ELEVEN-D: The Split

After so much deliberation on the stairs, Lukan has decided what to do about Klaus cheating on him. If Klaus is happier with that cat, seriously, does Lukan have a right to intervene? Yeah sure, the circumstance that brought upon that taboo relationship is something that can hardly be approved of. But Lukan remembered something he promised to Klaus not even that long ago. That no matter what, he’d find a way to help Klaus. And if letting him be with that cat is the way to go in that regard, then Lukan would be breaking his promise if he objected. Although, Klaus already broke his own promise by committing this deed. Still, Lukan found it wrong to aggravate the situation more, despite what he felt about it. If he were to follow suit in a similar way, the hypocrisy would kill his morality. No. I-it must be done…
It was with a heart that weighed him down like lead that he forced himself onto his paws. He walked to the door and briefly looked back. He wondered what the otter and cat were doing right now. Holding paws? Hugging? Kissing? Having sex? For some reason that last proposition hurt Lukan way more than it should. He knew very well that he shouldn’t care. That’s all Klaus wanted to do anyways… 
He clumsily placed the key card into the lock and opened it. The cool air of the room hit him hard. After a revelation like that, Lukan usually became jumpy, unfocused and inattentive. His usual manner of being constantly lost in thought somehow became that much stronger whenever something life changing such as that were to occur. In fact he was so lost in thought, it took his mother walking up to him and tapping his shoulder to snap him out of it this time.
“Lukan, are you okay?” she asked.
“Honestly, I don’t think so,” Lukan said in a poorly hidden defeated voice. 
“Why? Did you not find him?” she pressed.
Lukan sighed heavily. He wondered what he would tell her? He already decided against telling her what he saw. But he also knew that she should at least know that he and Klaus were liable to break up very shortly. “No mom, but… I do think that I might have to break up with Klaus,” he confessed.
She gasped. “Break up? But why?”
Lukan bit his lip. Come on stupid coon… It’s not like he’ll tell her exactly why, but why he may have considered it without meaning to… “Klaus is not happy with me, mom. I think I may be holding him down.”
“It’s about the sexual thing?” she tilted her head.
“The lack thereof,” Lukan clarified with his voice barely coming out. “I just can’t do that. Not so much. No way,” he said.
“But he won’t be too much happier without you, will he?” she countered.
Lukan felt a lump in his throat clog his vocal chords. Now what does he say? Whatever it is, she can’t know that Klaus is cheating on him. He did not want to think of what would happen if she were to know that. For Klaus’ sake, Lukan needed to ensure his happiness even if it meant doing the potentially wrong things. “Maybe not, but will it make that much of a difference? Besides s-somehow I feel like I can do all that as a friend, but not a lover. It’s weird…” Now that Lukan thought about it, being fuck buddies with Klaus as… buddies… sounded better than letting Klaus extort it from him while they were considering themselves boyfriends. However, would they even be able to after all this? Klaus won’t take the break up well, Lukan assumed, and that cat may take over. Whatever the outcome may be, only Klaus mattered now. Before his mother could say anything, he added on, “We’ll see what happens.”
	“Lukan, are you sure?” she seemed shocked, as Lukan knew she would be. “This is a big decision.” No need to tell him even once. “Are you okay with this?”
“No mom. No. Having a legitimate taste of what love could feel like after all the years I’ve suffered alone is something I can’t describe. Just thinking of being without it again is horrifying. But I have to think of Klaus first, and him and me? It just won’t work,” Lukan said, voice cracking from sadness. 
“After one disagreement?” she seemed skeptical. “All couples fight you know; it’s completely normal.”
“But something like this? When it completely compromises how we feel about the relationship and our health? Is that really that petty?” Lukan said sadly.
“I did not say that. I mean all couples fight and try to compromise--”
“I tried to, but he wouldn’t let me start,” Lukan replied. “I seriously don’t know if things should continue like this…”
“Lukas. I don’t know how hard it is being gay like the two of you, but you two do know that it will be so much harder for you both to find new boyfriends, especially in a new place like this? If I were you, I’d be happy with whomever I could--”
	Lukan interrupted her. “Would anyone be with someone they didn’t love because someone like them would be hard to find? What logic is there in that?”
“I married your father,” she stated flatly. “Even I still don’t know why.”
“Is it a raccoon thing?” Lukan asked.
“I doubt it, but seriously, Lukas, be careful what you decide to do, alright?” 
Lukan paused as she said what he already knew. “I have to be,” he said simply. 

That night was one full of turbulence and discomfort for Lukan as he dreamed what he dreaded: the otter’s denial of love for him. Lukan couldn’t believe that this was going to be the end of the relationship. A month and a half… and it’s all gone. All because Lukan was too much of a prude for Klaus to handle and the otter resorted to abhorrent tactics to lessen his problems. And in doing so, he only gave the raccoon more problems instead.
Throughout Lukan’s mind, he heard the same words over and over. Words that continuously said that Klaus never loved him. That the only reason he ever got close to Lukan was so he could constantly get into his pants, not knowing Lukan did not want to let that happen so often. There was a limit to what Lukan could take there and Klaus crossed it. And Lukan felt bad the limit was there in the first place. But then Klaus had to go and cheat. What a mess… the more Lukan thought about it, the more he realized just how badly they both fucked up. Deprivation… Infidelity… Two major flaws that exploded without any warning at all… and now the effects are irreversible. And it haunted Lukan’s dreams on top of reality. This was something that was simply never going to go away…
It’s for the best… that Lukan Benka and Klaus Richtors were no more.

A loud cracking sound jolted Lukan’s eyes open that morning. Despite the sudden loud sound of the door of opening startling the hell out of him, his body refused to move in reaction. At first he thought the door opening was his mom potentially getting them breakfast from the lobby, but he quickly learned from his nose that it was a mustelid with traces of feline scent returning to the hotel at last. Lukan refused to think of what they had done after Lukan bolted from seeing them merely kissing… 
There was no initial reaction when Klaus revealed himself to the hotel room. Lukan’s mother must have been in the shower, so she does not know yet that Klaus had finally returned. Lukan could only imagine what her reaction would have been if she was right there though. It would not have been pretty.
Klaus sat down on the bed next to Lukan’s with a loud sigh. The raccoon could not tell if it was a sigh of exhaustion or regret. Klaus must know that what he was doing was wrong… and yet he still continues to do so? Lukan briefly wondered why. And then he remembered that desperation caused anyone to do anything they wouldn’t be proud of.It made them senseless, careless, and tactless through and through. If only Lukan could just will himself to help the otter in any way he could… But after what he saw… he felt he no longer had the heart to any longer… so there was only one thing left to do…
“Klaus,” he said in a hoarse voice without moving. This startled the otter as he jumped and yelped.
“L-Lukan! Y-you’re awake!” he exclaimed. “I’m so sorry about last night! I was just so upset that I couldn’t hang around here any longer... “
 That was NOT the reason Klaus should be sorry! Lukan felt a little anger rising in his chest, but it was quickly subdued by sadness and regret when he remembered what he had to do.	“As long as you’re fine, Klaus…” he started. “But I know you aren’t fine. I finally understand why you have done what you’ve done to me. You must be in the most agonizing pain in your life”
	Klaus tilted his head worriedly. “I am, but… what do you mean?” he said.
	“Isn’t it obvious, Klaus? You aren’t the least bit happy with me. Not anymore anyways,” Lukan replied. “You need someone who could satisfy your needs. I-I don’t think I can be that guy; I just… I just can’t do it. I thought I could, but, no. I’m sorry, Klaus,” Lukan looked at the otter square in the eyes as he felt tears welling up in his own. This was it. There was no turning back now.
	“Lukan…? What are you saying?” Klaus asked, sounding very worried now. Lukan hated to do this, but Klaus did break his heart first. Not that Lukan had any vengeful motivations, but it could not be denied.
	“I’m setting you free Klaus. I’m not the right guy for you. That cat from last night? I hope he’ll take better care of you than I ever had,” Lukan sniffled. 
	“Y-ou know about me and-- wait. Lukan, no. You can’t be- Are you breaking up with me-?” Klaus’s mind was probably so flustered that it couldn’t convey the thoughts it had properly. Lukan saw that Klaus’s moon-wide eyes were glistening with tears and his maw hung open in complete shock. Lukan hated inflicting the otter with such immense pain. And Klaus probably had mutual feelings in that regard. But still, it must be done. For Klaus’s sake.
	Lukan nodded as his lips quavered. “I am. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be a good enough boyfriend for you, Klaus.”
	Klaus lept from the bed and latched onto Lukan with strong arms. “No! I will not let go of you!” he cried. “I’m such a fucking fool for turning you away like that! It’s my fault for caving into my anxiety! I just couldn’t take it anymore! Please Lukan! Please don’t leave me!”
	The otter’s sheer desperation made Lukan uncertain if he was making the right move. For a moment, Lukan wanted to take back everything he said and keep the otter in his arms forever. But he knew better than that. With the way things were, Lukan knew this situation was impossible. “A-at least you still have the cat guy, right?” he said as he stroked the otter’s back in sympathy. “You won’t be alone…”
	The otter snivelled loudly. “Yeah, but. But you won’t have anyone… I-I refuse to be with somebody if it’s only going to hurt somebody else…” he hugged Lukan tighter.
	“No matter what happens Klaus… no matter what we do, I’ll be hurting in the end and so will you,” Lukan struggled to keep his voice together. “This is the best option that we have.”
	“Is it though!?” Klaus exclaimed. “I refuse to take this option! Never this! I want you, Lukan!” Klaus sobbed.
	“More so than the cat?! More so than your sexual desires? No. Your necessities? You need someone who can help. I’m not that guy, Klaus!” Lukan denied any chance the otter would have to convince Lukan otherwise. Lukan wanted Klaus more than anything in the world, but the thought of knowing that he can never have him and be completely happy drove an icicle right through his heart.
	“Lukan…” Klaus breathed, but he seemed unable to say any more words to argue with Lukan.
	Lukan looked away and refused to let Klaus see his tears. Nor did he want to see Klaus’s. “Go to him,” Lukan choked. “Go be with someone who can make you happy. Do not say that I can, for I proved that I cannot. Goodbye, Klaus my lover…” 
	
	The two of them had an awkward moment when Lukan’s mother emerged from the bathroom. Instantly, she knew what had just gone down. Lukan had told her the previous night he planned to break up with Klaus. She was planning to chew Klau out for disappearing the previous night, but seeing as Klaus just lost his boyfriend, she decided it best to spare him from any further grief. 
	As much as Lukan wanted to grieve for the love that he lost forever, as he assumed Klaus did as well, there were life matters that needed to be attended to. They knew they could not stay in the hotel forever, nor did they want to or could afford it. They needed to find a place to live. And on top of that a new job or two or three. Not that Klaus or Lukan felt like doing anything of the sort right then… But unfortunately, they knew that they had to regardless of what just happened to them.
	The day wore on slowly. Too slowly. The three new citizens of Salamanda wandered and drove around asking for advisories on good housing locations and potential jobs in the area. There were a good number of housing opportunities, but not many differing jobs showed up. Almost all of them were restaurant or some retailers. As much as that boded very poorly for their future, Lukan honestly could not care less at that moment. He, like Klaus spent the entire day sulking. He knew that the otter and him wanted the same thing: each other, but were woefully aware that it just could not happen. Were they doomed from the start? No they couldn’t have been… It was because of Klaus’s reticence that kept his darkest torments from Lukan’s knowledge. If only he had known sooner! But alas… just another way they fucked up their relationship. Klaus for not telling Lukan, and Lukan for not noticing something was wrong with Klaus, though he hid his emotions staggeringly well, better than Lukan thought he was able to in fact. As commendable as that reticence was, it may have cost them their life together…

	Upon returning home, Lukan’s mom set up another pizza order in hopes to try and cheer up Lukan and Klaus. It did not work. If anything, it made it worse, reminding Lukan that just a couple days ago, he and Klaus had a very intimate moment before having pizza. Not ever doing so with Klaus again was a painful thought, even if Lukan did not want to all the time. Sometimes was still good, dammit!
	“Okay…” Lukan’s mother sighed. “The situation with finding jobs is not looking good, but we still need to figure out how exactly we’ll be getting one, on top of a place to live,” she stated as the exes melancholically chewed on pizza.
	“That’s right…” Lukan said in a low voice. “That cycle where you can’t get one without the other?”
	She nodded. “We have to break that cycle on top of all that too. Boys, this is going to be a challenging situation to figure out… I hope you’ll feel better soon enough, because I really need you to help me figure this out.”
	Even though Lukan wanted her to let him be sad about losing Klaus, he had to admit she was right. What good was sulking going to do, especially if it hindered his ability to analyze their situation. This funk could cause them to become completely homeless! He could not let that be on his conscious! And yet… his conscious could not be bothered.
	“I’m sorry, Mrs. Benka,” Klaus said, ears drooping down his head.
	She shook her head. “No, I understand Klaus. There is nothing that could possibly hurt more than a broken heart. It’s the worst feeling there is.”
	“It… it is…” Klaus affirmed.
	Klaus’s words… They jolted Lukan’s already heavily wounded heart. Didn’t Klaus confirm that his secual frustration was the worst pain he had ever experienced? Now he’s saying heartbreak is!? No… Lukan refused to believe that he was responsible for the pain Klaus just said was the worst. No. It couldn’t be! It was for the best anyway so this pain can’t last! Can it?
	“Take as long as you need to heal, sweetheart,” Lukan’s mother said. “But please at least try to help me out here… It’d do us no good to end up homeless after all we’ve been through to get here.”
	“I-I will,” Klaus said shakily. “I have to.”
	Lukan had to commend the otter’s mental resolve. Lukan was aware that his own was far too weathered and damaged to have any semblance of resilience like that. Lukan felt that he would never recover from this one. It was that moment that he remembered the promise he made to himself and that he told Klaus about. If someone ever were to betray him again, he’d kill himself. But is that what Lukan truly wanted? It’s not like Klaus did so out of malicious intent; he was hurting as much as Lukan, if not even more. Lukan fully understood why, but he still wished so much it didn’t happen or he could have avoided it. Unfortunately, there was no turning back now.
	“Lukan, are you going to be okay…?” his mother asked.
	Lukan shook his head. And his mother gave a sympathetic sigh and hugged him tightly. It was right then that the door to the hotel room received a few strong, imposing knocks. 
	Klaus instantly looked to the window and Lukan saw the surprise spark in his eyes. “It’s him!? Nathias!?”
	Nathias. Lukan knew that name… He assumed it to be the cat Klaus was courting with now, but that name! It was so familiar. Nathias Love…? Son of the Loveless. The name of the mass murderer from Bright eight years ago. No. That’s impossible! Lukan felt the color drain from his face as he instinctively went to hide.
	It’s him. Klaus was now courting with one of the most damning creatures in Lukan’s life!