Mathias is into me. I don’t think it would be something Mathias would want anyway; he seems happy with her.


I need to do something. After meeting Mathias last semester, and discovering we work well together and have the same major, we synced our schedules. I was attracted to him back then and thought it would simmer, not boil over. Now my grades are slipping and, if that continues, my parents are going to force me to go to one of their colleges. Then I’ll likely be on the other side of the country, never seeing Mathias again.


I can’t find a satisfying sexual release anymore which means that, even without the wolf around, my head isn’t clear. He’s ruined any other guy for me somehow. I can get off with them, but that warm contented feeling afterwards is absent and without that I get awkward. It’s like I only want a white wolf. The problem is that he’s the only one in existence. Wolves are plentiful around here and white furs are too, but not white wolves. Even online I can’t find any good gay porn of them. The videographic stuff is always terrible, and I don’t look at porn much so I only have one artist I like.


Arya, another student here that isn’t afraid to talk about her side hustle, and once I saw her work I knew why. She’s good at showing sex all cute and affectionate and wholesome. The one disappointment is that all she draws are bears, especially polar bears since she is one. I wonder if I could get her to draw a white wolf. I definitely could. She’s broke while I’m more fortunate and besides that she’s got the hots for me. I could get her to draw anything I want. Even…no that’s a little much isn’t it? Any white wolf should do, it doesn’t need to be Mathias specifically. Although, why couldn’t it be? It’s not like I’m harming him in any way and it would be more enjoyable. I could even be in there.


I find my phone on the floor near where I threw my pants and shoot Arya a message to see if she’s home. I get instant confirmation. I jump out of bed and pull on loose sweatpants instead of the jeans, and the same shirt that’s on the floor.


It’s a co-ed dorm so I find her door on the floor below mine and knock. “It’s open.” I enter a room identical to my own with a drawing tablet on her desk instead of the textbooks on mine. “What’s up, Ellis?” Arya is lying in bed twiddling on her phone.


“I was wondering if…” In my head, it’s easy, just ask her. Saying the words and explaining, however, is quite embarrassing.


The polar bear looks away from her phone and to my eyes as I trail off. “Wondering what?”


“If you could draw something for me.” I can’t meet her eyes at all. I’ve never been like this asking for sex, so why is asking for porn so difficult?


“Ooooh. I’ve never seen you shy.” She gets out of bed and saunters over to me. “You’re lucky. I’m between commissions at the moment.”


“So you’ll do it?” I ask, still looking to the floor.


“Of course.” My eyes come up to hers. She’s small for a polar bear, but still bigger than me. “I’ll even give you a discount.”


“No need. I’ve got plenty of money.”


“Your parents have plenty of money. And it feels weird not to give you one. We’re good friends aren’t we?” She’s the only one I trust with this so she deserves all the money I can give. However, it feels weird to say that so I try to think of a different argument for why she shouldn’t give me a discount. Before I can she continues, “So give me details.”


“Um, this is the part that I’m embarrassed about.”


“I’m sure I’ve been asked weirder.” The bear puts a paw on my elbow, when my eyes start to wander away from her again.


“I want it to be of me and Mathias.”


“That's the cute white wolf that you’ve been crushing on? That’s dating Sienna?”


I nod. “It’s a little weird, but I can’t, um, enjoy him otherwise.”


“It’s a little weird to draw real people, but I don’t really know him. Well, I kinda know Sienna so I’ve seen him with her, but that’s it.” Arya’s other paw mirrors the first on my other elbow and they both travel down to my wrists. “Got something specific in mind?”


This is the thing I’ve rehearsed on the run here so it tumbles out of me. “We’re both lying on a bed and he’s on top of me with a smirk, but, like, a loving one. I’ve got my eyes closed and like lost because we’re jerking each other off. My cock is already really wet and I’m close while he isn’t at all. And he’s trying to twine his tail with mine, but I’m not noticing.”


She shakes her head. “Lucky again that I’m able to follow all that. You got a picture of him?”


Pulling out my phone is a nice excuse to break contact with her even if I don’t need to look for photos. “Yeah, he’s wearing clothes though.”


She chuckles a little. “I figured. Otherwise what would you need me for? I can fill in the blanks as for…”


“Oh about that,” I interrupt. “Can you make him really big? Like I can’t even get my paw around him and he’s double my length. Oh and his knot is bigger than my arm.”


“Yeah that’s easy. As for you, wanna show me?” I look back at my phone, but I don’t have any good photos of myself. “You’re right here, Ellis. Take your clothes off and show me what you got.”


“Okay.” I don’t want to and procrastinate it by walking past her to put my phone on her desk.


“I know you would have stripped before I could finish asking if I were male.” The polar bear puts a paw to her heart. “I’m hurt.”


I start untying my waistband then change my mind and take my shirt off first. Arya is watching with a familiar look in her eyes from other times I’ve undressed with someone watching. I pull my pants down and stop before revealing my sheath. “Really putting on a show for me,” Arya says.


I throw them the rest of the way off and resist the urge to cover myself with my paws. “There. Can I put my clothes back on now?”


“You want me to get your fur pattern correct, right?” Arya grabs her phone off her bed. “I need to take a few pictures. My memory isn’t that good.”


“It’s mostly gray,” I argue.


“Mostly.” There is a lot of white on my stomach. “Put your arms out, palms facing me.” I comply and she takes a few pictures and this continues. “Show me your side. Back. Other side.”


I face her again and put my arms down. “Got everything you need?”


“Almost.” Arya puts her phone down and sashays to me then trails a paw up my thigh.


I step back and hit the wall before I get out of her reach. “I’m…”


“Very gay. Yes, yes. My muzzle will feel the same.” Her paw reaches my sheath. “And it would help if I see this.”


“I’ll…” She begins to brush through the fur sending tingles along it, but not making it respond. Even without looking at her, her scent is all wrong. “I’ll send you a picture.”


“Stab me through the heart, why dontcha?” The bear backs off. “I should have done it in two weeks. Or, no, probably longer. Don’t look at me like that. I still have class to go to.”


I retrieve my phone, get dressed, then find the door. “Alright. I’mma go now.” She nods and I keep my eyes on her as I back out of the door.


*


I wake the next morning with my phone still in my paw. I forgot to set an alarm so I have less time than I usually would. Still, I don’t rush out the door. Or hurry my steps down the stairs, out of the dormitory, across and out of campus, and to the empty street. People don’t have much reason to be out at six on a Saturday morning.


The narrow street is dimly lit by the still-rising sun behind me. I can only see color on one side of the interspersed houses the sun is hitting. The same color never repeats more than once. Besides that they are all the typical two-story houses in suburbia. Despite their plainness, I find myself staring at them more than I would usually. Especially the blue house that I cross the street to approach. The white trims on the roof and overhang of the porch are quite interesting. You would think they would go with a darker color to compliment how light the blue is.


Instead of walking right in–Mathias leaves the door unlocked since I’m here so often–I examine the pattern on the wooden door. The indentation in the middle and the spirals in the corners aren’t actually as fascinating as I pretend they are. It distracts me from the weirdness of commissioning an erotic drawing of someone and studying with them like nothing happened.


My phone buzzes in my pocket, probably Mathias wondering where I am. I left late and have been standing here for a few minutes. Deciding that isn’t helping, I open the door and enter a hallway. The walls are the same blue and bare. Even as I move down it and turn there’s only blue. It only breaks at the end where Mathias’ room is with the door open.


His walls are painted black (he says it's dark purple) and above his bed there is one poster visible from the hallway. Some foreign movie or show. As I get closer, I can see more of them. The languages on them are varied; there’s no way he can read all that so I never understood what the point of them is.


Once I get into the room, the white wolf is at his much bigger desk in the corner of the room. He doesn’t notice me walking in and still doesn’t when I sit in the chair next to him. He’s engrossed in what looks like finding an integral of something.


“Hey,” I say as I set my bookbag on the desk next to his paper.


He jumps a bit, then returns to writing. “Hey. Sorry I started without you. Figured I could get the easy stuff done.”


I laugh. “I don’t get how calculus comes so easily to you.”


“Well, good news,” the wolf says with a smile and those cute, black ears turning to me as much as they can while he continues his math problem. “We have more time for you to figure it out.”


I tilt my head at him. “What do you mean?”


“I broke up with Sienna,” he answers like he’s talking about what great weather we’re having.


“Oh, what um,” I am caught between feeling sad for my friend, happy that he’s available now, and confused why he’s acting like that, “happened? I thought you two were really happy together.”


“Nothing really happened, just neither of us were feeling it anymore.” Mathias finishes what he’s working on, putting down his pencil and looking at me. “You should have seen us in high school. We were the definition of hopelessly in love, not lunch dates a couple times a week.”


“Still are you okay?” I put a paw on his shoulder and convince myself it’s to comfort him not for any other reason.


The wolf places his paw over mine. “I’m fine. I lost what I had with her a long time ago.”


He’s smiling still. It doesn’t look forced, but it has to be. “Let’s focus on studying to keep your mind off of it.”


We spend all morning at that desk. The concern for Mathias does something that I haven’t been able to: bury my lust for him. And with that done I’m as productive with him as I was before I became obsessed. Hopefully, it make up for my lack of focus in class.


We only stop because his parents are supposed to be home soon. For whatever reason he insists that I’m never there when they are. A guy wanting to be alone with me is exciting, but he doesn’t do it for anything fun so it’s strange. On some days, when his parents aren’t working, he goes as far as cramming into my dorm or going to the library instead.


So I stroll down the narrow street again, thankful that the sun is above me so it doesn’t blind me. I don’t want to go home and spend the day in bed or finishing whatever schoolwork I still need to do. Especially since Arya tends to hang out at my dorm, talking while I do schoolwork. I usually don’t mind–we rarely have boring conversations–but after yesterday I’d rather avoid her.


Still, somebody to talk to would be nice. I’ve never been good at sorting my thoughts by myself, and I don’t have any experience with this dating thing. Scrolling through my contacts, I struggle to find anybody who could help. A lot of them would tell me to shut up and bend over. Well, I don’t know that for sure, but it's difficult to imagine doing anything else with them. The ones that wouldn't are old friends from high school (we said we’d keep in touch and then never did), Arya, Mathias, and my parents.


Fuck it. I dial Mom, more at random than because I think she’d be any more help than Dad. The first sound I hear after the ringing is sizzling. An ambient sound in my parent’s house (Mom has little to do besides cooking) that fills me with more nostalgia than I anticipated. I’ve always loved her cooking, yet I’ve never missed it. Now I find myself leaning against a peach tree on the edge of somebody’s lawn, imagining I’m smelling my mom grilling them.


“Ellis? What’s wrong, honey?” Her tone is distracted. She probably doesn’t even have a paw to hold the phone, instead holding it against her shoulder like she always does. I’ve shown her speakerphone exists, but she never uses it.


“Nothing just, um, boy trouble.” It feels weird to have those two words exit my lips instead of my parents’. They’ve always been overbearing, trying to figure out every detail of every day of my life. They do it out of love, I realize–especially when my correction that I wouldn’t have “girl trouble” only resulted in them asking about “boy trouble” instead–but it makes me want to open up less than I would have otherwise.


The response to the words is multi-layered, if a bit delayed. The sizzling stops, replaced briefly by footsteps, then she replies, “Somebody turn you down?”


“No, I haven’t even asked him.” I explain my relationship with Mathias and the events of today, leaving out the part about the porn.


“Tricky, are you even sure he’s into guys?” “He watches a lot of romance movies, and some of them are gay. So maybe? Kinda hard to ask him without asking the other thing.”


“Hmm, well, I’d say to give him a little time. Couple weeks, more if he expresses he’s distraught about the girl, but don’t just pine after him forever. If he really isn’t ready for another relationship yet, he’ll just tell you that and when he is, and if he’s interested, he’ll come back to you.”


I’ve never taken advice from Mom before, so I doubt it’s quality. “That’s it?”


“Unless you’ve got a mind-reading machine, the only one who knows when the best time to ask him out is him.”


I can’t find a flaw in her logic, though I don’t trust my own to find it. I choose to trust her anyway. “Thanks, Mom.”


*


In the following couple weeks, the only time my lust is unabated is when I’m not with Mathias. He seems to be fine, but my desire to comfort him regardless is stronger than my desire to fuck him. When I’m alone, however, my mind loves to fantasize about him. Yet still won’t visualize when I try to jack off to those fantasies.


Relief comes one day when I get a text from Arya. She doesn’t say why she wants me to come to her dorm, but I know.


“I laminated it for you in case your,” Arya pauses for dramatic effect as she spins around in her chair, showing me her artwork in her paws, “excitement gets on it.”


“Thanks,” I say as I approach her and she places the art in my paws.


“I emailed you a digital copy in case, but please be careful. The original is so much better.”


Original? What does that mean? My paws answer the question with another. Why is the paper so big? I look down and instead of a printed out digital art piece, I find an acrylic painting. “Holy shit! You can paint?”


She scoffs. “I’m an art student. Of course I can paint.”


It’s not in her usual cartoon style either. If I didn’t know better, I’d believe it is a photograph. “It’s…” Like you captured the beauty of Mathias and infused it into a painting. The main thing I wanted from this was to see his cock, however, the rest of the art distracts me from it. Mathias’s white fur is shimmering in the sunlight coming in from a window. His tail especially, to the point it looks like it's glowing as it lifts mine off the bed. His eyes are attempting to pierce my closed ones with the love I wish to see in them.


For the first time in my life, I’m forced to admit that I look good. To say otherwise would be disrespectful to the painting. And it seems that Arya knows exactly how I want to look instead. Mathias is blocking the light from the window, so my gray fur is almost black, my white is gray, and my orange is a dark orange.


“Earth to Ellis. Hello?” I look up to Arya and see that she’s gotten up and is now waving at me. “Get out of here already. It smells like you’re about to cum in your pants.” She looks down at the wet spot in my sweatpants. “Have you? I’m flattered.”


“No, but I…” I want to ramble about how much I love it, but I know she knows and I also want to express it in a different way. “I’mma go, now.”


I sprint back to my dorm; It’s late so nobody cares. I only slow down a little to make sure I don’t trip on the stairs and damage the painting. My clothes are gone the second I get privacy and I leap onto my bed. I try to hold the picture in my paw, but it’s unwieldy so I prop it against the wall on my bed.


This time my eyes go straight for Mathias’s cock. Even bigger than I requested. I have both my paws around it and they only meet on one side of the shaft. I animate them in my head clumsily sliding up to his glans. When my real one does the same to my own cock, my visualization falters as before. I still have the image in front of me so I don’t stop. My animations blink in and out, adding to the experience rather than being the experience themselves.


It feels like I’m lasting forever yet at the same time I know it’s only forty seconds or so before I’m spurting all over the bed. The first jet lands on the painting, and my writhing knocks it right under my foxhood that continues to ejaculate on it. It’s the first orgasm in a long time that I feel more than relief so I don’t notice until well after I come down.


*


The day after, Mathias and I study at his house again and this time it is more awkward. The vivid images of his naked form appear everytime I look at him, making me feel like I’ve peeped on him without his knowledge. So I don’t look at him, hunching over the desk and angling myself so that I can’t even see him in my peripheral vision.


“...so after that you take the number you got and you plug it into this formula which will…” Mathias pauses and I attempt to follow his instructions. “Ellis?”


“I’m listening.” I still don’t look at him


“Which formula am I talking about?” he asks.


“Um…” This is where I am struggling. There’s pages full of formulas and which one to use always confuses me.


“I was pointing at it, I am pointing.” I glance across the desk to look, but from my perspective, his paw is in the way. His paw that fits perfectly around my…I snap my eyes back to the paper in front of me. “You’ve barely looked at me all day. Is there something in my coat? Are you upset about something? Did I upset you?”


“No.”


“What then?” h


e responds immediately. Lying isn’t my strong suit so I choose silence. “It’s cool if you don’t want to talk about it, but we’re not getting anywhere like this. Let’s just call it quits for today.”


“No, I…” I turn to look at where he’s still pointing. “I’m fine.” Knowing what formula to use, I solve the problem on my paper then look up and smile at him. “See? Now let’s work on whatever you’re stuck on.”


My brain finally yields to my will when it's threatened with the loss of the wolf. When I look at him it's more of a background thought. I know it won’t stay that way forever so I need to act on it, directly. All I have to do is get all this schoolwork out of the way.


With the resolve of that decision, it’s only a couple hours later that he says, “Finally done.” He checks his phone on the desk. “And I got almost all day to find something to do.”


“You want to watch one of your movies together?” I ask, though I don’t actually want to watch the movie.


Mathias’s ears perk a little as he organizes his papers and puts them in his bag. “I thought you didn’t like ‘em?”


My stuff is already gathered so I’m watching him. “I’m willing to give it another chance.”


“Cool! We should have time to watch one.” Mathias gets up and beckons me to follow him out the door. “There’s one that just came out a couple weeks ago that I haven’t been up to watching.”


I’m not able to follow him closely in the hallway as his long tail is keeping me away with its swaying. “Do you think it’s going to be bad or something?” I ask.


“This director hasn’t made anything but masterpieces. It’s just that…” He stops walking briefly. “You’ll see.”


“Ominous.” The hallway opens up into a large living room. It’s as bare and blue as the hallway, though the amount of space makes it more jarring. The only furniture is a gigantic recliner chair and an entertainment center with a small TV. The singular place to sit is the reason I decide to bear another one of his movies instead of finding something else.


Mathias sets up the movie then sits on the floor, his tail swishing across it. I plop down on the chair and, before he can click play, say, “Let’s share the chair this time. It feels weird to have you all the way down there.” I have to angle my muzzle all the way down to meet his eyes.


“I’m fine here,” he says.


“Either you come up here or I go down there.”


“If you feel that strongly about it.” Despite his initial hesitancy, the wolf hops to his feet and runs to the other side of the chair. He slows down to sit onto the chair with one leg over mine, while the other bears most of his weight. “You like getting squished?”


“Better than I like getting a kink in my neck.” Our muzzles are level and it would be easy to close the small gap between them. I resist the urge by looking at the TV which prompts him to play the movie.


Soon enough, he lets his full weight onto my leg. It’s uncomfortable at first, but it isn’t too long until my body realizes that he’s pressing right next to my sheath. My cock eagerly tries to come out to press back. I jiggle a bit to move it on its other side so it doesn’t touch him, but it remains stubbornly in place. Having no other choice, I use my paw to do it. My jeans are tight and I already have a semi so it's a struggle. Mathias does not notice, eyes fixated on the screen.


I want to come onto Mathias, just not like that. It’d be better received if I start with…his paw resting on his leg that’s on mine. It’s not too strong, but still makes it obvious what my intentions are. Once my paw is over his, I feel it shaking. Is he cold? No, this is something he does when something is too much for him. He jerks his paw away from mine and over to his crotch. Is that rejection or reflex?


Before I can figure that out, I notice he’s crying. I can’t make a move while he’s crying, now can I? I follow his gaze to the screen. Right, we are watching a movie. I haven’t paid any attention, but it’s clearly a sad one. And a short one since the credits are already rolling.


Mathias’s eyes flick off the screen. He seems to then notice the tears on his face and wipe them away with the back of a paw. “Sorry,” he says and meets my eyes. “I knew this movie would do this to me. It was sort of foreshadowed in the other movies.”


“Oh, so this is a sequel,” I say.


“No, no. It’s sort of a spinoff. We see a little of these two in the other ones so we know it wouldn’t work out between them. Still I didn’t expect it to,” he twiddles his fingers on the armrest before continuing, “be so reminiscent.”


I’m not following anything he’s saying, but it sounds like he’s waiting to be prompted. “Of what?”


“Well what happened between them is almost exactly what happened between me and Sienna.” The wolf looks away and brings a paw to his face. “Desperately trying to feel the same as you used to, failing, and then realizing that you have to stop trying. Even though it hurts to accept that you will never feel the same love you did before.” He turns to me again, fur damp with wiped tears. “It’s like they wrote a movie specifically to make me cry.”


I forgot about Sienna. Here I am trying to get my dick wet with someone who needs anything but. Now what? Hug him? No, that's weird now with my earlier intentions. Comforting words then. “It’s good to get it out.”


“Yeah, I guess it is.” Mathias is still crying a little and taking deep breaths.


It starts to feel weird not to hug Mathias as I watch him cry. Especially since I can’t think of anything to say. Although, if he did move his paw away on purpose, would he think that I’m coming on to him again? “Wanna hug?”


The wolf nods and leans forward. I hold him gently until I feel him squeezing with what I think is all his strength then do the same.


*


Over the next month I get good at separating the Mathias I am friends with and the Mathias I jerk off to. At first I have some trouble if I use the painting near when I see him, but soon it seems like they are separate people. I’m not jerking off to him any more so I have nothing to feel weird about. It helps, in fact, to use it right before I see him since my lust is easier to control. The problem is that, while the painting remains to be beautiful, I'm not as satisfied with it as before.


That’s why I find myself in Arya’s dorm again, as embarrassed as before. “I said I want you to paint another one,” I say, shuffling my feet near the door.


Arya isn’t showing the same enthusiasm as before, not even putting her phone down or getting up from her bed. “I heard you. I just thought that since your wolf is single now, you would just go get a taste from the source.”


“I don’t want to exploit him while he’s hurting.”


“That’s BS. It’s been, what, two months?”


“About, but…” I answer and then I am cut off.


“And Sienna told me in class that it wasn’t a big deal for him,” Arya argues for some reason. What does it matter to her?


I straighten my posture. “Will you do it or not?”


“I don’t know. It feels weirder now since..”


“I can pay you more,” I interrupt, not wanting her to explain why it’s weird.


Arya finally pulls her phone from her face to glare at me. “That’s not fair.” She sighs. “Have you considered that you’re exploiting a broke college student instead of your wolf?’


“You’re being dramatic, Arya.”


“Fine, fine, but only if you promise me you’ll ask him out before it’s done.” The bear returns her attention to her phone. “Shoot your monologue at me.”


I pause before I figure out what she means. “So we’re in one of those big recliner chairs in living rooms made for you bears and there’s a TV playing in the background. I’m riding him and, like, he’s not currently all the way in me.” She starts to say something, but stops when I don’t. “And we’ve both got that look that you gave him in the last one. Oh and my fur is nice and dark like before as well.”


“Do you want his schlong as monstrous as before?” Her thumb-twiddling is faster than before, likely typing out what I said. “Because, if so, I think you would have to crouch onto it which would be incredibly awkward in a chair.”


“Hadn’t thought of that. It’d be awkward IRL, but do it anyway.”


*


Mom and Arya are right, I need to stop pining after Mathias. The plan is simple: get all the studying out of the way and ask him out; no subtle come-ons or anything like that. I completed all but a couple things so we only have to get through his stuff. And that goes swimmingly, he only ever needs things explained in a non-textbook sort of way.


When I hear the front door open, I jump out of my seat and, for a moment, am alarmed. Then I remember that he doesn’t live in this house alone. It’s his parents coming home early. Inconvenient, but not a big deal. I look to Mathias to confirm that I have nothing to worry about, however, I find alarm greater than my own: eyes wide, ears raised, and paws trembling.


“It’s just your parents, right?” I say with uncertainty; it can’t be with that reaction.


“My mom.” Mathias’ voice is resolute, belying his body language. He points to the window. “Jump out.”


“What?” It’s the ground floor, but still the drop wouldn’t be pleasant.


“Well I can’t hide you with how you smell.”


“Why would I hide? And what’s wrong with how I smell?”


“Male, vulpine, strong.” He lists them out like they’re negatives. “Out.”


Whoever is before me, he’s not the wolf I’ve come to know, and I don’t want to be around him. I dart to the window and throw it open. Approaching footsteps follow the noise, but I stillI take the time to look at the ground below. By the time my head’s back inside, the door flings open, slamming into the wall right next to the window I plan to exit through.


A paw grasps my arm, I turn, and at first all I see is her breasts then I flick my eyes upward to the muzzle glowering at Mathias. “Who’s your friend, dear?” she asks in a strained tone. “And why is he trying to go through the window?”


Mathias' paws are still now. “Just somebody who my professor asked me to help with his calculus. Didn’t want to, but I was promised extra credit.”


“I suppose I can’t fault you too much.” She lets go of my arm, wiping it off with her other paw. “Next time have them use the door. My lawn and all.”


She steps towards him, allowing me through the doorway. I’m out of the house in a flash. I’ve never been athletic, but I don’t stop running until the blue house is out of view. I walk the rest of the way, muscles continuing to scream at me even when I relax them on the bed. Screams they may be, they aren’t my focus.


Has Mathias always thought that? I don’t do anything to mask my natural scent, but it’s only older generations that care. The times my scent is talked about, it’s all positive. All those cases are by people I was having sex with, but still. So what’s up with Mathias? The thoughts race through my mind and soon it is as tired as the rest of my body.


I wake up with sore muscles and a clearer mind. It’s an act he put on for his mother, I tell myself. Although, if he’s that good at acting, everything could be an act. That’s ridiculous; he has no reason to do so. He’s probably already sent me an apology and explanation message.


I fumble through my pockets and find nothing. Shit, I left it at his house–I look around the room –and my bookbag. That’s okay. We have a class together tomorrow so he’ll show up early to give me my stuff and apologize and everything will be fine.


*


I show up to class early. The door to the room was unlocked, so I sit there, staring at the clock on the wall. The minutes drag on and no white wolves come through the door. Five minutes before the class starts, all the students have shown up and, a couple minutes later, the professor does too. Is he not going to come to class? It seems like it when the professor starts. However, ten minutes in, I hear footsteps that I know belong to Mathias. I don’t react as he enters my peripheral vision.


“Can I talk to you?” Mathias whispers. “In the hallway.”


I stand and look at the wolf. He has one book bag over each shoulder which looks silly, but kinda cute too. I try to hold onto that observation as I follow him out of the classroom.


“I put your phone in it.” Mathias passes me my bag when we are out of the room. I should say thanks, but it doesn’t feel right so I wait for him to continue. And the wolf makes me wait a while. Holding eye contact in the silence is uncomfortable so I look off to the side. When I think I should say something, the silence is broken for me. “You can’t come over anymore.”


I look at him without meeting his eyes. “I wasn’t planning on it.” A half-lie, I was hoping.


“It’s not you…” The wolf shakes his head. “That sounds like I’m breaking up with you or something.”


Mathias is thinking of a better way to phrase it and I’m through with waiting. I start to turn away before a paw grasps my arm, reminiscent of his mother’s. “It’s just a thing with my mom, and with your scent…” It sounds like he’s gonna explain a whole thing, but with the way it starts I don’t want to hear it. I yank my arm away from him, and while he could stop me, he doesn’t. “Sorry,” he finishes meekly.


It isn’t until I’m at the end of the hallway that I realize that the classroom is the other way. I’m not going back; I’ll skip class.


The separation of the two Mathiases is more complete than I thought. When I see the painting on my wall (nobody besides Arya is in my dorm), I’m filled with the same desire as before and the same floaty feeling after using it. It helps that his eyes have an emotion in them opposite to the ones recently, one that I’ve never seen in Real Mathias.


Once I regain my mental faculties, I rifle through my bag and find my phone and the missed call on it. Strange, it’s Dad, he would usually text me. Figuring it’s important, I return the call, and after a few rings he answers.


“Ellis?”


“Yeah, what’d you need, Dad?”


“So you do use the call feature on your phone. I was starting to think your mom was lying. Anyway, she’s been going back and forth about whether you’ve asked that boy out yet.”


“How much did she tell you?” “Not much. Just that there is a boy.”


I catch Dad up on everything, same as with Mom, this time including recent events. “So I think he hates me or a part of me or something. Yet I’m still aroused by the pain…” I am going to say “painting” before I catch myself.


“By pain? What pain? No, no, no, keep that to yourself.”


I never thought Dad would say those words, especially hearing them and wanting to disobey them. Or maybe it’s better to let him believe I enjoy masochism. It’s better than the truth; there’s nothing wrong with being a little kinky. But lying still doesn’t sit right with me, and I don’t see a reason to do so. He’ll say that I shouldn’t have done that, and that’s it. He’s not going to disown me.


“Not pain, painting. I have, um, an erotic painting of him.”


Silence, but not for as long as I would think it would take to process that. “I’m assuming he doesn’t know about it?”


“Yeah.”


“Okay, well, that’s a no-no for sure. But let’s put that aside for a moment, he doesn’t hate you. What kids say in front of their parents isn’t the full truth–trust me I’d know–and, not to insult you or anything, he could’ve found another study partner if he didn’t like you. My guess is that his Mom doesn’t like you for whatever reason, but he wanted you anyway.”


“So what do I do?”


“You can’t have a relationship without telling him about the, uh, painting–secrets eventually will make things crumble–so you’ll have to tell him and hope for the best.”


Again, I’m unsure about taking my parents’ advice. “That’s it?”


“Not much you can do when you’ve already messed up. Just explain yourself, and don’t deny your mistake.”


“Isn’t there a way to…” I’m interrupted by a knock on my door. “No, you’re right, thanks Dad. I gotta go now, love you.” I hang up.


“Why didn’t you do it?” Arya asks as she enters.


“How do you know I didn’t?” I shoot back. She crosses the room to tower over me next to the bed and looks at me until I say, “His mom walked in.”


“So why didn’t you do it on a different day?”


“Because…” I wish I was good at lying, it would be easier than explaining.


“Because?”


“Just…Because!” I yell then lower my voice to change the subject. “Did you finish?”


The bear produces a painting from underneath my eyeline. “I’m not going to do this again.” She moves to hand it to me, then notices the spot I already made for it on the wall next to the first, and starts to put it there. “It’s too weird.”


“What’s so different now?” I shift and sit up so I’m no longer staring up at her breasts.


“I’ve been hanging around Sienna a lot recently.” Arya steps back then forward again to adjust the painting’s orientation. “And she talks about him a lot after the breakup. And, well, before Mathias was just a reference image so, I don’t know, it doesn’t feel right anymore.”


I can’t think of anything to say besides asking her to elaborate and it doesn’t seem like she wants to. At my lack of response, she makes sure it’s aligned a final time and leaves.


With Arya no longer in the way I analyze the new painting, and it doesn’t arouse me at all. I know I came twenty minutes ago, but that’s never stopped me before. It’s probably because I don’t focus on the action at all. My eyes are drawn to a black mark on Mathias’s side where his rib cage ends. It’s small and goes around to his back and out of view.


In the other painting, the mark would be on his side facing away from the camera. When I start to compare them, it’s obvious that Arya painted him differently. In the new one, she gave him a lot more defined muscles. That is probably her having fun with it, the surprising part is his paws. He’s reaching them out to me (presumably to help stabilize my precarious position), and though I can’t see them trembling in that way he does when he’s overwhelmed, I know they are.





Part 2




I’m meandering through the campus courtyard on my way to my first class of the day. It’s one I share with Mathias so I’m looking forward to it, but I’ve learned he never gets there early. The first snowfall of the season happened yesterday. It’s a light sprinkling and with the sun it looks like the grass, trees, and the building are sparkling. It’s not snowing now and I’m looking up to search for any clouds that could.


My eyes find none, but my ears are assaulted by shouting, “ELLIS!” I snap to the direction of it and see a white wolf stomping towards me. My instincts tell me to run. “DID YOU DO THIS?!”


I’m more aware than ever that Mathias is bigger than me. We’re the same height, but he is bulkier; to the point that he could grab me and break me over his knee like a stick that looked at him wrong. I raise my paws in surrender and attempt to get words out. “D-do wha-what?”


The wolf looks around before reaching into his bag over his shoulder. He pulls out a paper and I know what it is from the window on it that I can see. But he only stops when our cocks are visible then puts it back in. “My mom brought this to me this morning. She said it was on the floor near the entrance.”


“I don’t…” I begin.


“Now she thinks I’m gay and broke up with Sienna for this fox boy who is very clearly you. The same fox she caught alone with me.” The wolf takes a few steadying breaths that fail their purpose. “What the fuck, Ellis?!”


“I didn’t…” I think of a way to phrase it so I'm not lying. “I didn’t put that there.”


“Really? Is there some yaoi club I’m unaware of?!”


That would be convenient wouldn’t it? “Um, no, but everyone thinks you’re hot and they see us together all the time so maybe it’s just someone crushing on you.”


“Seems most likely that someone is the one who just called me hot.”


My first thought is denial, but again I can’t tell a straight lie. “If I was crushing on you, why would I make that and just leave it at your house?”


“I don’t know! You tell me.”


“I don’t know, either.” I need to redirect blame somehow and this tactic isn’t working. “What if it was somebody who was trying to prank you or something?”


“You saw the picture, if someone wanted to do a prank they wouldn’t make something so,” he stops speaking then looks away, “elaborate.”


“Maybe they had a lot of money.” I’ve never confided in him how well-off my parents are.


“Then why would they go here?” The question is rhetorical, but I have to stop myself from answering, “Because I want to get away from my parents.” He continues without letting me respond, “Maybe it’s one of the art students here.”


“That’s quite a few.” And it doesn’t include me.


“Not too many, though.” His stiff posture becomes looser and his ears perk up. “All I gotta do is compare the picture to their portfolio.”


“I can help; I know someone.” The wolf smiles at that answer and, without saying anything, walks away.


I stop myself from watching Mathias’ rear, distracting myself with my phone. I text Arya to meet up, and she says her class ends in thirty minutes, then she’s got an hour window. If I went to class, I would get out with only twenty minutes to talk to her and I’m too drained anyway. So I find a lounging area in a quiet part of campus to wait for the bear. I sit at a small table with a window overlooking the courtyard.


Why would Arya slip a copy of the painting under Mathias’ door? How does she even know where he lives? The second question is easier: she got the address from Sienna. The “why” I can’t discern. Arya wanted me to ask Mathias out, which I was going to do, but she thought that I wouldn’t. So she did it to communicate my feelings to the wolf? There’s better ways to do that. Arya is the dramatic type, but not to that extreme.


“What’d you need?” The words startle me; I thought Arya would go through the courtyard, but she must have gone the other way. The bear comes around and sits across from me.


“Did you…” It feels wrong to accuse Arya when I can’t picture her doing it. “Somebody put a copy of the first painting under Mathias’ door.”


The bear is unphased. “I didn’t do it.”


“It has to be you,” I argue. “It wasn’t me and you haven’t posted it online.”


She drums her paws on the table before responding, “I did give out a copy.”


“To who?”


“Sienna.” I point my paws at her in a WTF gesture. “It’s my work, I can do what I want with it.”


“Out of all the people you could have given it to, you give it to his ex.”


“Well, she offered to help fill in the blanks and I thought you’d appreciate the accuracy.” Now I know, I do appreciate it, just not the method. I explain Mathias’ plan to her. “If he looks at my portfolio, he’ll know instantly it’s me. Photorealistic is, like, a good third of it.”


“So I just gotta make him not look at it.”


“He’s not stupid. If you try to keep him away from me, he’ll know instantly.”


“What do you suggest then?”


The bear shrugs. “I gotta get to my next class now.”


It hasn’t been an hour, but I let her use the excuse to exit the conversation. If she’s not going to help me, I’ll help myself


*


Arya is right: Mathias isn’t stupid, but he might trust me despite knowing he shouldn’t. I need to keep him away from Arya. She won’t help me conceal anything, however, she isn’t going to seek him out either. If she was going to do that, she would have done it already.


It’s only a matter of time before Mathias investigates Arya. He might know of her and if not somebody he knows definitely does. Arya’s not a loner after all. Again, with that trust I should be able to convince him that I checked and she isn’t the one.


So I’m waiting on the opposite side of campus from where I would go through. This part of campus doesn’t have any trees–they died in a storm last year–so there’s only a bench along a stone pathway that leads to the building, and snow-covered grass. It’s not snowing now so I can see the white wolf approaching.


“Hi,” I say right before he walks past me.


The wolf stops and, after a moment, faces me. “Hey.” He looks around despite there’s nothing and no one.


I can’t come right out with it and his body language gives me the perfect thing to talk about. “Are you okay? I’ve noticed you aren’t as,” there’s a lot of words I could say here, but most aren’t something I should say, “perky, I guess.”


Mathias perks his ears up, which makes him look bizarre with a tail coiled around one leg and ever-seeking eyes. “I’m fine.”


“Is it about me?”


“It’s not that.” The wolf uncurls his tail from his leg and sways it behind him. “It’s not anything, I mean.”


“You already slipped, Mathias.”


“If you want to know so bad, fine.” His eyes settle on my chest. “My mom is convinced that the picture is a photograph because she’s fucking stupid. And with the lighting, it’s hard to tell if it’s my room or not. Point is she’s kicking me out because she thinks I did gay stuff in her house. Just like…nevermind.”


I forgot homophobes exist, I thought his mom was only making fun of him. “Shit, is there a way I can help? My dorm’s small, but I got…” I almost offer him money, which would make my part in the painting obvious.


“I don’t think so. If I find whoever,” he glares at me, “made it, maybe I could convince her. Otherwise, my only option is to whip it out and show her I’m not that big.”


The image invoked by his words and the disappointment of him not being that big distract me. When the seconds pass suspiciously, I don’t have time to think of something intelligent to say. “Why not do that?”


The wolf smiles like he caught his prey with his claws. “You think I can get a stiffy in front of my mother? Little guy’ll hide as far inside as he can go and then even farther.”


I fell into his trap. Of course a guilty person would latch onto something that would draw attention away from their guilt. “Um, I’ve already started asking around. I’ve confirmed it’s not Arya or, um,” I realize how obvious it is to only say one name so I pull out a name I’ve only heard from Arya in passing, “Joey.”


“Thanks.” The word is sincere, but the shoulder pat he gives me is not and neither are his next words. “I haven’t even started yet so it means a lot that you’re so motivated.”


It isn’t until he's gone that I realize that all I did was give him the name of the person I need him not to talk to. I can accept it if Mathias finds out that I’m a creep. After what Dad said, I know I shouldn’t deny it. It’s him finding out that Sienna is so bitter that I want to prevent. She must have known that his mom would kick him out, they’ve known each other forever after all. The level of malice to cause that is something no one should receive from someone they care about. The wolf may not have romantic feelings for her anymore, but he still likes her, and thinks that there are no hard feelings between them. I want him to keep thinking that and the only way I can think of is to take the blame for planting the picture. If I could make him believe it, he’d hate me, but it would hurt him less. Although, I just demonstrated how bad at lying I am.


Arya could lie on my behalf. Say that I was pissed off, figured out his mother is homophobic, and wanted to get back at Mathias. It doesn’t sound much like me, and I don't know what I would that angry about, but what else is he supposed to believe? I text Arya to pin everything on me. My reasoning comes out rambly, in the same way she’s always understood. Still, it concerns me when she leaves me on read.


Antsy and not wanting to go to class, I sit down on the bench and call Dad since I would have to explain less with him, but he doesn’t answer. So I call Mom instead and she picks up immediately.


“This going to be a habit, dear?” There’s no sizzling accompanying Mom’s voice. “Because I could get used to this even if it’s infrequent.”


“Maybe, has Dad, um, told you what I told him?” Turns out he hasn’t and I recount everything, including the porn. She doesn’t tell me off for it, like she knows it’s unnecessary.


“Ahh, you have been outplayed by the man you love, how cute.” Everything about that sentence floors me and I sputter before she continues, “That plan wouldn’t’ve worked, Ellis. That college is small, but not that small, and a lot of the students won’t have much of a portfolio to show–just enough to get in–if they do so at a stranger’s bidding at all. He was getting you to react and, let me guess, you pointed him right at…” Loud beeping interrupts Mom that I recognize as the oven’s preheat completion notification. “Arya was it?”


“That’s…” I get up from the bench and pace along the pathway. “Yeah that’s right.”


“So, are you going to confess or are you going to let him find out?”


“I was thinking of having Arya pin everything on me.”


“You think that’ll hurt him less?” I make an affirmative noise. “Truth is better even if it’s not something he wants to hear.” I don’t see the logic in that, but before I can say so Mom rushes out, “Gotta check the pies now, Ellis. Love you.”


“Love you, too." She hangs up


*


It’s unusual to meet Mathias in a coffee shop. He still doesn’t want me at his house, and my dorm is small, but the conversation this is going to be should be in private. Not in this small shop with ten or so tables full of keen-eared furs (wolves, coyotes, and different species of bats). Especially considering how angry he got when he thought I was the culprit. If Arya did what I asked, he would believe it now and, if she didn’t, he would be a worse version of when we watched that movie. However, to invite me here, the wolf must think he can keep himself under control. No one would care as long as Mathias doesn’t make a scene, but knowing they could listen to everything we say over the general chatter makes me uncomfortable.


I’m so focused on the strangers surrounding me that I don’t notice Mathias enter until he’s almost to the small table I’m sitting at. He must be impatient since he doesn’t order anything. He isn’t rushing though, weaving between tables and patrons politely. I give a small wave with the paw not holding the latte to my lips, hoping that alleviates some of the awkwardness I’m feeling; it doesn’t. Especially when he sits across from me and doesn’t say anything. We make eye contact, but as the silence drags on, I find it preferable to examine the swirls of white in my latte. It seems too late for a “hi” and I want him to lead the conversation. What am I supposed to open with? An apology?


“Sooooo?” I drag out the word until he interrupts it.


“Arya told me everything and…” He mimics the fascination in my latte as he trails off.


Of course he says it like that. The only clue I have to what she told him is the soft tone he’s using. Not something you would use towards somebody that fucked up your life. I guess I should have been more articulate in my text to Arya, or she decided that lying isn’t right. Typically, I’d agree, but here it feels beneficial for everybody. Mathias gets his perception for only one person ruined, Sienna doesn’t have to deal with the consequences of her actions, which Arya probably wants too, and I get to see Mathias furious instead of depressed.


“I’m not mad about it or anything. It’s just weird.” His eyes flick up to mine and, reflexively, mine do the same. “No, I’m not going to downplay it. It’s creepy. Especially with how much emphasis Arya put on your repetitive use of it.”


Good, he’s going to focus on that part of it. “Yeah, it is creepy. I know. I-I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”


“The thing she didn’t seem to know is why you didn’t just…y’know say something instead of…”


As the fascination of my latte starts to return for both of us, I chug the rest of it. “You were with Sienna and…”


“After that,” Mathias interjects.


“Then you were sad about it.”


The wolf grips the side of the table. “No, I wasn’t.”


“The-the movie. You were crying.”


“It was a sad movie and I related to it. That’s all.”


“I wa…” Mathias’ gaze grows intense, making it impossible to not stutter. “I wasn’t sure.”


“So you were just going to keep jerking off to me because you thought I was sad. For, like, ever?”


“I was planning to say something the day your m-mother came.”


“Convenient excuse,” he spits those two words then recollects himself. “After that?”


“I thought you,” I glance away to speak, “h-hated me.”


“That’s why you were acting that way? Is there an after that?”


“Yes, but then…” I don’t want to mention Sienna’s betrayal.


“Arya interceded and now we’re here.”


“Ary…” I stop myself from asking what he means to ask the next question that comes to mind and hope it comes off as another stutter. “Are you mad at me?”


“I said I wasn’t.” He notices the firm grip he has on the table. “Okay, a little because I wished you talked to me instead of...y’know. Mostly at Arya, though. She could have just told me, and all she said in defense is that she was being stupid.”


I’m piecing it together, but I don’t want to say anything about it in case I’m wrong so I change the subject. “So what happens now?”


“Between us, you mean?” I nod. “I don’t know. I gotta figure out stuff with my mom. After that…I don’t know. I’ll message you or something when I do know.”


The wolf looks around, seeming to realize the people around him as his black-tipped ears go down. He mumbles something then leaves me alone at the table.


Part 3


Autumn again: start of a new semester and, hopefully, a new Ellis. One that is good at math and controlling himself. Although, I haven’t put either to the test since the end of last year, the end of that fall semester. Still, determination to do better has to accomplish something, right?


Indeed it does, when I see the white wolf, I don’t let lust overtake me. I still feel all the same things as before, but I focus on the person I like instead of the body they inhabit.


Mathias is holding his muzzle in his paw in familiar fashion, doodling on the notebook before him. He doesn’t notice me when I sit in the same row. I consider moving to the seat right next to him, but I have no idea how he feels towards me. I haven’t spoken to him since the coffee shop and he hasn’t messaged me either. The wolf can talk to me without raising his voice if he wants to and, if he doesn’t, he can ignore me too. I convince myself he isn’t doing that, only spaced out, and when the lecture starts, focused.


I try to focus, too, because if he’s not going to help me with this class, advanced trigonometry, I’ll need to work twice as hard. And do well enough to please my parents a little; they weren’t happy with my grades last semester.


When Mathias gets up from his seat, I almost call out his name. He notices me first, with my mouth partially opened, and smiles. “Hey.”


“Um, h-hi.” The word shouldn't be as hard to think of or to say as I make it seem.


“Did you absorb any of that lecture?” He walks over to where I’m sitting.


Mathias towering over me isn’t helping my nerves so I rise. “N-no.”


“You’re not going to pass the class without me.” His joke doesn’t have the intended effect, and after a few moments he continues, “Or if you try really, really hard.”


“I’d prefer the,” it takes a second for me to muster the courage, “help.”


“Sure as long as you help me. You got microbiology right after this?” I nod. “Perfect! I’m living out of the dorms now. Can you meet up in the library at, like, six tonight?”


His excitement spreads to me and I rush out the first thing that comes to mind, “Oh! I got an apartment now. We can study there.” In the silence that follows, I realize how forward that is. We always studied in private so it made sense that he would want to keep doing that.


The wolf’s demeanor retains the excitement–tail wagging , and small smile–but his eyes look like he’s calculating a square root in his head. I realize that’s ridiculous, though, when his eyes return to mine only seconds later with an answer. “Sure, just text me the address.”


“Yeah, see you in an hour.” I have to meet Arya soon, so I turn and leave before he can respond.


Arya and I weren’t as close as we were before I commissioned her. The events gave me no reason to like her less, besides her coming on to me (which I forgot about until she apologized). In fact, the bear taking the blame made me like her more. I simply didn’t have the energy to maintain our friendship; neither did she make any effort. So I didn’t expect her to try to convince me not to skip the spring semester. Or for her to be eager to meet up in the cafeteria today.


It’s too early for me to be hungry, so I sit next to her without getting anything. The bear is almost done with her food; remnants of some soup and bread in front of her.


“Can’t believe you ditched me, Ellis,” Arya says.


“I had to sort myself after…” The bear shakes her head while chomping on a piece of bread. “Sorry.”


“You were kinda weird so I get it.” She looks me up and down. “Not today, though. Find yourself a treat on the way here?”


“A sort yeah.”


“A white one?” After a moment, Arya adds, “Canine-shaped instead of ursine?”


I chuckle, more to give me time to think than anything else. “We’re already back to our old arrangement.”


“But with even more sexual tension; the perfect porn set up.” Her own laughter interrupts her. “I’ll draw it if you want.”


“No you won’t and I don’t…nevermind.”


“I was joking, but it seems I hit something. Go on.” The bear plops the rest of the bread into her muzzle.


“It’s uncomfortable thinking about Mathias that way after…after I went too far with it.” Arya is still chewing, so she responds by gesturing for me to go on. “I’m still attracted to him, but I think it’s best to focus on being a good friend before thinking about anything more.”


“I hope you two get together eventually, so I can make more paintings. Just with both your knowledges this time.”


“Don’t hold your breath because I’m not making a move.”


*


“Damn this apartment is huge!” Mathias overexaggerates. It’s much bigger than a dorm, but having two bedrooms isn’t “huge.” He isn’t gesturing towards the one I’m leading him to that I use as a study. Instead towards the living room and adjacent kitchen. Both seem smaller than the ones at his house–no his mom’s house since he doesn’t live there anymore–but maybe that’s because they’re furnished.


“It’s just something my parents found that’s close by." I grab his still-gesturing arm and bring him to the study. It’s less furnished, only a desk with two chairs because I couldn’t think of anything else to put in here. Since it’s not against a wall, we sit across from each other instead of beside. It isn’t any worse, but the change reminds me of the coffee shop.


Being the first day, and only having two classes today, we don’t have much studying to do. Only looking at what we will be doing and basic stuff. I knew this when Mathias asked me, which is what got me so excited. He doesn’t need to study, but he does what to be with me. Likely to talk about something that requires more time than the time between classes. What that is, though, I can’t figure out.


After the awe of my apartment fades, Mathias acts like we’re back at his mom’s house and I respond in kind. It isn’t until the script ends, when we’re done and I would usually leave, that we talk more than pleasantries and about schoolwork.


“Do you still have the picture?” The question from Mathias comes unprompted.


“Um, yes. It just didn’t feel right to toss them.” Mathias’s ears come up and forward at the last word which I interpret as interest. “Um, do you want to see them?”


“I do,” Mathias answers. I haven’t looked at them since I moved and put them in one of these drawers. By the time I find it (they’re in the last one I check), the wolf is leaning over the desk to watch me. I nearly bump into him when I take my head away from the drawer.


“Here you go.” I put the paintings on the desk with a paw covering the erotic part. “Why, um, did you want to see them?”


The wolf slides the painting out from under my paw. It isn’t until he shows no interest in the first and pushes it away, that I remember he never saw the second. He doesn’t seem disgusted by it, in fact, the best description would be enthralled.


“It was Sienna." I stay silent, which Mathias interprets as confirmation. “Something never added up. Arya not having a real reason, Sienna’s scent being everywhere in her dorm, Sienna never talking to me. I concluded that she was just not interested in being friends. But neither of you have seen me naked so Sienna must have told you guys how I look and then she…”


Still unable to deny it, I say something true, “I’m sorry for lying to you, and for Sienna, and for making what she did possible.”


“It’s fine. I get why you lied to me–it’s easier that way–and Sienna made her own choice. As for the picture stuff, well, I don’t get it, but I’ve decided to forgive you, I guess. Because,” he searches for words for a moment and finds ones he already said, “it’s easier that way, and…I like being around you.”


“If you want the full truth, I told Arya to pin it on me, not herself.”


 “Really?”


“Yeah, um, she decided that it was more believable for her. That’s what she said, anyway. I’m pretty sure she’s hoping that we still would have…” I glance at the paintings. “Not that…” I want to banish any implication that I’m hoping we can get together, but lying is still difficult, particularly to Mathias.


I thought the wolf leaned over the desk as much as he could, yet he edges closer to me. I panic, and slide out of the way so that his lips land on the side of my muzzle. He pulls back–showing that he had to stand up to reach me–grabs his bag off the floor, whips around, and leaves the room.


I’m stunned from the suddenness of it all. So when I scramble out of my chair, I don’t notice the drawer still open and trip over it. I land on the carpet and am able to break my fall so I’m not hurt. I hear the front door open and close before I can get to my feet. I rush to and out of the door. He’s already out of the hallway and, after a moment of consideration, I take the time to lock my door. I can catch up to him on the way to the dorms.


If the wolf lets me, anyway. I don’t want to run down the stairs and when I get outside I don’t see him at either end of the residential street. The street is well-lit, apart from the shadows caused by the sun’s low position, so I would be able to see him. I sprint to the far end, the fastest way to campus and catch his scent. However, when I turn the corner onto the next street–the way he should have gone–it becomes fainter.


It’s difficult to tell exactly where he went by smell. The air is muddied by the scents of other furs, the ocean a few streets over, and the withering garden in front of one of the houses. Still my nose makes its best guess and I follow a street that leads I don’t know where.


I don’t find out either because I find the white wolf before I reach the end. His ears swivel a little so I know he notices me. While he doesn’t speed up, I’m so out of breath that I can’t gain on him. I try to shout his name, but it comes out as a gasp.


Mathias stops and, after consideration, faces me. I beckon him to come close and he reluctantly does. I’m doubled over a little and once he’s within reach I pull myself up using his shoulders.


I meet his eyes, and have nothing to say. I forgot to think of something and all my brain is giving me is, “I’m tired. I want to lay down.” Not the romantic speech I need.


Mathias breaks the silence. “I don’t know why I did that.”


“It’s simple,” I respond, which is easier than an impressive declaration of affection. “You wanted to.”


“I’m just confused.”


“About?” I let my paws linger on his shoulders despite no longer needing the support. “You,” Mathias answers. “You’re everything I was taught to avoid, yet I don’t. I like being around you and you are nothing like what my mom said your kind are.”


That’s never a phrase you want to hear used to refer to you, so I take my arms away from him. “My kind?”


“A gay fox. A gray one especially.” The wolf raises a paw, almost touching me, then lowers it.


“What’s, um, wrong with any of that?”


“Everything, according to my mom.” He takes a deep breath then lists, “Conniving, deceitful, corruptors of society, leeches, good for nothin…”


Mathias isn’t running out of air and I don’t need to hear more so I interrupt, “Is it just religious BS mixed with racism?”


“Racism, yes. Religion, no. I can’t remember exactly, but I think she was,” that square-root-look returns to him, “normal, I guess. Until the divorce.”


“A divorce doesn’t do that to somebody.” “I guess I have to tell you everything for you to understand.” He curls a tail around one leg and talks to the ground instead of me. “I was going through puberty, and being a horny son of a bitch, looking for porn on my dad’s computer. Course, he had all the sites blocked so I dug through his files. And I found some listed under some work thing. Gay porn of a gray fox being fucked by–well I didn’t know at the time because he was out of frame, but it was my father. There was tons of it. Some of it dated before I was born. I only got through a dozen or so before my mom walked in one day and…I think you can figure out the rest.”


I lift his muzzle to be centimeters away from mine. “She made you believe that homosexuality destroyed everything.”


“And foxes.” Mathias places a paw over mine, encouraging me to caress the side of his muzzle. “I don’t believe any of it, but I still cared about what mom wants because…y’know she’s my mom and I feel bad at what Dad did to her even if it’s not because of foxes or because he is gay.”


“He’s just an unfaithful bastard.”


“Yeah, I guess it was easier for my mom to blame something external rather than the wolf she married.”


“So you’re confused because you still want to do what your mother wants?”


“Maybe a little, I don’t know. I’m confused because I don’t know why I’m confused. It was so easy with Sienna to know exactly how I feel.” The wolf starts to step away from my paws then reconsiders. “But I think it means something that I rebelled just for you. And if you still want to, I want to…y’know.”


“I do want to.” I bridge the small gap between our lips. Somehow, he didn’t expect that and is still against me. I flick my tongue out and he pulls away.


“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says, then rushes off. I want to chase him again, but I know I wouldn't catch him this time.


*


“So how does dinner sound?” I say, nuzzling into his shoulder while keeping pace beside him.


“Like at a restaurant?” Mathias asks without returning my affections. Instead he pretends it isn’t happening, but his stiffness makes it obvious he can’t think about much else. “Like a date?”


“That’s what we’re doing, right?” I stop contact with him. “Dating?”


“I guess.” The wolf focuses on walking along the pathway. “But I don’t think I’m ready for dinner.” That’s like the first step, though, isn’t it? What else are two people that are dating supposed to do? Fuck, yes, but before that they…? Giving up, I toss the question back at him, “So what are you ready for?”


“I am hungry so, like, I don’t know.”


“You’re hungry, but you don't want to go to dinner.” Such ridiculousness should be frustrating, however, I find myself giggling instead. “If it’s the formality of it that bothers you we can just go someplace casual.”


“I think it’s more–can we just go to your place?” He looks at me to ask that, which distracts me from what he’s so apprehensive about. That and the fact that getting him back to my apartment, while not the goal of dinner, is something I desire.


I prevent myself from squealing out an overenthusiastic “Definitely!” and go with, “Of course, whatever you’re comfortable with.”


We reach the end of campus to the street surrounding it, and I turn to where my apartment is. The wolf doesn’t follow, though, and when I look back he asks, “You got food there? ‘Cause I am really hungry.”


“Not really.” Nothing befitting the occasion anyway. Mac & Cheese, frozen food, and spaghetti don’t sound like something you’d eat on a date. Well, that last one might be fine, but I don’t know what he likes. Then again who doesn’t like spaghetti?


“We could go buy something,” Mathias suggests.


My ability to cook ends at boxed meals so I was relying on somebody doing the cooking for me. I could suggest takeout, but if he’s suggesting that we cook our own food, he must has something in mind that he knows how to cook.


That belief shatters when we get there, however. I think I’m following him, but it turns out he is following me. So we walk to the back of the store then stare at each other, waiting for the other to make a move.


Not knowing what to do, I gesture to the refrigerators and ask, “Milk and cheese?”


“I suppose that’s a meal.” He’s forced to face me now, which is an improvement from when we were walking. His body is still stiff, his tail hovering around his calves.


“You weren’t supposed to agree.” The wolf’s eyes are on the said milk and cheese. And, despite my best efforts, his awkwardness spreads to me. “What, um, did you have in mind to buy?”


“I don’t know. Food.”


It’s not the difficulty of knowing what to eat that’s bothering him. What is it, though? Does he not want to be dating? When I asked before he didn’t sound enthused about it. “Are you not interested in dating me?”


“I d…” He meets my eyes for a split second which halts his speech. “I don’t know.”


What do I say to that? List reasons that he should date me? No, I need to look past what I’m concerned about. Something is bothering him, and if I want to be his partner, I should be most concerned about that. “Tell me what’s wrong.”


He looks around, as if anybody would care, and when the sole leopard walks past rushes out, “You look just like him.”


“Like who?”


“Joseph.” Mathias seems to be willing me to understand so he doesn’t have to explain.


When I only stare back at him, he continues, “My father’s affair that I…y’know what to. I only noticed yesterday when I was telling you everything then I looked on social media and yeah. He’s older now, but he looks exactly like you. Same build, fur pattern, eye color. And now it’s super weird because…y’know”


I take his paws that refuse to stop playing with each other and give them my own to play with. His eyes seem to say, “WTF are you doing?” then scan our surroundings again. “If it makes you feel better,” I say, “I like the idea that I’m hot enough to jerk off to.”


“That’s not the point.”


“I know, but does it really matter? At worst we’re even.”


“Yeah. I guess, I just need time to get used to it.”


“It would help if you would look at me.” I disentangle one of my paws from his to turn his muzzle to mine. “Nobody cares if we’re holding paws, if anything they find it weird that you’re acting weird about it.”


I retreat both of my paws and grab the nearby milk and cheese. “Want anything else?”


On the walk back to my apartment, Mathias is looser and gets hungry enough that he drinks the milk from the jug. When I point out that it's weirder than two people holding paws, he grabs my paw with his free one. I offer him the block of cheese, and he claims that crosses some line.


It isn’t until we’re in my kitchen that I realize we never bought a meal. Worse still, while the noodles are cooking, I discover I don’t have any sauce. So, with buttered noodles, we sit at my dining table. Next to each other because Mathias agrees across is uncomfortable.


“So, what’d you do with your semester off?” he asks.


“Oh, um, getting my shit together.”


The wolf bites off the noodle he was slurping. “If it makes you feel better, your shit is noticeably together.”


“Thanks, that’s,” I take a bite of noodles, “sweet of you.”


He clicks his fork on the plate, growing into an uneven rhythm. “Hmmm, I’m struggling here, Ellis. How do you flirt with a guy? Because I think I just did it wrong.”


“You did it fine, though some rephrasing might have helped. Just do what you did with Sienna.”


“I don’t remember the last time we flirted.” Mathias twirls some noodles onto his fork. “I think it was just me joking about sticking my…y’know what in her. I was really horny that day.”


“Well, go with that. I don’t mind.”


He untwirls and re-twirls his noodles around his fork before eating them. “I don’t think I should do that.”


I don’t see why not, but arguing isn’t going to get me anywhere. “So dial it down a little.”


Mathias is silent, the square-root-look in his eyes. I let him think until we finish our meal and it becomes awkward. “Come up with something yet?”


“Come up with what now?”


I giggle at his endearing ineptitude. “Yeah, flirting is hard. Just say what you’re thinking.”


The wolf plays with his fork before responding, “I think I want to do,” he drops his fork and covers my paw with his now-empty one, “y’know stuff.”


“I think what I want is already, um,” I use my pinkie (the only finger that can move) to caress the side of his paw, “communicated.”


“Yeah, but I don’t–nevermind. Can I kiss you?”


“You needn’t ask.”


Mathias hesitates, and I think to give a clearer “yes” before he leans forward. Our first kiss–I’m not counting the other two as real kisses–sends sparks down my spine and outward. This time he allows my tongue entrance. Underneath the butter, there’s the savory taste of male wolf. I stand, making Mathias stand with me, and embrace him.


With gentle nudges, I start to guide him towards the bedroom then stop. The wolf has been apprehensive all night; I don’t know what he wants besides “stuff,” which could mean only a kiss. I don’t want to force him into something he’s unsure about, and he knows all about my desires, so I’ll let him initiate.


I notice my tongue is still and has been, but before I can correct it, Mathias breaks the kiss. “You okay?” he asks, stroking the side of my muzzle. “You went a little limp.”


“More than.” I let my tongue spill out and lick his paw. “Just letting you make the next move.”


Mathias tilts his head, eyes inquisitive. “Next move?” His ears perk. “Right, next move. Okay, so, this is the part where I take you to the bedroom which…” He takes my paw and we pad to the hallway where he looks at each of the three doors in turn.


“Very end,” I instruct.


Again, the wolf struggles to process words, but since I know that “stuff” involves the bedroom, I lead him there. It’s mostly empty space; my bed on one side, and my dresser and closet on the other. Unimpressive, but Mathias spends time taking it in anyway.


“Feeling a little nervous?” I ask while I bring him to the bed and sit him down. He nods. “We don’t have to do anything if you’re uncomfortable.”


“No, I want…” The wolf pulls me level with him, attempting a kiss.


“Sex?” He makes an affirmative noise. “Say it for me.”


His eyes plead with mine until they realize the futility of it. “I want sex with you.”


“Then that’s what we’ll do.” I release myself from his grip and step backwards.


I didn’t dress for a striptease, but it’s a part I refuse to skip. I toss off my overshirt, revealing more of the sameish gray of my arms. Mathias isn’t impressed by that and starts to rise before I gesture for him to stay. I undo the button and zipper of my jeans. Which captures the wolf’s interest by the obvious, then by the edge of the orange splotches of my thighs.


“Your orange is lighter than I thought.”


“Sorry,” as I lift my undershirt, I spin around, using my tail to frame the orange around my waist, “Arya painted me prettier than I am.”


“No, no, the real you is as pretty as can be.”


For a moment, I believe him and, derailing my routine, flex my bicep once I free it from my shirt. It’s the only way I can think of to show off the orange there, even if there’s no muscle to go along with it. The wolf enjoys it regardless, the sound of his tail swishing on the bed growing faster. I do the same with the other arm when I drop the shirt to the ground.


Mathias leans forward as my paws return to my jeans. I ease them down and twirl to display my backside before I pass my erection in my boxers. I still want him to see my excitement, so I wag my bushy tail, brushing it into him. I throw the pants off the rest of the way since there’s nothing interesting past my thighs.


I sashay in a circle to face the wolf. His eyes are glued to my half-orange, half-gray tail that is obscuring the bulge in my boxers. I move my tail for him and he reaches for my bulge, more to express desire than because he can. I uncover the rest of my thighs around my dick. When his patience is wearing thin, the boxers disappear off my body in a smooth motion.


Finally bare, I give him my best sexy smirk. “You gonna catch up?”


“I won’t promise to outdo your performance.” Mathias doesn’t put any fanfare into disrobing . Because he doesn’t need to, his thick coat provides all the intrigue necessary. He does put emphasis on his black mark on his side. His sheath too, but more because of trepidation than anything else. He’s only peeking, meaning my striptease didn't have the intended effect. I console myself that it got him comfortable and there’s plenty of ways to get him to full mast.


I crawl onto my side next to the wolf and he stretches out the same way. I think he’s going to kiss me, but instead his nose lands on my neck, nuzzling. He breathes deeply and gives a contented sigh.


“I thought you didn’t like the way I smell?”


“I never said that. I love,” the wolf emphasizes the word by pulling me into his nose, consequently grinding his cock into my leg, “your scent.”


He’s out to about my length. Hopefully, he lied before and there’s more. He’s not as thick–I match his grinding to coax more cock out of his sheath–but maybe he’s as long. He’s not growing anymore, but I don’t feel his knot so it’s still a possibility. I slide down the bed and stimulate his dick with the smooth skin of mine. His contented sighs following his inhales become gasps. Frotting is great foreplay, and it allows me to compare our lengths.


I’m about average–less than I hate to admit–so it’s rare that someone isn’t bigger than me. And never before did I discover someone smaller. Not by much, at most a half inch, but still the top should be bigger.


No, no, less superficial Ellis, remember? The wolf noticed my less enthusiastic humping, and I can’t disappoint him. Thanks to me, his mouth is no longer occupied with gasps of pleasure. So I occupy it with a kiss, pouring vigor into my tongue sneaking between his lips, my paws along his back, and especially my hips frotting our cocks together. They bounce off of each other, but I don't care because my wolf is enjoying it, unable to do anything but moan into my mouth.


Mathias composes himself and kisses back, sealing his lips to mine and playing with my tongue in his mouth. He solves our little problem with a paw holding our cocks together. When he starts to thrust too, our knots aren’t able to pass each other. And create a slapping sound that you wouldn’t get usually with frottage. It also means our lengths aren’t playing with each other as much as my knot is grinding against his shaft. A unique experience to me, which typically only happens when I bed a new species. While I’ve had sex with other canids, they’re focused on getting their knot inside me (not that I’m complaining), not against mine.


The new sensation is more pleasurable than I would have thought. I use frottage more for getting warmed up; this time it is tempting to finish like this. Particularly when our members slicken each other with pre, making the slapping sound wet. And when his arousal grows so potent that I can’t identify the layers anymore. Like a light blinding you so you can only see the color, all I can smell is his musk.


Our tongues have long forgotten their dance and both laze in his muzzle. I give my tongue a different objective. “I’m close. Slow down.” I halt at my own instruction, but he doesn’t acknowledge it. I bring a paw to the one holding our cocks together and attempt to loosen his grip. It takes a lot of willpower and I only summon it because I would like to sleep in this bed when we’re done. Not possible with a lake of our cum in the middle of it.


Mathias stops. “Are you sure we can’t keep going?”


“If you really want to, sure, but I figured you’d enjoy something else more.”


“Oh, yeah, I guess I wanted to…y’know.” He’s still shy? Adorable!


“I want to do that too.” With an invitation anyone would grab me and jam it in, yet all the wolf does is stare at me. “You want to, um, lead?”


“I think it would be better if–I’ve got bad knees so I couldn’t really…”


I can feel a “y’know” coming despite I do not, so I beat him to it. “Y’know that you use your hips mostly, right? Have you neverrrrrrr…”


“I have. I just…want to do it the other way around.”


There’s palpable effort in his words, so I don’t let my surprise or disappointment show. I can get a turn later, for now I need to show the wolf a good time. “In that case, turn around,” I command.


Mathias’ paws are jittering as he uses them to roll onto his other side. It must be a good kind of overwhelmed because his tail bats into me. “Have you ever stuck anything up there?” I fumble around my headboard cabinet while my other paw strokes his side, along his black mark.


When that paw lowers to the base of his tail, the wolf answers, “When I was twelve with just my fingers. I did it a lot, though.” That’s better than nothing; he’s not used to it with a ten-year hiatus, but he knows he likes it.


The problem is I’ve never had to break somebody in before and I can’t remember when I was since that too was ten years ago. It can’t be difficult; go slow, which is doable, if not my preference,


My paw finds the bottle it’s looking for. From there the motion of opening it and squeezing its contents onto my palm, all with one paw, is automatic. My other paw is busy running up and down his now-languid tail. I poured too much lube to the point that I can’t help dripping some as my paw descends our forms. I coat my foxhood first then his taint. He starts at the touch (probably because of the cold), but pushes back as I gloss over his tailhole.


My paws meet at the base of his tail, one still with excess lube so the other scoops it off and they go their separate ways. One to his wolfhood–playing with it rather than bringing him to climax–and the other back to his tailstar. Mathias tenses, but pushes back eagerly like before. I circle the ring with one finger until it relaxes then push against it, only causing it to tense again. Should I power through?


Mathias makes the decision for me. My fingertip, previously cold from the lube, is enveloped by warmth. He stops there and I wiggle the finger around until he relaxes, then I push the finger the rest of the way in. He doesn’t tense, or move at all. He’s silent too, so my only indicator of how he’s feeling is the still-drooling dick in my paw. It is a good one, however, so after I explore the tunnel some more–getting a single squirm–I sink another finger in. I fail to get him to squirm again. Which I blame on the reduced agility from the fingers pressing together, and give him a third finger.


“Feel good?” I ask as I nuzzle into his side. I get what sounds like an affirmative noise. “Are you ready for the, um, thing?” I cringe at my inability to form a proper sentence.


“Yeah,” Mathias answers.


My nuzzling continues up to his scruff. “Tell me if it’s too much.”


Once I’m aligned, I press gently forward and my tip is welcomed inside. My paw has disconnected from his wolfhood (the stretch became uncomfortable), so I’ve no clue if he’s enjoying it or not. I’m hoping he’s a quiet lover because otherwise…I thrust a few more inches into him, dispelling my concerns with the pleasure of the action. After a few seconds, give him the rest that I have. My arousal must’ve faded more than I thought because my knot slips into him without intention.


“How’s that?” I whisper into his ear.


“Good, keep going.” Mathias’s voice is breathy.


When I hilt him again, my knot slips in with intention, and requires effort before it is free from the tunnel. I’ve never popped my knot in and out before. The sudden pressure and its removal is addicting. Not only because of the bliss, but it gets the wolf moaning like he was when we were frotting. I only exit the trance when my knot doesn’t enter, and I realize that if it does, it won’t come out for a while.


“Do you want to be tied?” I ask.


“Yes, plEASE.” The last part comes out as squeak when my hips use their full strength on his ass.


I don’t succeed, however, even when my paw leverages him into my thrusts. I keep attempting because my cock is begging me to rather than because I’m getting anywhere. He’s not keeping me out, nor am I already at full size, I’m weak and what little strength I have is waning. I’ve tied somebody before, but it’s more accurate to say they’ve used my knot to tie themselves. I thought I would get some kind of hysterical strength, instead my instincts tell me that I need a different position to get the job done.


I lift a leg over the wolf and hold him against me so that he doesn’t lower on his front. Mathias yips in surprise; a beautiful sound I want to hear again. From that I get the hysterical strength that I expected before. I slow and use my full length, focusing on power rather than speed. Like this I get his tunnel to accept more and more of my knot. The wolf’s breath hitches in anticipation each time I stretch him further. He wants it and, to tease him, I temper the pounding of my knot and pause as it fails to make his tailhole yield. I use the time to nibble on Mathias’ black-tipped ears and he squirms at first. Then he gets impatient, his arousal more pungent, and tries to complete the tie himself. When he almost succeeds, I pull out to the tip and drill him one last time, finally popping all the way inside. I get a similar, louder yip from the wolf as I swell inside him. It feels more rapturous than other times I’ve done it; it is satisfying to do it with my own strength.


I bring my leg back from over Mathias and, keeping him pressed against me, work the inch or so that I have in and out of him. It doesn’t take long for my orgasm to dullen my senses to the only two things I need: the feeling filling the white wolf with my seed, and his scent. I mash my nose into his side, frustrated I can't get to the source of his arousal.


It isn't until I come down from my climax that I realize his scent is free of cum. When I try to slide my paw down to his wolfhood, I discover that he entangled his paw with mine at some point. The trembling of his paw discourages me from removing my paw from his. Even if it's expressing a good kind of overwhelmed. I’m lying on my other arm so I can’t use that one to reach over.


“Good as you remember?” I ask.


“Better, thank you.” He squeezes my paw, making it impossible to tear from his grip.


“You want me to, um, finish you?”


“Oh! Right, please,” he says, but doesn’t release me.


“You don’t need to be so formal about it. I’m happy to, if you’ll allow me to.”


“Allow–oh.”


Once freed, my paw finds his wolfhood as if magnetized to it. I don’t need to see what I’m doing, or even think about it since his cock is so similar to my own. The growing pool of pre tells me he enjoys all the little motions I would do on myself. I remember my concern about sleeping on the bed afterwards, but since it’s the edge and already ruined, I forget it again. In the time it takes me to think through that, he’s spurting into my paw and on the sheets with the same moans as before. I enjoy them and the clenches on my softening dick.


“Thank you for that,” the wolf says.


“I said stop it with that stuff.” My paw returns to his chest where, once again, it is locked within a pleasant vice. “I want to do it, so there’s no need for it.”


I wake up without recollection of falling asleep with Mathias in my arms. Which is one of the few things that comes right out of my fantasies. Despite that, I couldn’t be more content. From a physical standpoint, I’ve had better sex, yet I never felt so complete afterwards. Giving Mathias what he wants is more satisfying. And I know if I keep focusing on doing that, the wolf will do the same in turn. Even if it still doesn’t match up with my fantasies, I know that it’ll be as perfect as everything feels now.