The first was because of his ancestry. Sure, he only had a few drops of German blood in him considering all the other countries his great-great-grandparents emigrated from, but he intended on making the trip to all his ancestors' homelands regardless.
The second reason for visiting Deutschland was the recommendation of his friend Perci. Everytime she spoke of her time there, she had nothing but amazing things to say about the European nation.
“I studied abroad in Berlin in the summer,” she mentioned, “and it was the best three months of my life.”
“Really?” the bird asked, “Do tell!”
The poodle proceeded to fling her head back in dramatic fashion, raising a hand to her forehead.
“Sie hieß Anna,” she spoke, almost as if she was crooning, “Wir waren verliebt. Aber ich konnte nicht bei ihr in Deutschland bleiben. Ich musste mein Leben leben.”
(Her name was Anna. We were in love. But I could not stay with her in Germany. I had to live my life.)
The story of star-crossed lesbian love was completely lost the monoglot avian, but it did encourage him to brush-up on his German, which helped him greatly when Oktoberfest came around.
Along with dragging her feathered friend to the festival, Perci refused to speak anything other than German, even to him. He understood she was attempting to help him learn by creating an 'immersive environment,' but for real, who the fuck goes to Oktoberfest for linguistic education?
Eventually, the parrot found himself sitting alone at one of the many tables after Perci repeatedly told him to "warte hier" until he finally figured out she was telling him to wait there until she got back. Resting his head on the table, he was left envying his canine companion. He did not know enough German to have a complete conversation with her and as fun and as lively as the celebration was, it would have been nice to be able to talk to someone without the language barrier.
Maybe I should've invited Sawyer, he thought, or maybe Jack.
The temperature didn't help with Pat's mood either. For some reason, the summer weather was lasting longer than natural, and the supposedly cool autumn day was actually 78°F. The hoodie and jeans that were supposed to keep him warm from the expected lowering temperatures were now his worst enemy, sticking to his sweaty feathers.
Fortunately, Perci had come back, providing the perfect distraction in the form of two schnitzels and two massive, liter-sized steins of wheat beer.
"I thought you didn't like drinking!" He squawked.
"Ich mache eine Ausnahme für Deutsche Weißbier," she replied, "Ist Oktoberfest!"
(I make an exception for German wheat beer. It's Oktoberfest!)
"Right, it's Oktoberfest," he replied, only understanding about a third of what she said.
"Möchten Sie einen Wettbewerb daraus machen?" the poodle asked.
(Want to make a contest out of it?)
"Ich habe…" the avian fumbled, throwing up his hands, "ich habe keine Ahnung."
(I have… I have no idea)
Perci sighed and rolled her eyes, "ein Trinkwettbewerb! Du weißt!"
(A drinking contest! You know!)
Knowing she wouldn’t get through to the novice German student, she mimed the act of counting down from three on her fingers and chugging her stein has quickly as possible.
“Oh!” he chimed, finally getting it, “A drinking contest!”
“Ja!” she exclaimed.
(Yes!)
"You sure you wanna do this? I'm not even sure your body can hold that much beer," he teased, patting her belly.
"Pfft! Vogel, bitte!" She snapped back.
(Pfft! Bird, please!)
"Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you. On three?"
His canine competitor nodded, a smirk crawling across her lips.
"Alrighty then, on three… one… tw-"
"EINS-ZWEI-DREI-GEHEN!" Perci shouted before grabbing her beer and chugging it to the best of her ability.
(ONE-TWO-THREE-GO!)
"Wh-SONUVA!" Pat cursed before grabbing his stein glass and drinking as much as he could to catch up to Perci.
And so the competition began. Despite her usual teetotalism, Perci gulped down her fizzy drink at a quicker rate than one would expect. However, the carbonation proved to be her detriment, causing her to frequently pause as the bubbly sensation in her mouth overwhelmed her. Patrigue, on the other hand, with his normal intake of carbonated drinks, found this to be less of an obstacle than her. Plus, thanks to his big beak and bigger belly, he was able to chug much more than his rival. Perci may have had a head start, but Pat had caught up to her in only seconds.
With only one gulp, the beer-drinking bird had already pounded down a third of his mug, while the poodle was playing catchup with a with three-quarters of her beer still left. With a decent lead, the conure couldn't help but laugh as he brought the beer back to his beak.
Hearing his taunt, Perci buckled down, trying to fit more alcohol into her tiny frame. As more beer splashed into her mouth, she became used to the fizzy feeling, making the carbonated concoction easier to swallow. Each gulp she took was bigger than the last.
Still, she had nothing on the powerhouse parrot perched next to her. A little over two minutes after their improvised competition began, Pat had finished the entire liter of German wheat beer in only four sips.
"Ha! Ich gewinne, motherfucker!" He shouted, slamming his empty mug on the table and throwing his fists into the air.
(I win, motherfucker!)
Perci heard his victory cry loud and clear, removing the mug from her muzzle, taking a big breath of fresh air as she placed it back down on the table with half of her beer unfinished. The sore loser in her wanted to complain, but her full belly was grateful she didn't have to drink anymore. She could feel her bloated stomach pressing against her insides, rumbling with an unfamiliar feeling, until it began crawling up her esophagus and out her mouth.
*BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP*
With the force of a speeding truck, the carbonation bubbling in her body burst free in a bombastic belch. She quickly covered her mouth, but the damage was already done. Hearing such a sound the petite poodle sent Pat into hysterics.
"Holy Scheiße!" Pat wailed through his laughter, "I can't believe that came from you!"
(Holy shit!)
"Iss meinen Arsch!" She cursed back.
(Eat my ass!)
"Maybe later tonight, if you said what I think you said."
She said exactly what he thought she said, which is why it was her turn to laugh her ass off.
"Du bist pervers," she guffawed.
(You're a pervert!)
"Perverse?" He gasped in mock anger, "And whose fault is that?"
She smiled at the bird, knowing damn well the answer to that question. Sure, she could make the argument that she never forced him into enjoying the kinks they shared, but she couldn't deny that the time the two spent together definitely influenced Patrigue to be more… open-minded… but that's a chapter for another day.
She fixed her eyes back on her half mug of beer. The sight alone reminded her of how stuffed she felt just moments ago. Not wanting to relive that memory, she slid her mug over next to Pat's.
"Hier! Du kannst es haben."
(Here! You can have it!)
"Du kannst..." he repeated, translating it in his head, "es… haben… Ah! Danke!"
(Ah! Thanks!)
"Gern geschehen."
(You're welcome.)
Over the course of the next half hour or so, Perci took to people watching and enjoy the sights of the fair while Patrigue gobbled down his food and eventually got more. However, as the two sat at their table, taking part in their respective activities, the alcohol they had consumed began to metabolize. Their senses began to dull, their speech began to slur, and most noticeably to the pair, their internal temperatures began to decrease, making the unusually warm day feel even warmer.
"Es ist so heiße!" The poodle whined.
(It's so hot!)
As she spoke, her avian accomplice returned from the food truck with two big Bavarian pretzels and two more mugs, sliding one of each to the canine.
"Kalt Bier?" he proposed.
(Cold beer?)
"Danke!" she thanked, immediately sipping the ice-cold beverage before returning to loudly complaining, "Diese Hitze saugt!"
(Thanks! This heat sucks!)
"Yeah, I'm sweating fucking bullets, too."
Sick of the heat as well, Pat looked around to spy on the other festival goers, hoping they had a way of dealing with the heat. With his eyes on the crowd, it seemed like most of the people trying to drink away the heat, just like him. However, he noticed a few of the males parading around shirtless. Of course, most of them had the physique for it, but there were a couple or so without shirts that had bigger beer bellies than him.
"Fuck it!"
In moment of carpe diem, the bird grabbed the overbearing garment covering his top and pulled it up and off of him. Plopping his hoodie next to his drink, he noticed the difference instantly. His sweat-soaked feathers were no longer sticking to the confines of his coarse cotton clothing, and finally had the chance to breathe.
"Oh, that feels soooooo good!"
Perci quickly noticed his apparent lack of clothing above the waist. Never willing to pass up a chance to show some skin, she began to see the appeal in her friend's thinking.
"Jetzt hast du die richtige Idee!" she applauded as she practically ripped her top off her body, revealing her bra-covered chest.
(Now you have the right idea!)
"Perci," Patrigue gasped, "What are you doing?"
"Mach dir keine Sorgen. Ich trage immer noch einen Büstenhalter. Außerdem ist es Freikörperkultur."
(Don't worry. I'm still wearing a bra. Besides, it's Freikörperkultur.)
His limited grasp on the German language once again proved to be a detriment, but was able to catch that last word: Freikörperkultur. It was the third and final reason Pat wanted to visit Germany.
While the practice of nudism is scarce in the United States, the nationwide movement of Freikörperkultur (which literally translates to "Free Body Culture") or FKK has made Germany one of the most welcoming countries to naturists in the world, with very few regulations on clothing throughout the whole nation.
"Right, Freikörperkultur…"
"Weißt du was?" Perci asked standing up. Full of liquid courage, the plastered poodle impetuously unbuttoned her pants and slid them down to her ankles.
(You know what?)
"Yeah, take it off! Woo!" shouted a random passerby.
"Freikörperkultur!" she shouted back.
"Oh my god," the inebriated avian chuckled, "we're gonna get kicked out."
Of course, he didn't actually believe that. Technically, she was still decent with her bra and panties covering the important bits, and even if they weren't, his inebriated senses made the current situation a lot less serious and a lot more ridiculous.
"Ist mir egal," Perci retorted, "Das fühlt sich fantastisch an."
(I don't care. This feels fantastic.)
"Heh, you look fantastic, too," Pat added, eyeing the poodle's lingerie-covered body up and down.
"Du solltest auch deine Hose ausziehen."
(You should take off your pants, too.)
"Wait, I heard 'Hose'... did you just tell me I should take my pants off too?"
"Scheiße ja."
(Shit yeah!)
"Ha!"
As crazy as Perci's idea was, the denim jeans around his legs did begin to feel restrictive in this weather. Plus, the recent memory of how good it felt to take off his hoodie was still dancing around the back of his head. Not giving his brain the chance to rule out the idea as a bad idea, he swiftly grabbed his beer mug and swallowed down as much as he could in one breath.
"Fuck it. I'm gonna do it," he stated, standing up with another half-pint of liquid courage in his system.
"Ja! Zieh Dich aus!" she cheered.
(Yeah! Take if off!)
With barely any hesitation, he buttoned and unzipped his jeans, letting them fall to the ground beneath him.
"Freikörperkultur!"
"Freikörperkultur!"
The two may have gotten some weird looks, but they were having way too much fun to care. The heat was less of a burden as before, and they were equipped with delicious German cuisine. Besides, no one was objecting.
Suddenly, a cacophony of cheers and whistles erupted from the nearby crowd. Turning their attention to the noise, the half-naked hooligans saw several musicians, dressed in lederhosen, walking on stage with their instrument in tow. Once in position, they commenced with the sound of an acoustic guitar and brass playing an oddly familiar melody.
"Ich kenne dieses Lied!"
(I know this song!)
Energized by the tune, she cheered and shouted along with the crowd. Once the lead vocalist began singing, she climbed up on the table, pretzel in hand, attempting to get a better view of the performance.
"Oh jeez," Pat facepalmed, trying his best to hide his giggling, "you're crazy when you're drunk, do you know that?"
Apparently, she neither knew nor cared as she was too busy slurring the words of the song to acknowledge his words. Not one to be stood up, the boxer-briefs clad bird climbed his way up onto the table as well, careful to balance his weight, lest he drunkenly knock over the table or anything on it. Back on his two feet, he slung an arm around Perci's shoulders, making himself known to her.
"Hey, willkommen in der Show!" Perci welcomed, right before the chorus kicked in.
(Hey, welcome to the show!)
"TAKE ME HOOOOOOOOOME,
COUNTRY ROOOOOOOOADS,
TO THE PLAAAAAAAAAAACE,
I BELOOOOOOOOOONG!!!!"
The irony of an American country song being played at a German celebration was not lost on the parrot, who cackled almost maniacally as the song continues. Still, he sung along as best as he could through his outburst, even picking up his beer glass from the table and holding it high in the air like a lighter, letting it sway as the pair rocked back and forth in time with the song.
The song came to a close and the crowd roared with applause. In the corner of his eye, Patrigue noticed a white cloth waving about in the air. Turning to look, he came to the realization that it was bra being twirled in the air by Perci.
"Woohoo!" barked the now topless dog.
Somehow, at some point during the show, Perci had managed to reach back behind her, undo all of the hooks of her bra's closure and slip it off her shoulders, all with only one hand, her left hand still holding her pretzel. The mystery of how she did it so quickly, however, was lost on Pat, who has dumbstruck by the sight of Perci's bare breasts. It wasn't until after getting an intoxicating eyeful of her bosom that Pat thought to do something to stop her from getting in trouble.
"Perci!" He clambered, covering up her nipples with his arm.
"Nein," she fought back, pushing his arm down and re-exposing herself, "Freikörperkultur!"
(No, Freikörperkultur!)
"Are you sure about this?"
As if to answer him, an amplified voice came from the stage.
"Hey, shoutout to the topless girl in the back!" announced the lead singer, "Your boyfriend there is a lucky guy!"
"Me?" the bird thought aloud, motioning to himself.
"Yeah, you! You two are adorable!"
Perci, ever the attention-seeker, posed for anyone looking in her direction, hugging the bird's waist, laying her head on his shoulder and lifting a foot for balance.
The crowd fawned over the almost-nude duo with a flattering awwwww. He couldn't help but smile and blush at the crowd's reaction, scratching the back of his head. While he always considered themselves more like lovers than actual boyfriend and girlfriend, he wasn't going to say 'no' to being called adorable. He was so caught up in the moment, he was completely shocked when the Perci slipped a hand into his underwear and pinched his bottom.
"Ow!" he cried in mock pain. He was tempted to smack her ass in the moment, but even with a head full of alcohol, knew doing so in front of dozens of drunkards might be a bad idea.
"This one is dedicated to the naked couple dancing on the table," said the singer, "It's called "Fliegerlied!" Sing along if you know the words!"
And with that, the band sprang back into song, a more traditional German folk song than the cover played prior.
"Willst du tanzen?" Perci whispered to Pat, her hand still groping his bottom under his boxer-briefs.
(Want to dance?)
With her hand on his ass and her breasts pressed against his body, he didn't need to be a mind-reader to know what she was thinking. She may have only asked for a dance, but she was definitely expecting that dance to turn into a strip show. With all their previous outdoor excursions, they had done their best to avoid drawing attention to themselves, lest they end up attracting the police. Being so open and honest with themselves, with a crowd to see everything, was absolutely foreign to the conure.
Before committing to anything, the barely-covered bird decided it would be in his best interest to take one last sip of liquid courage from his mug. Bringing the cold mug to his lips, he tipped his head back and let the golden liquid pour into his mouth until it was full.
With one last gulp, he was ready to face whatever would happen next… or so he assumed, as he was not ready for Perci to drape her already removed panties across his face like a blindfold. Using his free hand to remove the garment, he was left with no arms to protect himself from Perci's sneak attack.
Without warning, Pat's penis had sprung free from his underwear, as the waistband of said article of clothing was now dangling around his ankles.
Looking down, he saw a now fully naked Perci with her paw still on the garment.
"Really?" the parrot questioned, trying and failing to cover himself with the panties still in his hand.
"Bist du böse?" she pleaded, giving off big puppy dog eyes.
(Are you mad?)
He sighed, "No, I'm not mad. Just… I should've known you'd pull some shit like this."
"Heißt das, du willst nicht tanzen?" she proposed once again, bowing and extending her open hand.
(Does that mean you don't want to dance?)
He could've pulled his underwear back up. He could've gathered all of his clothes and put them back on and left his friend to deal with the consequences of her actions.
Heck, who was he kidding. As embarrassing as this situation would be to the average partygoer, the thought alone had Patrigue pitching a tent in his scrunched up hand. Plus, when would he ever get another chance to show off his body to so many people like this outside of a nudist event?
"Fuck it!" He answered, stepping out his dropped underpants and kicking them aside, "Let's get weird!"
Accepting her offer, he removed his hand from his groin, fully exposing his erection to whoever was willing to look, letting go of Perci's panties before taking her hand in his. And almost as if on queue, the band kicked in with the chorus as the pair of perverts began their naked dance.
"Und ich flieg', flieg', flieg' wie ein Flieger,
(And I fly, fly, fly like an airplane)
Bin so stark, stark, stark wie ein Tiger,
(I'm so strong, strong, strong like a tiger)
Und so groß, groß, groß wie 'ne Giraffe,
(And so tall, tall, tall like a giraffe)
So hoch oh, oh, oh!!!"
(So high oh, oh oh!!!)
To and fro, the unclothed couple danced, sometimes following the song, and sometimes improvising. Breasts and bits bounced as they jumped in time, but the two had little care for it, onlookers be damned. Pretzel and stein in hand and their bodies bared to the world, the parrot and poodle felt invincible as they celebrated Freikörperkultur at Oktoberfest…
...that is until security came and dragged them and their discarded clothes to the manager's office. It was a solemn reminder that they weren't in the Bavarian celebration in Germany, but a local Oktoberfest in their native Long Island, where the rules regarding dress codes are much more strict. Fortunately, the manager of the event was FKK practicing German himself and had no intention of pressing charges against the drunken duo. If anything, he was more bothered by their dancing on the table than their nudity. However, he still asked that the two troublemakers get dressed before they continue any more festivities at his festival.
Spoilsport.
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Wow, it's been a while since I've had Perci and Pat share a picture together. I should change that.
Anyway, while I have been teaching myself German on Duolingo for about two months now, 90% of the German I used for the story was pulled from Google Translate. So big shoutout to
\n\t\t\t\t\tDianadoggo for proofreading my German grammar, as well as \n\t\t\t\t\tbunny.paws for proofreading my English.And of course, a gigantic thanks to
\n\t\t\t\t\tWingedWilly, the talented artist behind this piece, as well as the Halloween costume commissions from a while ago. If you liked this image, then be sure to like to visit his page and like it on his profile as well.As always, Patrigue and Percy belong to \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t | \r\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t