I'm not going to promise that I have all the facts, I don't have all the answers.
I just want to come out about this particular part of myself sincerely;
I don't agree with groups like NAMbLA, to me they're definitely the definition of a conspiracy theorist group.
Most conspiracy theories are pretty harmless however there's ones like these in particular that are extremely harmful.
I've been a pedophile since birth; there's absolutely no doubt about it.
If I could I'd turn myself into a teleiophile all throughout myself I most definitely would, no doubt about it; but I just can't, I can't do a fucking thing about it.
Aside from managing myself, I keep myself away from children and make sure I'm never drinking alcohol around children and young children as well.
This technical orientation is definitely the result of genetics, this was genetically predisposed; through mother's family my grandfather is a convicted pedophile, a bisexual pedophile none the less.
And the people my grandfather knows are hebephiles and pedophiles as well, one of the guys said my cousin was sexy when she was still 8 years old, no idea who exactly just that my youngest sister told me so.
The same guy stalked my sister's Facebook account, he's someone who shouldn't be around young children neither teenagers.
The fact these people attract this kind of person is already proof enough about genetic factors being into place.
Myself I don't search for pictures of children neither young children, I don't go on any of those child abuse photo and video websites; they make me feel sad, hurt, and extremely sympathetic for the victims.
I've only seen just photos unintentionally however I still got yo see it and I can't ever escape from this, it traumatized me, these where not grown adults who just so happened to appear prepubescent, no, this was fucking real life things.
I take accountability for choosing not to go away from it immediately, and it's my fault for not understanding that these sorts of people cannot be changed.
I can't do anything about it, best to let the cops and prison systems to do everything.
I've been getting over it, I've seen it, there's nothing I can do about the past.
And what's the point of saying all of this?
The point is that I don't understand much of how I should manage these feelings I have, and definitely I will be around children all my life; it's completely inevitable, I need to figure out how to go about this, sure yes cartoon and anime characters are attractive looking.
I am not an exclusive toonophile (attraction towards cartoon/anime characters), I've found myself becoming attracted towards characters in Japanese children's programs.
Some of these children's educational shows have live action sequences, I'm a romantic pedophile, it's just so beautiful to me that I end up almost crying to myself sometimes whenever I fantasize hypothetical situations. It's just who I am.
I knew I wasn't lying to myself the day I watched Zootopia without anything spoiled for me, I knew absolutely nothing about the movie plot; nothing about the scenes; I seen absolutely nothing whatsoever, I watched the animation without any knowledge whatsoever.
This
scene broken me, it made me sad for so many months, I tried denying and suppressing these emotions; the 3rd time watching the film I caught myself crying finally after keeping it held inside, trying to not believe that this is just is who I am, what I am.
I've had fantasies around 7 year old characters when I was 14 years old (in 2013), I was figuring out that I am is not something usual. It doesn't make me any less human however, I'm not a monster for attractions alone.
My flaws only make me a human being.
I want to figure out how to attend myself into those pedophile support groups in a way that doesn't make me identifiable, I want to be known just not known by face, name and anything else identifiable.
I'm not made into a pedophile, I'm born as a pedophile; I'm a bisexual pedophile just like my grandfather though I never associate with him due to his criminal history.
As I read these numbers I can obviously see banning lolicon and shotacon artwork only increased child sexual assault cases.
Meanwhile Japan has been having a significant decrease, I'm not an expert in any of these cultures though I'm more knowledgeable about Japan in comparison.
Just be sure to understand I'm not anywhere near native to Japan and never grew up in the country, I just know what is told about Japan through English media and from English speaking Japanese.
I just see that it's a decrease. I know lolicon animes are protected by law, particularly Freedom of Expression laws.
While also marking physical, real life child p-o-r-n as morally apprehensible.
Shotacon and lolicon is not, whatsoever, the same as 幼児ポルノ（Yōji-Poruno）, even in the language one can see an absolute difference between these two concepts; a shotacon will never look at Yōji Poruno, they stick with the stuff that shows the shotacon all being safe and all happy.
That's what makes these drawings safe.
Yeah, to many it would count as obscene but that's not going to cause children any harm. It's just a drawing, it helps people like myself better cope.
We really don't have any way to cure this, we just have to live with it, we can't do anything but manage ourselves and stick with a good moral path and these drawings don't hurt our moralistic standpoint.
People need to protect actual children instead of treating these drawings as children, it's asinine, it just doesn't make sense to put a law on these kinds of things, they're not physically interacting with a child.
I just want the right things to happen. I want to protect children from molestations and such, I want to learn and figure out how to do that in a none intrusive manner.
I'll find out where to start, it's just going to take time.
I could use a lot of big words however I really don't feel like alienating people, I might use one or two big words just because I don't know what else would be fitting just to note.
And to end this I just want to say that I understand never to touch a child, I know how much that can mess with someone for life.
Culture may exaggerate things however this still isn't okay, it's never okay to sexually exploit a child.
I just find that young anything and everything is fantastic and beautiful, I don't want to harm anyone or anything like that.