〜♦•Prelude•♦〜
Ever since I found that National Geographic show titled as “Taboo” I found my growing interest for the strange, the abnormal and noticed abnormalities within myself growing up.
This all started when I was gaining interest for the scientific; attempting to have an objective look at reality, I wouldn't call myself a genius since I don't have any proof of the claim. I been homeschooled though have not been to highschool neither middle school, I've been to preschool and part way through grade school before my parents pulled me out due to complications they've undergone.
I was put in special education though with a misdiagnosis, the staff had no legal right to give a diagnosis; they've should've sought after actual professionals instead of taking it upon themselves to conduct psychiatric analysis.
My father had been seeking a professional psychiatrist for about 10 years straight since he noticed my symptoms matched that of other people on the autism spectrum, he's my father after all.
My diagnosis happened summer 2017; official diagnosis autism spectrum disorder, I'm not ""Specially abled"" or ""differently abled"" I'm a person with a disability. I hate this sugar coating bullshit. I'm considered high functioning or? Asperger's Syndrome. They dropped the "Asperger's" name somewhere in 2012.
The only ‘special ability’ Is my eidetic memory when it comes to music and audio; I can recall and remember music exactly by the note; note by note; the absolute slightest change I will notice immediately without the need of references nor comparison.
−・《The Taboo/タブー》・−
As I continue:
I felt like I should address what I mean.
I enjoy the weird, the strang and the abnormal, paraphilia is within this taboo and the abnormal.
Just a disclaimer
I'm not advocating child sexual exploitation, this is just my experience; never had I harmed a child and I never will
As I see within myself; to elaborate, I got exposed to cub porn at age 12, the beginning of my puberty, though as science has proven I'm born like this so I don't think early exposure caused my paraphilia.
Sure, the environment can influence nature, that's a fact; I would've found preparescence and honestly very early adolescence attractive regardless.
From infants to very, very early teenhood, about age 13 I find to be my cutoff point; though mainly before the age of 10 is where I find my interest to be majorly at.
My favorite seems to be baby's and young children generally where with young teens is more of how I "see myself as" in a sense.
My passion is for the abnormalities of this world, I can't explain why. Something about the weird is just fulfilling, that and children
I have romantic fantasies around my favorite characters, think of prepubescent looking Disney characters, especially Nick Wilde; I was about 17 years old when Zootopia released.
Same with Undertale; the two characters I loved was child form Asriel and I enjoyed Monster Kid, Chara is too Yandere for my interest, I'm not attracted towards serial killers that much. I don't have a strong fetish for killers; I pay attention to child killers in documentaries, I find that a little bit amusing to be honest.
During my upbringing I noticed how I just wasn't like everyone else and as I reached my teenage years I begun noticing something about me just wasn't normal, I where still having crushes on children below the age of 8; I began noticing just how important innocence was to me, I don't find adults attractive whatsoever.
The adult world just doesn't fit me. I love cubs, I would marry a young boy or young girl; I am a bisexual as one can see. I love teens as well I believe,e either that or love seeing myself as a teenager. I'm believing it's the latter.
~My Experiences~
I have a fetish for Pokémon as well, mainly I love seeing myself as the Pokémon. My grandpa, I believe mother's side perhaps, give all of us hand-me-down VHS tapes when I was a very young child, my first exposure to animé was the original Pokémon series on VHS.
I watched many episodes and enjoyed the series, one day I was outside in the yard as I stared at my bedroom window as one of the most surreal episode showed up; I saw Ash and everyone else turned into Barbi like dolls as they where all trapped in a dollhouse.
I don't remember this episode completely but my memories are coming back kind-of, I also remember the ghost Pokémon. It was strange and new to me, I was just a young and curious child.
I believe paraphilia is a fine mixture of nature AND nurture; one influencing the other or both influence each other at the same time. After all, homosexuals are born, not made.
I believe the same logic can apply to paraphilia, I am a none offending zoophile as well, baby animals being an absolute favorite. I understand animals can't be consenting either, let alone baby animals. I firmly believe Pokémon had a strong influence within my life which is why I believe nature and nurture.
The stories mother told me about her abuse during her childhood really traumatized and scarred me, she should had been carful with how she told these stories, I was just a young boy; my grandfather was a child abuser, not just sexually but also physically. Some of the people I've met within my mother's family are convicted child molesters, not every child molester is a pedophile and not every pedophile is a child molester; I should add here.
Though it's extremely apparent that pedophiles run in my mother's family, there just is no other explanation for this one; I inherent this trait, I wasn't made like this, I was born like this.
I'm taboo; I'm abnormal; I'm human. I'm not a monster, society may not understand this right now, I know that I'll face prejudice because of this trait no matter how much I provid proof these kinds of people will not sympathize with me. They don't want to believe facts; they just love seeing the people they despise suffer.
They take pleasure in my pain, I am a masochist for sure but this just feels like rape. Dehumanizing me without my consent is just uncomfortable and displeasing.
I'd rather not want to be skinned alive. They say I'm sick in the head yet they are taking complete pleasure with the most gruesome thoughts imaginable; it's hypocrisy.
ΩEnd
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