"Andrew, I told you! I have no idea!" the green avian next to him answered for the third time in the past hour.
It was their mutual lover Perci’'s idea of having a beach day. While it was neither Andrew's nor Patrigue's first thought when it came to an enjoyable day out, the conniving canine was able to convince them otherwise with a friendly little bit of private fun. However, once Perci told them which beach they were going to, the duo began doubting her rationale.
The location in particular was none other than Gunnison Beach, New Jersey, which happened to be an hour-and-a-half-long drive from Andrew's home in Brooklyn, and even farther away from Pat's house in Suffolk County. Hence, the carpool to the site in the bird's cramped sedan didn't leave the pair in the best of moods, to say the least.
Hauling their food and toiletries from the car to the beach in the summer heat didn't help either. Nonetheless, they carried on, with Andrew holding onto their accessory-stuffed rucksack while Pat walked with the cooler in tow. After trudging across the hot parking lot asphalt and the splintering, wooden walkway for the past ten minutes, the pair finally reached the soft, sandy dunes of the beach.
"Look, all I'm saying is that we could've gone to Brighton Beach, or Jones Beach even," Andrew complained, "If Perci wanted to go to the beach, we didn't have to drive all the way to fucking Jersey."
"Did you bother to ask her why it had to be this beach?" Pat fired back.
"Of course I did! She kept telling me 'it's a surprise!'" he asserted, making air-quotes to highlight the paraphrased dialogue.
"Surprise? She didn't say anything to me about… oh!"
"What?"
"I think I have an idea of what her surprise is."
"Oh, great,” he deadpanned, “Do you mind letting me kn-"
"Hold that thought!” Pat objected, “Do you mind if I get my hands on something from the backpack?"
Unanswered, Andrew sighed in response, rolling his eyes, "Knock yourself out."
As Pat rested the cooler on the ground, Andrew turned his back to him and presented the knapsack to the avian. Behind him, the mountain goat could hear the noticeable sound of velcro being ripped apart and zippers unzipping. He could feel the weight on his back shifting as Patrigue dug through their inventory.
"So what did you need?" Andrew asked.
"Sunscreen."
"Sunscreen? But we already put it on after we parked."
"Yeah, but now I need more."
More? Andrew thought to himself. The parrot's response didn't make any sense. The both of them lathered up head to toe once they stepped out of the car. Head, arms, body, legs, they even helped each other get the hard-to-reach spots on their respective backs. The only places they didn't get were already covered by their bathing suits.
"Would this happen to have anything to do with the surprise?"
"Wait, did you… not see the sign?"
"What sign?"
"The one we just walked by?"
It was then that the backpack-touting caprinae did a 180° and looked back toward the path they had taken and finally noticed the sign erected right off to the sign. It was a fairly small sign, so it was no wonder he passed it without seeing it. However, it wasn't the sign itself that was much of a surprise, but rather, what the sign itself said:
NOTICE: NUDE SUNBATHING ALLOWED
Immediately after reading those four words, the gears in the goat's head began to turn, and all the peculiarities of the day started to make sense.
"Of course, she took us to a nude beach," He acquiesced.
"Clothing-optional, technically," the bird corrected.
Andrew took a moment to reflect on some of Pat's previous statements about the sunscreen before coming to another conclusion, "You're naked right now, aren't you?"
Not even bothering to wait for an answer, Andrew turned his head over to Pat’s direction. Sure enough, Pat stood there with his manhood on full display, his hand spreading sunscreen across his derriere like it was butter on an oven fresh biscuit, and his swimsuit nowhere to be found. Whatever the opposite of surprise was, the goat was feeling it in spades.
"I mean, why not?" Patrigue defended himself, "I've never been to a proper clothing-optional beach before. It's only fair I take advantage of the opportunity. Right? Besides Perci probably ditched her suit the moment she got here."
"And dare I ask what happened to yours?"
"Put it in the backpack. It was kinda tight anyway. Speaking of…"
Popping the cap back on the bottle of sunscreen, the now pantsless parrot circled Andrew, put it back in the caprinae's pack, and properly zipped it up. Finished with the chore, Pat strutted over to the cooler and picked up its handle.
"All right, let's get going!" he cheered, walking ahead.
With a shrug, Andrew followed alongside him. Over the next few minutes, the two continued their trip in relative silence. While Andrew had his eyes on the lookout for his canine lover, he would occasionally glance over to Pat. He couldn't help but notice how the bird happened to be walking with a bit more pep in his stride, humming to himself and swishing his tail everytime he took a step forward. The goat was glad his friend's mood had improved upon his change of outfit, but it certainly wasn't the normal reaction an avian would have to having both of his peckers out for everyone to see. Then again, Perci happened to have a similar mentality. And if anything, it was these individual perverted peculiarities that he, his girlfriend, and his metamour had that made the three of them such a unique polycule. Now, if only the two men could find the damn poodle.
As time passed, the search for their mischievous little friend was proving to be harder than expected. The sun bearing down on them was proving to be a hindrance, as the first drops of sweat formed on Andrew's brow. Wiping them off with his arm, the goat longed for the reprieve of his air-conditioned apartment and was willing to bet Pat felt the same.
"Not to be a stick in the mud, but we could've just gotten naked at home."
"We could have," Pat replied, "but to be perfectly honest, I think it's a lot more refreshing being nude out here."
"Well, of course you would say that."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You know. The whole 'thrill of being seen' thing?"
"Okay, I admit, I can be a bit of an exhibitionist sometimes…"
"Only a bit?"
"But this is nudism! It's completely different!"
"Since when were you a nudist?"
"Since the moment I realized that being casually naked is just as enjoyable as being sexually naked."
"So you're a nudist… and an exhibitionist…"
"Yep."
Andrew sighed again as he rubbed the perspiration from his forehead for a second time.
"All right, fine. It's nudism. It's too hot to argue."
That settled, the duo continued their trek to locate Perci… that is until Patrigue started giggling a few seconds later.
"What?" Andrew asked.
"Nothing."
"Come on. Don't 'nothing' me."
"Seriously, it's nothing."
"Then don't fucking hide it!"
"Ugh…" the avian gave in, "I was just thinking, when you said it was too hot to argue, you could always do what I did if you wanted to cool down."
"Dude… really?" the goat scowled.
"What? Not like I haven't seen you in the nude before."
"I'm not changing into my birthday suit."
"No one's gonna make ya. It was just a suggestion."
"..."
"..."
"But why though?" Andrew harped.
"Why what?"
"Just humor me. I get the whole exhibitionism thing. Like it's taboo and it's sexy to show off and all that jazz. But why would you want to take your clothes off just to be naked?"
The half-moon conure pondered to himself. He never really put much into why he enjoyed it, other than the basic “I just do” reasoning. So, why exactly did he enjoy shedding his clothes as much as he did?
"Well… there are plenty of reasons people do it," he established "Wanting to be one with nature, supposed health benefits, et cetera, et cetera. But if you're asking why I personally do it… honestly, it's just comfier."
"Comfier?"
"Yeah, like… okay, this is kinda disgusting, but I sweat a lot. Especially in hot weather like this. I don't know why, but I just do and I absolutely hate it: the drops on my forehead falling onto my glasses, the wet shirt collars, the hair getting greasy, the wet seat from sitting for too long…"
"Ew!"
"Exactly! That's why I didn't even bother with a shirt today. With this heat, it would've gotten mega gross by now."
Pat wasn't wrong about the heat. After all, the forecast called for a high of ninety degrees and a UV index of 8. As nice as it was outside, it was still a far cry from the perfect outdoor weather. Even Andrew had to admit that his shirt was already starting to get damp at the collar. However, looking at Pat’s body, it became increasingly apparent to the mountain goat that the body of his clothingless comrade was faring much better in this heat than his own, taking note of the distinct lack of sweat along his green feathers.
"Okay, so I understand not wearing a shirt," Andrew trusted, "but pants as well?"
"You've never taken your pants off the moment you got home from work?"
"I do… once I'm inside and not flashing any of my neighbors."
"Fair… but I don't have to worry about that here,” the avian pointed out, “Only an idiot would go to a clothing-optional beach and not expect to see a few dicks out. And even without all the people, the whole thing… it's kind of soothing."
Patrigue's last words brought Andrew to a halt, genuinely needing a moment to process unexpected information.
"Soothing?"
"Mmhmm," the bird answered, finally stopping and looking back at his clothed companion, "You know how freeing it feels to have the wind blowing through your hair?"
Andrew nodded.
"Well, it's kind of like that, but when it's your whole body…"
Before he finished his sentence, the skyclad dropped the towel from his shoulder and the cooler handle in his palm. He turned his head forward and closed his eyes. Slowly and serenely, he brought his open hands outward and upward, embracing the moment.
"...it feels like nirvana."
As if on cue, a sudden gust of wind rushed in from the direction they faced. The strands of Pat's hair danced along the top of his head. His tailfeathers ebbed and flowed as his tail glided along the salty breeze. Andrew could only stand and stare at the scene before him. Even with his bare bits and bottom exposed, the avian's pose and transcendent aura in that moment reminded him of paintings featured in the MoMA.
"Hey, naked bird!" a not so far off voice shouted.
Brought back to reality, the duo was made aware of the black and violet figure in the distance, waving and shouting to grab their attention.
"Hey, naked poodle!" Pat called back to Perci with a wave.
"About time you two showed up! I need somebody to get my back," Perci stated, holding a bottle of sunblock.
"We'll be right there!" Pat responded as he collected everything he had dropped, "Come on, Andrew. Don't wanna keep her waiting, do ya?"
Towel and cooler in hand, the mint-colored metamour made his way to where Perci was perched. The goat followed as well, but not before a simple, singular thought crept into his head.
I guess it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world…
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Before now, the only thing I've ever commissioned from
\n\t\t\t\t\tBassyBefuddle were ref sheets. However, once he announced he was opening up commissions (something that doesn't happen too often), I knew I had to snag one. And I'm glad I did, because this one came out beautifully. I can't believe I haven't asked him for a comm like this earlier. I might have to order a sequel to make up for it.Anyway, I kind of surprised myself with writing this. I originally began writing this story thinking it would be 600 words at most and it ended being only a few words away from the 2K mark. Hopefully, you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
And as always, Patrigue Lynch and Andrew Safdie © \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
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