When All Hope Died (Part 10 of the Afterlife Chronicles) Killing is killing right? Doesn’t matter if it’s to survive or to help a friend… or at least that’s what I had thought before now. At least when I killed someone to feed, I could justify it with thoughts of ‘I had to’ or ‘there was no other option’. But Kitty… I couldn’t get her out of my mind. The guilt tearing at my heart was unlike anything I’d ever felt. I hadn’t killed her to feed, to save myself… I had just killed her. Sure, it was to end her suffering, but that didn’t- couldn’t- justify the swing of that hatchet. God gave us the freedom to choose our path through life… but he never gave us the right to choose who lives and who dies. Back at the road next to the abandoned police car that I guessed they had used to get here, I found her clothes on the ground among what looked like a police uniform and animal hides. My heart clenched and I turned away from them, walking away, still clutching the satellite phone in my hand. I sat down in the passenger seat of the police cruiser and sighed as I punched in a number I knew by heart. I hadn’t called her in forever, hadn’t talked to her since the night before I died, but now I felt… I just couldn’t go a second longer without talking to her one last time. I held the phone to my ear after raising the antenna, listening to the phone ring. I had expected the tears to come back when I heard her voice over the line, but all that happened was a hole opening in my chest. “Its Derek…” I said softly. The line was quiet for a moment save for a faint rustling like she was going into another room, then she asked what had happened. Somehow that brought a smile to my lips, a weak smile, but a smile none the less. She hadn’t asked why I hadn’t talked to her, or why I was calling now. She just asked that one question that I couldn’t think of the right answer for. I sighed and raised my free hand, wiping my face, realizing for the first time that I wasn’t wearing my glasses. It only then hit me that I hadn’t needed them since the day I died, and a small laugh escaped me. She didn’t say anything at the sound, but when I sighed again, I finally answered, “I died…” The line was silent for a long moment, and when she finally spoke, I think it had been my sad and tired tone that had affected her reaction, “I’m sorry… How long?” I smiled a little and leaned back in the seat, looking up at the ceiling, “Since the day after the last time I talked to you,” I answered quietly, “Got shot in the face at work.” She was quiet for a good moment, I could tell she was thinking something over, “I hope that bastard died.” I laughed a little at that but didn’t confirm her hope. I was quiet after that though, waiting to see if she’d say anything more. Despite the small smiles and the weak laughs, the heaviness in my heart had not vanished. “Will you come see me?” she asked after what felt like an eternity. I couldn’t hear it in her voice, but I knew, like I always knew, she was crying. I hadn’t expected this question and I felt my heart break as I sighed. I didn’t know how to answer, so I just told her the truth, “Everyone around me dies, sweetheart… I don’t want you to die too.” Just before I could say anything else, a police cruiser pulled up and out of it stepped the gruff officer Geoff and his serious partner Amber. Both wore their police uniforms, though Amber had hers loose at the collar and Georff wore a tie of a dark gray. “I have to go, love… Please… Never forget me.” I caught the words ‘I love’ before I cut the bulky satellite phone off. I stepped out of the cruiser and walked around before leaning back against the trunk, watching the two officers as they stood in front of their cruiser. Georff looked relaxed while Amber had a hand on her gun holster, ready to draw her gun if I made a threatening move. Compared to their crisp uniforms, my dirty clothes and body made me look like a real criminal. I tried to remember the last time I took a shower and smiled lightly when I recalled it was of the day of my death. Georff spoke first, “Why did you kill them?” I tilted my head to the side then understood who he was talking about. His partner Amber’s glare was really getting on my nerves. “They were robbing the quickie mart. They had guns too, I may add,” I replied, watching them intently. “Had I not, they would have killed the cashier and got away with their crime.” Damn I was starting to sound full of myself. I waited for their reply, which came faster than I expected. “Why did you kill the boy too?” Amber asked, clearly angry. Now, I knew what happens when I feed from someone, so I didn’t understand how they knew that I had killed anyone. Since they obviously did know and knew it was me, I just told them the truth. “The boy was too close and I was too hungry.” “He was my brother you piece of shit!” Amber shouted at me, but didn’t draw her gun. Her training was keeping her from taking the revenge she clearly wanted. Here it was, my destruction had finally caught up to me. Everyone I fed from had family and loved ones. It was just a matter of time. I gave her a sad smile and nodded, “You look just like him.” I turned my attention to Georff, “I can’t let you take me, nor kill me. Not yet. I have things I still want to do, places I still want to go. I was given a second chance at life, by God or the Devil, I know not, but I have to keep living.” I stopped leaning against the trunk of the abandoned cruiser and started to leave when Amber drew her gun and fired. The bullet hit me in the shoulder and rage flared up in me. Before either of us could realize it, I was upon her, my left hand clutching the barrel of her gun, my right hand back and ready to thrust into her stomach. My eyes glared into hers, seeing it finally register in her dark brown eyes that a simple gunshot could not kill me. It was when I saw myself in those eyes that Kitty’s face flashed in my mind. My hand stopped and the rage within me was extinguished. I sighed and straightened, letting my right hand drop. Georff was just turning, his gun aimed at me. “Everyone around me dies, Officer Amber Callahan. It’s not what I want,” I whispered softly, and it was that tired emptiness in my voice that made Georff lower his gun. “Count your blessings. You just faced death and lived,” I added before releasing the barrel of her gun and walking away, hands in my pockets, leaving the two stunned police officers alone and alive. They didn’t follow. In fact, about a month later, I saw in a discarded newspaper a false article about the two of them finding me and killing me. With that, it appeared, the police wouldn’t bother me anymore. I sighed though and shook my head. I left Tennessee without a second thought about returning. I ignored thoughts of my family, my friends, and even my loved one. It was for the best. As time went on and I traveled farther west, the weight of the world and the regular killings I had to do to stay alive wore me down further. I don’t even remember how I got into the Rocky Mountains but almost a year after my death, long after my twentieth birthday; I made my way into a cave that a few trees and boulders strategically hid. I had grown an intense mental strength during the months before this, and now could stand the headaches ever longer. I had long thought that maybe the vampire’s ability to ‘sleep’ wasn’t something limited to just them. It was time to test my theory. In the darkest part of the cave, where absolutely no light could reach, I lay down upon the hard dirt floor and curled up into a ball. If I could ‘sleep’ long enough, everyone I knew would be dead, then I wouldn’t have to fear hurting them with my presence. I closed my eyes, though it was already so dark I couldn’t tell the difference, and then closed myself to the world. Hopefully, the world would close itself to me.